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10.
This is how it begins.
That day, Nagito is playing fetch with Yon in the park next to his home, running happily after his dog and laughing every time he brings the stick back to him.
One second, Yon’s fluffy fur is tickling his face as he hugs him, and the next, Nagito hears a loud screeching sound, his dog nowhere to be seen.
He steps toward the crowd of people forming on the side of the road, his legs shaking, to try and see what they are all looking at, only to be met with a sight that freezes the blood in his veins.
His dog is lying on the ground, unmoving and dirty. There’s a car next to Yon, its front stained with something dark. Nagito screams Yon’s name as he runs toward him, eyes blurring. He scratches his knees when he falls to the ground next to Yon, but he doesn’t care, doesn’t even register the pain. He wraps his arms around him and buries his head in his white fur, and there’s something hot and viscous against his skin, but it doesn’t matter. He’s crying so hard he can barely breathe, violent sobs shaking his whole body. A hand grabs his arm, and it tugs at him to try and separate him from Yon, but he doesn’t want to leave him, he wants to stay with Yon, he doesn’t want to—
The person pulling his arm manages to wrench him away from Yon, and Nagito screams. He feels the man pick him up and walk away, saying that he shouldn’t be seeing this, and Nagito is still crying, kicking his feet and thrashing about as hot tears run down his cheeks.
But even through his tears, all he can do is stare at Yon’s bloody corpse lying there, a gruesome picture that would haunt his dreams for years to come.
9.
Nagito often sees the other kids at his school hug their mothers when they come to pick them up, and he can’t help but wonder how that would feel. Sometimes he thinks about asking his parents for a hug, but he doesn’t want to bother them. They’re always busy, but they took him to the amusement park that one time, and they even agreed to get Yon when he begged for a dog, so he shouldn’t complain or ask for too much.
Which is why Nagito had been ecstatic when his parents had told him he would be accompanying them for their business trip. But he should have known better.
He hadn’t thought much of it at first, thinking that he was clumsy or particularly unfortunate, but he understands now. The accident with Yon had only been the beginning, or maybe he just never noticed before.
Nagito is cursed. Or, more precisely, he’s lucky. But for every stroke of luck he has, something equally unlucky needs to happen. He wasn’t totally certain before, but as he stares at the scene unfolding before his eyes, he’s sure of it.
He can only watch as the meteorite strikes the plane, decapitating the hijacker before hitting his parents.
In the blink of an eye, his parents are dead, their bodies getting trampled by the panicked crowd trying to leave the airplane in a hurry. Nagito will never be able to forget the sickening smell of burning flesh.
And later, as he expects, things get balanced out when he obtains an immense inheritance.
He’s lucky he didn’t get hit with the meteorite, according to the medics. “It's a miracle,” they say. Nagito doesn’t know if he agrees.
But maybe… maybe they are right. Maybe it really was good luck all along.
8.
Even if he’s getting used to unusual things happening to him, Nagito is still surprised when he gets kidnapped.
He doesn’t worry too much though, because he knows good luck awaits him after something like this. He gets roughed up a bit and threatened, the man yelling in his face and asking why he isn’t more distressed. Nagito figures the man gets tired of him—understandable—because he ends up getting rid of him by throwing him in a trash bag.
He goes to school like nothing happened the next day, and no one says anything, not even the teachers. He didn’t expect much, but it still stings a little. He doesn’t know if they’re not aware of what happened, if they’re tired of him showing up to school injured all the time, or if they simply don’t care. None of these possibilities would surprise him.
Actually, maybe it’s better this way. The last time someone asked about the sling on his arm, he explained how a bag full of gemstones flew through his window, hit his head and made him fall down the stairs, and his entire class called him a liar.
He’s used to his classmates saying stuff about him and calling him names, but being ignored at least allows him to read in peace. Having a friend would be nice, probably, but he can’t risk putting someone in danger, and no one would be interested in being friends with someone like him anyway.
Out of boredom, Nagito still checks the number of the lottery ticket he found in the trash bag his kidnapper stuffed him in, only to discover that he’s won 300 million yen.
He stares at his ticket, amazed, and thinks, what a splendid act of good luck.
7.
Nagito gets his diagnosis a month after starting high school.
He doesn’t care all that much about the fact that he’s dying, honestly. He’s tired of spending all his time at the hospital, he doesn’t like being in pain too much, and he knows the final stages of his diseases don’t exactly look pleasant, but the act of dying in itself isn’t too worrisome to him. It would finally put an end to this infernal luck cycle, at least. Maybe he would even get to see Yon again, that would be quite lucky.
