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Water flushed past Izuku in a ripple of tidal waves as he flew through the sky.
He didn’t know how much longer it would be before he got back to the battle, too much time wasted, and he didn’t know what state the world would be in when he arrived. He could only hope and pray that his friends and family were safe. All for One had caught them by surprise with this deviation of their plan, but Izuku couldn’t allow himself a moment of rest.
Not when lives were at stake.
His arm caught on the dark edges of a swirling warp gate.
The last thing he saw was Kacchan’s horrified expression before being dragged into a battle with Toga on an island too far from the fight.
In the moment, the only thing he could think of was how eerily similar that moment was to when Kacchan was stolen from him in the forest, but with Izuku on the other side.
He wondered if Kacchan had screamed too…
“ God , could your thoughts be any fucking louder?”
And suddenly, the world flipped on it’s axis and Izuku crashed into the ocean.
The water was freezing, chill and wetness seeping past the layers of his clothes to touch his clammy skin. His eyes and nose burned from the salt and suddenness of his descent. Exhaustion pulled at him instantly. He knew the time he spent at UA wasn’t enough to recover his full strength, especially after being forced to reconcile with Aoyama’s reveal, but his earnest conviction yielded under the first sign of defiance. Returning to that peculiar hollow feeling he’d adopted during his time alone going rogue before his friends had saved him. His clothes were heavy, the guards on his arms and legs, that were meant to keep him safe, now weighed him down.
But he ignored the hypnotizing rush of water in his ears and the call of the ocean's dark comfort, to breach the water with a gasp. Coughing up dry air and blinking irritated red eyes like a freshly desperate man to hear that voice a second time.
“What?” The voice laughed and Izuku froze. “Is your shitty alarm sense not working, Izuku ?”
Izuku shivered and he couldn’t blame it on the cold alone. He followed the voice, a familiar smirk and warm mirthful eyes reaching their destination.
He looked happy. More than happy, he looked excited.
“Or do you think so lowly of me that I’m not considered a threat?” Bakugou teased, never once losing that smile.
Kacchan was here.
It had surprised him so much that Float had deactivated and he was too stunned to return to the sky now, where his childhood friend was undeniably standing on air.
A new quirk? He thought, before another thought dived in front of that one with enough force to create a tidal wave of its own with worry.
“ Kacchan?! ” Izuku asked, disbelief dripping from the word like the running ocean water off the tip of his nose. “Where did you come from-?” He hadn’t been there when Izuku was with Toga, right? God- That would be kind of embarrassing if he’d missed seeing him this entire time- “What are you- No, how did you get here?”
Bakugou shrugged, “Fuck if I know.”
Bakugou floated aimlessly in the sky, far more careless and relaxed than any other time Izuku had seen him in his entire life. The longer he looked at it, trying to compare the image in front of him to the dangerous way Kacchan balanced his body against the rocketing blasts of his hands, the more wrong it seemed.
Where was his hero costume? He was only wearing a school uniform, hadn’t he said something about a weapon’s upgrade before?
“Is this… Are you wearing a tie? ” Izuku squinted, wading through the water with his hands to drift closer, “Who are you?”
“Geez… You die for like, what, one fucking panel, and suddenly everyone forgets who you are?” Bakugou rolled his eyes, arms crossed over his chest as he leaned back against nothing, and pierced the light-hearted ambience with a creased brow. “That’s rude.”
Izuku’s mind stalled.
He replayed the words until they lost meaning. Until they wrapped around his head, skipped over his brain, and traveled around the world twice; Hitting him like a slap in the face.
Die-? Kacchan was-
“Y-You’re…?”
“Dead.” Bakugou said. “Ding dong hot diddly dead , Deku. And damn,” He hissed under a wobbly grimace, “It was not a peaceful way to go.”
Izuku’s stomach rolled violently. Thinking of his past experience in fighting All for One, Shigaraki, and Kacchan, he couldn’t fathom how catastrophic that fight would have to be for Kacchan to come out of it without securing a brutal victory.
Izuku lifted himself out of the water, ripples lapping at his shoes and washing out of his soaked clothes.
His voice was hollow, “Kacchan… Kacchan is dead.”
He couldn’t believe it- It didn’t sound real. Kacchan losing? Unexpected.
