Chapter Text
Hestia slowly opened her eyes, though she did not see anything in that moment. Pitch darkness seeming to be surrounded inside a tight space. Where the hell is she...?
It feels suffocating inside this space, especially when you have some kind of dress on you? She didn't understand, when did she even wore a dress while going to sleep? But the feeling of death was creeping to her senses as with her all might, she pushed the which felt like a wall. Hestia, somehow felt weak in this situation. But in the end, managed to push the wall to open up. And ended up opening her eyes to soil falling on top of her.
This was getting annoying. Closing her eyes into a frown, she got away from the soils. Pushing them to the side. After making sure nothing else was on the way of her, she stood up and opened her eyes. Wait. The air, the place. She knows it. Isn't this Illion? The graveyard of Illion!?
"What in the hell..."
She murmured, her eyes wide while looking around in this quiet place. No no no no. She can't be here. How much time went. Like. A month? At least a month! How is the body of Hestia still in well condition!? It had to be rotten. It should've been rotten! She didn't want to be here.
No, she didn't even read the novel before she slept. Not only that, she couldn't even dare to look at the cover photo of it. Simply taking out everything that reminded her of the novel. Of Helios. Of Diana. Of Kael... Her beloved that didn't got the ending he deserved because of the love of his life. Diana. His beautiful and kind love that turned out to be the one to abandon him. She could never forget her doings. And how much she wanted to get his revenge.
But right now, she was confused. Angry. There has been no reason to come back here. Her coming back will only give more questions to everyone. She didn't want it. She didn't want to go back. This novel. This goddamn novel only brought her beloved the ending he didn't deserve.
"Why... Why am I here? I have no reason to live inside this world! I have been trapped in it for 3 years! Now you want me to. Live once again? Like some greedy person in it. I have used my time for living... No... There should be something wrong... I have to be dreaming..."
Her hands held a few strands of hair. Pulling them, poking herself and some more. No. Nothing felt wrong. She should be dead. She has to! She has to die again. If this world meant that when you die, you just go back to your own world. To Korea once again, then of course. Of course she has to take her life doesn't she? How can she even look at Kael's face after all this...? How can she?
She should've never left that grave and let herself die instead. How can she die again. There has to be some way. Right? Ah yes, the fact that she has a dress on is perfect. Should she be grateful it didn't got too dirty from the soil or not? Well, earrings? She can get a dagger.
That's it. That's it! Get the dagger, go back to the grave once again, at least no one would question that she had came back from the death but instead seem like someone who wanted revenge on her or hated her did it.
Even though she would've liked to make Diana pay even more this time, she couldn't think straight rather than giving herself into the sudden emotions she felt.
There is no time to waste. In this sunny day, one probably that is the happiest of all. She has to die again. Even if it was a month ago, she still hated that feeling. There are other ways for dying but other ones are far more worse than stabbing your neck.
It's the fault of god to put her in this misery once again. Just hear what they'll say, the duchess- no. Hestia, coming back to life after a month of her death. How amusing that is. It's worse than hearing people saying that someone wanted to get revenge on her. Which was just weird of course but made more sense. Wait. Why is she even thinking about this? It's not like this world even is real. How foolish of her. Before anyone comes here and out of nowhere sees that a person came back from death.
How bothersome. It'd be better if she had a dagger at ready.
But really, does the graveyard have to be so far from the shops. The memories of the past coming back to her just bothered her endlessly. If she is quick, it's better. Though the air in this world is much refreshing, the thought about living in a world that will only bring tricks to manipulate you is enough for her to hate it.
Hestia, while walking gently patted her dress. The soil didn't do much to the dress which she can say was a luck. But another luck was that she didn't visit too many shops in her stay. So no one really knows that much about her appearance. So, no one that probably isn't a noble can't recognize her.
She pushed her hair to the front, covering her face and walking fastly. Not showing her noble manners while outside to get attention easily.
