Chapter Text
“Hopewell Lake High School takes great pride in its student bodywork and holds high standards for all its students- bullshit,” Toni cut herself off as she read outloud to Martha the email the school had sent while they walked home. “We have issued several warnings, yada yada,” Toni skimmed through it, “and we regret to inform you that unless the student- ‘the student’- they couldn’t even personalize the letter a bit,” Toni complained and mocked as she read on, “unless the student can raise their GPA of the classes listed below in this trimester, the administration will have to proceed with grade retention - the fuck is that?- for the next academic year.”
Martha stopped dead in her tracks. “Toni, grade retention means you’ll fail the grade.”
Toni looked her way, “What? No way,” she contested.
“Let me see that,” Martha said, reaching to take Toni’s phone and check for sure. She read through the email and handed the phone back. “Toni, you’re failing three classes? You’re not gonna pass the grade!”
Toni had been chuckling moments ago, not taking this seriously, but Martha’s reaction had made all saliva dry up in her mouth. “Shit. You really think I’m not gonna pass the grade?”
“I think 3 classes means you fail the whole grade. That’s what grade-retention means,” Martha explained again.
“Shit! Well why didn’t they warn me before?” Toni called out.
“Toni, they did. Remember a while back you told me they sent an email about low GPA and you didn’t care about it.”
“Shit,” Toni cursed again. “I thought it wasn’t a big deal, you know. Like, I thought my grades were okay, maybe not great in a couple classes, but not failing.”
“You don’t check your grades?” Martha asked.
“No, I’m not a nerd like you, checking on a weekly basis,” Toni joked, no malice in her tone. Martha was smart and Toni loved that about her friend.
“Toni, this is serious. Remember what happened to Tania last trimester when she couldn’t keep her grades up?” Martha asked. Tania had been a girl on the basketball team. A good one too. Low grades gotten her off the team.
“Shit, I’m gonna get benched,” Toni realized.
“Toni, I think you’re gonna get kicked off,” Martha said in deep worry, frown lines in her forehead showing clearly.
“Fuck,” Toni barely uttered. No. No. No. Anything but getting kicked off the basketball team.
“Alright, who’s ready to get their butts kicked?” Toni teased during practice the next day as she took her jacket off and prepared to play.
“Shalifoe, a word,” her coach, Miss Audrey, said as she moved to the side.
“What’s up coach?” Toni asked, though something was bothering her deep down, a fear crawling its way to the surface.
The coach sighed. Toni could play dumb, but that wasn’t going to fix this. “As much as it pains me to do this, you’re off the team,” she said with a heavy heart.
“What? Why?” Toni nearly shouted back, getting the attention of the other girls on the team.
“You know why. You’re failing 3 classes.”
“Alright, so bench me for a game, I’ll get them up,” Toni fought.
“I don’t like this any more than you do. I could’ve maybe talked to admin about it if it had been one class, but three? Sorry kid, you’re off the team for a couple weeks.”
“Coach, please. We have a big game coming up, you know that.”
“I know. You think I like this?” The coach raised her voice a bit. She was upset too, Toni could tell. She wasn’t upset at Toni so much as the rules. Although Toni knew it was her own fault.
“You’re on probation with the school. Get your grades up, and as soon as I can get you back, you’re back on the team.”
Toni sighed, she kicked the floor angrily, then looked up at the coach. “So I’m not team captain anymore?”
“Not until you’re back. I’m putting Rachel as interim captain meanwhile,” Coach said.
Toni pursed her lips. “This is bullshit,” she said.
Coach scoffed. If she were anyone else, she might have berated Toni on the curse word, but she wasn’t. She was one of the few people in Toni’s life that actually cared about her. So the coach got closer, put a hand on her back and turned Toni further away from the team. “It is bullshit,” the coach whispered. “I need you on this team.”
Toni looked up, a little surprised at the answer. Half expecting a scolding.
“That’s why I need you to get your grades up, and get your ass back on the field. We are not losing this championship because of some stupid classes that don’t matter as much as this one,” the coach comforted her and Toni smiled at that last part.
The coach stopped and turned to Toni. The woman put her hand on Toni’s shoulder and bent down a bit so she could look at her at eye level. “Rachel is good, she’ll be an okay captain and she’ll be alright in your spot. But I don’t want Rachel okay, I want you, kid.”
Toni felt her heart warm at the words. Thank goodness for her coach.
“So, you’re gonna get your shit together right?” Coach continued whispering. She said it with a smile, one that told Toni that this little secret - a teacher cussing - could stay between them.
