Work Text:
Shinya wasn't holding up too well.
The world had been rushing forward for the past months, and he felt as if he was stuck. His friends seemed to pay no attention to this—as if he were the only person who was affected. They behaved the same way they did when they were just getting to know each other as teenagers, maintaining their carefree attitude despite the danger that rolled behind them like footprints.
But now he was twenty years old. And Guren was the same as he was a year ago, when they woke up in the middle of nowhere, and there was fear on his face. The logical explanation for this would be the end of the world, which they had undeniably experienced, but Shinya knew there was something more to it.
Guren lied, and lied, and lied—lying was all he did now. And even if someone saw it, they still pretended not to, and he couldn't even look him straight in the eye and say that everything was fine. That it was like it used to be.
He tried to explain it somehow; that he must’ve had a serious reason for behaving this way. But after all, if he just said the word, he would help him solve any problem, so why? Why couldn't things actually be like before?
Whatever Guren was facing, he truly believed that together they would be able to solve it. But he didn't want that, so it just kept getting worse. And no one seemed to notice or care.
"You missed the party," Shinya stood by the railing, not looking in his direction. Just as Guren seemed to no longer look after him lately. "That’s a shame. Everyone had a good time, but, well, it looks like it's no longer your thing."
He was pissed. Of course he was—and he had an excellent reason for it. In fact, just a few minutes ago he was set to greet him with a fist aimed at his cheek.
At first, he got answered by silence and, oh, he was very close to returning to his earlier attitude.
"Happy birthday," Guren replied simply when he finally decided to stand beside him. "Sorry for not being able to be there."
He was awfully quiet, even when he spoke. Shinya sometimes noticed in his voice and posture the same fear he saw in him a year ago—but he still couldn't find the source. He seemed to choose his every word and step carefully, as if they were no longer friends.
As if he no longer trusted him.
"Whatever," he shrugged his shoulders as if he wasn't angry enough with him that smashing his nose looked like an inefficient idea. "With or without you, I had a good time. And that's all that matters."
Shinya had never celebrated a birthday, really.
And not because he didn't want to. On the contrary—the vision of his own party filled him with childish excitement. It might’ve been silly, but the lack of a chance to ever experience it accumulated a lot of emotions in him.
So, he had his first birthday party when he was twenty. And Guren wasn't there.
That hurt more than he'd like to admit. It almost burned a hole in his chest at the very thought that he truly didn't show up.
Instead, he was now standing next to him, wishing him well as if nothing had ever happened and—actually Shinya himself didn't know what he was getting at, what he expected. But he really needed a lot of determination to simply not give in to that strange surge of euphoria that accompanied him every time they were near each other. He knew perfectly well what twisted his stomach so mercilessly, but his lips remained sealed on this subject.
"I know you're angry," he said, gently tapping his fingertips against the railings. "But I really had no choice."
"I don't care," Shinya replied almost immediately and momentarily wanted to bite his tongue for how desperate he sounded, and how opposite to his words that tone must‘ve been. "It may be wild, but my life doesn't revolve around you. Because we no longer have a common goal, right? It's over. You can disappear from my life and I won't even blink."
Maybe he said too much. Maybe he immediately regretted it—but Guren hurt him. He had hurt him more than just one time. So he could bear to be hurt himself at least this once.
He frowned his eyebrows, not even wasting a second to turn towards him. "What the fuck is your problem?"
Shinya wanted to hit him. He wanted him to take his insolence and choke on it, and take it with him to the grave.
"No, Guren, what is your problem?" he hissed. "What are you so afraid of?"
When their eyes finally met, Shinya realized he had begun to shake. They had barely exchanged any words, and that was still enough to have such an effect on him—it wasn't healthy. And it made him feel sick, lying to him so viciously.
My life doesn't revolve around you. How funny, considering that it was the complete opposite. He was falling apart more and more every day, all because he was being pushed away by the person on whom he had become completely dependent.
Guren breathed quietly through his nose, his eyes unfocused on any particular point. He looked almost lost, but he wasn't going to be honest—there was nothing to indicate that he would give him an answer this time.
But he was scared. He, too, was shaking.
"Have a drink with me."
And Shinya could no longer refuse.
Only then did he see how lovely Guren looked, with his face wrapped in colored lights and a strange gentleness settling on his cheeks. Of course, he objectively was an attractive person, and he didn't have to stare at him too long to come to that conclusion, but after getting lost in the resentment he felt towards him, he seemed to be rediscovering everything about him once again.
His hair was black and perhaps already a bit long—not that it bothered either of them. However, it was a disturbing reminder of how much time they had spent together. It would be a poor term to say that they had aged. A slightly better one would be to say that they grew up together.
And they were stupid. Shinya couldn't stop laughing when he first saw him with a stubble. Although it was a sight worth remembering, for sure.
And he was here now. Sitting right in front of him—as if they couldn't sit next to each other—and not looking him in the face. Which was rather unfortunate, because he had really pretty eyes.
