Chapter Text
June
Life is good. Life is great. Everything is amazing and terrific. Just so fucking wonderful.
And I’m not being sarcastic about that either. I really mean it.
It’s summer break and classes are officially done. Without exams and assignments to constantly stress me out, I’m free to spend most of my days just relaxing and taking it easy. My student loans and honors grants came through early for once so I’m all paid up on everything all the way through the end of the next term.
I somehow managed to pull straight A’s again for the fourth semester in a row and the confirmation of my intellectual ability has me floating on cloud nine. The fact that Naruto took me out to eat to celebrate probably has a lot more to do with my newfound cheer, but I’m still super proud of my accomplishment.
When I showed him my grades his face lit up so brightly you would have thought they were his. It was so strange to have someone be that excited for me but I loved every second of it and I’m already thinking about how else I can put that expression on his gorgeous face.
I’m a sap, I know. But you know what? I don’t care.
Naruto has somehow burrowed himself into me and with all this extra free time on my hands, he’s on my mind constantly. I miss him all the fucking time and whenever I get to be around him I never want to leave.
I’m sure to keep my clingy sentiments to myself so I don’t scare him off though. I think I’m doing an okay job of it.
I allow myself just a few instances per week to call or text him first, and when he reaches out to me I make sure not to answer or reply too quickly. I can’t have him knowing that I spend most of my days just waiting around for his name to flash across my phone screen.
How fucking pathetic would that be, right?
It really doesn’t matter though because for the first time in a long time I’m not in the grey space and I want to keep it that way.
The grey space is what I usually call it when everything around me gets slow and dull. Colors seem less vivid, food tastes bland, and nothing can hold my attention so all I want to do is sleep. I’ve been told that the clinical term for it is depression but I really don’t like how that sounds.
I don’t have depression … I’m just grey sometimes.
When it comes on I get this really bad heaviness in my stomach that feels like I swallowed a big rock. The feeling stays with me for weeks and just makes everything in my life seem that much worse. There’s this persistent sense of sadness all around me but I can never exactly pinpoint where it comes from. Sometimes, when it’s particularly bad, I feel like something terrible is going to happen and I’m constantly on edge just waiting for some kind of jump scare to happen.
It never comes.
The grey space has been coming and going since I was a kid so I’m pretty used to it now. I know how to pass as “normal” when I need to, even when I feel like I’m dying inside. Attentive nods and blinks to whoever’s talking to me, and a polite smile here and there usually does the trick.
They leave me alone none the wiser and I’m left to wallow in my silent misery in peace.
I had a literature teacher in high school pull me aside once and try to talk to me about a creative writing assignment I handed in once. I let the veil slip too far on that one and she started asking too many questions.
In the end I was able to convince her I was fine and learned to become more mindful of others. Her heart was in the right place I’m sure, but I couldn’t stand the look of pity on her face when she asked if I’d wanted to talk about anything. I said no and she gave me the whole, ‘I’m here if you ever change your mind’ speech.
I could’ve died right then and there. I never want someone to look at me like that again. There’s nothing anyone can do for me about the grey and I’ve just learned to live with it.
It just is what it is.
But things are a little bit different now. Things haven’t been fully grey since Naruto and I’m loving every second of it.
He makes me feel so good. Everything is bright and shiny when I’m with him and he makes me want to be better than I am.
As good as it is though, I still get these wisps of grey that creep into the corners of my mind every now and again.
When I’m alone, I think about Naruto suddenly deciding he’s had enough of me and telling me we’re through. I can feel myself starting to panic at even just the thought and the grey starts to sweep in again.
I hear myself in my head, scathing tone and sharp tongue:
You were never good enough for him.
Did you really think this could last?
He just felt sorry for you and wanted a good fuck.
No one loves you and no one ever will.
I always manage to snap myself back to reality by rereading some of Naruto’s old texts. The ‘good morning gorgeous’ and ‘see you soon’ messages calm my racing heart, and as the memories of our time together replay in my head, I’m finally able to relax.
I don’t try to argue with the me in my head. I just ignore him and he eventually goes away.
I turn over on my bed and think about tomorrow when I’ll be able to see Naruto again. He and his roommates are throwing a barbecue at their house on Friday and since the blonde is off work on Saturday and Sunday, I get to stay over with him for the whole weekend until Monday.
I finally understand how kids in movies feel on Christmas eve.
I glance towards the door at the duffle bag that I’d packed a few days ago when Naruto told me what was up. Excitement flares subtly in my belly for a few moments and the hints of grey recede that much further from my consciousness.
Without thinking, I pull up the keyboard on my phone and shoot a message to Naruto.
Sasuke: Let me know what you need me to bring for the bbq tomorrow.
Not even a minute later and my phone is buzzing with a message back from the blonde.
Naruto: Hey! We’re heading back from the store now so I think we got everything covered
Sasuke: I’m not about to show up at your party empty-handed.
Naruto: Lol we’re good, I promise!
Naruto: Just bring your gorgeous self ;)
Ugh. He’s such a corny loser sometimes. I can’t help the cheesy smile spreading across my face.
Sasuke: A case of beer it is.
Naruto: Lol that works too
Naruto: Guess I’ll see you tomorrow then
Sasuke: Yeah okay. See you.
Naruto: Don’t forget your overnight bag!
Sasuke: I got it.
Naruto: Good. Cuz even if you did you still wouldn’t be leaving until Monday morning.
The fluttering in my chest kicks into overdrive.
Sasuke: Kidnapping? How romantic.
Naruto: What can I say. I know what you like ;)
God I miss him.
Naruto: Okay, gotta unpack all the stuff. See you tomorrow babe
Sasuke: See you then.
My heart is full and my mind is clear of anything that isn’t Naruto. Rolling off of my bed, I move over to my tiny closet to try to decide what to dazzle my blonde with at his party.
Decisions, decisions.
____________________________________
I decide on a pair of tight black jeans and loose-fitted, black t-shirt. It doesn’t sound like much, but there’s a subtle, stripe pattern going down the left side of the shirt with metallic, silvery threading. It glows really nicely under low light and whenever I wear it I usually get a curious double-take from passersby.
I complete the look with a little black liner and mascara, and a quick spritz of my herbal skin mist. I fluff out my hair and pull it up into a messy bun, making sure to pull out some loose tendrils for that effortlessly dreamy look.
