Chapter Text
Silence.
Silence across the plain, fields of Kazimierz spanning the horizon back and forth.
Not real silence, of course. There were many kinds of silence, Justyna had found, some quieter than others. This was the sort with lingering reminders of others.
The low whistle of the wind through the grass.
The sound of cold, dark, night. The faraway hum of cars passing by on the driveway, distant Doppler practically dulled into nothingness by distance and reverberation.
The fresh nighttime air brushed against Justyna’s thighs, blades of grass collecting dew and moisture, making her seat of choice mildly damp and somewhat unpractical. The concrete parking lot was a little way off. For the most part, the mission had been camping out in the wilderness, taking turns taking watch, but they had finally found a crappy motel to hole up before exfil. For their last day out in old Kazimierz, they could enjoy a proper night’s sleep. The operation was just standard recon stuff, information gathering. Nothing to write home about.
Not that she had a home to write to. At the very least, she rarely went anywhere without her new “home.” The Pinus Sylvestris Knightclub. Home. By that point, they were used to sleeping anywhere from a dump to all-paid expenses fancy hotels in touristic locations. The location of home was fundamentally irrelevant. The company, however, was far more important.
Such operations were also on the down-low, and meant very little comfort or accommodations from Rhodes Island. Still better than a dump.
The motel overlooked a highway, cars speeding by like neon red, orange and white streaks over concrete, itself over grassland. Further down the horizon, trees and ferns a familiar sight. Kazimierzan countryside being mostly the same wherever you look.
A voice came from behind. “Hey.” Just that one word, nothing more. Justyna recognized her captain’s voice. Sona. Flametail. She turned around to nod, acknowledging the Zalak girl’s presence. She’d have expected Ashlock. Seemed more her style. Sona’s presence was a blessing and a curse. A curse, because it was a blessing.
After a few moments in silence. “How’s the game going? Did you lose?”
Sona made a comically exaggerated gesture of dismay. “Iwona got far too good. She must have trained in secret. She and Ashley are playing together now.”
What are you doing here? The question seemed too rude to ask. It wasn’t that Sona’s presence was unwelcome — well, it was, but not because…
“What’s up?” Justyna settled on that. It implied the question she really wanted to ask, without sounding ungrateful.
“I just thought I’d check in on you, partner. Get some fresh air and all. Actually, it’s kinda cold out here. Don’t know how you can handle that.” She rubbed her hands together, friction creating warmth between them. “Do you mind if I…?”
She didn’t know what it was until it was too late, but she very much minded. “I don’t mind.” Not that she could say it. Sona’s hands cupped hers, noticeably fresher and colder. It seemed, on the contrary, that her own hands felt warm to Sona.
Sona huddled up closer, seeking warmth by rubbing shoulders with hers. Never mind the cold, Justyna felt herself burning alive from shame. That! That—that was exactly why!
“You should go back inside before you get cold,” she suggested, low voice, and moving her face away where Sona could not see it. “I won’t be much longer.”
Sona heaved a loud sigh. “No, I came here to talk to you. I can tell you’ve not been yourself since… a little before the end of the mission. I wanna talk. Without Iwona or Ashley around, if it helps.”
The Fartooth Knight felt an instinctual need to establish a large, large gap between her and her sparring opponent. Before she had realized, the Flametail Knight had closed the distance. This close, this close was too scary. Sona was scary. The Flametail Knight was an expert at dodging everything and fighting back with a sudden flurry of bursts that leave you blindsided — in practice, exactly what was happening just now. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Sona. I’m just fine,” husky voice barely a whisper.
“Don’t lie to me, Justyna. You’re not Ashley, but I think I’m starting to get a good read on you. I can tell when you’re not being straight with me.” To punctuate her interrogation, she reached her hand out to cup the archer’s cheek.
Instantly, bright red. So red it could give Sona’s hair a run for her money. Red alert. Reaching critical levels. It wouldn’t be much longer she could keep this up.
“Look, Justyna. I get it if it’s something you don’t wanna share. I’m not going to pry. Just know that you can trust us. If you’re not gonna tell me about it, then tell Ashley, or tell Iwona. Tell someone. I just wanna see you back how you were. Not… looking worried all the time.”