A black shirt framed his body, and then it crossed Shinya's mind that for some reason he had decided to dress up before coming to see him. Then he took him to the pub and bought them drinks, and—he didn't know how to perceive it. Maybe he shouldn't even try. He was still angry at him, after all.
"If you think you'll get me drunk and suddenly I'll forget everything, you're grossly mistaken." he said, clamping his lips on the straw to take a sip of the drink. Guren's eyes followed the movement.
"That wouldn't be a very logical thing to do." he replied, with his gaze returning to the spot he had previously stared at.
Shinya hummed with amusement. "You're not a very logical person."
Guren rolled his eyes and took a sip, initiating a momentary silence between them. They had pink, matching straws. Cute.
"That really wasn't my intention," the man spoke up again after a brief pause, silently tapping his fingers against the table's surface. "I mean it. I just wanted to spend time with you."
He had never been very open about his feelings, so this unexpected vulnerability quite surprised Shinya.
"And I know what you want to say now," he continued, not giving him a chance to interject. "But I really couldn't come."
Shinya clenched his teeth.
He had already begun to slowly relax in his company and may have even tried to forget what had happened—but he was insufferable.
"Oh, don't piss me off," he sighed, using a straw to stir the contents of his glass. "I already said I don't care."
"But you lied."
"Just like you've been doing all this time, but no one seems to care, right?"
Guren stared at him for a long moment, his eyebrows pulled down and his lips tightened. It looked like he had no answer in store—because he was a fucking asshole and a coward—and then Shinya noticed how tired he looked.
In an instant he felt foolish, because, yes, Guren should've at least informed him that he wouldn't be able to attend the party, but... it was just a party. They could've done thousands more, and he had acted like a complete jerk while he had been trying to make it up to him all this time.
Shame instantly engulfed Shinya's body, which was strongly evident on his cheeks; now burning with a furious blush. His gaze began to slide further and further to the side, and he finally hid his face in his hands, letting out a deep, embarrassed groan.
"I'm sorry," he muttered, clutching the ends of his hair between his fingers. "God, what am I even doing?"
Guren didn't sigh, furrow his eyebrows or make any sound—his expression remained serious, as if he was thinking about something, or perhaps trying to banish any thoughts from his head.
"I deserved it," he stated after a long moment. "It's not something you should apologize for."
He had been odd lately. Not in that typical, locked-in and sometimes arrogant way—though he was undoubtedly isolating himself from the rest more than ever—but more... Shinya couldn't even put it into words. He just couldn't shake off the feeling that the overwhelming misery never disappeared from his face even for a moment.
Guren was struggling with something huge. Something lay on his heart and made it difficult for him to cover up his vulnerability; so he looked away and hid himself.
But Shinya didn't understand why he didn't reach out for help. If not to him, then to any other person. One way or another, they were all in love with him—he was a dear friend whose happiness they greatly valued.
"...You're full of shit." he replied eventually, shaking his head. Because if Guren didn't willingly come to cry on his shoulder, he had no way to make him do it. He wasn't that type of person.
He snorted with laughter, his fingertips touching his glass. "I guess I am."
And again the uncomfortable atmosphere set in between them. If he had to name it somehow, he would declare that it felt like a dense mass in a hot room with tightly closed windows.
"I should go," he said after moistening his lips with his tongue. His drink was still half full, but he felt that if he didn't get away now, something he would regret was going to happen.
He didn't know how such a feeling had awakened in him—there weren't many things he regretted. In fact, he saw no point in pondering and dwelling on the past. But when it came to Guren, Shinya discovered a ton of things about himself that he hadn't considered before. And now, with some uncertainty about his intentions on this night, it happened again.
"Please don't," Guren looked almost shy as he uttered these words. He finally looked up into his face, his violet eyes shining with something unfamiliar and strangely tempting. He minimally leaned towards him, placing his hands on the table. "Stay for the night."
So, Shinya stayed.
With his back pressed against the wall and his fingers lost between the black strands of hair he was eagerly pulling, he wondered if this was what he was subconsciously trying to protect himself from. But with his mind completely clouded by affection, he found it foolish; there was nothing he could regret at that moment.
Guren's lips were on him. It wasn't their first kiss, but it felt a bit like that when it got first initiated. However, it quickly turned into a passionate series of pushing against each other, licking and biting, which drew quiet sighs from both of them.
And it was a bit disappointing—briefly surprised, he noticed that he wanted Guren to be loud. To crumble beneath him and no longer be able to hide all that was swirling inside of him. And if he was going to do it this way, he could happily take it.
After all, it was his birthday.
While Guren wasted no time, his lips exploring his face, jaw and the scrap of his neck, Shinya wandered over his shoulders with his own hands. They appeared weirdly tense, so he decided to take a moment to gently massage them with his fingertips. He got a satisfied purr in response, so he smiled, squeezing his skin a little harder.