With my face dewy and plump and my eyes set to ‘come hither’, I grab my tiny duffle and the two six packs of beer before I’m out the door.
By the time my ride share pulls up in front of the house, the party already seems to be in full swing. I’d thought I might be too early since it was just about to be 8:00, but when I step out of the car I hear music blaring and see people scattered all about on the lawn in the dimming, evening light.
I swing my duffle across my chest and carry a six pack in each hand as I walk up to the open door.
Just before I get to the steps, I notice two girls hurriedly primping in their reflections of the porch window.
“Do you think this is too much? I feel like there’s too much highlight. What if he thinks I look like a disco ball?” I hear the shorter one say. She’s dressed in a tiny miniskirt and her bone-straight, black hair cascades down her back, past her waist.
“Oh stop, you look fine. Your skirt is short enough he won’t be looking at your face for too long anyway,” the other one laughs. Her hair is short and pink and she’s dressed in a bright red minidress.
I’ve never seen her before in my life but I find her to be annoying for some odd reason.
“Yeah, you’re right. I look great,” the dark-haired one agrees. “I’m gonna win him back for sure tonight.”
The two continue to chat and fluff their hair in the window as if no one else exists and I just walk right on by them and into the house.
As loud as the music was from outside, things seem pretty tame inside. It’s not as loud but people are talking and drinking and generally enjoying themselves. It seems like most of the people are concentrated in the backyard as I can hear more voices echoing from the back of the house.
I’m glancing around the living room hoping to spot a certain blonde head when I hear a familiar voice call out to me from near the stairs.
“Sasuke! You made it!”
I turn and grin at Naruto’s roommate Kiba as he hurries toward me.
“Hey,” I tell him. “How’s it going.”
“Oh you know. Same old same old. Can’t complain.”
“Mm,” I hum, hoping to avoid the awkward small talk. I hold up the beers and push them out towards him. “Here. I brought these for you guys.”
“Oh wow, thanks!” he smiles as he takes them from me and leans in. “You know you’re the only one who brought something barbecue appropriate? Most of these idiots just brought drugs and hotdog buns. We seriously have like twenty packs in the kitchen. Like hello! What are we gonna drink with all this food?”
I huff a laugh as Kiba turns to head to the kitchen. Before he disappears he calls back to me.
“Lover boy’s in the back manning the grill but I’ll be back soon with shots so prepare yourself! They’re not optional!”
I chuckle softly at the lively brunette as he leaves. I found him to be a bit much when I first met him but over the last few weeks I’ve learned that he’s genuinely nice and always eager to have a good time. He comes off as really goofy and playful but he’s a lot like Naruto when he’s being serious.
In short, I like him.
I move through the living room and out to the backyard where most of the guests seem to be concentrated. I look out in the direction of the smoke and I finally catch a glimpse of my beau.
He’s still dressed in his work clothes and his hair is sticking up charmingly in every direction. He’s moving a batch of cooked burger patties and chicken pieces into a separate pan as he squints over the smoke wafting off the grill. There’s sweat beading at his brow and his face is scrunched in concentration as he grips the tongs in his firm hand, careful not to burn himself.
I’m not sure how Naruto manages to make such a menial task look so damn alluring.
Slipping my hands into my front pockets, I quietly saunter through the line of people jumbled up at the food table, and make my way over to him.
“Hey you,” I say, moving into his line of sight.
He looks up at me, with an annoyed expression at first, but when he realizes it’s me his face quickly splits into a wide smile.
“Sasuke! You’re here!”
I can’t help but smile at his enthusiasm.
He quickly shuffles the new pan of cooked meat to the food table and rushes back over to me to grab me up into a huge bear hug. I can feel a couple people looking at us but I can’t find it in me to really care about the attention at that moment.
“Mmm. I missed you,” he says, pulling back from me.
My face starts to burn, “You just saw me a few days ago.”
“I know.”
Rolling my eyes, I change the subject because I’m about to go to pieces for him and I can’t have that in front of all these people.
“They actually let you work the grill? Mighty brave of them.”
“What? I’ll have you know I’m an excellent cook.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah,” he laughs. “I mean I know my way around a grill at least. It’s not that hard.”
“I’ll be the judge of that.”
“Be my guest.”
Naruto reaches over and tears off a piece of barbecued chicken that he must have been using as a taster. He moves the meat towards my face and without thinking I lean forward to accept the offered bite.
I think he was expecting me to take it from him with my hand because his eyes immediately grow dark as he stares at my mouth.
Naruto’s thumb still has a trace of sauce on it so without breaking eye contact, I lean forward again and clean it off with my tongue. A lustful expression takes over his face and my stomach immediately flashes with excitement.
Everyone around is busy getting food so no one is really paying attention to us. I dial up the sex appeal as much as I can and look up at him through my long, dark lashes.
“Mmm… You were right. It is good.”
Naruto’s eyes narrow and his lips curve into a sly smile. He looks like he wants to eat me and I can’t say I would mind at all if he did.
“Don’t do that,” he murmurs, eyes glinting with the filth that must be filtering through his mind.
I just smile coyly.
He opens his mouth to speak again but he’s cut off by the sound of someone calling his name. We both look up and see his other roommate coming toward us carrying a pan of fresh hotdogs to be grilled.
Lee, I believe it is.
“Naruto, I grabbed those hotdogs you wanted!”
“Oh, nice. Thanks Rock,” Naruto says, taking the pan from him.
Yes, Rock Lee. That’s his name. He’s another one that I thought was too much at first. He’s awkward and a little dorky but he’s genuinely nice and is comfortable doing his own thing.
I like him too.
“Hi Sasuke! So great you could join us! Please let me know if you need anything.”
I smile at his formal manner of speaking.
“Yeah of course. Thanks for having me,” I reply.
We make some more small talk as Naruto puts the new hotdogs on the grill. He bullies himself to the front of the food line, (his right as the chef he explains to several grumbling guests), and comes back with two large plates of food for me and Rock.
We get comfortable near the grill in two foldable chairs and Naruto lets me know he’ll be right back after he showers and changes his clothes. Rock dutifully agrees to watch the hotdogs and keep me company until he gets back.
