Chapter Text
Tony raised his eyebrow and smirked in the way Phil could only associate with the mounting pressure of more paperwork coming his way. Tony’s amusement was richly woven into every word when he said, “So let me get this straight: Agent Agent and Legolas are soulmates ?”
Bruce interrupted, “Tony, be nice…”
Tony spun to face him. “Oh oh oh, don’t think I forgot about you. You and Widow could also be bound together for all eternity?” His laughter finally escaped in peals of giggles. “This is priceless.” He pointed an accusing finger at Phil. “Especially since you left me behind because… what was it you said? You didn’t want any dramatics on this mission?” He paced Coulson’s office grinning like Christmas had come early… and considering Christmas was tomorrow, he wasn’t far off. “Come on, Steve. Surely you can see the funny in this?”
Steve shook his head frowning. “A soul bond is serious business, Tony. This is important.”
Tony looked back at the tablet in his hand. “But it will expire in… eight days, New Year’s Eve, if they don’t close it. The only downside being that they’ll never be able to bond to each other afterwards. So really, it’s just an excuse for them to have some fun.”
Clint and Natasha exchanged unreadable glances. Their uncanny ability to know what the other was thinking was useful most of the time, but did sometimes make Phil feel a bit like a third wheel. They’d grown close as Strike Team Delta before forming the Avengers, but moments like this reminded him that he would always be on the outside. Which was ironic since he and Clint now had an open bond.
Bruce interrupted his thoughts, awkwardly wringing his hands and saying, “Natasha, I would never… you know…”
She flashed an exasperated glare at Tony and reached out to pat Bruce’s hand. “I know you wouldn’t.”
Tony waggled his eyebrows at her. “Don’t you wanna take the Hulkster for a spin? I bet once you go green you never go back. They say banging bonded is–”
“Tony!”
The chorus of his teammates all shouting at him with varying levels of frustration halted Tony in his tracks. Phil caught just a hint of the wounded expression on his face – it reminded Phil for all the world of Cap, the dog he’d had as a child who was forever getting into trouble without understanding why – before it was covered up with a giant, plastered-on grin.
“Alright, alright,” said Tony, his hand held up in surrender. “I’ll leave you lovebirds alone. But I’m still expecting everyone at the Tower tonight for Christmas Eve. I’ll accept no excuses. The party’s been planned, decorations ordered, and all your super powers will be needed to decorate the tree, so you better be there or Pepper’s feelings will be hurt.”
Clint and Natasha exchanged another look, but then Clint turned to Phil, and just like that he was welcomed back into their circle. Clint was trusting Phil to make the decision, to do what was best for everyone. It was always a thrill to know he had earned Clint’s trust, but combined with the open bond, it made his heart sing.
Looking at Clint and Natasha, he couldn’t fully contain his smile. He nodded decisively. “Yes,” he said to Tony, “we’ll be there. But,” he warned, “no mistletoe.”
Tony clasped his hand to chest. “Agent, you wound me.”
Steve’s gaze took in Phil, Clint, Natasha, and Bruce. “If any of you need space or feel pressure from the bond, let me know. I’ll help distract you, give you a safe space, or get you out of there. A true bond is special so whatever you need to resist this 084 imposed bond, just ask. ”
It was sweet and wholesome, but also wholly unnecessary. This 084 was the first recorded case of soulbonds being forced open, but history was full of stories of soulbonds which were forced closed – trapping two people together forever. Steve just wanted to protect them all from that fate, but Phil wasn’t worried. Closing a bond was simple, but almost impossible to do by accident: two people had to touch skin to skin, stare into each other’s eyes, and confess their love. There was no way that was going to happen with either pair.
“Thank you, Steve,” Phil said, smiling warmly. “I doubt that will be necessary, but we appreciate the thought and, if needed, I hope the team will take you up on it if they don’t feel comfortable coming to me. For now, everyone needs to do their formal debrief reports. If anyone needs anything, I’ll be here. Now, all of you, shoo.” He said the last part with a smile and got answering smiles from everyone in the room as they prepared to leave.