He was gentle. This wasn't surprising, because despite the brutality he displayed in combat, Shinya knew his true nature—that hidden deep beneath many layers and far too many clothes. Speaking of which, he hooked his fingers on the buttons of his shirt and unfastened two of them to see what they were really standing on. He didn't receive any negative reaction, so he took that as a good sign. Guren was invariably focused on distracting him with small kisses.
But it wasn't enough; it couldn't be. After unbuttoning one more button, he grabbed his jaw between his fingers to prevent him from reaching his face. And the way Guren then looked into his eyes probably became etched in his memory forever—he was hungry. Starved.
Shinya had to swallow his saliva as chills ran along his spine. Never before had he felt so openly… wanted. Desired. That could only be real for that night; he didn't care. What mattered was the very fact that he had him here, and he was going to destroy him.
He tilted Guren's head back and momentarily sucked on his neck. Not too hard, but enough to draw a stifled whine from him. Encouraged by his reaction, he smirked into his skin, tickling it with his breath released through the nose and moistening it with wet kisses.
"You sound so pretty," he muttered, resting his forehead against his shoulder for a moment. "You should stop it because I might fall for you."
He laughed, but those words left a dry taste in his throat. Guren didn't respond, but that was fine. He didn't have to.
He finally got rid of his shirt, and Shinya's one followed it not so long after, along with his tie. When he ended up with his pants unbuttoned and Guren's knee between his thighs, eagerly pushing against his crotch, he felt almost embarrassed. No one had seen him like this before—and maybe it was only then that this realization actually hit him.
But he was also happy that it was Guren. He couldn't imagine any other person in his place.
Still, that raised a bunch of other questions he shouldn't be thinking about when his friend was pushing him against the wall and shoving his hand down his pants. And—fuck, they were really going to do it.
Shinya suddenly grabbed Guren's wrist, causing Guren to look at him with slight concern. With a quick, heavy breath, he first looked at the spot where his hand was, and then at his face.
"...Why are you doing this?"
It was probably one of the dumbest questions he had ever asked. But it felt right to do—he wasn't sure what Guren really wanted. Once again that night, he was confronted with the reality that he truly didn't know his intentions.
Guren raised his eyebrows, but didn't move away.
"I want to fuck you, if that's what you're asking," his direct answer made Shinya roll his eyes.
"No, I mean... But, why?"
He sighed, moving closer to him. "Shinya..."
But Shinya turned his head, avoiding his mouth—clenched his lips and pushed his hand away, even though something inside him screamed that he was doing an unimaginably stupid thing.
"Why, Guren? Is this your way of apologizing? To compensate me for what you did? I—I don't know, to hide something?" he began to babble. "Because if so, then..."
He grabbed Shinya's wrists, preventing him from delving further into these thoughts.
"Listen. I want to have sex with you because you are you. Because I want to have fun with you. Make you feel good," he muttered and let go of one of his wrists to touch his cheek. He stroked it with his thumb, tilting his head. "I know I've been lately doing a lot of—Well, I'm able to understand your hesitation. But believe me, just this once."
And it hurt—because in the past there had never been a day when he doubted Guren. Now he felt foolish for allowing himself to do so at all.
He breathed deeply and snuggled his nose into his neck for a while. He received a gentle stroking of his hair, which allowed him to calm his nerves more effectively.
"Keep your hands off me," he said suddenly, stepping back and sending him a lazy look. "I'll blow you."
Guren blinked and escaped to the side with his eyes, which was quite cute. If it weren't for the darkness surrounding the room, he probably could've seen the blush covering his nose, which he had just rubbed nervously.
"Alright," he mumbled, sounding almost breathless, and Shinya smiled, looking forward to what he was going to do with him. "If that's what you want."
Shinya wanted it—he obviously wanted it. Probably even before it was appropriate. But he began by drawing him back into a kiss, with his tongue impatiently pressing against his lips. He took a breath, lapping at his mouth, and just let them kiss for a while. Slower, but with growing desperation.
He tightened his fingers on the back of Guren's neck, holding him close. After a while, he pulled away and watched with satisfaction as his lips tried to follow his, seeking lost friction. With a pleased smile on his face, he stroked Guren's skin, who frowned slightly, looking at him with anticipation.
It was too dark for Shinya to see all of his features. But the first thing he observed was the unnatural humility he displayed at that time. He didn't talk much—maybe he was afraid of his voice; of what he might hear if he let himself speak. They were all afraid of something.
"Should I sit down?" Guren asked, quietly and with a slight hoarseness that must've been caused by their earlier kisses. As he cleared his throat, Shinya realized he was lost in thought for a moment.
This time, he was the one who lost his tongue, as he merely nodded his head, framing the room with unconcerned eyes and rubbing his nose with the willow of his hand. Only a few seconds passed, but it still seemed to take him an incredibly long time to find the bed.