As I’m stuffing my face, (the food is actually really good), Naruto leans over me and murmurs into my ear.
“Don’t think I forgot about that little finger stunt you pulled with the sauce just now. I hope it was worth it because I’ll be making you pay for it later.”
His voice is raspy and low and my heart leaps in my chest at the promise of later.
Before I can respond, he presses a kiss to the side of my head and goes into the house, carrying my duffle bag with him. I watch him until he disappears and turn back to Rock and pretend to listen to whatever he’s talking about.
It’s a really good day.
As I eat, I glance around the space and recognize more than a few familiar faces from school. I don’t know any of them personally but most of them nod politely at me as they pass by and greet Rock.
It dawns on me that I would usually feel anxious and out of place in a situation like this, but at the moment I’m perfectly fine. Rock turns some of the dogs on the grill while he tells me about the summer internship he’s excited to start next week. I nod and chime in here and there but he doesn’t seem to need much from me in this conversation.
I glance around and no one is staring at me, wondering why I’m here. I don’t feel like I need to hide from anyone or pretend to be busy with my phone so no one talks to me. Right now I’m just normal. Just another person at a party, having a good time.
It feels fucking amazing.
Right as Rock and I are finishing up our food, Shikamaru, (another one of Naruto’s roommates), makes his way out to the backyard lugging a bag of ice and another cooler of drinks. Rock immediately jumps up to help him with it but as soon as I do, Shikamaru clicks his teeth at me and gestures for me to stay where I am.
“No worries Uchiha, we got it. Naruto will never let me hear the end of it if he hears I had you lifting a finger.”
I roll my eyes and we share a small laugh.
Shikamaru’s probably my favorite of all Naruto’s roommates. He’s super laid back and never really talks that much, but when he does it’s usually something clever or sarcastic. From what Naruto tells me, the man is practically a genius but you’d never know it from his generally uninterested disposition.
“I mean I am a guest. Why should I be helping?”
Shikamaru shakes his head as he and Rock finish packing out the extra drinks and the ice. He pulls a couple beers from the cooler that was already there and tosses one to me.
I catch it easily and impress myself.
“We need two more for a card game. You in?”
I’m a little surprised at the offer but I don’t let it show on my face. Shikamaru has always been pleasant to me when I’m around, but we’ve never really had any extended interaction.
Especially without Naruto around.
But he’s nice and Rock is already heading back in so to avoid sitting outside by myself, I agree.
“Yeah,” I say nonchalantly. “Sure.”
I follow them back into the living room we join and Kiba at the flimsy card table they set up in the middle of the room. I sip my beer as Shikamaru deals our hands but before we start the game, Kiba demands we take a round of shots.
I’m in a good mood so I don’t object. The dark liquor goes down smoothly, and soon the card game is underway.
I’m partnered with Kiba since he’s sitting across from me and though I initially don’t know the game they’re playing, I catch on fairly quickly and it’s not long before we win a few hands. Shikamaru subtly suggests we make it interesting and play for money and I nod along with the group, just happy to be included. I pull twenty dollars from my pocket and toss it onto the table with the other bills.
After thirty minutes and a second beer, I’m pleasantly buzzed and Kiba and I are each up forty bucks. If I wasn’t before, I’m thoroughly enjoying myself now.
The party is in full swing around me and people are laughing and dancing and just making the most of the warm summer night.
That sense of belonging that I had earlier is still there and when I remember that I get to stay over with Naruto tonight, my mood just shoots up that much more.
Speaking of the blonde, it suddenly dawns on me that he hasn’t come back yet. I glance around the room to see if I’d missed him and as soon as the thought is completed in my mind, I spot his golden locks coming down the end of the staircase. He rounds the corner about to make his way into the living room, and I can’t help but smirk at his presentation.
Freshly showered and groomed, Naruto’s wearing a pair of dark, denim jeans and a grey, long-sleeved top. The sleeves are rolled up to expose his solid, veiny forearms and the fabric is so sheer that I can almost see his skin underneath it.
His hair is still damp but it looks soft and shiny and I can almost smell his shampoo from where I am across the room. He looks relaxed and refreshed and just as handsome as ever. Excitement pulls at my stomach again as I wait for him to come over to me.
But someone apparently had other plans.
Naruto doesn’t make it into the living room before a pair of dainty, pale hands suddenly cover his eyes from behind him.
What the fuck?
I hear a record scratch sound go off in my head and the pleasant expression instantly slides from my face.
The shiny nails on the slim fingers start to wiggle against his eyes and I can make out a high-pitched, sing-songy, “Guess whooo”.
Naruto turns to get the hands off and the person removes them and shuffles in front of him. My eyes narrow when I see that it’s the same dark-haired girl I saw primping on the porch with her friend earlier.
The same one who was working on winning someone back tonight.
The two finally face each other and Naruto blinks down at her in surprise as she beams up at him.
I don’t know for sure that Naruto is her target but I somehow just know that Naruto is her target. I can’t hear what they’re saying over the music but she’s flashing him all her teeth as she squeezes her arms in front of her to push up her already ample breasts.
From what I can tell, Naruto is replying to her but I can’t see his expression since his back is turned to me now. I’m staring daggers at him, trying to will their conversation to be over so he can come over to me and stop talking to that ditz, but it doesn’t work.
It seems to have the opposite effect because she starts to laugh at something Naruto must have said, and she touches his arm playfully. Flirtatiously. And Naruto makes no move to push her off.
My heartbeat picks up and a feeling of dread comes over me. Just as I start to spiral, Shikamaru’s voice calls next to me.
“Yo, Uchiha. You in for another hand? All or nothing for the cash.”
I turn back to him and see him shuffling the cards.
“Oh. Aren’t you tired of losing yet?” I say distractedly, trying to casually sneak another glance at the two near the entryway.
“I’m planning on winning everything back, so yes. I am tired of losing.”
“If you want to give me more of your money, that’s totally cool Shika,” Kiba tells him. “Deal me in, but I need another drink first.”
Kiba heads out to the backyard and I see Naruto and the girl go in the opposite direction towards the kitchen.
“Yeah me too,” I say standing up. “I’m in. I’ll be right back though.”
Without another word I’m off.
