Archive of Our Own

The opera hall had always been the coziest, warmest room in Castle Dimitrescu, at least to you it was. With the grand piano in the foyer that you had watched Bela utilize on more than one occasion, usually with the rest of the girls and the spacious, extensive library that you had spent so many nights in, curled up in an oversized chair against soft flesh, the light feeling of nails gliding up and down your arm and spine - It had managed to become your favorite room, one that you had made so many precious memories in. Of course, you had made other memories in the entirety of Castle Dimitrescu, like sitting in the hall of joy with Bela and Cassandra, whining and groaning to yourself while they cackled to each other, boasting about beating you repeatedly in the small collection of board games they’d grown over the years, and sitting silently in the Atelier with Alcina while she painted, her focusing on the smoothness of her stroke while you sat and admired her graceful form. Despite those irreplaceable memories, nothing compared to the ones you had made in the opera hall. Nothing felt as good as the warmth of the fireplace, or the feeling of serenity as Alcina would wrap her arm around your torso, absentmindedly creating invisible shapes over your skin with her blackened fingertips, rubbing the back of her hand over your skin while her girls piled around you, minding their own as they curled up to you and Alcina or sat in their own plush chair, content to relax in your presence - to both you and Alcina, nothing compared to these feelings of home.

However, the feeling had been lacking lately. It was no secret that Alcina would dive into her workload often, which caused her to neglect those around her. You admired her work ethic, truly, but the loneliness that followed would always eventually surround you. At first it had been relatively easy to keep yourself entertained, with all the bustling castle had to offer, but as your time in Castle Dimitrescu passed you found there were many days where you had nothing to do and nowhere to go. You had read every book the library had to offer, you had seen every trick Daniela had up her sleeve and played many rounds of Monopoly with Bela and Cassandra. The village offered no help, not when going to the marketplace warranted nothing but dirty side-eyes and scowls, because why would any villager like you when you were one of the only ones to step into Castle Dimitrescu and come back out unharmed, unlike so many maidens - daughters and sisters who had sought occupation there, only to be turned into a rich, red wine.

There was only one solution to your loneliness and sour mood, and that solution was slouched over her study desk in one of the rooms of the opera hall, filling out documents till her hand cramped and answering phone call after phone call until the shrill of the phone became too much to bear. Every time Alcina planted herself in her study chair with a huff and a sigh you knew she'd be in there for hours on end and you wouldn't see her all day - not for lunch or dinner, or for your evening walk around the courtyard, the only time she'd show herself would be late in the night when she'd quietly join you in bed, always pressing a kiss to your temple before drifting off, only for the cycle to repeat the next day.

You couldn’t help but loathe this cycle, as it happened so often due to Mother Miranda’s insistent demands on all four lords – always throwing the dirty work off to the side for one of them to catch like a starving dog to a meaty bone. You knew Alcina valued Mother Miranda’s approval very greatly, but you could never see the appeal, not when Mother Miranda disregarded each lord so easily. Your desire to share your time with Alcina was being stopped by someone who did not see Alcina for what she truly was, only as someone to take care of the work she had no desire to complete herself.

You feel your jaw tighten at the thought. You couldn't help but feel angry at that woman, that self-centered woman.

"Alcina is more than that,” You thought to yourself 

Your thoughts only angered you more, your eyes drifting from your book to the wooden floor of the library as you fantasized aggressively chewing her out, although you knew those thoughts could only stay a fantasy. You weren’t stupid, you knew that physically, and probably in every other way, you had nothing on Miranda.

Coming back to reality, you took a deep inhale before exhaling sharply, snapping your book shut and turning your focus to the grandfather clock placed next to one of the library's bookshelves. 