And soon after, he found himself on his knees, with Guren's fingers in his hair and his lips on his own as he leaned down to once again pull him into a kiss. Shinya never wanted to forget that feeling—not when he held him so dearly, causing him to groan into his mouth.
He finally unbuttoned his pants and was oddly relieved to discover that Guren was already half hard. Of course, this was a normal body reaction, especially after what had happened between them, but it gave him hope that he wanted it as much as he did.
Because Guren wouldn't do it if he didn't want it, right? He wouldn't do it just to do him some kind of favor?
That's probably why he decided not to let him do everything alone. Of course, that wasn't the only thing that drove him, but the desire to be assured that Guren was also experiencing this for his own sake was strong—because he knew what Guren was like. With what ease he was able to devote himself to people just to make them happy, to fulfill their desires.
Not everyone could see this, but he was really selfless. And Shinya wanted him to do something just for himself for once.
Shortly after, Guren's pants, along with his underwear, became entangled around his ankles. When Shinya’s lips touched his thighs, he almost automatically parted them, giving him better access. Naturally, he gladly accepted this, leaving wet kisses on his skin, which he guided higher and higher.
His hand, which he had held loosely on his leg before, he eventually decided to wrap around Guren's dick. He moved his hand experimentally, immediately drawing a sigh from him.
"Shinya..." he muttered, causing Shinya to look at him and smile slyly like a cat.
It may not have been a very appropriate time to draw attention to it, but Guren smelled really nice. It was certainly the product of his perfume—whose delicate, sweet scent had lodged itself in his mind when he slipped his nose into his neck earlier.
In a way, it was connected to how he looked right now. Subtle, though his thighs trembled under Shinya's touch, and a red blush was slowly coming down to his chest. He was charming, but in a manner that made him want to swallow him whole.
"Hmm?" Shinya murmured into his thigh, his fingers invariably studying his dick. Soon he pressed his fingertip against its head, out of the corner of his eye trying to watch Guren bite the inside of his cheek. "Is there something you want to say?"
He saw Guren struggling—as despite his rather monotone expression, his eyes sparkled a little more, giving intensity to his gaze. And that was enough for Shinya to conclude that he had made a good choice.
He had never done this before, so his experience was negligible, but it's not like Guren had much to compare him to. Besides, he seemed to take it pretty well, even though they hadn't even properly started yet, so clearly it had to be fine. At least that's what he hoped.
"No words?" Shinya asked when he got no answer and moved his hand away from his crotch. "Alright, if that's your call."
Guren momentarily grabbed his wrist and breathed through his nose with an irritated expression.
"You're so fucking annoying," he mumbled, looking at him with his eyebrows pulled down, but also a weird gentleness in his eyes.
"Careful," he giggled in response, shaking Guren's hand off his own. "You're at my mercy now."
Shinya embraced his dick and finally leaned over to curiously touch its head with his tongue. He got another stifled gasp as a reply, and it wasn't long before Guren pushed the white strands of hair away from his face for which he was quite grateful.
If he was going to be honest, it tasted normal—as if he had just licked his skin. Although it had a bit more of a salty flavor.
Finally, he decided to move his head forward, taking it more into his mouth. Not too deep yet, trying to get used to this new state while his hand worked on the rest.
Guren's chest rose a little more violently as the friction increased. Nevertheless, he still didn't close his eyes, watching him and lazily caressing his cheek.
Shinya liked it. He liked it a lot. And to show his approval, he slid it out of his mouth almost fully, then moved his face forward again; a little deeper this time, and then sucked, clamping his lips on it. Guren hissed in return, squeezing the strands of his hair harder between his fingers.
"You're doing so well," he muttered, as Shinya, encouraged by his words and the signals sent by his body, continued, trying to find a steady rhythm. "Look at you. So pretty for me, as if you were made for this."
It was so good and stupid at the same time; he didn't know why something like that turned him on so much, but, well, apparently sucking cock was slowly taking away one's senses. But if it was going to be done that way, he didn't mind. He even purred, closing his eyelids to display his appreciation.
Shinya sometimes changed the angle at which he moved his head or took it much further, in the process making embarrassing, choking sounds, but it was worth it. Then Guren would tilt his head back, eyelids clenched and lips parted, with those sweet, need-leaking sounds filling the room along with soft curses.
He rarely pulled away to take a break and just use his palm. And that was probably a mistake, given how much pressure he was giving to his jaw and how much saliva was accumulating in his mouth, but he didn't care. Not when he had Guren shaking and crumbling under him the way he wanted it.
He could look dirty; that wasn't a problem for him either. If Guren liked the view, he had nothing to worry about. It's not like there was anyone else with them, after all.
"So good," he almost whispered, stroking his hair. "You're so good for me, Shinya."
Hearing him in this state, directly moaning his name—this was a truly unique experience. He could feel his own dick pushing against the underwear from which it had never been released, and reached down to clench his hand on it with the air desperately released through his nose.