____________________________________
I duck into the small bathroom near the backdoor and try to get a hold of myself for a second. I’m feeling jittery and nervous all of a sudden and I look in the mirror and adjust my hair and clothes to try to distract myself. I tell myself nothing is wrong and that this girl isn’t a threat to me.
I can’t seem to make myself believe it though. And my imagination just keeps showing me horrible images of the two cuddling and kissing and it’s making me feel nauseous.
I have no idea what to do in this situation. But I know I need to see Naruto.
After leaving the bathroom I make a beeline for the kitchen as casually as I can. When I hit the corner of the corridor, I catch a glimpse of long black hair disappearing into the doorway. My heart is pounding and it’s suddenly too hot in here, but I’m able to hold down most of my quickly-growing anger.
I slow my pace and take a breath before I cross into the kitchen trying to play it cool. My three seconds of mental preparation weren’t enough.
I freeze in the doorway at the horrible sight I’m forced to witness.
Naruto’s huddled against one of the countertops while that fucking bitch is giggling and hanging all over him. Her arms are wrapped around his middle and her cheek is pressed against his back as she fake laughs at whatever bullshit she wants him to think is so fucking funny.
Her ass is about two seconds from hanging out of her mini skirt and her giant, bimbo tits are fully pressed up against his lats. Even though I’m struggling to control the sudden bloodlust that sweeps over me, I’m rooted to the floor just staring.
To the blonde’s credit, he at least looks somewhat uncomfortable. He isn’t actually touching her himself and seems to be trying to lean away from the girl.
She’s relentless though and when he moves to the side to grab another bag of plastic party cups from the overhead cupboard, the harpy’s small, glitter-manicured hands shoot out and immediately latch onto his bicep.
“Oh wow Naruto! I never knew you were so jacked! You’ve really been hitting the gym huh?” she fawns idiotically.
“No, not really,” he says casually. There’s a hint of annoyance in his tone as he diligently moves aside the plastic containers in the cupboard.
“Ohh, hunky and modest,” she sings as she continues to grope my boyfriend. “It’s been too long! I can’t believe how much I missed you, Naruto.”
I suddenly feel a sharp, stabbing pain in the middle of my chest even though Naruto doesn’t seem to reply to her.
He keeps reaching into the cabinet until he clucks his tongue in victory and pulls out a new sleeve of red, plastic cups. He turns around with them and finally looks up to see me standing in the doorway. A gentle smile comes over his face when our eyes met and it’s almost enough for me to forget about the perky little tart still hanging off of him.
The stabbing pain subsides. Just a little.
“Sasuke, hey. I was just about to come find you.”
“Mm,” I hum, sending him a stiff smile. The words are everything I want to hear but I’m still a bit salty he hasn’t pushed her off of him yet.
My eyes flicker to the girl’s hand on his arm and as soon as we lock eyes the air in the room seems to shift. She looks me up and down, still clinging defiantly to Naruto as if daring me to say something about it.
I’m tempted to. I really am. But these types of situations have never worked out for me in the past. The most I can hope for is to save face in front of them.
“Naruto,” she sings again in her overly sweet tone, batting her long lashes towards me. “Who’s your friend? Aren’t you gonna introduce us?”
Her voice is grating to my ears but I don’t say anything as I’m curious to see how the blonde will answer.
“Oh. Yeah sure,” he says, taking another subtle step away from her, trying to shrug her off his arm. “Hinata, this is Sasuke. Sasuke, this is Hinata. We went to high school together but she’s here visiting for a few weeks.”
“Mm. Old friends,” I reply vaguely, trying to maintain my cool façade.
Hinata giggles and moves closer to Naruto again as she squeezes his arm and leans her body into his.
“I guess you could say so! But we’re much closer than that. Aren’t we Naruto?”
Her hand goes up to playfully ruffle his golden locks and she gives me a smug look before she rests her head on his shoulder.
“We were practically married back then! Go on and tell him. Don’t be shy!”
I start to feel the anger coming up again, but before it fully takes hold, something inside me shifts. A sharp pain quickly flashes in my chest and a sudden, unpleasant sense of déjà vu comes over me.
It’s happening again. It’s just like last time.
Naruto will be stolen away from me by some woman who I have no chance of competing with. They make more sense together than he and I ever could. People wouldn’t ask as many questions if he was with her and she probably doesn’t even have the sort of reputation I do.
Things would just be easier for them and as this truth starts to sink in, that old empty feeling that I’d managed to escape recently starts to come out again. I’d gotten too comfortable. I feel pathetic.
I fucking hate it.
Before I’m able to fully dive into the spiral of grey, Naruto quickly shakes his arm out of Hinata’s hold.
“What the hell are you saying? Cut it out. I told you to stop doing that,” he says, annoyance clear in his tone this time as he fixes his hair and steps away from her.
He looks at me with a soft expression, “Don’t worry about her. She’s just playing around.”
“Am I?” Hinata scoffs playfully and combs through her long, dark hair with her fingers.
The blonde ignores her and walks slowly over to me. It takes a second for me to pull my angry stare away from her, but when he’s right in front of me, he gets all my attention.
I’m thinking he’ll whisper something to me about not getting the wrong idea from what I just saw, but Naruto does none of that.
To my great surprise, he simply takes my wrist and proceeds to pull me against him for one of the warmest, coziest, most unambiguously romantic hugs I’ve ever experienced.
I’m talking the full-on, no space in between, face in the neck, arms around the waist with the gentle rock from side to side, kind of hug. The kind from the movies right after the main characters declare their love for each other.
It’s fucking perfect .
And honestly, exactly what I needed. I immediately forget why I was upset as I bring my arms up to squeeze him back. Everything is quiet for a moment and it’s as if it’s only the two of us.
Like it should be.
A quick humming sound gets my attention from behind Naruto and I glance at Hinata over his shoulder. She’s standing there, mouth open, eyes narrowed, staring at us in foggy confusion.
Before I can react, Naruto suddenly lifts me off the ground and gently sets me down on the nearby island countertop. He moves in between my legs and leans his face close to mine. It’s as though he’s completely forgotten someone else is in the room.
“Look,” he beams, teeth white, eyes sparkling. “I’m all cleaned up now.”
Up close, I realize he looks a lot less run down than he did earlier. His skin is plump and moisturized, he smells fresh and clean, and there’s a heady bit of mint coming off of his breath that makes me want to lean in a little more.
