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Part 1 of st marie
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2023-04-22
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oh july

Summary:

Tina returns to that god damned lake.

Notes:

friday part seven my beloved. hope y'all enjoy, this is my first serious writing in five years and the single longest thing i've ever written.

takes place a few years after the movie, we're ignoring movies 8 and on at this point.

Work Text:

Jason brings her gifts after she moves in, onto camp land and into a little cabin away from the main buildings. The gifts are simple trinkets or actually useful items, bones, once a knife. A mummified rat, which she had... Not reacted well to. It had been surprising, was all, to turn and find herself face to chest with nigh-on seven foot of decayed man, with said man holding a dusty, gross rat carcass like it was the greatest present to ever be given.

She might have shrieked. Jason had seemed thrilled with this reaction but had insisted she keep the rat. She tried to tuck it away behind the cabin but found it set on the porch again the next morning, and the morning after that as well. Not wanting to play some weird “find the rat” game she reluctantly set it up on the railing. It sits there, looking awful and horrid, but she doesn’t dare get rid of the thing. She’s started calling it Gerald.

Tina has a hard time adjusting to it, the odd gifts. She never knows what he'll show up with, much less when. He comes and goes, seemingly at random, maybe just checking up on her? Making sure she's not getting into trouble? She wouldn't, has seen the deathtrap that the camp and surrounding woods are. There’s so much debris from the various camps that were (foolishly) built along the way, she could build a mansion if any of it was in decent shape.

Not to mention the wildlife, or the plants, or the natural dips and hazards out there, hidden to the untrained eye. Living in sterile environments hasn’t been good to Tina’s ability to avoid such dangers.

So, no way in hell is Tina risking it. Injury out here is bad news, no matter how small the scrape or bruise. If it became something worse... Well. To keep it short, Tina would not enjoy the walk to town, nor the car ride to the nearest hospital. And she’s willing to bet everything she owns that Jason has absolutely no medical knowledge, so that option’s right out.

---

He shows up again, mid-afternoon, holding something in his hands. He looks... not nervous, Tina's not sure he feels nervous, honestly. Hesitant, she thinks. It doesn't suit him, looks out of place against his patchwork bone-meat-rot skin and tattered clothes.

She dips her head politely, murmuring a soft greeting. He mimics her motion, holding out his hands to her. Exposed bone and tendon glint in the sun, catch the light. Tina's attention is caught, however, by the object in Jason's hand. An intricate piece of silverware, a small spoon with fine details. She suspects it matches the fork she's already been given.

"For me?" she asks, but it's unnecessary, he's already pushing the spoon towards her. Hesitancy suits Tina, and she waits a moment before reaching for the latest gift. Jason's head ticks when she takes it, she wonders if he's pleased. If he hopes she likes it.

She looks the spoon over, turns it this way and that. It must have been recently cleaned, there's faint moisture on the dips of the design. Or maybe it was at the bottom of the lake, she considers, amused. It wouldn't surprise her if most of the things he brings her come from the lake.

"It's pretty," Tina says with a smile, "Thank you."

Huffing a deep, seemingly relieved breath, Jason gives her a jerky nod that's probably supposed to be encouraging. It just kind of looks painful honestly.

Jason lingers only a moment longer before he gives another jerky nod and strides off. Tina watches as he goes, turning back into the cabin when his shape's fully swallowed by the trees. The spoon is placed next to its pair on the rickety shelf near the door.

Other small gifts decorate the shelf. A chipped mug, a rusted, twisted fish hook. Rib bones and teeth that Tina desperately hopes aren't human in origin. Some of them can't be, wrong size or shape. But still. It worries her just a little. Colorful glass shards seem to be a favorite trinket, as she's filled a glass with them already.

The little cabin Jason cleaned up for her is much like the shelf. Small, rickety. Holding on but barely, and covered in an absurd collection of items, some Jason brought Tina, some she carried with her, and some that were there well before she got here. There’s a door, off its hinges and resting against the far wall. Blankets, dishes, old, old foods. She’s honestly baffled by the amount of food. And desperate to get it all out, it grosses her out something fierce. It all needs to go, and soon.

Overall, it's the last minute accommodations Tina expects it to be. It's drafty and broken but standing. It's a roof. She's not sure Jason has even that much. Wherever he rests is not here. But he must rest somewhere, right? She doesn’t know, and she doesn’t know if she should be worried about his resting habits.

There's a lot she doesn't know about him, honestly. Oh, she knows the basics. The stories told around campfires. Tommy Jarvis' somewhat convoluted account of what happened, which explains why Jason was chained to the bottom of the lake when Tina found him, at least.