11:55 P.M

Like clockwork, you would sit in the opera all, waiting, hoping that Alcina would finally walk out of her study and look at you with a fond smile before telling you her work was complete, and you would be lonely no longer, but that moment had yet to come. Instead, every time you had found the courage to knock on the study door you would get the same line, another scolding, another "Not now, draga mea.” You had always done your best to give her your utmost support and patience, Alcina valued her work, and you respected her and her work, even though her cycle of running herself ragged took a toll on everyone in the castle.

Still, despite her rejections, you chose to plant yourself down in the library every night after dinner with the girls, hoping tonight would be the night Alcina would come up for air and you could shower her with your pent-up affection once again. You would stay there for hours and hours, occupying yourself with a book or by tracing the carves and lines of the ceiling from its beginning points to its endpoints, and often you would stay and wait there for so long that one of the maids or the girls would have to come to get you and escort you to your chambers, your protests falling onto deaf ears.

Usually, by midnight someone would come and collect you, and after seeing that time had been nearing you sighed to yourself, sad to know it was another night wasted and alone. Another night you’d go without. 

You heard the quiet click of the library door opening, and judging from the constant sound of buzzing that followed, you knew it had been one of the girls coming to take you to bed. You stood from your spot on the library's couch and faced her, a small smile on Bela's lips as she greeted you kindly. You said nothing, but offered her a smile back as you made your way towards the door, still choosing silence as you and Bela made your way to Alcina's chambers.

Bela had been the hardest of the three daughters to crack. Bela was headstrong, intelligent, and quiet - a silent killer. You had been more afraid of her than Cassandra. Bela cared about the safety of her sisters and her mother first and foremost, and in the beginning, she was sure you were not safe, for a very long time there was not a moment where she wasn’t ready for you to be disposed of like any other that came into Castle Dimitrescu, completely willing to dispose of you herself should the opportunity arise. One winter hunters had broken into the castle, Cassandra had pushed herself too far and while defending herself fell victim to the harsh Romanian cold, and by the time you had found her she had been halfway crystallized. You had panicked, whacking the hunter hunched over Cassandra with the curtain rod that had fallen during Cassandra’s struggle, then screamed for Alcina while you covered Cassandra and brought her to the fire. That’s how the two remaining sisters and Alcina had found you, shaking and desperate while you tried your best to stop the middle child from crystallizing. Bela had stopped for a second to watch you then, eyes wide with fear and mouth agape as you looked to Alcina for direction. Bela had seen your worry, the fear, and your determination to help her dear sister. 

Since then, things had changed between Bela and you. Out of the three sisters, you two had spent the most time together, she trusted you, and you her. 

You had begun to smile to yourself while you thought about the two years you’d spent at the castle, thinking of how far you’d come with all four of them. Bela had noticed this, unfortunately misinterpreting the smile for good news. 

“Is mother almost finished?”

You frowned, your train of thought derailing as you remembered your loneliness.

"No dear, not yet."

Bela frowned as well, sharing the same feeling of loneliness that you did whenever her mother neglected her for work. She and her sisters had been used to the action for decades, but all of them still felt as lonely as you were.

"Have you tried speaking to her?" She asked, closing the opera hall door as you two made your way around the courtyard to the chambers,

You shrugged, "Yes." you answered, remembering your many failed attempts to get her to take a break.

Bela shrugged along with you as you both journeyed up the stairs, walking past the hall of ablution.

Though Bela hadn't necessarily worked for Mother Miranda as Alcina had, based on her own experience she had an accurate idea of the stress her mother had been feeling for weeks now. Bela, as the eldest, had been set to help Alcina in her winery business she had been running for decades now. Eventually Bela became accustomed to the workload, but she would be lying if she said there weren't days where the stress of the winery became too much and she wanted nothing more than to curl up alone in her room, unspeaking and unmoving until the aching in her head and hands left.

“There's only so much any of us can do, I know, but it couldn't hurt to keep trying. Mother is stubborn, but the stress overrides at some point.” She reasoned, climbing the staircase that led to Alcina's chambers.

