Archive of Our Own

Soonyoung bats her eyes. She can't believe it– no, she really cannot believe it. She thought she'd gotten into a storm cloud, and that it all was over now, all hope lost, her dreams scattered like paper by the wind– but no.

This is real. It's the real thing.

At last, I found you, Soonyoung thinks, and she wants to scream and cry and jump with happiness. She wants to yell and tell all the world, It's real, it exists, the legendary castle, my mother was no liar.

She searches for the words in her head, but she cannot find one that comes quite close to the – warm feeling, the mix of relief and tension, exhaustion and excitement, happiness and– melancholy. It settles deep in her, and Soonyoung knows that she'll remember this moment until the end of her time:

The storm clouds flying away, giving way to a blue sky and a dream come true, here, in this sky – the castle in the sky: Laputa.

*

Soonyoung’s mother was a great woman, and when she was younger, Soonyoung often found herself sad that she didn’t get much time with her.

However, she remembers her stories – and among all of them, this one: the legendary castle in the sky.

Her mom had only seen it once, had only caught a sliver of it behind the clouds, but enough to bring back a photo of it.

Soonyoung has kept it framed in her home ever since.

*

Soonyoung opens her eyes again, and–

She's lying on a grassy field.

While she's fighting to stand up against the exhaustion wanting to pull her down, Soonyoung looks around. There's this field, with flowers dotted across the area– there are buildings; however, they're more ruins than anything. Soonyoung recognises pillars, but their structure and material is nothing like things you find on the ground. This is what her mother must’ve meant all the time, the thing that caused her eyes to sparkle so brightly – a world entirely different from what they know.

Soonyoung manages to stand up and catches sight of her aircraft in her peripheral vision. That's reassuring, to know that she has a way back. She walks over and finds her bag, with thankfully all of her things still inside, even if they're all mixed up and entangled. Soonyoung finds a rope and fixes the aircraft to one of the more stable-looking pillars.

She exhales. Now.

Soonyoung shoulders her bag and decides to start walking around. There's a building up ahead, with some sort of entrance. She feels like it's calling out to her in some way, drawing her close. It's weird, but Soonyoung's no stranger to the unusual. This is a legendary flying castle that she's on, after all.

She walks across a sideways pillar-turned-bridge, and it’s hard to resist the urge to look down. When she gives in and does, her breath hitches and her heart stops for an entire moment. There’s an infinite sea of blue. Here and there float some clouds, but Soonyoung imagines that whatever causes Laputa to float also keeps the clouds away. She’d always imagined that it’s some sort of current. Maybe a mysterious, spooky force.

As Soonyoung walks on, she comes across curious things. Tiny things, like unfamiliar animals. Yellow-striped squirrels, bright blue birds. Flowers that, upon closer inspection, are shaped entirely different from their counterparts on Earth. Nature itself has developed so much more here. Soonyoung’s got no clue why, but she is hoping to find out. Maybe there’s some sort of memorial plaque– or even someone still living here, to tell their story. Soonyoung wants to know. She needs to know. So she can prove to everyone that her mother was not crazy, that she is no fool for believing in Laputa – she’ll prove them all wrong.

But as far as Soonyoung can see, there are no signs of living humans. Plants have taken over instead, and nature’s tendrils extend toward every little inch, even into the space between the bricks making up the Laputa’s buildings. Maybe that is what holds them together, despite them being so weirdly-shaped – they seem much more like puzzle pieces than a stable foundation.

At some point, she arrives at what seems to be like an exterior garden, or a terrace. There are a few little ponds, and when Soonyoung peeks into the water, her breath is taken away – there is an entire other layer of the city, swallowed by water and time. Some fish are still living there, but even on the structures closest to the surface, Soonyoung recognises the marks of erosion.

It’s been a long time since Laputa’s been up in the sky, huh.

Suddenly there’s an unfamiliar noise. Not a chirp of a bird, not the toddling of a squirrel. It’s much more mechanical, in stark contrast to this abundance of nature. Soonyoung turns around and what she sees is– a robot. A simple, humble robot. Not quite human-shaped, but close enough, with long arms and a broad chest that proudly bears a red gem.