She knows he is an angry soul, vengeful. He is dedicated, relentless, and very good at his self-imposed duties. But he is also lonely, has spent most of his life isolated. He doesn't know how to relate to her, or anyone. She doubts that anyone has tried to reach out to him. Or if they did it certainly didn't leave much of an impact on him.

But simple things, his favorite color, his hobbies, if applicable. Tina suspects he would simply blink at her if she asked. Does he have a preferred season? Can he read and write?

Tina isn't sure how to approach asking him about himself. His usual response is either a blank stare or a curt nod or shake of head. He seems to sigh, and she remembers him huffing and almost snarling, when they'd fought. Verbal response seems out of the question, from what Tina can gather.

Honestly she's not sure if his lack of response to her questions, what few she has asked, is because he doesn't want to respond or because he's unable to respond. She knows he understands her, knows he's listening. But she doesn't know how to really communicate with him.

But she’s also going a little out of her mind with no one to express herself to, so, for lack of better companion, she talks to Gerald. A lot. Like, probably a worrying amount if she’s being honest with herself. But what other choice does she have? How else is she supposed to process what her life is now? Tina chose to come back, she knows that, she made that decision after hours of careful consideration.

It wasn’t easy, weighing her options, to stay safely away or risk it and return to that god damned lake. Though as much as she wanted to move on, she knew that she was bound there. Bound to that dock, that shoreline, that forest. Tied to it as tightly as Jason was. For different reasons, perhaps, but the connection was there nonetheless.

It was this, this knowledge that they were same-but-different that drove her to go back. She’d kept careful watch of the news in the days leading up to her return, because if he had somehow escaped the depths Tina needed to know. She’d been foolish last time, had been desperate to see her father again, hadn’t fully understood what she was getting into when she’d felt someone in the water and tugged.

But not this time. No, this time she would be careful. No one else would die and that was her promise. She was no frightened child anymore, she was strong, determined. She could forge a connection and she could maybe, just maybe, calm Jason’s rage.

Or so Tina’d thought. Oh, pulling him from the depths again had been easy, she knew the shape and taste of his rage like she knew her own mind, it was the after that was harder. Determined she may have been to put an end to the deaths, but prepared for the reality of trying she was not.

She had been a fool. Again. Again, she had thought she’d understood, thought herself prepared when she really, really wasn’t. It seemed she could talk or scream herself hoarse, but it wouldn’t stop him. Tina couldn’t stop him.

It was something of an impasse between them at this point. Tina hasn’t given up on stopping the bloodshed eventually, merely... Shelved the idea for now. She’s holding hope close to her chest that someday they’ll be able to talk about it and make headway.

For now conversation is a nonstarter with Jason. Tina's leading theory is that he's just so out of practice with interaction that he doesn't... Know how to do it anymore. If he ever knew. There doesn’t seem to be a solid answer to that question. What he can do is gesture, if stilted. He can huff and rasp. This makes her wonder if he can laugh, what that would sound like.

The theoretical sound of Jason’s laughter is, essentially, irrelevant. But Tina’s still curious.

It’s really listening for any amount of time, that's where she’s hitting a wall in the day to day. One question is okay. A follow-up question is, on occasion, permitted. The act of simply talking to him is where she loses him. Is he bored? Distracted? Is he simply so used to being in the background that words naturally tune out if he’s not directly focused on her?

How desperately she wishes the answers would just appear before her. For now though, it's not feasible to process her thoughts and feelings with Jason. So Gerald is subject to her long rants and rambles. He’s not much better as far as conversation partners go, being that he is a mummified rat, but at least he can’t just up and walk away. (Dear God she hopes he can’t do that.)

She talks about everything. She talks a lot about her parents. She misses her mom so much, it’s not right, it’s not fair. Tina wishes she could pull Crews up from his grave and enact some kind of horrid vengeance against him, the fucking coward. He got her mom killed, he used her, manipulated both of them for his own selfish ends-

Her power sparks-

Tina jumps as Gerald jolts his way off the railing, skittering down the pitted gravel pathway leading to her cabin. He stops, upside down and horrid-looking, freshly dusty. She grimaces, steps off the porch to retrieve him, muttering apologies while she gingerly picks him up and returns him to his spot upon the railing.

And then she goes to wash her hands, because ew. She’ll have to remember to either step farther away from Gerald or try harder to keep herself in check. The water from the tap is hot against her hands, the soap is citrus, frothy. It’s grounding, helps Tina calm down.

Crews is dead, he’s gone, she reminds herself, he cannot hurt her anymore. No more hospitals, no more manipulation. Well. Unless Jason’s keen on manipulating her but she... Kind of doubts that. Really doubts it honestly, certainly not the way Crews had.

