Chapter Text
starmanblack to evan is better than all of you 😩
oct 30, 21:09
sirius 🌈
is it just me or is there something weird in the air
regulus 🐍
i reckon it's your farts
sirius 🌈
eat shit
marlene 🪐
i think the air is preparing itself for tomorrow
barty 👺
HALLOWEEN LESGOOOOO
dorcas 💫
that's barty's favourite holiday if you haven't guessed already
barty 👺
i get to scare the kids 😎
mary ✨
OH NO what are you dressing up as this time
lily 💚
just got flashbacks to 2017 when he made half the school cry in terror after coming in as pennywise
barty 👺
actually evan and i are planning to stay home and watch horror movies
james ☀️
that is definitely cuter than scaring children
evan 🌹
it was my idea
barty 👺
i'm letting you take full credit but just cause you bought a bunch of sweets
remus 🌈
take notes sirius and get me chocolate, thank you
remus 🌈
he just dropped a pot
marlene 🪐
don't tell me you put sirius on kitchen duty 💀
remus 🌈
he was doing the dishes
sirius 🌈
and now i'm gonna jump on you
peter 💩🧻
pandora and i just saw grant enter a gay bar 👀
evan 🌹
i haven't been to one of those in a very long time
james ☀️
i've actually never been to one
remus 🌈
not even in secret?
james ☀️
nope
lily 💚
what a pure little soul
regulus 🐍
"pure" 💀
mary ✨
reg knows his stuff huh 😏
regulus 🐍
exactly i have insider knowledge
james ☀️
😙
marlene 🪐
kinky am i right
dorcas 💫
slightly
barty 👺
i should drag evan there sometimes
marlene 🪐
and then show off your perfect relationship to everybody and laugh at us single people damn no need to tell us jesus
dorcas 💫
tired sigh
sirius 🌈
what the fuck is grant doing at a gay bar
mary ✨
sirius babe
lily 💚
disappointed but not surprised
james ☀️
this may be one of the stupidest questions you've ever asked and that's coming from me
remus 🌈
christ that just made it sound ten times more stupid than it already was 💀
grant 😼
i'm gay????
grant 😼
plus it's halloween week
grant 😼
makes it more fun
barty 👺
sirius that's like getting surprised over finding a spoon in the kitchen 🙁
regulus 🐍
not you talking lmfaooo
barty 👺
why is it that i get shit on even when i say something sensible
marlene 🪐
pretty sure it's cause you're lactose intolerant
dorcas 💫
incredibly depressing innit
regulus 🐍
people who's biggest weakness is fucking yoghurt are in no place to talk
evan 🌹
bold of you to assume he doesn't eat it
james ☀️
cue explosive diarrhea
mary ✨
PLEASE I'M EATING
evan 🌹
those are the moments in which i regret not getting a flat with two bathrooms
dorcas 💫
i think i just threw up in my mouth a little
peter 💩🧻
you know that tingly little feeling you get that like goes from your head to your toes - pandora
peter 💩🧻
think i just felt it - still pandora
regulus 🐍
that's what i feel whenever james says "we need to talk"
james ☀️
i only say it when i try to let you know that we should get another cat
regulus 🐍
so two fucking weeks of that
regulus 🐍
you're trying to turn me emo again
grant 😼
i thought you had 3 already 🤨
james ☀️
you can never have too many cats
regulus 🐍
regulus 🐍
my boyfriend is cuter than all of you combined
regulus 🐍
RHWHDOQNDJQNS
grant 😼
he's really fanboying over his own boyfriend
regulus 🐍
well i AM his biggest fan
barty 👺
okay then go kiss him why are you bitching here 🙄
lily 💚
AWWWW NINA AND MATTHIAS DABAJDJQPS
mary ✨
and then there's james 😭💔
grant 😼
