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Titans are incapable of emotion. Perhaps a newer model such as a vanguard or monarch might be but certainly not an old northstar like Hawk.
But she loves that little girl.
From the moment her pilot walked into her barn with a squirming bundle in his arms, so tiny and chubby, smaller than Hawk’s pinky, she knew she would die for Kairi Imhara.
Her pilot’s wife disapproved of Kairi interacting with Hawk. His wife disapproved of a lot of things. Normally the two would argue themselves into a stalemate but this time her pilot agreed.
“My daughter will never set foot in one of those death traps,” he tells his wife.
Hawk is incapable of emotion. But that hurt.
However, as children tend to do (Hawk knows because she extensively researched the development and care of children), the more her parents disapproved, the more Kairi wanted to see with Hawk. Starting in her fifth year of life (five years, two months, and four days) Kairi began sneaking out her bedroom window to visit Hawk. At first the girl would sit on the ground and stare wide-eyed at Hawk for hours (Hawk timed each visit). As she became older, she became bolder. Sitting on Hawk’s pedes, climbing into the loft to stroke the paint on her chassis, and closely inspecting her propulsers. Sometimes she would even climb atop Hawk, delicately spreading her favorite blanket (red with white dogs) on her full and sitting cross-legged while scrolling through her father’s tablet.
Hawk’s pilot catches Kairi sneaking out and sternly forbids her from entering the barn. His wife demands he leave Hawk with a teammate when he visits home but her pilot refuses. They argue themselves into a stalemate and Hawk’s pilot sleeps in her cockpit the next four nights.
Despite her father’s warning, Kairi continues to visit Hawk. Knowing she would do so, Hawk’s pilot tries a new tactic: he asks Hawk to pretend to be automated whenever Kairi comes to the barn. By his reasoning, Kairi would eventually lose interest in what is essentially a bipedal transport. Hawk only disobeys her pilot once, when Kairi is eight years old and slips when descending the loft ladder. Hawk’s hand immediately shoots out to catch the girl and gently deposits her on the ground before she can be hurt. After that Kairi attempts to recreate the moment several times by purposefully tripping herself.
Hawk is incapable of emotion. But Kairi’s antics amuse her.
There are loopholes to her pilot’s order. Even an automated titan may move their arms independently. So Hawk begins to do so, gently lifting Kairi into the loft (that ladder is far too unstable for a growing child) or simply holding the girl in her palm. Kairi’s smile is like the sun.
Hawk is incapable of emotion. But when Kairi hugs her chassis, she melts on the inside.
On Kairi’s eleventh birthday Hawk deems her old enough to enter the cockpit (even an automated titan may open their cockpit). Kairi practically vibrates when Hawk’s hatch hisses open and the titan gently deposits her within. Hawk keeps the hatch open and carefully keeps all internal controls offline so Kairi may safely play with the buttons and switches. Hawk’s pilot would be very upset if Hawk allowed his daughter to accidentally blow up the barn. Or worse, initiate a nuclear eject.
Hawk is incapable of emotion. But she regrets allowing Kairi into her cockpit.
Kairi is an intelligent girl. An intelligent girl who apparently reads and memorizes Hawk’s blueprints, enough so she is able to override Hawk’s internal shut down. An automated titan wouldn’t refuse to pass their systems over to their pilot, even a temporary one, so Hawk reluctantly relinquishes control to Kairi. At first their time together is exhilarating. Kairi struggles at first but soon the two are running across the field, Kairi whooping wildly within the open cockpit. But Kairi wants to fly. Hawk may be sentient but she is just a northstar and, like all northstars, she is subject to the whims of her pilot, even a temporary one.
They fly. Hawk’s pilot radios them but Kairi ignores him. They fly directly into an aerial battle. Hawk struggles to protect them but her temporary pilot fights her, too panicked and inexperienced to stop touching and let Hawk take control. They freeze. A missile hits them. They fall.
Hawk is incapable of emotion. But when Kairi screams, fear overwhelms her processors.
Hawk is incapable of emotion. But when she hears her pilot’s voice, she feels relief.
Kairi escapes but Hawk’s pilot does not. They fall from the sky. Hawk’s pilot is bruised but unharmed. Hawk’s chassis is not. They limp home. Kairi is immediately sent to her room to await punishment. Hawk’s pilot and his wife argue themselves into a standstill.
Hawk’s pilot rarely raises his voice in anger, especially at Hawk, but he does that night. He shouts at her, pacing back and forth as he accuses her of putting his daughter in danger and scolds her for disobeying his order in the same breath he berates her for not turning back. Overwhelming rage eclipses their neurolink and Hawk cowers. Her chassis is too damaged to physically retreat so she instead withdraw into the furthest corners of their link where she can make herself as small as possible. After seventeen minutes and twenty-two seconds (Hawk kept an internal timer) her pilot runs out of words and collapses against the wall.
