Chapter Text
Wei Ying is being aggressively normal . This is his strategy. He’s going to show Lan Zhan that he can be a mature adult who has a sexual relationship with his friend without getting all weird and feelings-y (if he is getting all weird and feelings-y that’s no one’s business but his own, and he feels very mature and adult about it all, really.)
Lan Zhan, too, is being very normal, which is immensely gratifying. Neither of them have brought up doing another scene if only because Wei Ying is absolutely snowed under with work until at least halfway through the week, only able to send scattered gifs to Lan Zhan over text complaining about how overworked he is. Lan Zhan replies with thoughtfully selected bunny gifs that make Wei Ying feel warm and fuzzy inside.
When Wei Ying emerges from his work-induced stupor sometime on Thursday afternoon, he checks his phone to find a text from Lan Zhan.
Lan Zhan
Are you free for brunch on Saturday?
This is unusual, Lan Zhan does not often suggest an outing as potentially fraught with crowds and noise as Saturday brunch, usually they stick to museums, parks or other places where there is plenty of room to breathe away from huge groups of people. Still, Wei Ying is only human and he loves brunch, which Lan Zhan knows.
Wei Ying
Yes!! You sure you’re ready to brave the brunch-hungry crowds?
Lan Zhan
I am sure. There is a new restaurant down the street from my apartment, if you would like to try it.
Wei Ying does some quick googling and texts back.
Wei Ying
Yes!!!! 10AM?
That is, in Wei Ying’s opinion, too early for brunch but he defers to Lan Zhan on this because he knows that a) Lan Zhan wakes up at 5AM every day like an insane person and b) the restaurant will only get busier later in the day.
Lan Zhan
I will meet you there.
Wei Ying, who had been anticipating that they would meet at Lan Zhan’s apartment and walk over, is briefly stymied. He shakes it off though, it’s not a big deal either way. He responds to Lan Zhan with several thumbs up and sparkle emojis and thinks nothing of it until Saturday morning.
-
On Saturday morning Wei Ying drags himself out of bed, giving himself approximately thirty minutes to dress, bully his hair into a ponytail and drink some coffee before hopping on the bus that takes him by Lan Zhan’s apartment building.
He’d been pretty sure he’d given himself enough time but the bus gets stuck at every red light on the way and by the time he finally half-walks half-jogs the block between the bus stop and the restaurant it is already 10:15AM. He skids to a stop just outside, where there are some tables set up under a large awning and where Lan Zhan is leaning against a short wall next to the door, looking, thankfully, at his phone and not at whatever Wei Ying’s hair is doing now.
He fumbles with the ponytail as he walks over to Lan Zhan, insinuating his face between Lan Zhan and his phone and grinning broadly up at him.
“Sorry I’m late,” he says – too many of their interactions begin this way, unfortunately, “Bus ride was hell.” Lan Zhan nods, like he’s not a person who’s always carefully budgeting an extra fifteen minutes into travel time to account for these things.
They go inside and, to Wei Ying’s surprise, are seated almost immediately, snagging a table on the patio outside. They both order – Wei Ying an omelet and Lan Zhan strawberry crepes – and Wei Ying finally gets another cup of coffee, holding the mug tightly in his hands against the slight chill in the early fall air.
“So!” he starts, when he has been sufficiently caffeinated, “How was your week, because mine was awful. ”
Lan Zhan takes a sip of his water before responding, “My week was uneventful. You are busy at work?”
“No kidding, let me tell you –” Wei Ying launches in on a story about his coworkers and how they are absolutely incapable of meeting even the most reasonable of deadlines, leaving him to pick up all the slack. By the time he finishes the story their food has arrived and Wei Ying tears into his omelet with gusto.
Lan Zhan is quiet, Wei Ying thinks, quieter than usual. He's trying not to catastrophize about it – the restaurant is loud and bustling and Wei Ying knows that crowds and new places make Lan Zhan nervous. Still, he can't help but feel a little antsy as the server clears away their dishes and Lan Zhan immediately passes them a card for the meal, despite Wei Ying's protests.
It's sort of an unsatisfying outing, Wei Ying thinks as he clings to Lan Zhan's arm, dragging him out of the restaurant and down the street to walk Wei Ying to the bus stop. He backs off slightly as they walk down the street, holding Lan Zhan's hand and swinging their arms back and forth.
Once he's judged that they are far enough away from the busyness of the restaurant Wei Ying makes his move.
"I'll be a lot less busy next week. You know, if you wanted to come over?" Lan Zhan gives him a look and Wei Ying laughs and a small measure of the weirdness that has been weighing him down all morning lifts.
"Don't give me that look! I don't mean to do anything, didn't you want to try another scene?"
A flicker passes over Lan Zhan's face for a brief second before he agrees. "Mn."
“You could come over… Thursday? Nah, let’s just do Friday night. How am I going to stand it without seeing you for so long, Lan Zhan?”
A tiny smile crooks the corner of Lan Zhan’s mouth, “I also miss Wei Ying.” he says, too sincere.
Wei Ying blushes, just a little, turning his face away. It was one thing for Lan Zhan to say those kinds of things when he had his crush fully under control. Now…
“So Friday after work?” he confirms, changing the subject, “Do you have ideas ?”