“Yeah I see,” I tell him quietly. He continues to smile at me and I feel myself relax even more. “…You look really good.”
His hands smooth up my thighs and he gives me another one of those grins that make me weak. It’s a good thing I’m already sitting.
“Oh! Oh my gosh! Are you two…“
I shoot a quick glance at Hinata, whose face is now the complete picture of shock, as she stares at us wide-eyed and glossed mouth gaping. Her obnoxious, hot pink, glitter nails are pointing in our direction.
Naruto turns to her casually and nods as he softly confirms, “Yeah. We are.”
My heart instantly squeezes in my chest as the shock then transfers to me. The response is so unexpected I almost think I’m hallucinating. I’m totally blindsided by the candid admission but it’s more welcomed than I can ever explain.
I won. In this moment I won. He chose me.
Words can’t even describe what I’m feeling right now. Proud, happy, thankful, validated, horny; all of it. I’m all these things and then some. The strange feeling only intensifies when I look over at Hinata and see her pretty face twisted into a thinly-veiled look of barely-concealed anger and jealousy.
Before it can linger though, she quickly schools her expression and her fake smile is back in place.
“Oh wow! I’m so sorry, I had no idea!” she admits taking a step back. “Naruto, you should have said something sooner! I look like a total bitch now! I guess I should say congratulations.”
Though her words are polite, I can still hear the sharp edge in her tone. I don’t know who she thinks she’s fooling but it isn’t me.
“Thanks,” I reply with a small smile as I move my hands up Naruto’s arms to his shoulders.
The look she gives me might have stopped my heart if that sort of thing was possible. Of course it disappears once Naruto glances over at her again.
“Mm. Right… Well this has been awkward enough so I’m just gonna go and find Sakura. Make sure she isn’t getting into any trouble. I’ll see you two later!”
She quickly hurries out of the kitchen without another word. I turn back to Naruto and fold my wrists behind his neck.
“What was that about…”
The blonde chuckles softly before tugging me forward on the counter by the backs of my knees. He nuzzles his face into my neck again and my eyes flutter closed at the feeling of his lips on my skin.
“I honestly couldn’t tell you,” he smiles. “…Don’t mind her though. She’s no one for you to worry about.”
“Hn,” I hum, letting my head tilt to the side to allow his lips more flesh. “Does she know that?”
“Of course she does. But if she ever forgets again, I’m happy to remind her.”
A smile comes to my lips and the negative feelings that came up before immediately vanish. This isn’t like those other situations.
Naruto really is different.
“Mm. Please do.”
He laughs deep and rich against my skin, “Sure thing.”
His hands slide up my thighs and settle on my ass as he kneads the flesh through my jeans.
“So are you enjoying yourself?”
“Yeah. I’m having fun,” I hum.
Naruto’s fingers are sliding up my lower back beneath my shirt while he starts to nibble that spot right beneath my jaw. The one that makes it almost impossible for me to focus.
“Been taking your friends’ money so they might not be enjoying it as much though.”
“Ohhh,” he chuckles as his hands move around to my bare hips. “They drag you into a card game?”
“Hardly. They invited me. I’m apparently pretty good.”
“Well hurry up and win us some big money. I could use a vacation.”
I laugh softly as Naruto pulls his face up and leans in to kiss me. Before our lips can meet though, someone enters the kitchen and I glance over at the sound of someone’s horrified gasp.
“Ahh come on. In the kitchen guys?! We eat here! Get a room!”
Naruto just chuckles at Kiba as he pulls away from me and helps me down off the counter.
“You’re one to talk,” the blonde replies with a sly smile. “What happened after your chemistry final last semester? I can’t seem to remember.”
Kiba scoffs but can’t hide his proud smirk, “That was different… That wasn’t our kitchen.”
Naruto chuckles and grabs the plastic cups he got from the cupboard. He takes my hand before leading me out of the kitchen and back out to the party.
“Whatever you say.”
The party seems to be in full swing now. Music is blaring, people are dancing, and thanks to the extra cups, drinks are flowing again.
Naruto cracks open a new bottle of whiskey and I take shots with him and his friends around the card table. They get a new game going soon after that and when I try to step to the side to give the blonde room to play, he drags me down onto his lap and tells me to stay.
My face heats up initially but the rest of the guys just laugh and shrug it off as they deal the cards.
I’m really not used to this much public affection but I can’t say that I mind it at all either. It actually feels good that Naruto wants to kiss me and touch me in the presence of others.
It lets me know I’m not a secret. He’s not ashamed of me. I can’t remember ever having that before.
Kiba comes back from the kitchen with a pitcher of some mixed drink and I accept a cup graciously. It’s a little strong but it tastes pretty good so I sip it slowly. The game starts and Naruto nudges me to choose a card from his hand for him to play.
I have no idea which one to pick as I don’t even know what game we’re playing. I hesitantly settle on one of the spades and he gives me a subtle grin. I pluck the card from his hand and toss it onto the table. The collective groans from the other guys lets me know I chose correctly.
Naruto smiles in his victory as his hand scurries under my shirt and his fingers graze my side absently.
I never want this night to be over.
We take another shot on Kiba’s insistence and I can tell by the way the liquor burns the back of my throat that I’m almost at my limit. Things become hazy and I’m almost positive there’s a subtle, dopey grin on my face.
The game goes on and I settle further into Naruto’s lap as he and his friends start trash-talking each other.
I feel a set of eyes on me and I blink up to see Hinata across the room staring back at me. I catch the discreet eye roll she sends me but she looks away immediately nonetheless.
She’s laughing and dancing with her pink-haired friend, arms raised to expose her petite midriff and hips swaying in her teeny tiny skirt which is again only a few flutters away from accidentally showing some cheek.
She leans in close to her friend and says something near her ear. I can’t see her mouth so I don’t know what she says, but when they both glance over to me and start giggling I figure I have a pretty good idea of what it was.
Thing one and thing two start to move into the center of the room when the song changes and they start touching and grinding all over each other to the music. Most of the guys in the room turn to catch a few seconds of their little show.
When they move a little further into the center of the room, I realize they’re trying to get into Naruto’s line of sight.