Bela watched as you opened the chamber door and entered the room, leaving the door open for her before heading straight for Alcina's closet to change into one of your comfortable white silk nightgowns.

Spying a bottle of Sanguis Virginis resting on Alcina’s vanity, Bela took slow steps up to it while she spoke to you, 

“Have you thought of sharing a meal in her study with her?” She questioned, gently grabbing the neck of the bottle.

You sighed. You had offered her many opportunities for a break - walks in the courtyard, shared baths, massages in bed, hell even a massage in her study chair, but she turned down each offer, you didn’t think there was much to convince you that she wouldn’t turn down a shared meal.

“I don’t know, Bela,” You started, “I’ve tried a lot already. Just like every time before, she finishes when she decides she is finished.”

Bela turned to you, beginning to walk towards you as she spoke “She doesn't come around for lunch or dinner, I haven't seen a maid bring anything to her all day. She's neglecting her needs, and you know she needs sustenance." You looked down at the bottle of wine she held in your direction, moving your eyes to look back at her with an unconvinced look. Bela only silently pried, jolting the bottle slightly with a short hum coming from the back of her throat. However, you did not sway and shook your head. 

"I don't know if you remember, but that drink isn't really something Alcina and I can share, is it?" You teased, smiling softly when Bela noticeably grew more impatient with you, her eyes narrowing as she continued to hold the bottle to her stomach by the neck of it, your denial beginning to create annoyance. 

Something Bela had neglected to share with you when she had collected you from the library earlier was that her sisters and she had heard a small quarrel between you and Alcina just a few hours before while on their way to the hall of ablution. You had been in your shared chambers, readying yourself for an unwinding bath when Alcina had come in to rummage through her drawer for her signature bright red lipstick, normally Alcina would rather send a maid to fetch the missing tube, it was a shock to see her scowling face in the same room as you so early. Though she hadn’t even acknowledged you yet, you decided to speak up and take a small leap of faith, asking if she had finished her work. You should’ve bitten your tongue, you knew in the back of your mind she wasn’t, not with an attitude like the one she was sporting. Alcina had immediately shut you down, snapping at you and leaving quickly with her lipstick tube in hand. 

You had expected her reaction, it was the same every time yet you still tried regardless. 

When you began to move away from Bela and for your side of Alcina’s large bed, she abruptly caught your wrist in a limp hold, giving you space to leave if you wanted, “We’re tired of watching you mope, it’s repetitive. You sit in the library and mope, you walk around the courtyard and mope, you mope into your plate at dinner and I bet you mope in your sleep!” Instead of offering you the bottle of Sanguis Virginis, Bela lets go of your wrist and replaces her hands around the bottle with yours, pushing it into your stomach. 

“Okay, don't share the drink, share the company, I'm confident you can convince her. You already managed to wiggle yourself into this family without getting yourself killed, getting mother to drink one cup of wine in your company should be a piece of cake for you. She needs the meal," Bela rolled her eyes, "and by god, you need the attention. Watching you mope makes watching Daniela eat a maid for funsies sound like a good night. She's messy."  

You shivered as the image of Daniela gnawing on some maid’s ulna flooded your mind. It wasn’t that you necessarily hated what they did in that dungeon, but you tried your best to avoid seeing what they did down there and had no problem with Alcina’s “forbidden entry of the cellar” rule. 

You cringed once more, "The messiest." 

Huffing, you looked down at the bottle and began to fidget, your eyes following the beautiful gold floral pattern adorning the neck of the bottle, shivering again when you remembered what was mixed with the alcoholic beverage, though you quickly pushed that to the side to focus on your options. On one hand, you could visit Alcina and possibly convince her, which would earn you the attention you’ve been seeking, and her the need to care for her that you’ve been storing up in that body of yours for weeks now. There was also the possibility that she would reject you again, and that could be avoided by not even asking her at all and just waiting her workload out like usual. But you’ve had enough, you miss her, and she’d been working for so long - One cup of wine couldn’t kill her. 