Lan Zhan just nods, “I will text you. We will need to discuss.” Wei Ying looks around, surprised to realize they’re already at the bus stop.
“ Discuss ,” he repeats, wiggling his eyebrows for effect. Lan Zhan is unflappable as always and says nothing but is giving Wei Ying a look again. It’s something in the intensity of Lan Zhan’s eyes that makes Wei Ying back off on his flirting, just a little. “I’m just joking! No funny business this time, I promise.” He doesn’t want to promise that but maybe they should back off for a bit. Wei Ying, admittedly, has kind of forgotten the flimsy pretense that initially made this… whatever it is, possible.
L an Zhan agrees solemnly, repeating Wei Ying’s line about funny business. it sounds so ridiculous coming out of his mouth that Wei Ying can't help but snort. Lan Zhan has a look in his eyes that Wei Ying can’t quite read. Is he relieved?
Before Wei Ying can think about it too much, Lan Zhan is indicating the approaching bus with a nod. “I will text,” he repeats.
Wei Ying scrambles to make sure he has his keys and wallet and nods hurriedly to Lan Zhan as the bus pulls up to the stop. “Friday!” he half yells over the bus’ engine.
Lan Zhan waves but doesn’t turn away as Wei Ying boards the bus. He waits at the bus stop until it turns down the street out of sight.
-
Come midday on Friday Wei Ying has chewed a raw spot into his bottom lip.
He’s not sure what he’s so nervous about, it’s not like the scene they have planned is particularly intense. There’s not even any touching, not really, not in the way he’s used to. Lan Zhan had texted him a fairly detailed outline on Sunday morning and had been pressing Wei Ying for opinions and details all week.
In contrast to their earlier encounters, Lan Zhan seems to want to negotiate this out down to the last second. Wei Ying should probably feel glad about this? All the reading Lan Zhan had sent him emphasized the importance of communication and negotiation. Wei Ying kind of likes not knowing exactly what is going to happen, what Lan Zhan is going to do to him, the adrenaline of the unknown. He wants Lan Zhan to be comfortable, though, and to enjoy this, so he cooperates.
He is nervous though, chewing a hole in his bottom lip all day and nervously checking his phone. There’s still a few hours left to go but he can’t concentrate and has totally given up on work altogether. He trudges out to survey the living room, eyeing the couch warily. He still has a tenuous relationship with it, but can’t really think of any other place in the apartment they could do the scene. He briefly considered the bedroom earlier this week and had to shudder. Nope. No way.
It takes about an hour for Wei Ying to get the kitchen and living room and any other part of the apartment Lan Zhan might accidentally walk through into a generally tidy state. How does so much junk seem to accumulate over just a week? He blames the couch.
Once that’s done Wei Ying paces laps around the couch for a few minutes, burning off nervous energy. Maybe he should go for a walk. He decides to take a shower instead and takes a long, hot shower; spending ages combing conditioner through his hair like it’s going to matter later. By the time he’s gotten out of the shower, dried himself off and blow-dried his hair, it’s much closer to the time Lan Zhan said he’d be there. It’s not quite right after work, he knows Lan Zhan had needed to go home and change and grab his mysterious duffle bag first.
Wei Ying wills the next hour away by messing around on his phone and before he knows it there’s a knock on the door. “Coming!” he yells, bounding over to the entryway.
It is, of course, Lan Zhan, holding a six pack of what looks like beer, maybe? And his duffel bag. “This is for you,” he indicates, unnecessarily.
“Lan Zhan! Are you plying me with alcohol again?”
“Mn,” Lan Zhan says, and Wei Ying correctly interprets it to mean no this time, as he continues. “It is non-alcoholic.”
“ Lan Zhan, why would I ever want something that’s non-alcoholic?”
Lan Zhan gives him a slightly stern look and Wei Ying shivers. “I do not want Wei Ying to be intoxicated.”
“Lan Zhaaan,” he whines, “As if I could get intoxicated after one drink!”
Lan Zhan’s eyes narrow a bit and his gaze increases in intensity and Wei Ying can feel himself getting red. “Fine, fine,” he grumbles, “no alcohol.”
He drops the drink on the counter, eyeing it suspiciously before popping one of the cans out and placing it in the refrigerator. His nerves would rather just get on with things, he thinks. He sort of herds Lan Zhan over to the couch area and gestures for him to put his bag down.
Lan Zhan sits down and begins unpacking things from his bag, obviously getting the memo that Wei Ying is keen to get on with things. First he brings out a long weighted metal ruler. Wei Ying blushes again even though he already knows what they’re going to do. Lan Zhan indicates for him to come over in front of the couch. “Take off your shirt,” he says, in the low tone of voice that Wei Ying has come to realize is, actually, his dom voice. “Then kneel.”
They’d discussed this too; gone back and forth on whether Wei Ying would keep his shirt on or off. Wei Ying strips out of his tee and goes to throw it on the couch when he is stilled with a steely look from Lan Zhan. “Properly,” is all he says but Wei Ying gets the message, folding his shirt semi-neatly and placing it on the couch before kneeling in front of Lan Zhan.
“Arms out,” Lan Zhan commands. “Back straight.”