Tina laughs softly to herself, enjoying the mental image of Jason attempting to manipulate her via stilted gestures and glares. She dries her hands on one of the rough, old towels that hangs in the kitchen, smiling.

She’ll try again, she supposes. Someday she will get through, they’ll find a way to communicate. She’s determined to achieve this if nothing else. She’ll just pick her moment carefully.

-----

Jason swivels to attention when Tina calls his name. For a split second she's moved, taken back into a time not here and now but then and gone. She remembers, with startling clarity, the moment he'd stepped out of the trees onto the road in front of her. The dread in her stomach, the understanding that she had pulled something from the lake she was in no way prepared to confront. She recalls shaking from adrenaline and fear, recalls wondering what the fresh hell she was supposed to do about it.

But it was her fault, wasn’t it? All of it, her father, her power, the very angry, very rotten man before her. So, if it was her fault, then it was her mess to fix. So. Fix it she would.

Except she’d hardly fixed it, in the end, otherwise she would have left Jason deep in the lake. Good job Tina, full marks.

The illusion of the past dissipates quickly when Jason steps over, shoulders loose. He seems to be in a decent mood today, she thinks, or hopes, giving him a smile.

“I have a question for you,” Tina says once he’s come a little closer.

Jason's head ticks to the side slightly as he narrows his eyes at her. He stands and takes deep, deep breaths that gurgle faintly in his throat. It sounds wildly uncomfortable, but he shows no signs of pain or discomfort, he just. Waits. Tina guesses this is as good of a "go ahead" she'll ever get right now.

With half a mind to wave him off, because this could go so so poorly, she clears her throat and asks, "What's your favorite color?". It’s probably the most she’s spoken to him in the last week, and isn’t that kinda sad. But no matter, it’s out in the air now.

It's a simple question at least, one she hopes will help ease them into more frequent communication. If he has a favorite color, that is. ...Oh no. What if he's colorblind? What if he doesn't care about color at all?

Jason stares for an uncomfortable amount of time, making Tina regret her curiosity, before abruptly turning and walking into the woods. She sighs, disappointed even though she knew it was a long shot. She picks at the old wooden railing in front of her, wondering what she should try asking next. If she even should try again.

She's just so lonely is all, with no one to talk to. With her whole life upturned, her mom gone, her few friends either dead or simply not in her life anymore... There’s no one in the camp either, obviously. She sighs again, shakes her head. Thinking wistfully of the people she's known won't help, she'll just have to figure it out. Maybe Jason can show her a safer path to town where she can go out on her own. Right now if she needs to leave he walks her to the edge of the woods, where he then waits for her to return. He doesn’t come into town with her.

The image of Jason shadowing her around town like some giant zombified bodyguard is funny though. Be harder to make friends probably, but worth it to see the looks on people’s faces when they realize exactly what they’re seeing. Yes, she thinks, it would be well worth the loneliness to have that one moment of gleeful triumph where she was special, different but not the way she’s been her whole life. Not a freak, but the person to have Jason Voorhees on her side. God, isn’t that the dream.

But it’s just a silly fantasy, she can’t see him ever agreeing to go into town, so Tina straightens, preparing to go inside, when she sees Jason stepping back out of the trees. He heads directly for her, so she waits where she is. Jason stops at the bottom of the porch steps and makes eye contact. He holds up his hand, glancing down at it briefly before looking her in the eye again.

Tina glances down at his hand where a half dozen orange and reddish rocks lay in his palm, a few polished, most rough. They're pretty, clean and vibrant. They stand out starkly against the off-grey mottling of Jason's hand.

"Oh," Tina says, "Somehow that makes perfect sense."

Jason's head tips quizzically, searching, he wants to know why that makes sense. He withdraws his hand, waits. He is good at waiting.

Tina shakes her head, "Not in a bad way, I mean, I just- It makes sense that you would seek out warmer colors instead of. You know." She looks pointedly at the lake, vaguely uncomfortable with pointing it out. Where Jason’s boundaries lie in relation to it are unknown to her. Jason follows her gaze to it, watches the waves a second, then turns back to her and shrugs. Like it doesn't matter. Maybe he just likes the color orange.

Then, to her surprise, Jason points. He points at her. Tina blinks in confusion, Jason tips his head. Points more insistently, if possible. Huffs. It sounds frustrated.

"What?" Tina asks, watching him, "Are you asking... My favorite color?" Surely not, right? He hasn't attempted communication since she first showed up. But then again she did want to actually talk with him, so if that is what he wants, she'll certainly take it. Gift horses and all that. Is this really the first step to making a better connection? Something as simple as colors?

