Chapter Text
Rory stands in the bar staring at Logan and she hears Jess's voice on repeat in her head "What's going on?" and her own weak reply "I don't know." She sees the last few months as though they're a dream she's waking up from. Or a nightmare. She sees Logan shouting in front of her, his drunken rage turning him ugly. She is astounded by his reaction to Jess, by his blindness about his own privilege, but mostly astounded at herself - how did she get so wrapped up in this screaming man-boy that she lost herself?
Logan's voice finally breaks through her stupor.
"You want a change? Change it. But don't blame me! Don't you dare blame me! You know what? Why don't you just go off with John, Jack, whatever his name is?!"
And then it clicks, why wouldn't she? "You know what? You're right. We're done here. Goodbye Logan."
Rory grabs her purse and dashes outside after Jess. As she reaches the street she sees Jess's grimy black sedan still parked behind Logan's gleaming silver Porsche. She runs over to it and taps on the passenger window. Jess's head jerks up from where it was resting on the steering wheel, his eyes going wide as they meet hers. He reaches across the car to unlock the door, never taking his eyes off hers. As soon as the lock clicks Rory opens the door, gets in the car, and shuts it behind her.
"Rory what - "
"Can I get a ride?" Rory interrupts, trying to head off the need to explain herself.
"What happened? Where's the guy?" Jess looks genuinely baffled.
"We broke up. I'd really like to be gone when he comes out to his car." She gestures at the Porsche in front of them.
Jess stares at her for a moment, then smirks and turns the key in the ignition. "Want me to rearend him?"
Rory snorts half a laugh and shakes her head. "Nah. Let's just get out of here please?"
"Ok, I'm going." He pulls away from the curb and into traffic. After a couple blocks he glances at her. "Soo…where am I driving you? Want me to drop you at home?"
Rory laughs hollowly, holding back tears. "Home. I don't even know where that is anymore. Just…wherever you're going can I come with you? For now?"
Jess raises his brows in surprise. "Uh, yeah. Ok. We never did get dinner. How 'bout we eat something and then we can figure out what comes next."
"It's almost like you know me - when in doubt food." Rory tosses him the ghost of a smile.
"Or coffee." He adds.
"That too." She nods.
They drive through the college district in a meandering way, stealing covert glances at each other, until a sign catches Jess's eye. The silence between them is comfortable, familiar. He finds a place to park and leads her down the block to a tiny Indian restaurant. When they get to the door Rory turns to him, eyes shining.
"You remembered."
"It's no big deal." Jess smirks and shakes his head, then opens the door and gestures for her to go ahead of him into the restaurant.
Once they're situated in a dim corner, the table barely visible beneath a sea of plates, the conversation resumes as they dig in to the food.
"So, you gonna tell me what happened? One minute we're saying goodbye and the next thing I know you're banging on my door and telling me you broke up with Jerkface. I'm having a little trouble connecting those dots." Jess says, eyes focused on the samosas he's dishing up.
"I wasn't banging, I was knocking. Tapping. You're so sensitive." Rory teases, shaking her head.
"Rory." He grins, enjoying her humor but not letting her off the hook.
She sighs. "I don't know. I went back in there and I was telling him off for embarrassing me and being a jerk to you and he just started screaming at me about how if I was unhappy it was my own fault and…and then he said something actually kind of smart, though I know he was trying to be hurtful."
"What did he say?" He asks quietly.
"He said that if I wanted things to change I needed to change them myself. And that maybe I should go with you instead of staying there with him. So I did." Rory shrugs.
"So you're just here with me because your boyfriend told you to?" Jess's keeps his face carefully expressionless.
Rory shakes her head emphatically. "No. Really. I just…I couldn't stand there with him screaming at me anymore and I couldn't stop thinking about what you said…you were right. This isn't me. And more importantly, I don't want to be that person…"
"What person?"
"The person who is so focused on doing what they're supposed to do, what everybody expects them to do, that they never do what they want. That's what I've been doing for months…maybe longer actually." Rory shakes her head.
