Chapter Text
The day had turned grey when Lewis dragged the door open.
The sky was brushed over with clouds. Over the balcony, dozens of sailboats floated above the water. The cool breeze blew into Lewis, his freshly trimmed hair danced with the air, which made him pull his shirt collar slightly upwards. Today is Tuesday, one of the few off days for him before the final race of the season. Toto had given him the usual pep-talk after the last race, nothing more except encouraging him to just do his usual best, we always trust you and this and that.
Lewis bit the tip of his tongue, it didn’t hurt a bit to know that there’s always George, really. There were another five names before his own in the championship standing, he also hated the car this year, along with the amount of spotlight focused on the younger drivers—All he wanted was to put in some great laps and prayed the season to finish soon.
He sat down on the couch on the balcony, with Roscoe sprawled to his right with dazed eyes. Lewis checked his messages, then clicked on Instagram and started to scroll through his feeds—professional photoshoots, picture-perfect perfection……nothing more and less.
It wasn’t until he refreshed the page that a familiar face popped up.
It’s Sebastian, with his long messy blond curls, smiling in front of a green background. Under his photo were a few lines of bold letters in white:
BREAKING
Sebastian Vettel has announced his retirement from F1 at the end of 2022.
Lewis gripped his phone tightly, fingertips pale. He remained in the same sitting position for a long while until Roscoe began to bump his head into Lewis’s elbow. He snapped back from realisation and took his eyes off the screen.
This is the third year since he and Sebastian’s breakup.
Just a few weeks ago, Daniel came over to his place for a few drinks (which taught Lewis a lesson, don’t trust the Aussie when he said it’s just for a ‘few’). Lewis slumped over the coffee table and complained, about how Sebastian acted so well and nice to him in front of people and cameras but avoided absolutely every single chance for any interactions when they were alone. Of course, Dan leaned on the sofa and called him an idiot for still hanging on his ex.
Lewis counted the days they’d been in a relationship, which is now shorter than the days they’d been apart. Then, again, of course, Daniel slapped Lewis’s hand and told him off, ‘No one should get stuck in a one-to-one relationship’ and stared at Lewis with his honey-brown eyes. Lewis pouted, he’s nothing like Daniel, Sebastian to him is so different if to compare with Max to Daniel. Speak of which—Lewis grabbed the cushion laid on the floor, and threw it right into Daniel’s face.
“For someone who can’t even sort out their relationship with their fuck buddy, you sure know how to educate me!” said Lewis loudly.
They each opened another can of beer, feeling their twenties again.
Fun times, he thought. Lewis tapped on the armrest and tilted his head back. With the finale coming right up, he knew better than to not think of Sebastian anymore. The more important thing at the moment was to take the most out of his recharge day.
He shut his eyes, and let the breeze brushed over his face.
Lewis woke up in the late afternoon.
His mind was all dizzy and heavy and he still hadn’t regained all his consciousness. Then, his phone rang abruptly, sounding too harsh for his ears. Lewis rubbed the back of his neck, he frowned as he searched for his phone. Eventually, he bent down and picked it up from the floor.
“Lewis Hamilton,” Lewis said, pressing his palm to his forehead. His head is yet spinning with aches, maybe I am old now, he thought.
Angela’s concerned voice came through from the other end of the line. “Lewis! Thank God you picked up. I called earlier but no one answered. Are you okay?”
“Yeah, all good Angie, fell asleep on the couch.” Lewis paused for a moment. “I won’t disappear in the air, what’s up?”
“Lewis,” she took a deep breath in, “I’m really sorry about Sebastian.”
Lewis shifted uncomfortably on the soft cushion and sat himself up straight. He had never talked much about Seb with Angela. Angela is one of the few people he could open up to, but it’s rare for his love life to be in their conversations. She knew the existence of his and Sebastian’s relationship, but she never asked anything unless Lewis brought it up. There had been a few times when Lewis was so close to pouring everything out. He hated to admit that he was still not over his ex, however, three years after they ended the relationship, he was yet to know the reason why Sebastian broke up with him. Please, this is just ridiculous.
Anyways, Angela knew the boundary almost too well. She knew when to subtly changed the subject if Lewis stumbled over his own words. This is one of the reasons why he knew he could trust her. Similar to most people who grew up in this sport, cruelty and unsympathetic coldness followed him everywhere like a ghost, and sliced a part of himself in trusting people every year. So, few people understood him, Sebastian being one of them. However, as the days passed by, the German learned to be honest and accepting, but Lewis had not.
Lewis pulled himself out of tangled thoughts and cleared his throat. “Nothing to be sorry about, people kind of guessed his retirement anyways.”
For a while, nothing came through from the other end. All Lewis could hear was his own breaths, and the familiar roars of engines across the street of Monte Carlo almost every night. They came closer and closer to his ear and gone with the wind. Then another stream of roars arrived, one after another, one after another. Sometimes he thought they were like fishes in the sea that were washed to the shore by waves, most would just stay there and never made it back to the water.
Angela seemed to be holding her breath, a terrible feeling raised in Lewis’s chest.
Suddenly, the rain poured down, forming a giant curtain in the blink of an eye. Raindrops landed on the roof and bounced to his skin. The horning of the cars and the rhythm of the falling rain gradually replaced the sound of his breathing.
“Have you not seen the news?” Angela asked carefully.
Lewis moved his phone from his ear and swiped the calling page away. Little red dots popped up on almost all of his communication apps, next to missed calls that screamed at him through the screen. He checked, and even Daniel called him three times in a row.
Then, he went to check Twitter with a feeling of unease. A photo of Sebastian showed up.