Guren noticed this, of course; even though he was just as needy as Shinya, he tilted his head and smirked under his breath, looking at him from under those dumb, long eyelashes.
"Getting yourself off to sucking another dick? Really?" he asked and, oh, Shinya wanted to punch him. Guren really thought that he was the boss in this situation. "You like it that much?"
He would’ve bit back at him somehow, if not for the fact that he had—
"No words?" he asked what Shinya immediately recognized as something he himself had said not too long ago. "I can understand that. You shouldn't speak with a full mouth."
God, he was about to bite his stupid cock off.
And he might've even tried to do something in that area, if it weren't for the fact that Guren suddenly pushed the back of his head and forced him to take him deeper—the deepest he had ever taken him. Which, of course, meant that he could no longer pretend that his gag reflex existed. Then he felt the culprit of this whole situation stroking his cheek affectionately while breathing out loudly.
"There, there," he mumbled. "Shit, I'm sorry—I should've asked. But you look so..."
Shinya pulled away and coughed, wrinkling his forehead. Then he looked up and saw Guren's embarrassed face, who immediately ran his eyes to the side.
Damn, he already looked so messy. Maybe he had valued his skills a little too low.
"Do it again," he said before he had time to think.
Guren blinked, uncertainly returning his gaze to him. "What?"
"I said do it again," he repeated, licking his lips, which suddenly began to seem oddly dry to him. Just like his throat through which he himself didn't believe he could squeeze such words. "Fuck my mouth."
The intense gaze didn't leave his face even for a moment. Guren didn't move for a second, but he took a final breath and reached back to his cheeks, his hair, and then the sides of his head. "Okay."
He sounded as breathless as when Shinya made the offer to suck him off—or rather, declared that he was going to. Then he instinctively parted his lips wider, wanting to make it easier for Guren, at which he received a half-amused, broken-off snort. He wanted to comment on it somehow, but his dick got once again placed on his tongue. And Guren grinned, looking at his red face.
And then Shinya saw stars.
He had to dig his nails into his thighs to keep from immediately backing off as Guren's hips moved forward, expanding his throat in a way he didn't know it could've been expanded. It was a strange feeling; to have no control over something he had previously had completely under his thumb. In that way it also made it a whole new experience, but he trusted Guren. Even if he was sometimes irrational and just plain stupid, he would never intentionally harm him.
He clenched his eyelids, trying to heighten the experience by sucking on his dick—though mostly it was impossible by the pace Guren imposed. And then he felt a pre-cum on his tongue, so he deduced that he would now chase his desire even more.
But to his surprise, Guren suddenly stopped. With an endless series of sweet sounds, he began to slowly slide out of Shinya's mouth. And he groaned as he looked at his plump, reddened lips, which sucked on his head one last time.
"Fuck," he hissed, and soon leaned over him, catching his lips in a kiss and not caring that his dick had been inside him only a second ago.
Shinya's head was spinning. He returned the kiss as fervently as he could, weaving his fingers between the black strands of his hair, but his mind was still blanked by what had just happened. He felt embarrassment flowing through his entire body, but at the same time he also felt satisfaction at how eagerly Guren moaned his name solely because of the operation of his lips.
They kissed for another moment, tongue and teeth involved, and he could feel the other purring into his mouth. If he could, he would've spent the rest of that night on his knees. He was sure Guren would've liked to see him with his cum on his face or down his throat—but apparently he had other plans for them, since he held back.
"You're so filthy." Shinya muttered after they pulled apart, but smiled, looking up at him.
"Fuck you," Guren replied, holding his face between his hands and reciprocating the smile. "If only you could see yourself."
He only laughed briefly in response. "I bet I looked nice."
"Nice?" he raised an eyebrow, hooking the corner of his mouth with his thumb, then pushing it against his lower lip, so Shinya playfully nudged him with his tongue. "God, I could devour you."
That was hot. It was so fucking hot. Especially when immediately afterwards Guren leaned in, renewing the kiss and making him openly moan into his mouth.
He succeeded in achieving what he wanted—to loosen him up and make him be his genuine side again. A little arrogant, but fun and challenging. If only he knew that all he had to do was to suck him off.
Supporting himself on his knees, he finally rose from the floor and efficiently slid onto his thighs. Guren's body was warm against his skin; touching him felt like putting his hand into boiling water. But he didn't care, even if he was about to end up with multiple burns.
As they kissed, Shinya could feel how deeply he breathed into his mouth. Guren embraced his jaw with his palm, slowly sliding his lips to the side and continuously moistening his jaw until he reached his ear, which he bit gently. Shinya tried to stay focused by squeezing his neck, but he made it effectively difficult for him—especially when his free hand slid down and soon wrapped his fingers around his dick.
"Don't think I forgot it's your birthday," he had to close his eyes when Guren whispered those words into his ear. He didn't even sound any different than usual, but all the intimacy of that moment made Shinya nervously let the air out from between his lips. "You're working so hard to please me, but I should rather be the one doing it for you, don't you think? Come on, Shinya. Let me take care of you."
