Archive of Our Own

January 15, 2022

"Hey darling can you believe we finally made it to the ocean and it only took 10 years, sorry about that. Tomorrow is our 7 year anniversary but you know that, you should see this sunset it's beautiful, the kind you always loved all Yellows Reds and Oranges. I wish I could have brought Joey but he's got a cold, he's home with mom she's been a big help. Baby the waters cold, yes I'm standing in it like we always planned on doing". Harry looked down at the Black box in his hands rubbing his thumb across the brass name plate Sergeant Joseph Wayne Styles Born April 1, 1992 Died August 24, 2017 Afghanistan.

Harry had met Joe in college back in Columbus Ohio when they were 20, they dated 3 years before they got married. Joe was the love of Harry's life he knew it the very first time he saw him on the Football field, Joe was a Buckeye through and through you know the ones that swore that they would bleed Scarlet and Gray if you cut them. Joe's dream was to play professional ball after college, make all kinds of money and buy Harry a big house, but that dream was dashed when in his Junior year he was injured and doctors said he would never play ball again.

Harry and Joe were happy being married they had even started looking into finding a Surrogate so they could have a baby. When Joe decided to join the Army Harry wasn't thrilled but he stood behind his husbands decision. Harry hated being away from Joe but by then they finally had a baby on the way, both of them were thrilled to become parents. The doctor laid a beautiful baby boy they named Joseph after his father in Harry's arms on August 19th 2017. Five days later Harry got the most devastating news of his life, Joey's father and his love had been killed in a roadside bombing in Afghanistan.

Now here almost five years later Harry was standing in the ocean in California watching a sunset and getting ready to say goodbye to Joe forever, he didn't want to do this but he knew it was his husband wishes. Harry loved Joe, no loves Joe he would never not love him. Choking back tears Harry opened the lid on the box and let his husbands ashes fall into the ocean "Goodbye my love until we see each other again". Harry was completely unaware of how long he stood there as tears dripped from his cheeks to fall into the ocean and mix with the ashes that were spreading across the surface and drifting away like the life he thought he was distend to live with his husband and son.

Harry stood there just watching the sunset not really wanting to walk away, because he knew when he did his life with Joe will have come to a close. He whisperd "I love you and Goodbye" one last time. Harry turned and walked out of the ocean to head home, a home that him and Joey had only been in for a month, having just moved from Ohio for a job and to be closer to his mother and Joey's Grandmother. Joey would never know his father or his Grandparents on Joe's side, they had both been gone by the time the two of them had met. Harry was trying to keep Joey's dads memory alive with pictures and stories, Joey had always been told how much his dad loved him and that he didn't want to leave them. But how do you make a five year old understand about death and that someone they never met loved him more than his own life? Harry loved living in Ohio but the memories were just to hard on him to stay there. He would give California a try a brand new start to make new memories.

Harry set down on the sand to put his shoes back on, setting the empty box on the sand beside him, it would go back on the mantel over the fireplace with Joe's picture and the folded flag he was given at the funeral. Reaching down to pick up the box Harry noticed a seashell laying beside it, maybe it was a sign Joe was always fascinated with the ocean even though he never got to see it, now he was a part of it forever. Harry put the shell in his pocket he would give it to Joey to add to his own collection of things from the ocean, he had the same fascination as his father did. Harry couldn't wait for his cold to be gone so they could come and touch the water, explore the sand for more shells and build Sandcastles. Maybe Harry would learn to surf at some point.

"Sunsets here are always more beautiful this time of year don't you think?" "Huh?" "I was saying that sunsets here are always more beautiful this time of year." "Oh I'm sorry I didn't see you setting there and I wouldn't know I'm new to California." Harry probably wouldn't have noticed the man setting on the outcrop of rocks had he not said anything, his thoughts deep in missing Joe and wanting to get home to Joey to read him a bedtime story before bed. "Sorry." "For what?" The man pointed to the box under Harry's arm, he knew what the box was for he had seen to many of them in his line of work in the local VA hospital as a Physical Therapist. Not everyone that came to the hospital made it out alive, more then he wanted to think about couldn't deal with what they went through and committed Suicide, so those boxes were something he saw more then what he wanted to. "Thank you have a good night." "You too."

Harry didn't get very far from the man before he turned back around and spoke, "The sunset really was beautiful." "Yes it was." "Hey by the way cute dog." "Thanks his name is Clifford." "Bye maybe I will see you around." "Bye yourself and maybe." Harry continued walking up the beach he couldn't wait to get home to Joey to read him a story and give him the shell he'd found. The man continued to set on the rocks until the rest of the sun dipped below the horizon. "Come on Cliff we need to get home." The dog let out a low bark, he was so ready to leave, running around and around his master. "Cliff what did you think?" Clifford barked again but louder this time, "Yeah Cliff he is cute but his eyes are so sad." Clifford cocked his head to the side like he was trying to understand what his dad was saying. "Race you home." It was a every night thing even though he knew his dog always won.

February 1st
"Happy Birthday Daddy." "Thank you sweet boy." "How old are you now Daddy?" "I'm 5 today little man." "No you're not Daddy I'm almost 5 and I'm little you're big so you're old" "Yes I am Joey." "Are you as old as Mr. Smith next door, he smells funny?" "No I'm not and how do you know he smells funny?" "Cause Grandma and me took cookies over to him the other day, he has a cat it's Black and White and it doesn't have a tail." "Oh my what happened to its tail?" "I don't know Daddy." "Well maybe you can ask him the next time you see him." "Can we get a cat Daddy?" "No buddy he would eat Sir Fluffy Butt your hamster."

"Ok Daddy guess what?" "What" "Grandma and me made you a cake today." "Did you now what kind?" "A nilla one with Pink icing and Sprinkles." "That sounds good." "Daddy you have to be careful when you eat it I think I dropped some egg shell in when Grandma let me crack a egg." "That will just make it a crunchy cake." "Daddy you're funny." "Funny looking." Harry stickes his tongue out and tickles his son it causes Joey to giggle and run from the room almost running into his grandma coming in the kitchen. "Don't run in the house."

"Happy Birthday Harry." "Thanks mom." "Are you going out to celebrate I can watch Joey for a couple of hours?" "I wasn't mom, you know I don't like to make a big deal of my birthday since Joe died." "I know Harry but it's been 5 years you need to start living again." "I'm fine mom." "No you're not you set around here moping all the time, you need to get out and do something for yourself maybe meet someone." The last time Harry can remember going out and doing anything was before Joe died, he really didn't see the point of it he knew he wouldn't enjoy himself without Joe. "Harry go I'm so tired of seeing you unhappy all the time." "Mom you understand Joe died, what do I have to be happy about besides Joey and we are doing fine." "No you're not, and you know Joe wouldn't want you to stop living just because he wasn't here."

Harry and Joe had talked about what would happen if anything went wrong and he didn't return, he told Harry to find someone and be happy again. Harry didn't know if he could find someone else, or if he even wanted to that could make him as happy as he had been with Joe. How could he love someone else after Joe? "Harry please go you have to keep living for you and that little boy." "Fine mom I will, just stop harping." "Thank you Harry." "Mom I don't even know of any place around here to go, I haven't been able to see what bars are around with work and taking care of Joey." "Harry I go to a little place a couple streets over from the hospital all the time, it's run by a nice Irish boy it's called Niall's Place." "You go to bars Mom?" "Yes Harry I've met some nice men there." "Yuck Mom." "Harry I'm old not dead." "Still you're my Mom shouldn't you be home Knitting or something." "I don't think so now go before I kick your behind." His plan is to drink a couple beers and come home then she can't say he didn't try.

Standing in front of his closet now deciding what to wear, should he get dressed up and go out, or eat birthday cake? Harry knew his mom wouldn't stop until he had at least gone out and tried to enjoy himself. As much as Harry would rather eat cake then do this, he had realized for a while now after seeing so many couples together around California that he was a little lonely. Five years was a long time to be by yourself. It wasn't so much about the lack of sex as it was the other things, like holding hands, going on dates to the movies, dinner or even just dancing. Joe loved to dance he even taught Harry how to Waltz not like he would ever have a need to Waltz, but hey he knew how if it ever came up.

Now as for the sex no it wasn't what Harry thought about most but if he let himself fall for someone at some point he knew it would happen, he had never been with anyone other than Joe. How would he know if the person liked the same things as he did? Harry and Joe had been together for 5 years that was plenty of time to learn things about someone and what they liked in bed. Harry knew the facts about himself that he loved to kiss and he was a big cuddler, when it came to the actual sex act Harry enjoyed both top and bottom. When it came to giving Blow Jobs he was a swallower, his motto was why do it if you were going to waste it. Passion in a relationship was a big deal to Harry you had to have that to make it work, him and Joe had had plenty of that, and Harry knew he wouldn't settle for anything less. Harry had to trust himself when it came to finding someone else, if it took a month, a year or never, he wouldn't settle for anything that wasn't special. He couldn't and wouldn't do that to himself or Joey.

Harry checked himself in the mirror one last time finally satisfied with what he was wearing, he had chosen a pair of Black skinny jeans, a sheer Black t-shirt and a nice Tan pair of Chelsea boots. Harry haden't dressed like this since Joe had died, it had always been one of his favorite outfit to wear when they went out. Harry stopped in the living room and gave Joey a kiss on the head. "Be good for Grandma." "I will Daddy I love you," "I love you too buddy." There was still time for Harry to ditch the plan of going out, to eat cake in front of the tv with his son instead. "You look nice Harry." "Thanks Mom, please don't keep him up past his bed time." "I won't, I love you and have a good time." "I'll try Mom, but I can't promise anything." "I know but please give it a chance."

Harry put the address for Niall's Place in his GPS, he was still learning to navigate the streets of Santa Barbara a city that put his home town to shame, he hoped he learned them soon getting lost just trying to get to the grocery store was getting old. According to his phone he was 20 minutes away, still time to bail and go set on the beach and watch another sunset , his mom would never know he didn't go. He knew she meant well, but was he truly ready to move on or was he just trying to make his mom happy?

Pulling up in front of Niall's Place he decided he was just going to go for it how bad could it be? As soon as Harry walked in the door he was greeted by the guy behind the bar. "Welcome to NIall's Place set anyplace you want I'm Niall. What can I get you?" Harry chose the first stool at the bar closest to the door. Looking around he smiled this place reminded him of so many little family owned bars back home, his eye catches a sign on the wall behind the bar that said you could get one free drink on your birthday, and the only thing you needed to do was show them your ID. "Is that sign still good about the free birthday drink cause today's my birthday?" "Yes all you have to do is show me your ID as proof." Harry slid his Driver's License out of his wallet and pushed it across the bar. "Yep it's your birthday Harry and you live in Ohio, that's a long way to come for a birthday drink." "I live here now I just haven't gotten it changed yet." "Ok mate what can I get for you?" "A Vodka and Red Bull if that's ok." "It's fine I always have Red Bull in stock cause my friend down at the end of the bar drinks the same thing," Niall motions to the other end of the bar to a man with his head down looking at his phone.