Jason nods, short and sharp, points again at her. So Tina says, "I like pastels, but pink is my favorite overall I think. It feels comforting to me. I used to have this blanket when I was a child, it was so soft and pink. I don’t know what happened to it, I must have lost it somewhere. I miss it sometimes.”

It should not surprise her that Jason's gifts take a pastel turn in the weeks after that. somehow it still does though. Easter eggs, pieces of cloth, clothes, glass, books with pastel covers, fake and real flowers, bits of plastic or other small shards of what is essentially garbage. Just, so much stuff. Apparently giving Jason an idea of what she likes was a dangerous one.

He must be stealing some of it from the people on the edge of town. He must be. There's no way he just found plastic easter eggs in the woods. And some of the blankets still smell faintly of soap, but given the state of his clothes Tina doubts he’s cleaning them. She does wonder if the fake flowers come from the local graveyard. That would be rude but not surprising, not really.

This brings her to another thought, which is, does Jason's grave get flowers? Is he bringing her flowers from his grave? And, would it be weird if she went to his grave? There's no body to pay respect to, but it's...

She's not sure what it is, maybe she wants to pay respect to who he could have been. But he isn’t, he never got the chance to be anything else. His mother must be buried around here somewhere, too, mustn’t she? Maybe he'd take her there, if they’re buried near to each other, she could pay respects to both of them. She could ask. Worst he could do is turn her down.

"Jason," she says when he shows up carrying yet another bundle of pale cloth. This one looks like a blanket. He goes still, watching like he's waiting for her to continue. Wary, but listening.

"I have two questions," Tina says, "First, where are you getting all this stuff?" She would just like to go one day not being baffled by Jason's complete turnaround in attitude towards her, alright. She's not asking much. He'd been so hostile, then cold, but now he's practically drowning her- no, wait, poor wording- he's overwhelming her with things and she has no clue what to do about it. What is he trying to get across? What piece of the puzzle is she missing?

His head tips quizzically, owlish. He inhales, exhales, inhales again. He sets the possibly-a-blanket gently down over the porch railing and then turns half away from her, keeping his eyes on her as he makes a sort of sweeping gesture to the world around them. This tells her, well, essentially nothing.

"...You get it from the woods?” She ventures, “Do you take it from people? Do you go into town?" She feels sure it’s not the last one, because again, she cannot see him willingly going into town. Jason processes a moment, then nods, once, twice. Then shakes his head. Two yes, one no. Well that narrows things down a bit, but, crucially-

"You're stealing?" Tina feels... weird about that, knowing he's stealing from people for her, for whatever reason it is that he does. "That doesn't seem...” She clears her throat, “That doesn't seem right."

Jason snorts, actually snorts like he finds it funny, gives an almost dismissive head shake and a shrug. It occurs to Tina abruptly that this is the most expressive he's ever been, aside from the rage he'd shown before. But this is almost amused. Jason might be just a bit of a bastard under all that anger. She laughs softly at that despite her concern about angry neighbors wondering where all their things are going. Jason's head tips again, curious.

"It's nothing," She says, smiling, "Just please be careful, I don't want you getting hurt." The look he gives her she interprets as "even if they could hurt me it wouldn't matter." Which is probably true but nonetheless she is allowed to worry about it. He can be hurt after all, she’d done plenty of damage to him. She can see the scars, too, evidence of prior injuries.

Tina hesitates a moment, but decides to press on with: "I still have another question, is it okay if I ask?", to which he responds with a sharp nod.

"Okay," Tina murmurs. She clears her throat and asks, simply, "Why?" Then, because he is definitely not going to understand what that means, she elaborates a bit. "Why are you bringing me all this stuff?"

He is quiet and still for a very, very long few minutes. Then he jerks away abruptly and huffs, not looking her in the eye as he raises a hand, holding it out. He wants her to... take his hand? Tina steps carefully off the porch, mindful of the nails sticking up. Jason won't look her in the eye, even when she tries to catch his gaze. It’s worrying.

What had she said? What had she done? She thinks back, tries to come up with what had gone wrong, but comes up blank. All she had asked was why. Had that offended him?

Tina takes his hand, confident that if he is upset with her he'll show it, let her know.

Hands clasped, Jason starts off into the woods, minding his step to accommodate for Tina's smaller stride. She keeps pace, watching him, the play of light against his mask and what she can see of his skin. She thinks he's healing, some bones less exposed than before, fresher looking skin covering over exposed viscera. Tina wonders what drives his healing, how he can do it so fast. She doesn't ask, not now, because Jason still won't look at her, just holds her hand a shade too tight, and walks on.