i like the ginger one
dorcas 💫
i just love how we all love their cats
grant 😼
whoever has a pet expect me at your door at random times of the day
grant 😼
and no i do not care if you're busy because i came to see your cats and not you
grant 😼
lily is an exception however
grant 😼
and maybe but just maybe sirius
sirius 🌈
LMAOOOOO take that babe
remus 🌈
what the fuck grant
sirius 🌈
shut up moony you deserve it
evan 🌹
honestly reg i think your cats are cuter than james
remus 🌈
agreed and i'm not much of a cat person
regulus 🐍
both of you are wrong
barty 👺
evan is never wrong
barty 👺
except when he yells at me to go to sleep when i'm awake at 4 in the morning but that's besides the point
marlene 🪐
sleep deprivation is sexy
dorcas 💫
is that why you're always sleep deprived
marlene 🪐
no
marlene 🪐
wait what
lily 💚
YES REGGIE PROTECT YOUR MAN
sirius 🌈
but dog persons are better though
remus 🌈
people*
sirius 🌈
persons
grant 😼
are we all just gonna ignore marlene and dorcas eye-fucking each other though their phones
james ☀️
no cat people are superior
regulus 🐍
not you two talking about being dog people when your favourite singer recorded a song called cat people for cat people
peter 💩🧻
that's a lot of peoples - peter
grant 😼
i'll take that as a yes
mary ✨
we don't talk about that
james ☀️
reggie when did you take that cause i don't see my back to the future poster anywhere :(
regulus 🐍
like a month ago
james ☀️
awww was it when you refused to leave my house after we started going out
regulus 🐍
SHUT UP
marlene 🪐
i think reg is blushing
lily 💚
i just know he's blushing
barty 👺
boner?
evan 🌹
barty.
mary ✨
it's absolutely hilarious to me how we're all staring at our phones and using them to talk to our partners even though we're with them currently
grant 😼
mary reading my mind right now
remus 🌈
that made me feel a bit stupid to be honest
regulus 🐍
no that's just sirius' influence
sirius 🌈
piss off you little shit
marlene 🪐
speak for yourselves i haven't got one yet
dorcas 💫
you will soon
marlene 🪐
foreshadowing something are we?
dorcas 💫
maybe, who knows
evan 🌹
you two are really taking your time
grant 😼
they've had enough time if you ask me
marlene 🪐
who said that
grant 😼
i did
dorcas 💫
he isn't wrong
marlene 🪐
i'm pretending that he is
regulus 🐍
i don't know if i ever told you this but living with james takes patience
james ☀️
:(
regulus 🐍
i still love you stop it
james ☀️
:)
lily 💚
i understand that, james can get a little difficult to handle
regulus 🐍
lily just agreed meaning you lost the argument
sirius 🌈
no you lot are just weak
mary ✨
TAKE THAT BACK RIGHT NOW
mary ✨
sorry caps
marlene 🪐
did lily tell you to calm down 🤨
mary ✨
lmaooooooooooooooooooooooo
mary ✨
yeah
sirius 🌈
i am taking back nothing
james ☀️
thanks mate
sirius 🌈
anything for you
sirius 🌈
actually no not anything
sirius 🌈
i wouldn't give you my food
sirius 🌈
i'd give it to moony though
remus 🌈
you're sitting inbetween my legs where i can see what you're doing and you had to type that out instead of telling me
sirius 🌈
i wanted everyone to know
remus 🌈
are you being for real?
dorcas 💫
this is ridiculous
marlene 🪐
i swallowed a whole peanut just now and i think my soul left my body for a second
barty 👺
one could say you choked on a nut 🥵🥵
dorcas 💫
i may like tits but that was a good one
lily 💚
how does one even???
