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"We.....won....?" You mumble weakly, feeling faint.
All your friends are cheering.
[Why aren't you rejoicing with them ? Come on! Smile!]
But you can't. For you don't feel happy, really.
No. Instead, it's the pure relief that makes your head spin. This, and suddenly, the exhaustion of the last.... thousand....? Loops? Crashing on your shoulder like a tidal wave, dragging you under with such force that you have no hope of resisting. A tsunami, destroying every barrier and mask in your mind.
[Don’t you fucking dare make them worry.]
You feel the work reel around you, your eyelids start to close.
[RESIST DAMN YOU]
But you can’t. You feel your knees give out, as you’re dragged away from consciousness by a force stronger than you.
The last thing you see before blacking out is the panicked face of Isabeau.
The last thing you’re able to think is “ Please, please, don’t let this be a dream. Let it be over. “
[You pray for rest.]
Mirabelle cried out as Siffrin suddenly pitched forward, only to be caught by the quick reflexes of Isabeau, their hat rolling away.
“Siffrin? SIFFRIN ???” his cries fell on deaf ears as his friend’s head lolled backward, unconscious.
“Quick! Lay him on the floor!” instructed Odile in a clipped voice, but her wide eyes betrayed her fear.
The fighter did as instructed, Bonnie and Mirabelle standing worriedly behind. Bonnie’s hands were clutching Mirabelle’s dress, desperate to ground themselves.
“Is…Is Frin okay..?” they asked, hating how their voices sounded like a scared kid.
They were strong now! They aren't weak anymore
And yet, seeing the pale face of Siffrin, seeing his eye roll back as he fainted and now was laying, unmoving and unresponsive, on the floor, they felt scared. They wanted a hug, and reassurance. They had defeated the king! This was supposed to be a happy ending !!
So why…why !! Tears welled up in their eyes. They didn’t want to lose another sibling..parent…another family member. What they saw Siffrin as was still unclear in their heart, but they were family, that was for sure.
Isabeau was shaking. What was happening ? This wasn’t how it went in bard songs or stories. The heroes were to go home, and have their happily ever after.
Siffrin had looked bewildered after their victory. Like they weren’t expecting it. What had that been about ? Isa shook his head. He could wonder that later. Now, all that mattered was for
Sif
to wake up.
Isa wanted to confess. Properly.
So Siffrin needed to wake up. They had to. Isa would refuse any other solution.
Mirabelle, with a hand resting on Bonnie’s shoulder, was trying her best not to panic. She hovered behind Odile as the older woman checked her friend, ready to cast a healing spell if needed. She hated this, not knowing what to do. Not knowing if her magic was going to be useful. Usually, it was the rogue that helped her out of those spirals, with a funny joke or by helping her say her thoughts out loud. But now, they were on the floor, unconscious. And she hadn’t seen it coming. Dammit ! Siffrin always noticed when she wasn’t feeling well. Why hadn’t she been able to return the favor?
For now, she had to stay positive. Siffrin would be fine. She could worry on being a better friend after. Just…Stay positive.
Odile, with shaking hands, checked the unconscious rogue. Gems alive, why hadn’t she noticed ?? He was bleeding from multiple wounds! The blood quickly soaking the heavy coat they always wore and pooling on the floor. Thankfully, none of the injuries seemed life-threatening, but it was still concerning. She was going to ask Mirabelle to heal that.
However, now, up close, she could notice more things. Like the bags under their eyes. Siffrin was ghostly pale, dark shadows under his eye. He was also worrily thin, like he hadn’t had a proper meal in a while. He looked, more than all…utterly exhausted. She froze for a second as she noticed a single tear make its way along their cheek.
Gently, carefully, she brushed it off. Siffrin may have been annoying
sometimes
, they were a good friend and leader, always putting others before themselves.
Thinking about it, Odile recalled how brutal Siffrin had been with the last enemies, attacking first with ruthless attacks she hadn’t seen before.
S
ilent.
D
eadly.
A
shadow knife. He had attracted the enemy's attention, protecting herself and Mirabelle by getting all the fire on themselves and Isabeau.
She frowned. Why was she only noticing those things now ? Sure, before she was focused on the quest, but that was no excuse. She had failed her friend badly. And she was going to make up for it, as soon as they woke up.
“Mirabelle. Healing spell. Now.” She said in a clipped voice.