(This one, too, has faced time, she notices.)

The robot's tiny head whirs and two lamps blink in alternation. Then it makes another noise. Strangely enough, Soonyoung thinks it might indicate the robot is feeling pleased. Then it turns around and walks away.

Soonyoung debates if she should follow. But there’s not much else here, right? This robot – it must’ve been made by the people of Laputa. If there’s a hand that constructed it, there’s maybe still a hand that cares for it.

It might lead Soonyoung to another human. Another remnant. A witness of long lost history. It might just lead her to what she’s been searching for so long.

*

There aren't a lot of women who work in the mines. That is to say, there are barely any.

It's very frowned upon, especially by the other workers. Women have to stay home and cook and learn all the things they need to know to become good housewives in the future – is what they say.

Soonyoung never had a choice. She's been all alone in this world ever since she was six. And so she's been scoffing at her disapproving colleagues ever since.

What helps is that she's quite capable, and especially good with machines and tinkering. So after a few arduous years, most of the other workers have come to accept her as a vital part of the team. But Soonyoung feels it still, sometimes – silent scorn, gazes behind her back, whispered words of slander. She cannot change this. She can only hold onto herself and work harder. Herself is all she can live for.

(And a dream – a tiny little light, inherited and nurtured until Soonyoung had to tuck it away into a corner of her heart. But it never disappeared. It stayed with her all this time.

It kept her alive, too.)

So she works harder. Harder, harder and even harder. If no one else approves of her, it won’t matter. Soonyoung’s the only one who matters in her life. It sounds conceited, but Soonyoung has nothing else.

(And her dream – her stupid, foolish dream.)

*

Following the robot leads her through a world of wonders.

They enter a building, and in the next moment she’s inside an ancient forest. The trees are taller than any Soonyoung has ever seen; some of are reach the width of her own house. The bark is riddled with bits of moss and strange plants.

Tall grass tickles her thighs, just below her shorts, and Soonyoung strides ahead slowly, resolving to take everything in. Wherever she looks, there is something wondrous: a strangely-coloured plant, pieces of stone embedded in nature, a squirrel watching her from atop the big trees. And–

Soonyoung halts, her breath stopping for a good few seconds.

Everything is possible in every moment, her mom would always say. Both joy and despair, both misery and hope. What she sees is– what her eyes are seeing, that is– nothing short of a miracle. A miracle she’d hoped for. She hadn’t even realised that the robot had left her, and it brought back what Soonyoung thought to be long gone, all rotted out.

A survivor. A member of the ancient civilisation, lost to history.

The girl sits high atop the shoulders of the robot. She wears a simple, blue dress, decorated with small bits of lace at the edges of the sleeves and skirt. She wears no shoes – maybe because there aren’t any streets here that would hurt to walk on barefoot. Maybe she also lets herself be carried around, like a princess. Ah, wasn’t there a royal family in Laputa, is Soonyoung remembering that correctly?

Anyways, this one is regarding Soonyoung with a blank stare – it is not cold, and not welcoming either. Just– assessing what is in front of her. A little bit like the robot she’s sitting atop.

And still, Soonyoung finds herself drawn to her. Bound by that stare, pulled into her eyes. Into a deep dark brown, one that makes her feel content and breathless all the same. The girl’s got a strand of her hair braided, Soonyoung notices – it reaches down to the girl’s collarbones, adorned with little flowers in between. It looks beautiful in a way that is so familiar – like they’re not on a strange, old island that’s almost become a different world over the course of time. Like they’re just two girls, meeting on Earth, bound by its gravity and wind.

The girl tilts her head, and Soonyoung still feels like she can't breathe.

The robot's eyes flash, red and then white and red again, like some sort of scanner – Soonyoung thinks to grab the gun in her bag for a split second, but then the scanner stops, and the robot makes a small sound. It turns around, leaving her behind without words.

Soonyoung is left staring at its retreating figure.

