Work Text:
I Kissed a Cute Boy from Kansas
When Rebecca had told Ted and Beard, in their office, that ‘mistletoe wasn’t really a thing’ it took their mystified faces for her to have to explain it in more detail – it was obvious that both took her words too literally, as if Rebecca was standing before them trying to denounce the reality of a plant.
“We understand the concept, but other than the incredibly pompous parties with politicians my parents would make us attend when I was a teenager, it’s just not something we tend to do here… also after getting accidentally caught underneath one by a man old and half-rotting enough to be my poor late grandfather, I don’t have very fond memories of it.”
There was a little lull there, both men were getting used to the side of Rebecca they were seeing more often. The one that shared parts of her life a little easier, since therapy which was nice, but it also meant that she would occasionally throw out a statement that was absolutely traumatising to think about, with barely a shrug of a shoulder and that always threw them for a loop.
“Pompous parties with politicians,” Ted repeated, smiling, “I like that. Pompous parti-”
“Up for making some good memories?” Beard interrupted his friend, his statement cool and to the point and Ted looked over at him with a cheeky grin.
“Not the team Christmas party?”
“Ooh, yes! Come on, Boss, it’ll be a hoot!”
“Okay, but you’re on Keeley duty,” she managed to point at the both of them, starting to make her way out of the room, “she gets three kisses from me and then she’s cut off.”
It wasn’t a surprise to anyone there that Keeley was the first one to sneak a kiss with Rebecca – what was surprising is the absolute stealth in which the shorter woman managed to secure her lips onto Rebecca’s without much preamble at all. Most of the team seemed to dodge out of the way of the offending plants whenever they were near Rebecca – it wasn’t as though she wasn’t their boss and the fact that she was insanely attractive didn’t help. Colin happily (and incredibly drunkenly) grabbed her face with two soft hands and kissed her with a loud ‘mwah’ and absolutely zero feeling that had her bent over laughing as she pushed his shoulder and wiped her mouth.
Ted stood back and waited. Only slightly because he could only receive so many kisses from Dani before he felt a little like a conversation would be needed, but mostly it was because he didn’t want to end up with an audience once he finally ended up under the mistletoe with Rebecca. Not that he wanted to act like he was a predator in any manner, especially not in relation to first kisses with the woman he knew he loved and hoped maybe liked him enough back… but he worried that if he missed his shot there would be no natural way to make it reoccur and he couldn’t help but feel a little like sand was slipping through his fingers when he came to making a move.
Beard had cornered him, earlier that night, a raised eyebrow and arms folded over his chest, he didn’t speak but Ted answered his questions anyway.
“I don’t know why I’m nervous, Coach… something about this just seems a lot bigger than anything else I’ve done. Yeah, yeah… I know, I upped and moved to a whole different country and that’s a big ol’scary thing but… she’s Rebecca Welton. Don’t look at me like that. I know I’m ‘Ted Lasso’ and I mighty enjoy you thinkin’ that’s a big deal, too… what if she doesn’t like me?”
“She’s worth the risk.”
Ted had raised his eyebrows at that, because it wasn’t a question, it was as true a statement as anything that came from Beard’s mouth. She was worth it because if she did like him? If she did want to be with him? The adventures they could end up having… the lives they could live...
There was a little commotion and some whooping from the direction of one of the hot spots where the one of the pieces of mistletoe hung. A little voice provided him with a ‘strike three and you’re out’ and he turned, expecting to see Keeley cashing in on her third (and unlikely) final Rebecca kiss of the night, when he found his eyes going wide.
It was Rebecca. Rebecca with her cheeks a little flushed and a smile still on her lips as went to kiss his best friend. His other best friend. It was the type of friendly kiss, at first, where it was earning them a little chuckle but Ted could see it. See the moment the curiosity kicked in, little frown lines forming between Rebecca’s eyebrows as she, right there, for all the world to see, deepened the kiss.
He was happy, in some weird way, that Beard had finally managed to wipe Jane off as the last woman that he’s kissed. It seemed like a good kiss, too, considering Beard had decided to bring Rebecca’s body in a little closer to his, the hand that held the beer bottle resting on her hip, guiding her.
