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"Noelle? It's rare to see you awake this early."
"You weren't in bed, so I knew you must be here."
She smiled, grabbing a pile of paper from the table. I did so as well, continuing the paperwork needed.
"You know, I was thinking that we should expand the base. There are a few more new recruits than expected, and I'm sure Henry is more than capable to handle a few more rooms. Don't you think so?"
Noelle nodded, placing her free hand on the table. I rested mine on top of hers, making a small clinking sound. I shifted my ring finger slightly to see both of our wedding rings together. Which reminds me....
"Do you think Henry will agree if I ask him to make our room slightly bigger? It would be better to have a little more space, for the baby."
Noelle blushed slightly, placing her hand over her stomach. It slightly crimpled the reports she was holding on to, but I do not mind.
"Don't you think the nursery is enough?"
"Well, I still think we should put a crib in our room for the first year with our child."
Noelle smiled, and I did as well.
"Don't you want to sit on my back? Just like old times?"
"Don't be ridiculous, we're too old for it."
"I don't hear a no."
Noelle murmured something, her cheeks slightly pink. Finally, she let out a small sigh before sitting on my back.
"Soon, our kid would do this as well. Do you think they would enjoy it?"
"Hmm, who knows? Only time will tell."
"Hey, I've been thinking."
"Thinking? Is your brain alright?"
"Hey! I'm not that stupid anymore."
I pouted, turning towards Noelle. We were both laying on the floor of the nursery room. It was decorated in pastel colors, a wooden crib already prepared for when the time comes.
"I know, but you're still my Bakasta you hear?"
Asta smiled, grabbing onto Noelle's right hand.
"I know, and I will never be tired of hearing you call me that."
"So, what were you thinking about?"
"What do you think will our child's eye color be like? Will they have hair like yours or mine?"
"Well, what do you think?"
"Anything is fine, I know I will love them no matter what."
Music played in the room as Noelle and I danced around. As expected, I was clumsy on my feet a stark contrast with Noelle's graceful footwork. I did not know what to do with my hands, opting to flail them around aimlessly trying to copy what Noelle was doing with hers.
"What are you doing, Asta?"
Noelle is openly laughing, grabbing hold of my hands.
"You need to go with the music."
"Why don't we just do a slow dance?"
"Change the music then, love. I don't think it's appropriate to slow dance to pop music."
I walked towards the record player, replacing the current disk with something else. It was a piece of classical music, a gift from Nozel at our wedding. Like usual, I let Noelle take the lead, instructing me where to place my hands and dragging me across the room. A benefit of fighting together since our first mission is the fact that I can easily predict what she wants us to do and I can match that. Looking at the fire in Noelle's _________ eyes, I knew that she was challenging my predictive abilities.
The sound of the door opening brought my attention to it. It was Yuno.
"Asta, can we talk?"
"Shhhh, Noelle and I are dancing."
"Asta please, we are all worried about you."
Yuno sounded desperate.
"Yuno not now, Noelle and I -"
"Asta, Noelle is dead!"
The record player let out a screech signifying the end of the disk. And the end of the moment, Noelle's figure disappears into a smokey haze.
"I know. Don't you think I know that? You can't understand how much I miss her, what I would sacrifice to see her once again. To be with her, to hug her, to be a family with her with our unborn child. But there is nothing else I can do that does not destroy the world we live in."
"Asta this isn't healthy. I asked around and you haven't been eating, and when was the last time you actually slept all throughout the night? You have been fulfilling your duties to the kingdom sure, but how about your duties to yourself?"
"Get out."
"Asta -"
"Henry."
The floors shifted as they split apart, forcibly removing Yuno from the room. The door shut close, the wall forming around it to block Yuno completely who tried to forcibly enter once again.
"Keep your eye closed, okay?"
I removed my hands which were covering Noelle's eyes. Noelle kept her eyes closed, a smile present on her face. I immediately fixed the picnic towel, placing rocks along the edges to make sure it won't fold. I asked Charmy to fix up a picnic basket for the two of them. Charmy said nothing as she prepared the food but from her Ki, I knew she was worried.
"Okay, open your eyes!"
And so, Noelle did. It was a simple setup located on top of a hill. It had a good view of the Noble realm and a good shading. The pastry is arranged on top of a plate surrounded by a few pillows and books.
"Ta-da! I tried to replicate our first date. So, what do you think?"
Noelle did not react. It's happening again.
I reached into my pocket, bringing out a syringe. It was called heroin, a brand-new drug roaming around the black market. It was routine at this point, so I did not flinch as soon as I injected it.
"Well, what do you think?"
Noelle did not speak, but she smiled slightly.
I need more, they are losing effect.
"Asta? What are you doing here so early?"
"Nozel, I am so sorry for coming here early in the morning. Do you have a photo of Noelle?"
Nozel looked at me from top to bottom before going back inside the castle, gesturing me to follow him. I tried to look decent before coming here, taking a bath and covering my huge eye bags with some makeup. It probably did not conceal how tired I am, my sunken cheeks ruining the illusion of everything being fine. Noelle's figure can barely take shape now, everything is fuzzy and unclear. I have forgotten how she sounds, and now it seems I am slowly forgetting what she looks like.
"Have you been well, Asta? I know, I haven't been a present brother-in-law, but just know that I am here to listen if you want to talk."
I nodded. I kept my eye on the back of Nozel's shoes, not in the mood to admire the architecture of the Silva castle. I can feel multiple eyes staring at me, probably Nozel and some of the Silva's maids. Nozel led me through a room, clearing his throat to get my attention.
"I tried to reach you many times already, and I think now is the best time for you to meet her."
I looked up at him, now noticing another Ki present in the room. There was a child in Nozel's arms, curious eyes staring back at me.
"My little Acia. Would you like to hold her?"
I shook my head immediately, afraid that I might drop her in my semi-sober state. Nozel just smiled, placing little Acia back in her crib.
"I'll ask the maids to look through the storage rooms, I'll try and look through my office for any. Please stay with little Acia at the meantime."
Before I could reject the idea, Nozel left the room swiftly. Now I'm stuck with a curious infant that keeps at my eyes. I have mixed feelings towards this little child. Acia, it was one of the name choices Noelle and I had. It serves as a homage to Acier Silva, the Steel War Princess. I am happy that Nozel had decided to have a child of his own, but also sad. In another universe, Noelle and I would have had our very own Acia Silva as well.
The child reaches out her hands toward me in a grabbing motion. I couldn't help but get closer, reaching out my hands for her to grab on. Her fingers were wrapped around my ring finger, the difference between her chubby fingers and my calloused hand was too big not to notice. My mind in its semi-sober state started making scenarios in my head wherein everything was perfect.
And I started to cry.
Nozel entered the room, worry written all over his face as soon as he saw my current state. I waved it off, I am not in the right state of mind to talk about it. It's a good thing he did not pry, handing me all the pictures of Noelle he could find. A copy of our wedding photo along with it. My copy is buried along with Noelle and our unborn child.
Little Acia let out a small sound, catching the attention of Nozel and I. She was holding onto one of her stuffed toys towards me.
Nozel smiled, smiling at her daughter.
"She wants you to have her stuffed toy. Please take it, she might throw a temper tantrum."
And so I did.
Nothing's working. Five empty syringes are laid on the floor, which does not fit the look of the nursery. No matter how many times I stare at the photos placed around me, Noelle's figure remained fuzzy.
Just one more shot. Just to see her once more. I-