The girl's hair sways in the wind, the light breeze. Beautiful scenery, Soonyoung thinks.

She wants to reach out. Wants to ask all the thousand questions that weigh upon her mind. But should she reach out? Should she just ask away? Should Soonyoung just–

"–Hey!"

Soonyoung exhales. Her heart beats faster than ever before, it feels like it's going to jump right out of her chest. She balls her hands into fists, as though clutching the air itself.

The robot does not stop. It moves on, completely uninhibited, as if it (and the girl) didn't hear Soonyoung at all.

*

Soonyoung sighs. Maybe that's how it's supposed to be. That full miracles are a thing of impossibility. That things should just always be a little out of grasp, just within your reach, yet too far away.

She's already made it to Laputa. But she has no clue what to do here. The walls do not speak to her, tell nothing of the long history. They pose questions and don't answer them.

Aside from nature, there's only the girl.

But she had ignored Soonyoung, had said not one word – maybe she was an illusion altogether. Soonyoung's despair singing a sweet melody.

She crouches down, goes to touch a flower in front of her. It's warm, the petals are textured yet soft – this flower is undoubtedly real. Proof that Soonyoung is here, right here, at this moment.

She closes her eyes. Takes in everything that she cannot see – the smell of the grass, the touch of the breeze, a sound of serenity. It's not a dream.

(Unlike that girl… she thinks.)

"Hello."

Soonyoung turns around, blinking against sunlight. A massive figure stands before her, the details of it obscured by the play of light and shadow. Soonyoung blinks a few more times, and when she finally recognises the Laputanian girl, she stumbles a few feet back. "Hey, what–"

She tilts her head. The robot does its scanning thing again, eyes blinking red and black. Soonyoung stares up at its head, swallowing thickly. The robot makes a joyful sound and turns its head to face the girl, as though it were awaiting her command.

But the girl just looks at Soonyoung, for a long time. The world stands still around them.

(Soonyoung sees nothing. Smells nothing. Feels nothing, hears nothing, tastes nothing. There's only this girl, right now. Everything else is empty, meaningless.)

The girl opens her mouth, and Soonyoung braces herself for whatever she may say, however she might judge Soonyoung.

"What do you want here?"

Soonyoung's eyes feel dry. She's forgetting to blink. The girl does not wait for her answer. She goes on, "Are your intentions evil in nature?"

"...What?"

Soonyoung feels a bit dumbfounded. In these few seconds, the girl had spoken much more than Soonyoung would've ever expected her to.

(To be perfectly honest, she'd never expected for her to even look at Soonyoung. She'd expected to be rejected, left alone in the cold, because dreams should never come true.

Is she a dream? Soonyoung's never met anyone like her.)

She's still looking at Soonyoung. The question remains in her eyes, in that deep dark brown, waiting for Soonyoung's words. The robot stares at her, too, and Soonyoung wonders if its eyes would echo the girl's sentiment, were it capable of feeling.

"...No," she slowly says. It's true – she only wants to see. To investigate. To prove that dreams can come true, and that everyone else lied to her. She tells the girl something to that effect: "I just want to visit Laputa."

The girl looks at her. Her brows furrow a little, and her lips curve in a different way. A way that is… a bit more inviting, a bit more kind. And yet a full enigma.

While Soonyoung's been thinking, the girl has already turned around. And she looks over her shoulder, as though waiting for an answer that Soonyoung cannot give. And she says: "Follow me."

*

They walk back inside, back into the inner garden. Past nests and puddles of flowers and the entire abundance of life. Soonyoung's gaze gets caught here and there but eventually, they pass by everything.

The girl stops at the foot of a great tree.

It's familiar to Soonyoung – it was close to where they first met earlier today. The tree towers over them, like the monument of a great nation. And, actually– the girl beckons her to come closer. She indicates with her hand, Look here.

The trunk is completely surrounded by sleeping robots. No, dead robots. They've long since been overgrown by moss and ranks, almost becoming part of nature, of the tree. A flower blooms in the eye of one of them. Like this, it looks completely harmless, a gentle soul.