Only Clint dawdled behind until everyone else had left. It wasn’t unusual for Clint to choose to do his paperwork in Phil’s office, but Phil had assumed under the circumstances, he would want space.
Instead, Clint closed the distance to his desk. Sat down. Fidgeted with the pens on Phil’s desk and stood up. He paced around Phil’s desk until he ended up on the side, hip cocked against the desk and arms folded. Phil gave him time to find his words. “So, ummm, this is weird, even for Avengers, right?”
Phil wasn’t sure what he’d been expecting but it wasn’t that. He just raised an eyebrow at Clint and let himself smile a little bit. “Weirder than the hallucinogenic rainbow unicorns last month?”
Clint smiled and relaxed some. “I will never forget Cap soaring through the sky, trying to lasso the moon.”
“Ahh so you think being forced to open a bond with one of your closest friends is weirder than when we all swapped consciousnesses for a week and you learned what it was like to have Steve’s superpowers and I had Tony’s crazy brain chemistry driving me batty?”
Clint laughed and relaxed his folded arms as he moved to drop casually into his usual seat. “And Natasha, in Hulk form, dancing ballet.” Clint said with a grin, “No, you’re right. Those were way weirder. But this feels…” Clint gave a helpless shrug, “different. Do you feel… different?”
Phil took a moment to check in with himself and see how he was really feeling. He’d been ‘on the clock’ since the incident, always so focused on the team, he hadn’t paid much attention to how he was doing. Did anything feel different? Maybe a little. He was certainly glad to have Clint with him and nearby. The idea of Clint leaving his personal space felt like going out into the cold without a jacket. While he always enjoyed Clint’s company, the intensity of that feeling was new. Resisting that urge wasn’t going to be fun, but if Clint had to have an open bond with anyone, Phil was surprised at how glad he was that it was him but quickly dismissed it.
“Nothing unexpected. As with all open bonds, I want to keep you close, but it’s nothing I can’t handle.”
Clint rubbed the back of his neck, took a deep breath, and said hopefully, “I could hangout here and do my stuff, if you don’t mind?” Just the idea of keeping Clint so close for hours sent waves of relief rolling through him.
Phil did a quick tally of his remaining tasks for the day and there was very little that Clint didn’t have clearance for; the rest he could manage. Besides, it would feel nice to keep Clint close. He said with mock seriousness, “Are you prepared to deal with Tony’s innuendos about what we’re doing in here?”
Clint barked a laugh, rolled his shoulders, and cracked his neck. He was finally letting go of the mission and knowing he’d been part of making that happen warmed Phil’s heart. He liked knowing he’d been able to help. “Tony I can handle,” Clint said as he moved towards the couch.
Phil nodded. “I’m sure you can, but as I’d rather avoid as much of his loving attention as possible, how about I keep the door open while you’re here?” he said dryly.
He was rewarded with another laugh as Clint changed direction and opened Phil’s door about a quarter of the way. “Sure thing, boss. Whatever you want.” He smiled at Phil and, as always, Phil’s heart swelled just a little bit more with happiness. The added closeness of the bond felt nice – it buoyed his spirits. He’d always enjoyed spending time with Clint and for the next week it looked like he’d get even more of that. The thought cheered him more than he expected and he smiled as he opened up the files and got back to work.
>------> >------> >------>
Clint had gone through a wild range of feelings since his bond opened with Phil. The first had been ecstatic joy. He’d been crushing on Phil forever, so to suddenly feel that sense in his mind, the little ball of tightly controlled power that could only be Phil Coulson, felt like getting the best Christmas present of his life on Christmas morning.
The moment later when his damn common sense kicked in and he realized it wasn’t a real bond, but only something caused by the 084, felt familiarly like rushing downstairs on Christmas morning to discover Santa had forgotten him again and there would be no presents for little Clint. So he guessed it did still feel like Christmas. Yay.