  So, summoning up all your courage, you nodded towards Bela as she offered you an encouraging smile, opening the chamber door for you as you made your way back towards Alcina’s study, your heart rate beginning to raise the closer you got, your grip on the bottle becoming tighter with each step, you almost chickened out once you had reached the door, but before you lost the nerve you raised your fist, knocking gently with your knuckles before softly calling out her name. You knew she’d hear you despite the mere whisper of her name, surely she could hear your heart palpitations from a mile away anyway. 

There was a small moment of silence, but soon you heard her deep voice sound through the door, her voice feigning exhaustion,

"Enter."

Though it was no kind and loving greeting you had been craving, it was better than another dismissal, and you wondered briefly what could have made her allow your entrance instead of simply dismissing you. Perhaps she was finally starting to cave. 

You twisted the doorknob and peeked your head in, only enough to see her from her desk. The room was lit with candles strategically placed around the room, as well as a dim fire going, which you were sure had been ablaze for hours and had been untended for some time, but in the middle of the room was Alcina, hunched over her desk as her pen moved rapidly over a paper, not even stopping to spare you a glance.

You didn’t pay much attention to it though, moving through the room tentatively, stepping over stray papers on the floor, and stacked books around her desk. "Cina?" You called, coming closer to her crunched form. You could feel her stress radiating as if it were your own, her fingers holding her pen tensely and her shoulders pinched. Your brows furrowed, your concern growing the more you took in her figure. 

This time she looked up at you, her stress and exhaustion on display, and you could see her stress lines and eye bags. They had formed long ago, possibly by the first night her workload had started. There was a large frown on her lips, and her eyebrows creased in annoyance, most likely for the late night disturbance, and especially because she knew exactly what you were here for. This didn't stop your chest from tightening as you analyzed her weary features. You wanted nothing more than to take her back with you to your chambers and do what you could to make the stress nothing but a distant feeling.

"What is it you need?" She asked, her voice not angry or sharp - just tired.

You held up the bottle of wine, wiggling it slightly before nodding towards her chalice, “It’s empty, you haven’t eaten dinner.” 

Alcina gave a quick glance to her glass, dinner had completely slipped her mind. 

“Spare a moment for a drink, please?” you pleaded.

Alcina clenched her jaw, her mind automatically wanting to opt for sending you away, she needed to finish reading this document on her next wine shipment, but she could feel the way her stomach twisted as she looked at the bottle of Sanguis Virginis held by your clammy hands. Her stomach twisted, her teeth ached and she felt her hunger that had been building since breakfast. That maiden’s blood would only keep her full for a few hours, soon she would need a real meal, but you had been correct - she hadn’t eaten most of the day, she needed this. 

So, Alcina nodded, straightening her back and scooting her chair away from her desk, effectively making room for you to snuggle up to her on her lap before opening her arms up for you. “Come,” she whispered. 

You placed the wine down on a cleared spot of her desk before settling on her lap, making yourself at home as you felt her arms wrap around your waist, her hold gentle even in her stress, and your heart rate increased for a different reason now. You’d missed this dearly. 

Alcina placed her chin on the top of your head, her arms rubbing along your sides as she basked in your presence, you were her natural calming agency, her body allowing her to relax into you slightly. Even sitting Alcina still had some inches on you, and with how stressed she was she was sure her body would collapse on top of you if she allowed herself to fully relax. 

She felt you tilt your head up to press a quick kiss on her neck, humming delightfully in response. She had been rude to you for many days- no, it’d been weeks now, she’d rejected you time and time again, snapped at you, argued with you, and yet here you were, gladly curled up on her lap like none of that had happened. Alcina could have just left it like that, allowed herself to give you momentary affection in the form of an apology instead of confronting her wrongdoings, but she wouldn’t. She couldn’t. You and her had this talk before, during the beginning of your companionship. Alcina could be a prideful, calculated, and downright cruel individual when she wanted to be, even to those she loved. She was thick-skinned, she had to be, you however were not, she very quickly observed this despite your claims of being impervious. Being sensitive wasn’t a flaw to you, and you knew you deserved better than Alcina’s harsh words and inability to communicate - you needed more from her than that, and Alcina wanted to give that to you. She would do that and more if it meant staying by your side. 