Justyna felt like crying then. Tears of joy — Sona was so good to her. Tears of sorrow — despite all of that, Sona could not hide her own disappointed expression, could not fully hide that she felt somewhat wounded by the lack of trust. It’s not that I can’t trust you, it’s just that…
“It’s you.” The words were out before she could take them back.
“Huh?”
“I didn’t want to tell you, but because it’s about you.”
This time, it was Sona’s turn to look hurt. She was somber before, but now she was positively shaken. Misty droplets formed at the edge of her eyes, and Justyna’s heart sunk. “It was my fault…?” she asked, voice cracking and hesitant. “I’m sorry if I…”
“Sona. Calm down. You didn’t do anything,” she hesitates before finally fessing up. Any further keeping her in the dark would be cruel. “I have a crush on you…but you have a good thing with Ashlock. That’s why.”
The redhead took a moment to process what she heard. “You… like me?”
“Yeah.”
A moment of silence. Justyna waited in agony, thinking she might have, in fact, ruined a good thing, and was past the point of no return. Instead, she heard a giggle. A pure, clear and warm giggle. Sona was laughing.
“Haha, I’m all giddy… Justyna likes me… This feels nice.”
“Huh…?” This was the last thing she had expected. “So… you feel the same way that I do? But what about Ashlock? The last thing I want to happen is—”
“Don’t worry, don’t worry~ We’ll figure it out together with her. Ashley and I have barely talked about this before, but I have a feeling it won’t be a problem.” She paused, then took on a more serious tone. “Um. If I’m being honest, I don’t know how I feel about you. I can’t promise you anything. But… if I trust in the way hearing you say that makes me feel, I think I might be able to love you too. I hope so. Because I care about you, and I want this for you.”
Elated. No other word could do justice to how Justyna felt. She came in expecting to ruin their relationship, not come out with her hope renewed, burning brighter than ever. “I feel like I should let you know something else, then.”
“Hm, what’s that?” Any of the tension from before dissipated, Sona responding in a charming singsong tone.
“I… feel the same way about Ashlock.”
A smile curled at Sona’s lips. She seemed to be struggling to hold it in. Wordlessly, Justyna gave her a little smile, and a nod. Given permission, Sona burst out into laughter. Boisterous, thunderous laughter. “Well, bit of a glutton, aren’t cha?” She wrapped her arms around Justyna, causing her already booming heart to feel like it was ready to burst out of her ribcage. “What is it that you like about her? I happen to be an expert in all things Ashley.”
Justyna had a pause. She was all-too familiar with the scalding feeling in her chest, but had never given it voice or words before. She rarely gave anything voice.
“Same reason why I like you, I think. You’re so gentle. So warm. I’ve had friends and family before, but I’ve never felt like I could fully trust in anyone the way I do with you. I know that as long as I trust in you, you will never let me down. You’re so… strong. So brave. I know that if I follow you, I can’t lose my way. But I also want to be there, for you, at the end of the road. Or if you don’t know where else to go, then you can take my hand, and I’ll help you. Or we’ll just stay there.”
“Awwww,” Flametail tightened her hug. “Justyna, you’re gonna make me cry. You were supposed to say something like she has a magnificent chest.”
Fartooth paused, then felt her cheeks tinge pink. “She does have a magnificent chest,” earning heartfelt laughter from the Zalak.
Sona hummed while turning, holding Justyna in a slow dancing embrace. “Now that I think about it, Ashley, me… we’re not the only ones that you can trust. Do you also like Iwona?”
Justyna, mortally embarrassed, felt some additional embarrassment, despite firmly believing that she had already hit rock bottom. “I think so…”
Sona let out another one of her airy giggles. Justyna realized that she wouldn’t get enough of these any time soon. She was loving them more and more by the second. “That’s so cute.”
Gosh. If she didn’t know any better, she’d have felt like Sona was making fun of her. But that wasn’t Sona. She genuinely felt that. She genuinely believed that, and meant what she said.
“I didn’t know how to feel about this. That I like all of you.” Perhaps it was simply friendship, after all? “You’re not supposed to love that many people. That’s for only one.” She believed that, before, at least. “But when we came here, and everything was like old times…” Deluding herself was no longer a possibility.