Ha, lucky.
Because he doesn’t have any other relatives, it makes sense that his luck took direct action against him. According to his doctors, he won’t even get to graduate high school. Which is fine. However… being alone all the time is one thing, but dying alone sounds so lonely… It would be nice to have someone with him, at least.
But, well, that isn't going to happen, so no need to indulge in his little fantasy.
The acceptance letter from Hope’s Peak Academy comes a couple of weeks later. He’s surprised, obviously, but he probably shouldn’t be. He knew a huge amount of good luck would come his way. Of course, he tries to refuse at first. He’s not worthy of wearing Hope’s Peak’s uniform, of walking down its hallways—as if he could belong in such a hopeful place. As if trash like him could even stand among Ultimates and share that title with them.
But the academy is adamant; they want to study his luck, and who is he to prevent them from spreading hope? If anything, it only solidifies his admiration for them; Hope’s Peak Academy really is amazing for being able to research something as vague as “luck.”
Nagito accepts the offer.
6.
It happens at the hospital, in his doctor’s office.
That night, alone in his bed, Nagito cries for the first time in years. He knows he shouldn't complain, he doesn't have the right to, because this is just what happens to worthless trash like him, but thinking back on what happened makes him feel so disgusting he wants to crawl out of his own skin and die.
He knows he’s always been filthy and revolting, he knows, but it feels like he left something putrid in him that he'll never be able to get out and that is slowly making his insides rot.
He thinks back on the touches, the lingering gazes, the unnecessary comments. Maybe he should have expected it, but he never thought something like that would happen to him. His body is disgusting, vile, repulsive, and he never imagined that someone could want him like this.
The next day, he gets hit by a car and breaks all three bones in his right arm. The hospital calls later that day to inform him that his doctor died from a heart attack, and the relief flooding through Nagito makes him want to throw up.
5.
He thought things would change drastically at Hope's Peak, but they’re still the same, mostly. He’s still alone, and people still call him names. This is fine, it’s normal for trash like him to be treated like what he is. He doesn’t want to impose his presence on his amazing classmates, but he thought maybe he would be able to connect with the Ultimates through talent.
But he should have known better. Nagito isn’t worth anything, isn’t even supposed to be here or to be called an Ultimate, so it’s unsurprising they don’t want to discuss and talk about the wonders of hope with a talentless nobody like him.
The hope they carry is beautiful. Witnessing it being born from their talents firsthand is everything he's ever wanted and more. They transpire hope, they breathe and embody it, and Nagito can do nothing but observe and encourage them from the backline. He doesn’t want to tarnish them with his disgusting self, after all.
As much as he admires their talents, Nagito has to admit most of his classmates are a little strange. Some of them, annoying, even. He finds the way Hanamura looks at and talks about the girls distasteful, and he dislikes it when Souda calls him crazy. Of course, he would never say anything or express his irritation—he’s already to blame for being such an eyesore to the Ultimates.
So, things are mostly the same, but they did change a bit. Here, no one tries to steal his stuff, or spread any weird rumors about him, which is quite nice. Some of his classmates even initiate conversation with him sometimes, like Sonia or Nanami.
His luck can barely be called a talent, but it allowed an average and ordinary student like him to attend Hope’s Peak Academy, and he’ll always be grateful for that.
4.
Nagito never thought much about the Reserve Course students.
There is nothing to think about, really. They're boring, uninteresting, and insignificant. Only useful if willing to serve as stepping stones for hope. Nagito isn’t that different from them, but he at least knows his place.
Unlike Hinata Hajime, who is too stupid to understand that he doesn’t have any business hanging out with Ultimates. Hinata Hajime is an unimportant cog in a system geared at achieving hope. Hinata Hajime is nothing.
And yet, every time he lays eyes on him, Nagito is unable to stop the violent throbs of his heart or the disgustingly warm sensation threatening to burn a hole through his chest.
He never really thought about love before, or what being in love entails. It never mattered, because that simply isn’t something that can happen to trash like him. He doesn’t have anything to offer; he’s bland, and boring, and he knows people call him weird. He can’t even offer his disgusting body, now that it’s been ruined and tainted.
So, he doesn’t expect to fall in love. And with an ordinary and painfully average boy like Hinata, at that.
This is just his luck.
3.