"Yeah…" Jess agrees gently. "So, what now?"
"Well Logan was right too, about one thing anyway. If I want things in my life to change I need to change them myself. Now I just need to figure out what I want to change." She tries to laugh but it comes out strange. Strained. "Every place I could go right now there's someone with an agenda for me…they all think they know what I should be doing with my life. My mom, my grandparents, Logan, even Paris. I think...I need to get away from all that for a while. Until I know what I want, until I have a plan."
"You do love a good plan."
"Yes I do. So…can I tag along with you for a bit? I won't get in the way, I can pay for myself, I just…please?" Rory stops herself from outright begging. Barely.
"Well… I've got a hotel room in Hartford for tonight. Nothing fancy. Tomorrow I leave town and start heading home, I have a couple more stops to make on the way back, should be in Philly in a few days. My schedule is pretty flexible and I guess you could tag along but…I can't promise to drive you back to Connecticut whenever you're ready for that. And my accommodations may not be up to your usual standard."
"I can figure out how to get myself back, there are trains and things. And I can entertain myself while you do your business stuff, I'll just get coffee and read or something." Rory dismisses any inconvenience with a wave of the hand.
"Most of my business stuff is going to bookstores, so you might want to tag along for that too." Jess smirks. "I do have a meeting in New York that I should do alone though."
"Ooh! Meeting in New York, that sounds exciting. Who are you meeting?" Rory's eyes light with curiosity.
"An author we want to sign to Truncheon. We've been talking with them already, just need to go over some final details and get all the paperwork signed." Jess explains nonchalantly.
"Wow. You're so professional now. I'm impressed."
Jess snorts and shakes his head. "Don't be. I'm still just me."
"I know that. I just mean…you grew up. You have a job, a career, responsibilities, you wrote an amazing book…you're doing things you can be proud of." Rory elaborates with sincerity.
"I told you, read the book before you get too jazzed about it. Earlier you said you hadn't read it yet."
"I lied." She looks down at the table.
"Really?" His brows lift in surprise.
Rory rolls her eyes. "I wasn't about to gush to my current boyfriend about how much I love my ex-boyfriend's book. Especially not when he was already being such an ass. I'm just glad he's not here, and not my boyfriend anymore."
"You read it." Jess meets her eyes directly.
Rory nods, grinning. "I read it. Last night, right after you left. I didn't sleep much."
Jess looks away, dishing up another helping of vindaloo. "And?"
"I love it, Jess. It's not a rip off of anything, it's just you. I could almost hear it in your voice, you know? Like when you used to read to me. But better because it's your words." She reaches a hand out to grab his. "I'm…I don't want this to sound patronizing but I am so proud of you."
"Huh. That's high praise, coming from you."
"I know one person's opinion doesn't really mean much - "
Jess squeezes her hand to stop a full on ramble. "Rory. If I was only going to get one opinion, yours is the one that matters."
"Oh. Well. Good." She gets caught up in his eyes and they end up just staring, holding hands across the plates of half eaten food. Until Rory comes back to herself, reclaims her hand and starts shuffling plates.
Jess clears his throat. "So, are you done eating?"
Rory nods. "Yeah, I think I've had enough."
"Ok, I'll get the check." Jess lifts a hand to signal the waiter.
"I can get it." She starts to protest.
He shakes his head. "I've been insulted enough for one night don't you think? Let me buy you dinner Rory."
"Fine. As long as you let me pay for dessert." She agrees with a stubborn set of her jaw.
"It's a deal." He nods.
Jess pays the check and leaves a generous tip. Then they walk the block back to Jess's car, arms and hands occasionally brushing against each other. When they're back in the car Jess turns the key and asks,
"So dessert? Where to?"
"There's a Ben & Jerry's downtown, head that way." Rory points out the correct direction.
"Ice cream?" He asks.
"In cones!" She answers. They share a smile of recognition as Jess once again pulls the car out into the flow of traffic.
****
After ice cream cones, eaten while walking around downtown Hartford, they drive toward the outskirts of town. Jess pulls into the parking lot of a Holiday Inn and parks before turning to Rory.