Niall turns to make Harry's drink when he turns back around and hands it to him he clears his throat, "Hey everyone this is Harry and it's his birthday today." Several people wish him happy birthday, the man at the end of the bar doesn't say anything nor does he even look up. "Louis did you hear it's Harry's birthday today." "What, who?" Louis looks up to see who Niall was talking about, when he sees Harry a smile spreads across his face. "Hey you're that guy from the beach a couple weeks ago the one with the box." "Yes and you're the one with the dog." :Yeah that would be Clifford, sorry Happy Birthday." "Thanks." "Did you get your free birthday drink?" "Yes I did thanks for asking." Well let me know if you want another one after that, I"ll buy you one." "Thanks."

"Louis how do you know Harry here and stop talking so loud?" "Niall we kinda met on the beach a few weeks ago we enjoyed a sunset together." Harry let out a loud laugh instantly clamping his hands over his mouth aware of how loud it came out. "Sorry." "You're fine Harry, now if I could get Louis down there to not be so loud all the time." "Hey Niall is this loud enough for you" as he flips him off, "if you want it in stereo I have two of them" lifting his other hand up till he's flipping him off with both hands, "I can even turn it up." Louis raises both hands above his head and waves them in the air. "Why must you be such a moron all the time Louis?" Niall I think he's funny I will have to remember that and use it sometime." "Oh please don't encourage him Harry I have been trying to get him to stop doing that for years now."

"Hey Niall if sign language didn't work how about a plain Fuck You." "Louis you're not my type I don't swing that way my swing has to have less balls then you." "Christ Niall you have less balls than me." "Shut up Louis one time I forget to lock the bathroom door, I told you it was because I was cold." "Ok Niall it was like 98 that day." "Oh My God you guys are hilarious best laugh I've had in a long time." Harry do you care if I scoot down there with my drink so this bleached Blond Leprechaun will stop bitching." "Louis I told you this is from the sun I don't bleach my hair." "Ok Niall why do you have Sally's on speed dial then.? " It's for my sister." "Niall you don't have any sisters." "Shut up Louis."

Louis sets down by Harry and extends his hand, "By the way I"m Louis as you could probably tell from Niall there Louis Tomlinson to be exact." "My names Harry." "So Harry do you have a last name?" "Sorry it's Styles." "Well nice to meet you Harry Styles, has anyone ever told you have the most gorgeous eyes?" Harry's face blushes, "Yes all the time." "Harry those are the kinda eyes a guy could get lost in." "I've been told," "Have you now?" "Yes my husband would tell me that all the time." "Your married?" "No I'm a widower that's why I was at the beach, I was spreading his ashes in the Ocean." "Oh I'm sorry I just assumed it was your Mom's or Dad's, how long has he been gone?" "It will be 5 years in August." "If it's not prying to much can I ask how he died?" "No it's fine he was killed in Afghanistan 5 days after our son Joseph was born." Harry knew he need to change the subject away from himself. Why was having Louis this close to him making him have butterflies in his stomach? He hadn't felt this giddy in years. Was he even aloud to feel this way, wasn't it to soon after Joe's death? Maybe he could just ignore them.

"So Louis Tomlinson what do you do for a living?" "I'm a Physical Therapist over at the VA hospital." "Really my mom works there." "What's her name I probably know her?" "Anne Cox. "Yes I do know her nice lady, she makes really good cookies." "Yeah that would be her." "What do you do Harry?" "I'm a lawyer over at Payne Malik and Associates." "No fucking way those two are my room mates, small world" "You have two room mates?" "No actually three Niall Is one of them too that's how we can afford to live on the beach." "I live on the beach too so it is a small world."

"Speaking of the beach we have a Volleyball game on Saturday if you want to come, we could always use a tall player." "Yeah cause Louis there can hardly reach the net cause he's so small." "Shut up Niall I'm big." "Louis the only thing big about you is your head." "Funny Niall why are you even listening to our conversation,? go wash some glasses or something." "The glasses are all washed, if I don't listen how am I going to learn anything about Harry here?" "Louis I can come but I won't be able to play I will have Joey with me, we can watch and cheer for you though." "Oh Louis you have your own personal cheerleader raw, raw, raw." Louis glares at Niall daring him to continue. "Never mind maybe there is some glasses that need washed." Niall walks towards the other end of the bar like someone killed his puppy stomping his feet the whole way. "Stop it baby." "Fuck you Louis it's my bar I'll do what ever I want."

"Are you guys always Like that?" "Yeah pretty much, do you want another drink now?" "No I have to get home I didn't realize that I have been here this long, I will have to take a rain check on it." "It was nice meeting you Niall see you Saturday." "You too Harry." "It wasn't nice meeting me?" "Oh no Louis it was very nice meeting you, I can't wait till Saturday, I will bring my own pom poms." "You have your own pom poms?" "Yes my husband played football I was his biggest cheerleader." The thought of Harry jumping around all legs and pom poms caused Louis' heart to beat a little faster.

"Harry I need your number in case something comes up." "Ok give me your phone." Harry opens a new text types a message and hits send handing the phone back to Louis, "See you Saturday." After Harry leaves Louis just sets there looking at the door smiling, he only looks away when he hears Niall calling his name, "Louis?" "What?" "Smooth what a way to get his number." "Hey what can I say Niall he's beautiful." "Yes but do you realize now we have to plan a Volleyball game, and do we even own a Volleyball?" Louis finally opens the text that Harry sent and reads it. :See you Saturday I won't forget my pom poms:)xx. Dammit how was Louis going to get that image out of his head now?

February 5Th

Today was the big Volleyball game, the perfect excuse for Harry to to hang out with Louis , it would also give him a chance to see how Joey acted around Louis. If Joey didn't like Louis then he couldn't pursue anything farther with him, he wasn't going to bring someone into his sons life that he didn't like. Harry really hoped that Joey liked Louis thought cause he would like to get to know him better and spend time with him. Harry was aware there'd be other people there also, some he knew from work but most he probably didn't. What better way to make some new friends?

Harry had been in a good mood since talking to Louis on his birthday, he was so glad that he went after giving his mom so much shit about it. When Harry told his mom that he'd met Louis at Niall's the night of his birthday, she couldn't stop talking about how handsome ,nice and funny he was, but she also didn't forget to mention he was loud. Harry liked Louis' loud, as for the rest of the stuff he agreed with except the handsome, part Louis was't handsome that boy was drop dead gorgeous. The kind of gorgeous that made Harry's tongue not want to work right, he had proof of that when Louis had called last night to remind him of the game today. Even without seeing his face he was stuttering as he tried to talk to Louis until Louis asked him if he was having a stroke. That made him stutter more until he told Louis he had to go and he would see him today.

Joey woke him at 630 by jumping on his bed to tell him how excite he was to go to the beach today. Harry loved the beach and he was glad that his job made it so they could live there, Harry had snuck away every night since his birthday to the beach, kinda hoping to run into Louis again, But mostly to set on the beach and talk to Joe. He'd talk about Joey and how much he was growing and how he was starting to look so much like his father. Harry used the times in the evening when he mom came over to spend time with Joey to just set on the beach and reflect and tell Joe the things that were going on in their lives. Harry talked to Joe about Louis too about how the two of them would have probably been friends, they had the same since of humor. Harry couldn' deny that on most nights he cried, he didn't want Joe to be mad if he moved on.

Louis was exciting and funny and Harry laughed and smiled when he was around him, but it also felt wrong like he would be cheating on his husband. Was it him or did all people that lose a spouse feel that way when they meet someone else? So at 630 when Joey decided that going to the beach was the best reason to jump on his bed, and try to talk as fast as his little mouth could about everything he was going to do at the beach today. Harry couldn't agree with him more about being excite to go to the beach today, spending time with Joey and Louis was something he was very excited to do. He coudn't remember the last time he was this excited.

Harry and Joey finally got to the beach at 10 after spending an hour on deciding what snacks to pack, what sand toys to take, that was the hardest to agree on, Joey didn't know why his dad wouldn't let him take 6 sand shovels. who even buys 6 at a time? Harry realized he needed to do that when Joey kept losing them in the sand. Applying sunscreen was another thing, it was like trying to catch a baby greased pig, Joey most definitely didn't want to stand still for that, until his dad explained that he wouldn't get to stay at the beach very long, and that he would end up looking like a Lobster if he didn't get it on. "Daddy Lobsters are ugly I don't want to look like on of them." "Ok then let me do this."Harry hoped the day would go smoother than their morning had.

The first thing to catch Harry's eye was Louis shirtless in a little pair of red shorts, how was he going to make it through the rest of the day looking at that and not being able to touch him. Harry was glad the shorts he wore that morning were a loser fit, he hoped he didn't have to worry to much, and he would be able to maintain his composure and not embarrass himself today.

"Daddy look there's a dog." "Yes buddy you can play in the sand." "No Daddy you're not paying attention to me." "I'm sorry Joey what were you saying." There's a dog, look Daddy can I pet it?" "You'll have to ask you can't just pet strange dogs without asking." "Can we Daddy, do you think that man will let me?" "You can ask him and his name is Louis." "Louis is a silly name for a dog Daddy." "No baby the dogs name is Clifford the man's name is Louis." "How do you know that Daddy?" "Cause I met him and he works the same place Grandma does." "He works at the hospital that's cool." "Yes it is baby." "Daddy stop calling me baby I'm not a baby I'm a big boy." "Yes you are I'm sorry." No matter how big Joey gets he will always be Harry's baby. Having Joey to take care after Joe died gave Harry a reason to keep going on, even on the days Harry just wanted to die himself he knew he had to be there for their son.

"Can I pet your dog?" "Yes Joey you can." "How do you know my name?" "Your Daddy told me, my name is Louis and that there is Clifford." "Did Daddy tell you my big name?" "No I don't think he did Joey." "My name is Joesph Wayne Styles, I'm named after my other Daddy he died before he ever got to meet me, but Daddy says he loved me, and Daddy calls me Joey and sometimes baby but I don't like that cause I'm not a baby." "Yes Joey he loved you very much and I know your not a baby, but your my baby." Harry gets sad when ever Joey brings up his father because he knows his son is missing out on so much by not having Joe here. Harry always lets Joey know how much his father loved him, but there's things a little boy misses out on when they only have one parent.

Harry lays out the blanket and all of their stuff neatly beside the Volleyball net knowing it won't be neat as soon as Joey sets down. Harry Looks around some of the people he know but some he doesn't. "Harry let me introduce you to everyone.You know Liam and Zayn from work and Niall from the bar, That's Perrie Zayn's girlfriend and Sophie. Liam's girlfriend." "Hi everyone, nice to meet you girls." "You too" Perrie says. "Harry did you remember your pom poms?" " I sure did Louis I told you I would and I don't lie." Harry pulls a set of Pink pom poms out of his bag and starts waving them around. Louis laughs he didn't think Harry really had pom poms, shit the thought of Harry jumping around floods Louis' mind and makes his breath catch. This boy is going to be a problem for Louis' heart and he knows it already.

