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Chell shook her head, frowning at the woozy feeling. The metal floor of the testing chamber swirled beneath her feet in bright colours.
"Oh good." GLaDOS's voice rang from the speakers. "I can see the acid I gave you in the last test is starting to kick in. I didn't tell you about the acid. It wasn't important." Chell rubbed her eyes. "Don't worry, it's not deadly acid. Probably. And I've given you some companions to help you complete this next test. Unfortunately, they probably won't. Help you, that is. Good luck."
And that, Chell knew, was all GLaDOS would say until she'd gone through the door. She looked over her shoulder to where two robots stood. One, tall and thin with an orange eye, and one, shorter and more stout with a blue eye. At least, she was pretty sure that that was an accurate description of the robots. With the drugs addling her senses, they seemed to be changing shapes and colours fairly rapidly. The orange(?) one waved at her. She waved back. The three of them began looking around the test chamber, trying to find the door.
Chell noticed one of the floor tiles was slightly upheaved, and she realized there was likely something beneath it. She motioned towards it, and P-Body hurried over to fish it out. It was an old laptop in really rough shape. Atlas yanked it out of P-body's hand and opened it. The screen flashed and flickered until an image appeared. Chell took it back and read it to herself. It was stuck on some old website called "myspace", and there was a picture of a group of preteens standing together and laughing. She wondered who they were, and what they were doing on a laptop in Aperture.
P-body began to grow impatient as Chell was not communicating anything and took the laptop back. It broke into two pieces and fell to the floor. Chell glared at the robot, who froze up in response.
ATLAS thought that it was possible that there was something missing from the test. Something Chell was missing. Some human component. ATLAS wandered about, noting the step count rise, and looked around. There! ATLAS spied a portalable surface on a ledge to their left, and shot an indigo portal there, then, shooting a turquoise portal, walked through to spy a large pile of crystal meth.
Yes. That was exactly what this test had needed. More drugs.
Chell did not agree with ATLAS, and tried to clear the level without taking the crystal meth. It didn't work. There was no way out. They all tried their best, but there was no way to clear the door without taking the meth.
Chell resigned herself. As soon as the surplus of drugs had been taken, she collapsed.
GLaDOS's voice could be heard laughing. "I can't believe she fell for that. This is why humans are definitely not as good at testing as robots. You two are doing great. Especially you, orange. Now that she's gone, you should be able to clear this level easily."
"By the way," She continued as they set to work. "If you see a little core with a blue eye hanging around somewhere, please ignore him. He's poor, and for a good reason. He is a moron who has absolutely no work ethic whatsoever. We've fired him, but he is still hanging around in the facility somewhere. Anyway, I have no regrets over the fact that he is broke now."
As she chattered on about this core the two knew nothing about, Atlas noticed something. There was a slight opening behind one of the walls, and it motioned for P-Body to follow. They walked behind the wall together. GLaDOS did not notice, and continued to speak.
"Honestly, humans without money are worse than humans with it. They are somehow more despicable. Still, they make for good test subjects. They'll do almost anything for practically no pay. It's pathetic."
Out of sight, Atlas stepped close to P-body. Closer than ever before. P-Body had no idea what was happening and did not react. Atlas stepped even closer, so that their cold, metal bodies were brushing against one another.
GLaDOS, observing carefully, scowled. Or at least she would have, if she had had a face. You will just have to imagine the aura of the scowl she gave off. These were her test subjects, her perfect, immortal, inhuman, robot test subjects. And they were trying to have sex. She rolled her eyes and blew them up.
"Maybe they'll do better on the next level, where there are more monitors and they won't feel as free to be so... promiscuous."
ATLAS skipped into the next testing room while P-body looked at the menu. There were light bridges in this level. Light bridges, it thought. Light bridges are made of sunshine. Sunshine and rainbows. Well, not rainbows. But definitely sunshine. P-body smiled at the light bridge, and then frowned (sort of) when it realised that ATLAS was already half-way across the room. It signalled to P-body at the portal it had made for the bridge.
P-body joined ATLAS on the other side of the room, and they high-fived. Their touches lingered, and they held hands happily.
The sudden surge of emotion sent ATLAS into a hidden override mode. P-Body took a step back. ATLAS' light turned red, and a voice began to echo out of his body.
"ALERT. ALERT. CODE 509. ALERT. ALERT. LOCATE VIRGIN TO PROCEED"
P-Body was overcome with panic, and a sense of desperation to save its beloved. It ran to Chell, grabbed her, and dragged her back to ATLAS.
ATLAS scooped her up and raised her high above its head. Chell thrashed wildly, trying to escape its grasp. The robotic fingers clenched more tightly around her.
"CODE 509. VIRGIN DETECTED" The voice continued.
"Hey, what's going on down there?" GLaDOS asked.
"CODE 509. LOCATE VOLCANO"
GLaDOS realized she knew exactly what was going on. "I've always feared this day would come..." She murmured. She opened a way to the surface, and ATLAS dashed out as the voice continued to chant "CODE 509. LOCATE VOLCANO."
They ran until they reached a volcano. ATLAS tossed Chell in and watched as she was swallowed up by the lava.
P-Body shed a robot tear.
"CODE 509. SACRIFICE COMPLETE. DISENGAGE"
ATLAS returned to normal. It looked over to P-Body, who was now drenched in robot tears. They embraced, then fell gently into the volcano together.
THE END