I’m vaguely annoyed but surprisingly that’s all I am right now. Had this been earlier, I’m sure I would have been livid but as I lounge in Naruto’s lap, comfy-cozy and slightly drunk, all I can do is smile at the pathetic ploy for attention.
“Come on you guys!” Hinata calls to the card table. “Come dance with us!”
Kiba smirks and glances up at Naruto. Several other sets of eyes discreetly land on him as well and it’s my confirmation that the bimbo’s open invitation to the dance floor was really only meant for one person.
I look down at the blonde whose face is scrunched in concentration as he considers the cards in his hand. After a few moments, he plucks two from his fingers and slaps them down onto the table.
“I know you can’t beat that Kiba so why don’t you just pack it in for this round, hmm?”
Laughter erupts all around the table as Kiba curses and throws in his hand. Naruto doesn’t even glance up at Hinata as Shikamaru starts to shuffle the deck for a new round.
“Fuck this,” Kiba chuckles as he stands up from the table. “I don’t know why I’m over here fooling with you idiots when I could be over there with the fairer sex actually having a good time… Hey ladies!”
Naruto and the rest of the guys just laugh as the brunette hurries off to join Hinata and her friend on the dance floor. She smiles tightly at Kiba as they dance but her moves are miraculously toned way down.
Naruto, Shikamaru, and a few other people start a new hand and I blink up to see Hinata staring at me again.
I’m not sure what comes over me in this moment but I just smile softly at her as I lean my head against Naruto’s. I sling my arm around his shoulder and gently drag my fingers through his soft, golden strands; in much the same way she’d done earlier.
I rest my cheek against the top of his head and lock eyes with her as I silently flaunt my prize. It only takes a few moments for her to huff and walk away, dragging her pink-headed lackey with her.
The rest of the night goes better than I could have ever imagined. I drink and play games with Naruto and his friends and we eat barbecue and crack jokes as we enjoy the night. Since he’s one of the hosts, Naruto’s attention is called to several different areas but the blonde never abandons me to see about any of them.
If it’s something he can shirk off on one of his roommates, like refilling the cooler with more ice, he does. But if he’s needed, he always makes sure I’m comfortable with one of his friends before he hurries off to do whatever he needs to do.
When he gets back, he always greets me with a kiss or a squeeze to my hip, not caring about who’s around to witness it. That chick from earlier still can’t help but send me icy stares with her stupid friend, but it doesn’t even phase me. I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy in my entire life.
Eat your heart out bitch.
A few hours later the party starts winding down. I’m on the couch struggling to see straight as Naruto shuffles people towards the front door.
I’m nursing a bottle of water and trying to get the spinning in my head under control when I hear a familiar, unpleasant, high-pitched giggling.
I squint over to the doorway and see that fucking whore smiling up at Naruto with her hand on his arm again.
Why the fuck does she keep touching him?
I can’t hear everything but she’s saying something about some other party she and her friend are about to head to and telling Naruto he should come along.
I feel my skin start to prickle but Naruto shuts her down with a, ‘have fun, be safe’.
I don’t even realize I’m laughing to myself until suddenly Naruto’s right in front of me.
“What’s so funny?” he says, leaning over me to brush my hair out of my face.
I stare up into his beautiful blue eyes and forget everything else I was thinking.
“… I can’t remember.”
“You’re wasted,” he smiles and gently pulls me up from the couch. “Come on. Let’s get you upstairs.”
I feel myself being led through the living room and over to the staircase. The house is mostly empty now but people are saying their goodbyes and filtering out the front door.
The bimbo and her lackey are talking on the porch with some guys and as I pass I feel a wave of irrational anger come over me. She gives me a quick up and down before turning away with a smirk and I swear if I wasn’t so fucked up I’d let her know exactly what I think of her.
We round the stairs and suddenly she’s out of sight. Naruto is saying something behind me but I can’t make it out over the sound of my blood rushing in my ears. I mumble an ‘okay’ and hope it was appropriate as I climb the steps.
I stumble forward over one of them but before I can fall, Naruto’s arm shoots out to catch me around my middle and valiantly stops me from braining myself on the wall.
“Be careful,” he says lightly.
“I’m trying.”
His hands are steady on my hips as he braces behind my wobbly form and drunken laughter bubbles up from my throat again as we stumble the rest of the way to his bedroom.
I’m already shrugging off my shirt when I pass through the door and soon I’m flopping down on the bed on my back, eyes closed and glad to be off of my feet. The room feels like it’s swaying and the pleasant sensation of gentle rocking comes over me.
Naruto was right to take that last drink from me. Right now I’m in my ‘happy drunk’ groove. If I’d have had anymore I would have definitely been ready to throw up right about now.
Air suddenly moves across my bare feet and I open my eyes to see Naruto taking my shoes off.
“Sorry,” I mumble. “Forgot about those...”
“Don’t worry about it,” he says gently. “Just get comfortable.”
His hands move to my hips and he starts unbuttoning my jeans. I sit up on my elbows as I lift my hips and watch him slowly peel the garment down my legs. The room is mostly dark but the moon is bright and it filters in from the window and illuminates a small portion of my body on the bed.
My thighs rub together demurely as I watch Naruto carefully fold the clothes I just shed and place them on his desk chair. I’m left in nothing but a pair of tiny, black briefs and even though I can’t see what I look like, I know I’m the picture of sex right now.
At least that’s what my drunken mind is saying. Let’s just go with it.
My head is hazy and my body feels hot and that bitch isn’t here so I have all of Naruto’s attention. The bed is soft and the room is dark and I just feel so fucking good. My blood starts to rush south and that familiar tingling in my center starts up.
I decide he’s spending entirely too much time organizing my clothes and finally call out to him. I can hear the buzz of the alcohol in my tone, but I manage to keep my eyes trained on him as I speak.
“Hey… Come over here.”
Naruto turns to me with a curious grin and slowly moves back towards the bed.
“What’s up,” he smirks, leaning down over me.
He plants his arms on either side of me and I waste no time throwing my own around his neck. I pull him down into a slow, sensual kiss.
Naruto kisses back for a few moments but when my hands start to trail down his chest and over his firm abdomen, he groans against my mouth and grabs my hands to stop them from moving further.
“Mmm, wait. Don’t do that,” he rumbles in that way that makes me shiver.