Alcina leaned down slightly towards your ear, her lips ghosting over the shell of your ear as she whispered in your ear delicately, "I'm sorry about earlier, I hadn't meant to yell at you draga.” She pressed a swift kiss to the shell of your ear before leaning in to pop the cork from her wine and filling her chalice halfway, bringing the rich wine to meet her lips as you sat back slightly to watch in admiration.

More of an apology needed to be said, possibly by the both of you. The way she would fight with you during her overwhelming workloads hurt, yet you were also capable of snapping back. For now, it seemed both of you were content with what was given for the moment. You were happier rested in her lap, and you chose to focus on the droplet of wine left on Alcina’s bottom lip instead. Reaching for the handkerchief from the desk, you gently took hold of her chin with your free hand so she could look down and face you, using your other to smoothly remove the droplets, mindful of her lipstick. 

Alcina watched you, her eyes observing you longingly, her lips parting for you slightly as you cleaned the last droplet. If it’d been normal wine, ravishing Alcina’s lips would have been a much more efficient cleaning technique, but the handkerchief would have to do. Once you finished you folded it neatly before placing it back on the desk, humming as Alcina’s knuckles softly met your cheek, caressing it with care as a silent thank you. 

Alcina then returned once more to finish off what was left in her chalice, this time careful as to not spill. 

You had tried that wine once, though tried equated to sniff more than a sip. It had been a couple of months ago when you watched her drink from a glass at her vanity while she took off her makeup. There you confidently asked if you could see her glass, and Alcina teasingly allowed it, handing you the glass and barking out a laugh after your face scrunched in disgust at the metallic tang of Sanguis Virginis. You didn't necessarily want to taste the wine, mainly because you didn't feel like tasting the blood of a maid who was harvested probably sometime that year. You had most likely laid eyes on the poor girl multiple times without even remembering, and you felt guilt in your mind at the thought.

You didn’t think Alcina and her daughters were monsters for what they did, unlike the villagers. They had warned you of what lurked in Castle Dimitrescu when you had first arrived, demanding you heed their warnings of blood and death, and though there are times when guilt plagues your mind when you hear a scream come deep from within the castle, you knew things were different. Not that you were denying the fact that she did kill and eat people, but more so that you knew her and her daughters hadn’t had much of a choice but to harvest the blood from maidens. They had Mother Miranda to thank for their tedious conditions, and once again at the thought of her you scowled, hatred in your heart. 

Alcina took notice of your facial expression, knowing instantly that something was happening in that darling mind of yours, and decided to set her glass aside and put aside her now subsiding hunger for you. “Is something troubling you?” she asked. 

You shook your head no before changing your mind and nodding your head yes.

One of her hands came up to stroke your cheek, "Tell me" she pried softly.

You weighed your options. You weren't going to speak everything going through your mind, not because you didn’t trust her with it, but because you couldn’t just tell her how much you loathed the woman she worked with for many decades. You decided to ask a different, yet still, important question that had been bothering you. 

You inhaled, "You do so much for all of us. Why do you never think you need a break?" You inquired cautiously, half expecting the question to strike a nerve in your lover, undoing the progress you’ve made with her so far tonight. 