"What're you… what is this?" Soonyoung asks, turning back to the girl. Her eyes are clouded over by some emotion Soonyoung can't exactly decipher. Is she trying to figure Soonyoung out? Does she not trust her?

The girl makes a gesture with her hand, so Soonyoung returns to her side. And then she looks down.

A memorial plaque is embedded both into the ground and the bark of the tree; it's made out of… stone? No, it has to be some sort of metal, judging by how the light bounces off of the plaque. The inscription must be Laputa's ancient language, because Soonyoung cannot read it at all. The girl seems deep in thought, looking at this.

The silence that hangs between them – it feels sacred, sort of. Something precious, something that would shatter only with a screech.

Maybe this is a grave.

Before Soonyoung can open her mouth, something rustles. She turns around, and– oh, it's just another robot. It walks intently towards them – towards the maybe-a-grave. Both Soonyoung and the girl move aside. The robot stops between them and bows down, extending out a hand–

–and it lays down a flower. A tiny, fragile, pink flower.

The girl mumbles something, and Soonyoung thinks it's maybe a thank you. And she folds her hands together like a prayer.

"...What is this place?" Soonyoung finally asks. She is faced with silence. The girl does not move – she's frozen like a statue, one moment carved into eternal form. Soonyoung sighs, resigning to the fact that the girl won't speak to her – maybe she speaks a different language – but then there's a rustle.

The girl's looking at her. And then she moves her mouth.

"Here lies the memory of Laputa."

–Her voice is soft. Gentle like a spring breeze, like a blanket of warm sunshine. It wraps itself around Soonyoung, sneaks into her ears and becomes a melody.

She blinks. "What's your name?"

…The girl stares at her. Face unchanged, save for her widened eyes. She seems hesitant, very much taken aback. Soonyoung doesn't expect her to answer. They– they're strangers. There's no need for her to trust Soonyoung. And who knows what she's seen, what she experienced, living here on Laputa.

(Giving your name symbolises trust. Soonyoung knows that.)

"Jihoon," the girl says, "you can call me Jihoon."

Now Soonyoung's the one taken aback. How should she interpret it? Is it a lie? A fake name? Does the girl actually trust her? Does she not know the value of trust?

(...Trust is a transaction.)

She decides to smile at the girl. "You can call me Soonyoung, then."

*

(Jihoon looks at Soonyoung, her face a mystery. Then she looks back to the plaque. It must have great importance to her, Soonyoung reasons. No, it's obvious – these are her ancestors. Maybe they're buried here.

Given back to nature, returned to the Earth they came from.

She wonders. Jihoon asked her this earlier: What do you want from Laputa. And Soonyoung– with how Jihoon spoke, she must be very wary of her. It's understandable. But Soonyoung can't help but want to ask, the question fighting its way up to the tip of her tongue, breaking through all restraints.

"You asked me earlier what I want here," Soonyoung presses out. She's a little nervous. Jihoon's gaze is piercing. "So I ask you the same."

Jihoon turns her gaze away. Silence hangs heavy over them, like a sky that is way too sunny for the occasion. Jihoon seems lost in thought, her eyebrows furrowing a little. This– her reason for being here, it might be hard to put into words. There are just some things words cannot express.

"I have to save this land," Jihoon finally says.)

*

Soonyoung's pretty sure she doesn't know what love is.

The first instance of love in someone's life is, ideally, the touch of their parents. A warm finger, a gentle smile. Affection and warmth. And the second instance of love – it's the same thing, but wrapped in a different paper. Romantic love, that's– that is–

"It's more of a longing," Junhui says. She thinks for a second, shifting on her feet. "There's something missing, and you know this other person is able to give it to you. So you chase them."

"Or don't," Wonwoo injects, stopping by the two of them. She’s coming from work now – the workers do all share their breaks, but Wonwoo was out working in a different part of the mines today, so she had a longer way to their usual meeting spot. Her hands are still dirty from handling coal and ore.

"Yes, that happens when people are cowards," Junhui says, and there's a bit of a biting undertone to her words. They all know what she means.