"I know it's not much. Are you sure you want to stay here?"
"Jess, my grandparents' house is fancy but I'm not fancy. Don't you know me better than that? I spent the first ten years of my life living in a garden shed!" Rory gets out of the car.
"I know. I just want to make sure this is ok for tonight." Jess follows her, gesturing at the hotel in front of them.
"It's fine. Really."
Jess nods and leads the way to a door on the ground floor. He takes a deep breath, then unlocks the door.
"Ok. This is my room here. Sorry about the mess. I've been here for a couple days already." He hurries inside, picking up his scattered belongings.
"Don't worry about it. Actually, do you have a t-shirt I can borrow? I didn't exactly pack for an overnight stay." She asks, placing one hand on his arm.
"Oh. Yeah, sure." He rummages in his duffel to find a clean shirt and hands it to her.
"Thanks. For all of this I mean, not just the shirt. I'm glad you came to see me." She takes the shirt and offers a smile.
"Me too. I mean, you're welcome. I…do you want the first turn in the bathroom?" He asks, kicking himself for fumbling his words.
"Yeah. Sure. I'll just…go change."
While Rory is in the bathroom Jess tries to calm himself down, his mind spinning at the turn the night has taken. Before long she exits the bathroom carrying her neatly folded clothes and wearing only his T-shirt. She finds Jess sitting on the foot of the bed with his own bundle of clothes.
"Your turn." Rory gestures behind her.
"Ok. I'll just be a minute."
Jess enters the bathroom, quickly shutting the door behind him. When he sees her bra and panties hanging up on the curtain rod his mouth goes dry. He finally manages to turn away, focusing on getting himself ready for bed and changing into his pajamas. He emerges clad in a t-shirt and plaid pajama pants.
Rory snorts at the sight. "Nice plaid."
"I'll give you one guess who gave them to me." Jess raises an eyebrow.
"He would. He's trying to pass his fashion sense on to you." She shakes her head in mock sadness.
"So far he hasn't given me anything I'd wear out of the house but for sleeping in…whatever." Jess shrugs and sits next to her on the edge of the bed, trying to ignore her long bare legs.
"Have you talked to him lately?" She asks.
"Yeah. He's the one who told me where to find you, remember?"
"Right. Yeah. How is he?"
"Well, you know Luke. He doesn't say much. It sounds like he misses you and he's worried, but otherwise he's ok. Reading between the lines I'd say your mom feels the same."
"I miss them too. I'm just not ready to face them yet. Mom can be… judgmental." Rory looks down at her lap where her fingers are nervously twisting.
"I remember." Jess says softly.
"And she doesn't listen very well when she's upset. If I don't know what I want I'll just end up going along with what she says so we can stop fighting. It's kind of a pattern."
"Yeah…" Jess stands, ready to change the subject to anything other than Lorelai Gilmore. "So, you ready for bed?"
"Oh. Sure." Rory seems surprised, but stands as well.
"I'll take the couch." Jess grabs a pillow off the bed and tries to walk past her.
"What? Jess, no. I can't kick you out of your bed." She puts out a hand to stop him.
"It's fine Rory. You've had a long day. I'll crash on the couch. I've slept in worse places." He stops in front of her, but doesn't change his mind.
"No Jess, I'll feel too guilty. If you really don't want to share the bed I'll take the couch."
"Share the bed?" Jess's eyes widen in surprise.
Rory shrugs. "Why not? I mean, if you really don't want to that's fine…"
"Rory, it's not that I don't want to share a bed with you." Jess steps closer and raises a hand to her cheek. "I just don't think I can without touching you."
She steps close enough that her body is flush with his and lifts her hands to his shoulders. "So touch me."
"I don't…I can't be your rebound, Rory." He shakes his head but doesn't move away.
"That's not what I mean. I just…I feel all mixed up, untethered, there's so much I don't know. I'm kind of a wreck. I get it if you don't want to be any more involved in that than you already are. But…the only thing I do feel sure of right now is you."
