Work Text:
“So, Ranpo, are you coming over?”
“I’m sorry Poe, I can’t.”
“W-What? Ranpo, is something wro-”
The line beeped, and Poe’s heart started racing.
“Did- he hang up on me..?”
Poe attempted to call Ranpo back, listening as his phone rang and rang, but he didn’t pick up.
“Fuck.. is it me? Was I- No… no, don’t blame yourself. It’s stupid, Edgar, you’re just acting immaturely.”
Poe sighed and decided that he would write with his time instead, as he had promised Ranpo he would have part of his new work finished, and he barely had the third chapter started.
He took his laptop from the corner of his desk, moved it to the center, and opened it. He would’ve much preferred writing with paper and a quill, but he decided it would be better to keep everything online, that way it wouldn’t be as easy to lose as a physical copy. He especially hated getting ink smeared all over his hands and paper, as he preferred to use his left hand while writing, which always left a mess.
After what had felt like twenty minutes, but in reality was only half the time, Poe had come up with nothing, and the document looked the same as before.
“Maybe I’m just thinking about him too much.. I’ll try to read instead.”
Poe shut his laptop, feeling disappointed in himself, and rolled his chair over to his shelf. At first, he was unsure what book to pick, but he ended up picking out Heaven Official’s Blessing. He knew Ranpo had liked the series, and he had read some of it himself, but he had been busy with other things that he set it down and forgot he even had it.
Poe reread a few of the previous pages to remember what was happening, and then continued to read on. He managed to read about fifteen pages before he started to zone out, and realized how little attention he was paying to the book. He placed his clip on the page and closed the book, putting it back on his shelf.
After Poe did so, he felt something tug on his pant leg. He looked down to see Karl, presumably attempting to climb up and onto his lap. Poe weakly smiled and picked Karl up.
“Hi, Karl.”
“(insert a fuckign raccoon noise here?? Bitch the fuck kind of noise do they even make??)”
Poe gave Karl a tiny kiss on the head and set him down on his lap.
“I guess it’s obvious how upset I am, huh, buddy?”
Karl nudged Poe’s hand, which to Poe seemed like reassurance.
Poe took a deep breath in, petting Karl as he tried to soothe himself.
“Karl, I just…” Poe paused himself for a minute, feeling tears forming in the back of his eyes.
“Karl.. Do you think I did something.. Wrong?”
Karl whimpered, nudging Poe’s hand again.
“Karl.. What if he hates me, Karl? What if.. What if he’s just using me? What if he leaves me after all we’ve been through? What if he just leaves me, alone, ghosts me, pretends like we never had anything, refuses to look at me- Karl, what if he leaves me..?”
At this point Poe was visibly shaking, and he had already started crying. His ears were ringing, and he stopped petting Karl. Poor Karl was trying to bring him back to reality, but Poe just kept diving deeper into his panic attack.
“What…. What did I do wrong? I’m such a horrible person. I know how upset I’ve made him before, Karl, I can’t..” Poe glanced at his phone through his blurry vision, before he huffed and shoved his face into his hands.
“I.. Can’t call him Karl… I can’t make him panic again… It’s my fault, Karl, it’s my fault. Just like it always is.”
Poe fell onto the floor, putting himself in an upright fetal position, resting his face between his knees, and gripping his hair, crying. He stopped talking, and all he could do was cry, and wish that he were dead already.
Slowly, he pulled his knife out of his pocket, rolling up his sleeves. He pondered what Karl was trying to do while he scampered about on his desk, but he stopped quickly, telling himself to do it before Karl realized what he had in his hands.
He pulled up his sleeve and started cutting. Like always, it took him a couple cuts to get used to the pain, but once he did, he was slashing his arm all over. He felt nauseous, he knew it was a bad idea, but he kept going. Hell, he barely knew why he was cutting over such a mundane thing.
“Look at you, Poe. How is a successful, best-selling author like you having a panic attack underneath his desk and slitting his arms? You’ve been given everything you could possibly want in your life, and yet you’re still here, whining because one thing went wrong. You’re pathetic, overdramatic, weak, and an ungrateful brat.”
The thought started to get worse as he kept on cutting and cutting, until he felt as if he were about to pass out. He was sweating, and at this point both of his arms had cuts all over them, and blood dripping from each one.
He pulled his sleeves back down, again putting his face between his knees as he started weeping, thinking about how much of a horrible person he is. His head was pounding, and he was hyperventilating. He could barely see anything, but what he did see was people. He vaguely saw people, hiding in the shadows of his office.
The more he thought, the worse everything got, and he started to ball up his hands and shake them around, which just made things worse, as he started to compare himself to a pathetic, dramatic toddler.
His ears had been ringing so loudly that he could barely hear when someone opened his door and was walking towards him.
He jumped as he heard his door slam open, and he stopped waving his hands around, putting them back on his head as he curled himself into a tighter position, trying to hide from whoever had entered the room.
“L..leave… please….” he muttered, though he doubted the uninvited guest would’ve even heard him.
“Ed! Ed, it’s Ranpo. I’m here, Ed. It’s Ranpo.”
“R.. Ran…. po..”
“Yes, Edgar. It’s me. Are you okay if I hug you?”
Poe moved his hands from his head back down to his sides, and he slowly nodded his head. After he did, he felt Ranpo loosely place his hands around his waist.
“Ed, darling, why didn’t you tell me you were upset?”
“don’t… want to talk..”
Poe felt Ranpo let go of his hug, and he raised his head to look at Ranpo.
Ranpo offered Poe a hand.
“Do you want to go to your bedroom?”
He nodded, and grabbed Ranpo’s hand.
“Alright. I’ll lead the way, but I’ll let you set the pace, okay?”
Slowly, the two got up and walked over to the author’s bedroom.
Ranpo sat down on the bed and gestured to Poe to sit next to him.
“Can I do anything for you?”
Poe pointed to a notepad and a pen across the room.
“You want that?”
He nodded his head.
Ranpo quickly got up, grabbed the notepad, handed it to Poe, and sat back down.
The pale man started to shakily write something down, before he gave the pad to Ranpo. In very messy handwriting, it said, “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize, Ed. I should be the one apologizing, I didn’t even know you were panicking this bad until I kept getting panicked gibberish texts from Karl, he was trying to handle your phone. I don’t even know how he figured it out.”
Poe lunged forward, hugging Ranpo and burying his face in his chest, as he started to sob again.
Ranpo rubbed his back and played with his hair, while he reassured Poe that he loved him.
“Ed, when you get like that again, you can tell me. I’m not a therapist, and I don’t really know how to comfort people, but I’ll listen to you. I never want you to get like that, okay? I love you.”
Poe clutched Ranpo’s back, shoving his face even deeper into his chest.
“i.. love you..”
“I love you too, darling.”
After a couple more minutes of silent consolation, Poe pulled his face away from Ranpo’s chest, and brushed his hand across Ranpo’s cheek.
“Can I…. kiss.. You?”
“Yeah, of course you can.”
Poe leaned forward, and Ranpo did as well, as they both kissed. It was soft, but full of love, and as they pulled away, Ranpo kissed Poe’s cheek.
“Thank you, Ranpo..”
“Of course. I really do love you, Ed.”
“I.. love you… too…”