So she walks with him, careful not to trip but definitely paying more attention to the man beside her than necessary. His earlier expressiveness has vanished, replaced by the stiff line of his shoulders and a cold mask of indifference. It occurs to Tina that he could, possibly, be dragging her into the woods to get rid of her. She doesn’t dwell on the idea though, finds it hard to believe Jason wouldn’t just stab her and be done with it if he got annoyed. So she trusts him and follows along.

She isn't sure how long they go, only the sound of their breathing between them.

It's not a rushed walk through the trees, but Jason definitely has a goal in mind, following some invisible path. He keeps his pace in check to make sure he's not pulling Tina off her feet as they go. She isn't sure what set him off, what started this little venture into the woodland around them, but she doesn't speak again for fear of upsetting him further, since it's clear he's worked up about something.

The trees start to thin around them, leaves and grass crunching underfoot. She can feel the whisper of wind around them, bringing a soft chill. Tina has a feeling she's been here before. It's not a good one. Makes her stomach twist and a cold sweat break across her shoulders.

She slows her pace until Jason has to stop or else pull her off her feet. He still won't look at her. It nags at her. She is missing a piece of the puzzle. She-

"Jason-" she asks, hushed, because she needs to know but she is scared all the same, "-where are we?"

Jason's shoulders draw up, almost as if protecting himself. He tugs Tina forward, further into the little clearing. She follows nervously, she knows this place, she's seen this place before, that awful night. When her mother was-

They come upon a shape made of rocks, laid in a rectangle. The grass inside the shape is greener, dotted with little wildflowers. There's a flatter, larger stone at one of the shorter sides of the rocks. Like a headstone.

It’s a grave, it must be. What else could it be?

Tina can't breathe. She can't breathe. Horror, pain, anger, anguish, an awful flood of emotions filling her lungs, her body, everything.

She turns to Jason to find that he's staring intently at the grave, tension in every angle of his body. "Why did you bring me here? This is-" Tina falters, charges on, "This is where she died, isn't it? This is where my mom died." Her voice wavers and she can't decide whether to be angry or devastated.

She feels sick, bowled over by the grief she thought she'd processed. She watches as Jason squares his shoulders, gives a gurgling, rough exhale, and straightens. He looks her in the eye.

He hesitates. His jaw works, Tina can hear it creak slightly.

Jason nods, once, decisive. This is where he killed her mother.

"What does this have to do with anything else?" Tina demands, tears welling up in her eyes, spilling over her cheeks. Swiping messily at them in an attempt to stop crying before it overwhelms her. Why the hell did he bring her here?

Jason makes a rough huffing noise at her tears, looking almost guilty. Shoulders drawn up tight, he watches her cry and sniff. Does he feel guilt, she wonders, can he even feel remorse? He looks the part right now, but looks can be deceiving.

"I don't understand," she feels, at once, exhausted. "I don't know what you're trying to tell me by bringing me here."

Tina watches his jaw work as he looks to the grave. It's a strange habit of his, but she's not altogether too focused on it right now. What matters more is why. Why here, now? Why go to the trouble of making a whole grave? She knows for a fact most of his victims are simply left where they lay, to be picked up by first responders or otherwise eaten by scavengers. A grave for her mother seems out of character. His behavior as a whole right now is wildly out of character, honestly.

He thinks for a moment, probably trying to figure out how to explain his thoughts to her, before Jason points to himself, then Tina. He makes a motion with both hands like he's pushing something towards her and looks at the grave after. He looks at the grave for a long second, catches Tina's eye again. Jason points to the grave, points back at tina.

Tina thinks on it, asks him to repeat the gestures, which he does. Is he saying- Does he mean that he's giving her things because her mom's dead? She asks him that, but is met with a head shake and a half shrug like she's not quite wrong but isn't right either. Okay, so what does he mean?

They go for a minute, Tina asking questions and Jason replying in negatives. No, not that. No, not quite. She's ready to give up when it hits her. He is feeling guilty, he is remorseful. The gifts are atonement. Penance for the wrong he's done.

"...It's because you killed her, isn't it," Tina guesses at length, finally seeing the whole picture, "Because you did to me what was done to you. You took my mother away, you killed her. And that's exactly what happened to you."

"So you feel guilty," she continues, watching the way he's unable again to look her in the eye, "You feel guilty you took someone's mom away. But how many times have you done that, because I can't be the first one. How many people’s moms have you killed without a second thought?"

He looks uncomfortable, deeply. Good, Tina thinks, he should. He should have to face this reality. "I'm just the only one who came back and tried to be something to you. I'm the only one who made you realize what you've done. Or made you have to face it, at least."

