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“I’m so glad you could make it,” Claire purred, pulling Chris in. “I know you have a lot on, but—”
“Ah, what’s the harm in going to my sister’s birthday party?” They both knew very well what the potential harm was, but family had always been a priority for Chris, and he wasn’t giving up now. Regardless, he was late.
“Hi, Chris.” Leon waved cordially from the shadows of the back wall of Claire’s living room.
“Leon,” he smiled politely, unsure of where they were with each other.
“I promise I'll catch up with you in a minute, but... Are you guys okay with chatting a little while I talk to Sherry more? I know, I know, awful hostess, but I really just need to… check on her.”
“No, no, go on. I’m sure Leon can… show me around?” He already knew the layout of her house. All present knew this.
As soon as he offered, however, Claire was sliding into an armchair beside Sherry and striking up conversation as easily as a match on a board. Leon walked over as he shut the door behind him and put his hand out.
He took it, and as Leon tried to shake, he squeezed, patting him on the shoulder with his other hand. It created an awkward half-handshake, one that neither was comfortable with. They broke whatever brief eye contact they’d been attempting, and just stuck to what they knew. Formality and words memorised from years of having to pretend they liked schmoozing with government officials who were scared to even see a zombie. “Yeah, so. There’s music. There’s a punch bowl.” Non-alcoholic. Considerate. Claire still drank alcohol, but she was aware of the problems many of her friends had with it—especially Leon and Chris. “There’s some… party food over there, but I’m pretty sure it’s mostly gone by now. Not much to do. Unless you’re into Twister or socialising.”
Claire had more living friends than Chris and Leon combined, so while the party wasn’t crowded, it created a soft murmur no matter where you were in the house. Music from a playlist playing on her TV drifted over, and a couple of people were dancing to it. It had recently shuffled from an upbeat song they’d heard on the radio a thousand times to something softer people were swaying to. “I’ve got some moves. Care to dance?”
Leon chuckled. It wasn’t funny, but both men needed some help in lightening the mood. “Oh yeah? Sure. Show me.”
Chris slipped off his shoes and followed Leon to their ‘dancefloor’—a rug in the middle of the room that had sort of been overtaken by the other people dancing. Most of them took up the usual couple’s pose, including someone he swore he’d seen at one of Claire’s work things. Granted, his usual style of dancing was shuffling on the spot to something from the 90s, but he’d cope with a slow dance. He reached for Leon’s hand and back, automatically slipping into a leading position.
Leon halted slightly, also reaching for Chris’ back. He readjusted to reach for his shoulder. “Didn’t know you danced.”
“I don’t, really. Just something you pick up.”
“Oh,” Leon hummed. “I guess I didn’t pick it up as well as you did.”
“Aw, it’s fine.” He shrugged it off, and took a step to the side, which Leon clumsily followed. “You’ll get it.”
As sweet as the sentiment was, Leon felt belittled. He focused on trying to follow Chris, something fairly unnatural for him. Even when he’d danced with Ada, she tended to let him take a leading role. It was an act of respect between them, considering how much she threw him for loops in their professional lives. He found himself attempting to anticipate Chris’ next move, instead of easing into the dance.
As much as he tried, Chris couldn’t ignore the way Leon was still stiff, hand touching as little of Chris’ as possible. Neither of them were especially inclined to physical contact, but this was strange. He had assumed they’d gotten close enough to touch over the years, especially recently. “Are you… okay?”
“Is there any point in asking?” He turned his head further away from Chris.
“We can go get a drink and just talk.”
“No, Claire is… she set all this up, for her own birthday, damnit,” he sighed. “Least I can do is make sure she knows we’re doing alright. I’ll get another chance to dance with her later.”
“Hey, that’s my sister you’re talking about,” Chris lightly joked, squeezing Leon’s hand to punctuate it. His face was stiff. He continued, brushing it off. “It’s… it’s good to know you care about her, but you’re a pain to dance with.”
He pushed them apart, holding him by the arms. “Well, what do you want me to do?!” he snapped, and Sherry turned her head slightly in the corner of his vision. He pulled them together again and continued talking quietly. “I don’t like dancing like this. I don’t like that I’m supposed to follow you just because you happen to be a couple inches taller and built like a brick outhouse.”
“You could lead, if you wanted. I’m okay with following.” Chris shifted his hand from his back to his shoulder, encouraging Leon to switch with him. He easily moulded them into their new position, Leon’s hand shakily edging its way down.
“You’re fine with this?”
“Like you said, I don’t particularly want to lead just because I’m taller. It’s nice to follow sometimes. When Jill and I used to fool around, back before everything, we’d take it in turns.”
