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Oikawa has a complicated relationship with the concept of a family.
At the tender age of three, he already understands his parents are not like the ones other kids in the kindergarten have.
They don't ask about his day, whether his lunch was tasty, or pay attention to the drawings he's made of them.
He's usually the last to be picked up from the daycare building, the only one left all alone on Mother's and then Father's day, even though they both promised to come.
His teachers are a bit concerned, but he tells them it's okay.
His mom and dad are just busy people.
For a long time, he wholeheartedly believes it.
That's until Iwaizumi Hajime comes into his life.
They're both four when it happens. The other boy is a bit of an outcast, freshly moved from another neighbour, but Oikawa manages to befriend him.
They bond over volleyball, and even though Hajime is about as pleasant as a hedgehog (he even has spiky hair), Oikawa knows that it's a facade that hides a caring and protective soul.
It's nice to finally have someone to rely on.
For a while, it's easier to handle the apathetic looks his mom gives him as he rambles about his favourite cartoon.
And then one day, Iwa's grandmother doesn't pick him up like usually.
He doesn't seem worried about it, not like most kids probably would be (not Tooru though, he's long used to watching the sunset through windows decorated by little hands).
- You're not going home yet? - He asks his friend. They're sitting on the playground swings, digging up holes in the ground with their fatigued shoes. The two teachers are animatedly chatting on the benches.
Iwaizumi shakes his head.
- Granny has a doctor's appointment. I'm waiting for my parents -
Oikawa feels bad for hoping they will be late.
They're not, naturally.
He watches from a distance as Iwa's dad picks him up, watches his mom's tired face lit up at some silly remark her son has made.
And it shatters his world, in a way.
Turns out love and fatigue don't cancel each other out, except for when it's him.
Fast forward few years and he's basically adopted into the Iwaizumi household.
Naturally he and his best friend went to the same elementary school, to the same class.
They're nine now, an age that makes them feel so mature and wise.
Oikawa sleeps over almost every weekend now - at this point, he barely aks for a permission. Scratch that, his parents seem straight up confused when he's home on a day off.
During one of these sugar-high evenings, Hajime suddenly stops the Spongebob episode on the TV (seventh one in a row) and gestures for his friend to come closer. His face is serious, and for a brief moment Oikawa is terrified.
He's tired of me - a cruel thought flickers through his mind - I will be alone again.
- My mom is pregnant. I will be having a sister - Iwa confesses, and it's like someone lifted an elephant of off Tooru's chest.
He thinks about what it will be like, and he's so happy. Much happier then if his own mother was about to give birth.
He's one of the first people, besides close family, to see Perlah when she leaves the hospital.
- Her name means pearl - The newly titled big brother announces proudly. - I picked it myself! -
Oikawa leans in closer to the baby in her little bed. She's so small, but she already looks like Iwa. The same tan skin and bushy eyebrows, expect she's not scowling.
- Let's just hope her personality is better than yours - He (unsuccessfully) dodges a kick.
Almost two thousand days later, they're officially middle schoolers. Same school, same class, once again. It's not going to change any soon.
Oikawa has a goal this year: he's going to be the best. On top of all his classes, the star setter of the volleyball club, no, of the entire prefecture.
He tells himself it's for his own satisfaction.
It's so obviously untrue, that when he says it outloud Iwa laughs and then shoves him into a locker, threatening to do it again if Tooru does not take care of himself.
He does, later on. They fight, and it's serious, for the first time. So serious it makes him feel sick to the stomach.
Hajime's mom is there to help, like always.
She hums quietly in tagalog in front of the stove as the boys glare daggers at each other from opposite sides of the dinner table.
- You're the strongest when you're together. Never forget that. -
Maybe it's a miracle, maybe they just can't live without each other, but it settles down.
Although mostly Oikawa just learns to hide tiredness better - lying doesn't feel good, but success is worth it.
His parents don't come to a see a single match throughout the next three years.
Iwaizumis family in contrast, is at almost every game. They fill out the hole on the bleachers /in his heart/ just right.
He chooses Aoba Johsai as his high school.
- You're good enough to be accepted into Shiratorizawa. - His father mentions briefly during one of their rare "family" dinners.
- Aoba has got a good team. That's where Iwa's going too. - He doesn't have to mention he'd set the world on fire to keep them together. Even his uninterested parents understand that well enough.
He doesn't actually see what could ever separate them though. And then, in between his second and third year, he's sent to a practice camp.
It's a weak attempt of his caregivers at acting like ones.
Or perhaps they just got tired of his high maintenance, talkative self. Again.
It drags like hell, and even though he learns a lot (and there's no Iwaizumi to stop him from pushing too much and too hard) he desperately wishes to be back.
Every. Single. Day.
Finally, it's all over. Iwaizumi picks him up from the bus station.
They take the train home.
It's the golden hour, and Hajime leans against the window with closed eyes and earphones pushed in. He looks beautiful.
It hits Oikawa, then.
I am in love with him
It's so brutally clear and obvious, and it's been buried in his mind forever.
So is the fact that he can never ever say it out loud.
He's not a good person - he's egocentric, rude and hungry for success. He's too much, but still not enough - not for himself nor for his parents. Iwaizumi is the only person who saw all the grime that his squealing fangirls can't, and accepted it.
And that's something Tooru simply cannot lose, not because of a childish whim.
So he will keep his infinite greed at bay, just this one time.