Chapter Text
If Nancy had to sum up her life in one word, it was trauma. And if she ever met with a therapist, the one thing they would say about her is that she doesn’t process it.
Watching her parents dig up that trunk. Trauma.
Facing off against dangerous people and being called a hero for it in middle and high school. Trauma.
Mom dying of cancer. Trauma.
Finding out Lucy Sable was her real mom. Trauma.
The Whisper Box.
That she was a Hudson.
Being kidnapped and held with a rope around her neck with the intent to kill her.
Celia dying and finding her.
Seeing Ace milliseconds away from falling off the warehouse.
Reviving George and realizing she accidentally killed an old man.
The reason she had issues forming real relationships.
Being the cause of 12 victims would never receive true justice.
All the nightmares.
It was all just trauma, trauma, trauma.
And Nancy couldn’t handle it anymore.
Today should have been a win. Everett was in jail. It wasn’t for 12 murders, but one was good enough. And she wasn’t going to die anymore from the wraith, so that was good.
The dreamscape had messed her up. Seeing all of her past traumas staring her in the face, practically begging her to confront them, to acknowledge them.
“You’re strong enough,” Ace had told her after she had woken up. And Nancy had been wondering if he was right.
She couldn’t fall asleep that night. Ryan and her dad were just down the hall, and she knew they really wouldn’t mind if she woke either of them up. Everyone always said they were there for her, but Nancy felt like a burden nonetheless.
Her mind wouldn’t stop racing. All she really wanted was a hug from her mom. Kate Drew always gave the best hugs. She felt unsettled, among other things, and she just wanted to cry loudly, but settled for letting tears roll silently down her cheeks.
She rolled over and checked her phone. It was a little past 1am. Nobody should be awake right now. She sighed shakily, deciding that she definitely wouldn’t be getting any sleep tonight. She hadn’t really slept for weeks. Nancy scribbled out a note for her dad and left it on her comforter, saying that she couldn’t sleep and was going for a drive.
The second she closed the door to her car, Nancy started sobbing. She rested her forehead on the steering wheel, feeling the heaves overtake her body. Out here, she wasn’t going to wake anyone up.
She drove on autopilot and wasn’t really surprised when she pulled into Horseshoe Bay cemetery. She had really been meaning to visit her mom, but things had just been so crazy lately.
She parked and trudged over to her mom’s headstone, and kneeled down, resting her forehead against the cool stone. She felt hot tears collecting behind her eyes again.
“I’m sorry mom,” she got out, voice breaking, barely above a whine.
Nancy had no idea how long she stayed there for, kneeling and crying. She couldn’t help but think about exactly how wrong Ace had been. She was never that strong.
She wiped her eyes and leaned away, sitting criss cross in front of the stone. After a moment’s hesitation, she rifled through her satchel. Her eyes fell on her cellphone, and she knew she should call somebody. But then she saw the moonlight shine on her knife, that she kept for personal safety.
The irony wasn’t lost on Nancy as she slowly pulled the knife out of her bag. She had threatened people when walking home alone at night with the knife many times before, but had never even considered using it in herself.
With shaking hands and alligator tears continuing to cascade down her cheeks, Nancy slowly lifted the knife to her left forearm. She stared at her pale and unmarred skin for a hard second before making a quick cut with the knife.
She gasped, then let out a sob. It hurt just as much as she had expected it to.
And she decided that her insides finally kind of matched her outsides.
Before she could have another second to think, she made two more long cuts right above the previous one, then threw the knife to the side in disgust. Nancy looked up at the stone in front of her.
Kate Drew
1973-2019
Loving mother and wife
Nancy’s face crumpled as she held her arm out, letting the blood drip into the grass. “I’m so sorry mom. I can’t.”
It felt good to just sob, really sob. Nancy couldn’t remember the last time she had cried so hard. Probably after her mom’s funeral.
It was almost 2am when she had finally cried herself out. Her eyes were puffy and bloodshot. The blood from her arm had gotten all over her shirt and shorts and the grass below her. It wasn’t until this very moment that Nancy realized the mass of blood there was. She was a little dizzy and lightheaded, but she thought it was just from crying.
Either way, Nancy knew she needed help. She didn’t trust herself not to pick up the knife again and do something completely irrational. Her anxiety had always been worse at night, and her mom had always told her not to trust her thoughts after nine at night.
Just another way Nancy had let her down.
Nancy wiped at her eyes and dug through her bag for her phone. She wouldn’t call her dad or Ryan. Their panic would just make her feel worse. She knew George and Nick were going through something of their own and really didn’t want to bother them.