Guren moved his hand, causing Shinya's hips to immediately thrust forward. He still didn't open his eyes—he didn't want to see that damned, smug smile on his face. But he could give in, at least for a moment.
"Are you doing it only because of that?" he asked, despite the uncertainty that clenched at his throat. "Because it's my birthday?"
He didn't quite know if he definitely wanted to know the answer. There were many unsaid things between them; and Shinya sometimes wondered if they ever had a chance to live happily together. Was there a reality in which they didn't have to worry about the apocalypse, and in which he could just take Guren's hand, and tell him he loved him. Because if so, he would give up everything to be there.
But at that time, nothing was normal. Guren was growing more distant, no matter how desperately he wrapped his arms around him.
"Is this how you see me?" he asked, sounding a little amused, and shook his head. "Well, I rather not fuck all my friends on their birthdays."
"God, I don't care who you fuck," he lied, rolling his eyes. "I really don't want you to do it... only for me."
"And you're still going on about it?" he sighed. "I already told you. I want you, Shinya. Just... let me have you."
Guren blushed. And looked at him with such attraction and desire that Shinya couldn't look away.
"Are you always so corny when you're turned on?" he muttered, unable to stand the strange tension hanging in the air.
In response, he received a snort of clearly pretended annoyance. "Shut up."
Shinya smiled and then they kissed once again. Having his lips on his own felt natural—he still tasted like war and a last farewell before a battle from which they were destined not to emerge unharmed. But by touching him, he got reminded that he was here and they never had to part again.
Guren at one point grabbed him around the waist and twisted their bodies so that Shinya's back met the soft surface of the bed. Spread out underneath him, he merely reciprocated the kiss as the rest of his clothes finally disappeared.
And then, he remembered something important. So he tightened his fingers on Guren's shoulders, breaking the kiss and causing the latter to groan in displeasure.
"Do we even have...?" he asked, but Guren only blinked, frowning. "You won’t be going in dry!"
As if burned, he immediately pulled away in a hurry and swept the room with his eyes.
"Uh, yes. I know," he said before getting out of bed.
Shinya lazily followed him with his eyes and discovered that Guren was reaching into the pocket of his jacket, which he had thrown on the floor earlier, just after they got inside this room.
With a hint of amusement, he lifted the corners of his mouth, "Do you always carry this with you?"
"Of course not." Guren snorted, tossing lube and a packet of condoms onto the bed. He sat down on the edge himself, glancing at Shinya—and he could immediately feel how he started to check him out with his eyes.
However, he decided not to show what effect it had on him. He already had enough examples of that after this night anyway.
"So, you approached me tonight with the intention of ending up in bed with me?"
Guren looked at his fingernails, as if they had suddenly become particularly interesting to him. "Yeah. Basically."
Shinya rolled his eyes and kicked him lightly in the back, which drew a giggle from both of them.
"You're so stupid," he muttered, leaning out to grab him by the forearm and pull him back to his body. "What if you didn't succeed?"
Guren eagerly moved closer to him once more. But he was still sitting instead of getting completely on top of him, and although he was smiling in his direction, this somehow puzzled Shinya.
"You could say it was a rather flawed plan."
With the corners of his mouth still raised, he escaped his gaze to the side. So instead of continuing their banter, Shinya propped himself up on his elbow, feeling anxiety gathering in his stomach.
Had he said or done something wrong? Did Guren suddenly lose interest—or maybe he really never had it?
Biting the inside of his cheek, he tried to wave these thoughts away. He was certainly overthinking it too much. He believed Guren.
"What's the matter?" he asked when he had relatively calmed his still-buzzing thoughts.
Guren looked at him as if he had not expected such a question at all. The sincere surprise quickly evaporated, and he rubbed his face with his hand and let the air out through his nose.
"I have something I want to ask you," he admitted almost shyly, driving an intense gaze into him. The same one he gave him when he was on his knees right in front of him. "Can you finger yourself for me?"
Shinya parted his lips slightly, because—Well. Suddenly his earlier concerns seemed unimaginably silly. He was worried that Guren didn't want him anymore, while he imagined the way he was going to take him.
"I can take care of it if you don't want to," he added momentarily, licking his lips. "That will be fine, too."
No, no, no.
"No," he interjected immediately, his hand reaching for the lube lying nearby. "I'll do it."
If that was what he wanted, he was going to give him the best show he could think of.
Indeed, the audience; the realization that Guren was watching him the entire time made him bite his lip.
He put the first finger into his hole. Squeezing it through his muscles wasn't too difficult, but it didn't give him too much pleasure either. He just had a finger in his butt. Alright.
However, he had to go through it to stretch himself out better. The beginnings were usually quite clumsy, but that's what he was doing—stretching. And the awareness of who he was actually preparing for went straight to his lower abdomen, making him feel weird. In a good way, of course.