“They look hot as fuck,” Keeley offered from the side of him, but he couldn’t spare her a glance – what if he witnessed it right here, the moment he lost the two of them, they’d kiss and fall in love and the Cher song would taunt him for the rest of his life. “Ted, can you tell, are they goin’ like full on tongue and everything?”
“No…” he said, his voice a little smaller than he wanted it to be, but he knew for certain that there was, at very least, no tongue.
“Good,” he looked at her then, and she shrugged, “she told me no tongue, missy and I didn’t want to get jea- aw… they’re done.”
He shot his head back to the general area, some of the people cheering for the end of the kiss and he was curious about the look on both of their faces. Rebecca was pleasantly chuckling, but those frown lines remained, and Beard look passive as ever, squinting at his beer bottle before walking away – missing the way Rebecca’s eyes trailed his movements… but Ted spotted it and it felt like that time in basketball practice in High School, when the ball hit his square in the face and he wasn’t crying but he sure felt like he could.
“Excuse me, Keels, gotta go to the lil’boys room.”
He didn’t wait for her reply, quickly making his way to the doors on the right of the hall. He needed a moment, just a few seconds to go through what he saw, what he thinks he saw and what his mind is going to decide he saw without listening to the rational part of the brain. He found another empty room, smaller than the main hall, something more akin to a boardroom. He took a seat at the large table, leaning back into it and letting his mind wander.
Mistletoe’s main purpose at Christmas is to make people share a kiss. That’s a fact Ted could understand. Heck, it was his and Beard’s conversations that added mistletoe into the mix anyway. He couldn’t begrudge it for doing exactly what they thought… but he couldn’t decipher what he saw, either… the way watching his best friends’ kiss made his stomach drop and skin feel tight. He didn’t have to delve too deep to realise that it wasn’t a good feeling.
“Aw, heck…” he mumbled to the quiet room, not that he expected anyone to answer but the door opened just as he finished, and he couldn’t help but wonder if he was louder than he thought.
In a perfect world, it would be Rebecca or Beard walking through that door, and he’d talk to them about something, anything that wasn’t the kiss and everything would shift back into the right places. Except that wasn’t the case and it was Higgins opening the door with gusto and looking thoroughly disappointed with his find.
“Bugger,” he grumbled even though he walked further in, “Oh! Ted!”
“Higgie Claus,” he smiled at the bumbling man, obviously a little merry (pun intended) and carrying it all in the redness of his cheeks and fullness of his bladder – if his jittery steps were anything to go by.
“Desperately in need of the loo,” he looked around as if one would appear, “held off long enough, trying to catch my wife under the mistletoe… all these years married, and this will be our first proper mistletoe kiss.” He looked positively ecstatic at the thought, as though he was revealing a masterplan.
Ted felt a warmth bloom in his chest. What a wonderful thing, still having and more importantly wanting to have all these first times with someone you’ve loved for decades. He could imagine it, crave it and feel it that one day in his bones he would have that.
“Gee, Higgins, that’s about the sweetest thing these ears have heard in months, no toilet in here, though.”
“Sorry to leave you, Ted,” he went to turn around, “Oh, Rebecca was looking for you.” Ted opened his mouth and closed it just as quickly; Higgins was long gone the door swinging to a soft close behind him. Ted hadn’t been gone that long, he knew, and he couldn’t help but feel a little fluttering in his stomach at the thought of Rebecca spotting him missing almost straight away. He decided to shake off the weird feeling that had the potential to ingrain itself in his bones and stood up, brushing himself off when the door opened again.
It was Rebecca. Of course.
“Coach Lasso, are you hiding?” She was grinning, looking behind her and making sure the door shut behind her, too. “Can I join you?”
“Heck, I wasn’t hiding, but if I get some one-on-one time with the boss? Well, you can call me John Darwin.”
“Didn’t he fake his death?”
“That’s the fella… but he also hid in the house next door…” he shook his head, he really enjoyed The Thief, His Wife and the Canoe but he doubted now was the time to suggest she watch the show. “Anyway, what’s got ya squirrelling away?”