"I don't think I've ever felt it before. Romantic love, I mean," Soonyoung says. She stops for a second, still chasing the end of her train of thought. "Maybe it's 'cuz I've never gotten out of this place. Never seen much more than scrawny, dirty men."

"Who knows," Junhui says, shrugging, "maybe you're a scrawny-dirty-men-enjoyer."

"Nah, don't think so," Soonyoung says, looking towards the other groups of workers, sharing jest and drink. "I think I've seen too many of them."

"Do you believe your luck lies outside of this place, entirely out of reach?" Wonwoo asks, ever so slightly lifting her eyebrows.

Soonyoung shrugs. She knows, or maybe she doesn't. "It's like with Laputa–"

"Shhhhh," Junhui says, putting a finger near Soonyoung's lips. "What did we say about Laputa talk?" She puts her hands on her hips, and her lips form a thin line. She's not angry, Soonyoung knows that, but she still feels scolded. Vile laughter echoes in her ears – a memory she can't forget.

("Laputa? Are you insane, stupid or both?" – "She's her mother's daughter! All the women of that family are crazy!")

Soonyoung stares at Junhui. She hates when Junhui looks at her like this. Wonwoo is quiet, gaze turned away.

"...Yes, I remember," Soonyoung says, willing herself to not frown. "'Do not ruminate on impossible things; stay in reality.'"

Junhui nods, a smile returning to her face. But before Soonyoung can say anything, the big bronze bell rings, indicating that their break is over.

Wonwoo sighs, stretching her arms. "It's over as soon as it begins…"

In her peripheral view, Soonyoung sees Junhui shrug, an expression like Let's the day get over and done with on her face.

(Soonyoung remembers. She remembers. No one understands. None of them have met her mother in the flesh, have seen the framed, real picture of Laputa– none of them know what it's like to have a dream.

What it's like to have a dream, and nothing else.

–She cannot give up. She cannot give up. That's why she has to keep going. To prove everyone wrong, and make them realise – they were wrong to doubt her. Well? It's so hypocritical. They told her that people live off of dreams, and now they tell her that she should let her dream go.

And maybe Soonyoung is insane. Maybe she's been beaten down by life and now hanging on by a thread that is an impossible dream. But that's all she has. And so, she will never–)

*

…They're lying in a field. Not exactly next to each other, but close enough that their shoulders almost touch.

The sky is beautiful. There were barely any clouds up here to begin with, but still, seeing this bright, blue sky– Soonyoung rarely ever gets to see it. She works from morning to night until her hands are splintered and dirty, in a place where the sky is far, far away.

(Far away, so far away… She's far away from it all now.)

There's a tap on Soonypung's shoulder, and she turns her face to directly stare into Jihoon's eyes. "I have to do this because it is the will imparted to me. Not like my family was royalty or anything, but my ancestors– Laputa was precious to them."

"Huh?" Soonyoung blinks.

"You asked me why," Jihoon says, "which I found pretty unreasonable, to be honest–" She turns her face away, puts her hands under her head – "I mean, why do you want to visit Laputa?"

Soonyoung doesn't answer. She's got her eyes closed, focused on the sound of Jihoon's voice. She cannot understand why she keeps getting pulled towards such a minor thing. But Jihoon, she sounds… melodic. Like every word is part of a tune, a melody in making. Oh, what she'd give to hear Jihoon sing even just once.

"Laputa's just a wreck. It's been destroyed, reclaimed by a force greater than all of us," Jihoon says.

When Soonyoung glances at her from her peripheral vision, she's got her eyes pinned to the sky, possibly tracing the movements of some invisible force. A butterfly comes into view, and Soonyoung thinks– It's full of life, this place. It's been kept alive all those years.

"Maybe that's why it's so charming to me," Soonyoung muses. She contemplates her words for a moment. "A place devoid of – humans, or so I thought, a floating ruin, a fragment of time. I wanted to see the remnant of a far-away history, I guess."

Jihoon hums, and then she is quiet. Birds chirp somewhere around them. Grass rustles, the footsteps of tiny animals reach Soonyoung's ear. No, it is not quiet at all.

