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Yoko did her best to carefully balance the two pizza boxes in one hand while knocking on the door to her girlfriend's bedroom. When she didn’t hear anything from behind the door, she called out the first thing that came to mind:
“Hey, let me in. I’m outside with your favorite pizza.” She said it as softly as she could, while making sure that Divina would still be able to hear her.
She bit back a smile as she heard movement from the other side of the door in front of her, shortly before the door opened, revealing the heartbreaking sight of a red-eyed Divina.
Yoko tried to comfort herself with the fact that Divina was smiling when she opened the door, but it still broke Yoko’s heart when she saw Divina’s red, puffy eyes and tear streaked face; tell-tale signs that she had been crying.
Yoko made a mental note to thank Kent for letting her know that Divina had had a bad day.
“Hi.” Divina spoke with a quiet voice that had a high edge to it, which was clearly Divina trying to hide how low she was feeling. Her intentions were given away by the scratchiness of her voice.
“Hey Div,” Yoko said softly, trying her best to put on what she hoped to be a comforting smile.
Yoko was surprised when Divina wordlessly took the pizza boxes from her and placed them on her bed. Nonetheless, she took it in stride, walking into the room and closing the door behind her.
As soon as she turned back around to face Divina, she was engulfed into a hug by the aforementioned girl.
Although she wasn’t fully expecting it, she wasn’t surprised, and quickly reciprocated, wrapping her arms around her girlfriend.
Divina buried her face into the crook of Yoko’s neck, pulling her closer, curling into her just the tiniest bit. Yoko repositioned her grip on Divina so that she could hold her as close as possible, one arm going up so she could place her hand on the back of Divina’s neck, whilst the other arm situated itself around Divina’s waist.
“It’s ok,” Yoko whispered into Divina’s hair. “I’m here.”
Yoko could feel Divina shake a little bit in her arms, but she could only hear soft breaths, maybe slightly shuddering, and she did not feel any wetness on her neck, so she could only assume that Divina was shaking out of exhaustion.
Although they didn’t stay that way for too long, every second that passed made Yoko want to hold her there, safe and protected in her arms, for the rest of time.
Divina briefly rested her head against Yoko’s sternum before pulling away, making eye contact with Yoko before looking down and back up again. “Hi,” she said again.
“Hi,” Yoko parroted back.
When Divina didn’t respond, Yoko tried to fill the silence. “Do you wanna eat pizza and watch some YouTube?” She suggested, gesturing to the pizza boxes that were still sitting on Divina’s bed.
Divina let out a breathy chuckle before giving a little nod, allowing herself to be pulled in the direction of her bed. Yoko opened one of the pizza boxes, while Divina got out her computer and wordlessly went on YouTube.
(Yoko remembered when Divina first told her what her favorite kind of pizza was. They were having a sleepover and Divina had asked if they could order just plain cheese pizza. Yoko had been in disbelief at her choice, only to get shut down when Divina asked what her favorite pizza was. She had laughed and pointed out that pepperoni pizza was just as basic, if not more basic, than plain cheese.)
They sat shoulder to shoulder on Divina’s bed with the pizza box in between them and Divina’s computer in front of them on the bed. They fell into silence while they ate their pizza and watched YouTube, occasionally making comments about the contents of the video and laughing together. Yoko’s heart soared every time she heard Divina let out a laugh, but she was still concerned.
Divina had selected a video by Sybil Kappert, titled “Queer Tiktoks That Made Me Giggle Or Feel”. While this wasn’t an usual choice of creator for Divina to want to watch (they both enjoyed watching Sybil Kappert, and they were a common choice of creator when the couple watched YouTube together), the video choice had Yoko worried.
Usually when the pair watched Sybil together, they opted to watch videos where Sybil reacted to homophobic things, usually with their girlfriend. The fact that Divina hadn’t chosen a video like that, and instead had purposefully chosen a more happy video, had Yoko even more concerned than she had been when she first entered Divina’s room.
Yoko reached out a hand and pressed the spacebar on the computer, pausing the video right before it ended. She turned slightly so that she would be able to look Divina in the eye easier.
“So,” She began. She watched as Divina swallowed a bite of her pizza before putting her slice down, giving Yoko her full attention. “You can say no. I won’t push you. But do you want to talk?”
Yoko could tell she didn’t need to elaborate for Divina to understand what she was asking. Do you want to talk about why you were crying?
Divina sighed. “Sure, but…” She trailed off, looking away from Yoko’s eyes before meeting them again. “Can we watch another video or two? I don’t know if I’m 100% ready yet.”
Yoko gave a quick nod. “Of course,” she said reassuringly. “Take all the time you need. I’ll be here when you’re ready to talk.”
Divina gave a bright smile. “Thanks Yoko.”
Yoko didn’t respond, instead opting to wrap an arm around Divina, bringing her slightly closer while she unpaused the video, causing the next one to begin to queue up, a video titled “Giggle At Queer Tiktoks With Me”, also by Sybil Kappert.
After watching the video for a bit, Divina began to speak. “Today, between 6th and 7th period, I was walking around with Enid.”
Sensing that Divina was finally ready to talk, Yoko yet again reached out her hand and pressed the spacebar, effectively pausing the video, only a few minutes remaining. Yoko once again turned to face Divina, Divina doing the same, turning slightly to face Yoko.
“We had just come from Chemistry and were heading to Math together, since we shared both classes,” Divina explained, not quite meeting Yoko’s eyes as she spoke. “And these two boys… they made fun of my pin.”
The last part wasn’t said with sadness or anger, but more with an air of disbelief mixed with confusion.