Toni nodded hard, “yeah, I promise, I’ll get my shit together,” she said just as another girl on the team passed by them.
“Language!” Coach called out, pretending to scold Toni for the sake of putting on a show. But then she winked at Toni. “See you in a few weeks Shalifoe,” coach said at last before blowing her whistle, turning back to the girls on the team, and getting practice started.
Toni sighed heavily, grabbed her jacket from the bleachers and left the basketball field with regret, glancing back in jealousy at the other girls that would get to do what she loved.
She had to get her shit together, just like she’d promised the coach.
“Okay, I got it, why don’t you tutor me?” Toni suggested to Martha during the lunch break a day later as they ate on their table.
“Toni, I’m sorry, I’m already swamped with homework from my A.P. classes. I barely have time myself,” Martha apologized, feeling guilty about not being able to help Toni, but she was giving school her everything, and she couldn’t promise her friend something she couldn’t give her.
Toni sighed, disappointed, but she understood. “Fuck, what am I gonna do? I can’t afford a tutor.”
“What about after school classes?”
“You know I go help out at the garage after school to get some cash. My mom isn’t really helpful cuz she spends half her paycheck on drugs,” she said bitterly, though Martha already knew that Toni worked part time at a garage workshop after school, and she already knew about Toni’s mom. She was the only one that did . “I need someone that’ll adapt to my schedule.”
“Maybe go talk to the office about it?” Martha suggested. “I think there was a free tutoring program for some students last year. Maybe someone will help.”
“I think that’s only till 4 and I don’t get off work till 6.”
“Can’t hurt to try.”
Some giggles nearby drew their attention.
Not too far from them, some girls sat with their boyfriends. Not just any girls and boys. The girls and boys. The popular high school kids that everyone either wanted to be or be with. Toni had been part of her own popular click as the basketball captain, but these days she mostly kept to herself and Martha, though she still hung out with the basketball girls during practice and some other girls from class during lunch.
The giggles continued. And they had come from no one other than Shelby Goodkind. The prettiest girl on the table, in Toni’s opinion, though she’d deny it if anyone ever asked.
She didn’t talk much to the girls on that table, but she knew that they were all assholes. Aside from Shelby, who she’d had in almost every class since grade school. Shelby, who’d always smiled at everyone, including Toni - which was odd, since people usually frowned at her naturally - Shelby, who’d politely say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ and who Toni had lent a pen to last year.
Hey, Toni , Shelby had called her attention that day.
Toni had turned in surprise. Shelby knew her name. That wasn’t odd, everyone knew each other’s names, but some people just pretended they didn’t. The people Shelby hung out with for example.
Yeah? Toni had asked, her heart jumping.
Can I borrow a pen? I lost mine.
Yeah, sure.
Toni had given away her only black pen. She only had one black and one blue, and most often, Martha would give them to her. And she was so damn grateful she’d had 2 pens that day so she could give one to Shelby. But even if she’d only had the one, she’d have given it to Shelby anyway.
Thanks. The blonde had said politely as she took it. I’ll give it back by the end of the day.
It’s cool. Toni had said, though it was everything but cool, at least her body was everything but that. She was glad she wasn’t really the type to show when she had a blush , cuz she would’ve given it all away over a silly thing like a pen.
Toni had figured Shelby would forget to give the pen back, but she didn’t care. Anyway, anyone that ever borrowed anything from her forgot to give it back. She wasn’t special either. Martha would start the year with a whole pack of colored markers, several pencils and different pens, along with sharpeners, erasers and many other things and end up the year with less than half that because she’d been kind enough to lend it to people who didn’t care about giving anything back or taking care of anything.
But Shelby didn’t forget. By the end of the day, she’d turned back to Toni, her smile as wide as in the morning, and had handed her pen back with a soft ‘ thank you Toni .’
Toni couldn’t even remember if she’d said anything back. She’d just taken the pen and her body had felt on autopilot. All it took was Shelby saying a couple words to get her feeling like she was high off something.
But again, she wasn’t special. Shelby smiled at everyone.
That had been roughly the only interaction with Shelby that year.
The year before though, that had been the cherry on top.
10th grade. They were in between classes and Toni was messing around with the basketball girls, passing the ball around. They’d kept the passes going from the hall to the class without getting caught and the teacher hadn’t been there when they’d entered.
So the girls kept the game up, passing the ball around and doing some trick shots in class. This particular teacher wasn’t fond of the game. She’d always been the strictest too, about everything.