Bess and Ace had both been repeatedly telling her she should open up to them. She knew it was something people just said, but they were two of her best friends, and she liked to think they genuinely cared about her. Bess had spent most of the last year sleeping on her couch, after all. But she was going through her own grieving over Odette.
Nancy, after a moment’s hesitation, clicked on Ace’s contact.
She tried to clench her jaw to stop even more tears from coming as the phone rang, and rang, and rang, and then stopped. She lowered her phone back into her bag.
Ace wasn’t awake. No one was going to help her.
Just before she started another sobbing episode, Nancy’s phone rang, and she answered it before it could even finish the first ring.
“Nancy?” Ace’s tired voice, and her whole body sagged in relief. “Sorry, I keep my phone on my dresser so I actually have to get up to turn my alarm off. You ever tried that?”
Nancy chuckled wetly. Yeah, she made the right call.
“Anyway, what’s up? You okay?”
Nancy sniffled. A second passed, then, “no.”
Ace’s shocked silence was stifling. They had both known the answer for weeks, but neither of them had ever actually expected her to say it.
“Okay,” he breathed. “Okay. What do you need?”
Nancy bit her lip. She had already woken him up. She really didn’t want to ask anything else of him.
“Nance?”
“Uh,” she looked down at her arm. It had pretty much stopped bleeding, but she did need to clean up, and she was still in a bad place. “I, I think I need help. I did something stupid. Can you come get me? Please? Sorry, I know it’s super late and…”
“No, I’ll be right there. Where are you?” He asked. Nancy appreciated how calm he always was under pressure. “And how stupid are we talking?” He added jokingly.
Nancy’s silence scared him. Really, truly terrified him.
“I’m at my mom’s grave.”
His heart jumped up into his throat. But he knew the last thing Nancy needed was somebody panicking.
“Okay, gimmie like 10 minutes. Should I bring anything?”
Silence. Then, “first aid kit.”
He swallowed, hard. He thought for a second. “How much blood?”
Another minute. “It’s pretty much dried by now.”
He nodded to himself and ran a hand through his hair. “Okay. Okay, that’s good. I’m about to leave. Hang in there Nance.” He was about to hang up, but then, “do you want me to stay on the line?”
Nancy’s voice was small. Smaller than he had thought could come out of her. “Yes please.”
They listened to Florence’s rock station while Ace drove to the cemetery. Just knowing she wasn’t going to be alone for much longer was doing wonders in calming Nancy down.
It wasn’t hard for Ace to find her when he pulled into the cemetery. Her little blue car stuck out everywhere she went, and it was the only one there at this time of night. He pulled in behind it and hopped out. He looked around rapidly for a minute with his phone flashlight before catching a glimpse of bright red hair.
He jogged over to her, clutching the first aid kit under one arm. It was freaking him out how still she was.
He skidded to her side and kneeled down in front of her. He took in the blood smeared all over the front of her before meeting her red eyes. He wrapped his arms around her as tightly as he could without another moment’s hesitation.
He wasn’t all that surprised when he felt tears start to wet his shirt. He wove his fingers into Nancy’s hair, rubbing his other hand up and down her back calmingly.
He had been wondering when Nancy’s life would finally catch up with her.
“I’ve got you, Nance,” he murmured in her ear. “I’m here. Right here.”
A single strangled sob escaped her throat, and he flinched a little at the rawness of it, but didn’t pull away. He waited until her tears stopped before pushing her back a little, holding onto her upper arms.
He looked her up and down before he saw the three neat cuts on her arm, the cause of all the blood. He then noticed the bloody blade lying beside her, sparkling in the moonlight. It didn’t take much for him to piece it together.
When he met her eyes again, he saw fear. “Ace…”
“No, Nance, it’s okay,” he told her quickly. He wiped tears from her cheeks. “You cut yourself, right?”
Nancy looked down, ashamed. She sniffled and nodded. She had never felt so small.
“Okay,” Ace said. “It happens to more people than you think. You’re gonna be okay.” He brushed some hair out of her face. “Mind if I take a look at your arm?”
He wiped some of the blood away with water and gauze, and then wrapped her forearm. He knew he probably should’ve been freaking out more that Nancy had cut herself, especially this badly, but he felt better knowing that she had called for help.
“Okay,” he said as he taped the end of the gauze roll in place. He gave her some more gauze and a water bottle to clean off her legs. “How about we go back to my place and you can get a change of clothes and sleep it off? Don’t worry about your dad. You’ve gotta be exhausted. I think you should just get some rest.”
Nancy nodded. Her voice was hoarse. “Yeah, that sounds good.”
He nodded. He gave her his hands and led her to the passenger side of his car. The ride back to his house was spent in silence.