And then Soonyoung wonders.

"How come you're still trying to 'save' this place if it's just…" Soonyoung doesn't want to call it hopeless, but that's just really what it is, isn't it? Before she can find a better word, though, Jihoon starts speaking.

"Because I have hope."

Soonyoung doesn't know what to say to that.

Jihoon notices her bafflement, and a tiny grin passes over her face. She sits up and gestures at their surroundings, "Look, there's hope everywhere around here. In the grass, in the sky, in the tiny spaces between the buildings' bricks – it's all full of life. And as long as life is here, I won't give up. Having this goal, and having hope, it's just–" She turns around quickly, and Soonyoung's eyes widen. Jihoon's face is so close, now.

She smiles at Soonyoung, eyes curving like crescents. "I'm sure you understand."

Soonyoung thinks about it. She thinks about flowers in the colour of a rainbow, about strange animals with stripes, about a mighty, rusty robot who picks fresh flowers for a forgotten grave. She thinks about the robots overgrown by the roots of the tree, about the fish swimming in and out of the underwater ruins, she thinks about–

–thinks about Jihoon. About the way her lips are curving with delight right now, awaiting her answer, awaiting confirmation for her hypothesis. Soonyoung thinks about the way the dress hugs her body, the way her hair frames her face, some strands of hair kept in a braid that's coming loose now. A flower drops out of it and falls onto Soonyoung's face. Jihoon laughs, and it's like the songs Soonyoung's mother used to sing.

(She thinks about the picture her mother took, the picture that she framed and put down next to the chimney.)

She takes the flower off her cheek and puts it back into Jihoon's braid, with care so that it won't fall off again. And she has her answer now. "Of course I understand."

*

(There's a feeling Soonyoung's always had. Deep at the bottom of her heart, behind doors of forgotten memories and suppressed feelings, there is that thing – it has always been there. Especially since her parents died.

It's more familiar to her than anything else in this world. Like the shape of her fingernails, the way her mouth curves or the uneven parts of her skin – as though she'd been born with it.

But she cannot find words for it.

It's more than longing, it's less than a need. Something vague, something in-between, something that blurs all lines.

And now – she feels it stronger than ever.)

*

It's a lie. It's a lie.

Soonyoung knows it. She knows, and she still lied. To Jihoon's face, to her smile, bright despite being in the shadows. Why did she lie? Because she didn't want to embarrass herself? Because she didn't want to see Jihoon frown? Because she didn't want to be–

"Soonyoung."

They're walking through a dark corridor. Jihoon's face is obscured, but Soonyoung hopes that she doesn't look puzzled. That Soonyoung wouldn't have to lie again, about what's on her mind.

"Are you alright?"

–Soonyoung nods quickly.

She doesn't know where they're going. Jihoon had said something about a secret of Laputa or the core. Soonyoung had no clue, but she went to follow Jihoon anyway. And it proved to have been a good choice: she'd seen walls disappear and strange floating blocks. Even now, when she runs her fingers over the walls, she can feel carvings in the stone, mysterious, unfamiliar patterns.

"We're almost there," Jihoon says, stopping in front of a veil of vines. Or roots? Jihoon pushes them aside with relative ease while Soonyoung watches. And once Jihoon's dug through all of them, her face is bathed in a beautiful light.

They're in some sort of a chamber – it's overgrown with grass and the like, but blue light still emits from the centre of the room. Jihoon walks towards it, Soonyoung close on her heels, and together they push through the greenery.

"This," Jihoon says, "is the core of Laputa's power."

It's a giant, floating gem. Turquoise-bluish in colour, it's the source of that strange, pretty light. "It's what makes Laputa able to float," Jihoon explains, but it's somewhere far away in Soonyoung's head.