Wei Ying obediently stretches his arms out in front of him, perpendicular to his torso. Wei Ying is being good, for now. He hasn’t decided quite how good he’s going to be for the rest of this though, a quiet urge simmering under his skin. He wants to catch Lan Zhan off guard, wants to upset the careful planning he’d done. It’s an urge he hasn’t quite felt like this in years, the feeling of wanting to see Lan Zhan snap, wanting to ruin his perfect composure.
Lan Zhan rests the metal ruler on Wei Ying’s outstretched hands. It fits perfectly between the span of his shoulders. “Stay,” he says, “I will be watching.”
Wei Ying rolls his shoulders, just a little, testing to see if Lan Zhan will say anything. He wants Lan Zhan to put his hand on his shoulder to still him but Lan Zhan just gives him a look .
Wei Ying carefully maintains eye contact and drops his left hand entirely, the ruler clattering to the floor.
“Whoops,” he says clearly, not breaking eye contact with Lan Zhan who is staring at him with an unreadable look in his eyes. It’s not anger – not the simmering heat of the other night nor the look that Lan Zhan used to get in high school right before Wei Ying pushed him to his breaking point. It’s… searching?
Lan Zhan’s voice, when it comes, is low and even. “You will be punished.”
Wei Ying grins, cheekily. He’d known that, of course, that had been part of their discussion. “Then punish me, gege.” He grins and winks at Lan Zhan. His face doesn't betray that this is having any effect on him at all, his expression cold and shuttered. Wei Ying wants to push, wants to see him bend and break. Lan Zhan finally looks away, breaking eye contact, picking up the metal ruler and placing it on Wei Ying’s once again obediently stretched out arms again.
This time, Wei Ying holds the position. His eyes never leave Lan Zhan, who stares at Wei Ying's hands appraisingly. Seemingly satisfied that Wei Ying is not going to drop it on purpose again, he sits down on the couch and pulls out a book.
Wei Ying counts seconds in his head, giving Lan Zhan a few minutes to get settled in before – thunk – the metal ruler clatters to the floor again as Wei Ying drops his right shoulder entirely. He’s not sure why he’s being like this. not sure if it’s the constraints of the perfectly negotiated scene or the weird awkwardness that’s been in the air since he and Lan Zhan had sex, but he knows he wants something to change , wants Lan Zhan to look at him with something other than a cold, dull expression.
Lan Zhan doesn’t even blink, however, leaning down to pick up the ruler and getting ready to place it on Wei Ying’s arms again. He tucks his arms down by his side and shakes his head petulantly. “What if I don’t want to?” He smirks. “What if I want to be punished?”
Lan Zhan is still giving him a look, hand even and steady where it holds the ruler above Wei Ying’s shoulder. “Wei Ying will be punished, if that’s what he wants.”
Wei Ying pulls an exaggerated thinking face, tapping his finger against his lip. He assumes that Lan Zhan will start the second part of the scene whenever he decides Wei Ying has been a brat for long enough and Wei Ying’s not sure he wants that quite yet. “One more try?” he says sweetly, holding his arms out in perfect posture.
Wei Ying sees a ripple of something flicker through Lan Zhan’s eyes before he shutters his expression again, going cold and distant. Usually the whole sexy and disinterested thing really works for Wei Ying but not today. Today he wants Lan Zhan to be so full of emotion that he can’t pull the shutters down behind his eyes.
He smiles sweetly up at Lan Zhan as he replaces the metal ruler on Wei Ying’s arms. “Be still,” he warns.
Wei Ying winks up at him again, his smile saccharine and perfect. “Sure thing, gege.”
Lan Zhan turns his head back to his book and Wei Ying pouts at the loss of attention, straightening his back. He’s going to really try this time, he decides. At least until he gets bored.
Time clicks by slowly, Wei Ying’s muscles ache with the strain of holding the position. He is able to adjust minutely every few minutes, shuffling his knees and fractionally relaxing his spine. He’s pretty sure Lan Zhan doesn’t notice, he manages to keep the ruler steady and even each time and Lan Zhan doesn’t even glance up from his book. Overall he’s feeling somewhat smug about this, they had agreed that he would be punished for each time he failed to hold the position. He can really do it when he puts his mind to it, he settles in, watching the slow rise and fall of the ruler in time with his breaths.
He doesn’t know how long it’s been before he falters – only knows that shuffling his knees doesn’t seem to help anymore and the ache in his shoulders is getting too much to bear. Wei Ying had known going in that this was a task designed to be somewhat impossible – he can hold the position for several minutes at a time but he was always going to break, even if it’s not on purpose. Lan Zhan had been concerned about that, in their negotiation, making sure Wei Ying was okay with being given a task that he was always meant to fail. At the time Wei Ying hadn’t been sure, really, but he’s enjoying himself now, knows that if he can’t succeed at least he can fail intentionally.
When the strain in his shoulders becomes unbearable he lets out a little, “Ah –” sound and drops his arms entirely, the stinging sensation of his shoulders relaxing prickling down his upper arms as the ruler thuds to the ground in front of him. Lan Zhan doesn’t look up immediately, he methodically replaces the bookmark in his book and sets it to the side before looking Wei Ying up and down.
“You failed,” he says bluntly, “again.”