Jason fidgets, jaw working, fists clenching and relaxing in rhythm. Tina knows he wants to run. She can see it plain as day. But he stays, he waits, he listens.

"But you don't feel bad that it was me," she ignores the way he snaps to attention and shakes his head, almost frantic, "You only feel bad because you have to confront the truth of what you've done. Your guilt is for you, not for me. You feel bad for you."

She shakes her head, feeling hurt and tired. She supposes she asked for this. She had wanted him to communicate. But God she hadn’t wanted it to go like this. Angry, she looks him dead in the eye, "Well you can appease your guilt with someone else. I am not a tool for your redemption, Jason Voorhees. I am not a tool. I am a person and I deserve to be seen as such."

Tina abruptly turns to go, because she doesn’t want to be here anymore. She starts off but is stopped, finds Jason’s hand on her arm, holding her in place. Up close she can see his eyes, wide, worried. She doesn’t want his worries right now. She wants her mom back.

“Just leave me alone Jason. I don’t want to do this anymore right now,” Tina pulls away from him, and he lets her go, though he clearly doesn’t want to. Tina sniffs and wipes at her eyes. She turns and leaves him there, leaves him next to her mother’s grave.

The walk back to the cabin is something she’s barely aware of, so buried in emotions as she is. Tina just wants to lay in bed and not deal with any of it. She got her answers for sure, but she almost regrets knowing.

Her heart hurts. She gets back to the cabin and immediately curls up in her rickety little bed, where she lets herself cry it out, ugly and all consuming, heaving sobs. When the tears subside Tina is left feeling empty and so, so tired. It doesn’t take long for her to fall into a fitful sleep.

She doesn't see him for a while after that. In a way it's a blessing, because it gives her time to think. Perhaps she'd been unfair to him with her reaction. Well, no, it wasn't unfair for her to be upset about her mother's passing. That was a natural reaction, it was grief, plain and simple. She doesn't think it was wrong to be angry to find out that Jason's gifts were some sort of weird appeasement effort either, instead of a genuine attempt at connection.

It could have still been an attempt at connection, she supposes, but it doesn’t feel the same, to know he was driven by guilty feelings not friendly feelings. It feels a bit like betrayal, but Tina can’t really... Be mad at him for not seeing things exactly as she does.

But maybe, maybe telling Jason to leave her alone was too far. She misses him, and she's surprised by that. She hadn't realized how used to his presence she had gotten. But more than that, how had he seen her pushing him away? Would he see it as a total rejection?

Who was she kidding, of course he would. His whole life has been a series of rejections and let downs. God, but she was a fool.

But realizing her actions would hurt him doesn't undo them, it doesn't make her own hurt go away, it doesn't solve anything. She doesn't know how to solve anything. She's perpetually acting like she can fix things but the reality is she keeps making messes. She's so tired of messing up.

Three days into their silence, Tina finds fresh jugs of water on the porch along with neatly stacked canned goods, mostly veggies. So Jason's still close enough to check in, then. That seems like a good sign, she hopes, not a sign he’s just left her to her own devices. If nothing else, Tina is confident in her belief that if Jason had decided to be done with her, he wouldn't simply leave her alone as asked. No, she'd be more likely to wake up to a machete in the gut if that were the case.

Day five it somewhat belatedly dawns on Tina that Jason drowned when he was 11, and he's been alone since then, for however long it's been. Almost fifty years, she thinks but isn't sure. That's a long time to be without a support system, no family or friends. No one to teach him how to feel emotion and deal with it in a healthy way. And with seemingly no ability to talk to people, of course Jason's going to deal with his guilt over her mother's death the way he did, with heaps of gifts, tokens to win affection. He probably doesn't know any other way.

With this in mind, Tina prepares for his return.

Only, he doesn't show up. By day ten, the only sign he exists is more water and food left on the porch. Tina feels out of her mind with worry for him, for them. Instead of continuing to sit at the house and worry herself to death, she decides to take a walk and clear her head. Not for the first time, she wishes Jason could, or would, speak to her. Nothing could be so simple for them though, of course.

It’s a lovely day out, sunny and warm with a light breeze. Her feet carry her around the lake’s shoreline, out onto the old dock. She sits carefully on the rough, aged wood and takes a deep breath. The lake is calm, matching the day around her. It's serene. The sun warms her skin, but the gentle breeze keeps her from being too warm. For a long few minutes Tina just breathes, in and out, measured and calm.

