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Ava wiped the steam from the mirror and simply stared. The mirror was slightly tarnished with age, the frame worn away from the steam of a thousand baths in the old white clawed tub. It was resilient though, still hung on the wall, a silent vault of images of all those who had come before and who would no doubt come after.
She bit her lip, turning her head slightly. She pressed her fingers gently to the back of her head, wincing at the small pain of the still healing wound. She stared at her fingers, glinting wetly in the weak light of the overhead, naked lightbulb and the three fat dripping candles on the sink. At least they weren’t wet with blood. This time.
She rubbed her fingers together, and despite knowing that she was no longer bleeding from a slightly smashed skull, she could still almost feel the tackiness of the blood on her fingers. She frowned at the thought, her mind narrowing, and the images flooding behind her eyes: Bea’s face twisted in pain and horror, she could still hear Bea screaming, demanding that she not leave her.
She closed her eyes, still rubbing her fingers together. She could almost still feel Bea’s arms cradling her, drawing Ava into Bea, could feel Bea’s tears gracing her own cheeks. She remembered the gasp of air scorching her parched lungs when the halo brought her back to life once again.
She imagined Bea’s arms around her once again, cradling her, her mouth against Ava’s cheek. Ava’s mouth pressed into the warmth of Bea’s naked neck, their legs moving against each other in an ancient dance as old as time itself.
She gasped slightly, her eyes springing open. She stared at herself, watching as the red blossomed slowly in her reflection’s cheeks. Her reflection’s chest heaved slightly, and she could almost see the pulse fluttering in her neck. It wasn’t the first time she had thought of Bea in her arms, their bodies pressing against each other, but she had tucked those thoughts away for another day, a day when they weren’t running or hiding, when there was no more imminent danger, or war looming over their heads.
Except…except she had died. Again. The halo was weakening, sputtering into a tiny death, at the most unfortunate of times. Running through the wall had been foolish, when she didn’t know what was on the other side, and as she had dangled hundreds of feet in the air, the halo sputtering and sparking, and she had known she would fall, known she would die.
Ava shuddered, her entire frame quaking for a moment. She could remember the exact nanosecond she had crashed into the unyielding courtyard below her, the nanosecond of searing, smashing pain, and then…nothing. She had felt all of her regrets, her pains, and her dreams die in that twinkle of a moment.
She shook her head and grit her teeth, her white, knuckles hands clutching the sides of the sink. SHE HAD DIED! Again. And what if she died again and the halo failed to bring her back? To raise her from the ungodly dead, the vast abyss that stretched on before her? What then?
What of Beatrice?
She looked up, catching her stare in the mirror. She glared, her lips twisting, before she shoved herself back from the sink, turning her back on herself. She hastily dried herself off, dropping the damp towel into the reed hamper. She jerked the red tank top over her head, her arms waving almost wildly for a minute as she tried to shimmy the cloth down over her head. She grabbed the black pants, not feeling the soft cotton against her legs, as she roughly dragged them up over her thighs and hips.
Something was burning in the pit of her stomach, but she could feel…something…something frosting along her ribs, burying itself in her creaking bones.
She hurried out the door, her bare feet slapping against the cold stones in the long hallway. It hurt, it ached, and it was building inside of her. She had only one thought, pounding in her head, throbbing in the cavern of her chest.
Bea.
*******************************
Bea sat on the edge of her bed, staring at the crucifix hanging on the stark wall across from her. There were few adornments in the small room, a serviceable bed pushed against the wall, a small dresser, an old, scarred nightstand at the head of the bed with a large, haphazard stack of books and a small battery operated lantern.
She let her eyes stray around the room, almost smiling at the irony of the weapons gracing the rest of the rock walls: a couple hand guns, automatic weapons, more knives than was probably good for anyone, not to mention the knife under her pillow, and the sword and dagger strapped carefully to the back of the door.
Perhaps the most personal item and most colorful in her room was the blue and gold rag quilt neatly tucked around her mattress. Her aunt had made it for her when she entered the convent, something of home, something to remember all that she was sacrificing for a better word.
She reached up and clutched the cross hanging from her neck, feeling the sharp imprint against her palm, it was barely distracting enough from the flickering images behind her eyes.
Ava. Ava dangling helplessly in the air, her arms and legs flailing. She could still hear the wet crunch when Ava had landed in the courtyard, Bea’s own screams still reverberated along her spine.
She ignored the tears that dripped down her cheeks, the way her chest heaved once and then twice, before she straightened her spine and clenched her teeth, refusing to let the sobs pass the cage of her teeth. Crying wouldn’t help, wouldn’t ease the terror that still lingered like a thousand shadows on the sunniest of days.
SHE ALMOST DIED!
She groaned, dropping her head into her hands. She ached all over, her muscles tight and wrenched. She knew she had bruises from the fight, but perhaps even more from the terror of watching Ava die, the desperate relief when she finally felt the upheaval of Ava’s battered ribs against her breast as Ava drew her first breath.
Raised from the dead. Like Lazarus. And who had wept for Lazarus? His sisters. Christ. And Jesus wept. And who had wept for Ava? Who would weep for Ava again when she inevitably died, her injuries too severe for the halo to heal her.
Beatrice. Beatrice the nun would weep for Ava, the chosen Warrior Nun again and again each time she took her last breath and then drew her first breath, until she would never draw breath again.
Because all Warrior Nuns must die.
She pressed her fingers into her temples, trying to ease the ache in her head; but she slowly drew her fingers back, pressing them against her ears trying to drown out Camilla’s voice, ignore the words that had faded as soon as they were spoken, only for the same words to insinuate themselves into her.
It’s easy to fall in love with a Warrior Nun, but hard to love a Warrior Nun, because they are never truly your’s, and they always die.
“Enough!” She slapped her hands down on the bed, her fingers scrabbling for purchase in the quilt. She twisted her fingers in the small rags, almost reveling in the pain as she felt her fingers swell with blood that had nowhere to go.
She dropped her head, leaning forward, her chest pressing into her knees, her arms tight and strained behind her. It felt good, the pain writhing along her muscles. It blocked the pain in her chest. Almost.
She didn’t know how long she stayed in that position, seconds, minutes. But none of it mattered when she heard the knock on her door, more like an impatient slap. She was reaching barely half-way up off the bed, when Ava burst into her room.
Ava.
She couldn’t help herself, didn’t want to, and she drank in the sight of Ava’s flushed face, the wet hair slicked back from her forehead, her redolent brown eyes sparking with…something. She tried not to notice the muscles in Ava’s bare arms, the way the tank top clung to every line and curve of her body, and she definitely tried to ignore the jealousy that suddenly rose in her throat. Oh she had been jealous before, jealous of Hans, the bartender in Switzerland, jealous of anyone who tried to insinuate themselves with Ava. But jealous of a piece of cloth? A new low. A new, delicious low.