“Uh? Ah! Y-Yes!” stammered Mirabelle, taken aback for a second before obeying. Odile watched with a critical eye as the wounds resorbed, washed away by the magic of the Change God.
And still, Siffrin remained unconscious. At least, the pained frown had disappeared. Now they just looked asleep.
Exhaustion wasn’t something that could be healed magically, sadly. Odile assumed SIffrin just needed rest. Lots of it. At least, that’s what she hoped.
“They’re exhausted. We need to get them a bed. Hopefully, rest will fix…whatever is happening.”
She glanced at the rest of the party, sighing internally when she realized she was going to have to take charge. Isabeau was staring at Siffrin like they would die if he turned his gaze away for a second. Meanwhile, Mirabelle and Bonnie looked about ready to cry.
Alright. Time to pull everyone back together until they reached a bed. Somewhere.
Hopefully at an inn, since the curse was gone. No. An inn would be too far. The castle would have to do.
Distantly, she could hear voices. Life was moving again.
She should be happy. She couldn’t. Not yet.
She gathered her thoughts.
“Isabeau! Pick them up, we need to get somewhere safe. NOW. We don’t know if all the enemies are gone. Mirabelle, you're the one that knows the castle layout best after Siffrin. You’re in front. Bonnie, you close the march ok ? Make sure we don’t lose something on the way, who knows what they kept in their pocket. Let’s go.”
The others moved on autopilot.
Odile stayed close to Isabeau and Siffrin, monitoring the latter’s condition.
She saw people rush toward them, huge smiles on their faces, only for this expression to change to one of abject horror at the unmoving body in Isa’s arms. With the blood still coating their coat, and how pale they were, Siffrin looked like a corpse.
They quickly made their way to Mirabelle’s room, laying their friend on the bed. Mirabelle left, mumbling something about needing to talk to their roommate. She didn’t want to leave at first, but Odile pointedly explained that in this state, Siffrin wasn’t going anywhere.
Bonnie had climbed onto the bed next to Siffrin, curling up into a small ball. Odile felt a pinch at her heart, that kid was so brave. It was easy to forget how young they truly were.
Isabeau had collapsed on a chair next to the bed,
hesitating before
taking Siffrin’s hand in his own. All was quiet as Odile sat next to the desk, picking up their notebook and writing the events in it, trying to plan for tomorrow.
She frowned after a bit. She hadn’t realized how much…presence, Siffrin’s had. Even when they stayed quiet during discussions, they were still there, a silent but comforting listener. Now that they weren’t, the absence was staring at them like a black hole, devouring everything in its path. She pushed her glasses back up on her nose and looked at the trio near the bed. One unconscious, one fast asleep curled up next to Siffrin, and the third dozing off, still holding Sif’s hand.
Siffrin really needed to wake up…
After a while, Mirabelle returned, red-rimmed eye. She looked at Odile, who just shook her head negatively. Unrolling one of their sleeping bags at the foot of the bed, Mirabelle prepared herself for what was going to be a long night.
…….
[The endless infinity of space surrounds you]
You are floating.
Weightless.
[Who are you again?]
You can’t remember. Was it important ? You’re so tired.
[Your tired eye looks at the inky expanse of the abyss. It stares back at you]
[Why are you here ?]
You want to sleep again.
[You’re so cold.]
☄️You are very lost, little star.☄️
A voice speaks, but you don’t understand where it’s coming from. It resonates in the space around you, seemingly coming from everywhere and nowhere. Deep and comforting. You don't know the voice. But your soul knows it can trust it.
[Feels like a warm blanket over your mind]
Not that you can move anyway. Your body so heavy, any movement feels like you're walking through molasses. You can’t force yourself to move. You don’t really want to, anyway.
[You're exhausted]
You try to speak, but no words come out. Your throat is dry like sandpaper, and even just breathing too strongly makes you taste copper in your mouth. You stop trying to talk.
The infinity of stars surrounding you almost look like they're blinking, like a thousand eyes. Like you're in the hand of something much much bigger than you.
[The cold recedes, just a little.]
Are you dead? You wonder.
[You always loved the stars, the sky, the sun. You had missed them, during that infernal loop in the castle, with only concrete above your head.]
…
…
[You're sinking deeper.]
✨Careful starlight. ~ ✨
Another voice chimed in. Playful and yet sounding…almost concerned. You know this voice. You can attach it to a star you used to wish upon. Even though you can’t recall their name.