This is the secret of Laputa. This is it. The source of its power. It's been there all along, Soonyoung thinks, remembering the gems embedded into the robots' chests. It's all there, like the plants reaching overwhere, like the roots of the trees that made their way all down here. Like arteries. If she were to–

She looks to Jihoon. Stop that thought. Jihoon's staring right back at her. There's some light glowing in her eyes – maybe it's the crystal, maybe it's something else. "Is something the matter, Soonyoung? If you want, I can show you– I need to go there anyway, in order to–"

And she drifts from there.

(Why, why, why. I cannot understand why.

Jihoon's pretty, Jihoon's beautiful – Jihoon is a fool. She's wasting her time here. Trying to save something that's long, long lost. Laputa cannot be saved. It's been long taken from humanity's hand. And there's nothing Jihoon can do about it, so why, why does she– why is there still hope in her eyes?

What can she see that Soonyoung cannot? Really, she would give so much in order to be able to be hopeful like Jihoon is. Because then Soonyoung would've never had to go on this search. She would've never had to go far away, far away to Laputa. She could've done it herself, and not have to travel to the ends of earth and sky to find someone who'll save her.

If she just could know how to hope.)

She looks Jihoon dead in the eyes, and lies again. "Everything's fine, thank you. Let's go back to the surface again."

Jihoon tilts her head again, eventually nodding, and it hurts. God, it hurts.

But it's not that bad. It's not worse than the pain inside of Soonyoung – the pain that's winding itself around her limbs like a tight rope, the one making her think thoughts she'd never dare speak out loud–

–the one that's burning, like a wildfire waiting to escape confinement.

*

May the world burn. May the entire world burn.

Soonyoung doesn't even know anymore. She only knows a pain like fire, too much salt on her open wounds.

So this is how she deals with it: she gets her backpack, finds her two boxes of matches and the bottle of sanitiser. Then she spreads it out nicely at the bottom of the great trees near the supposed grave, making sure to not miss one core spot.

Then Soonyoung lights the matches and watches the world burn.

She watches flames lick at the grass. The bark, the birds' nests, the flowers at the grave. It all burns down, burns down fast, turning black and crumbling to return to the Earth. She wonders if the robots will burn well.

It doesn't matter, though. Her tears do not matter. Why is she crying anyways?

It hurts, so Soonyoung turns her back to the flames and leaves for where she thinks the exit is.

*

“I have a country to save,” Jihoon says.

There’s truth to her words, Soonyoung can hear that. She’s heard enough lies to tell. And she can also tell that there’s… something else. Something pressing down on Jihoon’s words. A secret, perhaps. Things she’d never tell Soonyoung about, and that’s… okay.

Soonyoung looks around. The wind tickles her face. Blades of grass wrap themselves around her feet, and then move away again. A robot stares at her from afar – there could never be any real warmth in its gaze, but somehow Soonyoung can’t imagine it without it.

This is what Jihoon means, and so much more that Soonyoung doesn’t know about, that Soonyoung will never be able to grasp in all its nuances.

Soonyoung chooses to nod, despite how she knows she’s truly feeling. She’s about to say it – I will leave, and I will never come back. A promise she knows she couldn’t ever keep. Soonyoung thinks about it, imagines it – and her mind protests. It’s the truth. She cannot go back.

“I think it’s admirable,” she finally says, choosing to look down at the movement of the grass. Their gazes feel heavy – Jihoon’s, and that of the robot. “This place is your everything, and that’s why you can give your all for it. And I–”

Her voice hitches. Her body’s refusing to finish the sentence. There’s no reaction from Jihoon either. Soonyoung doesn’t have it in her to look up, to face her. She’s afraid that what she might see could scar her forever. One wrong word, and she’s off the cliff. Because–

She can’t say it.

It’s her truth. The thing that presses down on all her words. The truth she’d know all along, ever since she first set foot on Laputa. No, that’s a lie – even before making the choice to depart on this suicidal search.

The truth wrangles itself out of her eyes, burns down her cheeks and drops on the ground like bits of gravel.

The truth, it is pain.

(…And once she's said it, it's already too late. The flames are rearing their hungry heads, and Jihoon's already gone.)

*

Nothing is properly registering in Soonyoung’s brain. It’s all a giant blur. She tries to focus on at least one thing, one small thing, a point of orientation – that's a place to start at. Okay.

