Chapter Text
It was a normal day mostly when it started. Cove was at work, continuing his work with ORCA with pride. He and I have been married for about half a year now and it was still amazing to think about. I spent most of my time working at home on my books, working as an editor and illustrator currently trying to get my own comics published. Though now I had pulled out another sketchbook that I kept a secret to myself, not that Cove ever looked in my sketchbooks without my permission. This one was my 'shame' sketchbook. I blushed as I finished the last few lines and sighed softly.
This wasn't the first time I drew a much fatter Cove Holden and it certainly wouldn't be the last. I've been drawing images like this of him and other actually fictional characters since I was a young teenager and I first realized my love of larger men. I had shredded the first drawing I did shortly after I did it, a shaky drawing of Cove with a much bigger belly that made the teenage me feel like my cheeks were going to burn off. Cove and I had admitted our crushes on each other and started dating in secret about a month later that summer. I never told him. And I know I never can. I sigh softly, looking at the drawing I just finished. My husband, his long pretty hair loose and his face flushed. And about 300 pounds heavier than he actually is. I trace gently around the soft curves I've drawn, my mind wandering to picturing it in reality and how soft and warm he'd feel. I loved Cove don't get me wrong, I've loved him since we were little children and had told Ma I wanted to marry him right after I met him but I couldn't help my thoughts. I knew my stupid fantasies will only ever be that. Fantasies. Taking my pencil again I start writing quietly around the drawing.
I wish I could tell him but I know how he's always taken care of his figure.
I know this is something he'd never agree on. It's too much
I can't help my thoughts. He'd be so pretty... but I can't do this to him.
I feel like I'd hurt him. People would think I'm hurting him.
I love him to much even if all I want to do is take care of him and spoil him and have it show... let people know
But I can't... I just can't
With another sigh I stare at my drawing of the soft, large Cove before snapping the sketchbook closed and tossing it onto the coffee table and placing my normal sketchbook on top of it. I plop back on the couch and stare at the ceiling before dozing off; letting myself just think about my fantasies while I wait for Cove to get home from work.
When I come back to consciousness I can feel familiar large hands carding though my hair, my head resting on someones lap. Slowly I blink awake and smile softly. “Welcome back... I didn't mean to sleep too long.” Cove Holden. My dear husband. He sits in his usual button up shirt, his hair still in that little man bun he keeps his hair in but I notice a strange look in his big blue eyes. He seems like he's thinking, eyes searching mine for a moment from behind his glasses. I've known Cove long enough to tell when he's up in his head about something so I raise an eyebrow at him. Slowly he looks away before looking back at me with a smile, “Have a good sleep, hon?” I know he's deflecting. But I don't press. I know something is wrong but its clearly fresh on his mind. I'll give him some time to process it, I know he'll tell me when he's ready. So I just smile and sit up and we continue on with our usual evening routines.
That was two weeks ago and its starting to bother me. Cove has been... dodgy lately. Last time it happened was when he wanted to try out calling me 'Mommy' one time in the bedroom. He was always shy when it comes to new sexual stuff, was just the way he was but there was something that bothered me greatly about this one. Cove seemed to watch be quietly whenever I was cooking or we were eating but the moment I looked up at him he'd look away quickly. Finally, while we were sitting on the couch I got up the nerve to ask him, “Okay. Cove what has been bugging you, baby. You are doing that thing again. Please.” I turn and look at him, seeing his eyes widening. “Use your words, Cove. If I did something...”
“NO!”
I jump at his outburst, his hands coming to my shoulders and holding me. I can feel him shaking. “No... no you've done nothing wrong... I... I just... I'm the one who did.” Cove's hands slowly slide off my shoulders and he turns away from me, hands going to his lap and wringing them together. “I... I saw the drawings. It was an accident.” I feel my face both pale and flush somehow at the same time, my head suddenly dizzy with shame. He saw them.
“I... I was just putting them away but I dropped them and the one opened up when it hit the ground and... I saw your drawing of me. And-”
I couldn't help it, I started to cry. I hide my face in my hands, unable to face him. He saw. That's why he's been like this. I've ruined everything... fifteen years of us being around each other and half a year of marriage and I just ruined it all cause of my stupid horny thoughts. “H-Hey... hey... it's okay... sweetie... look at me... please? Don't cry...” Cove gently pries my hands away from my face and cup my cheeks to make me look up at him; his own eyes wet with tears. 'My sweet crybaby.' I can't help but think. I love him so much. Cove's cheeks are flushed as well, and I can feel his hands shaking slightly. “I... I'm not mad or anything I promise. But why... why did you never tell me?”
I take in a shuttering breath, slowly pulling away from him. “You... did you read what I wrote around it?” He shakes his head and I slowly stand up. He grabs my wrist but I gently pull myself free, pausing to squeeze his hand carefully as I wander to my office and grab the accursed sketchbook. I slowly sit back next to him, opening it to that same sketch before handing it to Cove. I stare straight ahead, feeling tears welling up again as he is silent next to me for what feels like an eternity. I then hear the sound of a pencil writing and the sketchbook is back in my lap with something new written under my own.
I know you'd never hurt me. I know you care so much about me and my feelings.
I'm interested in trying this.
I've been doing research. I-
I think I like this idea
I stare at his words, reading and rereading them several times; shaking. It takes me a moment but I finally move my eyes back up to Cove; he smiling wobbly at me, his cheeks deep red but his eyes bright. I swallow and look back down at my drawing of a fat Cove and back to the real Cove. It takes me a moment but I finally manage to croak out, “Y-you... you mean that?” Cove makes a soft squeaking noise and nods, rubbing the back of his neck. “Y-yeah... I started looking stuff up and well... I found it... really... hot to think about.” He bites his lip, looking down at my drawing of fat him and his cheeks seem to get even redder. He reaches over and holds my hand, squeezing. “I've... haven't stopped thinking about this since I saw it and I've... played around with some things. Like... um...” He seems to get even most flustered as he leans over to hide his face in my shoulder. “Like... shoving pillows in my clothes type thing... and... it turned me on. I had no idea this could be a thing until now but it explains so much.” Cove shyly peeks up at me, his eyes glossy. “You know I've always liked eating but... this has made me realize something about myself... why I was always so excited when you wanted to share your food with me.” He shyly nuzzles his face into my neck again, I can feel the heat of his flushed skin, as be mumbles, “I want this too... I've... I've always loved your curves so...” He peeks up again with that adorable expression he gets when he wants my attention. “I feel like I should match... you clearly think so.” He reaches over to touch the sketchbook, his finger lingering on the large belly of the drawing and I can tell both of our hearts are pounding at the thought.
We stare at the drawing together silently before looking at each other, both of us red in the face. Cove then leaves over and kisses me, squeezing my hand tightly. When he pulls back he smiles gently, “I'd... I really like to try this with you... mommy.” I flush deeper, knowing Cove only pulls out that name when he really, really wants something like this. It's clear he is actually super interested.
“Okay... Let's do this...”