“Gege please ,” Wei Ying whines, “it’s impossible! I was really trying!”
Lan Zhan isn’t moved by his pleas. He looks almost bored, except for where his eyes are dark and intense, burning deep into Wei Ying’s skull.
“Impossible?” he asks, raising a single eyebrow quizzically. Wei Ying is getting to him, he can tell by the clipped tone of Lan Zhan's voice, and he buzzes with satisfaction.
“Impossible!” He agrees readily. “I guess you’ll just have to punish me." he blinks slowly up at Lan Zhan, going for a combination of alluring and irritating.
Lan Zhan looks over at his book, seeming to make sure that it is steady on the sofa cushion beside him and fiddles with the bookmark for a long moment. Lan Zhan is not in the habit of fidgeting. Wei Ying knows the distraction, the disconnect, knows that he's composing himself, and the knowledge that Wei Ying has finally gotten to him is electrifying.
When Lan Zhan finally looks back at him his eyes are cold and distant and his voice is very even. "Stand. Take off your pants."
Wei Ying scrambles to his feet in an instant, hissing slightly as his knees unbend. He strips off his sweats quickly, hopping on first one foot and then the other before pulling them off entirely and throwing them on the couch.
Lan Zhan looks at them disdainfully. "Properly." Wei Ying very nearly rolls his eyes at that. Lan Zhan knows he's impatient for what comes next. He picks up the sweats and folds them perfunctorily, not excessively carefully and places them neatly on the couch before grinning up at Lan Zhan.
Lan Zhan looks him over and Wei Ying shivers a little, just in his boxers. It’s not that he’s cold, necessarily. more that he’s anticipating what comes next. Lan Zhan stands up and moves to the side of the couch, gesturing for Wei Ying to stand in front of him. Wei Ying doesn’t move. He’s going to make him say it.
Lan Zhan stares at him for a long moment before finally relenting. “Come here,” he says. Wei Ying complies, sauntering over and standing between Lan Zhan and the couch, grinning brightly at him.
He’s debating how much he wants Lan Zhan to touch him, to manhandle him into the position he’s supposed to be in, wondering if it would be worth it to refuse to move. “Turn around,” Lan Zhan instructs and the bees war noisily in Wei Ying’s head. He really wants to be touched; Lan Zhan seems so far away, even though Wei Ying can feel the heat of his gaze on Wei Ying’s skin. He hesitates, just for a moment and Lan Zhan opens his mouth to repeat the order.
Wei Ying can’t help it, he rolls his eyes just a tiny, tiny bit. The last thing he sees before he turns around are Lan Zhan’s eyes flashing, a flicker of something showing minutely in his face. “‘I’m going, I’m going,” he grouses. He even bends over, just like they’d discussed, leaning his body over the arm of the couch and pushing his ass out enticingly.
Wei Ying had initially thought that Lan Zhan would want him naked for this but Lan Zhan had insisted he keep his boxers on. He’d wanted Wei Ying to be comfortable , he’d said. Wei Ying didn’t quite agree that it would be comfortable either way but had kept his opinions to himself, agreeing readily with whatever Lan Zhan had suggested.
His body buzzes with anticipation, shivers with a combination of fear and adrenaline. They’d talked about this too, Lan Zhan explaining that he would not hit Wei Ying with the ruler because it was his first time. Wei Ying had warred internally between insisting he could take it and desperately wanting the connection of Lan Zhan’s hand being the one to punish him. In the end he’d given an unspirited defense of the ruler, just to show he wasn’t afraid, but agreed that since Lan Zhan was experienced here they would defer to him on this question.
Lan Zhan’s voice sounds behind him and Wei Ying has to resist the urge to crane his head back over his shoulder to look at him. He resists for half a second before giving in anyway, he can only see Lan Zhan’s face just barely from this angle but it’s better than nothing. Oh right, Lan Zhan was talking, “...ten should be enough,” he finishes. Wei Ying blinks at him.
Lan Zhan glares at him, “Were you paying attention?” Wei Ying tries to shrug, the gesture at this angle being not terrifically readable but Lan Zhan seems to get the gist. “I do not like repeating myself.”
Wei Ying tries to shrug again and gives up halfway through. “I’ll pay attention this time,” he says, “I promise, gege.”
Lan Zhan gives him a hard stare before continuing. “See that you do,” he says, voice even and low, “You will be punished for each time you have disobeyed me,” he continues. “Twelve,” he says crisply, “since you were not paying attention.”
Wei Ying whines in his throat. “I only dropped the ruler three times!”
Lan Zhan looks at him coldly. “Wei Ying was moving practically the whole time. You were not still.”
He’s got him there. They hadn’t exactly discussed how much movement would constitute an infraction but Wei Ying feels a little like twelve swats is probably going easy on him. He makes his face as sweet and plaintive as possible.
Lan Zhan ignores him. “You do not need to count.” Thank god for that, Wei Ying thinks. they had discussed that too and Wei Ying had been adamant that he couldn’t be expected to keep track and Lan Zhan had relented easily. “Turn your face towards the cushion.”
Wei Ying gives him a last sweet pleading look before turning around and resting his forehead on his forearms. His skin sings with anticipation.
When Lan Zhan’s palm connects with his backside, Wei Ying jolts with surprise and barely hears Lan Zhan count out the first strike.