An unexpected bomb attack had happened on a train travelling from Visp to Zermatt in Switzerland. After careful checks with various sources, we have confirmed Formula 1 driver Sebastian Vettel was on the train when the explosion happened. Unfortunately, the well-respected 4-times world champion had lost his life.
May he rest in peace.
Lewis fixed his gaze between the lines.
He didn’t feel like he could hear the noise of the engine and the sound of the rainfall anymore, they all seemed to fade, and only his increasingly heavy breathing remained clear to his ears. The damp air clung to his skin, and a drop of water slipped under the roof and bounced onto his hoodie, leaving an obvious mark on his clothes.
“No,” he said in a strange calm manner, as he tried to suppress the urge to sharpen his breathing.
Angela sighed. “Lewis, you know I’m here to talk as long as you want to. I’m really sorry that he…”
He interrupted her. “No, they need to check again. He would never go back to Zermatt, there’s nowhere in the world he hates better than there. And no, I don’t want to talk about it. Thanks for calling Angie.” Lewis hung up in a panic.
He looked at the tweet again, they had attached a photo of Sebastian, who’s smiling under the warm sunshine.
Lewis raised his head and looked up. In front of him, there’s a photograph of himself placed on the shelf. Time left marks on the wooden photo frame, and the dark wood was covered with little scratches. Inside the photo, is a younger him wearing a black beanie, smiling happily with curved eyes while gazing into something far away. He was leaning forward against the failing, surrounded by snow.
Lewis sat where he was for a long time until all the lights in the city came on.
【Zermatt, 2010】
“Wooooooah!”
Lewis shouted into the distance. He braced his hands on the railing as the cold air blew across his cheeks, and snowflakes fell on his shoulders.
This is the first time he hangs out with Seb during the break. A few days after the race in Abu Dhabi, the German texted him asking if he was up for a holiday retreat in Switzerland. Not going to lie, Lewis was slightly surprised to receive the message.
It’s not their first season racing together, but press conferences and the occasional podium celebrations weren’t enough for them to call each other friends. However when thought about Sebastian Vettel, the new youngest world champion (someone broke his record), his big smiles and the cloud-like blond curls—Lewis figured no one would be able to turn down the offer from Sebastian, he could use a holiday anyways.
“Told you it’s a good idea to move to Switzerland,” Lewis said, staring at the snow-capped mountains. He was waiting for a response from Sebastian, but nothing was given in return. So, he turned around to look at the man beside him.
Sebastian's face hid behind a black camera, his finger had yet to move away from the shutter. The mountains stood up behind him, his blonde fringe was a little blown by the wind. As he moved the camera away, Lewis was able to see his eyes. The corner of his eyes tilted down slightly, and hiding under the golden-brown lashes was a pale green ring surrounding the outside of his pupil, embraced by an ocean of blue. Still, Sebastian didn't say anything back, he just stared straight into Lewis’ eyes.
A few weeks later, an envelope with a photo quietly slipped into Lewis's mail. On the back was a written message, “Same place. See you next year. ”.
Roscoe rubbed his head against Lewis’s ankle.
Lewis woke up from his memories, he looked down, only to saw Roscoe’s glassy eyes and soft purrs. A somewhat unfamiliar red ball toy was sitting next to Roscoe’s feet, it didn’t seem to belong to Roscoe’s favourite pile, which meant it must have been forgotten at some corner of his apartment—Yes, he now remembered, it was a gift from Sebastian, the blinding crimson could only come from him. Lewis had put the toy away a long time ago, and he could barely think of the last time he had seen it.
A sense of nausea and revolt climbed upon his chest and throat in a flash. Lewis stood up and ran back to his bedroom. He forced the sickness down, then slammed the door shut before he collapsed onto his bed with his eyes closed.
Later, he opened his eyes, blinked once and twice, and he was greeted by the glamorous Monacan night shining outside the window. The peaceful water reflected the shadows of countless lights that came from different places, and buildings around the sleepless city still stood tall. Yet these bustling lights only made Lewis dizzy.
He heard some noises at the door, perhaps it was Roscoe having the joy of finally seeing his old-time favourite again. However, Lewis honestly didn’t have more attention to spare to his dog despite he really wanted to. He shut his eyes again, and let the endless rain consume all his thoughts.
It was the headache that woke Lewis. Slowly, he met with daylight, the blurry scene before him gradually becoming clear.
Lewis frowned, ready to turn his head to the side and went back to his sleep, only to bump his head against the solid glass surface. In front of him, a familiar voice mumbled something in German.
Stirred by the sudden pain, Lewis jerked to his feet, but he was immediately forced back to the seat by a sudden shake from the train.
He sat down and looked around with confusion.
People sat with companies and were all casually chatting with each other. A scene of white from the outside reflected on the passengers’ relaxing expressions. Lewis turned to his left and watched the bare trees passing by.
He’s probably having a lucid dream, Lewis thought. It was rare to be dreaming so realistically, ironically, it also turned out to be anywhere in the world but the snow mountains. As if everything had to remind him of Sebastian, even in his own dream. Lewis continued to look at the snow, then realisation slowly came to him, he was now aware that a man was sitting in front of him.
“Yes all good Britta, I’ll talk to you when I get there. Danke.” The person hung up the call.
Lewis could barely catch a glimpse of the blond man’s side profile.
“Sir, the water you asked for?” “Yes, thank you very much.”
The man turned around, placed the plastic bottle on the table between them, and pushed it towards Lewis.
“Are you okay Louis? You suddenly just, passed out, honestly, you must be really tired from all the travels. Some water for you?”
Lewis took a deep breath and turned to the man. “Thanks—”
Sebastian was sitting across the table, staring at him with a worried gaze.