Chapter Text
September, 1919
My eyes were still adjusting to the bright lights that had brought us here. From what I could see while standing in the golden ball we'd arrived in, this place floated in the sky like a cloud. All of the different areas were connected by bridges of stone or rainbows as most of the land seemed to be covered by water. It almost didn't seem possible for such a place to exist. I had been found and brought to this sparkling gem of a floating city by a living angel with golden hair; she had been impossibly kind to me thus far and despite my better judgment I had begun to trust her. Though the impossibly tall man clad all in gold who had greeted us upon arrival, I was still unsure of given his very large sword. The lovely blonde woman took my hand once more as the impossibly tall man waved goodbye, referring to me, it seemed, as 'little lady'.
I hesitated to follow as she stepped upon the rainbow just outside, afraid I would fall through it unlike her. When I found that it held my weight, I allowed myself a childish moment; reaching down to touch the bright colors glimmering beneath my dirty, bare feet. It felt solid and warm; there was a strange vibration that crawled up my arm. I stopped as I heard the familiar clip-clop of horses approaching and looked up to see two more men dressed all in gold arriving upon horseback, a third in tow. The lady beckoned me forth and one of the men moved to help me atop his horse when he noticed what both the golden-haired lady and the giant we'd met in the ball behind us had ignored.
"My lady?"
"She will be no trouble, nor cause you any harm. She has traveled with me for three days time without incident. Pick her up, or I shall become cross." There was a severity, a strength that shimmered behind her kind features as the man nodded, scooping me up as if I was a sack of potatoes and nothing more.
I rode in front of this guardsman as he brought up the rear. The ride looked as though it would take hours, if not half a day, yet it could not have been more than a half hour when we arrived at the gates, the lady easily dismounting from the grey dapple horse she sat atop. She held her arms out for me as the man assisted me in sliding down the length of his Friesian. Her smile was infectious, even if I could still only manage a weak one at that point. How I had allowed her to talk me into leaving with her, I still did not know.
"Come, we will introduce you to Odin and your new brothers." Her voice had a soothing quality, and her confidence was encouraging as I glanced around, noticing as those nearby stared or pointed. Brothers sounded nice, yet I could not help but wonder if they too would stare and point at me.
To say I was not used to such things would have been a lie. My own father had seen the mark of evil upon me since my birth almost one hundred and fifty years ago. I hadn't the heart to tell this kind woman who I had heard many refer to as the Goddess Frigga, that I was not the child she seemed to pity me as; that I had merely been reborn as this, this evil. While I did not feel evil compared to those who would cage me, beat me, and so much more, there was no hiding what many deemed the mark of the dark fae. My ears twitched in the cold breeze as my feet slapped against the stone floors of the halls, no doubt leaving dirty footprints behind that one of the people whispering in the shadows would have to wash up. If this was how it was to be, perhaps Frigga should have left me behind, alone in that cage upon the farmer's field where she had found me. If only I'd known what more was to come as I entered the main throne room.
Odin, as Frigga greeted him, was an elderly man with a golden eye patch who sat upon the throne flanked by two boys who looked to be of similar age to me. They were polar opposites; the blonde one toying with a spear, his jovial face brightening as he called out to his mother and waved wildly whilst the other stood, almost hiding behind his father, in silence with only his slicked back black hair to be seen. He peered out every now and again, offering his mother a quick, soft smile before his green eyes fell on me and he once again ducked behind his father.
I was told to wait at the bottom of the stairs as she glided up them to embrace her husband and children. She introduced them to me as my brothers, Thor and Loki, and requested they embrace me only to be halted by Odin's thunderous voice. "My sons, you may take your leave for the evening. I have much to discuss with your mother."
The blonde boy continued to simply smile as he left the room, the dark-haired boy though remained behind; studying me for a moment before he glanced up to where his parents were talking in hushed tones and then back to me. "Do your best to drown him out; I do."
We exchanged a look then before he sniffed the air and walked away. Sheepishly, I tucked my head towards my shoulder and sniffed as well. Perhaps I was in greater need of a bath than Frigga had acknowledged when I had told her not to hold me as I had feared I would ruin her dress. She'd scoffed telling me she had far too many anyway. Listening to her fight now with her husband and king once more had me wishing that she had left me behind. No one else needed to be left in such turmoil because of me.
"I cannot allow this."
"And why not? I allowed- no, embraced what you did. I have raised that child as my own, shielded him from the rumors and the abuse- including yours; have taught him not only how to control himself but his natural abilities all under false pretenses, and for what? So you may use him as a political pawn?"
"That is different and you know this. There will be no hiding this child."
"There never should have needed to be a reason to hide the truth from Loki, yet here we are. He should know he is of the Jotunheim, he should know that he is more than just a prince of Asgard."
"His origins matter no longer, he is my son. He will do what is best."