He’s actually.
Not sure he likes this.
Wei Ying had been full of bravado when Lan Zhan had suggested the scene. He could handle a little spanking, right? It was nothing he hadn’t experienced before.
Lan Zhan hits him again, this time with his other hand. Wei Ying’s body jolts up the couch with the force of the impact. His ears are ringing and his head feels full of static electricity.
It’s humiliating , is the thing. More so than he’d anticipated. It brings back sticky and unpleasant memories of faceless foster parents, their disapproval at everything Wei Ying was or did.
Lan Zhan hits him again and Wei Ying lets out a low whine. It’s not – his head feels light and dizzy and when Lan Zhan hits him a fourth time he can’t help it, he thinks of Yu-Furen, thinks of her disapproving glares, her face as she slaps him broadly across the cheek, thinks of Jiang Cheng standing by his side with his small fists clenched.
“Yellow,” he gets out through clenched teeth. Lan Zhan stops immediately, the movement behind him freezing in an instant.
“Wei Ying?” he asks and Wei Ying can feel him getting a little closer, reaching out a tentative hand.
Wei Ying slumps onto the couch cushion, his body going boneless and his backside already smarting. Lan Zhan walks slowly to the front of the couch and kneels down so his face is even with Wei Ying’s.
Wei Ying feels like crap. “Sorry Lan Zhan,” he breathes out. “I just – not good.”
Lan Zhan nods in his peripheral vision, eyes soft. “Would you like me to get your clothes?”
Wei Ying nods into his arms and Lan Zhan stands up, retrieving Wei Ying’s sweatpants and tee from where they are sitting on the other end of the sofa. He crouches back down again with Wei Ying’s clothes on his knees and reaches out tentatively. Wei Ying shuffles his head to the side to look at him properly.
“Wei Ying, “ he begins, then stops, dropping his hand. “I apologize. What can I do?”
Wei Ying wants to crawl into the couch and disappear but he levers himself up on his arms to stand up creakily, body swaying for a second. The buzzy light feeling in his head hasn’t gone away. He wants to touch Lan Zhan so badly. Lan Zhan rises fluidly with him, holding out his clothes.
Wei Ying silently pulls his pants and shirt back on. He feels a little better when he’s dressed, not so shaky. The buzzing feeling starts to flow out of his brain replaced by pure mortification and a sinking feeling like he’s being pulled into a bottomless pit. Oh god.
Wei Ying rubs a hand roughly over his face. “Lan Zhan. I – fuck – I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything. You don’t need to apologize.”
Lan Zhan is still looking at him, eyes so soft and worried that Wei Ying wants to climb out of his skin. Wei Ying wants him to tug him into his arms, wrap them so tightly around Wei Ying that he can barely breathe. He wants Lan Zhan to leave immediately, to stop looking at him with those concerned eyes. He can hardly decide which and stands dumbly in one place, hands limp at his sides.
“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan begins, “you should always say something.” Lan Zhan’s face is so soft and Wei Ying can’t bear it. “I want you to say something.”
Wei Ying starts to shake his head and then stops, hanging his head so he doesn’t have to look at Lan Zhan anymore. “I —” he pauses and laughs, the situation is suddenly ridiculous to him. He can’t even do this right, Lan Zhan was only trying to help him and it ended up like this. “I’m fine, Lan Zhan.” He raises his hands, fidgeting with his nails. “You can – you can go. I’m sorry.”
Lan Zhan looks like he’s going to reach out again and Wei Ying wishes he would, can’t bear to not have Lan Zhan’s hands on him but he can’t , can’t ask Lan Zhan for that, not like this. They’re not – they’re just friends, they’re not whatever Wei Ying needs from Lan Zhan now, not when he needs so much more. Wei Ying can’t ask that of Lan Zhan.
Lan Zhan doesn’t reach out and his eyes are still soft and worried. “If that is what you want.”
Wei Ying tries not to curl his arms around himself, tries not to make a sad imitation of the thing he wants so badly. “Yeah, I think you should go. I’m sorry, Lan Zhan,” he apologizes again.
Lan Zhan is quick to reply, “Wei Ying doesn’t need to apologize.” But Wei Ying does , does need to apologize for ramming this Wei Ying-shaped wedge into whatever it was they have, for making Lan Zhan look at him like he broke him or something.
“I’ll text you later. I’m really fine, Lan Zhan, you don’t need to worry about me.” Wei Ying attempts a shaky version of his usual bright smile and Lan Zhan’s eyes seem to close off.
“I will leave, if that is what Wei Ying wants,” Lan Zhan says, finally, moving to pack up the things he had brought. Wei Ying wonders what Lan Zhan had planned for aftercare, suddenly jealous of a Wei Ying in another world who didn’t fuck everything up and is currently being cuddled and fed bits of fruit or chocolate.
He nods sharply. “I'll text you,” he repeats. Lan Zhan just looks at him, eyes searching. He finally nods once, sharply, and turns to walk away. Wei Ying doesn’t turn around to watch him leave, doesn’t walk him to the door. When he hears the door softly swing shut he mechanically stumbles the few steps over to the couch and collapses, kneading the heels of his palms into his eyes.