“Ava,” she breathed, as she slowly sank back down into the bed, her hands clenched around the bottom frame. “You are here.” She reached out, her arm half-lifted to Ava. And she wasn’t sure what she expected, but not for Ava to almost lunge at her, catching her hand and pulling her to her feet.
Ava couldn’t stop herself, the rush of adrenalin, the rush of need sending her careening into Bea. She caught Bea’s hand, almost yanking her to her feet, Ava’s hands finding a greedy hold, her fingers partially wrapped around the back of Bea’s neck, her thumbs pressing lightly against Bea’s cheekbones.
She rested her head forehead against Bea’s, felt Bea wrap her hands around her wrists, and for a heart-wrenching moment, she thought Bea meant to push her hands away. But when she felt Bea lean into her, the relief was so startling that she felt salt in her eyes.
“I’m here,” she whispered, her eyes closed, forehead still pressed against Bea’s. She barely dared to look up, worried she would see that same silent look, the stoic flat of Bea’s face. If she were to look up and be faced with it, she didn’t think she could bear it. So many months, they had danced around it…this thing that they dared not name. And she was so tired, so absolutely done with it all.
What if she never had another opportunity, what if the halo failed for good, and she would die, be nothing more than a heartache, a memory. She shook her head slowly, she couldn’t bear it.
“What? What is wrong?” She almost didn’t hear Bea’s words, but she felt the puff of air against her face.
“I-I died. Again.” She choked back the sob, slowly pulling back and raising her head to meet Bea’s glistening eyes. “What if…what if next time…”
“Don’t! Don’t say it!” There was no denying the sharpness of her words that cut them both.
“There won’t be a next time. There won’t!” Bea gripped Ava’s wrists harder, willing her to believe it.
“There will, Bea. There will be a next time,” she eased her body closer to Bea’s, only a whisper between their bodies, “we know this, my he…Bea.” Her voice trembled as she cut the word, killing it before it was fully born.
“No,” the word broke, the weight of the lie hanging between them.
“I can’t…I will NOT lose you!”
“Then HAVE me,” and Ava pressed her lips to Bea’s. It was an inelegant first kiss, perhaps a little too much desperation, too much teeth, but it was theirs’ and only theirs’.
*****************************************
“Are you afraid?” Ava brushed the hair back from Bea’s pink cheeks. She glanced down at Bea’s swollen, parted lips, she was sure her’s looked the same.
“Yes.”
Such a simple word, but it struck terror in Ava’s heart. “I’m sorry.” She leveraged herself up more fully on her elbow and started to swing her legs to get up. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…we don’t have to do this.”
Bea grabbed Ava’s shoulder staying her departure, and pulled Ava back down beside her.
“No, I mean I want to,” she pressed her lips to Ava’s basking in the tender warmth, “ I need to.”
Bea bit her lip, dropping her eyes afraid to admit her own truth.
“Tell me. Please.” The words were so soft, gentle, and when she raised her head to meet Ava’s eyes, she could see…see that thing they dared not say, breathing such life and desire in Ava’s eyes.
“I lo…ove…God.” She winced at the way the sparkle in Ava’s eyes dimmed slightly. “I mean…I chose to be a nun, I chose a life of service and commitment. My devotion has always been to God and God alone.”
Bea pressed her palm against Ava’s chest, curling the tips of her fingers on her clavicle. She could feel the steady beat of Ava’s heart, and it gave her the strength she needed.
“I have never questioned my love of God, but now…now there is you.” She nestled her head in the warmth of Ava’s embrace, her hand wrapping around her neck. “I am afraid of how deep my devotion is to you,” she barely whispered the words, but she knew Ava heard them by the sharp intake of her breath.
“I am afraid of what I feel for you, how deep, how all consuming it is. It isn’t even second to God, and that frightens me. Nothing and no one has ever tempted me to leave the altar of God, but I have done it anyway.”
Ava tightened her arms around Bea, unable to find the words to soothe her worry, her fear. She pressed her lips to Bea’s forehead. “I love you, Bea.” And perhaps that was all that was needed.
Bea shifted, pushing herself up slightly so she could look Ava in the eye…”Ava.”
But Ava silenced her with a kiss, pressing her gently back into the pillow, smiling against her mouth at the feel of Bea’s arms tightening around her, pulling her into Bea’s warm body.
Ava took a deep breath and then let it out abruptly, as she settled herself into the bed on her side, pressing into Bea.
“Bea, I…uh…” Ava looked down into Bea’s wide, dark eyes, feeling herself falling helplessly but hopefully.
“No, more talking, Ava. Don’t tell me, just show me.” Bea waited with baited breath, surprised by her own words. She’d thought of this very moment, rejected it, denied it, prayed fervently to forget what could be; only to eagerly embrace it again in her dreams; dreams that had woken her flushed and wet. It was an uncomfortable feeling waking with a hitching breath and throbbing between her legs. She dared not speak of it to anyone, and could barely bring herself to pray, knowing what it meant, but unwilling to fully accept it. Until now.
Bea wasn’t sure if it was the desperate fear of losing Ava that drove her to accept Ava or simply love, but it didn’t matter. She had only ever wanted to belong to God, to serve Him and her sisters. Until now. Until Ava.
Ava nodded, her mouth suddenly a little dry, and she leaned down, cupping Bea’s cheek with one hand kissing her softly. It was different than that first clashing kiss, and she took her time, not wanting to rush, but to imprint the moment onto herself, within herself, keep it forever, however long that might be.
She gently laid her body partially on top of Bea, managing to keep part of her weight off the other woman. Ava may have been shorter, but she was decidedly more muscular, and she worried that she might be heavier than was comfortable for Bea..
Ava nuzzled her face into the other girl’s neck, mumbling quietly against the soft skin, letting her lips flutter against her pulse. The words didn’t make sense. They weren’t meant to, because what made sense was the salt against her tongue as she continued to mumble in the hollow of Bea’s neck. She smiled at the slight shiver that rippled through Bea’s frame. She traced the tendons along her warm neck with her tongue, pausing every few seconds to suck lightly on the skin, scrape her teeth over the flesh.
She wasn’t entirely sure what she was doing, this was almost as new to her as she assumed to Bea, but judging by the way Bea gasped lightly and tightened her arms around Ava, she knew she had the right idea.
Ava’s muscles tightened as Bea ran her fingers up and down her spine, pressing her fingertips into her shirt. She pulled her face from the warmth of Bea’s flesh and pulled back just enough to tilt her face and place gentle kisses along Bea’s jawline. She grinned again when her teeth scraped along her jaw, and Bea shifted her hips and moved her legs restlessly.