✨If you go too deep, you won't be able to go back ~✨
Go back ? Back where?
[You can't remember if you have something to go back to.]
[You just know you're tired.]
✨Oh…. Hum. Alright. Just this once Starlight. I'll help you a little.✨
A mirror appears on your right, floating with you.
In this mirror you see…. yourself?
You're laying on a bed.
There are people with you. Three are asleep. One on the bed curled up. One on a chair near you, holding your hand. One sitting on the floor in a sleeping bag, upper body on the bed. The fourth one is awake, reading an enormous tome near a desk.
Some of them have tears tracks on their cheeks. They look sad.
[You know them … don't you?]
[Why can't you remember their name?]
[WHY CAN'T YOU REMEMBER THEIR NAMES?]
Your heart tugs uncomfortably at the sight of these people being sad. You don't want them to be sad.
Your head starts hurting. A lot.
You know them. You do.
You know themYou know themYou know themYou know themYou know themYou know them
…. don't you?
[ You are tired. You want to rest. But you can't stop looking. Something in you forces you, it feels. You can’t look away.]
The only one awake.
The researcher. Supplies your mind when it cannot put a name on the familiar face.
She starts to talk.
….you cannot move.
[Listen to the researcher?]
No
> Yes
"Siffrin, I don't know if you can hear me. But some research suggests that people in near comatose state can still be aware of their surroundings sometimes. "
She looks conflicted.
You want to crack a joke, to make her feel better.
[You can't think of anything]
[Siffrin….that must be you. The one on the bed. You now have a name.]
"The others are beside themselves…so am I. You haven't been alright for a while I believe. But you hid it well and we were all too happy to turn a blind eye, as long as we could continue the quest.
For that, I am sorry Siffrin. And I do apologize. "
[You feel you shouldn't listen. Your heart hurts.]
Keep listening?
>Yes
No
"I'll apologize again, when you'll be awake to hear me say it." She sits down on the bed near The Kid, careful not to step on The Maiden.
[Titles are not names, but they're better than nothing.] You think to yourself.
"You're important to us. A dear friend, family even." She says as she brushes the hair on The Kid's forehead. "Even more, to some." She said, glancing at the one you recognize as The Fighter.
She sighs, sounding older suddenly.
"You have to wake up, Siffrin." She murmurs, brushing your hair as well.
The joke "team mom" flashes in your mind before disappearing just as fast, swallowed by the darkness around. The void sings in the back of your head, beckoning you to just surrender yourself and to keep sinking.
[You can't remember what you were thinking about.]
"We need you here, with us. My old woman's bones can't move as fast as you do, you know?" You hear her voice crack, and it pulls at your heartstrings.
She sighs. "I should get some rest too….sleep well Siffrin. And come back to us alright?"
She unfolds a sleeping bag and goes to lay down near The Maiden.
The mirror doesn't fade, it just goes to black, reflecting the stars and galaxies around you. You stare at it confused.
✨Give it some time starlight.
You'll see soon enough.✨
You close your eyes. Might as well sleep too. You're so, so tired. But you don't want to go further down in the infinite abyss of stars. You're curious about the mirror.
You're…going to stay here a while.
Just because you're curious.
[Ignore the call of the Void?]
>Yes
No
….
[You stopped sinking.] [The cold stopped growing]
You're pulled out of your slumber by a voice. You want to be mad.
[You're so tired, why can't they let you rest?!]
But your anger is extinguished as fast as it came when you register that the voice is crying.
Slowly, you open your eye. It's heavy, and you almost want to close it again and just go back to sleep. But something in your mind stops you from doing that.
You have to comfort The Weeper. Or at least listen to them.
[You owe them that at least.]
[You're the one that cheers the others up, aren't you?]
You look at the mirror. The Kid is awake, and silently crying in your coat, curled up at your side.
"Why aren't you waking up, that's the moment you make a joke, and I stop crying! " They hiccup, seeminly trying to keep quiet. "Wake up ‘Frin it's not funny anymore…."
They wipe their face with their hands.
"You're supposed to be the stupid older brother that keeps making bad jokes. You're fast, you're not supposed to be hurt. First you- you lost your eye. And that was bad ! There was a lot of blood and you tried to pretend you were fine but you weren't. And I didn't see it. Just like now. I was thinking so much about my sister I didn't see you were not ok…why didn't I notice ?"