“What?” Leon squinted, halting their dance for a second.
“We used to switch?”
“I’m sorry, are we still talking about dancing?”
“What?” Huffing to stifle his laughter, he grinned at the floor. “By ‘fool around’, I meant ‘mess about’. Uh, you know. Have fun. Agh, is there any way to say this without making it sound like sex?”
Leon rubbed his lower lip against his teeth, fighting a smile that was clear by the tension in his cheeks. “I get it. Just be clearer next time, okay?”
“Received.” For the next few minutes, as the song came to an end, they chuckled between them as you only can when you’re trying to hold back full laughter in a public place because it isn’t appropriate. It’s the sweetest kind of laughter, warmth stuck in your upper chest and neck because it has nowhere to go. The kind of laughter you think about in your bed, hours later, and laugh once more, letting out the last few breaths that couldn’t escape in the moment.
Both men eased up, Chris happily letting Leon control their pace, though they didn't move far in the relatively small space. Chris leaned into Leon's touch, taking in the sweet smell he hadn't smelled without blood mixed in it for a long time. He wouldn't consider them to be anything more than friends, but he also couldn't deny how he wished he could spend more time in his arms. Maybe another time. Maybe somewhere quieter. Here, right in Claire's living room, with people they only knew vaguely, was not the right time or place. Unknown to him, Leon was hoping the same thing, hand going lower on his back, testing the waters.
Leon's hand at his back felt so natural, he could barely tell that it was drawing them closer.
Claire walked up to them again, smiling. Her hair was out of place from dancing and the natural friendly hubbub of small parties. Cheeks rosy, she greeted them, “How are my boys doing?”
“Better than we were when you last checked in on us,” Leon offered, glancing at Chris to check this. He nodded, only now taking his hand off Leon’s shoulder. Leon quickly followed suit, discreetly sliding his hand from where it was now resting on Chris’ hips. “How’s Sherry?”
“I thought you’d already talked to her?”
“I know she tells you some things she doesn’t tell me.”
“It’s like you two have a daughter,” Chris commented from the side-lines.
Claire laughed, adjusting the straps on her top. “In a way, we do. I wish we’d had the chance to be closer to her, after.” The vague reference was more than enough information for all present. The word ‘Raccoon’ just couldn’t be used and still keep the cheerful tone of the conversation.
“You know you’re important to her, Claire. Maybe the most important thing.” Jake also turned up when he thought about people he knew were close to Sherry, but he wasn’t important right now, especially not around Chris. Their experiences monitored so many things they could or could not talk about. “You were the first person she asked about after Lanshiang.”
“Aww, Leon.” Her arms were quick to snatch a hug from him, encouraging him to loosen more into his comfort zone and hug her back. She was all too aware of how he felt a lot of the time, but maybe not that she was the best remedy. Regardless of how much she knew, he accepted her with a lingering touch that told the both of them that they were safe with each other. “Thank you so much for being here, by the way. I know it’s—”
“Don’t,” he murmured against her hair, shutting down any pity incoming. He broke their hug with a simple, “I love you.”
“Love you, too.” She smiled at Chris somewhat apologetically, aware he was still just standing there. Their hug was somewhat quicker and more as a matter of formality, patting her back firmly to seal the deal. “Okay, you boys alright with keeping each other company a while longer while I go talk to Nancy?”
Neither of them knew who Nancy was. Maybe a neighbour? Chris answered for both of them. “Sure.”
“Alright. Love you both,” she waved, hips swaying in a way exaggerated by the now upbeat thrum of the music.
Leon led them to the kitchen. “What now?”
Chris rested his forearms on the counter. “We could keep dancing, or just… talk, I guess.”
Wincing, images came in his mind of them awkwardly sitting at a table and making small talk. ‘How are you?’ ‘Fine.’ ‘How’s the weather where you are?’ ‘Fine.’ ‘Fine.’ ‘Fine.’ It ruffled him the wrong way. “Dance.”
“Can’t exactly slow dance anymore, can we?” he hummed.
“No, but… is that your only dance?”
“The only one I practised.”
“I could teach you some r eal dance moves,” Leon suggested. “You have to use your hips .”
“Oh, no,” he laughed. “Spare me.”
“No, come on! What happened to that perky attitude? Come on!” He touched his arm, not actually pulling, but it was enough to get Chris to follow him.
“You’re awful,” he sighed. “Truly awful.” And yet, they met each others’ eyes with ease, warmth rising in his chest. Maybe the party wouldn’t be so bad, after all.