"Why? Because you have shown him such compassion? Had I not stepped in, had I not loved him and kept your vile secrets for the good of the realm, he may not be growing to be the man that truly will bring peace to our nations despite you. I am not asking you to raise her as a daughter of Odin, I am not asking you to give her any chance for a claim to your throne; all I ask is that you embrace her despite yourself and help me gift her the love she too has so long been denied."
"I see this means a great deal to you, Frigga," Odin sighed. He sat forward, calling me to him. I could see my reflection in his golden helmet, the dirt on my face making me look even more ill-fitting of such a place than I already felt. "What is your name?"
"Eibhlin..."
"And where do you come from?"
I looked at Frigga unsure of how to answer. "She was locked in a pen outside of a farmer's cottage in Norðmanna; I have no idea how long she had been there as she claims to hail from the Éire originally."
"She is not even of our ways then. Frigga-"
"Loki is not of our ways either and yet here we are with him widely embraced by all as an Asgardian."
"She will not pass as one, not with those ridiculous things atop her head," he shouted pointing to my pale, white dog-like ears that peered out from the tangle of dark auburn curls and waves.
I wanted to hide, to shrink, to disappear entirely as they began to fight once more. I felt the wave of darkness creeping up, as I covered my ears and tried not to weep; the voice of the dark-haired boy returning then.
"Drown him out. I do." He said in my mind, repeating it over and over like a mantra as I steadied myself; the darkness slowly fading back into my peripherals.
I uncovered my ears to hear Odin reluctantly agree that I could remain, "As your lady in waiting. She will attend to you and you alone. And you must do something about her appearance to hide that mark of darkness; we cannot have her terrifying the good people of Asgard."
"I shall try my best, my king. Come Eibhlin, let us get you cleaned up and settled."
As we walked away, I could hear Odin muttering to himself about the mess he was creating. I knew from his reaction alone that acceptance would be hard won here, yet there was hope. If Frigga was able to look past my appearance, perhaps others could as well... Perhaps this place truly could become a home, a fresh start. Just as I had been given the curse of being reborn as a monster, perhaps this was a second chance at a family. I put the date to memory then, my adoption day; a day I would celebrate for years to come.
91 years later...
May 30th, 2010
"Stop fidgeting or it truly will become a disaster," I urged a fuming Sif, squirming angrily in the chair before me while Fandral mocked from his perch across from her.
"We all warned you, Sif, not to tangle with Loki; his pride and ego may just be greater than yours. I believe your jab earlier may have yielded a much larger wound than even you presumed."
"Oh, drink your wine, Fandral. Of all days for this to happen! When I get my hands on that scrawny neck, no good, greasy-"
"Come now Sif, it's not as if you are to be named Future Queen of Asgard today after all. For that to happen, Thor would have to recognize you as a lady and I really don't see that happening any time soon."
Both Sif and I shot him a warning look, though I imagined Sif's held far more threat. I did my best to blend and braid what I could of Loki's revenge hack job. A large chunk of Sif's hair had been sheared from her temple to just behind her left ear and now I was charged with trying to make it appear as if nothing had occurred with only an hour before Thor's coronation. I still had to change myself and make sure Queen Frigga did not need assistance before I took my place in the crowd.
Ninety-one years had come to pass, ninety-one adoption anniversaries that went uncelebrated as Odin still refused to accept me. The first twenty years of my life on Asgard had gone miserably, always with me upsetting Odin in one way or another. While Frigga and Thor had been quick to accept me with open arms, Loki, Sif, and the Warriors Three had been slower, resulting in the people of Asgard remaining at arm's length. No matter what it was that I did, from assisting in the kitchens to running errands for Frigga, I was shunned; ignored entirely, or referred to as 'little beast' or 'demon' by those who had decided not to accept me without knowing me. Despite Thor's many attempts to stop such remarks from being hurled my way and Frigga admonishing all in her presence who utilized such phrases towards me, Odin ignored it; refusing to take a stance on the subject at all leading to the prolonged abuse. After far too many half-hearted apologies quickly followed by attempts to justify themselves in their hatred once Thor or Frigga had left the room, I decided to embrace the titles. If they all wished to fear me, then I would live up to their fears.
For a while, it worked. Yet the forced solitude I was placing myself within it did not. So, I learned to drown the voices out, even when one of the voices was the one who had given me the original advice. It was odd to think about how I was currently fixing the hair of one of my tormentors, yet it seemed this was always the way with Sif and the Warriors Three. When their jeers and insults failed to work, they became bolder, pulling off my head scarves or unpinning my hair. This Odin involved himself with, stating that unless magic was to be used to hide my darkness, that it was folly to make such ill-conceived attempts. While Frigga tried to teach me how to use magic to hide my ears, I took this as an opportunity to simply exist as I was.