Nancy started to panic when she saw the light was on in the kitchen. She was about to tell Ace to take her home when he put a hand on her leg.
“Nance, it’s fine. It’s just gonna be my mom. It’s not like my dad can hear me get up.”
“But isn’t she gonna be mad?”
He made a face. “Of course not. She loves you.”
Nancy was secretly glad to hear that, because she could really use a mom.
Ace’s mom was sitting at the kitchen table, weary eyed, with a cup of coffee in hand. Her eyebrows knit together when she saw Nancy alongside Ace.
“Nancy, dear, are you alright? It’s late,” Ace’s mom asked.
Nancy nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine. Sorry to drop by unannounced.”
“Oh, honey, it’s fine. You’re always welcome here.” She frowned as Nancy stepped further into the light. “Is that blood?”
Nancy exchanged a look with Ace and his mom made a sympathetic face as she eyed the bandage on her arm and connected the dots. “Oh honey.”
She met Nancy in a hug before Nancy could respond. She shushed her and soothed her in the way only a mom could. “Does your father know?”
Nancy didn’t take her face away from Ace’s mom’s chest, so she looked to Ace.
“No. I, uh, told her we could deal in the morning. Is it okay if she stays over?”
His mom nodded. “Of course she can.” She noticed Ace’s own quickly forming red rimmed eyes and put out an arm for him to join in on the hug.
“Nancy, honey, why don’t you go clean up? There’s cloths and hydrogen peroxide in the bathroom closet upstairs. We’ll find some clean clothes for you to wear. Ok sweetheart?”
She gave Nancy a last squeeze before sending her off upstairs. She then pulled Ace into another hug.
“Are you okay, Acie?”
He sighed. “Not really. I’ve never seen Nancy so upset before.”
“Well you’re a good friend, being there for her. She trusts you.”
Ace sniffed and tried to hide his tears from her, nodding. “Yeah, I’m glad she’s finally let me in a little.”
Ace’s mom found a pair of old drawstring pajama shorts for Nancy and Ace gave her an old t shirt. With a final hug and making them promise to come get her if they needed anything, Ace’s mom finally went back to bed.
Ace waited in the hallway for Nancy to finish changing. She seemed to have calmed down a lot by the time she emerged from the bathroom.
“So, uh, the guest room is down the hall on the right, and mine is across from it, if you don’t wanna be alone tonight,” Ace told her, trying to hide his cracking voice from her.
She nodded. “Definitely don’t wanna be alone.”
He took her hand and led her to his room, and she followed him, in a daze. “Take the bed. I’ll sleep on the floor…”
Nancy’s hand encircled his wrist, and he snapped out of his thoughts to look at her. “It’s plenty big for two people. We’re both adults.”
She didn’t have the guts to say all she wanted was to be held right now.
The two of them got under the covers a little before 3am. Ace sent Nancy’s dad a quick text that she was spending the night before rolling over to check on her.
Nancy was lying on her back, staring up at the ceiling blankly.
“I get nightmares now,” Ace said aloud. “I know you probably do too.”
Nancy nodded.
And wiped away a tear. Oh shit. The last thing he wanted was for her to cry again.
“When I was little and I was too anxious to go to bed, my mom would lie with me until I fell asleep,” Nancy said to the ceiling. “I don’t think I’ve honestly felt safe since the night she died. Carson tries, but...” She trailed off.
Ace didn’t know what he would do if he lost his mom. He had almost lost his dad once before, and had tried to imagine his life if he hadn’t made it through the accident. Even though they didn’t always get along, Ace knew he would be a very different person if his dad had died.
“Well, I can’t be your mom, but I’ve been told I’m a mean snuggler.”
Nancy slid over in the bed and rested her head on his chest. His arms came around her back, encircling her completely. He tucked her head under his chin and squeezed her a little, trying to protect and cover her as much as he could from the mean world she had been forced to endure.
“Thanks Ace,” Nancy said after a few minutes. Ace’s thumb was stroking her back where the shirt had ridden up. “I…” she hesitated. “I wouldn’t have made it through tonight if you hadn’t answered your phone.”
Ace felt a chill go down his spine and tightened his hold around Nancy just a little. “Nancy,” he said sincerely, “a world without you isn’t a world I wanna live in.” Then, “I’d really, really miss you.” He pressed a firm kiss to the top of her head.
She nestled a little closer to him. “I’m sorry, Ace. I just wasn’t thinking tonight.”
“Well,” he said quietly, “things will be better in the morning. Just wait til you try my mom’s pancakes.”
“Promise?”
He thought for a second. Could he really promise that he would always be there to make things better for Nancy?
“Yeah,” he said. “Yeah, I promise.”