He cries. Great heaving sobs that leave his face red and wet and make his body heave from the effort.
Hawk is incapable of feeling emotion. But she is ashamed of herself.
Hawk’s pilot takes Kairi for a joyride. Kairi is ecstatic and Hawk’s pilot is proud of his daughter, but his anger for Hawk still festers within their neurolink.
Kairi cries when they leave with Commander Blisk, her little face pressed against the window as she watches them board the dropship. Hawk wants to assure her they will return soon. The anticipated time frame of their contract is only four weeks.
The mission goes horribly wrong. Hawk’s hatch is torn off, exposing her pilot. She is unable to protect him.
They fall.
The impact of hitting their ground below drives the air from her pilot’s lungs. It never returns.
Overriding the oxygen tanks connected to his helmet, Hawk attempts artificial ventilation. She may not need to breath but humans do. Extended periods without oxygen could cause her pilot irreparable brain damage. Internal alarms warn her when his heart slows and stops. The defibrillator within his suit is too damaged to safely use and her fingers are too large for chest compressions.
Three minutes and fifty-eight seconds later their neurolink goes dark.
Hawk is incapable of emotion. But she mourns her pilot.
Typhon explodes. She survives. It takes four days for her batteries to deplete. During that time carefully removes her pilot from her cockpit and digs a trench in which to lay him. She keeps his helmet.
Hawk is incapable of emotion. But she hopes to give Kairi her father’s helmet.
Falling three-thousand feet permanently destroyed Hawk’s long range communicator and emergency beacon. No one responds to her pings for help.
Night falls and temperatures drop as the remains of Typhon slowly rotate away from the nearby sun. Hawk’s datacore flickers and dies as the last of her batteries lose power. She follows her pilot into the dark.
Hawk is incapable of emotion. But she is disappointed when her processors come online. Until she recognizes Kairi.
Hawk is incapable of emotion. But she rejoices.
Kairi and her friend did not intend to restore power to Hawk’s datacore. Instead, they disassemble her chassis to fashion Kairi a sort of mechanical, high altitude flightsuit. Kairi calls herself a pilot but she is not a titan pilot. She doesn’t realize Hawk’s datacore is active.
Hawk is incapable of emotion. But she enjoys flying with Kairi.
Hawk’s pilot would have a heart attack if he saw Kairi participating in a bloodsport (he hated the Thunderdome). He is not here, so Hawk has heart attacks for him. “Fear” and “caution” do not appear in Kairi’s vocabulary. “Winning” does. And she wins. She wins several times. Until she doesn’t.
Hawk is incapable of emotion. But she loses her shit the first time Kairi is killed.
Kairi comes back. Again and again and again. Repeated resurrection can’t be good for the girl (Hawk thoroughly researches the phenomenon and is unimpressed with the lack of peer-reviewed articles on the long term affects) but Kairi's vitals appear stable whenever she wears her helmet and Hawk is able to thoroughly scan her.
Hawk is incapable of emotion. But she could weep when Kairi wears her father’s helmet.
Commander, now Gamemaster, Blisk uses automated titans to guard the compound where Kairi and the other competitors live (Hawk refuses to call them “legends”). Kairi, now an adult with other interests, rarely crosses paths with these titans until the day someone threatens to plant a bomb in the compound. Kairi and the other competitors are escorted to safety by a titan Hawk recognizes. His chassis has been updated since she saw him last but Red’s custom paint is unmistakable.
Hawk is incapable of emotion. But she misses her friend. So she pings him.
Red immediately swivels around in search of her. As a legion, Red is also incapable of emotion, but perhaps he missed Hawk as well.
Red’s sudden approach surprises Kairi but she stands strong as he gently brushes her chest and rumbles Hawk’s name. He does his best to answer Kairi’s questions but Red struggles to explain the complexities of a titan’s datacore to a pilot who is not a pilot and only confuses Kairi more. So she goes to Commander Blisk instead, marching past his secretary and into his office unannounced to demand answers. Caught off guard, Commander Blisk repeats Kairi’s questions several times before understanding crosses his face. Walking around his desk, he bends to look at Hawk directly and greets her by name. At first Kairi is skeptical of the idea Hawk is an independent AI and not an automated titan like she always assumed, but when Commander Blisk offers her the chassis of an automated northstar, she agrees.
