Chapter Text
I Have Arranged to Tie You to Me
The silence and stillness of the night were only broken by irregular rugged breaths and the excruciatingly slow movements of limbs too tense and hurt to move. A young man with long ink-black hair thrown over his broad shoulder to be kept away from a back full of bloodied crisscrosses lay on his stomach on a long bed; his white inner robes had been slipped down his hips not to cause friction. The sheets were already red and sweaty but frequent changes were torture for the injured young master and he preferred the stagnant smell to the continuous presence of hands on his body; none of these hands had a right to touch him, not even the healers. There was only one person's touch that he wanted, needed, craved and that person was dead.
The news hadn't been a surprise. How much longer could his beloved resist against the forces of a world too cruel for someone so bright? Lan Wangji had taken too much time to find the right path and by the time he had been ready to start walking it, it was too late. He had been punished for befriending evilness but in his mind, his punishment was for being unable to be righteous and just; to be worthy of his beloved.
"Wei Ying."
The name fell from his chapped lips like a broken sob. There would never again be a response to it. His brother had told him Wei Ying's spirit had disappeared from the world; his soul had been utterly destroyed by the backlash of destroying the Tiger Amulet, never to enter the reincarnation cycle. The people Wei Ying had strived to protect had also been killed; murdered in cold blood. They would have never been allowed to exist for too long but Wangji hoped they had spent the last year in as much peace as possible. Wei Ying had helped them build a home in the most unwelcome place and had turned them into his family. Wangji sent a quick prayer to the heavens for those souls to find peace in the afterlife.
He especially thought of the boy, A-Yuan, whom Wei Ying had claimed as his own. It was a small mercy that the boy was safe, hidden in Cloud Recesses. His brother, Lan Xichen, had found the little kid, barely four years old, hidden in the trunk of a tree, shielded by layers upon layers of protective spells that disappeared as soon as Xichen approached. Wangji was sure that was his Wei Ying's job; he had made sure someone who would take care of the kid would find him. Wangji wanted to believe Wei Ying wanted A-Yuan to be delivered to him.
"Wei Ying."
The man tried to move a bit, pushing his muscles to do their job but even the slightest of movements stretched his back and opened the wounds there. Thirty-three strikes he had received. The scars would stay with him forever to remind him of his failure. Once the bleeding stopped, he'd be moved to the Cold Cave to spend two years of seclusion there. The last year would be spent in the Jingshi, and hopefully with A-Yuan. Wangji had decided to adopt the boy as his. Only he would understand the yearning in the kid's heart for his first guardian. Only he would be able to share real stories about Wei Wuxian with him.
"Wei Ying."
"Lan Zhan."
Shock ran through his whole body as if electricity had hit him. How could it be? There had only been two people who had called him by his birth name and they were both dead. And there was no mistaking that voice; he could cultivate to immortality and he'd still never be tired of hearing that voice.
"Wei Ying!"
A soft humorless laugher followed the call and Wangji was sure he felt his bed dip a bit as if there was a second body on it. Soft fingers ran through his hair, pushing it further away from the open wounds. There was hesitance as the fingers lingered above him, unsure of their welcome. Lan Wangji had always despised physical touch after all. Feeling the uncertainty and a yearning that burnt his skin, the man pushed his body upwards with whatever strength had remained inside him. The movement hurt like hell but soon cold caresses soothed his injuries and burning muscles. He fell back on the mattress with a sigh of relief.
He didn't know and he didn't care how but Wei Ying was there with him. He should have been eradicated from that world and the next and yet somehow he was in the Jingshi, touching him with a gentleness that no one had ever shown him. The discipline whip was used rarely because it was supposed to punish the severest of cases. Usually, it would be used once or twice. Thirty-three strikes could kill but Lan Wangji had endured. Of course, there was nerve damage; he was sure he would never again be as he was but he could live with that. He could work on ways around it. His cultivation was strong and it'd get even stronger. The healers did what they could to stop any infection and help him be as comfortable as possible but nothing could numb the pain; nothing but those clever fingers that oh so carefully ran through each slash and stopped the fire.