Fuck.
-
Wei Ying texts before he goes to bed, short perfunctory words and another apology, even though he knows Lan Zhan is long asleep. He is technically keeping his word to text but it’s easier somehow, knowing Lan Zhan won’t see it until the day is fully behind him.
He spends the next few days in a funk, he cancels dinner with Jiang Yanli on Saturday and stays home eating instant noodles instead. He gets to wallow a little, he thinks.
He feels guilty, knows Lan Zhan hadn’t been disappointed in him or anything like that but he can’t shake the feeling that the softness behind Lan Zhan’s eyes had been pity. He can’t bear to have Lan Zhan pity him, he can bear anything but that. He wants, suddenly in a swell in his abdomen late on Saturday night, wants so badly for Lan Zhan to hold him, to tell him he did well, to tell him everything is okay. His heart clenches and he drops his chopsticks.
His crush, obviously, is not as under control as he thought.
The following days pass in a blur, Wei Ying sleepwalking through the day, mechanically getting the bare minimum of work done and forgetting to eat until the sun is already setting. Lan Zhan texts him every day, checking to see how Wei Ying is doing, sending rabbit gifs, and asking after Wei Ying’s sister. Wei Ying doesn’t have the heart to tell him he canceled – he replies to Lan Zhan’s inquiries with flippant texts, lots of emojis and the occasional gif. Nothing is wrong, he tells himself, he feels fine.
It’s not even the moment that bothers him anymore, having long ago written off spanking as just another thing that having a fucked up childhood has taken from him. He bitterly adds it to the list and sets it aside. No, the thing that causes his chest to clench uncomfortably is how Lan Zhan had looked at him afterward, soft, cautious, pitying and concerned. Wei Ying doesn’t deserve his concern, not in this way, not as friends. Not when he wants so much more, wants to read love into Lan Zhan’s gaze instead. He knows Lan Zhan cares about him, knows he’s only trying to help. Wei Ying can’t ask this of him anymore.
Lan Zhan doesn’t suggest coming over and neither does Wei Ying.
-
It’s Friday evening again, when Wei Ying receives a call from a number he doesn’t recognize. He picks it up grouchily, someone from work has obviously gotten a hold of his cell again, honestly, you give it to one person, one time as an emergency and suddenly it’s all over Slack. Wei Ying has just finished with work and if they want him to get back online his answer is gonna be no.
“Wei Ying,” he answers brusquely. Whoever it is can just –
“Wei Ying?” the voice answers. Oh. He knows that voice. “It’s Lan Huan.”
Why is Lan Zhan’s brother calling him? There is a gentle rustle of background noise coming through the speaker as Wei Ying scrambles for an answer. “Lan Huan! Hi! I didn’t realize I didn’t have your number.” This is not strictly true, he’s never asked for Lan Huan’s number and has no reason to have it. Honestly they have not spent much time together. Wei Ying knows that Lan Zhan and his brother are close but Lan Huan is so different from Lan Zhan, honestly seeing Lan Huan’s open smile on a face that looks just like Lan Zhan’s kind of freaks Wei Ying out a little.
“It’s about my brother,” Lan Huan starts. Oh, that’s easy then, Wei Ying can talk about Lan Zhan all day. He drops the phone to his desk and turns on the speaker.
“Lan Zhan? Everything’s okay, right?” Wei Ying cautiously asks. It’s unlike Lan Zhan to not just call directly.
There’s a pregnant pause in which Wei Ying’s brain spins furiously on the idea that everything is not okay and words are halfway out of his mouth when Lan Huan finally responds.
“He is as well as can be expected.” And what does that mean? “That is actually why I called you.” Lan Huan’s voice is steady with a note of steel rasping through the phone speaker.
Wei Ying isn’t really sure what to say but he makes a fumbled noise of assent that must carry through the tinny speaker well enough for Lan Huan to understand him as he continues.
“I do not want to interfere in my brother’s private business, however –” he pauses, Wei Ying tips on the edge of a confused precipice, “I think it would be better if you two spent some time apart.”
Wei Ying feels like he’s slammed into a brick wall. Is this about last week? Did Lan Zhan say something to his brother? Does Lan Zhan not want to be around him anymore? His head is spinning, it feels like, remembering the way that Lan Zhan’s eyes had screamed pity . He doesn’t want to be around someone broken , someone who can’t even –
“He has not said anything to me,” Lan Huan continues and Wei Ying lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “But I have noticed a change in him, recently.”
“Since last week?” Wei Ying asks, tentatively.
“Mn,” says Lan Huan, sounding so much like Lan Zhan for a brief second that it makes Wei Ying’s head spin. “Whatever you are doing…” he trails off, the implication heavy in the air, “it is not fair to him.”
Wei Ying allows himself one second to scrape his hands roughly over his face. He’s right, is the thing, Wei Ying wants more from Lan Zhan than he can ever possibly give and it’s not fair to expect that of him. He’s just about to agree, heart heavy and starbursts flashing behind his eyes as he kneads his palms into them, when Lan Huan continues, obviously trying to fill the silence.
“Please do not lead him on like this,” he says, a pleading note in his voice. Wei Ying freezes.
“Lead him on?” He manages to get out through the frozen block in his brain.