And just when she’d walked in, Toni had thrown the ball to try and get it into the trash can by the door, but the teacher had walked in right that moment and had gotten hit in the face with the ball.
It hadn’t been bad. No bleeding or anything, just a hit in the face, which wasn’t great, but jeez, it had been an accident.
The teacher hadn’t felt like that though. She’d practically yelled at Toni to go to the office. Toni had even apologized more than once, but the teacher hadn’t cared, hadn’t listened, and Toni had been sent out with a hand pointing to the hall and her basketball confiscated.
The principal had given her detention and Toni had begged to have it in the morning rather than the afternoon, when she had practice and work to get to. And the principal had agreed fortunately, but it had been a shitty start to her day. She’d figured the rest of the day was going to be the same.
And just as Toni had been walking the hall, getting back to class though she considered skipping it altogether, there was Shelby, out in the hall, headed to the bathroom.
The blonde had smiled at her from afar and then unexpectedly, stopped right in front of Toni.
Hey, you okay? The blonde had asked gently. Shelby had seen the whole ball-in-face ordeal with the teacher.
Toni’s mouth had gone dry. Yeah, I’m alright.
That wasn’t your fault. Everyone saw it was an accident, Shelby had comforted.
Yeah, Ms. Black lost her shit, huh?
Shelby had chuckled at the language. She probably never cursed, Toni figured, being the pastor’s daughter and all.
Yeah, she was out o’ line. I'm sorry. Shelby said as she put her hand on Toni’s arm to comfort her.
Toni wasn’t sure why Shelby had apologized. Not like it was her fault or anything. And with the blonde’s hand on her arm, Toni couldn’t look straight at her.
It’s fine. It was everything but fine. Shelby was touching her.
Well, I just wanted to check in on you.
Toni wasn’t one to cry. She never did. But dear God, she felt like she was about to burst into tears from someone checking on her . But instead, she licked her lips and looked up at Shelby.
Thanks, I’m good though. I’m used to getting sent to the office anyway.
Me too. Said Shelby.
What? That had been a surprise.
Well, not anymore, but I used to paint my nails and I’d get sent to the office all the time to remove the nail polish. Against a new school policy apparently. And Lord, my parents would kill me if they found out, but I’m a sucker for some good nail polish. Especially the black one, but don’t tell my mother.
Gosh, her smile was beautiful. Her eyes too. Still were. In that moment, Toni had thought back to Shelby and the couple of times when she actually remembered her wearing nail polish.
You’re quite the rebel. Careful before you get expelled, Toni had joked.
And the most beautiful sound had come out from Shelby’s mouth. An authentic laugh, free and honest, and Toni couldn’t help laughing back.
That’s a dumb policy, Toni added.
Yeah. Shelby had said, biting her lip, and Toni wished she wouldn’t look so damn adorable.
Alright, well, I’m glad you’re good. The blonde had said.
Thanks Shelby. Toni had replied.
See you around Toni.
Shelby’s hand stayed a while on Toni’s arm before it finally slid off and the blonde had kept walking, headed to wherever.
Toni had let out a sigh as she got back to class. She had to be such a cliché, crushing on Shelby. If Shelby were rude or mean, it would have helped. But she wasn’t. She only had bad choices in company. And a boyfriend of course.
And as crushes and clichés go, Toni had thought about that interaction for days.
And that same week, she’d caught Shelby cleaning her nail polish between classes. Black colored nail polish. Scandalous for the likes of Shelby as she’d recently been informed.
The blonde had looked up and seen her, and smiled, like it was a secret between them.
Toni briefly wondered when Shelby had even been told to remove her nail polish. Was it that the pretty, rich people got a polite and quiet reprimand while people like her got shat on in public? Cuz it sure felt that way.
But she didn’t care then, because it was a secret. Shelby Goodkind, little miss not so perfect liked to break the rules a little. She liked to put on that nail polish, knowing she’d have to take it off that same day, but she did it anyway. Shelby was a bit of a rebel. And Toni felt like she was the only one that knew, and she loved knowing that.
But here she was now, sitting with Martha, looking at Shelby laughing with her friends and her boyfriend, with a hand possessively around her. Shelby’s nails cleancut and with no nail polish. And that day in the hall two years ago was long gone and over with.
And Toni would just have to take this crush to the grave, or to whenever she got over it.
Shelby caught her eye and smiled briefly before turning to her boyfriend and her friends. And that was that.
Toni looked away.
College, she figured. College would help her get over Shelby. If she ever managed to get into one. And right now, her only chance at a good college was basketball, and she was messing that up. She had to fix it.