After a long time of walking and actually finding a weapon shop, Hestia took her earrings off before entering. It had jewels on it. She felt a bit bad about it though. It felt like giving away something from Kael. But that's exactly what she is doing, she is trying to forget everything about it. Her identity as Hestia. Yes, she greedily used up Hestia's life for her own and eventually lead to her death. It wouldn't be fair once again to use it for her own life last time.
It's a luck that this street isn't much crowded. It would've been a bad if she was buried inside the capital.
Sighing, she opened the door inside; catching the attention of the owner immediately. The man, looking slightly confused spoke.
"Good afternoon, ma'am. We don't usually expect such people here. Or are you here for a small gift?"
A...gift? Ah, of course. A gift for the husband is something that could be done. No one would expect a woman to enter a weapon seller's store to get a sword. Guess she can use that. Without making him wait, Hestia spoke.
"Yes, I'm here for a gift...For my husband..."
She paused.
"But, since I don't have the money on me at the moment. Would you think that these earrings would do?"
Of course they would. At her stay, even if she didn't know much about how money works, she learned the difference between real and fake jewelry. The weapon seller, which seemed to decorate a few sword with shiny jewelry, would easily understand it. A jewelry is far more important than a dagger. It'll be just enough.
She took a step forward to the counter, handing over the earring to the seller. Gently and carefully taking the earring to his hand, the seller noticed the jewelry being real and gave her a nod. Adding a smile to not be seen unpleasant.
Seeing the smile, a little surprised smile cracked from her. The force behind that smile wasn't seen, which was a great sign. The earrings were more than enough for a dagger, but a sword would be too visible. She reached out for a dagger. Which she chose to be a little decorated to be seen as 'a gift'. Turning back to the seller with another smile, she spoke.
"I believe this dagger will be alright. Oh and, please keep the change. I don't want it to be seen as a greedy gift."
Was that the right way to explain it? It's not like Hestia could say 'It will be useless for me after I die anyways'. The seller, with a shocked face looked at her. Price of the earrings were probably too much but he didn't disagree.
"Ah, in that case."
He spoke, reaching towards a shelf and taking out a box. Purple colored like the small jewel on the dagger, which made her a bit startled. He held his hand towards her, expecting her to give the dagger so he could put it in the box. All she could do was put a smile on her face and watch as he carefully closed the box. Handing it back towards her.
She nodded in a way of saying thank you, then took the box into her hands. In this world, where things aren't even real. Hestia was shown to kindness once more, as if the world was her enemy trying to keep her in this false reality. And the feeling was angering.
She left the shop silently. Starting to walk back towards the graveyard, which will probably take her half an hour if she keeps this slow speed.
There is no need for rush in death. She'd also clear her mind while walking too. Even when the streets aren't crowded, it's weird to hear people whisper behind you. Not about you, but rather things that normal friends talk about.
'Have you heard about this?'
'Oh my, what a surprise.'
'It is, isn't it.'
Gossip. Even when you don't know the topic of it. The reactions everytime just reminds her of the times she talked with her friends, with her workmates, with the Countess- what. No. No no no. Even thinking about it pushes her to the limit. Why does everything remind her of these things? Why can't she just focus on other things? Does everything remind her of this world!?
Even the box. The box that seller gave. Why did it have to remind her of Kaelus? All she does is trying to forget about this world, this country, this man.
That white hair. That purple eyes. That cold glare he gave to her when they met. Those cold hands she held before she felt the darkness. Is it possible for any man to be this effective on someone? It just feels like a torture rather than being comforting. And she seems to just not be able to escape from that. Ah, how much she wished that the 'god' who sent her back into this world would just take her memories so she'd have nothing to be guilty about. Maybe it was selfish of her to think like that, does that make things better? Perhaps not.
Even when wanting to end things fast and quick, she still wants it to be not rushed. The air, the feeling, everything here is different. Death waits for the person doesn't it. But right now, she cannot wait for death to come end her fate. Take much time in this world enough to hate it. Then she'd have nothing to be guilty about. See all the bad things, remember all the bad memories this world made you feel.
The very own death of her should be by her own hands. Her very own hands she never owned.