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Relishing in the last moments of exhilarating speed, Sirius landed the motorbike in his usual muggle-free spot, so he could wind his way through the empty streets. He technically could still speed in this area, but it wasn’t worth having to deal with the please-men again. Or Lily, for that matter.
He parked the bike by the curb, sauntered up the steps to the house, and let himself in. He was fashionably late, and a good bit of the Order was already present for the meeting, waiting and making small talk in the Potter’s living room. He noticed a whispered conversation pass between Dumbledore and Mad-Eye, both of whom seemed to be watching him.
The kitchen door swung open, and out walked James Potter, followed by his wife. “Oh, good, you’re here,” he said, stepping forward to embrace Sirius. “You were the last we were waiting on.”
Sirius chuckled. “That explains the looks.” The three of them took seats on the couch near Remus and Peter.
“Alright,” began Mad-Eye. “In recent news, the Aurors have apprehended five Death Eaters, who will be sent to Azkaban.”
“Their names?” Benjy asked.
Mad-Eye let out a sigh. For something in his standard line of work, Sirius was surprised he was so anxious to give the news. Something was off. “Walden Macnair, Jacob Nott,” Sirius had been to the Notts parties on occasion. Jacob had been an alright fellow once.
“Samuel Avery,” Sirius looked around the room as Mad-Eye gave the names. There were definitely some signs of recognition, and not just from the purebloods. Some of these names had been their classmates. Perhaps that was why Mad-Eye was being odd about it.
“Nicolai Mulciber,” Sirius noticed Lily and some of the other girls stiffen. He didn't know the details, but he knew they had more of a grudge with Mulciber than with your average Slytherin.
Then Mad-Eye said it: “and Regulus Black.” And it was like a knife to the chest.
Instantly, Sirius felt everything shift. His own head was spinning, and his heart was beating too fast, and something was horribly, horribly wrong with the world…but he could also feel the entirety of the Order of the Phoenix turning their attention to him.
Was he expected to say something? What would he even say?
It was…good that they’d been apprehended, right? It was surely just. He just nodded at Mad-Eye, hoping he’d continue, and took the cold-hearted, uncaring nature of his family off the shelf in his mind.
Sirius kept his face plain as the meeting progressed, only focusing on keeping a neutral face, and listening for a moment to step away.
What had Regulus done? How could he have gotten caught? Regs was smarter than that. Regulus, that is. Not Regs, that was…from a different time.
Was there even a right answer here? How should he be feeling? No, that wasn’t the issue now, that he could sort out later. What he really needed to know was what could he show to the Order? What would they think?
Some of them were already not his biggest fans by virtue of his last name. But he didn’t know if anyone would buy it if he was completely unbothered at his brother’s arrest. Or maybe it would just make him seem like another cold, heartless Black and make everything worse.
The topic of conversation at some point turned to assignments, which led to a great deal more arguing than other subject matters, and Sirius slipped out of the living room. Surely some people had noticed, but he wasn’t particularly concerned about that.
He ducked into the bathroom, shut the door behind him, and sat down on the small rug.
Regulus…had been arrested. He was going to Azkaban…he was only eighteen. Eighteen. And going to Azkaban. His little brother. The boy who came into his room and begged for stories when he had nightmares. His nightmares…Sirius wondered if he’d ever grown out of those. Surely they’d only get worse–or come back, even–with the dementors around all the time.
Regulus couldn’t handle Azkaban. He was too young, too soft.
But you thought the same thing about him joining the Death Eaters…and yet there he was, across the battlefield from you that night.
Sirius would rather see him across the battlefield than…than this.
He’d never see his little brother again. Tears were in the corners of his eyes.
There was a knock on the bathroom door. Darn it.
“Someone’s in here,” Sirius said, his voice tight.
“Sirius? It’s Lily, can I come in?”
Sirius nodded, and then realized that didn’t do anyone any good. “Yeah, fine,” he said.
Lily entered, shutting the door behind her. She took a seat with her back against it, facing Sirius. “I’m sorry,” was all she said.
Sirius didn’t meet her eyes. “Not your fault.” Lily…perhaps he could be honest with Lily. “It’s like…it’s like, so what, you know? Because maybe he deserved it, but then…then he is my brother, and he’s…he’s eighteen, Lily! So,” he felt more tears on his cheeks, but Lily had seen it all before. “So how much could he really have deserved it?”