Since then Clint hadn’t been able to make up his mind how he felt about the bond. Other than being able to sense Phil, he didn’t feel any different. It shouldn’t be a huge surprise. Despite all Natasha’s good advice, he’d been slowly falling in love with Phil for years. Coulson was a bad ass in the field, Phil was a nice guy with a dorky sense of humor. The contrast of the two hit a sweet spot Clint hadn’t known he had until he met Phil, and since then nobody else could compare. Sure, Clint dated. He had one night stands, short relationships, one disastrous marriage that never should have happened, but he was inevitably drawn back to Phil like a planet circling the sun.
Clint had only had two open bonds before. The first time had been at the circus – offered up like a prize. Take your shot for the greatest marksman on earth! Just one dollar, hold his hands, giv’im a good looooong kiss and he might be yours for the taking. Take your shot! Clint shuddered at the memory. If Clint missed a shot, Trickshot would force him to work the soulmate booth for hours as punishment. When a shy office clerk, only a few years older than Clint, had opened a bond, Clint had bolted from the circus and never looked back.
The second time had been with Natasha. Clint was willing but she wasn’t ready and she ran. He didn’t see her again until years later when he was on a mission for SHIELD and she walked into his crosshairs. Two weeks later, he showed up at Phil’s apartment with pizza (as an apology) and Natasha (as an explanation) to beg for forgiveness for going AWOL. Phil had never doubted him, Coulson had fixed everything, and Clint had fallen even deeper in love.
Phil was tapping away at his keyboard, completely focused. His eyes crinkled a little in concentration, his lips pressed tight, but his shoulders and arms were relaxed. Clint knew that meant he was confident in what he was doing and not stressed about it – it was a good look. It made Clint want to kiss him, but then again, most things Phil did made Clint want to kiss him.
Phil paused and looked up at him curiously. “Something funny?”
Clint realized he’d been chuckling a bit at his own thoughts and gave a small shrug. “Just thinking about soulbonds and how confusing they are. I don’t suppose SHIELD – and by SHIELD I mean you – know anything about what causes them with some people but not others?”
Phil leaned back in his chair and hummed, his attention completely focused on Clint. Clint loved that feeling the way a plant loved sunshine, and he stared back at Phil with rapt attention. “We’ve done a few studies above your clearance level but they didn’t tell us as much as we hoped. I could quote stats at you about how 64% of bonded pairs excel in their fields and credit their partner in helping them. But the other half are more like leech relationships. Some of the greatest minds in history have been part of leech bonds but the idea terrifies me.” Phil snapped his jaw shut and his eyes darted to the open door. He shook his head and gave Clint a rueful smile. “I also knew that during the open bond phase, couples would feel inclined to share more than they would normally. I didn’t fully understand what that meant before now.”
Clint blinked at him in surprise. “You’ve never had an open bond?”
“No.” Phil closed his laptop as he spoke and moved to shut the office door. “Believe me, I tried when I was younger, but I always wanted someone who would be my equal. My older sister is in a leech bond. She and her husband are both happy, but she is his whole life.” He sat down on the couch beside Clint and Clint didn’t want to breathe to risk interrupting this glimpse into Phil’s heart. “Most often, the people who are attracted to me, are looking for someone who will tell them what to do and take care of them. I don’t want that. So I’m very careful about who I kiss. I’d be happy to get married without the bond, but," he added with a halfhearted laugh, ''I'm married to my job, so that’s not likely to happen.” Phil gave a small shrug. “I’m happy with my life as it is.”
Clint had never heard it called a ‘leech bond’ before, but he knew the type of relationship Phil was describing. He was desperately curious who had hurt Phil so badly but with the bond already making Phil more talkative than normal, it didn't feel right to push by asking questions.
Phil looked at him curiously. “Usually you won’t stop talking on the comms, but now you don’t seem to have the same urge I do to talk. I want to tell you all about myself and ask you about you.”