The grass is burning. Charred tips glow bright red, orange and yellow. And suddenly Soonyoung’s throat closes up all the way. There’s smoke. Smoke obscuring her sight; smoke taking away the air. It spreads and spreads, just like the fire, covers grass and trees and everything. It takes and takes and Soonyoung’s forced to remember the feeling she’s locked away deep inside her heart.

But then her eyes catch one more thing. Not a small thing, but a– the most important thing.

It’s Jihoon, and she is crying. Maybe it’s the smoke, who knows. Soonyoung wants to move to comfort her, but Jihoon, seemingly able to read her intent, just shakes her head. And then Soonyoung realises how distraught she looks. An ugly mix of desolate and despair. No, it doesn’t suit her. Jihoon shouldn’t have to make such a face. Why is she–

"Why?" Jihoon says. "Just why?" It stands in the room, hangs in the air like an accusation that’s also a curse. And Soonyoung’s throat just keeps feeling drier. More smoke, more smoke. Why won’t it stop? When will it ever stop? Who’s harming Jihoon this much again?

"Soonyoung!"

Jihoon’s voice is cracking. Soonyoung’s never heard her sound this– like this. There are so many tears streaming down her face. It’s as though the very act of speaking causes her immense pain.

"Soonoyoung, just please," Jihoon says, begging, "just tell me why you did this? Why did you hurt us – destroy us – when– when I said to you– just tell me, Soonyoung!"

And this is where Soonyoung remembers. A feeling locked behind seven iron doors, a secret protected with her life. A truth she’s desperate to hide. So desperate, that she–

She did this.

*

"Nature's a part of Laputa now! Why did you– why did you destroy everything?"

Jihoon's screaming now. Her voice sounds– it's a plethora of sounds, amplified screams and ugly scratches. It hurts to hear, and Soonyoung feels compelled to cover her ears, but somehow she just cannot move.

Jihoon's grabbing her by the collar now. Her face is so close, and Soonyoung can see every single detail of anger on it. A scrunched-up nose, furrowed eyebrows, the harsh edge of her mouth. Fire in her eyes – a different fire; different from Soonyoung's pain.

"There was hope! I thought you understood!"

…Ah, maybe that's where it went wrong.

One lie to Jihoon, ten lies to herself. I understand you, of course I do. I understand her, why shouldn't I?

They could've never understood each other. Jihoon's always known her goal, and Soonyoung was lost – Jihoon had something to save, Soonyoung wanted to be saved. Soonyoung had searched for hope, Jihoon showed it to her and she still couldn't understand – ah, it's all too bad. It was doomed from the beginning.

She shakes her head. "I cannot say that I'm sorry, can I? Look, you're so… furious–" beautiful – "and you should be."

Soonyoung looks her in the eye. Tears are running down Jihoon's face, over reddened cheeks and teeth biting down on her lower lip. Her braid has come almost fully loose, at the bottom especially, and there's nothing left of the flowers but dust.

"I lied. I couldn't understand. I still can't understand. And maybe that's why –" Soonyoung looks around. The body of Laputa, the arteries of nature, they're arteries of fire now. Burning pain, inflicted upon the innocent.

"Jihoon," she says, "I'm a terrible person. I lack the hope that you treasure."

An indescribable look passes over Jihoon's face. It's anger, grief, despair, a bit of joy – every single emotion a human could ever experience. There's just an absence of…hope.

That makes it feel incomplete, somehow.

And when Soonyoung's realized that, she's already been pushed over the cliff.

*

Soonyoung falls, falls free off the castle of fantasy. There are her dreams, scattering in the wind like paper. Scorched paper, still burning at the edges.

She sees Jihoon's face as she falls. Contorted, marked by pain and betrayal. She has every right to feel like this. Soonyoung did – she did hurt her, after all.

Does she regret it? Yes, that she really does.

(But would it have turned out any different? No, Soonyoung doesn't think that it would've. Because it's her that came here, her that met Jihoon – because she's always been a little hopeless.)