And my confidence seemed to be exactly what was necessary to begin making friends, or at least not be treated so poorly. Though hearing Loki refer to me as 'little dove' had thrown me for a far greater loop than it had meant to, particularly since he had used it while he and Sif had still been entangled.
"Are you done yet, Little Dove," Sif mocked, making a disgusted face; "Honestly, what a nauseating name. It's suiting of you though, Little Beast; much better than pet, at least."
"Would you like to know something interesting, my dear Sif," Fandral asked as he poured himself more wine while watching me weave and smooth down what I couldn't fully braid into the rest of Sif's hair to give it an intentional half-up, half-down look; "the little beast has more chance of being named the future queen than you."
"Bite your tongue. Odin would never allow such a creature to sit upon the throne."
It never failed to amuse me how they could talk about me as if I was not in the room. "Lady Sif, if I may; this never would have come to pass if you had not attempted to shame Prince Loki in the manner you did."
"You may not. Besides, he had it coming and the other ladies should know that the rumors are simply not true, at least of one brother."
Fandral rolled his eyes, flopping back down on the chair across from her. "You've never had the pleasure; no one will take your word for it."
"They won't exactly take yours either now, would they Fandral the Dashing?" Sif batted her lashes at him as he made a rude gesture and drank more wine.
"I am finished Lady Sif, please let me know if you would like anything changed."
Sif practically ripped the mirror from my hand, rising to get a better look at her hair from all angles in the wall mirror as well. She twisted her face this way and that, turned and twirled, ultimately giving a half-impressed nod. "It'll do, Little Beast."
"Be a lady now Sif and thank the odd, half-mutt."
"All is well, I am glad you approve. I must go and finish preparing; enjoy the coronation." I bowed respectfully before I hurried from the room backward, bumping into someone as I did. "I am so sorry, I should have looked where I was- Prince Loki. Don't you look... Handsome."
His chin-length hair had been slicked back, he wore his full ceremonial armor complete with his horned helmet; the green and gold made his pale green eyes shimmer more as he smirked, one hand wrapping around my waist, his hand flat against my belly as he held me against him.
"Perhaps it was luck that I was here at such a moment or you may have tumbled down the stairs."
I blushed softly, pulling gently from his touch, keeping my eyes firmly at my feet. "Yes. Thank you. Are you on your way to the Coronation already?"
"Unfortunately. Not that I'm not excited for my brother, after all, I knew well that this day would come; firstborn and all. Still, it does seem a bit frivolous. Not like we don't know who's to be king. What of you? What were you doing in the seating room at such a time? Are you helping with the kitchens again, Little Dove?"
I spared him a glance then, noticing the softness in his eyes as he looked down at me. I had noticed over the past few months that the way he said that phrase, that silly nickname for me, had gone from being a sharp barb to a gentler acknowledgment. I was unsure why this was and feared being pulled into something that was little more than a scheme meant for my humiliation. Still, there was something about the way he said it, so soft and breathy, that made my skin tingle.
"No, Your Highness, not today. I was asked to drop something off on my way to my room to change, nothing more."
He smirked, leaning closer to the closed door where Sif and Fandral were shouting once more at one another as he'd apparently spilled wine on another pair of his dress pants. "You were helping Sif with her hair."
"No..."
"Come now, Little Dove, you've never been a good liar. Were you able to undo my handiwork or should I prepare myself to remain unbothered by her wild hair?"
"I managed to hide it well, though you were exceptionally cruel in your choices of where and how to cut," I chastised. He chuckled softly, far too pleased with himself.
I shook my head, excusing myself to go and get dressed when he stopped me; his hand coming up at the elbow, two fingers resting against my shoulder as I froze. "You should come and stand beside Mother and me. I know it would mean the world to her."
"Thank you, Your Highness, yet I fear Odin would frown upon such. I shall watch from the main audience, as always."
"And if I invite you to stand beside me as my guest?" I hesitated, unsure of how to respond. "The choice is yours. Either way, enjoy the festivities; they're sure to be rather... different than what we are used to."
I shut the door to my room and immediately went to my closet to find the dress Frigga had gifted me a month prior for just this occasion. She had apologized that the coronation fell so close to my birthday, or my original birthday; I still did not have the heart to tell her that I also had a death day and a rebirth day, neither of which I wished to remember, yet they were forever seared into my mind. As such, I allowed everyone to celebrate the day that Eibhlin the mortal was born, it was easier that way. I quickly braided my hair in three tight braids along the right side of my scalp going from my temple to the base of my ear and pulling it back into a simple leather band. I brushed my waist-length auburn waves letting them fall as they may, wishing I had time to wash more than my face.