She nibbled and sucked lightly down her jawline and then back up again, kissing the corner of Bea’s mouth, holding the kiss there with only the slightest pressure, until Bea fully turned into her, capturing Ava’s mouth with her own.
She let her right hand drift down Bea’s torso, past the ticklish ribs, past the warmth of her belly, skirting the area she most wanted to touch, to trace her fingers lightly down her thighs, until she finally reached the end of the long, cotton shirt Bea wore.
“Can I?”
Bea nodded, reaching to cup Ava’s face and draw her back into a kiss. She’d never kissed anyone before like this. She only knew the kisses of her parents when she had been but a child, and how she had sloppily returned their kisses on their cheeks. This was different, perhaps a little sloppy in its own merit, but it stirred her belly and flushed her skin.
She brushed her tongue against Ava’s lips, hesitating, wanting to press inward, but unsure of what was expected or desired. She was almost surprised by Ava’s eager lips, opening against her own, her tongue sliding against Bea’s. But she knew she shouldn’t have been shocked. She had seen the quaking eagerness, softened only by that…thing…in Ava’s eyes many times before when Ava had looked at her, moved closer to her, enveloped her into a thousand hugs.
Ava was surprised when Bea made that first tentative, but she eagerly responded, not hesitating to press her mouth to Bea’s a little more, sliding her tongue into her mouth, letting it tangle briefly with Bea’s. Her belly was warm, too warm, too quickly, and she shifted, pushing her pelvis lightly into Bea’s hip.
She slipped her hand up under the shirt, barely grazing her thighs and hip. She danced her fingertips across the toned stomach, and marveled at the smoothness of the skin. She tickled her fingers across Bea’s ribs, and smirked when she shied away from the touch and huffed at Ava’s amused chuckle. Her fingers stuttered over a rough patch high up, just under her breast, and her brows furrowed briefly as she traced the scar. She sighed tiredly at the reminder of the brutality of faith. For it was faith that demanded Bea place herself between her sisters and an angry world.
Bea stirred and cupped Ava’s face, noticing the grimace. She pressed her mouth again to Ava’s “It’s ok. It’s just a scar. A detail, a story. And someday we can talk about them.” She pressed her mouth harder against Ava’s, coaxing the grimace from her mouth. She swiped her tongue across Ava’s lips and swallowed the sigh that escaped when Ava drew her in..
They tangled in the wet warmth of each other’s mouths, both searching, hesitating, pressing forward and retreating. It was messy and right, and Ava shifted against Bea’s side, feeling the warmth whorl in her belly. She felt as if the air was being sucked out of the room, or perhaps it was her lungs. She couldn’t breathe as Bea pushed her body up slightly, and plundered and took what she wanted from Ava. Her chest ached, and she tore her mouth from Bea’s, panting hard against her neck.
She buried her face in the warmth of neck, reveling in the flush of heat that pushed against her face. She licked the slight gleam beginning to form on Bea’s neck. She dragged her tongue over the fluttering pulse and barely resisted the urge to sink her teeth into it. Instead she swirled her tongue across it, flattened her tongue hard against the pulse, and let it beat into her own flesh.
She couldn’t resist and scraped her teeth across it again, relishing the jerk of Bea’s body against her own. She sucked hard on her pulse, knowing she would leave a bruise; not caring. The cowl would cover it, and for a brief moment she hated the cowl. She wanted to leave her mark on Bea, leave it for everyone to see that Bea was hers, and she was Bea’s.
Fuck God. She would unseat him from His throne to keep Bea, for her own new, but tested devotion had never been to God but to her new sisters. And now…Always and only, Bea.
Bea groaned deep in her chest, clamping her mouth closed. She refused to let it push past her teeth, instead feeling it vibrate between her ribs. She was going to have a mark tomorrow, and she should probably be irritated that Ava had seen fit to brand her; but she couldn’t quite manage to care. Not when the little swirl of warmth in her belly was slowly twisting and swirling, and her muscles were starting to tighten deliciously. She shuddered at the feel of Ava’s tongue against her pulse, the harsh suck against her flesh.
It was hot in the room, too hot, and the stiff cotton of her nightgown itched against her skin, all her nerves unfurling and waking to the press of Ava’s hand sliding between her breasts to rest over her heart.
“It’s too much,” she whispered as she moved her legs together. She felt Ava immediately stiffen against her side, and her words tumbled out in a rush to keep Ava against her side, her mouth on her skin.
“No,” She pulled Ava back to her, clasping the hand that rested on her breast. “My nightgown…” She stared into Ava’s dark eyes, begging the other girl to know what she meant, and she sighed in relief when Ava nodded.
Ava wrestled herself up into a sitting position, wincing slightly at the stress on her bruised muscles. She helped Bea sit up, and grasped the bottom of the nightgown and raised it slowly, over Bea’s head and then dropping it to the floor.
“Can I?”
Ava nodded eagerly and raised her own arms, her skin tingling at the feel of Bea deliberately dragging her fingers against her belly and the sides of her breasts.
“Fuuuck,” she didn’t know if she hissed or sighed the word, but it was almost too loud in the room, and she flushed a little at the look on Bea’s face, that impassive quirk of her eyebrow.
“Sorry,” she muttered, but she raised her face, tilting her head back, grinning.
“You are not sorry.”
“No, I am not.”
Bea rolled her eyes at her, but a tiny smile danced at the corners of her mouth, and she knew Ava saw it, delighted in it.
Ava slowly dropped her head, letting Bea know how deliberate it was. She drank in the sight of Bea’s flushed skin, the strong collarbone standing out in relief; the heavy, round breasts topped with plumb, dark pink nipples. She licked her lips, her mouth automatically opening a little. She leaned in slightly, but then stopped, barely restraining herself.
She shifted onto her knees, leaning in close to Bea’s face, drawing her gaze. “You are so beautiful, Bea.”
Bea blushed, ducked her head imperceptibly, her gaze catching the sight of Ava’s body, smaller and paler than her, but no less beautiful. She bit her lip, unaware as her gaze lingered on the delicate collarbones,, the small breasts that she knew would fit perfectly in her hands, the defined muscles of her stomach. She could barely breathe, and she desperately wanted to reach out and touch her, touch her in places where she had never touched anyone, barely even herself. She had only ever explored her own body a few times, never quite daring to let her fingers dip below her abdomen.
“Hi.”
It was so soft but full of tender warmth, and Bea raised her gaze to meet Ava’s shining eyes, and the smile unfurled unabashedly across her lips.
“Hi, yourself,” she murmured as she reached for Ava’s hands, clasping them almost reverently and raising them to her lips, brushing softly across the knuckles, and then wetly tracing each knuckle, swirling her tongue across them, and then dipping between.
“Hnnnnnnngh,” Ava grunted, her eyes transfixed, captured in Bea’s gaze, who never shied from their shared gaze.