“Ah, just a lot going on,” she shook her head as she walked around the table, he decided to drop back into the seat, and he felt his eyes widen a little as she stopped and leant against the table in front of him. It took a lot of strength to not let his eyes trail down her form (or at least not linger on her legs when he did). “Actually Ted… I was looking for you.”
Ted had insider knowledge about this little fact, but her admitting it? Sweeter than he expected.
“Oh, any reason?” He tried for nonchalant, although he had no control over the little grin on his face when she smiled down at him.
“That mistletoe…” she started, trailing off as if remembering something and Ted was hit in the face with his own memories. “You know, I ended up kissing Beard.”
“I, uh… yea’, I saw that.” He moved to sit up in his chair, feeling suddenly a little cold and uncomfortable.
“You know… It’s been years since I’ve kissed someone with facial hair,” she smoothed a hand over her own chin, moving to brush over the space above her top lip, Ted found himself mirroring her, brushing his own fingers over his moustache, “never really liked facial hair on men.”
Ted’s hand dropped down to his lap, as if it burnt him. Well, it seemed as though he may not have to worry about Rebecca Welton falling in love with Beard, but there wasn’t much chance of her falling in love with him, either.
“Well, yea’, it ain’t on everyone’s list.”
“I’ve been a little more partial to it recently,” she admitted, dropping her own hand from her lip and looking down and smiling, “Also, Beard is a surprisingly good kisser.”
Ted felt as though he was on a roller coaster he didn’t know if he was up or down at any moment. He stood suddenly, forcing a chuckle into the space of the room, his chair moving far behind him.
“Well, he’s sure had a lot of practice,” he half-shouted into the room and instantly regretted it. It sounded a little too close to shaming his best friend for his own comfort, but he couldn’t really control it, “aw heck, that… that wasn’t meant to sound like it did. He’s just… a great guy to kiss, ya know? Best guy to kiss, real-”
“Ted!” Rebecca shouted and he realised he had been pacing back and forth and missed her pushing off the desk and walking towards him, she caught his hands in hers, “Ted,” she repeated, “why does it feel like you’re spiralling?”
“Oh, that’s an easy one… it’s ‘cause I am.”
“Do you want to tell me why?”
“Absolutely not.”
Rebecca let go of his hands, noticing how he was staring and frowned, those same lines on her forehead that she had when kissing Beard.
“For someone who really pushed for the mistletoe theme, I’m pretty sure I only saw Dani and maybe Beard kiss you.”
Ted was sure he could feel the back of his neck sweating. He wasn’t sure what she was aiming for, why she seemed to be pushing for something he wasn’t sure he’d be able to give.
“You seemed to linger under ‘em for someone who didn’t want the theme,” he shrugged.
“Maybe I was waiting for someone.”
“Anyone in their right mind would rush under it if they’d get the chance to kiss Rebecca Welton.”
“And yet here I am having the most bizarre conversation with the person I…” she stopped herself and took a few steps back from him, hitting the table and leaning against it again, her hands on either side of her, holding on. “I’m too old to be fucking around Ted. I was hoping maybe we would find ourselves under one of those poisonous fucking plants and it would, I don’t know, take the pressure off the whole… first kiss thing.”
“First kiss?” he knew he sounded incredulous, but it was because he was. Rebecca Welton had just told him, Ted Lasso, that she wanted to have a first kiss with him. It was such a pointed choice of words too… because it implied more kisses. He blinked back to looking at her, and despite the dark room, he could see the panic etching onto her face. “I was hopin’ to get a shot at that first kiss deal, too… but then you an’ Beardo…” he shook his head when she tilted hers in confusion, “have I missed my shot?”
“You haven’t tried to shoot, yet Ted.”
“Right, yeah,” he walked almost too quickly towards her, causing her to recoil at the movement, “sorry, I don’t have any mistletoe, but I’d really like to have my last first kiss with you right now… if you want of co-” he was cut off by Rebecca’s hand coming up to grasp on his shirt, pulling him closer towards her.
“Hurry up, you silly man,” she said, “or should I call Beard in here to show you how to do it?”