The alcohol makes me feel bold and I decide he doesn’t really mean that. I pull my hands from his grasp and slide one to the back of his head. I move in again swiftly and run my lips across his jaw, right over to his ear. I’ve learned this is one of his spots and I exploit every bit of that information.
“Why not,” I murmur softly before nibbling at the flesh. “…You like it.”
My other hand starts to wander down his stomach again but he catches it for a second time as he groans in what sounds like soft frustration.
“Of course I like it. That’s not the point,” he chuckles. “I have to leave in a few minutes and you’re making it really hard for me to do that right now.”
I pause at his words and pull back to look up at him in confusion, “You’re leaving? Where are you going?”
“Wow, you are wasted. I just told you not even five minutes ago. I need to drive some people home since they’re all hammered. I’m one of the only sober ones left.”
Anger and panic and disappointment all well up inside me. It’s probably a bit dramatic but I’m also plastered so that’s just what it feels like.
“You never told me you were leaving,” I accuse him, suddenly serious and regrettably a little whiny.
“I did,” he laughs gently. “As we were coming upstairs. I asked you to wait for me here and said that I’d be right back. You said okay.”
I vaguely recall that conversation. Pieces of it anyway… But fuck that. Why’s he trying to leave?
I try to sit up but my head feels way too heavy and I sag back into the bed and immediately give up.
“Why can’t I go with you,” I sigh in defeat.
Naruto smiles and reaches out to stoke a hand through the side of my hair. Kind of like you do to a fussy pet when they won’t be quiet.
I’m annoyed that it’s actually making me feel better.
“Because you’re basically trashed?” He laughs. “You’ll be more comfortable here. And it won’t even take that long.”
I watch him stand up fully and move over to his desk. He plucks a water bottle off the surface and comes over to hand it to me. I stare up at him with what I hope is a harsh expression but judging by his light smile I know my face is probably the picture of drunken longing.
“Here. Drink some more water and lay down for a bit,” he tells me softly. The deep, raspy quality is back in his tone and it sinks right into my bones and mellows me out.
I adjust myself on the bed and finally lay back against the pillows.
“Just wait for me here. I’ll barely be twenty minutes. I promise.”
“Why can’t they just call a cab… or order a ride share,” I mumble childishly even though I know it’s a lost cause at this point.
“Well, one of my buddies just almost threw up in one and another guy tried to fight the driver when he told him to sit in the back. They flagged our address on the app as a rowdy party so no one’s willing to come here and pick anyone else up for the rest of the night.”
“…That’s dumb.”
Naruto laughs, “Yeah well. I kind of see their side. I’d prefer to not have to clean vomit out of my backseat too.”
“Why can’t someone else take them.”
“I told you, because I’m sober. I’m not going far so it really won’t even take that long.”
I roll my eyes at him and expel a defeated huff. Before I can start in on my next round of complaining, Naruto swiftly leans in and captures my mouth again.
His kiss is firm and demanding and though I know it’s meant to shut me up, I can’t find it anywhere in myself to be mad about it. Any objection I had immediately dies in my throat. He pulls away as quickly as he leaned in and I feel his fingers on my jaw as his thumb grazes over my bottom lip.
“Be good and stay here,” he commands softly.
My heart flashes in my chest and I feel a chill run up my spine at his low tone. We lock eyes and I feel myself start to nod before I even realize I’m doing it.
A slow smile spreads on his lips and my heart leaps again because I know I made him happy. I’m not exactly sure how this sexual dynamic came about with us, but I have absolutely no complaints about it.
Naruto leans in once more and kisses me gently before he whispers to me.
“I’ll be back soon.”
His hand slides from my face and without another word, Naruto gets up and walks out, pulling the bedroom door closed behind him.
My heart is pounding in my chest as I push my face into the pillow and try my hardest not to miss him. I realize it’s not something I can do so I squeeze my thighs together and turn over and stare up at the ceiling. I want to touch myself but I want Naruto to touch me even more.
Soon my eyelids start to feel heavy and I give into the alcohol fogging my brain.
Once the arousal starts to fade a little, I can gear a tiny voice in the back of my mind telling me I’m being stupid. That I shouldn’t have let Naruto go. That without me there as a reminder, the blonde will take one look at that perky bimbo downstairs and forget everything he feels about me.
It’s happened before. I know it’ll probably happen again.
A part of me wants to believe Naruto wouldn’t. That he’s actually different and would never disregard me like that. But I know what it is deep down. I’m not stupid.
This happiness is limited and I need to enjoy it while it lasts. This light will eventually go away and I’ll be left alone in the dark… Again.
The thought makes me sad. Like really sad. But I don’t have the energy to fight it. Not now at least when the room is still swaying.
I swallow against the growing lump in my throat and close my eyes against the water starting welling up in them. The floaty, drifty feeling is back and I stop thinking as I just start to drift off with it.
I don’t remember falling asleep so I’m not sure how much time passes but after what must have been a while later, I wake up to the feeling of someone sliding into bed next to me. I’m startled for a second until I remember where I am and I hear Naruto’s voice behind me.
“It’s just me Sas,” he sighs as he gets comfortable on the bed. “See I came right back to you.”
I hum groggily as I feel his arm come around my waist. He pulls me against his chest with his face pressed into the back of my neck. His lips press against my skin for a second before he sighs softly again and settles down.
I can feel his steady breath tickling my shoulder and I know he’s out after only a couple of minutes.
I’m still very much buzzed and I have no idea what time it is, but I’m amazed that the spike of sadness that came over me when Naruto first left is almost completely gone now. I don’t know how long he was out or what he might have done behind my back, but I ignore the colorful attempts of my backstabbing imagination to fill in the gaps.
Because it doesn’t matter really. He came back. He’s here with me. The weight of his arm around my middle confirms this and I know there’s nothing to worry about in this moment.
I tell my brain to shut up and my eyes slide closed as soon as my mind is quiet again. I scoot myself back and deeper into his embrace.
I’m secure and comfortable and sleep finds me again easily.
____________________________________
It’s a warm, sunny, Thursday afternoon. It’s been about five days since the party and I haven’t seen Naruto since early Monday morning. He’s been picking up extra shifts all week so I probably won’t get to see him until the weekend again.
It’s insane how much I miss him but he still texts me during the day and he calls me every night before he goes to bed, so being apart from him really isn’t so bad.