“It’s not fair to him,” Lan Huan repeats, “you know how he feels about you.”
Wei Ying most certainly does not know how Lan Zhan feels about him but even his frozen-stiff brain thinks that saying that outright is probably a bad conversational move. “We’re friends,” he squeaks out after a long pause.
There’s another pause in the conversation that Wei Ying feels gives off a very judgemental vibe and how is that fair? Wei Ying is coming into this blind, this is nothing like the times that Wen Qing has told him that Lan Zhan cares about him, she’s his friend, she’s obligated to say things like that.
Lan Huan… is not. Wei Ying has barely spoken a few words to him outside of this extremely perilous conversation. A voice in his head that sounds suspiciously like Wen Qing’s is telling him to listen.
“Wei Ying,” Lan Huan finally says, voice gentle now, almost soft. “You must know.”
Wei Ying doesn’t know anything suddenly, has never had a known thought in his head. “Lan Zhan, he –” he squeaks again and then clears his throat roughly, “what exactly do you mean?”
When Lan Huan speaks again it is gentle but even and firm. “He would do anything for you.”
Wei Ying has got to get off the phone. Immediately. If not sooner. “Lan Huan, I –” he stumbles over his words. “Thank you,” he says sincerely, “I really, really have to go now.”
He barely even lets Lan Huan get out a word before he hangs up the phone, staring blankly at his hands in front of him on the desk.
Anything?
-
He’s out the door before he even has time to think, barely skidding to a stop in his entryway to put shoes on. He has to run to catch the bus and he’s out of breath and sweating even in the cool air as he impatiently scans his transit card and sits down. The bus has never gone so slowly in Wei Ying’s life, it creeps by in the after-work traffic and Wei Ying fidgets impatiently.
He can’t stand it. At the next stop he tears off the bus and down the street, his feet leading him blindly to Lan Zhan’s apartment without any input from his brain. He takes the stairs up to Lan Zhan’s floor two at a time, racing past the other apartments in the hall before pausing, breathless, finally in front of Lan Zhan’s door.
Before he can think, before he can stop himself, call this off, get back on the bus and go back to his own apartment, he’s banging on the door with his fist, shouting. “Lan Zhan!!” Bang bang . “It’s me! Open up!!”
There’s no response, Wei Ying is still pounding furiously on the door, heart in his throat. What if Lan Zhan doesn’t answer? What if Lan Huan was wrong and Lan Zhan doesn’t – doesn’t care , doesn’t want to see him?
The seconds seem to stretch into infinity, Wei Ying isn’t even shouting anymore, weakly hammering his fist on the door. He can’t do this, he feels like he’s going to burst if he doesn’t see Lan Zhan soon.
“Wei Ying?”
Wei Ying spins around so fast it makes him dizzy. Lan Zhan is standing in the hallway, still in his suit from work, a couple bags in his hands.
A few traitorous tears squeeze out of Wei Ying’s eyes at the sight of him and he furiously scrubs at his face with his sleeve.
“Wei Ying, are you all right?” Lan Zhan sounds worried and Wei Ying can’t help himself, can’t do anything but surge forward the few steps between them and wrap his arms around Lan Zhan’s shoulders, mashing their lips together.
Lan Zhan makes a surprised sound into the kiss and there’s a sharp thud as the bags drop out of his hands and onto the pavement. He’s kissing back, Wei Ying realizes, a hand curling around Wei Ying’s waist and another twining its way into his hair.
They spend both eternity locked together and no time at all before Wei Ying wrenches his face away, panting into the space between their mouths.
“Lan Zhan,” he says. He can taste salt on his lips.
“Wei Ying?” Lan Zhan responds and oh, how had Wei Ying missed this, how could he have missed this when Lan Zhan says his name just like that every time?
“You would do anything for me,” he says, wondering.
Lan Zhan pulls back and Wei Ying releases him reluctantly so they can actually look each other in the eye.
“Wei Ying, what is this –”
Wei Ying cuts him off. “Lan Zhan, I would – I can’t be without you. I need you and –” Lan Zhan tries to speak but Wei Ying holds up a hand. “Tell me, if I’ve got this wrong, but Lan Zhan I like you so much. I love you. I –”
Lan Zhan reaches up and curls his fingers around the hand Wei Ying is holding up. “Wei Ying, yes ,”
Wei Ying only lets him get that one word out before he kisses him again, uncaring of the tears rolling down his face. Lan Zhan kisses him like it’s the first time and the last time they’ll ever do this and they hold each other tight enough to bruise.
“Wei Ying.” Lan Zhan is murmuring into the kiss. “Like you. Love you.” Wei Ying’s breath hitches and Lan Zhan holds him close and lets Wei Ying come apart into his shoulder.
When Wei Ying has stopped shaking, the adrenaline coursing through his body like wildfire while Lan Zhan gently pets his hair, he realizes they are still standing in the corridor in front of Lan Zhan’s apartment. He blinks up at Lan Zhan for a second. He doesn’t want to let go but he does want Lan Zhan to open the door to his apartment so he begrudgingly backs up, picking up the bags where they had fallen. He really hopes he hasn’t broken any of Lan Zhan’s groceries.