"Me?"
Rory nods and kisses him lightly.
Jess returns the kiss before pulling back enough to ask. "Are you forgetting that I lied to you? That I left you?"
She shakes her head. "No. I haven't forgotten. But you keep coming back. I don't think it's too presumptuous to say that you still care about me, at least a bit. And you're still you."
"Yeah."
"Did you leave because you didn't care about me anymore?"
"No!"
"Are you going to lie to me now?"
"No."
"Do you still want me?" Rory undulates against him.
"Of course I do. Are you sure about this?" Jess grits his teeth, focusing on self control.
"Yes." She kisses him again.
This time he really kisses her back, dropping the pillow and wrapping his arms around her waist. They are pressed close to each other, hands groping, tongues tangling urgently, when Jess feels something wet on his face where it brushes hers. He pulls back, keeping his arms around her and resting his forehead on hers.
"Hi."
"Hi."
"Rory. What's wrong?" Jess gently wipes at the tears on her cheek.
Rory shakes her head. "Nothing. It's just…I've missed you so much." With that admission the tears start streaming down her face.
"Hey, c'mere." He pulls her closer to rest her head on his chest. "I'm here now. I missed you too."
He holds her tight against his chest, one hand stroking her hair, while she soaks through his shirt with her tears. He feels a knot of guilt in his gut, knowing that his leaving has hurt her so much. Alongside that is a warmth around his heart that he gets to hold her like this again, that he can comfort her again. Once she seems to have stopped crying and draws a few slow shuddering breaths, Jess moves back a step to meet her eyes with his own, keeping his hands on her shoulders.
"Better?"
"Yeah. Sorry about that. I really am a wreck." She chuckles quietly and swipes at her face with the back of her hand.
"I don't mind. Let's go to bed." He gives her shoulder a squeeze.
Rory nods and walks around the side of the bed to pull down the covers before climbing in. "Jess I'm not saying no to…well anything. But for now, could you just hold me?"
"Yeah. Sure. Want me to read to you?" Jess strips off his wet shirt and grabs a book.
"Ooo, yes please!" She bounces on the bed like a giddy child.
Jess climbs into bed on the other side, using pillows to prop himself up against the headboard. Rory slides over to him, resting her head on his chest and wrapping one arm around his waist. Soon the rumble of his voice puts her to sleep. When he sees that she's out Jess sets the book aside on the nightstand and gingerly scoots down a little in the bed so as not to wake her. He falls asleep entwined with Rory and sleeps deeply.
He wakes in the pearly gray predawn light. The two of them are still cuddled up close but Rory has rolled over to face away from him, her head pillowed on his arm. He is curled around her, her back pressed against his chest and her bottom against a part of his anatomy that is very awake. He notices that the shirt she's wearing has ridden up in the night so in fact her bare ass is separated from his cock only by the thin flannel of his pajamas. Suddenly he is fully awake and somehow even harder. His breath catches in his throat when she starts wiggling her ass against him. Without moving anything else she says in a husky voice,
"Wake up ready do you?"
"With you here? Absolutely."
Jess leans forward and kisses from her shoulder up her neck to the sensitive spot behind her ear. Rory gasps as he sucks on the tender skin of her neck, then she rolls over to kiss him fiercely. Sliding one hand up into his hair and wrapping a leg over his hip.
Jess groans, wrapping an arm around to keep her close while his other hand slides from her hip up under her shirt.
He gently cups her breast, his fingers rough against her nipple, and she arches into him with a soft whimper. The sound is so familiar, so Rory that he is flooded with a wave of nostalgia and has to remind himself that he is not 18 and not dreaming - he really is here with her after all this time.
Rory pushes against him again, rolling them over until he's on his back and she's straddling him. She yanks the shirt over her head, tossing it on the floor, and grinds against him. Jess gasps at the feel of her so hot and wet, tantalizingly close yet separated from him by his pants. The sight of her above him - her hair tousled, lips swollen, nipples pink and tightly furled is too much. He groans as he reaches for her, pulling her down to nip at her breasts.
