Chapter Text
Alicent watched as the birds soared among the clouds, high up in the sky. She'd liked to be a bird. To escape the confides of her chambers, the confides of her life. You desire not to be free, but to make a window in the wall of your prison.
A light mirthless laugh escapes Alicent as she remembers Rhaenys' words. Had she been a prisoner before? She had power, influence, more than most women in the realm. Alicent had been a victim of the whims of men. But not as she is now, Alicent truly was a prisoner with no means of an escape.
But there is a window.
Alicent could climb through, and let go. Alicent could land on the spikes like her daughter and granddaughter. It'd be a nice tale for the Kingdoms to remember, she could almost hear the songs.
She could fly like the birds in the sky, but no, that was not right either. Her children were not birds, so Alicent wouldn't be one either. She'd jump, and fly like a dragon with big wings that darken the sky, with golden scales that glisten in the sun.
Would she become a dragon if she jumped? Would she see the dragons again?
Alicent hoped she would because if there were dragons then her children would be there. Mayhaps this time she will let them take her for a flight. She thinks she'd like to see the world from so high up.
Mayhaps she should jump. Alicent rises from her chair, and takes the steps to the window. The birds were singing their song, and Alicent hums along stepping up onto the ledge. It'd be so easy, just a little step and the spikes below would end her. So easy, just like her beautiful Helaena and lovely Jaehaera had done. What was left for her here?
Everyone was dead, everyone Alicent loves is dead.
She inched closer to the edge, closing her eyes and remembering her brothers smiles, her children's curious little eyes, and her faithful knight.
Seven have mercy on me, she prayed, forgive me, and grant me the chance to hold those I love once more.
She inches closer, her one foot dangling in the air. All Alicent had to do was let go. If she let go there would be peace.
A hand closes around her arm, and yanks her off the ledge. Alicent cries out, and reaches for the ledge, trying to pull herself back to the window. Her nails digging into the stone, and she shouts to be let go, to let it all be over. Another set of arms circle around her waist, and pull her back with more force.
"My girl is waiting for me," Alicent sobs, clawing at the arms encircling around her, making sure it is deep enough to draw blood. "My sweet boys want to take me flying, let me go! I want to fly! Let me go, let me go, let me go!"
They are shouting at her to stop this, but Alicent doesn't want to listen to what they have to say. She sees Vhagar, and Dreamfyre circling in the sky as Sunfyre dives after Tessarion, Alicent can hear her boys jests, and her sweet girl's laughter, just as it should have always been. "They are there! Let me go to them! Please! They need me!"
"Alicent!"
Someone comes in front of her, blocking the view of her children. Silver curls, and lavender eyes, but they were all wrong. They don't belong to Aegon, or Helaena, or Aemond and Daeron. They are not the eyes she had memorized, or the hair she had brushed. And it makes Alicent scream. She doesn't want her near her, she wants her gone.
There is a slap to her face that ceases her screaming. Alicent straightens, and she can taste the blood on her lip. Baela stands before her, composed with her hands clasped in front of her. "My son should have killed you when he had the chance. He should have fed you to Sunfyre! Just as he did Rhaenyra!" Alicent hisses at her, but Baela does not recoil, she has long grown used to Alicent's threats.
Rhaena removes her arms from Alicent's waist, and places a gentle hand on Alicent's shoulder. "Come, and rest."
The girl's arms are bleeding from where Alicent had clawed at her. She takes ahold of Rhaena's arm, and inspects it. "I apologize," Alicent says, lowering her eyes. She did not deserve Alicent's anger. "I did not mean to do that."
"It is alright," Rhaena says gently, guiding her towards the bed. Alicent follows her, sending a glare at Baela as she goes. "Just take a rest," Rhaena whispers, setting Alicent onto the bed. "You'll feel better after you sleep."
"Oh, sweet girl," Alicent sighs, "the only way I shall feel better is if when I close my eyes I never open them again."
Rhaena sighs, and tucks a pair of Alicent's hair behind her ear. "All will be better soon."
There is a glisten to her eyes, that Alicent knows is sadness. She wonders what could upset her so. Rhaena should be happy, she is married, and with child, her sister is by her side. The young girl swallows, and gives Alicent one last sad look. She turns to Baela, her sister grabs her hand and they speak for a moment in High Valyrian. Rhaena nods, and leaves Alicent's prison without looking back.
When the door is firmly shut again, Baela turns to her, and Alicent glares. "The Lady's of court have always preferred Rhaena to me, she is much gentler."
"She is my family now," Alicent spits at her. "For that she has earned my kindness."
Baela rolls her eyes. "She is a Targaryen."
"She is a Hightower," Alicent hisses, leaning forward so Baela is sure to see the hatred within her. "I wish your father could see that his daughter has married into the family he so hated. That his girl is now Lady Hightower and with child. What was it he called my children? Half-breeds?"
And Baela just like every Targaryen has a fire in her, she stomps forward and Alicent can see all the grief and pain and venom buried within her. "Do not talk about my father."
"Your father is rotting in one of the Seven Hells."
Baela takes a deep breath, and composes herself. Her hands loosen at her side, and her face becomes a careful mask again. Alicent marvels a bit at how much she has grown, no longer the girl that attacked her son in the dark of Driftmark, or the girl that rode in on her dragon thinking she could defeat Aegon. "We had come to let you know that the King is coming to visit you tonight."
A shudder runs through Alicent. "You should have let me jump."
"We thought this," she says, taking a small vial out of her bosom. "Might be a kinder way to go."
Alicent snatches it from her hands, terrified that it might be a trick. Alicent is so tired of tricks. All of her life is one trick or game after the other. But Baela does not try to pull it away, she let's Alicent take it. And Alicents sends a prayer to the Seven and thanks them for such a mercy. For the first time since the Lady Laena's funeral, Alicent smiles at the girl. "For this," Alicent whispers, taking her hand. "For this, I forgive you for all the crimes you committed against my children. For this, I ask forgiveness for the crimes my family has committed against you."
Baela sighs, a soft and pitiful thing. But Alicent does not care for her pity, she is finally going to be free. "Be at peace Alicent, go fly with your children."
Alicent cradles the vial to her chest. Peace, peace, peace. It is everything she has wanted since she lost Aegon, and little Jaehaera.
Oh, to see them all again, to hold her boy to her and run her fingers through his silver locks. She wonders if he has grown them long again, he had the most beautiful hair. He had her hair. Aegon had everything of her besides her coloring. Criston had told her that, hadn't he?
Would she see him again? Would he be there looking over her children as he has always done?
Would Rhaenyra would be there with Daemon? Alicent hopes they would not be, she does not like to think of what she would do if they were there.
But the vial is calling to her, there is no point on dwelling on the past when it is done. If they are there Alicent will have her vengeance, and all will be well. She will sing to Aemond and Daeron. She will chase her brothers through the gardens. Alicent uncorks the top, she presses her lips to it and swallows.
Alicent lays back onto her pillows, she closes her eyes. There are dragon's roaring and her children are smiling just before her.
"I want to see my sons again, and Helaena, my sweet girl," she whispers, squeezing Baela's hand. "Oh...and King Jaehaerys. I will read to him, as I did when I was little. He used to say I had a lovely voice."
Alicent wakes screaming.