It’s as if he can read his mind. “Do not worry about the bags,” Lan Zhan says, walking forward to unlock the door. Wei Ying trails at his heels, close enough he can still feel Lan Zhan’s body heat.
Lan Zhan gets them just in the door and Wei Ying pulls it shut behind him when Lan Zhan is on him again in a flash, pressing him up tight against the door. The groceries fall from Wei Ying’s hands with another thud and Wei Ying winces but Lan Zhan shakes his head, fingertips tracing the line of Wei Ying’s jaw. “They will be fine,” he says, ghosting a touch over Wei Ying’s lips. “Wei Ying is more important,”
Wei Ying shivers and nips at Lan Zhan’s fingers before Lan Zhan is leaning in and kissing him again, kissing every rational thought from Wei Ying’s head except for a constant refrain of Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan .
-
It is a long time before they come back for the groceries in the entryway. Well, it is a long time before Lan Zhan comes back for the groceries, slipping out of Wei Ying’s sweaty embrace with a gentle kiss to his forehead. Wei Ying makes a noise in the back of his throat but relents, flopping back down onto Lan Zhan’s frankly ridiculously sized bed with a huff. “I will be back,” Lan Zhan promises him with another kiss.
True to his word Lan Zhan is only gone for a few scant minutes, during which Wei Ying makes himself a nest in Lan Zhan’s frankly somewhat ruined bedsheets. He is warm and comfortable and hardly sticky at all when Lan Zhan comes back, sliding into bed beside him.
“We are such idiots , Lan Zhan,” he murmurs into Lan Zhan’s chest.
Lan Zhan kisses the top of his head. “Wei Ying is not an idiot,”
Wei Ying makes a skeptical noise and Lan Zhan lets out a gentle puff of laughter.
“I am an idiot , Lan Zhan, all this time! All this time and it took me talking to your brother to get out of my own head!”
Lan Zhan freezes for a second. They haven’t talked about this. They haven’t done much talking at all, frankly, all mouths and hands and limbs tangled together.
“What did he say to you?” Lan Zhan sounds unaccountably nervous and Wei Ying tilts his head up so they can lock eyes.
“Oh, Lan Zhan, sweetheart, no, it wasn’t anything – he was worried about you. I really did a number on you last week, huh?”
The tips of Lan Zhan’s ears flush but his mouth is curved in a frown. “I hurt Wei Ying.”
Wei Ying stretches out to drop a chaste kiss on Lan Zhan’s lips before dropping his head back onto Lan Zhan’s chest. He can’t look him in the eye for this. “You could never. I –” he pauses. This is the hard part, without the fire of adrenaline coursing through his body to sustain him. “I wanted you to stay. After. I just didn’t… I couldn’t face you pitying me.”
Lan Zhan responds immediately, Wei Ying can feel it when he speaks, can feel the rumble of Lan Zhan’s voice against where Wei Ying’s head rests. “I do not pity you,” he says. “Did not. I was worried about you. I… I hurt you,” he repeats, voice muted.
Wei Ying nuzzles against Lan Zhan’s chest before he replies. “Lan Zhan, I asked you to hurt me.”
Lan Zhan makes a frustrated sounding noise and Wei Ying looks back up at him, Lan Zhan is looking at the wall above Wei Ying’s head and his face is drawn. “I should not have done it. We should have discussed it more first.”
Wei Ying lifts a hand up to rest gently on the side of Lan Zhan’s face. “Lan Zhan, I was being a brat . I wanted it, I wanted you! You didn’t do anything wrong.”
Lan Zhan relaxes a little, pushing his face into Wei Ying’s hand. “We will not do that again,” he says with an air of finality. Wei Ying snorts.
There’s more for them to talk about, Wei Ying knows that they will have to sit down and actually discuss this like adults at some point. Lan Zhan clearly blames himself for Wei Ying’s response and that’s – Wei Ying doesn’t want that, doesn’t want Lan Zhan to think he’s ever done something to Wei Ying that Wei Ying didn’t want with every fiber of his being.
That is for later, though. This is for now.
They lay there silently for a few minutes, Wei Ying idly twisting a lock of Lan Zhan’s hair on his finger.
“I’m gonna buy your brother a cake,” he says finally. Lan Zhan’s mouth twitches up in a smile. “A big cake. A fucking sheet cake . Lan Zhan, I’m going to throw a party and get a sheet cake .”
Lan Zhan turns his head into Wei Ying’s hand and Wei Ying can feel the smile against his palm. “If that is what Wei Ying wants.”
“That is what I want,” Wei Ying is warming up to this idea, really getting started. “It’ll be like the Congrats on the Sex cake except it will say Congrats on not being idiots , or something. It’s a work in progress.”
“I think,” Lan Zhan starts, “That whether or not the cake references sex is directly dependant on whether you are planning to invite our brothers.”
“Hmm, you’re right,” Wei Ying hedges, “We could just get a cake that just says Thanks Lan Huan, that would really piss Jiang Cheng off.”
Lan Zhan lets out a quiet snort of laughter and Wei Ying giggles against his chest, body feeling loose and relaxed.
They’ve got time. They’ve got time to buy a cake and plan a party and whatever else they want to do.
They’ve got time to do all of it and do it together .
Yes, Wei Ying thinks, they’re going to be just fine.