Kacchan dead?
Impossible.
No. Something wasn’t right about this.
“Well, don’t get all somber on my account.” Bakugou smiled gently before turning towards the sun and chuckling. “Though I am going to say I told you so; Trying to save Crusty-for-One was a really dumb idea.”
Izuku’s vision flashed, white hot on the edges.
“I’ll kill him.” He said, completely serious.
“Unlikely.” Bakugou’s eyes snapped to Izuku’s. “What makes you think you can kill him if I couldn’t? Just get your ass back to the fight and finish this with your little nerd friends and the rest of our idiots.” The smile on his face flattened, “Technically, they’re not really ‘ours’ anymore. Since I’m dead.”
Dead. Dead. Dead.
He kept saying those words, but that didn’t make them feel any less like a lie.
An island was nearby and Izuku numbly floated towards it, dropping onto the small patch of grass on the ocean’s skirted waves, barely matching the size of a dorm room floor. He wasn’t at a risk of drowning, but the call from before persisted.
Static, starting at the fingertips, digging into the dirt with his gloves, and covering his eyes, unseeing of the blue water and green land, then spreading through the rest of him like an infection. Fury licked the edges of his descent, but it was unrecognized in the haze of forced desensitization.
“ Awww , is someone getting tired?” Bakugou cooed and it felt cruel. The sound of feet touched down next to Izuku, but he couldn’t lift his head or offer a response.
“That’s too bad.” Bakugou continued without one, anyway, and crouched until he was within view. His arms bowed over his knees, smile gone and his eyes sharp, like a predator that was done taunting its prey, and he spoke coldly.
“You’ve still got shit to do.”
“I can’t. I-” Izuku’s voice broke with a sob as he finally looked at Kacchan, “I can’t do this anymore- any of it! Not without you!”
“You were doing pretty well until I decided to speak...” Bakugou tilted his head, ignoring Izuku’s tears. “Get up.” He said, “I don’t know why you’re so upset- I’m the one who’s going to be forced to watch you use my badass explosions like a toddler on steroids."
Izuku sighed. "Kacchan, I'm being serious…" He brushed aside salt water damp bangs with the battered seam of his gloves, “If this is actually you, and you’re seriously dead, I don’t think I could…” A lump formed in his throat, suppressing the necessity of air and making it hard to speak, but he pushed past it like it didn’t exist. “I’m not sure I’d be able to live with myself-”
Bakugou groaned.
“Oh shut up! ” The blonde boy yelled, shooting up from the ground and reeling back far enough to curse at the sky.
“I don’t wanna hear about how me being dead is such a burden on you, you little shit, I’m only doing this because the weird glowing Allmight in your head told me to!” Bakugou paused. “Him and that freaky guy that looks like me. Hey-” His head lowered to remeet Izuku’s gaze, “-Do you think we’re related? That’d be pretty fucked.”
Izuku didn’t know whether to laugh or continue to cry, remembering an incredibly similar thought crossing his mind when he’d met the second user of One for All for the first time.
But if Kacchan had seen him , or any of the other vestiges for that matter, then it could only mean one thing.
The school uniform. The carefree air in every single movement.
And that damn smile.
“K-Kacchan-” He gasped, hands reaching to grip the tightening of his chest. He could feel it now, something inside of him, a fragile chain of emotions twined around his steadfast heart and he didn’t know which of them was going to break first. “Kacchan, please- ”
“It sucks, but it’s whatever.” Bakugou dismissed Izuku’s begging too easily, “We had a good run, but there’s nothing we can do to change what happened.”
“ So you want me to give up?!” Izuku surprised himself, anger burning past any other emotion and taking control; Protecting him. “That’s horrible- There’s still so much we need to talk about, so much I needed to say! It can't be over- Just like that! It’s too cruel, Kacchan! Even for you!”
“What?!” Bakugou said, “You’re blaming me-?!”
“We still have to graduate!” Izuku blurted and the dam protecting the thoughts in his mind from reaching the outside world crumbled to the grass beneath him. “I wanted to go on more internships with you! There are sports festivals, school festivals, team exercises- We were supposed to be rivals! Proper rivals. We were going to become number one and we were going to do it together , Kacchan.”
