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“I’ve just pretended, can’t trust anything, can’t trust nobody else…”
Ever since he was found by the people in Tatarasuna, the Kabukimono had lived in what he found to be a nice, happy life. One that was filled with days of learning to smith from Niwa, comparing blades with katsuragi and performing a sword dance.
But staring at the box in his hands, within a withered human heart, he could only feel betrayal creeping up his lungs, choking him on regrets and disgust. Just how-how could his dear, big brother Niwa kill someone for him? He could barely hear what Escher was saying, before he turned and fled, the box thrown to the side as he left what he once called home.
I’ve dyed this world gray, that’s the price I pay for what I’ve done to you.”
By the time he came to his senses, he was at the docks of Seirai Island, the one to the South-East of Yashiori Island. People bustled around him, and a cart of fruit nearly crashed into him, but he could only stare at the darkening sky above his head, the colour of an oncoming storm.
Even as lightning flashed above him, and thunder rumbled, he thought of Niwa. Could he have stopped him from killing that subordinate, had he managed to get aid from the Shogun? His sister. For that was who she was in relation to him. Another creation of his mother’s.
The colourless sky weighs down on me. The foggy lights, shadows, are crawling. Left all alone, oh where should I go now? I’m just staring straight at the clouds.”
“Niwa……why? If you’d listened to what I’d said about missing a heart… then why go to such cruel lengths just for me? This is all my fault, isn’t it…”
He lay on the peak of a hill, as rain poured and water dripped down the back of his veil, soaking into his hair. Tears were falling, too.
I plead and cry, call your name like falling thunder. Close my eyes and hear your voice, can’t I just embrace you in my sweet memories?
“NIWA! NIWA HISAHIDE, IF YOU’RE OUT THERE, YOU’VE BETRAYED ME! AND IF- IF I EVER SEE YOU AGAIN, I DON’T KNOW IF I CA-can forgive you…”
Tears are falling again, as he looks to the horizon, back towards Tatarasuna, where even the ships are busy. Perhaps one of them is the boat Niwa had fled on. The one his big brother had left on. His throat feels sore after yelling.
I won’t say “Forgive me”, words can’t describe my heart. I’m wishing upon a star. Take me far away, to where he’s waiting for me.
He could only hope that wherever Niwa was, he wouldn’t forget him. Even if he himself was angry at Niwa for betraying him, Niwa wouldn’t feel the same, and he guessed that Niwa would continue to love him like a little brother.
“Hi, Mister! Are you lost?” The child was so small, and so fragile. A little human to be taken care of. So he would.
So I pretended, before I broke, before I hurt myself…
The boy had no name, for his father had died before giving him one.
That was fine. He would take care of the boy. They had promised to be family.
I fought the fearful days, even though I was so scared and trembling.
“Brother? Why are you looking out at the thunder?” The boy’s question was punctured by a violent cough, and the puppet hurriedly caught him and laid him on the straws in the middle of the house.
“It’s nothing, little brother. Does anywhere else hurt?”
Numberless cries weigh down on me. The foggy lights, shadows are fading. Even our memories were fantasy. The moon has disappeared once again.
The child was cold.
In his hand was clutched the doll of himself they had made together, as though it were a substitute, one for the puppet who should have guided him to the afterlife.
But if it were up to him, this boy wouldn’t even be dead.
I sing alone, call your name like wailing thunder. Close my eyes and hear your voice, when you feel all alone, are there places to go?
How could he- his family - betray him like this too? First was his mother, then Niwa- how many times would he be left behind, abandoned, and have his promises broken?
He remembered their discussions about a heart. The tin soldier who had melted in those flames and become a heart…..nothing could compare to the pain he felt in that empty space in his chest. Where a heart should be. Where the Gnosis was meant to be. Flames could burn his puppet body alive for all he cared, but the agony in his chest felt like he was being crushed and struck with lightning, before being thrown into the sea.
I won’t say “Stay with me”, words can’t describe my heart, I’ll just dream of being with you. Take me to the place where my wishes will come true.
The house was burning. Ashes filled the air, embers scattered onto the small garden they had grown together, and inside, though he could not see it, the cold, death-still body of the small child was enveloped in warm flames, as though the ghosts of his parents were warmly welcoming him to the afterlife.
The puppet clutched the doll of the boy he had made in his hand, before throwing it into the fire.
The Fatui was…..interesting, to say the least. Kunikuzushi had been tortured, sent to the abyss, and had multiple parts of his puppet body modified by The Doctor. But he had his sights on the Gnosis. He wished to feel whole- to have a heart. And it would be with any sacrifice- even to attain godhood.
Can you hear my voice call your name like falling thunder? Now I wipe away my tears, tomorrow, I wonder how further I can go.
Anything…..anything but the Gnosis…. The dream sequence that Buer had put him and the Traveler in, coupled with the actual fight, flashed through his mind, memories disjointed and fragmented, but all he could focus on was the Gnosis, glowing with Electro and burning as it left his chest, floating towards Buer’s palm. With hatred and despair in his chest, he toppled out of the Shouki no Kami.
Standing before Irminsul, he called upon the last fragments of power he had left, reaching out towards the World Tree. He went back, back, back, further than he had ever gone before. This time, he was sure he could save Niwa.
I still regret that I couldn’t say ‘Goodbye’ with a warm embrace, but I’ll wish upon a star! And I’ll call your name, till I can see you again.
He was a fool. He was a fool for thinking that erasing himself would fix anything. All he had succeeded in was making the few people who had been precious to him forget him, to the point Katsuragi had forgotten their sword dance, Niwa had forgotten he had taught him to smelt, and Nagamasa had forgotten the way he used to ruffle his hair.
What then, should he do from now on? The Wanderer accepted Buer’s offer. To stay in Sumeru- where no one remembered him- and find a new life in the Nation of Wisdom. A life to live after centuries of surviving, and a world where hope had been returned to his existence.