“Yeah, I’ll try the office,” she told Martha. She had to try anything and everything at this point. She couldn’t lose basketball.
“Hi, I wanted to ask if there’s like an after school tutoring program?” Toni asked awkwardly at the secretary in the office later that day.
“Please take a seat, let me check,” the new secretary had said politely. What was her name again? Toni wondered.
Toni took a seat and waited as the woman made a couple calls and clicked and typed away at her computer. She hoped this would be over soon. She had to get to work. She’d taken the extra hour instead of basketball practice to hope to make extra cash, and she was going to be late if she didn’t leave soon.
And as she waited there, Shelby had come in. She’d smiled and waved at Toni just before she turned to the secretary.
“Hi Jeanette,” Shelby had politely greeted her.
The woman had lit up, smiling like they were friends. “Hi, Shelby, what can I do for you? Love that chapstick.”
Shelby had smiled, “thanks.” She’d then immediately proceed to pull the chapstick out from her bag and hand it over. “Here, you can have it.”
“Oh no, I couldn’t,” the Jeanette said, blushing, smiling wide but embarrassed that a teenager was giving her chapstick.
“Please, take it, it’ll look great on you,” Shelby had insisted.
Jeanette took the chapstick with a smile and a thank you.
Toni watched the interaction in wonder. How could anyone be so nice? It was so damn… endearing.
“I just came over to see if the NHS sashes were ready for next Monday. I’m real excited about naming the new members for next year,” Shelby spoke.
Shelby, as expected, was part of the school’s National Honor Society. President of it, if Toni wasn’t mistaken. She was a top student, and she met all the NHS requirements aside from academic achievement. Something like spirit, responsibility and other bullshit Toni couldn’t remember.
“Let me check that real quick, please take a seat,” Jeanette said, “I just need to finish something with…” she’d turned to Toni.
“Toni Shalifoe,” Toni stated, and surprisingly, so had Shelby, full name and all.
“Right, Toni,” Jeanette said with a bigger smile than before now that Shelby had lifted her mood. “Come up,” she instructed.
Toni stood and walked up to the desk as Shelby sat down behind her.
“Anything?” Toni asked.
“Well we do have that program for students that need flexible schedules, and we try and pair students to help each other out,” Jeanette explained.
“Right,” Toni nodded. She knew this already. Martha had looked a bit more into it for her.
“But at this point in the year I don’t see anyone available. But what I can do is put up an announcement and see if anyone volunteers okay?“
“Right, sure,” Toni said with a nod, thinking no one would volunteer to tutor her for free at 6:30 every night and on three different subjects just to put it on their college application.
“I just need to know what classes you need tutoring for and what times,” Jeanette said as she printed out a form and handed it to Toni to fill out.
“Okay, thanks,” said Toni as she took a pen that Jeanette also gave her and got to filling the form.
The secretary got back to Shelby and the two talked a little more while Toni filled out the form with her needs.
Some people had come in and out of the office, both staff and students and Shelby had said hello to all of them, smiling and lighting them up with small talk and compliments about tiny things that Toni would never notice on someone but apparently Shelby did. It was a wonder, how someone like Shelby was so kind and humble despite having everything, and despite hanging around such assholes like her friends. But Toni could confirm, everyone loved Shelby Goodkind. Including her.
Toni finished the form and gave it back. “I’d really appreciate it if you could get back at me quickly, this is pretty urgent,” she said to Jeanette as the woman took the paper and pen.
“Will do. I’ll post this right away and hopefully someone will volunteer.”
“Thanks. How will I know?”
“We’ll email you as soon as someone volunteers. If not, come by in the next few days and check in with me okay.”
Toni nodded. “Thanks,” she said with a small smile and then left, but not before glancing at Shelby and smiling at her too as the blonde waved goodbye.
Gosh, that smile was infectious.
But Toni was worried. She knew no one would volunteer. She was going to fail the grade and get kicked off basketball and her life would be ruined. But even as she ran out of school to her bike to get to work, she noticed that she was still smiling, because at least today, Shelby had smiled at her.
“Hey, Jeanette, was that the tutoring program I heard you two talk about?” Shelby asked after Toni had left the office.
“Yes, in fact, I’m going to file that paper right now to see who in the program is available for her,” said Jeanette as she took the form and began to type on her computer. “It’s a tough schedule though. And three subjects no less,” Jeanette noted, “but maybe she’ll get a volunteer,” she said with a hopeful outlook.
“Hey, do you mind if I see that?” Shelby asked as she took the form and read it.