“Now, I don’t expect this to change a thing between us,” Kacchan had said in the pouring rain, Izuku’s heart pounding in his chest. “But I gotta speak my truth, Izuku…”
His body and mind rejected that memory- he couldn’t think of it- not right now-!
“If you’re dead-” Izuku choked, “Everything we went through, all of our fighting- What was it all for? What was the point?! ”
There was nothing he wouldn’t give up for Kacchan.
Izuku did not hold a claim over any part of himself, well aware of the lengths he would go to in ensuring Kacchan was safe. Hollowing the air from his lungs to breathe life into the other's, shielding Kacchan away from all the known horrors of the world with a quirk that ripped Izuku apart, bit by agonizing bit, and giving until there was nothing left of him. And he would do it without complaint.
As long as Kacchan lived- that would be enough.
Bakugou’s scowl fell to something more amicable. Complacent. Tentative.
It looked awful on him.
“You can’t save everyone, Izuku.”
“It didn’t have to be everyone! It only had to be you! ”
Izuku recoiled immediately, struck by his own words, and attempted to simultaneously distance himself from them as well as reach forward and take it back. His hands smothered his face and wet tears caressed the sides of his finger, like a waterfall branching into other paths of streams and rivers. With the weight of one secret lifted, a thousand others culminated against his teeth. The fleeting relief of this small confession might have been worth it- Had it been spoken to anyone else.
Izuku felt Kacchan’s intense gaze like a touch and it took every ounce of his strength to remove his eyes from his knees to reconcile with the damage he’d done.
The ill-fitted composure in Bakugou’s body had dissipated, something more pinched and, dare he says, awkward in it’s place. As if he was unsure of Izuku’s words and at a loss for his own.
Another secret slipped out, hushed and thick with emotion.
“Wh-Why did it have to be you?” He whispered.
“This isn’t…” Bakugou paused, brow furrowing deeper, “…What is this?”
He sounded near disgusted and Izuku felt the urge to puke again.
“I…” Izuku swallowed.
What more could he say?
On an island, in the middle of the ocean, and, miles away, a war under the sun they shared. Anything that happened between the space he and Kacchan took up was insignificant by that logic, so why couldn’t he stop trembling?
He spent half his life chasing after a vision of a future with Kacchan that would never- could never- exist. When he finally realized the depth of these emotions, of his admiration morphing into something less pure and more wicked, he buried them deep under his resolve and dedication to save everyone from his cursed destiny, only to find them here, again, and just as forthcoming as before.
The desire he could admit to himself, and only himself, to not just die for Kacchan… But to kill in his name.
Shigaraki’s body or not, he would put All for One’s head on a pike if anything ever happened to Kacchan.
He couldn’t imagine what anyone would think of him if he said any of this aloud. They’d tell him he was insane for living out a life where his only solace was the self-assured comfort of knowing that Kacchan didn’t hate him. That was nearly a year ago, and the feelings had only grown with every step in the right direction. Even if they stumbled or veered off the predicted path, it was still closer than he ever thought he could be to the person he wanted to own as much as he wanted to emulate.
But Kacchan kept surprising him and the hope that his yearning wasn’t entirely one-sided grew stronger…
At UA, with a tentative connection, he was unsure.
Now, he was too late.
Slowly, he removed his hands from his face and braced them, shaking, on the ground.
“Kacchan, I loved you.” He rasped.
Bakugou’s face shifted through a series of complicated shifts and pulls, too quick for Izuku to decipher all of them. “Oh.” He said, settling on cryptically blank. “I’m sorry.”
Izuku bit his tongue to stop it from echoing back the apology. He was beyond devastated, but all he could feel was the exhaustion that bled into his tense shoulders. He expected a larger reaction, considering who he was speaking to, but he had no one but himself to blame for his disappointment. Being yelled at would’ve been a lot more satisfying than this detached acceptance.
“Is that all you have to say?”
“What do you want me to say, Izuku? I was stabbed in the heart,” Bakugou sighed, blank expression softening until it withered completely. “There’s no way around it. I’m dead.”
“Stop.” Izuku hissed, “I want you to stop saying that. ”
“Half my face is disintegrated right now, if that’s any consolation. It’s not very attractive.”
Izuku didn’t have the mind to process that image.