Alcina's eyes fluttered closed as she took in a deep inhale like you had, her hands going back to tracing shapes on the back of your nightgown, her fingers drawing circles along your shoulder blades. Vulnerability had never been Alcina’s strong suit, and for most of her life she had neglected to allow herself it, that was until you became a part of her life. Your relationship had challenged her to the core, her actions had pushed away so many people before, both before and after her rebirth, but she couldn’t do that with you. Alcina knew it was time for change, and she was trying, so so hard. This subject however was a sensitive one. It was only one branch that led to a giant, painful, and forever-growing root, one that’d been planted by someone she considered one of, if not the most important person in her life. There were still many dark corners of both of your minds that neither of you had managed to reach yet, and Alcina didn’t know if she was ready for you to see the vulnerable and insecure innards her mind contained, her body ready to take up arms at the idea of you knowing, but she also wanted the kindness you had to offer - She wanted you to cradle her face in your hands, look her in the eye and tell you what she needed to hear. All she wanted from you was what she needed, and all she needed was to know that she was special. 

Unfortunately, you can’t win them all, and this time Alcina’s mind took control of her heart. 

Alcina suddenly grew cold, the aching rot inside her mind blinding her. “That is none of your concern.” She stated sternly, her wandering hands ceasing their movements as she removed her skin from yours abruptly, her facial expression stoic. Just like that, she'd begun to shut you out and your progress for the night had been stomped on and thrown to the side. 

“How so?” You leaned away from her. You were beginning to not understand, Alcina’s sudden reaction shocking you somewhat. 

Alcina’s hands gripped at your waist, starting to lift you from her lap and your confusion only grew. Placing your hands on top of hers you stopped her, looking at her for an answer to your question but still receiving nothing but a hardened stare. 

“I only wish to help you.” You explained, your desperation starting to bubble to the surface. At this point you’d gotten off her lap on your own, standing in the spot between her and her desk. 

Alcina only held her head high, her hard exterior was normally infuriating, but right now, the way she looked down at your smaller form made you want to become even smaller, as small as an ant so you could scurry away from her harsh and mocking stare. You hated that more than anything.

“I don’t need help from the likes of you.” She hissed. 

You scoffed, “By the likes of me?  What is that supposed to mean, Alcina? Don’t you see that I ask these things out of nothing but my care for you?” your voice was raising, Alcina’s defenses weren’t the only ones going up. 

Alcina shook her head, “You don’t know the first thing about me, foolish child. I am more than capable of handling my own needs, you are not all-knowing and wise. I said I don’t need your help.” Alcina was firm and holding her ground while all you could do was feel your chest seize for only a second at her cruelty. 

You shook your head furiously, "I don't think I've implied that I am this far-sighted creature, Alcina. I don't understand where this is coming from, I thought we've made progress in this. Why do you shut me out?" 

Alcina's patience was wearing thin, her anger was starting to combine with her stress and she could feel her breaking point coming closer and closer. That wine hadn't done much, it seemed. 

Alcina growled, "You care does not come from the kindness of your heart, I will always be sure of that." She would regret that later, she didn't mean it, but she needed an out and she was not opposed to using harsh words to avoid the intense confrontation of her own emotions. She could not allow herself to give you the emotional access you would surely be granted had she chosen to let you in. This subject had been uncharted territory, not even her daughters had been allowed to know, and the thought of you knowing just how insecure this large and powerful woman was petrified Alcina. She felt as if the image of herself that your mind knew would be tainted, and you wouldn't be able to look at her the same again. 

You knew Alcina was guarding herself, this was not your first fight with her that had gone this far. You would try your best not to take her words personally, but there was no stopping the sting they left behind.

You raised your finger, pointing it towards her direction, trying to keep your anger at bay because you knew it would help no one, "You don't get to do that to me. Your accusations are not true and I know you know it, I have never been more certain of something like the way I am certain that the care I have for you comes from the truest parts of me. You cannot just treat me as if I am nothing to you!"

Your anger had been building along with your concern for her, and in the back of your mind, you knew this wasn’t as simple as Alcina having too good work ethic and willpower to quit. You had felt the same deep-rooted sorrow she had, long ago and for your own reasons, but you knew. You knew what it felt like to have that sorrow swallow you whole, what it felt like to shiver with the rage it brought with it as it consumed you and your daily life. 