“Hm. I think I understand.” She once again brought a hand to cup Justyna’s cheek, only this time the motion felt much more conscious. Every step far more deliberate, far more measured. Far more hesitant, too. “Is this okay?” she asked, voice uncharacteristically shaky.
Justyna hummed her approval, truthfully scared witless; and also filled with tantalizing eagerness, and expectation. Sona’s soft, oh-so-soft lips brushed across her cheek. It wasn’t uncommon for members of the knightclub to have chaste physical contact and intimacy with one another. Some nights, it was even a necessity to huddle up together for warmth. Sona had rarely ever kissed Justyna, but it had happened. On birthdays, on celebrations, all sorts of displays of joy that warranted it. It had happened before, but it never felt like this. Her whole world changed.
And yet—at the same time she could not help but feel a little disappointed. She had gotten her hopes up, perhaps a little bit too quick. Try as she might to conceal it, she was faced with the most fearsome member of the Pinus Sylvestris Knightclub, bestowed with a preternatural ability to read her teammates. Sona’s look changed. It was quite difficult to read her, even if Justyna herself took pride in having a keen eye and good understanding of her friends. Inscrutable, small changes happened in real time, and then Sona leaned in. Her lips felt electric on Justyna’s. Every little friction, every time they brushed together, a jolt that short-circuited her head and prompted a hard reset — every time she felt like she was getting a hang of what was happening, another moment of bliss and glee moved her back to square one.
As they parted, Justyna, breathless, could feel herself experience heretofore unknown bliss. It didn’t show on her face. It rarely showed on her face. Perhaps, however, she could trust in Sona to be able to tell. Before she could enjoy this, though, the pesky part of her brain that processed rational thought decided to come back to life.
“Sona—are you sure this is going to be fine with Ashlock? Aren’t we going too fast? Shouldn’t you wait until you l—”
“Justyna. Calm down.” She brought a panicking Liberi to her nape. “You looked like you wanted me to do this. I’m sorry if you didn’t.” She traced soft circles on Justyna’s hair with the tip of her finger. “Don’t worry about Ashley. I know her. Maybe she’ll be a little upset with me for doing this before checking in with her, but I know she’ll be okay with it.”
“Did you want this? Did I… pressure you into it?”
“Relaax. If I didn’t want to do something, I wouldn’t have done it.”
Sona hummed a familiar song, a Kazimierz folk song, before looking directly into Justyna’s eyes — Zalaks were typically short, but tragically, Justyna was even shorter than both Sona and Ashlock, so the former towered above her by half a head, making this somewhat impressive whenever it happened. Sona spoke again. “I have no doubts that I’ll be able to love you, Justyna. Why, I’m already halfway there, I think,” she giggled. “This was not unpleasant at all. It was nice. Feels very different from doing it with Ashley.”
“I have a question for you,” Sona continued. “So, obviously, we’re going to have to talk about this with Ashley, sooner, now, rather than later. First thing, in fact, would be ideal. Would you like to come out and tell her you have a crush on her, too? Get it over with?”
Justyna sighed. “I feel like it’s bit too complicated an issue to just get it over with. I get what you mean, though. I feel like I just lifted a massive weight off my shoulder, and there’s just one on the other shoulder. I should.”
“Kay! Texting her now.”
“Wh— Sona!"
“Aw cm’on, sweetie. It’ll be fine. If you want to pull out, I can think of a convincing lie. For you, okay? I don’t like lying to Ashley.”
Justyna’s head spun. Sweetie. That was totally unfair. If she didn’t know any better, she’d believe Sona was the one in love with her. Or perhaps that was her way of trying to? Performing the act, convincing yourself until you’ve become the character yourself?
A few moments later, while they were waiting in awkward silence, Ashlock came out of the motel room with a bag and a wallet in hand. She was wearing a thin blouse over her shoulders. Kazimierz summer nights went from hot to cold in an instant, and a light drizzle had settled in.
“Hey, Justyna,” Ashlock waved. “So, why just me?” she turned to Sona.
“Need someone to guard the room. We just needed extra hands to carry all the booze. Sorry!” she lied. So that was what she sent to Ashlock. “I feel safer with your strong arms than Iwona’s~ Don’t tell her I said that, though.”