evan 🌹
LET'S MOVE ON PLEASE
sirius 🌈
i was about to give a tutorial
james ☀️
NO
sirius 🌈
moony just smacked me with a pillow
dorcas 💫
deserved
marlene 🪐
BARTY BE QUIET
barty 👺
and evan threw a stuffed rabbit at me 😤
evan 🌹
you were asking for it
peter 💩🧻
honestly pete and i are the only ones using common sense in here
peter 💩🧻
really can't tell who the biggest idiot is among all of you - both
james ☀️
hey reg we should get 3 more cats so we have all 6 crows
regulus 🐍
no
james ☀️
please
regulus 🐍
NO
james ☀️
LOVEEEE
regulus 🐍
I SAID NO
regulus 🐍
YOU'RE SNEEZING ENOUGH ALREADY
james ☀️
BUT CATS :(
regulus 🐍
WHO WILL TAKE CARE OF THEM
james ☀️
me
regulus 🐍
okay
james ☀️
SO WE'RE GETTING MORE CATS
regulus 🐍
yesnomaybe
regulus 🐍
go back to your astronomy project
james ☀️
no
regulus 🐍
yes
james ☀️
no
regulus 🐍
i will come into our bedroom and that's when things are gonna stop being cute
james ☀️
😏
regulus 🐍
i hate you
sirius 🌈
i just realised something
dorcas 💫
that sentence makes me want to poke my eyes out whenever it comes from you
evan 🌹
here we go again
evan 🌹
sirius you did this to me yesterday
sirius 🌈
you james and marlene should be on your knees thanking me for sharing random information with you
sirius 🌈
what have i done to deserve this treatment
marlene 🪐
exist
peter 💩🧻
that was harsh - pandora
peter 💩🧻
bro got scorched - peter
barty 👺
i can hear him sizzling
remus 🌈
lmao
lily 💚
you guys are being mean
sirius 🌈
thank you lily
lily 💚
it is rather hilarious though
sirius 🌈
scratch that no i don't thank you
mary ✨
excuse me
sirius 🌈
halloween is tomorrow and no one has planned a party 🥲
dorcas 💫
oh shit he's actually right
pandora 🦋
SOMEONE BETTER ORGANISE ONE BECAUSE I MISSED EMMELINE'S
grant 😼
i second that statement
mary ✨
she really took her own phone out just to send that
lily 💚
pandora our beloved
james ☀️
REGGIE
regulus 🐍
what now
james ☀️
can you come into our room pls
lily 💚
why couldn't have you just called out his name
james ☀️
oh yeah oops
barty 👺
i guess we wait now
peter 💩🧻
so how was everyone's day - pandora
grant 😼
i decided to be productive and i cleaned my flat
marlene 🪐
i had to tattoo pitbull's face on this random bloke's back
marlene 🪐
IT TOOK ME THREE FUCKING HOURS I'M NOT EVEN JOKING
peter 💩🧻
MISTER WORLDWIDE 😎 - peter
dorcas 💫
i was looking for cheap flights to italy and i managed to find one for about 15 quid
dorcas 💫
and now i'm having an internal debate because last time i took a cheap flight someone brought a whole bloody chicken with them
dorcas 💫
and it laid an egg
peter 💩🧻
we say you do it
peter 💩🧻
chickens are people too
evan 🌹
i cried making a project about software engineering
barty 👺
and i was there to kiss away his tears
evan 🌹
you did well
lily 💚
couple goals
mary ✨
AGREED
mary ✨
lily and i had a romcom marathon
peter 💩🧻
romcom marathons>>>
peter 💩🧻
peter agrees
remus 🌈
saying that all sirius and i did was snog sounds very boring now
sirius 🌈
not true plus i took you on a ride with my bike
dorcas 💫
THE bike?
sirius 🌈
yes THE bike
grant 😼
the thing that started it at all
mary ✨
james and reg are gonna have a rather interesting story to tell when their kids ask them how they fell in love
marlene 🪐
i can already see sirius interrupting them yelling and trying to say he had a big part to play
sirius 🌈
but like i did
sirius 🌈
if i hadn't bought it they never would have got together
marlene 🪐
but then your worst nightmare came true
sirius 🌈
i still have mixed feelings
regulus 🐍
FUCK all of you now i'm gonna want a kid
regulus 🐍
and i hate those little demons
evan 🌹
nobody get emotional
peter 💩🧻
you were 2 seconds too late pandora is already crying - peter
grant 😼
there's so many people in this stupid club i had to do a crowd dive to get to the bartender
james ☀️
you're gonna be doing that tomorrow too because reg and i are holding a party
james ☀️
kind of a party but not really a party but party enough to call it a party
marlene 🪐
yes
james ☀️
all of you are invited
james ☀️
you don't have to dress up or anything the point is that we're all together
regulus 🐍
they have to
james ☀️
reg no
regulus 🐍
🙄
remus 🌈
is getting pissed and then eating a 5 kilo jar of nutella the point too?