Today is a nice day the nicest day Harry thinks he's had in a long time, he watches his son playing in the sand and running after Clifford. Harry takes pictures, lots of pictures ones of Joey with his sand bucket on his head and ones of Clifford with the bucket and Joey's sunglasses on, in all the pictures Joey is smiling Harry loves seeing his son smile. He takes picture of Louis too when he's not taking pictures of him he's staring with such intensity, that Louis asks him to stop with the creepy serial killer stare a couple of times. Harry can't help it Louis is beautiful and he is causing him to feel stuff he hasn't felt in a long time. Harry doesn't forget to cheer for Louis waving his Pink pom poms around so much that Niall is cackling and Joey is asking his dad to stop cause he is embarrassing him.

Since Joey had gotten up at 6:30 and Harry hadn't been able to talk him into going back to sleep, it only took a few hours on the beach until he started yawning. "Daddy I'm tired can we go home?" "Joey that's why I wanted you to go back to sleep when you got up so early." "I know Daddy but I was to excited to sleep cause we was coming to the beach." Harry wasn't ready to leave and if he had he knew by the time Joey woke up from his nap it would be to late to come back to the beach. "How about I call Grandma and have her come get you and see if you can stay all night with her would you like that?" "Yes Daddy I want to do that." Harry pulls out his phone and calls his mom to ask her if she wants Joey for the night she doesn't hesitate she never does. "Harry I will stop at the house and get his stuff and then come down to the beach and get him." Harry is glad his mom lives close by, she has been such a big help since Joey and him moved to California.

15 Minutes later Harry's mom shows up at the beach to get Joey, she stops to say hi to Louis and winks at Harry and tells him to enjoy himself. "Mom really?" "Harry he's a nice man give it a chance." Harry doesn't know what chance his mom is talking about, he doesn't even really know that much about Louis, he'd only spent a little bit of time with him since meeting him on the beach that evening almost a month ago. But Harry does know that in that little bit of time, that he likes Louis he really is nice and funny he makes Harry laugh. Harry thinks maybe he could develop feelings for Louis if they could spend more time together.

After Joey leaves Harry continues to watch Louis and the others play several more games of Volleyball he alternates between reading a book and jumping up to cheer for Louis when he gets the ball over the net. Between shaking his pom poms and shaking his butt he catches Louis smiling and using the same serial killer smile that he told Harry not to use.

When the sun finally starts to set and everyone is saying their goodbye's Louis sets down on the blanket beside Harry. "So Harry did you have a good day?" "Yes Louis I did and I think Joey really enjoyed himself too. Looks like he wore Clifford out" he motioned to the dog laying with his head on Louis' feet. "Yeah I'm going to have Liam take him back to the house so I can set here for awhile longer." "Just relax some before heading home?" "Yes would you like to set here for awhile longer, or do you have to head back to the house for Joey?" "No he's staying with my Mom tonight." "Really?" "Yeah so I can set here with you for awhile, good games today." "Thanks it's been awhile since I played." "You guys don't do that all the time?" "Oh Hell no if I did that all the time I would die I"m so out of shape." "You look in pretty good shape to me" Harry had to look away because he realized he had said that out loud. "Styles are you checking me out?" "Maybe just a little bit." "After seeing you staring at me all day I don't know if I should be honored or scared, that was kinda creepy." "Sorry." "It's ok just don't do it again." "If you don't play Volleyball all the time why did you ask me to come and watch you play?" "How else was I going to get to spend time with you?" "I don't know like maybe ask me out on a date." "Ok Harry Styles would you like to go on a date with me?""Yes Lou I would very much like to go on a date with you." "Yippee." "Louis did you just say yippee?" "Maybe."

February 18th

This is the fifth night in a row that Harry had made it down to the beach after dinner to set on the rocks and watch the sunset. His mom didn't question his need for time to himself when she offered to stay longer and keep an eye on Joey so he could go. Harry had talked to his mom some about what was bothering him , she worried about him a lot but she knew she couldn't make his decisions for him. Harry was having trouble with the thought of going on the date with Louis, it's not that he didn't want to go, because he really does, he likes Louis very much. His mom had told him he couldn't be alone for the rest of his life. In the back of his mind he knew that, but he was scared, scared to open his heart. Harry had been alone almost 5 years, refusing to even try to build a life that didn't just revolve around him and Joey, and now with Louis he was having the kind of feeling that scared the Hell out of him. What if he let his guard down and let Louis get close and it didn't work out, he didn't want to be heartbroken again.

When Joe died Harry shut down and didn't eat for days. taking care of Joey was the only thing that mattered to him, he knew without the help of his mom and some close friends he probably wouldn't have been able to do that. It seemed when Joey wasn't crying he was. It got so bad when the one friend that Harry had since grade school told him to snap out of it one night. That was the night that Harry snapped and punched his friend in the face, the friend left and Harry never talked to him again. That was the night he told himself he wouldn't let anyone in again, he couldn't go through the pain of losing someone ever, from then on it had just been him and Joey.

Now when he least expected it there was Louis, walking into his life and causing so many emotions that Harry didn't even know he was still capable of having, his stomach felt like it had actual butterflies flopping around in it like they were jumping on a trampoline anytime he was around Louis. Harry's apprehension about letting Louis in was what brought him back to the beach to watch the sun set all these nights. He knew these were sunsets he should have been watching with Joe, but because of some stupid war in a place Harry didn't even want Joe to be that was taken from them.

Now he set and talked to Joe and told him about Louis. "Joe I don't know what to do I miss you so much, it almost killed me when you died I didn't want to face the fact that you were never coming back that I would never see your face again. I promised myself after you were gone I would never let my heart fall again, but I'm lonely. Please don't be mad at me if I see where this could go with Louis, Joe I really do like him and I think he could be good for me and Joey. He won't replace you as Joey's father, I would never let him do that don't ever think that, because he couldn't, you will be the only father Joey will have. Joe I believe he can add things to our lives that both of us need right now. I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone, I know I thought I did and that I would, but Joe Louis changed that. Even if it doesn't work out between us, and God I hope it does, I can't shut myself off again it's not good for me or Joey." Every night the conversations with Joe were different, and tears still fell but the sunset was still beautiful.

February 19th
L: 7:45 am Good morning are you awake?
H: Yes getting Joey ready for Daycare, but I can't find his other shoe.
L: Look where he last left them.
H: If I knew where he last left them I wouldn't still be looking for it would I ?
L: Did you look in the toy box?
H: No and why would it be there?
L: Just a thought.
H: Hold on I'll be right back.
L: Ok.
H: Guess what it was in his toy box, how did you know that?
L: I didn't it's just what my sisters would do all the time.
H: Thanks.
L: No need for thanks, are you still looking forward to our date?
H: Yes but where are we going?
L: That's a secret just dress really casual nothing fancy.
H: Ok text you later.
L: Have a good day.
H: You too.

It had been awhile since the Volleyball game, they had set up a day for their date but it kept getting moved, because one or both of them would have something come up. It was a family emergency for Louis one time, and Joey getting sick and giving it to Harry another time. Every time they thought it was set something else would come up. The delays didn't stop them from talking, nights were spent texting or talking on Facetime sometimes past the hours Harry should be asleep, when you have a young child you try and sleep as much as you can. They would spend two or three hours after Joey went to bed on Facetime, Harry would use some of that time practicing his dad jokes on Louis, some of them would make Louis laugh so hard that he would swear if he didn't stop he was going to pee himself. Other one's Harry knew Louis was just laughing to make him feel better, because when he tried those one's on Joey he would tell his dad he wasn't funny. Harry definitely knew Louis was laughing just to make him happy and to be able to spend more time on Facetime asking each other questions trying to get to know the other one better.

Harry didn't hardly ever work on Saturday, but he had some papers to go over with a client today who's Divorce hearing was first thing Monday morning, and this was the last time they would have to meet before then. Harry's mom usually watched Joey on the Saturday's he worked but she had been called into work too something about an IT problem. Harry was having to take advantage of the daycare that was offered through his work, having Joey's daycare right there let Harry visit through the day. Joey really liked the other kids at daycare , but Harry thought he wasn't getting enough one on one time. Now with it being a Saturday Harry was sure with there not being as many kids there he would get some one on one attention with the caregiver.

Harry knew the extra time that Joey was at daycare would give him time to spend with females other than his mom. Harry hadn't been in California long enough to make any female friends other than Louis' friends Sophia and Perrie. Harry had felt bad the day Joey asked him why he didn't have a mommy like the rest of the kids in daycare did? After Harry had calmed down and stopped crying in the bathroom where Joey couldn't see him, he set down and pulled Joey onto his lap to cuddle him and explain that sometimes families are made of different parts, sometimes there's a mommy and a daddy but then there could be two mommies or two daddies or even only a mommy or a daddy. But it didn't matter what parts a family was made up of, there was just as much love in those families as the one Joey was born into with two daddies. Harry had wanted their surrogate to stay in Joey's life but she chose not to. When Harry asked her why, she told him she only held the baby in her belly for 9 months, but Harry and Joe would hold him in their hearts forever, and it was their time to love and cherish him. He was a gift from God and a gift she wanted to give to the two most amazing men she had ever met, and she was honored to carry and be able to give them that gift, but it was up to them to love and care for that gift now.

L: Harry how long do you have to work today?
H: Should be done by noon why?
L: Just wondered when you would be back home.
H: Should be there by 12:45.
L: Ok talk to you later.
H: Are you going to tell me why you wanted to know that?
L: No.

Harry was finished a little before noon so after stopping to pick up Joey from daycare it was noon when he left the office, and baring bad traffic he should be home around 12:45 like he told Louis he would be.

H: I'm leaving work now should be home in 45 minutes.
L:Ok
H: Are you going to tell me why you wanted to know when I was going to be home yet?
L: No you'll just have to wait.
H: Please be a sweetheart and tell me.
L: Like I said you'll just have to wait.
H :( :P
L: Did you just use emojis?
H: Yes I did so what.
L: ;) see you later.