Ashlock rolled her eyes with a fond, warm smile. At least, that meant Justyna still had an out if she wanted to. This was just about buying drinks, nothing more. She didn’t know if she wanted the out.
“Also, if I am being truthful, I have something to tell you—we, we have something to tell you. Justyna, do you mind if I explain?”
Well, there it was. Justyna nodded in assent.
“Justyna likes me. Romantically.” They walk by a street lamp, dull concrete grey of the floor washed by scintillating rain. The smell of petrichor rises to Justyna’s nose. If Ashlock is surprised by any of this, she does not let it show, stoically walking onward. “I would like us to be a thing, if you’re okay with… sharing me?” Sona had a snicker at her own choice of words. That didn’t feel right, but it got the point across.
Ashlock did not reply for ten, twenty, thirty excruciatingly long seconds. An eternity in half a minute. Maybe this had been a mistake after all.
“I take no issue with it. As long as you love me as much as before,” she bashfully admitted, looking mortally embarrassed to have even said that out loud.
“Aw, of course Ashley~” Sona then jumped the other Zalak, rubbing her face lovingly against Ashley’s, earning her a smile.
“I still want the two of you to think long and hard about what this will mean. This isn’t always going to be easy.”
Sona and Justyna looked at each other, and nodded. It wasn’t immediately clear what Ashlock meant, but it felt obvious in hindsight. It had not always been sunshine and rainbows, far from it. It was thanks to one another that they all made it through everything. However, the more complicated, the more entangled a relationship, the more cracks, the more points of failure could form. If one were to think of the possible complications in any relationship, then any new person factored in multiplied these complications. A square-cube law of love.
It was very like Ashlock to immediately think to worry about that. Sona assuaged her fears. “It’ll be alright. You worry too much, Ashley,” she said that, but it was clear she still kept it in mind.
The walk to the store ended. Alcoholic beverages were purchased.
The store was a crappy rundown convenience store, flickering white neon outdoors barely keeping alive a cheap, outdated and painfully passé brand sign with garish colors. The beer cost barely anything, and it seemed like it would taste cheap, too.
One thing still left unsaid. Justyna considered having some liquid courage. Pop a tab right there and then, then gulp down an entire can of cheap shitty beer in one swig. Surely that’d help her get the words out. Would surprise her company, perhaps. Uncharacteristic.
No, not right. She wanted to do this properly.
Every step she made; she felt her resolve grow stronger.
“There’s one more thing, Ashlock.”
The explaining felt familiar, by now. The dread, also. The wait. The situation was different, of course. Telling Sona had been a spur-of-the-moment thing. Meant to clear up the misconception that had arisen. It felt necessary. This? Not so much. She had more to lose than to gain.
Then again, if Ashlock was willing to accept that Sona and Justyna were to date now, she might accept remaining friends with Justyna, even if she did not reciprocate.
The Zalak’s expression was quite unexpected. Fartooth had seen Ashlock flustered before, but this had never been meant for her to see. “You really do like me, too?”
“I do.”
“I don’t know what to say,” she looked left, right, left, right. Shifty. “I’m flattered.”
“Is that a no?” Justyna wasn’t even disappointed, at this point. She expected complete rejection, and this was not that.
“It’s—I don’t know. Hey, we’re still going to be around each other. It’ll give me time to figure it out. It’s… not a no. Not a yes… It’s… something.”
“Something. I can make do with something.”
Justyna smiled as they turned the key to their room, and opened the door to crunched up sounds of digital violence.
“You guys were taking for—ever!” Iwona stated, crawling on the floor like a slug, her upside-down head looking up to the group from down, greasy treat from a package of processed food sticking out of her mouth.
In the corner, Justice Knight beeped happily. “Welcome back, masters!”
“Catch!” Sona said throwing a beer can at the Kuranta. She passed one to Ashlock, and then one to Justyna. She beamed warmly as their fingers lingered a tad too long against one another as Justyna received the object.
“Hand over the controller, Iwona. I want my revenge and I’ll get it if it’s the last thing I’ll do. Ashley, open me a can, will ya?”
Ashlock exchanged a glance with Fartooth, and popped the tab open.