The pin Divina was referencing was a pin on her backpack with the lesbian flag, which both her and Yoko had bought after finding a pair of them in Hot Topic whilst out with Enid and Wednesday (Wednesday had only agreed to come along if they went there, though Yoko and Divina hadn’t complained).
“It wasn’t anything too bad,” Divina quickly clarified, no doubt sensing that Yoko was about to get very angry if she didn’t. “They just kind of pointed it out, accompanied with… with a slur.”
Divina looked nervous and Yoko tried to control how she was breathing so that she didn’t come off as angry when her girlfriend clearly didn’t need that, even though she could feel her blood boil.
She must have done a good job, because Divina continued, the air of nervousness gone.
“Enid defended me, but they just pushed back. Said something along the lines of, ‘I guess freaks really do stick together.’”
Now Yoko really had to try to keep herself together. Not only had these assholes been mean to her girlfriend, but they had also been mean to her best friend.
Divina didn’t seem to notice anything different with Yoko’s demeanor (or, if she did, she didn’t comment on it), continuing on with her recounting of the events of that day.
“Luckily Wednesday appeared and threatened them, so of course they ran away with their tails between their legs.” Divina seemed to trail off, even though her tone of voice suggested that she had more to say.
Yoko took one of Divina’s hands into her own. “Talk to me.” She spoke softly, yet reassuringly, trying to get the point across to Divina that she was there for her.
Divina let out a shuddering breath. “I just…” She trailed off again before continuing, taking in a breath through her mouth as she did so. “It didn’t really bother me that much, it wasn’t a totally awful experience… I mean, yeah it sucked, but more than that, it put things into perspective.”
“What do you mean?” Yoko asked, trying to understand what her girlfriend was explaining to her.
Divina sighed before speaking. Not an exasperated sigh, just a tired one. “I guess it just made me realize that kids at our school were homophobic.” Divina spoke as though this was a surprise to her, which confused Yoko. It must have shown in her face, since Divina was quick to elaborate. “I mean, I knew people at our school were homophobic, it would’ve been some kind of miracle if there were no homophobic people at our school, but I guess today just made me realize that at any given moment we could be criticized for just being who we are.”
Yoko’s eyes softened; she knew exactly what Divina was talking about. Knowing that people around you might be homophobic was far different from people actually acting on their homophobia, especially when it’s targeted at you. She understood the feeling.
“Like,” Divina continued, trying to find the right words. “I always knew that something like this might happen, but the reality of it really made me think ‘wow. This is a shitty thing that we’re gonna have to deal with, not just a fear in the back of my head.’”
Divina looked down at her lap and, for the first time in their whole conversation, Yoko saw a layer of unshed tears in her girlfriend's eyes. “I guess I just got lost in my head, thinking of all the ‘what if’s’. Like, what if this becomes a normal thing or what if people try to,” Yoko heard her swallow thickly before finishing her sentence. “Hurt us,” she finished quietly.
Yoko could see Divina glance up with wet eyes as she brought her hand up and kissed Divina’s knuckles.
“Well,” she said quietly, doing her best to sound comforting. “If that does happen, then we are so lucky that we are friends with Wednesday.”
Divina let out a watery chuckle, meeting Yoko’s eyes with a glimmer of happiness. Yoko smiled to herself, glad that she was able to make Divina laugh, even when she was feeling low.
“In all seriousness though,” Yoko said, hardening her expression and looking Divina right in the eye. “If that does happen then we’ll be there for each other. Yeah, it’s shitty, but it’s also an unfortunate fact of life: sometimes people suck. But when they do…” Yoko grabbed Divina’s other hand and held them both out in front of her, giving them little shakes as she spoke. “I’ll be here for you. And so will Enid and Bianca. Kent and the rest of the boys will be here, and in whatever way ‘being here’ for a person looks like for an Addams, Wednesday will be here.”
Divina letting out a shuddering breath through her mouth, as a tear fell down her cheek. “You promise?” She asked meekly.
Yoko gave a soft smile and responded sincerely. “I promise.”
Divina let out a barely contained sob, as twin tears fell down both her cheeks. Yoko pulled Divina close, bringing Divina’s forehead to rest against her sternum while Divina cried quietly. Yoko felt arms wrap around her waist as Divina settled her weight against the taller girl, whilst Yoko kept one hand on the back of Divina’s head, running her fingers through her hair, while the other hand rested on the small of her back, keeping her close, letting her know “I’m here for you”.
They sat like that for a while and at some point Yoko felt Divina go limp against her; she had fallen asleep. Yoko pulled out her phone and sent a text to her dad, letting her know she would be spending the night, before opening Kent’s contact and shooting him a message, asking if he could come get their pizza boxes and put them in the fridge and also telling him that he could have some if he wanted. Their parents were away on a business trip, so it was up to him and Divina what they did for dinner. He sent back a thumbs up emoji and Yoko heard footsteps from down the hall start to get closer.
Kent opened the door quietly, not seeming at all phased when he saw Divina and Yoko tangled up together. He just gave Yoko a questioning thumbs up. Yoko sent him one back, letting him know that she had in fact succeeded in making Divina feel better. He mouthed a thank you before moving to grab the pizza boxes, shortly before pausing and picking up a blanket, gesturing to it in a questioning manner.
Yoko gave him the tiniest of nods, trying not to disturb the girl sleeping in her arms, as Kent pulled open the blanket and began to drape it over the pair. Yoko took from him, gently positioning it so that it was mostly covering Divina, who let out a content sigh, even as she slept. Now it was Yoko’s turn to mouth a thank you, conveying her gratitude to Kent as he left them in Divina’s room, pizza boxes in hand, exiting as quietly as he had entered.
Yoko let out a content sigh of her own as she rested her chin atop Divina’s shoulder, letting sleep take her, happy to have the girl she loved resting peacefully in her arms.