Harry had just gotten Joey in the house and his shoes off, with plans to head to the kitchen to make the two of them some lunch when the doorbell rang. Harry wasn't expecting anyone in the middle of the day on a Saturday, when he opened he door there standing on his doorstep was a delivery guy with a long White box wrapped with Yellow ribbon. "I have a delivery for a Mr. Harry Styles." "That's me." Harry reached in his pocket for money to give the guy a tip before taking the box, he handed the guy a 20. "Oh thank you very much Mr.Styles and have a good day." "You too." Harry knew these boxes always contained flowers from the ones he'd gotten several times from Joe during their time together. Joe would get Harry flowers for no reason often, one day Harry asked Joe what was the reason for that days flowers and his answer was because it's Tuesday. Harry knew the flowers couldn't be from anyone besides Louis, This was the reason he wanted to know when Harry was going to be home, how sly of him. Harry put the box on the table to open it, carefully pulling the ribbon off, he would add it to the crafting box that Joey used to make the pictures and cards that pasted the sides of their refrigerator. Harry had expected Red Roses to be in the box, but that wasn't what lay before him when he removed the lid. Inside were 6 Yellow Roses and 6 very bright Yellow Sunflowers and a card. Harry wanted to cry when he saw them those were two of his most favorite flowers. How could Louis have known that? Picking up the card and reading it gave Harry a smile and a little chuckle. 6 beautiful yellow Roses for a beautiful man and 6 Yellow sunflowers, because you remind me of the sun so bright and oh so hot. Leave it to Louis for the card to start out romantic and end in flirtation.

Harry: Thank You !
Louis: For what ?
Harry: The flowers they're beautiful.
Louis: So they look just like you ?
Harry: They're flowers how could they look like me, and how did you know those two were my favorites?
Louis: I might have asked your mom the other day at work.
Harry: You did she didn't say anything to me about it.
Louis: It was a secret. Do you know your mom is trying to marry you off already?
Harry: I'm sorry Louis I will say something to her.
Louis: No please don't Harry it was fine, she's just excited that you're going on a date after all this time.
Harry: Still she shouldn't be pushing me on you.
Louis: Harry if anyone is being pushed on me to date, I'm glad it's you.
Harry; I can't wait for our date.
Louis: Good neither can I, see you at 7.
Harry: See you then and thanks again for the flowers.

It's been to long since Harry had flowers sent to him, and these one's are beautiful. He can't help it as he stops to smell them again on his way through the house picking up Joey's toys. Can you sniff all the scent from a flower, He certainly hopes not? Harry has quite a few hours before his date with Louis, he decides to lay down for a nap with Joey but only for a couple of hours. He can't let his son sleep to long, he's going to spending the night with his grandmother and he doesn't want her to have trouble getting him to sleep tonight because Harry let him take to long of a nap. "Joey lets take a nape for a little bit." "Ok Daddy can I lay with you in your bed this time?" "Yes baby." "Daddy I told you I'm not a baby." "I'm sorry But Joey you're always going to be my baby no matter how big you get." If only Joey would stay that little, Harry dreads the time when Joey will leave him to start school. Watching him get on the bus Harry already knows he's not going to handle it very good. but thankfully that's still more than a year away. Joey slides over against Harry to be cuddled, he knows he got that from Harry because Harry loves cuddles always has.

Harry starts singing softly he loves singing his son to sleep. "Daddy you're happy aren't you?" "Yes Joey I am." "I can tell Daddy cause you always sing that song when you're happy." Maybe Harry does it's never crossed his mind, that his son considered that his dads happy song. Harry pulls Joey tighter to his chest and kisses the top of his head as he continues to sing for his son.

A thousand miles seem pretty far.
But they've got planes and trains and cars
I'd walk to you if I had no other way
Our friends would all make fun of us
And we'll just laugh along because we know
That none of them have felt this way
Delilah, I can promise you
By the time we get through
The world will never be the same
And you're to blame.
Harry doesn't even finish the song when he sees that Joey is asleep. If today is any indication on how happy he can be, he just might be singing that song quite often. Harry is pretty sure his world got a whole lot better when he met Louis Tomlinson, But that doesn't stop him from still worrying about their date tonight. Harry hopes he can carry on a conversation with Louis that Louis dosen't think is boring, Harry hasen't been on a date in years not since before Joe's death. What if it isn't as easy with Louis, he didn't want to wreck their date by talking about something that doesn't interest Louis. Harry doesn't have any hobbies he could talk about sure he takes lots of pictures but that really isn't a hobby, that's him wanting to capture Joey's childhood. They can't talk about movies, he really hasen't seen any movies lately that weren't cartoons. But if Louis wanted to talk about Disney movies those are ones Harry knows like the back of his hand seeing as he's seen most all of them at least 10 times each. Harry has to admit he leads a pretty boring life, work and Joey are the only things he has. With the lack of any social life and more or less spending all his free time at home with his son you would think he was older then he is, pretty much a boring old man. If this is his life now screw getting old cause it sure the shit can't get any worse than this.

Harry was able to finally start getting ready for his date but only after he had crawled around on the floor for a half an hour looking for Walter Joey's purple Hippo the one that Joe and him had bought the day they found out they were having a baby. Joey had never missed a night sleeping with him, Harry knew if he didn't find Walter before Joey left with his grandma then he could kiss his date with Louis goodby because Joey would refuse to leave the house without him. He had to have his Hippo because none of his other stuffed animals worked to calm him. Harry still remembers the night that Joey screamed for an hour because Walter was in the washer and dryer. Joey had eaten something that made him sick and he had puked on Walter. Harry set on the floor of the laundrey room with a screaming toddler and a bucket that Joey kept puking in between screams. He hated that damn Hippo sometimes but he would never get rid of it because he knew it was something that Joey had from his dad.

Now standing in front of his closet 45 minutes before Louis was supose to show up with tangeled hair after a quick shower because he didn't have time to condition it, he would use Joey's tangle spray that he used to get the knots and tangles out of Joey's curls. Joey had gotten Joes curles but so many people just assumed because Harry had curls too that that's where they came from. Harry and Joe had planned to have more kids that's why they used Joe's sperm to conceive Joey and the next baby they would use Harry's, but now there wouldn't be a next baby, that always makes Harry sad when he thinks what could have been. At times Harry had let it cross his mind about checking into having another baby but a good bit of the information he had didn't look favorable to people without partners. He really didn't think the surrogate he used for Joey would do it again since she had been so adamant in not staying a part of Joey's life.

Harry really should have decided yesterday what he was going to wear tonight because it looked like his closet had exploded around him now, he most definitely ownes to many cloths. Thinking back to the outfit he wore to the bar on the night of his birthday he couldn't wear the same one tonight Louis had already seen that one. After trying on 10 shirts to see how they looked with the tight Black Jeans he had shimmied into, he chose a Cream colored short sleeve Silk shirt with small Pink Roses around the edges of the sleeve and a pair of Gold boots. If anyone asked he would lie and say he didn't check out how the pants made his ass look in the mirror. Not bad for a dad if he did say so himself. When the door bell rang at exactly 7 Harry opened the door and a second later Harry could see Louis' mouth drop open. "Is there something wrong Louis?" Already knowing in his mind he made the right choice for his outfit. " No Harry it's just that you look so hot." "Well thank you Louis you're not so bad you look absolutely scrumptious." Harry!" "Sorry please come in." "So where are we going Lou is it close by?" "Yes very close." "Would you like something to drink or do we have to leave soon?" "No I'm good but thanks for asking they're will be drinks there, and we can go at anytime I didn't have to make any reservations for this place so we can get there when ever we want." "Then lets go Lou." Louis can't get over how good it sounds to have Harry calling him Lou not many people besides family call him that, he could get used to Harry saying that all the time to be honest.

Harry starts to walk to the front door until Louis stops him and motions for him to come with him out the back door. "Where are we going Louis?" "Just come with me Harry." The two of them walk across the back deck down the steps onto the beach. Harry can see a glow a ways down the beach about where he knows Louis' beach house is but he can't make out from where they are standing what it is. "Louis?" "Just come Harry please give me your hand." The farther they walk down the beach the more focused the glow before Harry becomes until he can see a table on the beach under a cascade of fairy lights strung between poles. "Oh my God Louis it's beautiful. When did you do this?" " Actually I did't the guys did Liam, Zayn and Niall set it up today for us." "Remind me to thank them it just so lovely." "Well you can thank them yourself in just a bit." "What are you talking about?" " They made dinner for us and they will bring it down to the beach as soon as I text Niall and let him know we are ready to eat, we can eat now or talk for a bit." "I think we can eat and talk at the same time if it's ok with you Lou the last thing I ate today was a Peanut butter and Jelly at lunch with Joey so I'm kinda starving." "What are we having did they tell you what they made?" "Not really but Liam and Zayn told me that you are Pescatarian and that it means the only meat you eat is fish and seafood, so whatever they make it will be a fish dish." "Lou I'm ready to eat when ever you are." "Ok let me text Niall."

Louis: Niall we are ready to eat now.
Niall: Ok we will be right there in a couple minutes everything is just getting done you guys have perfect timing.
Louis: Ok

Less then ten minutes pass when Louis and Harry can see their friends making their way down to the table hands full of different foods. Zayn sets a wine glasses on the table in front of each of them. " Louis, Harry tonights menu consists of a medium bodied Chardonnay that Zayn will now pour for the two of you, grilled Swordfish along with grilled veggie skewers with Bell Peppers, Summer Squash, Mushrooms, baby Potatoes and Egg Plant slices along with a fresh salad with citrus dressing and for dessert we have Creme Brulee." " Niall that all sound wonderful I'm sure we will love it." "Thanks Louis." "I can't wait to dig in Niall it all looks so good." "I hope you like it Harry." "I'm sure I will." " Niall I will let you know when we are done can you hit the music when you get back to the house?" "Yes Louis" "Thanks again Niall I love you guys." "I would taste it first before you say that Louis." " Niall shut up and get out of here so I can have dinner with my beautiful date." "How rude Louis." "Go now Niall."

Soft music starts playing from a speaker on one of the poles the sound of the lapping waves of the ocean in the back ground and a clear sky at dusk when the stars start coming out, Harry is mesmerized by the beauty around him, looking at everything taking it all in until his eyes land on Louis and Louis is smiling watching him take it all in. Louis is hoping that Harry really likes it. Louis knows that this probably isn't the kind of first date Harry expected but he wanted to take Harry someplace quiet so they could talk, getting to know Harry more and spending time with him was something he'd wanted to do since he met Harry on the beach that night back in January. Getting to know this beautiful man was something he knew he had to do from the moment they met he'd never felt that way about anybody so quickly, "Harry is this ok I know its probably not what you were hoping for, for a first date?" "Yes Louis this is perfect, I don't need to go to big fancy places on dates, actually I prefer quiet places with more intimate surroundings so this is wonderful." "Harry I'm glad you like it, I was so afraid you wouldn't and that you wouldn't want to just end up essentially in my back yard for our first date" "No Louis please don't worry I love it." "Do you really please don't just say that to not hurt my feelings?" " I'm not I really do love it and I wouldn't lie to you now or ever."