Ted wasn’t too proud of the little growl he let out at that.
(He was proud at the surprised whimper Rebecca gave out when he finally did kiss her).
He stepped closer to her, like she wanted, taking her face in his hands and looking at her for a moment. She was beautiful and he couldn’t wait to tell her in a thousand different ways – this was big, the fact she didn’t call him out on referring to this as his last first kiss (a subconscious slip of the tongue that he meant with every fibre of his soul) told him that she was right where he was. He slowly lowered his head towards her, fire in the pit of his stomach at the way her eyelids started to flutter closed.
“It may tickle,” he started just before his lips touched hers, and she made a noise of frustration and confusion, “the furry caterpillar that lives happily between my nose and top lip.”
“Jesus Christ, Ted,” she laughed, the fire in his stomach spread warmth up his body at the sound, “somehow, you speaking like that isn’t a turn off…”
“Sounds like you got it bad there, Ms Welton,” he brushed the tip of his nose against hers, smiling as her eyes finally shut.
“Must do.”
“I just wanted to warn ya, the moustache… it might tickle at first.”
Her lips brushed against his as she replied with a whispered, reverent, “God, I hope so.” He kissed her then, basking in the noise that she made against his lips – as if she was surprised. He couldn’t really comment too much, knowing he gave his own answering whimper as he took her top lip between his, pushing his hands from her face into her hair. There was nothing hurried about the transition of the kiss from deep pecks to open mouthed with tongues. There was nothing to prove, no sense of urgency… it wasn’t as though they had just that moment, or that night… it was the beginning of the next chapter of their story.
(That wasn’t to say Ted wasn’t half-hard from the moment Rebecca started running her hands over his chest and sides, pulling him closer and rolling her own body in an attempt to close to space – she was, without a doubt, the sexiest being he had ever encountered – but he let himself enjoy the delay, knowing that it didn’t matter if it was later that night or weeks from then… it was, like all other parts of their relationship, inevitable).
Despite that, when the door to the room opened, Ted found himself a nice, long four steps back from Rebecca. She didn’t look at him confused, either but grateful. They did need to talk, at some point, preferably after he kissed her a few more times and it wasn’t fair on this exciting development if everyone got wind of it before they got the chance to.
Rebecca looked over at the door and looked away suddenly, coughing.
“Hello Coach Beard,” her voice went up a few notches in the end and as Ted was slightly more secure in their blossoming relationship, he allowed himself to smile at the sound. He looked over at Beard and spotted him nodding in response (which meant nothing to Rebecca because she wasn’t looking at him). He then caught his best friend’s eyes.
“All good, Coach?” Beard spoke after a moment, his lips lifting in a one-sided smile.
“Oh, boy, yea’,” Ted grinned back at him, looking briefly at Rebecca who was looking at the ceiling and then the floor, a blush on her cheeks, “yea’, all great, Coach.” Beard nodded at that, looking between the two of them.
“You can thank me later,” Beard said before leaving the room. There was a silence that followed before Rebecca scoffed.
“Did he just imply that somehow kissing me was on purpose so that this,” she waved a hand between them, “would happen?”
“Much like the world,” he started walking towards her, “Beard works in mysterious ways… Hi.”
“Hello there,” Rebecca stood up then, as always, impressively taller than Ted in her heels and he felt giddy knowing their second kiss would require him to lift on his toes.
“I have a plan that’ll cover us for the next 30 minutes,” he placed his hands on her biceps, smoothing up and down the area before drifting down her arms to catch her hands in his, “we’re gonna stay in here for a bit, pick up where we left off –”
“You just want me on that desk, huh?”
“Gosh, that’s an image I don’t mind exploring another time,” he let out a puff of air with a mock groan that made her laugh, “for now, I’m real excited to get to kiss you when you’re wearing a pair of killer heels.”
She smiled then, softer than he expected (and maybe she intended), “And the next part of the plan?”
“Oh, easy… we go out there and pretend to have our first kiss in front of everyone, under the mistletoe,” he started to lift to kiss her before he dropped back onto his feet, “with tongue, of course... I want a bigger cheer than you and Beard got.”