“I don’t know why I’m even bothering with this.” Izuku pushed himself to stand, dusting the grass off his pants then adjusting his gloves. He was wasting too much time... “This isn’t real. I don’t know why I said those things- You’re fine. Everyone’s fine. You’ve already been stabbed by All for One before, anyway.”
“Denial’s the first stage, isn’t it?”
“It’s not denial,” Izuku snapped, “It’s resolve.”
Even if Kacchan were to die, he’d stay at his side.
“Sounds like stupidity to me.” Bakugou scoffed, “I don’t think you understand what’s going on Deku. This isn’t like Jakku, the bastard wasn’t going to misfire into my shoulder like last time. I was already given a second chance, one that I never deserved in the first place.”
Izuku’s mouth fell open immediately to Kacchan’s defense but he was silenced by intense red eyes.
Bakugou continued, “Even if we weren’t in a fucking war , the chances of all of us making it to our golden years were slim to none. Why me? ” Bakugou repeated Izuku’s question from earlier, “Why not me? Out of all of us, I’ve had the worst case of ‘chance encounters’.”
That day with the sludge villain came to mind.
The monster bared its hideous grin.
“You’ll make a perfect skin-suit to hide in, kid!”
Izuku didn’t want to think of it. He’d had nightmares for weeks of his own experience- only comforted by the knowledge that AllMight was already on the villain’s tail. His survival wasn’t an accident, it was always going to end that way.
But with Kacchan…
All Might hadn’t known. The bottle was lost mid-flight, determined after what could have been a much longer conversation, and dropped into what was originally a vacant alleyway…
… What if the villain had managed to open the bottle itself? What if Kacchan had walked down that alley, completely alone, with no friends to run to the heroes? What if Izuku hadn’t decided to stop with the crowd? What if there wasn’t a crowd? It could have happened anywhere. What if the villain had waited to find a more secluded spot to strike, where AllMight wouldn’t have known to save him?
He wanted to believe that someone would have stepped up to help- but the actual events proved how unlikely that was. So early into their lives, before they had begun their journey as heroes, and it could have been cut so short.
Then there was the USJ, the training camp… and the kidnapping.
Izuku couldn’t stop himself from analyzing every second of each memory that slipped by. He thought about how he could’ve done better or what might've happened to either of them if he’d done worse. If there was a single change, would they have made it this far?
Would he have survived?
After Kacchan had taken that hit from All for One, Izuku was forced to confront one of his biggest fears: Losing Kacchan.
He acted immediately. He knew he was a threat to Kacchan just by being within proximity, so he ran away. Izuku accepted that the negligence to his body and sanity might lead to his own death and he didn’t care.
He should have. There would always be risk when either of them were involved. Izuku should have been there to stop it, but he wasn’t. He’d acted selfishly and got caught up in his own plans.
And now Kacchan was dead. What an awful twist of fate.
“You never deserved that.” Was what Izuku settled on saying.
Bakugou kicked a rock towards the shore, “Shit happens.”
Kacchan’s eyes carried far past the water, vibrant as always, and it felt like Izuku was seeing him for the first time. His perpetually creased brow smoothed over the rest of his unblemished skin, lacking the scars his quirk hid from sight, and gnashed teeth concealed by soft lips. The light blue sky and slow moving clouds served as the perfect drop back while a nonexistent wind from the east pushed the hair out of his face. Radiating a golden hue, burning with every minute movement like the center of the universe.
Izuku couldn’t help but think he looked beautiful.
“ ‘s not like I wanted to die.” Bakugou said, petulant. “I was really looking forward to making it to the top. Kicking ass and saving reckless dumbasses. I uh,” His gaze fell to the ground, “I was going to ask the class if they wanted to run an agency together after graduation. I thought it could be fun, y’know?”
Bakugou sighed, “I had so many ideas… Every morning, I’d toussle Half-and-Half’s hair and ruin that stupid perfect part in the middle. It would backfire horribly, and he’d start encroaching on my bad boy aesthetic and get too much fan attention. Then I’d start messing up Shitty-Hair’s do and never learn my lesson when the same thing happens ....”