Harry and Louis ate and talked actually they talked a lot. They talked about work and why each of them chose the career they did. Louis because he wanted to help servicemen if they could fight for our freedom he would do what he could to make each and everyone of their lives better if at all possible. And Harry because he'd seen to many of his friends moms and dads not get treated fairly by the court system and divorce lawyers that really didn't care about their clients, their only real care was getting paid the big bucks to screw families over. Harry would't be one of those lawyers he would make sure his clients were treated fairly. "Not to change the subject Louis but can I ask a question?" "Yeah Harry you can." "Has Niall been asking you if I have sent you dick pics yet cause Liam and Zayn have been asking me if you have sent me any? I don't know why they think that's something we would do let alone why we would since we hadn't even had a first date until now." "They're just nosey, speaking of being nosey see that window on the top floor of our house the one with the light on, how much you want to bet that he's up there laying on my bed watching us with binoculars." "What makes you think that?" "Because its my room and I didn't leave the light on, watch this." Louis takes his phone out of his pocket and starts typing he shows Harry the message before he sends it.
Louis: Niall get out of my room, and stay off my bed.
a couple seconds after he pushes send the light goes out. "See I told you." Louis' phone dings with a text from Niall.
Niall: I wasn't in your room.
Louis: Well then tell Clifford to go to bed and stop fucking with the light switch.
Harry can't help laughing at Niall. "Has he always been like that Louis?" "Pretty much but we just kinda ignore it."

Harry yawns behind his hand he is hoping Louis doesn't see him, he doesn't want the date to end but he's getting tired. "Harry we can call it a night I can see you're getting tired." "Sorry Louis I have had a really good time the food was wonderful as was your company and I couldn't have asked for better conversation." "It's fine Harry I know you had to get up early for work this morning, I don't know how you do it all." "What do you mean Louis?" "Work, taking care of a home and running after Joey, it's a lot for a two parent home so I can't even imagine what's its like for you." "Mom helps a lot but I'm pretty used to it. I had help back home with Joey after he was born and thank God I did because I really had a hard time processing my husbands death for a while." "And now?" "I"m doing a lot better granted the pain of losing him will never go away but it's getting so it dosen't hurt as much as it did then, or even a year ago." "Do you see anyone for it? Sorry that's none of my business." "No you're fine, I did see a doctor back home but I haven't here yet." "Well if you decide to I can recommend some doctors, some of the ones that work with the guys at the VA hospital." "Thanks I'll let you know, now let me help you clean up here." "No you're good the guys promised to clean it up, let me walk you back to your house ok." "Ok." Louis walks Harry back to the house maybe a little slower than he would normally walk not wanting the date to end either. Standing outside Harry's back door Louis almost loses his nerve before he just goes for it and asks. "Harry can I kiss you good night?" "Yes but I can't guarantee how good it will be I haven't kissed anyone in 5 years and then that person was the only one I had ever kissed." "Harry I think kissings like riding a bike, once you learn how you never forget." "Well if I'm not good at it sorry." "Harry if you're not good and I'm pretty sure you will be, I can always be your practice subject any time day or night." It's not a long kiss it feels strange to Harry not in a bad way, actually it feels good but strange in a way as different then what he was used to. Harry didn't think he would ever kiss anyone other than Joe, didn't ever think he would have a need to because the two of them would always be together. In a perfect world that would have happened but that's not how it turned out. Harry is kissing Louis now and he likes it. He likes it more than he ever thought he could.

March 11th

"Good morning Guys I brought you coffee." "Thanks Harry you didn't have to do that." "It's fine Liam, I was getting mine so I just figure I would get yours and Zayn's too." "Yeah thanks Harry two sugars right?" "Yeah Zayn." "Harry how are you and Louis doing?" "We're doing good Zayn." "Louis said you guy have been on a few dates already." "Yeah we have, and it seems like we're getting along quite nicely I really like him." "That's good we know he likes you a lot too, he talks about you all the time at home." "I hope its good stuff." "Always." "Guys I'm kinda worried about something." "What do you have to be worried about Louis really does like you." "It's not that guys, please don't laugh." "Why would we laugh?" "Well it's true we have been on a few dates but guys the only thing we've done is kissed so far." "Ok and?" "You don't think that weird?" "Why would we think that Harry? I'm sure there's reasons that's the farthest you guys have gone." "I don't want him to get tired of waiting on me to be ready to move past kissing Liam." "Do you want to be intimate with him Harry?" "Yes very much, but I don't know how, well I know how but It's been 5 years since I have been with anyone and that was my husband and he was the only person that I was ever with." "But you want to have sex with him don't you?" "Well yeah Liam but what if, I'm afraid I won't be what he wants." "Harry I don't think you have to worry about him not wanting you, and I'm sure he will wait for you to be ready." "But you don't know that." "No we don't but we have known him long enough to know he' not an asshole when it comes to relationships and what the other person needs." Guys it's just I've spent all these years telling myself I didn't want to move on and there wouldn't be anyone that I could care about as much as I did my husband." "Harry you have every right to be apprehensive about a new relationship, but if you hold back because your afraid of the unknown with Louis your going to make yourself crazy, Louis' a good guy." "I know he's a good guy Liam." "Then take a leap of faith Harry I think you guys will be great together." That leap of faith into the unknown scares Harry more then he thinks possible.

Harry: Louis would you like to come over and spend the night Joey will be gone at moms?
Louis: Harry I would like that a lot, didn't think you would ever ask.
Harry: I'm sorry Louis I know you're tired of waiting on things to happen between us.
Louis: No Harry I'm sorry that's not how I meant it, I just would rather be in the same room talking to you at night then being on the phone all the time. I don't want you to think I would have just come over and spent the night with you just because I was hoping to get laid.
Harry: But aren't you hoping to get laid?
Louis: Harry what we do and when we do it will always be when you're ready.
Harry: Thank you Louis.
Louis: Do you want me to bring anything over Beer or Wine, I can run to the store before I come over?
Harry: No I'm set I have both already.
Louis: What time do you want me to come over?
Harry: At 7 if that's ok?
Louis: Ok I will be there see you later.

Louis digs through his dresser for a shirt to wear to Harry's setting it on his bed with the pair of pants he picked out. Should he pack extra cloths besides the pajama pants that's thrown in a bag on the bed along with his tooth brush, a few condoms, and a new bottle of lube? Louis knows he shouldn't assume just because Harry asked him to spend the night that he was ready for anything that would require condoms, Louis would be fine with it if it didn't happen tonight. Louis would never expect Harry to do something he wasn't comfortable with yet, yes he's not been with anyone in 5 years since his husbands death but everyone moves on at a different rate. The condoms and lube are just in case it did happen tonight, maybe he should have asked Harry before he bought them. He didn't think after 5 years Harry would have any, come to think of it why would he. He was married to the same man for 5 years the only person he was ever with why would they need condoms. Louis couldn't picture being with only one person his whole life, but he wouldn't hold that against Harry because Louis knows lots of people do it. Louis hasn't had a lot of boyfriends, he had his first kiss at 16 from a boy that he thought liked him, it turned out the guy was just using Louis to make his real boyfriend jealous. Louis never really dated in high school after that, he had a hard time trusting that everyone wasn't going to use him too. He could count on one hand the guys he's been with since then, none of them lasted very long none of them felt like they were the one. He dated his last boyfriend Luke for two years before he caught him cheating on him with a girl, that was a year ago. Since then he didn't see the point of it, if he got horny he would just jerk off no drama that way. But now something about Harry felt so different in so many good ways like he might be his forever.

Harry had just finished changing the sheets on his bed after he discovered he had gotten something on the other ones that he assumed was pizza sauce from where he ate while talking to Louis through Facetime a couple nights ago, when his phone rang. "Harry me and Liam are going out tonight do you want to go?" " I can't Zayn I made plans with Louis I asked him to spend the night with me." "Really Harry good for you." "Zayn I got to thinking about what we were talking about earlier about Louis being ok with just the kissing for now, but I think I want more. I can't guarantee what more will be but I know I want to do more then just kissing." "Harry what ever happens tonight just go at your own pace only you know what you're comfortable with, I know Louis will suport what you decide is right and not push you for more then you're ready for." "Zayn thanks for listening to me, I know the last thing you want to talk about is Louis' and mines potential sex life." "Its fine Harry I have to listen to Niall's sex life or lack of all the time at least you're not talking to him about it, he would have asked for pictures." "You really think that Zayn?" "Yes Harry I do that boy needs to get a girlfriend and stop trying to live vicariously through all of us." "Zayn I'm going to have to get off here I still have some stuff to do before Louis gets here I'll take a rain check on going out ok." "I'll hold you to that Harry and have fun tonight, don't do anything I wouldn't do." "So that means I'm getting laid tonight then?" "Quite possibly Harry just go at your pace don't rush it just because you think it's what Louis wants, like I said he's not that kinda person he will wait for you." "Thanks again Zayn and see you at work on Monday have a good weekend." You too Harry bye." "Bye Zayn"

Louis grabbed his bag off the bed turned the light to his room off and headed down the steps to head to Harry's. He stopped in the kitchen before heading out the back door to Harry's house to check Clifford's water and food bowl, he had already asked Niall to walk him so he wouldn't have to worry about that. Stepping off the last step of the deck into the sand he would walk the beach to Harry's house it was convenient that they only lived 7 houses apart it would save them loads of gas money when they wanted to see each other. Walking up onto Harry's deck he could see Harry dancing around the kitchen with his phone in his hand the white wire from the headphones in his ears swinging back and forth. Louis knew he should just knock but he was enjoying the sight in front of him, Harry was swinging his hips to the beat of the music the sway of his hips was so seductive and erotic to Louis so beautiful to watch. The longer he watched the more turned on he got there wasn't anything about Harry that wasn't sexy. Just as Louis decided to knock Harry turned around Louis could see his eyes go wide and hear his scream. Harry rushed to open the door "Fuck Louis you scared the shit out of me don't do that again. Why didn't you knock?" "Sorry Harry I was enjoying the show, and a very good show it was." "Louis you almost gave me a heart attack, I thought you were a Peeping Tom." "Ok Harry I'm sorry but what the fuck is a Peeping Tom?" "You know guys that look in peoples windows." " Oh you mean perverts, I can tell you I'm not a pervert, unless you want me to be one." "Louis!" "Hey I don't know what kinks you have." "Just get in here and don't ever do that again."

Harry had made a light dinner that the two of them set on the couch to eat along with a glass of wine. They talked about their week at work not going into details because of client confidentiality of course. Harry loved his job he couldn't stop saying how he liked helping people have a say in the way their life was handled in the court system. Louis has just as passionate about his job as a physical therapist helping soldiers rebuild their lives after injurys. "Louis I'm glad you came over. I was afraid you were getting tired of waiting for me to invite you to stay the night" "Never Harry I know this isn't something you could just jump into, and I wouldn't have wanted you to. You were with your husband for years and that's not something you just move on from at a set time after the death of a spouse." "I know Louis but you had to be worried that it wasn't going to move passed us just kissing." "Harry I really wasn't I knew that you needed to take your time and I'm willing to wait for you to be ready, If it's tonight I'm fine with it and if it's not tonight I'm just as fine with it. I like you actually I like you a lot so don't worry that you have to do anything before you're ready cause I'm not going anywhere. Just spending the night with you makes me happy, even if I get to do nothing else but hold you when we sleep it will be enough for now." "Thank you Louis but I'm really hoping to get up the nerve to do more than just sleep tonight, It's just been a long time and I've never touched another man like I did my husband so I'm going to be nervous." " I know you will be but we can go as slow as you want tonight no pressure at all I promise." "Thank you Louis do you think you might want to go upstairs with me now and see what might happen?" "Yes Harry just lead the way."