There’s only ever been two constants in Nagito’s life: luck—good or bad—and hope.
But now… now there is Hinata, as well.
His bad luck being a blight to everyone around him, Nagito never managed to make any friends. For obvious reasons, no one ever took an interest in a boring bystander like Nagito, and even less expressed any desire to be friends with someone like him.
But there Hinata is, going out of his way to talk to him and insisting that he wants to understand Nagito. The first time Hinata tells him that, Nagito feels so happy he’s afraid he’s going to die.
They develop a weird relationship, bickering and throwing barely disguised insults at each other, Hinata sometimes becoming upset with him when Nagito’s words get too sharp, but he still shares all of his meals with Nanami and him at the fountain.
This is all so new to him, and selfishly, he wishes things never change between them.
Then comes a day when Hinata casually calls him a friend and Nagito almost explodes right there and then.
He secretly hopes Hinata could be there with him when he dies. He doesn’t dare to ask, obviously, as that would be unfair and selfish of him, but he does think about it. It’s a nice fantasy, and Hinata is so kind he would probably accept out of pity, which is why Nagito can’t ask him. He never even told Hinata that he’s dying or that his brain is constantly deteriorating, bit by bit.
Still, having a friend, having Hinata by his side on his deathbed… that wouldn’t be so bad.
2.
Most of the time, Nagito doesn’t think unrequited love is as bad as people make it out to be.
Being in love with Hinata is one of the very, very few positive things about Nagito, so even if his affection isn’t ever going to be reciprocated, he doesn’t actually mind. And with Nagito being an unlovable piece of garbage, he knows full well that Hinata could never return his feelings.
The love he feels for Hinata is something precious, something that he even treasures as his most prized possession, because he never thought he would be able to experience feeling this way. Nagito will always be grateful to Hinata for this.
But… sometimes, this feeling can be so painful, so unbearably hurtful that Nagito gets worried his heart might be bleeding out inside his chest.
At times like this, he gets the overwhelming urge to scream, to let the world know, just to be able to leave something, even just an insignificant fragment, of his love for Hinata.
But mostly, he's happy with how things are. Hinata and Nanami are the happiest they’ve ever been, and that's all that matters. Nagito's selfish desires are irrelevant. Hinata is willing to be his friend, and he accepts him, as sickening as he is. That's already more than what Nagito could have hoped for.
Which is why he doesn’t have to fake his smile when Hinata tells him about the wedding.
There is something tragically beautiful about watching the love of your life marry someone else.
They look perfect together. Surrounded by his former classmates, Nagito watches them exchange their vows, watches them declare their love for each other, watches them kiss. They look beautiful. It’s everything they deserve, and even if the universe allowed him to, he wouldn’t wish to change anything.
He’s truly, genuinely happy for them, but as his throat chokes and his chest aches, he feels the desperate need to leave this place. He waits until the end of the ceremony, and finds an old tree behind the shrine.
There, he cries.
1.
This is how it ends.
He’s always known. He's always known his luck would be the thing to kill him.
How cruel, he can only think, wind rushing past him as he falls to his death. Time slows down as his hand reaches up toward the sky in a futile attempt to hold onto nothingness, the overwhelming and unbearable sensation of weightlessness making it hard to breathe.
A lifetime of his luck not allowing him to die, only to finally put him out of his misery when he allowed himself to look forward to the future.
This isn’t surprising. This is just how it's always been for him, and what he deserves, probably. Honestly, he should have seen this coming as soon as he heard the news from the hospital. For the first time, the pattern to his hellish luck cycle has been broken. Nagito never got the usual bad luck announcing good fortune. Him being cured of all sickness should have been preceded by a colossal amount of bad luck, but that never happened.
But Hinata had looked so beautiful, so perfect as he smiled and cried tears of joy for him, that Nagito forced himself to forget about it and let himself hope for a little bit of happiness.
As he falls, Nagito thinks of Hinata. His appeasing presence, his pretty eyes, his kind words. His smile. He thinks of all the moments they spent together, of all the touches they shared, of all the secret glances he stole, of all the times Hinata offered him his blinding smile.
Maybe, just maybe, he was born for the sake of meeting Hinata Hajime. And maybe, this deathly fall is the price he has to pay. Because, Nagito is sure of it; there isn’t enough bad fortune in this world to balance out the luck of having Hinata in his life.
A content smile on his face, Nagito closes his eyes and welcomes death with wide, open arms.