james ☀️
weirdly specific but yes
marlene 🪐
can we all watch horror movies together
james ☀️
of course
barty 👺
you stole evan's idea
james ☀️
but no one bring extra people please because if someone throws up on our carpet again reggie is gonna murder me
regulus 🐍
thank you
peter 💩🧻
YAAAAY I LOVE YOU BOTH - pandora
marlene 🪐
last time it wasn't even me LMAO
dorcas 💫
yes but the 3 times before that...
mary ✨
it might have been that random kid who gets into parties without anyone noticing
evan 🌹
barty used to do that
barty 👺
you always tagged along though
regulus 🐍
and you both dodged getting arrested and sent to the hospital after consuming more alcohol than everyone else at the party combined every time
dorcas 💫
i even have the receipts
barty 👺
TRUEEE but never vomited on anyone's carpet though
evan 🌹
liar
sirius 🌈
HOW
lily 💚
I KNOW RIGHT
marlene 🪐
you two just have shit alcohol tolerance
remus 🌈
sirius' is actually okay if he doesn't mix 3 alcohols that shouldn't be mixed
remus 🌈
which he does all the time
sirius 🌈
i'll do better i promise
sirius 🌈
i got a kiss for saying that 😌
lily 💚
info no one asked for but i still eat it up
james ☀️
to think that they got together just this summer is bloody insane
dorcas 💫
right they're already acting like an old married couple
grant 😼
can't wait to see myself in the same room with remus and sirius after a year
regulus 🐍
you and remus should team up and harass my brother
sirius 🌈
no it should be the other way around
grant 😼
us two vs remus?
sirius 🌈
exactly
regulus 🐍
you don't make the decisions sirius i'm the host
remus 🌈
can i just not come? don't know if i can handle the awkwardness
grant 😼
lol
sirius 🌈
you're coming
barty 👺
that's what she said
peter 💩🧻
😳
regulus 🐍
actually only remus can come
regulus 🐍
sirius is pissing me off at the moment so he can just stay home
james ☀️
love no
sirius 🌈
je n'hésiterai pas à te faire du mal (i won't hesitate to hurt you)
lily 💚
oh hey isn't that the sexy language
mary ✨
french 💦🥵
regulus 🐍
j'aimerais te voir essayer (i'd like to see you try)
barty 👺
the french is making me incredibly sick
evan 🌹
oh the french
sirius 🌈
tête de noeud (dickhead)
james ☀️
that sounds mean
james ☀️
reggie is that mean
regulus 🐍
yes he's being mean to me
james ☀️
SIRIUS STOP IT
sirius 🌈
j'espère que tu pisse au lit comme quand nous étions enfants (i hope you piss the bed like when we were kids)
marlene 🪐
i understood one word
dorcas 💫
one kinda looks like piss
regulus 🐍
tais-toi (shut up)
regulus 🐍
je vais dire à tout le monde comment toi et remus êtes restés coincés dans cette toboggan :) (i'm gonna tell everyone how you and remus got stuck in that slide)
regulus 🐍
vous ne voudriez pas ça maintenant, n'est-ce pas? (you wouldn't want that now, would you?)
sirius 🌈
MERDE (fuck)
sirius 🌈
ILS ONT TOUS GOOGLE TRANSLATE
regulus 🐍
no fucking shit
james ☀️
you pissed the bed as a kid?
regulus 🐍
pretend you didn't see that
lily 💚
in reg's defence i did as well
marlene 🪐
am i gonna have to listen about everyones stories about pissing the bed now?