To have a man in his bedroom after this many years was scary even if it was just Louis, Harry never thought he would ever be in this spot again, opening up enough to let himself touch another man and have one touch him. But if he didn't take Louis' hand right now and walk up those steps to his room he might chicken out, doing that would ruin a good relationship and he definitely didn't want that to happen. Harry knew how far he and Louis went tonight was up to him. When Harry opened the door to his room and Louis looked around his eyes scanning from wall to wall Harry waited for him to say something. "Harry this is really nice the carpet looks so soft, and your bed is a King size isn't it?" "The carpet is really soft I had it put in right after I moved in wait till you feel it on your bare feet, Joey says it's probably what walking on clouds feels like, and yes the bed is a King." "I really like it in here It's you Harry, not boring white walls and furniture like my room, but bright colors like a rainbow." "Well I like bright colors and I figured since I was going to spend part of my life in this room I didn't want it to be boring." "Harry this room if far from boring. Where does one order such colorful furniture?" I suppose you could get some on the Internet but this was just plain white when I bought it, Mom and Joey helped me paint it. Before we moved here I sold as much of our stuff as I could so it didn't cost as much to have a moving truck bring the stuff I did keep here. When we got here I just bought new." "Did you drive all the way from Ohio?" "No we flew here, I don't think Joey would have lasted that long in a car." "Probably not."

"Louis I don't know how you sleep I sleep in my boxers, before Joey came along I always slept naked but when he got old enough to get out of his bed and come to my room I started sleeping in my underwear but since he's with Mom it's up to you how you want to sleep." "Boxers is fine for me too Harry." "Louis I'm going to run down and get us a couple beers first, I want to do something first when I get back before we get ready for bed ok so don't change yet." "Ok hurry back." Harry makes his way to the kitchen to get the beers for him and Louis he has to walk through the front room past the fireplace where Joe's picture sets on the mantle he can't pass it without stopping, he runs his fingers across the top of the frame. "Joe you know this with Louis won't change how I feel about you, I will always love you, for five years I've pushed people away not letting anyone close to my heart because I didn't think I could ever feel again after you died. I know when we talked before you left you told me if you didn't come home you didn't want me to be alone. I cried because I was so mad at you for leaving me alone, I had to live without you it nearly killed me when I lost you, that's why I made the promise when I picked up your ashes that I would never let anyone close enough to cause that much pain again. I don't want you mad because I'm breaking that promise now, But Joe meeting Louis made me want to live again, he makes me happy. I don't know what will happen down the line for him and me but I want to try, I was so lonely before I met him, yes I know it was of my own doing, but Joe I'm not lonely now so all I ask is please forgive me for having feelings for Louis because I really like him and I think if I let myself I could fall in love with him."

When Harry walks back into his room Louis is laying on his bed with his eyes closed, did he get bored and fall asleep when he was waiting on Harry to bring their beers back? Harry stood in the doorway watching Louis' chest rise and fall as he breaths, God Louis is beautiful laying in Harry's bed he could see that sight every day and never get tired of it, but he feels bad because while he was standing there talking to his dead husbands picture Louis was patiently waiting on Harry to come back and spend time with him. "Harry?" "Shit Louis I thought you were asleep." "No but I was a little worried you got lost." Louis opened his eyes and set up on Harry's bed, "Sorry Louis I got a little sidetracked." "Wow I bored you so much already that you forgot I was up here?" "No never I was just making peace with the past." "What does that mean Harry?" "It was something I had to do before we did any of this." "Harry is everything ok? We don't have to do anything if you're not ready I can go home." "No Louis everything is fine I want you here tonight I want to do this with you I promise there's nothing wrong." How could Harry tell Louis that he was talking to Joe's picture pretty much asking his dead husband for his blessing to be with Louis. Louis slid over on the bed until he was at the edge and set up he motioned for Harry to set beside him. "Harry I know this is a lot to think about and I don't want to see you worry, just to be here with you tonight is more than I could have ever hoped for when I met you." It was more than he imagined the night he first saw Harry on the beach. Harry's sad eyes that night told Louis that this mans heart was breaking, he never wanted more that night then to make a strangers pain go away. Louis saw pain everyday at work physical pain wasn't the only pain the men as well as women he worked with faced everyday of their life. Unlike the people Louis worked with Harry haden't lost a part of his body he had lost part of his heart. For 5 years Harry was living that hurt everyday, if Louis could do even a little to help Harry's heart mend he was damn well going to try, even if things didn't work out between them as a couple. Louis wouldn't walk out of Harry and Joey's life, even just being friends with Harry was inportant to Louis even if that's all he ever got to be. Louis hoped that the two of then would stay together because his heart was feeling more for Harry and his son then he had ever felt before for anyone besides his own family, Louis was quite possibly already in love with Harry.

"Louis I wish you wouldn't worry so much about me wanting to do this tonight, if I wasn't ready to get intimate with you I wouldn't have asked you to come and stay the night. I would have had you just come over and watch a movie and then called it a night, but I didn't." Harry wants Louis to understand that he's ready for their relationship to go to the next level. Their kissing had started out slowly so that Harry could get used to kissing Louis, it was new, odd in a way but not a bad odd just something different and unexpected in the way it made Harry feel. When you have only kissed one person in your life kissing someone new can be a little overwhelming. Louis had insisted they take their kissing slow as not to overwhelm Harry and scare him away. The last few times they had been together the goodnight kisses had become more passionate and deep. There was a hunger there now that Harry hadn't felt in years and he was wanting more, he wanted to touch Louis and do so much more than kiss. "Louis can I touch you?" "Yes baby you don't have to ask, I want you to know it will always be ok for you to touch me." Harry was a big believer in asking for someones consent before touching them, so even though Louis said it was ok he would still always ask. "I want to take your shirt off if that's ok, I have been having dreams of what you look like without your cloths and I want to see if it's as good as my dreams. I know I've seen you without a shirt the day of the Volleyball game and those little red shorts you wore that day made me glad mine were loose fit because by the time I made it in the shower that night I had to jerk off, and I wondered the whole time what your ass looked like under those shorts." "So you"re saying you have been jerking off while thinking about my ass, Harry I'm not just another pretty ass you do know that." " I know that Louis I haven't seen your ass but I'm sure its as beautiful as the rest of you." Louis faces blushes a light shade of red. he not used to having a hot guy talk about how beautiful they think his ass looks. Harry stood up from where they were setting on the bed and moved to stand in front of Louis. "Harry please." "What do you want Louis?" 'Harry I want you to touch me, I want to feel your hands moving over my body." Touching Louis like this was something Harry had been thinking almost non stop since he had met Louis again clear back in February the night of his birthday at Niall's place. He really doesn't know why he waited this long now that he had Louis right in front of him just inches away all he can think of is how much he wants this, wants their bodys touching, he wants to taste every part of Louis not just the taste of his kisses but the taste of his neck when he sweats the salt from his skin when he licks it. Harry desperately wants the warm taste of Louis' cock in his mouth to taste his cum even the taste of Louis' ass, he wants it all.

"Louis can I take your shirt off?" Louis raises his arms so that Harry can bring the shirt up over his head Harry tosses it on the floor beside the bed "My pants too Harry please." as Louis raises his ass up slightly off the bed so that Harry can push the jeans down past his thighs and over his feet discarding them on top for Louis' shirt. Louis is left setting on the edge of Harry's bed in a pair of Black boxers. Harry can see the bulge already formed in the front of Louis' boxers and a small wet spot in the fabric."Louis can I touch you ?" "Yes Harry please." Harry runs his hands down Louis chest brushing lightly over Louis' nipples they harden from the touch. Harry is bitting his bottom lip to stop himself from lowering his head to suck at Louis' nipples, he knows he has all night to for that. What he wants right now is to feel Louis' cock in his hand to see it and to taste it. Harry has this beautiful man in front of him and the desire to touch, taste and learn everything there is to know about Louis is maddening, he doesn't want to let Louis go not tonight, not ever if he has any say in it. "Can I take these off?" motioning to Louis' boxers. Louis shakes his head and raises his hips up off the bed again Harry hooks his fingers into the band, his eyes still on the bulge and the ever growing wet spot. Harry pushes the boxer down letting Louis' erection free. "Fuck Louis in all my dreams of you and the jerking off I never imagined that your cock was so thick it's amazing. I can't wait to taste you." Harry it's here for you if this is really what you want." "Louis it is what I want I'm sure of it." Harry sinks to his knees in front of Louis he licks his bottom lip. Harry rubs his hands over Louis' thighs planting soft kisses back and forth from one to the other all the way to Louis' knees and back up. Louis reaches his hand to Harry's head he wants to run his finger through his soft curls while he watches this beautiful man before him taking his cock down. Harry rubs his thumb slowly across the wet slit in the head of Louis' cock the pre-cum already making it glisten, Harry dosen't hesitate when his tongue touches the soft skin of Louis' erection Louis lets a soft moan escape from the back of his throat. "Harry I want your mouth on me now, I want to feel your warm lips tight around me, see you take me all the way down. I want you to taste me." And Harry does just that opening his mouth he takes Louis' cock in and closes his lips around them, he moves his tongue across the slit tasting the pre-cum it has a mild salty taste, the taste of cum has always been one of Harry's favorite tastes from the first time he ever gave a blowjob until now. Harry didn't ever think that was going to change either. "Oh Fuck Harry you feel so good I don't know how long I'm going to last if you keep doing that." Harry looks up at Louis the corners of his mouth in a smile. "Baby don't hold back I want all of you." Harry closes his mouth around Louis again this time tighter than before, he sucks on the head of his cock a couple of times before in one quick move he takes Louis all the way down. With a moan Louis bucks his hips up to meet Harry's mouth this causes Harry's eyes to tear up and he starts to gag. Louis pulls Harry's head up and off of him,"Fuck Harry I'm sorry Jesus it just felt so good I'm so close to coming." "Good now let me get back to sucking you off Lou I'm not going to wait all night to taste you." "Ok" As soon as Harry takes his cock back in his mouth Louis knows Harry is going to get his wish soon, cause he knows all it will take is a few more movements of Harry's mouth and Louis will be shooting into the back of Harry's throat. He's right on the third downstroke of Harry's mouth he can feel the tightness in his balls and the tingle and warmth in his belly. "Fuck Harry I'm going to come I can't stop it Fuck Fuck I'm coming Harrrrrrrry." Louis grabs the sides of Harry's head and bucks his hips up pushing deeper he needs to fuck Harry's mouth faster he wants Harry to take him all of him. All of a sudden he stops and his body starts shaking as he comes down Harry's throat with a loud moan. "Fuck Fuck Jesus Christ Harry that felt so good why the hell did we wait so long to do that?" "Sorry Lou If I knew you tasted that good we would have been doing that from the start." "Harry if you get up here on the bed I will take care of you now." "I'm good." "Come on I want to taste you now." I'm good Lou I promise." Harry shifts to stand up and Louis' eyes fall on a very large wet spot on the front of Harry's gray sweats Harry's face blushes a shade of Pink that he can't hide. "Harry you were able to get off just by sucking me, shit how?" "Sorry Lou it has been 5 years since I've given a blowjob I couldn't help it." "No no Harry it's good don't be sorry it felt so good don't ever say your sorry when I comes to things we do sex wise, except if you break my dick that might call for a sorry, and a lot of kisses." "Louis I most definitely would kiss your broken dick." "Harry I meant kiss me not my dick." "Oops my bad."