"Lan Zhan."
His name was spoken so softly. He had never heard Wei Ying say his name that way. He had hoped. He had desired. But he had gone about it in all the wrong ways and now it was too late. Tears gathered in his eyes but he refused to let them fall.
"Oh, Lan Zhan." Phantom fingers gathered the wetness. "I don't deserve your tears."
Full words. Wei Ying was able to communicate with him in full words. "Wei Ying deserves the world." He said because he meant it. "Wei Ying, stay." He begged.
There was silence for a bit and Lan Wangji felt dread. Had he scared him away? Had Wei Ying disappeared once again? Lan Wangji's heart started beating faster and he was sure his lungs didn't get enough oxygen in.
"Lan Zhan. Calm down." The voice was back and it held a serious commanding note. "Breathe!"
And Lan Wangji breathed. His lungs were filled with air and the world was once again visible even through his narrow view. The presence around him seemed to relax and the phantom fingers were back; caressing and soothing.
"A-Yuan is safe," Wangji said, wanting to also provide some reassurance to the other. "Brother found him."
A soft breeze hit his neck and it felt like a sigh of relief. "Thank you."
The minutes kept ticking and the fingers kept working. It was so relaxing that Lan Wangji found himself walking the thin line between sleep and awareness. Maybe that's why it took him a moment to understand the meaning of the next words.
"It's so relaxing here. Maybe I should have come with you. If we ever meet again, invite me again, please."
The words were nothing more than a whisper and Lan Wangji thought he had imagined them. But the soft touches slowly withdrew and, even though the pain had subsided, Lan Wangji felt cold and alone.
"Lan Zhan, there are some words that are hard to be said but I need to say them to you because I'll never again have the chance." Silence enough for a breath to be taken. "I am sorry and thank you."
Panic filled Lan Wangji's being. It grasped his heart and shook his core. Wei Ying was leaving forever. He had finally got a taste of what he yearned for and now Wei Ying would be gone forever; never again to tease him, challenge him, push him, and make him better. He couldn't allow it. He stretched his arms and, opening his senses, he grasped for the entity that was withdrawing. He kept pushing with a core that was dry but somehow kept giving. He tried to merge himself with Wei Ying's remains; he could die with him. He didn't care. He wanted to be with Wei Ying.
He felt the energy left behind tremble as it touched his skin. Emotions that weren't his filled him, trying to drown him. They were so strong. He felt fear, determination, protectiveness, fondness, and so much love. The emotions embraced him and clung to him before strong hands pushed his soul away.
Lan Wangji wanted to scream but there was no sound coming from his lips. He felt like he was falling and falling but he was aware his body never left the bed. Around him, images were projected to his consciousness and he saw a young boy with brown hair and a wide smile sitting under a straw room. There was snow everywhere around him and the kid was making straw figures to represent himself and his family. Then, the sound of a rattle was heard; the kid looked up and gave a smile so bright that the sun would feel envious of it. Lan Wangji felt astonished at seeing his young self approaching the kid that was Wei Ying and giving him the rattle he held. How could he have forgotten of that? He had met Wei Ying when he was a child and he had forgotten. The image disappeared and another replaced it. This time Wei Ying was a bit older and he was holding on to some blankets, trying to persuade Jiang Wanyin to open the door for him.
Lan Wangji's heart broke when the kid ran away in fear of the threat of being chased by some dogs. Another image of Wei Ying, maybe two years older, showed him kneeling all night in the Jiang ancestral hall. There was another of a slightly older Wei Ying being whipped by the Zidian. How could someone unleash such a powerful spiritual weapon on a kid?! There was one of Wei Ying, Wen Qing, and Wen Ning but Wei Ying wasn't surrounded by resentful enegry and Wen Ning wasn't a fierce corpse. Lan Wangji's heart broke into a million pieces seeing Wen Qing transfering Wei Ying's core into Jiang Wanyin. So many things made sense in a moment. The images kept whirling around Lan Zhan and he was about to experience the fall in the Burial Mounds when Wen Chao threw Wei Ying there to die when a scream was heard and everything went dark.