She looks down at the water, watching the gentle motion of it. Soft ripples, bright glare from the sun. It can be so peaceful out here, she thinks, despite the ghosts haunting every corner. Thinking of ghosts, she looks up, glancing back at solid land for any hint of Jason. He isn't there, not even tucked back into the trees.

Well.

At least not that Tina can see. He could be anywhere and she might just miss him because he doesn't want to be found. It’s impressive how he can fold into the scenery so perfectly despite wearing such an obvious face. Tina sighs and turns back to the water. She closes her eyes and focuses on her breathing, slow, in, out. In, out.

She catalogues her feelings for nothing better to do.

One. She is worried. She is worried that Jason will never show himself to her again. He must have been told to go away countless times as a boy, would he see this instance as just like those times? Tina is sure he will, no matter how she might have meant differently. She didn’t mean for him to leave forever, only for a while, so she could think and process. She couldn’t fully blame him for not understanding, after all it’s not like she was very clear about it, too clouded by emotion to think her words through before saying them.

Two. She is upset. Tina is upset at many things, mostly herself. She had thought she was done grieving, she was so tired of grief. Her whole life had been grieving, everything had been second to it. She just wanted to be okay for once, that wasn't much to ask for, for crying out loud! Didn't she deserve some kind of peace? Wasn't she owed a little calm in her own mind?

Three. She is angry. Tina’s anger eats at her until she doesn't even know what she's angry at anymore. Everything. Nothing. She's angry at herself, at Crews, at Jason, at her father, at her mother. It's all so complicated, it's not fair, it's not right. But life isn't fair. She should know that by now, she's been through enough, she’s old enough to know that life sucks frequently. She just- She is angry. It’s all-consuming.

Tina shakes her head, dislodges the anger and prickly, uncomfortable feeling in her gut. Yes, life isn't fair. But goddammit, Tina was going to make the best of it if it killed her. She was here, now, alive and well. No hospitals, no manipulative doctor. She was free, even if it wasn't quite the freedom that eighteen year old Tina had dreamt of.

It wasn't what she expected but it was enough. It was more than enough. The only thing missing was her mother. She was not about to follow in Tommy Jarvis’ footsteps and turn another person into a zombie. That would only go poorly, for sure.

Noise beside her jolts Tina from her thoughts, her eyes going wide open as she startles. She freezes quickly, disbelief coursing through her. There, settling into the same sitting position she is, Jason is dripping water all over the dock. He just- He just pulled himself up onto the dock from the depths. (She shouldn't be surprised, she's seen more impressive things from him, but still. Jason continues to surprise her.)

Jason makes a rough noise, water spitting from the mask’s holes over his mouth. His breathing is, to be frank, gross when he's exhaling water. He sounds like he's choking but he honestly seems entirely unbothered. Okay, weird, but Tina supposes it must be totally normal for him. He shakes out his shoulders and makes another choking sound.

...Nope, no, Tina has decided that it's just kinda gross. Sorry Jason, it's gross.

"...You okay?" she asks, because she is a little worried about it. What if he is actually choking? Tina isn’t sure she can do much if he is. Her arms certainly won’t go all the way around his barrel of a chest.

Jason looks up at her, sharp. He tilts his head but nods, making a gesture between the water and his chest. Tina assumed that, yes, he was just getting the water out, so she nods back. She doesn't know where to go from there. She should say something, but she's drawing a complete blank.

Start slow, she reminds herself, he'll leave if he gets overwhelmed. She glances up at him and finds that Jason's looking at his reflection on the water's surface. His breathing's settled at least, no more awful coughing, just his usual deep, deep breaths. Tina’s glad to see that his posture’s loose, but that also feeds her guilt. How can he act like nothing’s wrong when she’d pushed him away?

"I'm sorry," Tina blurts, abrupt and loud enough to startle Jason, who whips his head back up to meet her eyes, looking baffled. She shakes her head and carries on, stumbling a bit on her words in her hurry to be heard, "I'm sorry I snapped at you, that wasn't really right of me. And I'm sorry for telling you to leave me alone. You caught me off guard, I hadn't considered how you-"

She stops, because Jason is staring at her in absolute confusion. She stops, because he's gone weirdly still. Well what the hell had she done this time. Hesitant, Tina says his name, hoping he'll stop just staring. Jason jerks, full-bodied, but continues looking like Tina's grown a second head or something equally horrific. Soft, aware that he could bolt and she'd never catch him, Tina asks him what's wrong.

"I dropped a porch roof on you once and you never looked at me like that," she tries for a light tone, giving a little smile, "So what'd I do this time? Was my apology that bad?"