Izuku could imagine it so clearly. How Kacchan would wait for either redhead to enter the building and tackle them. Todoroki wouldn’t fight it. Kirishima would think it was a game- And it kind of was?- but he’d definitely treat it as a daily challenge to escape Kacchan…
Bakugou continued, “I was going to put pepper flakes in the breakroom’s coffee grounds and let Sparky take the fall for it.” He sounded wistful, “A lot of my pranks were going to be pinned on him, actually. I wanted to put a whoopie cushion under Prez’s chair and release ants into Frogger and Crow’s joint office just to watch them scramble for their snacks in the security room…”
… Sadly, Izuku could imagine that too; And the meeting with HR the following day.
“Oh-! And I,” Bakugou snickered, “I was gonna watch Racoon-Eyes finally grow the balls to ask Pink-Cheeks out and wait for the kiddos to arrive. Did you know she always wanted to be a mother?” Kacchan turned to Izuku with a light smile playing on his lips, before his eyes quickly darted to the space between them. “I heard her talking about it with Tape-Face once. I wanted to be the cool uncle. Let them curse like me and stay up wayyy past their bedtime to watch scary movies. And maybe they’d get freaked out, but it would’ve been fine. Their mom would be a badass hero and I’d be number one, so they didn’t need to be afraid. I’d make sure of it… I always imgined you’d be my hero partner, by the way.”
He spoke that last part flippantly, waving his hand almost as an afterthought, but they both knew it meant so much more than that.
“Winning and saving and shit. I figured you’d eventually settle down with someone too. Knowing One for all, you’d only get a good few years in with it before you had to retire, but I’d make damn sure you made it to that point. Then I’d lord my number one spot over your head until I lost an arm or something and the newly reinstated squeaky clean hero commission forced me to retire too. Fuckin’ assholes…” It was then that Kacchan looked at Izuku and remained there. “But I’d still be alive.”
Izuku didn’t know if this was his time to speak. He wanted to let Kacchan finish his thoughts aloud, continue where he left off and keep going forever. Soothing the ache in Izuku’s chest with the gentle timbre of his childhood friend's last wishes. Never once stopping to take a breath he didn't need.
Would it always feel so incomplete?
Kacchan shook his head. It was impossible, but Izuku had a feeling he knew where his mind had wandered.
“I never imagined it would end like this.” Bakugou said, taking some time to consider his words. He swallowed and confessed in a quiet voice, “And I never considered that you’d choose a life where I was more than just a friend. ‘Guess I should’ve known better, neither of us can do anything half-assed…”
Izuku laughed bitterly, “No. We can’t.”
“I’m glad it was me, instead…” He cut himself off quickly, before something cleared in his eyes and he stepped closer to Izuku. They weren’t close enough to touch, but Izuku still felt the undeniable pull. “...Instead of you.”
Those weren’t the words Izuku wanted to hear from him, but he knew them to be true. Kacchan had sacrificed more for Izuku than he realized and although knowing their love was mutual gave him some sense of fullfillment…
But it wasn’t enough. It would never be enough.
Izuku took his time and walked until he was right in front of Kacchan. If he looked closely, he might have noticed he could see right through him. Izuku lifted his battered glove and reached to cup Kacchan’s cheek, but his fingers simply passed through him. There wasn’t any warmth or cold emanating from the contact, no further proof of Kacchan’s existence, like touching air.
Kacchan’s cheek fizzled under his incomplete grasp but Izuku was determined to make it work. The blonde waited patiently, silent and completely still, through the adjustments as Izuku became comfortable with the placement.
Kacchan did not make an attempt to touch Izuku.
“Did you really think I wouldn’t want you?” Izuku decided to ask before his lingering doubt could muffle his words.
“Honestly? Yeah.” Was Kacchan’s immediate response. “You’re too good for me. Too good for anyone, actually, but definitely me.”
“I think you’re wonderful.”
That would have been the moment. Here, in another life, in another time, on another day, he would have kissed Kacchan senseless to prove he meant what he said, but he couldn’t. It would hurt too much to try.
Suddenly, Kacchan’s entire being flickered.
Like a lightswitch being flipped on and off, Kacchan’s face turned to surprise. “Huh.” He said, looking beyond Izuku’s shoulder, in the direction he was traveling earlier. “That’s… unexpected. ”
“What is it?” Izuku asked, afraid that if he looked away for a second that Kacchan would disappear.
Bakugou grimaced, "I may not be as dead as I thought I was."