When Bea dropped a final kiss on her knuckles, Ava couldn’t resist any longer and pushed into Bea, toppling the other girl back into the bed. They were a tangle of limbs, struggling to right themselves onto the bed, their hands grasping at each other, digging into muscle and warm flesh, their mouths sealed together, exploring their hidden depths.
Bea could feel the flush rising from her bones, from her muscles, pushing against her skin, painting her in light pinks and reds. She jerked her hips, and moved her legs, trying to tangle them again with Ava’s. She could feel Ava’s rippling body against her side, feel the warm pelvis push into the top of her hip.
Bea wrapped her arms fully around Ava’s back, relishing the feel of the warm flesh beneath her palms. She tried to pull Avas full weight on herself, and hugged in annoyance when Ava refused to move. “Ava,” she whined as she pressed her fingers into the small dimples at the base of Ava’s spine. Her fingertips brushed the edge of the soft cotton pants Ava wore, and she was suddenly, acutely aware that she was entirely naked beneath Ava, and Ava still had her pants on.
She slipped her fingers under the band of her pants, pushing outward and up and then letting the band snap back.
Ava grunted at the snap, and raised her head. “Yeeeees?”
“Off,” Bea whispered it against the warmth of Ava’s neck, her lips finding a delectable purchase on her skin. She licked and sucked lightly, delighting in the way Ava sighed and craned her neck to give Bea better access. She was so distracted that she almost forgot Bea’s request.
She reluctantly pulled away, one arm still around Bea, as she used the other to try and push her pants down, but she couldn’t find the necessary leverage.
“Help,” she almost pleaded, almost desperate now to rid herself of the pants, and she only marginally relaxed when she felt Bea wiggle around, her hands grabbing the pants and pulling them down. It took a few flailing legs and twists, but finally the pants were off and kicked to the bottom of the bed.
She rolled until she was again partially laying on Bea, her lips immediately finding the fluttering pulse in her neck, her palm resting flat against Bea’s lower abdomen, before dragging her hand, slowly up Bea’s belly to the underside of her breasts.
She looked at Bea, searching her face for a brief moment before smiling and tracing her fingers lightly on the underside of her breasts. She marveled at the softness of the delicate skin, tracing the shape of Bea’s breast with her fingers, anxious to use her tongue, wondering how Bea would taste, feel against her tongue. The image in her mind made her clench her thighs together at the thought of how Bea would taste…elsewhere. How the slick flesh would feel against her tongue.
She leaned down and blew gently across Bea’s breasts, her fingers curving around the outside of her left breast, skimming across the nipples starting to ripen and plump. She placed a tender kiss on each breast, letting her head rest a moment against Bea’s breasts.
“My heart.”
Ava froze when she heard the husky burr of the endearment.. Her eyes widened, when Bea repeated the soft words. It was husky, soft, enticing, and meant only for her. She shivered at the way Bea said it. She could almost feel the way the older girl’s tongue curled around the syllables, caressing each one, rolling them in her mouth before opening and letting them drop past her lips. Ava groaned and shifted, throwing her right leg over Bea’s hips, and pulling herself up, until she was on all fours above the other girl..
“My heart.”
Ava dropped low, her body pushing hard into Bea’s, and her eager mouth found Bea’s, her tongue pushing roughly past Bea’s teeth. She wanted those words. She wanted to feel them against her lips, taste them on her tongue. No one had ever said such a thing to her before, had called her such a powerful name, and she was enthralled.
Bea gladly let her in, let her plunder her mouth for those words. She rolled her tongue around Ava’s, hissing in her mouth, and she let out a muffled yelp when Ava caught her tongue between her teeth and bit lightly, then sucked Bea’s tongue fully into her hot mouth, not letting go.
She clutched hard at Ava’s back, feeling the muscles twitch and bunch. She squirmed and her breath hitched as Ava continued to suck on her tongue, and she felt the air trickling out of her lungs, as she was having trouble drawing in breath against the tight seal of their mouths. She pushed firmly against Ava’s upper shoulders until she finally released her mouth with a wet pop.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…”
Bea cut her off, “No, it was perfect, it made me a little dizzy.”
Ava sat back on her haunches, straddling Bea’s hips. She pressed down against Bea’s pelvis, and smiled when she felt the answering upward thrust. She let the warmth in her belly curl and swish through her muscles. She looked down at Bea’s face, admiring the swollen and slightly bruised lips. Her skin was flushed and moist in the low candlelight, and her dark eyes gleamed with flecks of green and gold. She felt the desire cut through her lower belly, and she shifted again, more than conscious of the moisture that had gathered between her thighs.
Bea lay there, her hands still loosely clasping Ava’s shoulders, She let her fingers trail down Ava’s breasts, pausing at her nipples that had hardened. She licked her lips, wondering what they would feel like, taste like in her mouth. She leaned up, sliding her arms fully around Ava’s waist, pulling her up on her knees and latched on to her collarbone. She nibbled and slid her tongue across its length, smiling into the wet flesh as Ava shuddered in her arms. She licked and sucked at the hollow of Ava’s throat, pulling the flesh between her teeth. She left behind little lilac imprints of her teeth, and after each bite, she soothed it with her tongue.
Bea wasn’t sure where her courage came from, her complete disregard for her usual modesty, she was only conscious of the desire building in the cathedral of her ribs, the wetness gathering between her thighs, the heat she couldn’t escape whorling in her belly. Perhaps it was the desire, the wanting to love and be loved, to make the Warrior Nun her’s fully her’s.
She knew she had to share Ava with the world, but tonight, in her bed, Ava was hers alone.
Ava grunted when she felt the teeth in the hollow of her throat, and she pushed her body harder into Bea’s arms, surprised by the sudden desperate emotion in Bea’s kisses. But still waters run deep, and she eagerly dived in.
“Touch me.”
Bea felt the words against the flesh of her neck, not sure if they had even reached her ears.
Ava reached down and cupped Bea’s cheeks gently, enjoying the heat against her palms. She slipped her fingers into long brown, and scratched her fingers along her scalp, earning herself a delicious pant from pink lips.
Bea surged forward hard, capturing Ava’s left nipple in her mouth. AVa grunted in surprise and automatically tightened her grasp on Bea’s head. That had been…unexpected. But she felt the moisture between her thighs thicken when the Bea sucked hard on her nipple and curled her tongue around it. She tried to squeeze her hips together, but Bea’s hips prevented much movement.
She cupped the back of Bea’s head, pulling her more firmly to her breast, and then pushed forward, steadying her weight behind Bea with a firmly planted hand. She pressed down until Bea got the hint and lay back down. Ava shifted, slipping one leg between Bea’s, and brought her thigh up against her heat. She pressed and was immediately rewarded with a sharp puff of air against her breast.