The emerald dress was intricately beaded and had been a gown Frigga had worn for one of Loki's birthday celebrations. The neckline was high, barely allowing my collar bones to show, yet thin as it was made entirely of the beadwork that laced around my neck to hold the sheer cape with its golden sparkles in place before it went down and out, framing my ample cleavage with its armor like curls before ending at my natural waist like a belt. There were matching bracelets of the same beadwork and the skirt was both clingy yet flowed well with my shape.
I had begun growing into my woman's shape over the last year, going from awkwardly shaped to almost appealing. I had noticed more men giving me suspicious looks, as had Thor and Frigga, resulting in both working with me to learn ways to best defend myself. I had not felt a woman yet until I looked at myself in the gown. The beadwork made my waist seem smaller than it was, my hips wider. I felt both underdressed and far overdressed. I was afraid to leave my room, yet the knock on my door said I had little choice. I took a deep breath and turned, opening the door to find my favorite giant looking down at me, pride in his golden eyes.
"Heimdall, I did not know you would be allowed to attend."
"I saw your fears and thought you might need a familiar face should you decide to decline Prince Loki's invitation to stand beside him and Queen Frigga."
I returned his soft smile with one of my own, thanking him when he added that I looked lovely before admitting my discomfort in such a dress. Heimdall gently wiped a stray curl away from my face as he reminded me that all must begin as such, overcoming discomfort and fear. "I doubt you have ever been afraid."
"On the contrary, though downing this armor was never a cause of discomfort, the trust put into me to not mess up, to always be just- that, that was ground shaking. Yet like you, I refused to let my knees buckle beneath me. I have stood at the edge of our world since the first oceans formed, I have watched civilizations rise and fall in the blink of an eye, yet we remain."
"I'm not sure I understand..."
He chuckled, his deep voice like boulders rolling down a hillside. "Perhaps that is because I have a poor habit of speaking in riddles. All I mean is that we do not always have the opportunity to rebuild, to attempt a different path before fate sees fit to take us. You have such an opportunity before you now, though you may not see it as such; I suggest you heavily weigh your decision wisely. There may not be another." I frowned softly, looking down until he lifted my face by my chin, his hand wrapping completely around my jawline as he did. "There is still time, just allow yourself to weigh the possibilities as we depart."
I nodded and smiled halfheartedly at him. He dropped my face, offering me his arm instead which I took as we left my chambers, closing the door behind us as we headed down the hallway towards the grand hall where the ceremonial throne and all of the royal regalia had been set up days before. The dull roar of the crowd already gathering within from the garden doors grew to an almost overwhelming cacophony the closer we got and I had to focus more than usual to drown out the unnecessary so I did not ignore those speaking to me.
"Eibhlin, you look lovely; I knew that dress would suit you. And Heimdall, I was not expecting you; does Odin know you are here?"
"No, your majesty, yet I will not linger long. I merely came to offer the Little Lady a comforting face as she took her place within the crowd before I returned to my post," Heimdall stated with a deep bow to Frigga. She wore a golden dress with a sheer beaded neckline that went up to her jaw, the cape-like portion of it was lined with a paler gold and rested across her shoulders leaving them bare besides the sheer fabric that came down beneath it to her waist, hanging there lazily. She had crystal earrings that dangled down to her shoulders by thin gold chains; her hair was a beautifully woven nest of curls.
"You look lovely, your majesty."
"Eibhlin, how many times must I beg of you to refer to me as mother?" She tilted my face up, almost lifting me out of my curtsey as she did.
"Once more; as always."
Her soft, close-lipped laughter was a mix between sand through an hourglass and windchimes. Soothing, yet whimsical. She shook her head, asking what she was to do with me before Sif and Fandral passed by us, meeting Volstagg and Hogun just outside the staging area where I imagined Thor and Loki already waited. Sif glared coldly at me as Fandral waved drunkenly at Frigga and Heimdall, who sighed heavily once they were passed.
"Could he not, just once, manage to attend a function without needing to drink an entire cask of wine by himself?" Frigga groaned.
"He has anxiety your-Mother," I corrected despite the word still feeling a bit odd. She gave me a soft look, patting my cheek sweetly.
"I know dear, I just wish he could find another outlet for such. That aside, are you certain you will not walk with Loki and me, stand with us as your brother is announced future king? It would mean the world to me if you would."
There was that phrase again. A mixture of guilt and desire mixed within me as I thought about it; Heimdall's hand coming to rest on my shoulder as a not-so-subtle reminder of our talk. "Mother, I would love to, you know this. The All-Father, however, would not take so kindly to this gesture of support; no matter how well-intentioned. I cannot be the reason why there is a black mark upon Thor's day. We have all worked so hard to make it what it is for him, for Asgard."
"Let me worry about Odin; if you wish to stand beside us as you always should have, I hope you will. If you still choose to remain in the main audience, I only hope Heimdall can convince those already in the front to allow you a place so Thor can see his sister and know that her heart is with him."
"The choice is yours, Little Lady." But was it?