He bent one leg at the knee and propped himself up on the bed with it to make the movements he was making with his wrist more visible. He constantly felt Guren's gaze on him, so he couldn't wait any longer and soon pushed his other finger in as well, even though it required him to endure a little discomfort. But then the friction increased considerably, which began to draw a quiet whines from his mouth.
He couldn't hide the fact that he purposely slipped his watcher's name from between his lips at times to turn him on even more. And as it turned out, it had fruitful results, because when he peered in his direction, he saw that he was touching himself. Cheeks flushed, eyes focused and a hand on his dick.
"Does it feel good?" he asked softly, slowly stroking himself. "Fuck, you look so pretty."
"Mmm..." Shinya murmured, increasing his pace after receiving this compliment. "It's not enough."
The sounds flew out of him much more naturally. For a moment he even considered adding a third finger, but found that he was already stretched enough—and then he hissed, not expecting that Guren would decide to add to his sensations by wrapping his fingers around his dick.
"What a pretty thing," he mumbled, slowly moving his hand, and it was too much, and he was already too sensitive. "So needy."
He groaned, wondering what was going on in Guren's head right now; what he was thinking about, how he was perceiving him. Sometimes he wanted to get under his skin, to get a complete idea of his way of thinking. But because of his inability to do so, he had to settle for sex. It was also going to bring them together, after all.
The furious movement of Shinya's hand was eventually interrupted when he grabbed his wrist. He said nothing, forcing his hand aside and drew him in for a kiss, slipping his own fingers into his hole without any warning.
This was something completely new—losing control of the pace he had previously imposed on himself and being forced to submit to a new one, conducted by Guren. They were the same height and didn't differ too much in body proportions, but Shinya moaned into his mouth anyway, completely off balance.
"Guren," he managed to mutter. Their breaths practically mingled. "Guren, please."
He seemed not to listen. Breathing loudly, he kissed him on the cheek, causing Shinya to part his lips slightly. Still, it was quite an intimate gesture—in a slightly different way than what had just been happening to his ass.
"Guren," he tried again and sighed, wrapping one leg around his waist. They found themselves in such a position that he was already almost lying on top of him. "I—I can't... Just fuck me. Guren, Guren."
The movement finally stopped and Shinya almost breathed a sigh of relief as his leaking dick rubbed against Guren's belly. With a lazy, misty expression, their eyes met.
He wondered what he looked like, spread out underneath him and shaking—just the way he had wanted him before. His hole tightened on nothing but air and he grabbed his shoulders, then wrapped his arms around his neck.
Guren rubbed their noses together, catching his inner thigh and spreading his legs wider. They were so close. He was so close, and he wasn't going anywhere.
He was right within reach. No—he was literally touching him. He could feel him, taste him, hear him. Have him.
He wanted to have him forever.
Suddenly, he wished to get that hotel bedding dirty.
"Come inside of me," he said. "We'll clean it up."
He raised his eyebrows at first, but soon his facial features softened and he kissed the corner of his mouth.
"You mean I'll clean it up."
Shinya only giggled. "If you volunteer."
But the atmosphere was already too thick to focus on any jokes. Guren ran his fingers over his waist, which caused him to shiver pleasantly.
"Are you sure it's not just the chatter of your horny brain?" he asked. "I don't want you to regret anything about this night."
God, he was ridiculously attractive when he looked at him that way. He could melt under his gaze.
"Well, of course that's my horny brain talking, because I'm fucking turned on," he licked his lips impatiently. "So you'd better listen to it and get to work."
Guren let go of him to reach for the lube and lubricate his dick with it some more. Shinya swallowed, seeing how furiously red he already was.
"Alright," he muttered after that and leaned over his ear to softly bite it once again. "’m gonna make you moan like a girl."
Shinya snorted with laughter, as it was a really pathetic phrase, but decided that he wouldn't comment on it anymore. Playing with the ends of the black strands of his hair, he felt the tip of Guren's dick press against his hole and immediately held his breath, freezing in place.
This filled him with a certain nervousness, but at the same time with an excitement that directly boiled in his stomach—especially when he caught a glimpse of Guren's face. Seeing how hard he was trying to make sure everything went well was sweet. He was sweet. Even in that moment, as he pressed his lips together with his hair sticking to his forehead, holding his legs and slowly moving his hips forward.
And, oh. Shinya didn't expect how easily this would draw a gasp from him. More caused by sheer surprise by his complete inexperience than anything else.
Guren was careful, going a little deeper into him. He looked so good while doing so that Shinya was able to distract himself for a moment and put his hand on his chest while another trembling sound escaped from between his lips.
It was like nothing he had experienced before—and both of them had to get used to the feeling, so they stopped motionless for a while, their loud breaths being the only sign that anyone was in the room.
"I got you," Guren whispered, brushing his nose against his neck. He left a few kisses on it. "Try to relax, okay? I'll move now."