Ava whimpered when Bea pushed down hard on her thigh, and she pressed up again. It was an awkward rhythm, seemingly filled with more stops than starts, and she huffed a little in frustration. Her body was hunched unnaturally since Bea still hadn’t let go of the nipple she was playing with, not that she was complaining, but it wasn’t allowing her the access she wanted. She pulled her thigh back, and her leg out from between Bea’s legs and was rewarded with a hard bite to her nipple. She hissed at the sudden pain, but it immediately faded into a tender heat. She slid her arms underneath Bea and pulled hard while rolling on to her back.
She plopped, quite ungracefully, back onto the bed, her back pressing into the little knots of the rag quilt. But it mattered not, for the older girl was lying on her side, mostly draped over Ava. Their legs and arms were tangled, and the Bea’s weight was warm and heavy against her. She pulled Bea’s mouth to her own, kissing with an almost desperate abandon, and she felt Bea scrabble lightly against the bed to push up against her mouth. Their teeth clinked and their tongues slid messily against each other, and she hummed against Bea’s mouth, and pushed her back, squirming out from under her until she had managed to get Bea on her back again.
Bea didn’t care that she was on her back again, she loved the weight of Ava laying on her chest and belly. She reached up, cupping Ava’s breasts. She knew almost nothing of sex, and only knew of her desire for Ava, and she didn’t know if it was normal for women to feel so excited at the sight and touch of breasts, but she more than a little infatuated with the silky, pale globes that fit perfectly in her hands. She wanted to taste the hard, little nipples again that fit perfectly against her tongue. But Ava was kissing her more insistently, running her hand up her stomach until it came to rest between the valley of her own breasts.
Bea hadn’t really considered Ava touching her breasts so intimately until now, and she held her breath unconsciously when she felt slender fingers lightly trace the sides of her breast again, skipping lightly over the tightening skin. She hummed quietly, when slender fingers found purchase around her nipples and rolled them lightly, tugging gently, not enough to hurt, but enough to make her feel an answering tug deep in her belly. Her clit twitched, and she stared wide eyed at Ava, as fingers that continued to map her breasts. She was surprised by her body’s reaction, and she clenched her thighs against the building pressure. Both dreading and eagerly anticipating it.
“I-I don’t really know what I’m doing.” Bea barely whispered the words, blushing at her own admission.
“Neither do, so I am just going to love you.”
Bea smiled despite the salt in her eyes and slipped her fingers behind Ava’s neck, cupping her head, curling her fingers through the soft hair. She pulled her towards herself lightly whispering her name softly. Her eyes fluttered shut when she felt the heat of Ava’s mouth wrap around her nipple, and she didn’t bother to choke back the groan that pushed past her teeth. She squeezed her thighs tighter, whimpering at the pulsing she could feel in her slick flesh. She wanted more, and she instinctively, with no deliberation, pumped her hips futilely in the air, unable to find purchase on anything to help relieve the growing ache.
Ava hummed around the nipple in her mouth, enjoying the feel of the dark pink swell in her mouth. She sucked lightly, flicking her tongue back and forth over the nipple, pleased when it hardened even more into a tight bud. She licked it, and played gently with it, occasionally dragging her teeth over the pebbled flesh. She was rewarded by Bea’s hand tightening in her hair, and the other hand scrabbling for purchase on her shoulder. She switched her attention to the other nipple, playing with it, suckling for a brief moment, enjoying how it swelled in her mouth.
But she could feel the sharp pump of Bea's hips underneath her, and she shifted a little to the side as she trailed her fingers down Bea’s belly, passing the thatch of hair between her legs. For now.
She trailed her fingers down the tops of Bea’s thighs, noting the soft hair. That answered that question. She raised her head and glanced down, smiling a little at the way the short thatch between Bea’s thighs glistened in the candlelight. She let her hand stray close enough to feel Bea’s heat.
“You’re wet,” she murmured, unaware she had said it allowed until she felt Bea stiffen.
She glanced up, smiling at the heat flaming in Bea’s cheeks, but she realized that Bea wouldn’t quite meet her eyes, instead the older girl, nervously chewing on her lower lip, clearly embarrassed.
“And it is beautiful, as beautiful as you.” She shifted and started down into Bea’s eyes. “Honestly, I was afraid, afraid you might not enjoy me touching you, but this,” she skimmed the tips of her fingers lightly over the curly hair, “this is proof that you want me, that you want us to have this.”
Ava flicked her tongue out, smoothing over the lower lip the girl was worrying. She sucked it gently between her lips, and pressed gently against her sex. She pulled back and shifted so she could rest her forehead against Ava’s, “It’s perfect. You’re perfect. I’m glad you are wet.” She dropped kisses along the girl’s nose and cheeks, finally drawing a relieved sigh from the Bea. “I want you to be wet. For me. Because of me,” she kissed Bea hard, cupping her sex and squeezing, then dragging her fingertips up and over her mound splaying her hand against her lower abdomen.
Bea could only nod, her throat closing with the tears welling in her eyes. In the few moments when she had indulged herself in thinking of Ava like this, she had wondered how it would be, what would Ava say? Do? Would she want Bea as much as Bea would want her? Would Ava understand Bea’s hesitance, her embarrassment? And now she had her answer.
She nodded at Ava, too overwhelmed to speak.
She nudged Bea’s legs open a little, her hand hovering above Bea’s sex.
“May I?”
She felt the breathy yes against her neck, where Bea had hid her burning face. She felt her chest swell and ache with love for this woman, and her eyes prickled with unexpected tears. She gently maneuvered Bea’s limbs so that she was kneeling between the older girl’s legs. She leaned forward, placing a hand on either side of Bea’s shoulders.
“I’ve never done this before. If I do something you don’t like, please tell me. Tell me what you want.”
She nuzzled her nose and face against Bea’s shoulder, worrying the strong muscle with her teeth, and then soothing it with her tongue. She pushed her knees out from under her, so she was laying between Bea’s legs, and it only took a small amount of pressure for Bea to bend her legs and bring them up slightly, so Ava could fit in the cradle of her thighs. She ground down lightly, beaming when Bea’s eyes glazed over slightly. She dropped little kisses along Bea’s flushed neck. She wiggled lower, sucking and licking her breasts, enjoying the feel of the girl squirming against her. She licked and nibbled her way down the taut belly, her hands running up and down the girl’s sides, massaging the flesh between her fingertips.
She sat back on her knees again, and reached down, tugging Bea’s legs up more, bending them at the knee and then pushing out lightly, opening Bea up to her gaze. She felt her mouth drop open slightly, and her tongue felt thick in her mouth. Bea was beautiful. She tenderly ran one finger through the short hair covering her sex. It was carefully trimmed, and she was surprised.