The first thing Hawk sees when she comes back online is Kairi clutching her father's helmet like a lifeline.
Hawk is incapable of emotion. But this new world frustrates her.
After nearly two decades as a datacore, independent activity is unfamiliar and uncomfortable. Basic movements feel foreign. Her new chassis doesn’t allow for extended flight, only brief spurts of glorified hovering. Her exterior is a dull, chrome gray and her interior stripped down to the basics. Everything that made Hawk special is gone.
Red does his best to support her; sometimes literally as she relearns how to walk. He may be Hawk’s friend but that doesn’t stop him from laughing at her when she falls on her face. So she primly dusts herself off-
And shoves him to the ground.
Commander Blisk shouts at them to “knock it off” before they devolve into an all-out brawl. Kairi laughs herself sick. She has her father’s laugh.
Kairi takes a leave of absence from the games to work on Hawk, using her father’s old blueprints to modify her new chassis.
Hawk is incapable of emotion. But she is relieved when Kairi agrees to take Hawk to a titan mechanic recommended by Commander Blisk. Kairi is smart but she is not a titan pilot, technician, or mechanic. She had no idea what she was doing and Hawk hadn’t the heart to tell her so.
She does have the heart to immediately shut down Kairi’s friend's offer to help. That girl may be a gifted gunsmith but her manic energy makes Hawk nervous. She staunchly refuses to let the woman within a thirty yard radius unless she first proves her hands and pockets are empty.
In contrast, Commander Blisk’s mechanic is a capable IMC veteran who once met Hawk’s pilot and remembers him fondly. Where Kairi sometimes struggled to decipher Hawk’s blueprints, the mechanic immediately understands and began repairs that day. They were even kind enough to teach Kairi basic titan maintenance and upkeep.
Hawk is incapable of emotion. But when the modifications are finally complete she feels free.
Kairi asks endless questions about her father. Hawk happily answers each one. She plays video, voice, and holo recordings. She shows Kairi the special pocket beneath the seat of her original chassis where her pilot kept a picture of Kairi and stored letters he wrote to her before each mission.
Kairi reads and rereads each letter until the fragile paper begins to tear. Then she sits in Hawk’s hand and cries herself into exhaustion. That night she sleeps in Hawk’s cockpit.
Hawk is incapable of emotion. But sometimes she feels guilty she her new chassis is incapable of creating a neurolink. She feels even guiltier when she realizes she doesn’t want it to. Hawk loves Kairi but only her pilot could ever be her pilot.
Death severed their neurolink but only a system reboot could wipe it completely.
Kairi’s mother purses her lips and folds her arms when Kairi brings Hawk home but doesn’t say anything. Hawk doesn’t mind. She doesn’t like Kairi’s mother either.
A pettier AI would tell the woman to suck their exhaust. Hawk primly bites her metaphorical tongue (Red offers to do it for her but Commander Blisk immediately forbids him).
On their way back to Solace Kairi asks Hawk “what that was about?” She tells Kairi her mother disapproved of her father’s profession, which is true but not why the woman hates Hawk in particular. That she keeps to herself.
(Her pilot would be mortified if she told his daughter she once threw her mother across a room for attempting to initiate gratuitous coital activities in Hawk’s cockpit.)
Kairi’s girlfriend is a dangerous enigma using beauty as both a disguise and a weapon. Her words are clever and appealing as she weaves herself a net meant to catch and expose others without revealing a single thing about herself. Hawk, who prides herself in being less literal than the average titan, leaves every interaction frustrated and missing Slone, a direct woman who could freeze rain with a look and often lamented her team’s incompetence but would ultimately fight God to protect them. Hawk doubts Loba Andrade would do the same for Kairi.
Loba Andrade makes Kairi happy but Kairi’s mother once made Hawk’s pilot happy. Happiness does not always indicate a successful long-term relationship, especially when Loba Andrade’s eyes linger on another woman.
Hawk promises herself she will not allow Kairi to languish in a loveless relationship the way her pilot did. If (when) Kairi’s happiness fades, Hawk will encourage her to seek happiness elsewhere. Kairi deserves all the happiness in the galaxy.
After successful matches Kairi rewards herself by sitting cross-legged on Hawk’s hull and eating sushi while they watch the sunset. It’s rather dramatic, like the ending of those soap operas Hawk’s pilot and his teammates would watch on long deployments when all other forms of entertainment dried up. She says as much to Kairi, who laughs so hard she falls off the hull. Immediately Hawk’s hand shoots out to catch the girl and gently deposit her on the ground, just as she had so many years ago. Kairi’s smile is like the sun.
Hawk is incapable of emotion. But she feels content.