That made Clint smile. Sure he was feeling that urge, but he’d spent years wanting to be the center of Phil’s attention and to know everything about him. For Clint, the open bond had changed nothing about how he felt. He didn’t want Phil to know that, but he also didn't want to lie. “I had an open bond with Natasha years ago.”
Phil gasped and leaned in closer. “I always wondered about that! Did you somehow know you were compatible when you saw her? Is that why you ran?”
Clint resisted the urge to match Phil by leaning in close enough to feel Phil’s breath on his lips. Instead, he put distance between them, pulling away from his gravitational force so he was leaning back against the couch and folding his hand behind his head. “No. It was years before I joined SHIELD. We’d worked a job together, fell into bed, kissed in the morning and the bond opened up. I was willing – hell I thought it was the best thing that had ever happened to me – but she wasn’t interested and she ran. It took over a month before the bond faded and I didn’t see her again until that mission.”
Phil gave a slow rocket falling whistle. “That’s a long time for a bond to stay open. I’m sorry you missed that opportunity. You two would have been an amazing pair.”
Clint just shrugged, he’d long since stopped regretting that loss, but he was distracted from what he was going to say next by how Phil’s eyes followed the movement of his shoulders flexing and relaxing. That was new. “Oh.. we. ummm, we are good friends now and I love her as a sister. Believe me, I wouldn’t change it even if I could.” Because I’m in love with you and that wouldn’t be fair to her , was the unfinished thought that he didn’t say out loud.
“I should get back to work,” said Phil regretfully.
“Or, you could stay here and talk to me about how we’re going to survive Christmas at the tower,” offered Clint hopefully. “Did you hear? Tony is going to ask everyone to make a traditional Christmas dish from their childhood. What will you bring?”
So Phil stayed and they talked. They talked for hours about Christmas and holidays and work and vacation and everything under the sun and beyond it. Clint thought if all he got for Christmas was this, it would still be the best Christmas of his life.
>------> >------> >------>
Clint flopped down on his bed starfish style, then rolled over to face Natasha sitting in the chair across from him. Behind her he could see the night sky with the city lights making the falling snow look like a New York City Christmas postcard. It was a movie perfect Christmas Eve, just like his whole day had been and he could not stop smiling so hard his cheeks hurt.
“It was amazing, Nat! We spent the whole day just talking. We went for lunch in the caf and then he drove me back to the tower. He offered to take me for a ride in Lola and I know it’s just the open bond, but…” He gave a happy little wiggle and cuddled his pillow extra tight, burying his face in it. “It’s the best day of my life. I thought I was in love with him before, but now… he’s just perfect. His eyes, his smile, and I could listen to him talk for hours because I just love the way his mind works.” He peered above his pillow and saw Natasha smiling indulgently back at him. “I just love him.”
“I know you do, little bird,” she said, crossing her legs. “This is not new news. But be careful. This changes nothing, and I don’t want to see you hurt.”
Clint gave a soul deep sigh and let go of his pillow. He propped his head up on his hand and elbow and looked at his best friend. “I know. But it’s going to suck so freaking bad when it’s done. I just want to enjoy it for now.” She nodded but didn’t say anything. “Sorry for ummm, forgetting about you and Bruce at HQ today when we left. How was your day with him?”
She raised a skeptical eyebrow at him. “You know how I feel about bonds. Nothing happened. We spent about an hour filling out our paperwork, got coffee, then went our separate ways. I didn’t see him again until I pinged your phone and realized you and Coulson had left us at the office.”
“We’d been talking about Christmas trees and he wanted to show me the big one downtown. I just knew he was going to love Tony’s giant tree because he loves all things Christmas to be extra-sized, but I still like small trees best. Charlie Brown had the right idea. We talked about how we could compromise by putting a big tree in the living room and having a small tree in the bedroom so that the whole home smelled like Christmas and he liked that idea.” Clint stretched out his arms, inviting Natasha to join him in bed. She huffed a fondly exasperated sigh but rolled herself into his arms.