March 12th
When Louis wakes up the next morning the spot where Harry fell asleep is empty, the memory of Harry's mouth still fresh in his mind, Louis thinks that might have been the best head he's ever gotten. Louis hears water running in the bathroom Harry must have gotten in the shower or Louis thinks maybe he's brushing his teeth until he hears Harry singing so it has to be the shower, because it's really hard to sing with a tooth brush in your mouth. Louis knows because he once watched Niall try to sing some Irish folklore song while brushing his teeth that to this day Louis still has no ideal what the fuck he was even singing. Louis stays in bed watching the door until it opens and Harry walks out with a heavy white towel wraped around his waist and another in his hand drying his hair. "Hi Harry." "Hi Louis I thought you were still asleep, I didn't wake you did I ?" "No I just woke up on my own, I was just laying here listening to you singing, you have a very nice voice." "No I don't I sound like shit." "No Harry you really don't have you ever thought about becoming a singer." "No never all I have ever wanted to be is a Lawyer from the time I was probably 10, singing in the shower or to Joey is is about the only singing I get done now days. I used to do Karaoke all the time when Joe and I first got together, I don't think I was any good even though a lot of people said I was." "Well from what I heard from the shower maybe it's time for you to try the Karaoke again, maybe we could make a date of it. Invite Niall, Zayn, Liam and those twos girlfriends." "Well I will think about it but you probably shouldn't hold your breath." "Harry you take my breath away as it is just from being you." "Boy Louis you're a smooth talker aren't you?" "Well how much smooth talking do I have to do to get you to come back to bed, I really need kisses right now, and you lips are looking really kissable from here," "Baby all you have to do is tell me what you want." "Harry get your ass over here now I need kisses." Harry smirks and just lets the towel from around his waist drop to the floor and leaps on the bed and startes plastering kisses all over Louis' face. "Now that's what I'm talking about Harry." That's the only words Louis gets out of his mouth before Harry shushes him and smashes his lips to Louis' taking his words and his breath away at the same time.

April 1 2022 8:30am

Louis: Harry has Joey gotten you with any April fools jokes yet?
Harry: Lous whst aa yooi taken abut
Louis: Harry are you ok?
Harry: I iiiiiiisss okkdoky
Louis: What the hell is wrong with you you're scaring me?
Louis: Harry?
Louis: Harry answer me.
Louis: ?
Louis: Why are you not answering me?
Harry: I dult leav loone
Louis: Harry are you drunk?
Harry: popsibile
Louis: You"re drunk why are you drinking at 830 in the morning?
Harry: hee gon
Louis: Harry who's gone, where's Joey?
Harry: gon
Louis: What the fuck Harry where's Joey tell me right now, what have you done?
Louis: Harry?
Louis has no ideal why Harry is drinking at 8:30 in the morning , because he's never seen Harry even anywhere close to tipsy, he knew he didn't drink much because of Joey. Harry once said he never wanted to be in a state where he'd drank to much that he wouldn't be able to take care of his son. So why now and why on a work day? All Louis can think to do since Harry's not even answering his text now is to call Harry's mom Anne, he has no ideal if she's at work or home. He dials her number and she picks up on the third ring. "Hello." "Hi Anne it's Louis I hate to bother you but somethings wrong with Harry I texted him earlier and he's drunk, would Joey happen to be with you?" "Yes he stayed last night why?" I was just checking when I texted Harry and ask him where Joey was he just texted back gone, so I was making sure Joey was ok before I went over there to check on Harry to see if he's ok, He was texting back most of what was jibberish, but now he's even stopped doing that and he won't answer my calls." "Louis please go you're just down the beach from him and you can get there faster than me and Joeys still sleeping and I don't want to wake him up and have him upset about his dad, call me when you get there and know something please." "I will." Louis slips on his shoes and takes off out his back door and down the steps missing the last step to take off in a full run towards Harry's house. When Louis gets there he trys the door its locked he knocks Harry dosen't answer. The blinds on the slidding door are closed so he can't see in Louis knocks again still Harry doesn't answer. Louis makes his way back down the steps to the side of the house, he knows there is a window there that looks into Harry's front room it's a little bit above his head so he can't look straight into the window, he has to jump and grab onto the edge to pull himself up just enough to see in. Louis sees Harry setting on the floor of his front room slumped over in what Louis can only discribe as utter chaos, broken furniture, papers everywhere pictures ripped from the walls the glass shattered.

"What the Fuck did you do Harry?" Louis screams when he drops back down to the ground under the window, he fishes his phone from his pocket and dials Harry's mom back. "I'm here Anne I can't get in the door is locked and I boosted myself up to that window on the side of Harry's house he's in there on the floor. Anne his front room is trashed, he looks like he's passed out but I don't know I need to get in there now." "Louis calm down go up on the deck there's a flower pot with a fake sunflower in it , under it there is a key." "Ok." Louis does as he's told picking up the flower pot and grabbing the key, he tries to unlock the door his hands are shaking it take him a couple tries to get the key in the lock he rushes to Harrys side there's glass everywhere. Louis checks for a pulse it's strong he checks him all over for blood to make sure he hadn't gotten cut or worse tried to take his own life. Louis is relived when he finds no blood. Laying beside Harry is at least 6 empty beer bottles that Louis can see, and a almost empty very large bottle of Jack Daniels. Louis shakes Harry, "Harry you need to wake up, talk to me." Harry begins to mutter incoherently low words that Louis trys hard to understand, nothing coming out of his mouth is making any since. Louis trys to get Harry to set up but he's dead weight in Louis' arms. "Harry please you have to wake up come on please do it for me. Louis starts to shake Harry harder he can't let him fall asleep he has to keep him awake. "Harry I'm going to get you some water you need to drink some water." Before Louis can moved to go get the water he sees Harry turn his head slightly to look at him his eyes barely open he opens his mouth like he's getting ready to say something but nothing comes out. "Harry what talk to me you need to stay awake." "STOP."comes out Of Harry's mouth so loud Louis jumps back. "Harry what the fuck I"m just trying to help you." Harry now has a very angry look on his face Louis has never seen Harry angry, he's looking at Louis like he's that last person Harry wants to see right now. Maybe he is but Louis dosen't know why. "I'm just trying to help you why are you drinking what happend?" "He's gone." "Who's gone are you talking about Joey? He's at your moms remember." "GET OUT." "Harry please I'm trying to help you." I SAID GET OUT LOUIS." "Harry I just." Harry cuts him off before he can say anything else. "I SAID GO I DON"T WANT TO SEE YOU." Louis walks backwards towards the door, all of a sudden he see Harry pull a picture from his lap that Louis didn't even see there before and throws it against the wall Louis doesn't hear the glass shatter when Louis looks over at it he can tell now he didn't hear the glass because there was no longer any glass in it when Harry threw it. Louis looked from the picture to the mantel and back the picture laying on the floor is the picture of Harry's husband Joe Louis haden't realized it wasn't still there. "Harry." "LOUIS GET THE FUCK OUT." "Harry can I call anyone for you?" "Zayn" "OK I will call him I'm sorry Harry." Louis walks out the door of Harry's house and brings his phone to his ear. "Zayn Harry needs you." "Can't you help him Louis?" "He told me to leave he doesn't want me here." "What the Hell happend?" "I don't know Zayn just please come now." "OK and Louis I'm sorry I know you really care about him." "Zayn I love Harry." The last thing Zayn hears before Louis hangs up is Louis starting to sob.

April 22nd
It's been three weeks since Harry told Louis to leave, and Louis is still no closer to knowing why Harry was so angry or what he did to make him angry. All his phone calls to Harry go unanswered or it rings until it goes to voicemail. Louis text messages to Harry show that they haven't even been read. Louis is beside himself with worry, he thought they were getting along great he was on the verge of telling Harry that he loved him, and now nothing. Louis asked Zayn and Liam to talk to Harry to ask him if he would let Louis just come and talk. Zayn came back with just a sorry when he told Louis that Harry refused. Even though Harry wouldn't talk to him it didn't stop him from asking the guys how he was doing at work, by the second week of him asking every day Liam informed him that Harry was no longer coming to work and he had taken family medical leave with no set time for coming back to work. Louis knows if he can just talk to Harry he would change his mind and they could go back to the way things were he just need the chance. Louis decided he would talk to Harry's mom when he saw her in the hallway at work. "Anne." "Hello Louis how are you doing?" "Not good can you tell me how Harry is?" "I'm sorry about what happened with the two of you I know Harry really liked you but I can't say anything he asked me not to." "Anne there's got to be something I can do to get him to listen to me I'm lost without him he and Joey are my world." "Louis I really am sorry I know you really liked my son but I don't think he was as ready to move on after Joe died as he thought he was." "Anne we talked about it he swore he was ready I would never push him to be with me if he wasn't ready." "Louis I think he thought he was until the first when he was faced with another one of Joe's birthdays." "What?" "Louis the first of April was Joes birthday, didn't you know that?" "No Anna I didn't why didn't he say anything Christ and I was making jokes about it being April fools day, I need to fix this." "Louis I don't think you can he's talking about taking Joey and moving back to Ohio, I'll miss him and my grandson but I think right now it's what's best for them." "No Anne they can't leave I can't let him leave until I tell him." "Tell him what Louis?" "That I'm in love with him Anne, I'm in love with your son you have to help me stop him from leaving"

"Joey please pick up these blocks I'm tired of telling you all the time, if I have to keep telling you I'm going to throw them away." "Harry you're not going to throw those blocks away I bought them for him, stop telling him that." "Mom don't tell me what I can say to my child mind you own business." "Harry I"m your mother don't talk to me like that, Just because you're mad doesn't give you the right to talk to me like that." "It's your fault I'm mad so if you don't like it you can leave." "Harry how is it my fault that you got drunk and trashed your front room?" "Mom you fucking know me trashing my stuff has nothing to do with me being drunk." "Ok then why Harry is any of this my fault?" "Because you're the one that made me go out on my birthday, I wanted to stay here and just eat my fucking cake with Joey and you wouldn't shut up until I went out." "And you had fun you talked to Louis didn't you? You two went on dates you were getting along just great then you pull this and push him away why?" "Because Mom he's not Joe." "No Harry he's not Joe but when are you going to stop punishing Louis because he's not Joe?" "How do you figure I'm punishing him?" "Harry you pushed him away and you're refusing to even talk to him and tell him why, he's beating himself up because he thinks he did something wrong." "Mom he's not Joe and that's all there is to it." "Harry your're going to end up a lonely old man and you'll have no one to blame but yourself." "Please just leave Mom I'm done talking about this."