‘What? What’s wrong?”
Ava jerked her gaze up to meet Bea’s anxious eyes. “Nothing, nothing is wrong. I’m sorry, I was just surprised that you so…uh…closely trimmed her.”
Bea pushed herself onto her elbows, “Is that bad?”
“No! It is perfect, whatever you decide is perfect. It would still be perfect if you had an entire bush there!” She practically spit out the words, rushing to reassure Bea.
Bea chuckled at the look on Ava’s face, as the younger rushed to reassure.
“It makes for good hygiene. Do you…?” She let the words trail away, too embarrassed to ask directly.
Ava nodded, “Yes, although I have less…there.”
“Oh.” Bea bit her lip, suddenly anxious to see Ava, drink in the sight of her entire body.
“I want to see you.”
Ava heard it for what it was, and she nodded, raising her body, so she was on her knees between Bea’s legs.
Bea twisted around, searching for the two pillows that she had scrunched into the corner, she sat up, dragging them behind her, and fussing with them, until she leaned back, now slightly propped up, so she could better see Ava.
Ava tried not to squirm under Bea’s heated gaze, surprised with the intensity of it. She shifted, parting her legs further, so Bea could see better, and she smiled at Bea’s grunt.
Bea licked her lips, her eyes drinking in the sight of the strong parted thighs. She knew the power of those thighs having fought and wrestled with Ava countless times in training. She wondered if she would feel the same power with Ava’s thighs and legs clasped around her. She almost choked at the thought, all the moisture in her mouth swiftly moved south to find a home between her legs.
She let her eyes follow the natural line of Ava’s thighs, her mouth parting slightly in a silent gasp at the sight of the narrow strip of tightly clipped hair. She could see the dark pink of Ava’s folds, and she felt dizzy at the thought of touching her there, in the most intimate part of her.
Ava’s thighs trembled a little at the hungry heat of Bea’s gaze, and she wasn’t sure how long she could stay upright on her knees. She was made wanting under Bea’s gaze.
“I need to…” She didn’t bother to finish the sentence, Bea was already nodding.
She pushed her knees out from under her, settling again in the cradle of Bea’s thighs, smiling a little at the way the other girl opened her legs wide. Much wider.
Ava let out a satisfied sigh as she rested her fingers on the outside of Bea’s hips, slowly bringing them up over the hips bones, brushing the protruding bones with her thumbs, before leaning forward and softly kissing along her hips, her tongue dipping into the little hollows.
She pulled her arms inward a little, pushing her shoulders more firmly between Bea’s thighs, so she could reach her inner thighs. She let her fingers drift gently in random patterns against the tender skin.She lightly brushed her thumbs across coarse curls, smiling when she felt Bea shudder briefly under her hands. She danced her fingertips along until she could no longer resist and pressed her fingers flat against Bea’s sex. She waited for a moment, allowing Bea to adjust to the weight of her hand.
She lay her head on the top of Bea’s thigh, smiling at the feel of the warm skin. She trailed her left hand up Bea’s side, coming to rest against her rib cage. She blew across the curls, almost giggling at the way Bea shuddered and shifted. She gently combed her fingers through the curls, going a little lower each time, barely pressing inward, but her fingers itched slip between her folds.
Bea lay there, lounging against the pillows, her eyes glued to the hand that touched her. She reached down, her fingers, easing into Ava’s hair, playing with the silky strands, before reaching across for Ava’s hand pressed against her ribs. She raised it to her mouth, kissing the palm, gently nibbling her way up the fingers, and not knowing why she did it, only knowing she must; she sucked her fingers into her mouth, swirling her tongue between the digits. She felt Ava’s entire body shudder, and it woke something bright and hot inside of her chest.
“My Heart.” She whispered them against Ava’s fingers, and she knew the words traveled down her arm to slam into Ava by the way the other girl suddenly jerked.
Ava grunted, her pulse thrashing in her neck at the sweet suckle of Bea’s mouth. And the words sent her reeling, her eyes glazing over a little.
She squeezed Bea’s sex, not nearly enough to hurt, only to indicate her desire, and she gently pressed her fingertips between Bea’s folds.
She was greeted with sticky wetness, and she couldn’t hold back the small groan, as she slid her fingers up and down between Bea’s folds, marveling at the slick feel.
She continued her quiet exploration, noting each grunt and squirm from Bea. She drew one finger over her clit, smiling at the way Bea’s hips jumped, and she touched it gently, circling it, slowly drawing out the bud from its hood.
She breathed deeply, inhaling Bea’s scent. It filled her nose and lay heavy on her tongue, slightly musky and earthy. She clicked her teeth together, then dragged her tongue along the bottoms of her front teeth. She scraped her tongue repeatedly, her chest heaving as she tried to etch the scent forever in her mind.
She blew across the wet curls and then leaned down, flattening her tongue against Bea, wiggling it slightly, delving into the short hair. She groaned the sensation, dipped her head down, and filled her mouth with Bea.
She simply held her briefly in her mouth then pulled back and slid her thumbs up the inside of her folds, pulling them apart gently so she could look at the glistening flesh in front of her. She blew lightly across Bea’s inner folds, slightly enamored with the way that her flesh clenched and shivered. Her sex was a deep rosy red, glistening with silky gloss. Her inner lips were like soft petals, and Ava purred deep in her chest when she slid her tongue along the folds. She sucked them in between her lips, running her tongue along the furled edges.
Bea tightened against Ava’s mouth, groaning at the unexpected heat of Ava’s mouth against her wet sex. She felt the heat in her belly expand and fill her muscles as they strained for more. Her toes curled slightly, and she felt tingles rushing along her skin. She widened her legs further to give Ava room, hooking one leg behind her back to hold her closer, trying to ignore the growing urge to simply trap Ava’s face between her thighs. She tried to steady her trembling muscles, breathing deeply and exhaling in a harsh rush, but she couldn’t focus long enough to regain control of her body, as she felt Ava’s tongue insistently push between her folds, tracing her moist flesh.
She had heard of these kinds of intimacies before, and she had once overheard Mary and Shannon talking in low tones. She hadn’t known what to think of the slight clench in her belly or the way her thoughts had immediately strayed. She had never felt this type of desire before, and she had pushed it from her mind.
Ava flattened her tongue and licked up the center of Bea’s sex, letting the tip of her tongue rest on the underside of Bea’s clit. She gently traced the little nodule with her tongue, simply letting her get used to the weight of her tongue. She circled around her clit, then flicked her tongue across the tip of it. She coaxed it gently from its hood again, and when she felt it begin to swell a little, she rolled her tongue letting her clit slip into the tube of her tongue. She flexed her tongue around it, gently massaging the sides of her clit, and she felt it swell more. She bobbed her head up and down, and felt the growing wetness against her chin.