She whimpers again, louder, and rocks harder against his cock. His eyes nearly roll back in his head before something occurs to him.
"Rory, you're not…you've done this before right?" Jess's eyes are on hers, questioning.
"Yes. I'm not…I've had sex, Jess." She stills, then adds quietly, "I'm sorry."
"What? Why?" His hands slide from her breasts around to her back so he can hold her close.
"It wanted it to be you. My first time." Her eyes go soft and sad, the fingers of one hand playing with his hair.
"I know. Me too. But I didn't expect you to wait for me, Rory. You don't owe me an apology. Or anything else." He offers a small smile, brushing a stray lock of hair away from her face.
"I know. I just…" She trails off, shaking her head. She doesn't want to get distracted by the specifics of her sexual history right now.
"Hey, um…I didn't bring any condoms. Do you have something or do we need to restrain ourselves?" Jess asks, more practical concerns intruding now that they've paused.
"Oh! No, I don't have any. But…well I have an IUD. And I get tested regularly. And I've never…not used one before. So if you want to…" She raises her brows and rocks her pelvis against him again.
Jess sucks in a quick gasp, before breathing out, "You sure?"
Rory nods, "I trust you."
Jess lets out a throaty growl and kisses her hard. They get caught up in each other again - remembering the taste and feel of one another, the familiar fires of want burning in them both.
Jess rolls them back over, so she's on her back with him between her legs, and starts kissing his way down her body. They had done this only a couple times in highschool, having been very short on time and privacy, but he is overcome with the need to taste her again. He takes his time getting there though, paying special attention to her breasts and to the ticklish spot just below her ribs. She giggles and tugs his hair as she squawks his name.
"Jess!"
"Sorry." He grins up at her unrepentant, before returning to kissing his way down her belly.
By the time he reaches the soft curls covering her sex, she is writhing beneath him. Jess thinks he could get drunk just on the sound of her. Slowly, he parts her folds and slides his tongue along them up to her clit.
"Ooo, Jess." Rory moans, parting her legs further.
He draws a figure eight with his tongue a few times before sucking her clit gently into his mouth and sliding a finger inside her. Rory starts quivering, her breath coming in quick pants. He hums against her as he slides a second finger in and out, in and out, and feels her come undone. He eases her down from her orgasm then kisses her thighs before crawling back up to kiss her mouth.
"Jess, now. I want you inside me now." She whispers against his lips.
"Rory I - aaahhh…" Jess starts to answer, losing track when she reaches down to grasp his cock and guide him to her entrance. He slowly pushes into her, their eyes locked on each other. For a moment time stops - it is both an instant and an eternity while they stare at each other, feeling themselves connected completely.
Jess starts moving within her and Rory wraps her legs around his waist. Her fingers trace his spine and tangle in his hair, gripping tightly at the base of his skull the way he likes. Jess kisses down her neck and whispers endearments in her ear as they rock together. It's not long before Rory is clenching around him and calling his name, it pushes him over the edge too. Afterward they lay entangled, sweaty and panting.
"Wow." Rory breathes.
"Uh huh." He grunts back.
Once his breathing slows he lifts his head to kiss the tip of her nose. Then he pulls out, rolls off of her, and scoops her into him. She goes bonelessly, laying her head on his chest and wrapping an arm around his middle. There they stay quietly, comfortable and sated, both content to savor this moment.
The quiet is broken by the sound of Rory's tummy rumbling, followed by them both laughing at it.
"When in doubt, food. Sounds like it's time for breakfast." Jess chuckles.
"And coffee! Don't forget coffee." Rory sits up to grin at him.
"Never." Jess shakes his head, then brings her hand to his mouth and kisses it. "Let's grab a quick shower and then check out. There's a diner a few blocks away where we can eat."
"Is it any good?"
"It's no Luke's but it's alright. And it's close."
"Nowhere is as good as Luke's. Let's go!" Rory gets out of bed, dragging him up with her. As soon as Jess is on his feet he chases her into the bathroom, tickling and kissing her when he catches up.