The Maiden stirred. The kid quickly clamped a hand on their mouth, keeping quiet.
The Maiden didn't wake up.
The kid lowered their hand slowly, before bringing their knees on their chest, curling up even tighter.
[You want to lift an arm to console them but you can't move. It feels like there's an immense pressure on you.]
[You can’t move.]
"You would have woken up with this noise. You always did when I would wake up missing my sister. You would tell me that we were going to succeed, not to worry. You'd distract me. And then I could sleep again. Who's gonna hug me now that you're not here uh? You gave the best hugs. Don't - don't tell Isa I said that."
The Kid sniffed, trembling slightly.
[You wonder if that's what people call a sibling instinct?]
The Kid clings to your coat as they lay back down. "You gotta wake up' you dumdum. I have snacks for you…"
You can see their eyes slip shut. In a matter of seconds, they're asleep again.
You're about to do the same when the Maiden wakes up.
[You wonder why you care so much.]
[After all, you don't even remember their names.]
You wonder how you all met.
You wonder how you were like.
Stars, what *are* you like ? As a person?
[You don't remember. Your head hurts. You're still exhausted…]
Stay awake and listen to The Maiden?
>Yes
No
"Siffrin…" she brushes the hair over your eyepatch.
"This is the second time you seriously got hurt protecting us. You really care about us, don't you." She murmured.
You wonder what her hands feel like.
"When you wake up, I'll make you a promise. Next time, we'll be the one doing the protecting alright? You don't have to bear everything by yourself. Not anymore."
Her voice cracks, but she seems to steel herself. The takes a deep breath and continues.
"We care Sif'. A lot. But I fear we haven't told you that enough. So, you better so we can make it up to you."
With that, she settles back at the foot of the bed, back against the frame, and goes back to sleep with a yawn.
[You don't want to make her sad. But you're still tired….]
You're not that important. A wanderer of many. She'll forget soon right?
Right ?
[How many lies do you intend on telling yourself?]
You feel lost. You want everything to stop. You want to let yourself sink.
Forget it all.
Forget the Maiden, the Kid and the Researcher.
But … there's still the Fighter. The mirror is back to just reflecting the stars around you, but somehow, you know it’ll light up again for the Fighter.
Some part of you is yelling at you to wait for him. Please wait for him.
The majority is exhausted and wants everything to go back to black. You want to sink in the abyss, giving up once and for all. Sleep, forever.
…
[You decide to stay…. It shouldn't be that much longer anyways.]
[Then you'll be able to rest]
[Finally. At. Peace]
…
You feel like crying.
A tear escapes your eye, and you watch it float upward, in this space with no gravity.
More quickly follows. They glisten in the dark space, reflecting all the lights that surround you.
Stars and galaxies float around you, you feel like you're being held by something. The tears crystallize, little stars floating around.
… [the cold recedes a little bit more.] [The call of the void is less strong now.]
[It feels like coming home.]
You feel a hand in your hair. You can't see them. But the soul never forgets.
[Mother?]
🪐 Don't cry love…this is almost the end. You are almost done, my little nova. 🪐
☄️ Star child…we know you are tired. Just a little longer. Watch the fourth one, the choice will be yours afterwards. ☄️
You trust these voices. You don't know why.
[A part of you knows. During these lonely nights on the road. You would look up and pray. Pray for companionship. Pray for a family that cares.]
[One day, during a meteor shower, you screamed at the sky until your voice broke, until your throat bled, to please, please grant your wish, that you were tired of being lonely.] Some meteors seemed to burn brighter that day.]
[But you forgot that didn't you? It looks like they didn't.]
You sleep.
After what feels like an eternity, the mirror lights up again. The others are asleep, The Fighter is the only one awake, your hand still in his.
He seems lost in thoughts.
"Hey Sif'. Odile said that apparently you can hear us ? I uh...I don't know about that. I mean I can't hear anything when I'm asleep so why would you? But apparently your sleep is a special kind of sleep? I don't really understands exactly what that means, but….um...."
He stays quiet for a second. Your heart lurches.
"I…. I don't know a lot of things. But I, ah… I know this. For sure. A life without you in it…? " His voice breaks, and you wonder if you can hear your heart doing the same "I ...don't think a life
without you is a life I want to live Sif'."
He sniffles.
"I can't tell jokes anymore. You're not here to laugh at them. And the others don't like them as much as you do."