When Lan Wangji opened his eyes again, he noticed that he was still in the Jingshi but something was different about it. There were no personal belongings around that made it look inhabitant and the only thing that he recognized as his was Bichen. He also noticed that he was fully dressed and not in bed but rather lying ungracefully and uncomfortably on the floor before the closed door of the main room. Standing up, his disoriented brain caught up with what he had done. He had stood up, he was fully dressed and he could move without feeling any pain. Looking down at himself, another shock came to be added to the list; his body was different.
Lan Wangji didn't really care about appearances but there had always been a mirror in the Jingshi so its owner could be sure he looked proper before he left the house. With trembling hands, Wangji found the mirror and checked himself. Widened eyes met him; eyes that were found in a much younger face. Looking at the rest of his body, he noticed that he was much shorter than the previous day. Trying to calculate, he thought that he couldn't be older than twelve or thirteen. Was this some kind of dream?
A knock on the door got him out of his reverie and he took a deep breath to center his mind. He could feel his core and it wasn't as strong as it had been and that confirmed once again that he was back in his teen body. He made sure his ribbon wasn't crooked and he opened the door coming face to face with his brother; his brother that didn't look older than sixteen. In his hands, he held a tray full of bowls.
"Wangji." Lan Xichen greeted him with a soft smile, that quickly turned into a concerned frown. "Are you alright?"
Lan Wangji looked down at himself. His clothes were pristine but slightly creased. On anyone else, it wouldn't cause any unnecessary looks but on Wangji it looked like trouble.
"Brother," Wangji said, internally cringing at how his voice sounded so youthful, "I am fine. I fell asleep while studying." It was a lie but he couldn't tell him he had been thrown to his old body and his old life. "Forgive me. I will change."
Xichen set the tray on the table and boiled some tea. By the time the tea was served, Lan Wangji was ready to properly greet him. They took their breakfast in silence and only started talking, with Xichen doing most of the talking when their chopsticks were put down. Through the soft chatter and gentle nudging from Wangji, the younger brother found out the date. Based on it he calculated that he was almost thirteen and Lan Xichen almost sixteen. He had been thrown nine years into the past.
For the next days, Lan Wangji let himself be acclimated with the Cloud Recesses of the past. Seeing faces that had been lost during the attack was painful but most things hadn't changed much. The greatest change for Lan Wangji was the fact his father was alive. Having lost him once and understanding him a bit more due to his love for Wei Ying, Wangji tried to spend more time with him; creating a bit of a bond with the man that he didn't have in his previous life. But no matter how happy Lan Wangji was that he could move freely and see familiar faces, happiness that of course never registered on his face, his thoughts were focused on Wei Ying.
He remembered everything from his previous life. He thought that maybe with time he'd forget his memories so he had written down the most important things and hid the scroll under a loose plank close to his bed but the memories never left him. And his love for Wei Ying only grew stronger. Initially, there had been panic. He was worried that maybe this wasn't the past but maybe another world; another dimension. If time traveling was possible why couldn't other dimensions also exist? What if that was a world that didn't have Wei Ying? After all, the man was supposed to be destroyed and yet his soul had lingered around him before it was torn apart from him.
But then one day he was having tea with his uncle and some elders, and Wei Ying's name was mentioned. His uncle had always made it a habit that both Xichen and he were informed about the basic events outside their walls and the fact the Jiangs had chosen a head disciple was news that they needed to know. They had briefly mentioned the twelve years old boy as Wei Wuxian and Jiang Fengmian's ward but it was enough for Wangji. However, with all his memories and the flashes he had seen that most probably belonged to Wei Ying's memories, Wangji started questioning some things.