"Louis I"m going to have to cut you off you've had enough to drink tonight." "No Niall just a couple more please." "Louis no I can't in good conscience as your friend and the owner of this bar serve you any more alcohol." "Please Niall." "No now you can either wait here until closing for me to take you home, or I can call you a cab because I'm not letting you drive but you're not getting anything else to drink unless it's water or a soda." "Niall I hate you." "No you don't now here drink this water." "Yes Mom." " Now set there and be a good boy Louis." "Eww stop talking like that that's creepy." "You're telling me that you and Harry don't talk to each other like that?" "Niall Harry and I don't talk anymore remember and even when we did we didn't talk like that, that's just some Daddy kink shit and I'm not into that stuff." "Yeah right Louis." "Shut the fuck up Niall that's just gross." "Louis you really haven't heard from Harry?" "No Niall he won't answer his phone when I call it either just rings or gets sent straight to voicemail, he's left all my text on unread." "Louis Zayn told me Harry wasn't coming to work anymore, something about a family medical leave and they didn't know when he was coming back or if he even was." "I know his mom told me and she also said he was thinking about taking Joey and moving back to Ohio." "Christ Louis what did you do to him?" "Niall I didn't do anything that I know of, one day we're talking and the next he's telling me to get away from him, and since he won't see me or speak to me I don't know what it was or if I can fix it." "Give it time Louis he'll come around you'll see." "But Niall if he's moving back to Ohio I don't have time." "Then have you considered that you guys just weren't meant to be and what you had has just run it's course and it's time to move on?" "Niall I don't want to move on I love him." "Oh shit the all mighty loner Louis Tomlinson is in love didn't think I would ever see this day." " Me either Niall so there's no way I can move on when I'm this far gone for Harry."

April 24th

"Mom can you come over and watch Joey for a few he's taking a nap and I need to run to the hardware store and I don't want to wake him up." "Are you still mad at me?" "No Mom and I'm really sorry I had no right talking to you like that and taking my frustration out on you, I just have so much on my mind and I lashed out and I was wrong." "Harry you know I'm here if you ever need to talk." "Yes Mom thank you but right now I just need you to set with Joey so I can go get some glue to fix the coffee table and a new frame for Joe's picture." "Ok I'll be there shortly Harry." "Thanks Mom I love you." "I love you too Harry." After Harry gets back from the hardware store he gets to work on fixing the coffee table that he had broken the night of his drunken breakdown, he could buy a new on but this one was one of the first pieces of furniture that him and Joe had boughten after they had gotten married and Harry couldn't part with it for any reason. Harry had asked his mom to stay for dinner in hopes of making up for how he treated her before, he knew she was just trying to help. Harry didn't know if anything would help him stop missing Joe, he thought Louis was doing that until the day of Joe's birthday when Harry found one of Joe's old football jerseys in a box in the back of the closet at that moment all the hurt Harry had tried to move past came back like a freight train to his heart. Harry missed Louis he really did but he couldn't face losing someone else he loved, it was better to push Louis away before Louis fell to hard and got hurt more. Harry made his way out to the table on the deck to start on replacing the frame on Joe's picture. the sun was just starting to set. Harry though back to the night he met Louis and how beautiful the sunset was that night. How all the other sunsets the two of them had watched just as beautiful as they set in that very same spot on that outcrop of rock that Harry had first laid eyes on Louis. When Harry removed the cardboard backing on Joe's picture a small white envelope with Harry's name on it fell out and landed on the table. Turning it over in his hand Harry saw written in small letters on the bottom open if I don't return to you, it was Joe's handwriting. Harry got up and went to the door,"Mom can you keep an eye on Joey I'm going down to the beach for a few ok?" 'Sure just don't be gone long dinner is almost done." "I won't." Harry had to be alone to read Joe's letter in case he broke down again he didn't want his mom or Joey seeing him, it was bad enough knowing Louis had seen it the last time. The hurt on Louis' face when Harry told him to leave, still hurts Harry everyday. Harry trys to stop his hands from shaking as he opens the flap inside is a letter written on pink paper, Harry absolutely loves the color Pink.

To My Dearest Harry
I start this letter out with the word sorry, because I never wanted to hurt you. But if you are reading this letter then I know that I have. I know it was our plan to be together forever, but because you are reading this then my forever wasn't quite as long as I had hoped for. I don't know how long it has taken you to find this letter, but because you did I know I never made it home to you and Joey. Harry I know I promised the two of you that I would make it home. Now that you are reading this that promise was a promise I couldn't keep, and that Harry is something I'm truly sorry for. You know that I wouldn't have stopped at anything to make it back to the two of you. Neither you nor I could have seen how this ended. Harry I want you to know that I know I took my last breath on this earth still loving the two of you. I know you hated me being here, but it was something my heart believed in to defend my country was my honor. Now Harry darling I know when I wrote this letter I wouldn't know how long it would take you to find it, but now that you have that too I am sorry for because I know that you are hurting enough to smash my picture. With all the hurt and anger that you are feeling right now , I hope you have someone that will hold you when you cry, someone that won't let you give up when you feel like your heart will never stop hurting. Harry please don't close your heart to love again. I want you to meet someone new, someone that makes you see that living and loving again after I'm gone is not a betrayal of our love. Harry please let yourself be happy again, let someone else in so that they too can see the beauty, kindness and love that I got to see and experience while you my angel loved me. Harry please show Joey that one is able to love again after such great loss, and that one's heart doesn't need to stop searching for happiness after the lost of a loved one. Harry my love for you and Joey is eternal.

You and Joey
are the greatest loves of my life
Love always Joe

P. S. Now go out and be someone else's
hot husband

Harry rereads the letter again he misses Joe so much but Louis is the love that Harry has been searching for and he knows it now.
Harry: Mom can you watch Joey a little bit longer I have to go see Louis I have to tell him I'm sorry and that I love him.
Anne: I"m happy for the two of you now go get your man.

Harry runs down the beach and bounds up onto the deck and starts pounding on the sliding door, the face that comes to the door isn't Louis but Niall "Please open up Niall I have to see Louis." Niall opens the door for Harry, "Long time no see Harry Louis is upstairs I'll get him for you." Harry paces back and forth hoping Louis will forgive him but he can't blame him if he doesn't it was Harry that fucked up not Louis. "Harry what's wrong did something happen to Joey?" 'No Louis he's fine." "Then why are you here Harry? I thought you didn't ever want to see me again." "Louis I'm sorry please forgive me" "Why should I Harry what you did hurt me I didn't know what I did for you to push me away." " It wasn't you Louis I was scared." "Scared of what Harry?" "Scared of how much I was in love with you, and I was afraid something would happen to you and I couldn't lose someone else I loved, I had already lost my dad when he left my mom when I was little then I lost my step dad Robin when he passed away then Joe I was afraid to lose you too so I pushed you away I thought I was protecting my heart but I was just making myself and Joey miserable will you forgive me and take us back?" "Well I think I heard the love word there somewhere in that speech, I wouldn't mind hearing that again." "Louis you're an ass but you're my ass ." "There you go talking about my ass again Styles, didn't I tell you I'm more then a pretty ass." "Shut up Louis I love you now are you happy?" "Yes Harry I am but you know what?" "What Louis?" "I love you too."

January 15th 2023

"Why did you have to have this bloody wedding on the beach I'm so sick of sand?" "Niall you live right on the beach, you moved here because of the sand and now you're bitching about it, and anyway we are having it here because it's what Harry wanted." "Still I hate sand." "Well then just go home I'm sure Liam or Zayn would be happy to step in and be my best man along with Clifford. Just stay out of my room because if you can't be here you're not watching it from my room." "It's not your room anymore." "Well it is until I marry Harry so stay the fuck out of it." "What crawled up your ass today Louis? Oh fuck never mind I don't want to know." "Don't knock until you try it Niall." "Fuck no stop that's just gross.""Are you staying here and standing up for me today if not, I can ask one of the other guys?" "You better not I'm your best friend Louis" "Then act like it." After Louis got Naill to stop about the sand, who even moves to the beach then bitches about the sand? Louis checked in with Anne "Is everything in its place Louis?" "No Anne I see something is missing it has to be here, I'll be right back." "Louis we are about to start." "I know but this has to be here." Louis makes a bee line for Harry's house and grabs the item that has to be on the table with the Unity candles that Harry, Joey, and Louis will light to become a family. The music starts as Harry begins to walk down the aisle with Joey beside him as his best man. When Harry gets to the front beside Louis he mouths the words thank you and I love you because there on the table with the Unity candles is the picture of Joe. Louis knew in his heart that the picture had to be there because it was his letter that brought the two of them back together and he would be eternally grateful for that. " Harry, Louis are you ready to begin?" "Yes father."' Hold on I have something for you Harry." "Mom couldn't it wait?" "No Harry it can't." Anne walks to the front of the aisle and hands Harry a small Pink envelope with his name on it, Harry turns it over and in small letters in Joes handwriting it says to be opened on your wedding day.
Harry hands shake trying to open it as much as he did with Joe's last letter. Inside is a letter on Pink paper.

To My Dearest Harry
Yes another letter, oh just in case you didn't find the first one yet it's behind my picture, but if I know you, you have. Harry I hope that letter brought you comfort and let you know that I am ok with you loving someone else. I would have hated if you had giving up after I was gone.Well enough about that letter now on to this one. First thank your Mom for keeping it for me until you needed it. Second I want you to know how happy I am that you're standing before God and your family and getting married again. I'm pretty sure you gave him so many reasons to run away from you. But if he's marrying you today he didn't let any of those reasons stop him from loving you. I want you to know I hope that the two of you have many years ahead of you, and that the love you have for each other continues to grow through the coming years. well enough of that because you're getting married and the honeymoon awaits. Please give Joey a kiss and tell him I love him. And Harry tell that new husband if he ever hurts you or breaks your heart I will come back and haunt him

My Eternal love
Joe

Harry shows the last part of the letter to Louis and Louis laughs "That's never going to happen I will Love you until the end of time." Louis knows Harry will let him read the rest of the letter later just like he did the last one, he also knows it will go into the black box on the mantel with the picture and the folded flag, until the end of their time.