Another moment of silence.
"You looked very tired during the fight. You've been looking tired for a while actually. I'm sorry I didn't see. But-!" He catches his breath.
You're pretty sure you've stopped breathing on your end.
"I wanna be selfish Sif. We won and saved Veaugarde, but it doesn't feel like a victory without you in it…....if, if I promise to let you take as many naps as you want, will you wake up? Please?"
He extended a hand, as if about to brush your hair, before stopping himself, curling up in the chair.
His shoulders are shaking.
With a shock, you realize he's crying.
"Please wake up…."
The mirror fades back to black.
☄️The four pillars. The young clover, the chosen diamond, the fighter's heart and the strategic spade. All waiting for their joker to return.☄️
You wonder what will happen if you decide to stay. To just sink deeper in the Void and answer the call of oblivion.
If you choose to forget it all.
[Taking the coward way out, are you?]
✨ … you'll be gone forever then Starlight. No going back this time.✨
☄️We will all welcome you. You will drift until your soul is absorbed into the stars. Your mortal body will remain where it is.☄️
🪐…you'll be dead, my little nova. For good . We won't blame you if that's the choice you make. You've suffered a lot.🪐
You feel like you experienced death a thousand time. You want to rest.
But at the same time….
[Something deep within you stirred awake, slowly, as all your friends poured their hearts to you. A little light you were sure had been extinguished.]
[Seems like you were wrong. A spark is growing, not becoming a raging fire yet, but a brave candle standing in the middle of the storm, refusing to bow to the freezing coldness of space.]
….you want to eat samoussas again. Real ones, without potatoes.
You want to hug Bonnie. You want to dance with Isabeau. You want to high-five Mirabelle. You want to help Odile with the book. You want to pet a cat. You want to see the stars again. You want to make jokes that make the others cringe.You want to drag the others to your favourite theater. You want to perform again. You want to drink sugarcane juice on a hot day. You want to carve little toys for Bonnie at the light of a campfire, while the others tell scary stories. You want to pummel Isabeau with snowballs in winter. You want to make snow angels with Mirabelle.
… .you * want.*
The candle grows into a fireplace. The storm is still raging on the outside of your mind, the Void screeches. It lost you, it knows that. The cold is creeping at the edges of your vision. But you focus yourself on that fire. It warms you.
[It would be so much easier to let yourself go, to make yourself at home in the numbness.]
Not yet. Not yet. You repeat these two words to yourself.
[You didn’t survive this nightmare to give up now did you? Thought so.]
…
You stand up, and look up. Though you cannot see their faces, you know the entities are smiling.
✨ Let's go starlight ! I knew I liked you for a reason ~ ✨
☄️You did good little star. We are proud. Your light now shines brighter.☄️
🪐Now go. Return to them. We are not going anywhere. We will be watching.🪐
[You face the mirror.]
You brace yourself.
[Siffrin unleashed a scissors attack at -The Gate- ]
[A tear through space appears.]
Everything
Goes
White
You open your eyes. There’s still exhaustion weighing you down, but the pressure isn’t all-encompassing and overpowering you anymore. You can fight back.
Slowly, you test your senses and your body before slowly, carefully sitting up. Your limbs are stiff and you feel lethargic.
[You power through.]
[You feel like you had a weird dream. But most of it is already fading, like stray pieces of stitching unraveling.]
The room is empty. You don’t have time to feel sad, because the door burst open, Bonnie running in.
“
I SAID I DON’T WANT CRAB SOUP -” they cut themselves off, seeing you. Their eyes open comically wide.
Before you can say anything, you have an armful of a crying child, as they launch themselves toward you.
“SIFFRIN !! YOU’RE AWAKE!!!”
You blink, and suddenly they are all there. Your friends. Your family.
You are the center of a group hug. Usually, that much contact would spook you.
Today, you soak the closeness like a sponge. They’re all talking at the same time, you don’t listen, content with just letting the sound of their voices wash over you as you lean into the hug. They seem to notice, and hold you a little tighter.
[You feel warm.]
The cold creeps up in the corner of your mind.
[You ignore it, focusing on the now, on the friends you made. You came back for them after all.]
Out of the corner of your eye, you spot three bright shooting stars from the window, cleaving the sky in half.
You smile. A real smile, the first one in a long time.
The first one of many to come.
You are awake.
[You won.]