Jiang Fengmian had saved Wei Ying from the streets and had brought him to Lotus Pier claiming he wanted to honor his good friend. Wei Changze had been a servant in the Jiang Clan and the head disciple. He had fallen in love with Cangse Sanren, a rogue cultivator that had studied under the famous Baoshan Sanren, and had left the Jiang Clan. He had been released from his contract. That should mean that Wei Ying had been born a free child of two rogue cultivators. It was honorable of Jiang Fengmian to want to save the kid of his friend from a life in the streets but when he brought the kid in, he named him his ward but didn't adopt him; not wishing to ire his wife anymore. The position of the kid was precarious. He was Jiang Wanyin and Jiang Yanli's martial brother and their playmate but he was also called a servant quite often. When his core was developed before Jiang Cheng, he was trained as a disciple, and soon he rose into the position of the head disciple; way too soon. He was barely shy of his thirteen years when he got the title. Still, from everything Wangji had seen and heard, he knew that Wei Ying's position was still shaky. He held one of the highest positions but the family treated him differently depending on their moods.
The thought that Wei Ying was being abused, emotionally and physically, in that household filled Wangji with rage. Wei Ying had visited Cloud Recesses when Lan Wangji was almost sixteen. He had been in the past for more than half a year so if everything went according to what he remembered they'd meet in two years. He didn't know if he could wait two years without seeing him and without knowing if he was okay. He had to find a way to meet with Wei Ying, even if probably the boy didn't even know him. But he couldn't find a good opportunity.
Then, one day something happened that changed everything. Lan Wangji had an excellent memory but some things happened that he didn't care enough to keep track of. In his previous life, he had heard Wei Ying's name long before he met him but the name held no meaning to him back then. A lot of things were different now because he had a different perspective and focus. So, when the elders called another meeting that his brother and he were to attend just to be prepared for the future, he didn't care much. That was until the subject of alliances and marriage was brought up. In the past, the elders had suggested the same thing but both Xichen and Wangji weren't willing to marry that way when there was no real hurry or threat to make it necessary.
However, this time, the suggestion gave Wangji an idea. As the elders discussed Jiang Yanli's betrothal to Jin Zixuan and the fact there had been some unrest from the Wen side as more small clans were taken in by the clan, an elder brought up the alliances once again. They all expected Wangji to politely decline but the boy seemed suddenly more attentive. It was problematic that from all the prominent clans only the Jiang Clan had a female direct descendant but with Wangji being the second successor of the Lan Clan, the elders didn't mind having him marry a man. After all, the marriage would be only on the papers; an alliance. It would be a paper wedding. Being the second brother also meant he could marry outside the clan.
"There are two good options. There is Jiang Wanyin who is the heir to the Jiang Clan. When Jiang Yanli will be married into the Jin Clan, there will be strong ties between them. Through a marriage with the Jiang Clan, we can also secure the Jin Clan's support." An elder said, thinking of the matter seriously.
Lan Wangji would rather stab himself with Bichen than even consider marrying Jiang Wanyin. The man had been his beloved's martial brother, considered a real brother by Wei Ying, and he had done nothing but harbor resentment for Wei Ying because the bright boy had been better than the heir.
"No."
The elder was about to say something more but Wangji's cold eyes stopped him. Jiang Wanyin would get his due when the time came.
"What about Nie Huaisang? He is a kind boy with an inclination toward art. He isn't as studious as he should be and he is a half-brother to Nie Mingjue but he is still the heir to the Nie Clan."
"No."
Wangji's answer was absolute once again. Nie Huaisang was someone he knew since childhood due to his brother's friendship with Nie Mingjue but the boy had never attracted Wangji's attraction. The only reason he had even noticed him was that Wei Ying often spent time with the Nie heir; it had made Wangji jealous quite sometimes actually when they were studying in Cloud Recesses.
"Young master, these are the options when it comes to the prominent clans. I don't believe you would consider marrying into the Wen Clan. There's a young cultivator named Wen Qing that shows great promise…" One of the elders was in distress but he seemed to have found a good chance to introduce an option no other had brought up.
"There is another option." Wangji interrupted him, breaking one of their rules.
But who would call him out on that? Everyone was quite interested in what he said. It was the first time he even considered the possibility after all so they were all eager to please him and benefit from it. Wangji could feel his brother's and uncle's eyes on him.
"The Jiang Clan's Head Disciple, Wei Wuxian." He announced, feeling such pleasure at being able to call his beloved's name openly, even if it was just his courtesy name. "The boy rose as a head disciple at the age of twelve. I've heard he is really intelligent; an inventor. He's also a master of the six arts."