"Kacchan I will murder you myself if you're just fucking with me-"
Bakugou leaped back from Izuku, hands raised in a placating manner. "I'm not! I seriously did die!” Then he whispered, very quietly, “Though, my death wasn’t ever canonlly confirmed - But there was a fucking hole in my heart! How was I supposed to know someone would take that as a personal challenge!”
Izuku’s breath caught, “There’s… Still a chance…?”
A spark of hope lit up and he gripped the front of his uniform tight enough for knuckles to whiten under his ragged gloves.
Because Kacchan was the most important person in the world to him. If anyone could survive All for One a second time, after everything they'd been through, then it would be him. Izuku was sure of it.
"Not if you stay here." Bakugou said, "I can't make any promises, it's too late for that, but if you don't get back to the fight there won't be a world left to save; With or without us in it."
He knew on some level that Kacchan had meant 'without us and the rest of the class', but his fervorous heart beat faster at the implication of Kacchan meaning them . A future with Izuku and Katsuki would never come to pass if they weren't alive to see it.
Izuku slowly nodded, taking in a deep breath to recenter himself.
He could do this. Kacchan believed it and that meant Izuku had to trust him.
Kacchan nodded too. "Good." He acknowledged, if awkwardly.
Izuku flexed his fingers as he turned to face his destination, but something brought his eyes back to Kacchan. He was reluctant to leave him, but it felt like Kacchan had more to say.
They stared at eachother for a moment, but this time it felt different. Even heavier than when Kacchan had told him he was dead.
“Izuku,” He said, the formal sound of it catching him off guard. Not impersonal, but the tone he spoke in felt completely unique to that one word, rough and vulnerable, like it owned the emotion.
“I’m scared.”
The confession was followed quickly by a quick swipe of the back of his hand to catch the tears under his eyes with his knuckles. “I really tried, but- I just wasn’t strong enough, alright? And I know it’s wrong- to think like this, it doesn’t even feel human - but if this is my last chance, I have to do it. I want to tell you, again, that i’m sorr-”
“No.” Izuku said.
Bakugou frowned, “No?”
“No. I do not accept your apology.”
This was the one thing he couldn’t give Kacchan.
It was nonnegotiable.
Kacchan pursed his lips and dropped his gaze, “That’s… Yeah, okay, um-”
“I won’t accept it, until I see you again.” Izuku stood his ground even as Kacchan tried to interrupt, “You’re not going to die, so I’m going to wait for you to come back to me, in person. Then… Then I’ll accept.”
“Alright.” Kacchan accepted after a moment.
“And when we’re finished with that , we can talk about… the other stuff.” He was starting to feel feverish from the whiplash of emotions he’d experienced these few minutes with Kacchan, “...If you even remember any of this.”
Kacchan barked a laugh. “Your crush confessing to your literal soul would be kind of hard to forget…”
Izuku’s heart did a funny flip at the conviction in his voice. They had a lot to work on and discuss, but now he knew Kacchan loved him. More than that, even; And Izuku was right there with him. He lifted himself from the grass, before he could convince himself not to, and float let him fly just as listless as Kacchan had been earlier; Except now Izuku was in the air and Kacchan was looking up to him.
Maybe, if he couldn’t accept the apology right now, he could give Kacchan something to think over until they were reunited…?
“Hey, Kacchan?”
“Hmmm?” Kacchan hummed gently.
“I’m proud of you.”
Izuku wasn’t surprised by the second wave of tears.
“God damn it.” Bakugou cursed, not expecting his own reaction. Izuku might have thought he was frustrated by it, had his lips not curled up into a foolish grin. Far too triumphant and confident for everything at stake. “Get the hell out of here, I promise not to slap your hand away like an idiot this time.”
“I think we’re a little past that.” Izuku laughed, “Maybe I’ll be the one rampaging through the hospital this time?”
“I’ll be fuckin’ pissed if you go into another coma...” Bakugou grumbled “Don’t keep me waiting.”
Never again. “I won’t.”
Izuku took back to the sea. His heart was heavier, but his body felt lighter than ever. This feeling would take him straight to victory. Down the path they were always meant to take, where they may separate briefly but never stayed apart for long.
As soon as this was all over… He would never be without Kacchan again.
He couldn’t wait.