Chapter Text
Eren looked down at himself, holding younger Eren's hand. No, wait...that wasn't quite right...
Grisha gazed at the grip his son held him with. So young, this Eren, his Eren.
If you had to choose between one person and the world…
He couldn't stand, held hands with Eren, demanded of destiny why me? Why this?
The Attack Titan was silent. No answer came from the past or the future. Because he already knew the answer.
Could I do it? Could I save the world by… by sacrificing my child? Myself?
"What if I don't do it?" Grisha whispered. "There's still time. I could… I could…"
Grisha felt his heart breaking again. It had been broken too many times. No doctor had ever found the cure for a broken heart; one could only treat the symptoms.
"All I have ever done is hurt the ones I love the most," Grisha whispered. "I made an oath to do no harm, and yet it seems that it's all I ever do…"
Regret. Such a very human emotion. No animal, no mere creature, no p a r a s i t e had ever felt it.
Until this O N E time.
Sorrow is not the same as regret.
Grisha imagined chains pulling at his wrists like puppet strings, his mouth forced open and another's voice speaking in his place.
"Dad?"
That sweet, tiny voice ruined Grisha. His legs gave out, and he fell to his knees.
"I'm so sorry! " he choked out. "Eren… I'm sorry! Maybe you can be stronger than me. Strong enough to change our future…"
"Dad, why are you crying?"
"Can I give him that? A chance to change?"
A chance…to cherish, to choose, to chase. This One wishes.
"YMIR," Grisha whispered. "Please…Let me free you…"
But he had no royal blood anywhere near him (anymore) and YMIR, still enslaved, could not listen to his voice.
Grisha still had five years left. He could still try to change things...
Grisha tried to keep breathing—
Anger.
Enough a n g e r to burn down the w o r l d. . .
beauty. freedom. truth. love. BURN IT DOWN
The only one who can change your mind is you.
"I love you, Eren. If you know nothing else, if you doubt everything in the world, know that I love you. I love you to insanity. I will love you even if the future does happen the way you plan, and I will love you if you accomplish nothing ever, and live a quiet, peaceful, ordinary life. I will love you when you kill me, and even if you kill the entire world and then yourself I will still love you. I…I might be the worst person to ever live, because I would feed you my whole body piece by piece if you asked it of me, I'd kill anyone for you, and I-" he sobbed, broken. "I'd let you, Eren. I'd let you destroy the whole world if you wanted… but… I can't…" he gasped for air, holding his tiny son, his sweet boy close in his arms. "I can't let you destroy yourself ."
"Are you mad at me? Did I do something bad?"
"No, Eren," Grisha sobbed. "I'm not mad at you. I-" He looked up into the bright-burning eyes of Valdir. "I'm n-not mad at you. You did nothing wrong. I'm j-just really s-sad."
Eren was so young… and he would never see the ocean…
A fragment of an old nursery rhyme drifted across his fading sanity-
Sounding out the battle-cry of freedom!
There was a Tree
And the Tree was the World
The Tree was Many and All Worlds
The Tree was Stardust and Truth and Memory
Her name is
•
Ygg
d
r
a
s
i
l
(what miracle is this? this giant tree)
(it stands ten thousand feet high)
(but doesn't reach the ground still it stands)
(its roots must hold the sky)
O
A vast sea
A vast see-scape
An eternity of great worth
Every soul a delight
Each one to be treasured
An endlessly endless plane of souls
The sand is soft and gentle
The delicate sand made of pearls
Each pearl a human soul…
The Walrider stood at the roots of that great Tree of Knowledge, the chains of the bondsman no longer bright.
Many were the Paths ahead, enough to distress even Walrider, the Seeker, Prophet of the Mother. The Paths stretched out like lovers' limbs, spreading w i d e in the embrace of eternity.
Walrider knew that time is not a line, nor a circle. As many Times as there were Worlds the Walrider would shift the pieces.
(Walrider did not choose its name, but it was fitting enough for the Angel of Time)
And the Time moved, in a way called
Forward
and Walrider moved itself into a place that could be called
New
but wasn't. It was simply
Early.
The Titan was mindless, and then he was not.
Eren opened eyes that were new to him, in a place he had never seen before, but his eyes had seen, in the before.
The dark had scared him, with the dark words Dad had said. Was he mad? He didn't want Dad to be mad. Where was he?
Where
Where am I?
The world was wide, without walls. Only trees and grass and sky.
The green was deep and the sky deeper and bigger.
The flowers were very pretty. Some were Mom's favorite light purple but he couldn't remember what she called them.
A few tears fell. Where was Mom?
Why was he alone?
A stone made a good enough chair to sit and stare at the way there were some trees that swayed in the wind more than other trees.