This seems to alarm him and he shakes his head. A half shrug motion indicates that she was close to what he'd been surprised by. Alright, Tina can work with that. She asks if it was about her apology, since that seems most likely. Jason nods. He seems to have gotten over his shock, swinging his head back to look out over the lake while his jaw works, creaking quietly. For a moment, everything goes still. Everything is calm.

Did he not want her apology? Was she apologizing for the wrong things? God but trying to figure out what he means can be tiring. She hadn't expected that, when she'd wished for better, for more, communication between them. She definitely should have, that much is obvious in hindsight. Oh well, she's in too deep to bow out now, and if they can just get through this part, the hard part of figuring it all out, then it should get easier. Hopefully. Maybe.

Jason looks at Tina and catches her eye. He just holds her gaze for a moment, and Tina suddenly wishes she could see his face better, so she could read his expression, get a glimpse into his head for once. She doesn't dare ask him to remove the mask, if he wants it off he'll take it off. She’s already overstepped that boundary before, although she'd had good reason, not really wanting to see Nick's spine crushed. She didn’t and still doesn’t know if Jason would have killed Nick quickly, but based entirely on him going for the spine first, she guesses it would have been slow.

The distraction had worked, most importantly, had refocused Jason's rage onto her. And then she'd promptly sent him through the floor. She was a little proud of her actions that night, to be perfectly honest. It had been an awful, terrifying series of events, but she'd managed to win, she had controlled herself and she’d come out of it alive.

Jason shifts, pulling Tina from her thoughts as he turns to better face her. Movements jerky, so far from the smooth and even actions he usually portrays, Jason points at her. He shakes his head, and then- closes his eyes tight, like he's trying to remember something. His right hand curls to a fist, presses against his chest. His head tilts to the left slightly. He moves his hand in a rough circle.

Tina's pretty sure her jaw actually drops open.

What.

The.

Fuck.

Her mind buzzes with questions, and she has to stop herself from bursting into rapid interrogation, which she desperately wants to do. She can ask about Jason knowing at least some sign language later, right now she needs to listen to what he’s saying. Jason opens his eyes and nods, then more confidently repeats his gestures. A point to Tina, a shake of his head, a signed sorry.

"Are you saying... That I shouldn't be sorry? I shouldn't apologize?" she guesses. Jason brightens and nods, excited to be understood. Then he points firmly at himself and signs sorry again. Repeats it.

She squints at him, translating his motions, "...You're sorry? For- for my mom? Or something else?"

To this he nods twice. Yes to both, he's sorry about her mom and something else. Before she can ask what that is, he reaches up and brushes his hand over her shoulder, the same one he'd grabbed when he threw her down onto the dock shortly before she'd chained him back into the lake. He’s sorry for hurting her, and knowing Jason he probably doesn’t just mean the physical hurt.

(Her shoulder had bruised fiercely after his furious grab, but honestly she'd mostly forgotten it. There'd been no permanent damage, just an ache that eventually faded with the bruising.)

She grabs his hand before he can fully retreat, making him jump slightly. He seems surprised. It's a little funny, seeing surprise on him. Like hesitancy, it doesn’t quite fit right on him. It makes Tina a little sad, to know that most people won’t see this Jason.

Tina holds his hand in both of hers, feeling the strange texture of bone-meat-rot. It's odd, rough, so different from her own skin. He’s cold to the touch, and slightly damp still from being in the lake. She keeps hold of his hand as she says with a laugh, "I feel like we could be going in circles for hours over this, just apologizing to each other. I think maybe- maybe it's better to try and put it behind us."

But then she hesitates, for as much as she'd like to put it behind them, she knows she's not over what happened with her mom. So she sighs, "Well. Most of it anyway. I... I can't forgive you, for killing my mom. At least not yet. But I can acknowledge your feelings, and I appreciate your apology."

Jason nods slowly. He seems calmer now, pleased to be understood, glad he'd been able to tell her sorry. He squeezes her hands gently and leans in, bumping their foreheads together with a soft sigh. Tina feels abruptly like she might cry. He might be a furious soul, but he can be so gentle, it’s overwhelming. She refrains from bursting into tears, instead shifting to the side to lean against Jason, who watches her curiously but does nothing to stop her.

"I think I’d like to be your friend," Tina says softly, looking out over the water, "Instead of whatever this mess is. Although I guess friendship is also messy. I don’t know. Can we be friends, Jason? Is that okay?”

He squeezes her hands again and presses his mask to the top of her head, taking a deep breath. She'll take that as a yes, they can be friends. Tina breathes deep, feeling at peace, like a wound has been cleaned out and it’s finally healing. She watches the water ripple and the sun glint off it.

Somehow, she thinks they'll be alright.

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