barty 👺
no because some of us were too cool to piss our beds
dorcas 💫
keyword is "were"
regulus 🐍
bartemius you just admitted that you aren't cool anymore
regulus 🐍
not like you were
evan 🌹
i think he's cool
barty 👺
i love you
peter 💩🧻
is that what love does to you 🥺 - pandora
peter 💩🧻
you start thinking someone's cool even if they aren't 🥺 - pandora again
barty 👺
i give up evan please come cuddle me :(
evan 🌹
okay
grant 😼
i think i might need a boyfriend
grant 😼
these two gays are making me feel extra single
mary ✨
HOLD ON REMUS AND SIRIUS GOT STUCK IN A SLIDE??
grant 😼
WHAT
grant 😼
OH WAIT THE FRENCH
peter 💩🧻
thanks for the translation mary we were too lazy - peter
regulus 🐍
yes (they tried to shag)
dorcas 💫
AIN'T NO WAY LMFAOOO
mary ✨
lily is dying laughing if anyone's wondering
james ☀️
I HAD TO RESCUE THEM
james ☀️
reg came along and we had to get olive oil to slide them out
sirius 🌈
JAMES
lily 💚
HELPP MEE I CABD BREATH
dorcas 💫
regulus in year 5 when he fell into that pool
regulus 🐍
do NOT remind me
regulus 🐍
never been so embarrassed in my life
evan 🌹
EMBARASSED?
evan 🌹
you could have drowned
regulus 🐍
that's the embarrassing part
regulus 🐍
i didn't and i have to live with it
marlene 🪐
my lungs hurt
barty 👺
that's the nicotine
marlene 🪐
zip it bartemius
marlene 🪐
sirius how do you even propose something of that sort and yes i'm just gonna assume it was your idea because remus is waaay too sane
marlene 🪐
okay maybe that was a reach
marlene 🪐
but "hey babe let's fuck in a slide real quick the bed looks kinda boring"
marlene 🪐
i'm gonna haunt you with that information for the rest of your miserable lives
barty 👺
what losers you are evan and i already knew
remus 🌈
REGULUS WHAT HAVE YOU DONE
regulus 🐍
your boyfriend started it don't look at me
remus 🌈
i can just strangle him to be fair
remus 🌈
and then you too right after him
remus 🌈
it's not like your flat is 5 steps away from ours
lily 💚
you would singlehandedly end an entire bloodline
dorcas 💫
they already ended it when they both turned out gay
sirius 🌈
oops
regulus 🐍
i look at it as revenge in a way
sirius 🌈
mum still doesn't know
grant 😼
this is truly amazing to look at when you aren't part taking in any of it
peter 💩🧻
observing is indeed a lot more fun - both
marlene 🪐
you three are gonna have a bloody blast tomorrow then
mary ✨
does anyone have any cute costume ideas? i know we don't have to dress up but i want to :)
regulus 🐍
you have to though
james ☀️
reggie what did we talk about
regulus 🐍
don't know don't care
peter 💩🧻
OH OH YOU AND LILY DRESS UP AS MARCELINE AND BUBBLEGUM JHGZXHS - pandora
lily 💚
OH MY GODJDHDHSHDH
mary ✨
I HAVE A PINK WIG LETS GOOOO
peter 💩🧻
pete and i are gonna be janis and damian by the way 💅
marlene 🪐
i never thought you two would become a duo
peter 💩🧻
we're best friends - pandora
evan 🌹
i think i might need costume help
evan 🌹
i ripped the quicksilver one
remus 🌈
dress up as the bloke from american horror story
lily 💚
that thing where the lady goes "judy judy ba booty"?
dorcas 💫
that was just season 2
lily 💚
JUST?
marlene 🪐
wdym that was the best scene
dorcas 💫
they've even got lady gaga in season 5
barty 👺
which bloke remus there's many
remus 🌈
the weird kid from season 1
dorcas 💫
not tate 💀
marlene 🪐
tate hate club anyone?
evan 🌹
yes please
evan 🌹
but that's not a bad idea
evan 🌹
i even have the sweater
barty 👺
i'm recycling my old costume
mary ✨
do you still have the fishnets 😭
barty 👺
not confirming anything it's gonna be a surprise 😏
james ☀️
reggie and i are dressing up as neil and todd
sirius 🌈
the gay poets?