Bea groaned, her fingers digging into the quilt. It wasn’t enough to ground her from the wild, unnerving heat growing in her muscles. She reached down blindly, unable to open her eyes against the onslaught. She only relaxed slightly when she was able to grab Ava’s shoulder, digging her short nails into the welcoming flesh.
She felt the heat coil harshly in her belly, making her muscles strain and tighten. She arched into Ava’s mouth, and she could feel the air hit the dampness that had gathered at her lower back. She was flushed and sweltering against the quilt, twisting her body searching for something more that sat on the edges of her senses. She mumbled in frustration when she felt Ava’s tongue relax and let go of her clit, but she groaned when she felt the wet muscle trace her opening. Her swollen, inner muscles instinctively tried to grab the tip of Ava’s tongue and pull her in, but Ava resisted, pulling back and continuing to trace around her opening, gathering the wetness along her tongue only to smear it messily against her clit.
But it wasn’t long before Ava pressed her tongue against Bea’s opening, dipping inward the tiniest bit and withdrawing, again, and again, until she pushed firmly, burying her tongue as deep as it could go inside of Bea. She groaned at the feel of the velvety muscles grasping at her tongue, and she twisted her tongue, pulling back slightly and then pushing in again. She longed to push her fingers inside of Bea, touch her as deeply as possible, but she hesitated, unsure if Bea was ready, if she was ready. So instead, she simply pushed further, her tongue licking and scraping inside of Bea, her head filled with the taste of her, the sounds of Bea’s heavy panting and gasping, the stink of her nails in her shoulder.
She panted hard against Bea’s swollen sex, much of her face was wet from Bea’s glistening sex. Her musk lay heavy on her tongue, and she was overwhelmed with the urge to simply bury her face inside of Bea, even as she pulled out., instead grinding her tongue against Bea’s swollen clit. She hummed hard against it, knowing she would feel the vibrations, and she was rewarded with Bea garbling her name, and her thighs closing around her head.
The books were right.
Ava reached up and pulled Bea’s thighs open so she could breathe. She rolled her tongue again, fitting the opening against Bea’s clit, and let it slide in. She shivered at the feel, and she flexed her tongue around the pulsating nodule. She massaged it and bopped her head again, feeling it harden and swell.
Bea closed her eyes tightly, seeing shapes and colored shadows flickering and fading. She could feel the swelling in her clit, and she was sure it would burst. She had never felt this bursting pressure before. But this, this little death that was creeping up on her, threatening to steal her breath, her sight, her everything. It was just out of reach, sitting blurry and sharp on the edges of her nerves. She wanted to grasp it and pull it towards her, inside of her and feel it explode and shimmer. She wanted to explode and shimmer against AVa, inside of her mouth. And with one last insistent tug on her clit, Bea felt the cold burn sweep up through her straining muscles, and her mouth fell open, and Ava’s names tumbled past her lips, straining and brutal.
Her chest heaved and her sex clenched and she was sure she dying as she pushed her sex into Ava’s mouth, begging her to take more, give her more. Her body jerked once, twice, and she groaned feebly tapping Ava’s shoulder. She wanted the burning in her muscles to stop, but at the same time yearned for it to never end. She let out a choked sob when she felt Ava’s hot mouth close sharply around her clit and suck hard. She bucked up her hips and she felt the burning in her toes, and this time it itched its way up her legs and buried itself in her belly. The sharp lancing heat in her belly made her want to scream but she didn’t, as the tendrils of heat seeped through her fatigued muscles, and she shook in Ava’s arms, whimpering and begging. Begging for her to stop, begging for her to never stop, as her second orgasm pulsed along her shredded nerves.
Ava suckled the straining bundle of nerves, milking Bea’s second orgasm from her, determined to carry her through it. She felt the hot moisture bathe her chin twice, and she groaned around Bea’s clit, as the girl pumped her hips against her mouth. She held her hips firmly, letting Bea buck and pump against her, but not smash her mouth too hard. The orgasm was a riptide, and Ava only let go, once Bea slowly stopped shuddering, her falling open, splayed like a broken rag doll.
Avalicked her lips, enjoying the sticky cum painting her lips. She tenderly kissed Bea’s clit, the overused nodule red and hard. She just barely resisted swirling her tongue around it again. She felt hands in her hair tugging at her, clearly commanding her to crawl up Bea’s body, which she did reluctantly, not ready to leave the wet heat behind.
“I-I…that was…I,” she stuttered, not finding the words to describe how she felt, so instead she simply opened her arms to Ava, sighing in relief and joy as Ava settled her weight upon her.
Ava slid her palms under Bea’s shoulders and kissed the girl, letting her taste her sticky sweetness on her lips.
Bea made a face when she tasted herself on Ava’s lips. “Shush. It’s good. You taste good. Sweet and salty.” She licked her lips and then leaned down, rubbing her sticky chin across Bea’s lips. She smiled when Bea blushed.
“I’ll get it,” Ava murmured and swiped her tongue across Bea’s lips, feeling it tack on her tongue. She dragged her tongue against the bottom of her teeth, scraping it off her tongue and swallowing. She nuzzled her face into Bea’s neck, smiling at the feel of the slight sheen on her skin.
She tucked her face into the warm, damp crook of Bea’s neck, slowly relaxing at the feel of Bea’s fingers tracing little circles and spirals upon her back, tracing the halo beneath her skin.
There was so much she wanted to say, but the events of the day were catching up to her. While the halo had brought her back to life, and had healed most of her wounds, she still had bruises and ached from the crash.
She smiled, happy, content. She drifted off to sleep with the sound of Bea’s heart in her ear.
*****************************************
It had taken some careful maneuvering, but she had finally managed to slip out from under Ava. She stood and glanced down at Ava’s naked body glistening gold in the candlelight. Her heart ached at the sight of the small smile on Ava’s lips, how young and innocent she looked in sleep. She pulled the edge of the quilt up and over Ava’s body, covering her as best as she could.
She fumbled around for a minute trying to walk on her weak legs. The stickiness between her legs reminded her that she was no longer God’s. She was Ava’s, heart, soul, and body, and it couldn’t be undone. Her devotion and commitment was to Ava and Ava alone.
She closed her eyes for a moment, remembering the feel of Ava’s mouth against her, the knowing press of her tongue against Bea’s intimate flesh, Ava’s tongue pushing into her. She bit her lip at the sudden cramping in her belly that faded into a soft heat.
She longed to simply climb back into her bed with Ava and shut out the rest of the world. She grabbed her habit hanging on the wall, pulling it on over her head, struggling to tuck her messy hair into the cowl, before finally deciding it didn’t matter if there were some strands of hair askew.