Silence followed his words. Everyone was quite impressed by how much he knew about this head disciple and the praise that was given to him.
"Wangji, he is the son of a servant." His uncle tried to reason with him.
"We do not care about one's birth circumstances. He was not gifted his position. He earned it." Wangji stood straight and proud in front of his uncle. "Moreover, I am not convinced he is a servant. His parents were both rogue cultivators. If the elders and you, uncle, agree to the betrothal, I would like to discuss them further with you."
He would not allow anyone to insult Wei Ying in his clan; especially for something irrelevant to him as were the circumstances of his birth. They favored skills over bloodlines. They were supposed to be righteous and just. This time, Lan Wangji would make sure his family followed their own rules. It would be tricky to bring Wei Ying into his clan and sever his ties with the Jiang clan at the same time but Lan Wangji was confident. He would monitor the situation. He would protect his beloved with his title, and if the Jiang clan was indeed abusive, he'd take Wei Ying to Gusu and protect him. He was sure that as soon as his family met Wei Ying and understood how brilliant he was and how much he could help all of them, they would see that no alliance was more beneficial than that.
Clearly, his uncle wasn't impressed by his tone but he said nothing. The elders and he withdrew to another room to discuss the matter and Wangji was left behind with Xichen who proposed they could have some tea together. Obediently, Wangji followed his brother and served him some tea.
"Wangji, do you know young master Wei? The way you talked about him made me think he is someone you know." Xichen asked with great curiosity.
Lying was forbidden but Wangji could bend the truth a bit. "I heard about him and something about his situation reminded me of an encounter when I was young." After taking a sip of his tea, he continued. "I met a boy in the streets. He was alone and cold but he wouldn't stop smiling. I gave him a toy I had and he was so polite and kind. But when I brought uncle to the place, the boy was gone."
It had taken quite some digging in his memory to remember that day but knowing it was Wei Ying who he had met, Lan Wangji had accessed the memory and remembered the details. Back then, he had never seen someone smiling so sweetly while being covered in dirt and having so little on his name. The kid thanked him again and again after shyly accepting the gift as if it was the most precious thing in the world. Wangji had returned to his uncle who had reprimanded him for leaving his hand and wondering in an unknown city, but when they both went to find the kid, Wei Ying was gone. Wangji wondered how many things would have been different if they had found him. His uncle was strict, but he wouldn't leave the poor boy there.
"Are you sure it's the same boy?" Xichen was thoughtful. He couldn't understand how such a small encounter could make his brother want to tie his life with a stranger.
"I am. Our clan will be benefited from an alliance. I know about Wei Wuxian's nature. He is a better option than the others." Xichen knew him. He should make him understand it was valuable to the clan to have Wei Ying there and reassure him that the other's presence would be tolerable.
If only his brother knew the truth or the depth of Wangji's feelings for Wei Ying.
"I just want you to be happy." His brother sighed, and looked at his teacup. "Forcing you into a marriage, even a paper one, isn't what I want for you."
"Not forcing." Wangji's voice was a bit softer than usual; showing kindness and openness he rarely allowed others to see. It seemed to reassure his brother and they spent the rest of the time in comfortable silence.
Hours later, the elders and his uncle emerged from the room they had locked themselves in. The elders bowed to Xichen and Wangji and departed. Then, their uncle approached them. Wangji felt his heart beat fast but his face was as expressionless as always.
"I will send a letter to the Jiang Clan Leader with our proposition. If he agrees to it, I'll meet with him to draft the betrothal contract." Lan Qiren announced, seriously. "Wangji, are you sure this is something you want?"
"Yes."
With a sigh, his uncle placed a hand on Wangji's shoulder, barely allowing the touch to linger. "So it may be."
And with those words, he also left the building. Wangji left with Xichen a bit after. As he walked toward the Jingshi, there was a nervous feeling in him that kept building. He hadn't thought his plan through when he had shown his interest and then had tried to push his suggestion forward. But now a new thought occurred to him? What if Wei Ying wasn't happy with the betrothal?