lily 💚
YAAAY YOU'RE LEARNING
peter 💩🧻
sometimes sirius pleasantly surprises me but only sometimes - pandora
mary ✨
remus you have taught him well
remus 🌈
someone give me the nobel prize
regulus 🐍
i deserve one too
evan 🌹
you deserve whatever is the opposite
sirius 🌈
did you know halloween is one of the days with the highest number of crimes a year
sirius 🌈
i will be entering myself into those statistics
dorc_ass to evan is better than all of you 😩
nov 1, 13:22
dorcas 💫
marlene and i are officially together
pandora 🦋
WHJAYAT&AIGKLAUGEJKGUS
sirius 🌈
AYOOO
pandora 🦋
I AM SQUEALING
peter 💩🧻
oh my god everyone is together at last
remus 🌈
never thought this day would come
regulus 🐍
about fucking time jesus christ
barty 👺
april fools?
evan 🌹
it's november
james ☀️
GRAY NOVEMBER
james ☀️
happy for you tho
grant 😼
slay but james evermored us
grant 😼
ew i just said slay
lily 💚
I LITERALLY STOPPED EVERYTHING I WAS DOING JUST NOW
mary ✨
BEHEJWJSIQIDIQHDQISJ
mary ✨
WHY DO YOU LOT ALWAYS HAVE THESE ANNOUNCEMENTS AT INAPPROPRIATE TIMES
marlene 🪐
not my fault you're smart so you got uni to take care of jeez
james ☀️
i decided to ditch today
regulus 🐍
and i'm still gonna kill you
james ☀️
didn't you text me you were on your way like a minute ago
james ☀️
you're ditching too
regulus 🐍
yes
regulus 🐍
because i am coming to kill you
pandora 🦋
really all of you could have got together during summer but no you made your own lives extra difficult for no reason 🙄
pandora 🦋
looking at cat boy and his boyfriend along with you two lesbians
dorcas 💫
excuse me we were waiting for the perfect moment
remus 🌈
which was?
grant 😼
the most interesting part of the movie
marlene 🪐
don't know what you're on about
grant 😼
oh PLEASE
grant 😼
i just know you two waited for shit to start going down so that you can sneak off to the bathroom to make out because no one was paying attention to you
grant 😼
except for me cause i like sticking my nose into other people's busniess
barty 👺
that makes two of us
marlene 🪐
and we thought we were slick
dorcas 💫
i told you it was gonna look suspicious
regulus 🐍
james you're on bathroom cleaning duty today 😃
james ☀️
okay
james ☀️
the things i do for love
dorcas 💫
all we did was kiss you don't have to disinfect your walls
evan 🌹
you also missed the best part because of your snogging
mary ✨
nah cause seeing sirius scream and jump onto remus was the highlight of the night
remus 🌈
he jumped right onto my fucked up hip
james ☀️
ah yes year 9 p.e. class 💀
sirius 🌈
IT WASN'T ON PURPOSE
sirius 🌈
THE JUMPSCARE SCARED THE LIFE OUT OF ME
sirius 🌈
I HAD TO KEEP LOOKING AT THE DOOR TO MAKE SURE NO ONE WAS GONNA BREAK IN
lily 💚
not gonna lie those kids who kept banging on the door did give me the creeps
peter 💩🧻
that one knock was horrifying
sirius 🌈
THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING
sirius 🌈
I THOUGHT WE WERE GONNA DIE
barty 👺
but we didn't
pandora 🦋
WE MADE IT YAAAAAY
peter 💩🧻
we didn't enter ourselves into halloween homicide statistics 😫
remus 🌈
usually i would say that you lot are making a big deal out of nothing but in an age where people are simping for serial killers surviving halloween night does seem like an achievement
marlene 🪐
someone misses writing essays i see
lily 💚
but like that's applause worthy
james ☀️
reg i'm gonna tell our kids about yesterday
regulus 🐍
lucky me
lily 💚
that's definitely gonna be better than locking them away in a basement for the first 11 years of their life
regulus 🐍
oh so you heard that 💀
lily 💚
i hear everything 😙💗