Shinya couldn't see his eyes at the moment, but he guessed very well at seeing what he could expect in them. That soft determination that appeared every time he had a goal he wanted to bring to completion. This time mixed with the intensity of desire and—Oh, so sweetly spilling into the purple of his irises.
He just nodded slightly, knowing that Guren would notice. And he wasn't wrong, because soon enough his hips moved forward again, now deeper than before. Shinya parted his lips, fingertips tightening on his shoulder as he then nearly slid out of him.
"Was that good?" Guren asked, and he opened his eyes, immediately pouring his gaze into his figure. Because what a sight it was.
The worry on his face mixed with his completely flushed body, his rapidly rising chest and the lust in his eyes—Shinya could die right now. He could die and he would be a perfectly happy, satisfied person.
To be fair, not quite; they still had to bring it to the end. So in response, he wrapped his legs around his hips and pushed him against his body, making them both groan.
"I won't break, Guren," he said, reaching up to brush strands of hair away from his face and then embrace his cheeks. "Just do it already."
Guren almost immediately caught his lips between his own, resting his palms on the bed, and began to thrust forward. Sloppily and slowly at first, picking up a faster pace over time and sucking all the sounds right out of Shinya's mouth, who was finding it harder and harder to focus on the kiss. When at one point he let his hands fall to the sides of his head, Guren decided to entwine their fingers together.
And that was the moment when he thought without any fear how much he loved him. Even if that thought made him feel unimaginably sad.
"Yes, just like that. You're taking it so well," Guren mumbled as Shinya pushed his hips up to meet his.
"Guren..." he called out, because in the last few moments his name was apparently the only thing he knew how to say.
And with his hands straight pressed against the mattress, he tilted his head back, breathing loudly and not wavering from announcing how good he felt.
However, his dick also needed attention—actually for quite a long time—which he remembered when it got almost squeezed between their bodies after Guren decided to bend over him even more.
From this angle, he was acting much more brutally and intensely, giving him no time to rest; Shinya suddenly wanted something to clench his teeth on, as the sounds coming out of him were becoming embarrassingly too loud. Guren didn't seem to care about this—on the contrary, he tried to draw even more of them out of him. To do so, he let go of his hands and embraced his hips to thrust into him with even more force.
"Shit... For fuck’s sake..." Shinya cried out as Guren sighed softly above him, soon leaning down to leave wet kisses on his chest.
Along with that, he reached between their bodies and finally, finally took care of his leaking dick. This caused Shinya to gasp violently for air, maneuvering his hips to get as much friction as possible. He heard an amused murmur from Guren, and if he hadn't been busy enough being fucked, he would've rolled his eyes now.
"Are you close?" he asked, and it was the worst thing in the world, because despite wrapping his fingers around his dick, he didn't even begin to move his wrist.
But he had no strength to argue—which actually surprised him. If that's what they called fucking one's brains out, he fully understood that phrase now.
"Yes," he breathed. "Yes, Guren. I—Touch me. Please, I want—"
Guren kissed him briefly on the jaw. "It's okay, Shinya."
Fortunately, he didn't need to be told twice. He momentarily started moving his hand aggressively, not even for a moment slowing down the pace of his thrusts, and Shinya felt a little ashamed at how easily it brought him to orgasm. It happened instantly—he arched his back then, staining his stomach, chest and a piece of Guren's body with his cum. But he wasn't loud then, only quietly mumbling his name.
Guren fucked him through this orgasm, apparently chasing after his own. Utterly overwhelmed, he could already feel tears gathering at the corners of his eyes as he held him close, with his lips still open and desperate sounds reaching his ears. And he was able to just lie there, taking it all in as his head spun from the complete overstimulation.
Soon he finally stopped, filling up his hole, and Shinya almost choked, clinging to his arms.
In an instant, all the energy flew out of them both. Guren dropped loosely onto his sweaty body and closed his eyes as Shinya's hand tangled between his hair. They lay together for another long moment, not talking and trying to recover from such intense activity.
Their breathing finally calmed down and Shinya tapped Guren on the shoulder to remind him that he was still inside him. He groaned in response and lazily slid out of him, but didn't move away—quite the opposite, he snuggled into his body even more.
"I always knew you were the cuddly type," he commented with a small smile, because that was nice. He didn't know why he imagined that Guren would just disappear after all of this.
He was here. They could pretend for a little longer. Maybe even until morning, as long as the rest of their friends didn't start looking out for them.
He would be more than willing to wake up next to him and have breakfast together. God, was that too much to ask for?
"Shut up." he mumbled, burying his face in his neck, despite how disgustingly sticky they both were. Shit, they really needed to clean up and take a bath. But they could... just for a while longer...
Shinya's head was empty and full at the same time. He was warm, despite this cold November night.
"Stay for breakfast." he suggested eventually, out of breath.
So, Guren stayed.