Chapter Text
Under the moonlight slipping in through the curtains, the shadowed valleys of Miles' face seemed like chasms, uncrossable, hiding depths Alex used to know like the back of his hand. Sometimes he wondered if maybe he was scared he still did.
The sheets were warm by now, smooth and crumpling against his skin as he hooked their ankles together, bones familiar, resting his forehead against Miles' and feeling the warm flutter of air as he exhaled. He crept a hand forward in the scant space between them and touched the dip in Miles' chest, just softly, and Miles' own hand came up from Alex's hip to curl around his.
"It feels like," Miles said quietly, "we're just chasing each other sometimes. Going 'round in circles and doubling back and no one ever wins."
Alex watched the shadows fall darker over their hands as a cloud passed over the moon. He didn't know what to say. He never did.
"You should stay," he whispered, feeling his mouth move with words he'd heard so many times, lifetimes ago, feeling the ghost of Miles at 24, Miles at 30, Miles at 32 and every year in between, in that house neither of them wanted to speak of and still felt the walls of every day.
Miles didn't say a word, but he pressed a kiss to Alex's knuckles, four, one for each tender ridge, like an unspoken promise could finally work the way words had failed them for so long.
I love you, he thought, but he couldn't say it, because he didn't know where those words fit anymore, in this strange new puzzle their bodies made.
Miles pulled him close, their bodies one long line of heat, and pressed a kiss to the top of his head. Alex closed his eyes and counted, starting over every time he lost count, each and every pulse of Miles' heartbeat.