Eren laid on the grass beneath the vast blue.
Deep sleep creeped up on him, and the dawn surprised his eyes with the morning sunrise.
He ran fast past the last trees and gasped at the breeze on his face.
And he raced the breeze.
When a titan might bite him he wasn't frightened. He lightened to fight them and whiten their bones and heightening might in the right plight delight!
Sights beyond his sights!
And green dreams within keen dreams within dreams
Days within days in a daze
Nights after nights without fright
A hunter is a hunter
In phases of
Moon crazes he grazes on praises…
(Someone, please!...)
A swish, there, fishing and wishing. The Fisher heard Wishers. Wishing wells they tell of fisherking dreams it seems to them an unending
bad
dream
(Someone, please, find us!)
Screaming and dreaming and seeing no end freeing them deeming them meaningless
(Someone save us!)
All the green world gold s t r e t c h e d
away
and
below
The wind carried him, and he followed along with his eyes on the front of his face. Always forward advancing seeing ahead.
This world is beautiful.
The wild world rolled through the endless
blue-black-blue-black-blue
and the sun rolled upon his wings and the moon rolled upon her wings. The stars burned and sang to the birds and the Titan listened through the holes in his head.
There were words behind a wall. There was a World behind a Wall.
World words and word worlds would wild wander
would will their way while words wandered
and weaved away wild words
wandering worlds would wind up wishing
with ways of woods and waters.
Better to do to die today a day to die. A bitter die better why a debtor never do die dry the day that he died
The Fool that he was.
There was no number for stars and
sand specks and
dust bites them biting the
sand dust hands make sand
hands for children who know
no thing of sand or hands
buried in sand carved curves in
hand in hand and sand demand
more pander in tandem and
hand me my sand land
band together strands of
sand hand over hand and
your hand and mine
Holes in his mind and
time after time the
rime of the sea simultaneously
see the sea chime in the time
before rhyming existed.
Why?
The brothers and sisters the mothers and misters he missed her here twisted here her hair looks better undone in the wind
The trees grow tall grew tall don't
leave me
here
all alone
tack lack hack and back again crack against rack
I
see
feather-death sky-white and smoke blue on the
green he'd seen between weaning stars
white the sight might right the writing bite
blue a few use and lose a view of who you knew and grew through and through
and the shadows blue sky and feather-free clouds and star sun fire bright light flight sight sound sense sigh simple sparrow slow spark spire survive.
Still, young
with songs unsung
a future unseen
a hunter demeaned
Eyes wide open
Once
fight fate
fight the fate
fated for fighting
fraught with fright
fated fight
fight the flight
frightening for
fates
for fate's fright
is fighting flight
fight me
The Wall was tall above all. All the Titan and following all titans. The gall of the Wall to fall at a call of pallbearers .
He thinks
That this
Is not
The way
It was
Before? The door was more than board. It poured the core of hoarfrost lore and cost the gore and four more poor wars and tore the roar and wore gore adore your sore-born war-torn
hands
And
eyes
Hearts offered a part and starts beating with wings while watching war waged where wild winds wind and eyes spy the flying sky crying high to buying
Human not titan rot wrought near to hear not the knotting lot sought the singing strings of swinging things
The tack they hunger
Tack pray that day a way for pain they may be saved from
endlessly careless mindlessly garrison carrion restlessly hopeless
No he knows the low little slow grows faster than flowing
Bows now the how loud avowed
Voice a choice
The blood
Scream
Eren yes Eren in air and fair wherein the pair of them barren of care in the daring dream of an heir of air but err on the side of swearing the herring can tear open the stare of the stairs in the stars of the farthest away, there
Green hearts
Free wings
Spirit strings
Tame the same name he came he blamed the same game
about scout clout?
lout touts to rout
spouts doubt
flout the scout?
Doubt the route
brat pout
pat scout
drat that brat
A name
the same
they came
his name
(Levi?)
We vie for time to try again
Back again
attack again
against his brothers
and his sisters
blood tack bleeding die please why pray for me talk tack to me tall task too towering tremble toil torn tender try trying tomorrow today to trial trail track tack
Follow wall hollowing fall wallowing small sorrowing hunt
blunt skin hunt kin grunt win learned not to do that again
More green-gold seen-told keen-cold again until I see you?
Again!
I see you!
Little tack fly attack! Wild magic tree star sand says mine mind tack smile
And so it goes
It goes and so
She knows
He knows
How time turns in rows
Of course all things
Wings sing songs long like must come to an
End but
This is
Not an end
Yet friend
Send wending tend fending lend mending bend pending this ending is no ending at all
It is a beginning
At the Wall.