****************************************
Bea knelt on the hard stone before the altar, her rosary clutched between her damp palms. Her head was bowed, but she couldn’t find the usual quietness she sought. She heard the tap tap of Mother Superior’s cane as the older woman slowly made her way out of the alcove off to the side, but she dared not raise her eyes to the giant crucifix that hung over the altar, nor to Mother Superior.
Mother Superior stood there noting the slight tremble in Bea, the girl was known for her calmness under great pressure, her almost stoic manner in all things. She saw the slight flush in Bea’s cheeks, the few hairs clinging to her damp forehead. Whatever the girl had been doing prior had driven her to the altar before she had cleaned and made herself presentable. So unlike her to do so.
“Look at me.” The voice was soft but firm, and normally Bea would have immediately acquiesced, but she hesitated.
Mother Superior said nothing more, simply stepped forward, pressing her fingers to the underside of Bea’s chin, gently forcing Bea to meet her stare.
“I see.” Her voice was flat, barely any inflection, and Mother Superior crossed her wrists in front of her, clasping her cane in both hands as she leaned forward into it slightly.
The silence grew to be too much, Mother Superior had learned patience in her long convalescence many years before.
“Mother, I have…” Bea couldn’t bear to say it, because touching Ava, feeling the weight of her laying across her breasts had felt…right, like they simply fit, that it was always meant to be.
“Rise,” her voice was clipped, and she turned and tapped her way to the altar, pulling one of the long, slim tapers from the vase. She lit one of the small candles nestled in a row of dozens. She handed the taper to Bea, and watched out of the corner of her eye at the small tremble in the girl’s hand as she lit a candle.
“Love is not a sin. God created love, and he endowed within us a holy need to love and be loved. It was His greatest gift to us, for was not his death both a gift of salvation and love.”
Mother Superior reached out and squeezed Bea’s arm, “Despite what priests, bishops, and popes may tell you; Love, in all of its many glories, is the final sacrament. Not death, my child, but love.”
She waited a moment, wondering if Bea actually heard her. “I do not judge you, nor condemn you.”
She sighed. “My child, there has always been a nun within these walls who has loved the warrior nun.” She turned and faced Bea waiting until the girl turned and looked at her.
“Shannon loved me, although she never spoke of it to me, but I knew. I knew her devotion was to me. I loved her deeply, but only as a sister. Much to my own regret,” she murmured, smiling slightly at the way Bea’s eyes widened.
“And Mary…Shotgun Mary, she loved Shannon so keenly; and Shannon, I think, was starting to accept it and return Mary’s love.” She chuckled, “although Shannon tried many times to push Mary away to distance herself, but Mary was not to be dissuaded.”
She tapped her cane loudly against the floor, forcing Bea to look her in the eye again. “You are not the first, nor will you be the last to question your devotion to God, to deny your feelings, to battle your faith, to eventually accept the truth that there is one you love more than God.”
She cocked her head slightly, her eyes searching Bea’s face, noting again the girl’s quiet disarray, the mark upon her neck that wasn’t quite covered up. She wasn’t ignorant of the glances, the casual but deliberate touches between the two girls.
“But it appears that you may be more lucky than the others, for it appears as if the Warrior Nun both accepts your love and gives it in return. But I suppose the true question is whether or not you will accept your own love for Ava.”
She glanced upward, her eyes straying to the vaulted arches above them. “Or perhaps you are just as unlucky as the ones before you,” she murmured.
“What do you mean? Why am I unlucky?”
Mother Superior turned slowly, her face quiet and resolute.
“Because all Warrior Nuns must die.”
She turned then and slowly limped her way down the long aisle, her back straight, but her lips trembling. She could see them now, the long line of warrior nuns, her own personal ghosts, who had come before her, sitting in the pews; some with their heads down, perhaps in prayer, others sitting within their own silence, their eyes never straying from the cross.
And some turned their head to her as she marched forward, their eyes strained upon her gait, her face. They did not speak, perhaps they could not, she didn’t know.
She had loved them all, her sisters, even the ones who came so far before her, they weren’t even memories, but she knew their names.
Cicely. Tara. Lexa. Silvia. Jadzia. Flora. Servilla. Dusty. Dana. Helena. Gina. Lily. Toshiko. Jenny. Dahlia. Nadia. Sophie Ann. Gaia. So many. Too many.
The average lifespan of a warrior nun was less than a year, and her heart clenched at the inevitability of Ava’s death. She grit her teeth, a prayer forming on her lips.
Father God, I beseech you. Do not take her. I am not ready to lose Bea to the oblivion of her own destruction should you take Ava. Mary is gone, I can not bear to lose more. I beseech you.
She continued to her study, heaving the heavy wooden door open, letting it shut behind her and falling back into, denying the sob rising in her chest. For despite the fear, the tear that dripped and dried upon her cheek, she was hollowed out. Her faith felt more like a husk than a foundation to build upon.
Do you hear me? Are you listening?
She wondered if she even cared anymore. Her true devotion was to her daughters, birthed within her heart; for wasn’t the heart greater than the womb?
She pushed herself off the door, carefully picking her way to her desk and slumping into the chair.
All Warrior Nuns must die. The halo kills them slowly, inch by inch, uses them up, until it is ready to pass on to another.
All Warrior Nuns must die. Except her. No, the halo had rejected her, and the rejection was a death within itself. And God…God had not heard her since.
She rubbed her hands together and shivered. Despite the sunlight streaming through the windows near her, she could still feel a chill. For ever since the halo had torn itself from her flesh, she had never truly felt warmth again.
Always. Always, she could feel the cold settle into her flesh.
She grasped the cross hanging from her neck, her prayers dying somewhere in her throat. Instead she cursed, before reaching for one of the many books lying open before her.
Adriel. The cause of it all. Fucking Adriel.
**********************************
Bea slipped quietly back into the room, quickly peeling off her habit and dropping it to the floor. Her neat and orderly life was now a mess, her room might as well be. She eased onto the bed, rolling onto her side and stared at Ava.
She couldn’t resist and reached out, brushing the hair from her cheek. She inched closer, pressing her lips to her forehead, then her nose, her cheek, and the corner of her mouth.
“Mmmmmmm,” Ava slowly opened her eyes, blinking a few times before smiling up into Bea’s face.
“You are so beautiful that it actually hurts.” Ava reached for her, the tiny tendrils of want stirring within her.
Bea smiled, Mother Superior’s words still fresh. It was inevitable. There was always a Warrior Nun, and there was always one who loved the Warrior Nun, and devoted herself entirely to the Warrior Nun. There was nothing left to fear, even if they only had this moment, then they still had each other.
“I love you, my heart.” She pressed her body into Ava’s, pressing her back into the bed, covering her body with her own. “I’m yours, even beyond death. And you are mine.”
“Thank fucking God,” muttered Ava, as she tightly drew Bea into herself.