But without school or friends or a boyfriend to occupy my time, I’m really struggling to fill up my days.
My student aid and special stipends cover all my rent and living expenses so I really don’t need to work. I’m definitely not loaded or anything so I could stand to get a part-time job to have something to do. I certainly wouldn’t mind the extra money.
But in this small, college town, there’s just no local positions available that wouldn’t have me either serving terrible, artificially-colored junk food to annoying, screaming kids and their parents, or cleaning up after said annoying, screaming children and their obnoxious parents.
I considered taking a summer course at one point but I don’t really need to as I’m on track to graduate when I’m supposed to. The ones that would benefit me aren’t even being offered right now so I couldn’t go that route if I wanted to.
I’m not too upset about any of that though. I’m a loner by nature so I spend most of my time either reading in the park or lounging by the city pool.
The pool is my favorite because between the hours of four and six, kids under eighteen aren’t allowed since the lifeguard goes off duty by then. I’m a pretty good swimmer so this doesn’t really make a difference to me. What I like about it is that it’s relatively peaceful. The sun isn’t as hot as it was in the early afternoon and I can lay on my towel and just chill without anyone bothering me.
And that’s where I am right now: sprawled out on my red towel on the warm concrete by the pool. The sun is moving lower in the sky but I still need to drape the edge of my towel over my face to make sure I don’t get burned.
There’s a cool breeze blowing and I get a slight chill as the pool water slowly evaporates from my skin. Everything is fine. Everything is great. I feel good.
Until I hear a familiar, grating voice off to my left somewhere. I recognize the incessant high-pitched giggling instantly.
Lifting the towel a bit, I turn my head and my suspicions are confirmed. Hinata and her pink-haired friend, what’s-her-face are settling down on a couple of pool recliners about 15 feet away from me.
The two are laughing about something as they lay out their towels and I sigh in annoyance as I cover my face with the towel again. They must not have seen me or they probably wouldn’t have settled so close to me.
“I think the guy at the front was checking you out. You should totally get his number,” the friend says.
Hinata scoffs like she was just offended, “Yeah right. He wishes. Did you see his face?”
“What? He wasn’t ugly!”
“Wasn’t cute either.”
“Oh my gosh!”
The pair start their mind-numbing giggling again and I briefly entertain the idea of bashing my skull against the concrete to tune them the fuck out.
I quickly decide against it. I’m about to get up and move to a more secluded area when their conversation takes a turn and suddenly peaks my interest.
“Oh wait! You never finished telling me about the other night!” the friend says.
“What other night?” Hinata replies.
I can’t see her but I know she’s grinning like the bitch she is.
“You know what I’m talking about. The night of the party. What happened with Naruto?”
A wave of panic shoots through me at the mention of his name and I’m frozen on the ground where I lay.
“Oooh that night,” Hinata smiles. “Well, you know me Sakura. I don’t like to kiss and tell.”
My heart starts pounding in my ears and a sense of dread comes over me immediately.
“Noooo. You didn’t…” Sakura gasps, apparently in awe of her friend.
There’s a pause and I figure Hinata’s sitting there with a smug, coy smile on her face.
“Spill! Tell me everything now!” Sakura demands.
“Okay okay,” Hinata laughs. “Sooo let’s see. He drove us back to your place and helped me carry your drunk ass inside. We dropped you on the couch where you passed out immediately. Any of that sound familiar?”
“You know I don’t remember anything. Now hurry up and get to the good part!”
“Alright. Well we talked for a bit. He had some of your body glitter smeared on his hand after carrying you so I showed him to the bathroom so he could wash up.”
“…And?”
I hold my breath as I wait for the bitch to continue.
“And… I went in with him. To make sure he didn’t need any help… One thing led to another, and… You can probably guess what happened next.”
“No. You didn’t-“
“We did.”
Sakura begins to laugh and cheer and I can hear them smacking their hands together in victory.
“Your bathroom sink may not be that big but I will say, it’s very sturdy!” Hinata quips.
Sakura’s annoying laughter rings out again but I can barely hear it over the sound of the ringing in my ears. There’s a knot forming in my stomach and I can feel my fingers starting to shake.
“Wow! I can’t believe you guys! Disrespecting my parents' house like that!” Sakura says. “…But how was it?”
“Sakura!”
“Come on! You might as well tell me! It happened in my house!”
“Ughh, fine… It was… amazing. He was perfect,” Hinata tells her dreamily. “He was gentle and passionate. Everything I wanted. I just wish we’d had more time.”
I have to fight the urge to vomit.
“Mm, I knew it. He looks like he’d be good… Oh but wait! Doesn’t he have a boyfriend? That dark-haired one from the party?”
Hinata scoffs again, “I don’t know about that. He seemed pretty single Saturday night.”
The two share another laugh and it takes everything in me not to start screaming.
“So are you guys getting back together then?”
“I don’t know… Maybe?”
“Oh my gosh!”
“Stop, stop!” Hinata laughs. “It’s too soon to tell but I think so. We’ll definitely get it sorted out before I leave in a few weeks.”
“So you’d be fine with a long-distance relationship?”
“I mean it’s only a four-hour drive. That’s hardly long distance.”
“Hmm. Well…”
The tarts continue their conversation but I can’t make out anymore of what they’re saying. My heart is still pounding in my ears and I’m trying to make sense of what I’ve just heard.
Getting back together? Long-distance relationship? What the fuck is going on?
I can’t listen to any more of them and I know I need to leave right away. I lean up making sure to keep my towel over my head to hide my face. I slide my book and my water bottle back into my tote and get up carefully so my back is facing the home-wrecker and her sidekick.
I probably look ridiculous but I don’t care one bit. I slip on my sandals and hurry off the pool deck without the two noticing me. Once I get back to the locker rooms, I quickly pull on my dry clothes and rush out of the pool and back to my apartment.
My chest feels like someone’s sitting on it and my shoulders are losing the fight against gravity. My throat is burning and my eyes are overloaded with unshed tears so it’s hard for me to see straight as I trudge down the street.
Luckily enough, I manage to hold it together long enough for me to make it back to my apartment.
I make my way up the stairs and start to fiddle blindly with my keys. Once I’m inside and the door is closed, I can’t hold anything in anymore.
I completely fall apart.
____________________________________