“You know this isn’t going to last, little bird.”
Her words didn’t hurt. At least not much. Clint knew it; but he also kind of just didn’t care. If this was going to be the closest he ever got to all his dreams coming true, then he was going to enjoy it and he’d pay the price later. “But did you see the way he looked at me when I shot the star up onto the top of Tony’s Christmas tree? When he looks at me like that, I always forget I’m not a real superhero like the rest of the team and I know I could do anything.”
Natasha twisted in his arms and looked up at him, one eyebrow raised in the epitome of Russian skepticisms. “He did!” defended Clint.
Natasha sighed. "I meant, of course you're a real superhero, dumbass. But obviously you only have one thing on your mind tonight." Then she said more loudly, “Jarvis, do you have video of the tree decorating we did tonight?”
Jarvis’s crisp robotic voice managed to infuse just the slightest hint of Tony’s disdain for when anyone doubted he could do anything. “Of course, Ms. Romanov. Would you like to see the moment Mr. Barton was just describing?”
“Yes please, Jarvis.”
Clint’s whole ceiling turned into a giant movie screen and the scene from a few hours earlier played out in real time. The 16 foot tree was the center of the room and the Avengers were all doing their parts to prepare the set up. Hulk had just finished putting the tree in place and was now carrying boxes the size of small cars that were filled with decorations. Iron Man was flying around the tree tying it to walls high up so that it would stay stable. Phil was sitting back, sipping his first mug of mulled wine.
He looked good. He had worn a pair of old, worn-in jeans and an ugly Christmas sweater that showed all the Avengers as reindeer pulling Santa’s sleigh (Santa was clearly Nick Fury). Clint had laughed for a full minute the first time he saw it. He had no idea where Phil had found it, but Clint loved it. The only thing missing was Phil himself. Clint thought that was an unforgivable oversight, but Phil was clearly proud of his sweater, so Clint kept his comments to himself. Just like he didn’t tell Phil how the blue made his eyes sparkle like gems. Video Phil put down his mug, his lips parted in awe, then a smile burst over his face like he’d seen the best thing in the world.
Clint had been so distracted watching Phil, he’d missed the moment when he’d shot the star to the top of the tree and landed it perfectly, but video Phil had been watching him. Video Phil and video Clint locked eyes and Clint’s heart stopped for a moment, just as it had when it had happened for real. It wasn’t the first time Phil had looked at him like that, but every time he did Clint felt like he was the greatest superhero in the world.
Jarvis froze the video on that moment, and Clint carved the image into his memory with chisel and stone – regardless of what happened when their bond faded, he’d have that moment forever.
“Damn, you’re right,” Natasha said softly. “He did look at you like you’re his personal hero.” She turned to him and, placing her small cool hand on his check, gently but firmly forced his gaze away from the video to look at her and Jarvis faded it to black. “But we all know this is not a real bond. I won’t let you get hurt by this. You need to remember that the bond will fade by New Year’s Eve. You can’t let yourself feel what you want to feel or act on any of this. This chemistry isn’t real.”
This time her words did hurt. That wasn’t what he wanted to hear from his best friend. He wanted the person he trusted most in the world to tell him to believe in his heart and take this gift for what it was. He and Phil had never kissed, what if a real bond would have opened up if they had? What if this was his one chance with the love of his life? But Natasha wasn’t the kind of friend who told him what he wanted to hear and he loved her for that even while it hurt.
Natasha nodded and said more softly, “I’ll stay with you tonight and we can face him and Christmas together. I promise, I’ll make sure you are fine.” Then more loudly, “Jarvis, please wake us up before you think Coulson will wake up. I want Clint caffeinated before he has to see him.”
Clint chuckled and pulled Natasha into an even tighter snuggle. “You’re the best.”
“I know,” she said and they both laughed a little.
Clint slept well knowing that he’d always have Natasha taking care of him.