Alcina’s mouth opened and closed slightly for a split second, her anger dissipating only a bit as your words rang in her ears.

“You can’t just treat me as if I am nothing to you!”

You weren’t nothing. No, to Alcina you were everything and more. You were a mark in her mind that would never go away, she’d made sure that she’d remember every detail of you, of your body and soul, just because she couldn’t bear the thought of never knowing you, of never being right here by your side. If she didn’t have her daughters, she was sure she wouldn’t have survived this difficult rebirth without you. There was no better way to live. Without you there was nothing. 

Alcina’s lips slowly formed a tight line and you could see her head begin to shake from side to side, “You are everything.” She promised in a tiny, weak whisper. 

Your lip quivered, “Then why are you pushing me away? I love you, I love you-”

“Special,” Alcina spoke suddenly, breaking away your declaration of love as you gave her a confused look, “I need to be special.” She trailed off, purposefully eyeing the ground instead of you. She hadn’t meant to say it, not so suddenly anyway. Since your fight had begun she had been in her head fighting with herself, she never felt real when she fought with you, like an out of body experience while she watched from her own little snow globe as her body fought for her, her words not her own and her actions picking away at her heart as she watched you recoil from their force. Though she felt embarrassment towards herself linger from her act of open and uncontrolled anger, Alcina realized these fights were starting to come to a peak, and maybe there wouldn't be another opportunity to spill her guts. As horrified as she was, Alcina had to make the split-second decision because she knew her vulnerability and trust meant more to both of you, but once those words were said they left the bitter taste of regret. The vulnerability was already becoming too much, she was painfully aware of your stare and mistook it for disgust. Alcina began to wonder if her decision was the right one, you knew now, and she dared not look at you.

Throughout her life her vulnerability and emotional intensity had not been met with kindness, instead, Alcina had been harshly greeted with pain. No one had just allowed her a moment to rest, and now Alcina paid the price, convinced that she could not rest. Alcina had expected you to now look at her for what she was - a weak, pathetic woman who couldn’t even prove herself to the god who had created her, who had given her everything to make her something she knew she was not in a life before this one. 

You couldn’t look at her like that - you wouldn’t. Not her, not ever. 

Your own lip wobbled as you watched Alcina’s teary eyes glare into the floor, the silence of the room crushing you both while she brewed in her deprecating thoughts. Only once had Alcina cried in front of you before, it had been that day when Cassandra almost crystallized. With the exception of now, you had never seen her so afraid. Her tears hadn’t fallen just yet, but soon they would, and you took a step forward and chanced affection, reaching your hand upwards in an attempt to hold her gray cheek.

You didn’t speak, and neither did she, she couldn’t find her voice and you weren’t sure exactly how to begin. Your touch was soft at first, hesitant, you weren’t certain she wanted to be touched, but soon she firmly pushed back into your hand and you took that as the opportunity to come closer and place your other hand on her other cheek, cupping them. 

Alcina still refused to look up at you, the fear of your rejection horrifying her. There was no way on this Earth that she could handle that, she was starting to wonder how she ever thought you could. 

Gingerly, you began to lift her face to look into her eyes. Those sad, teary gold eyes were your favorite on a normal day. They had been blue once, she told you, showed you even through old but beautiful portraits of herself that had been commissioned decades ago, but you loved these more, for they belong to the Alcina you knew. A small piece of your body was ready to give into your own tears at the sight of Alcina so broken down, but this wasn’t the time and this wasn’t about you - this was for her. By tomorrow morning Alcina would build her exterior back up and store her vulnerability away, not in an attempt to hide forever, but because she did not believe she could wear it on her sleeve as you did. She would go back to taking care of you, not because she had to but because she wanted to, and as much as you loved it so, you wanted very desperately to be her anchor if only for the night. You cradled her as much as her body allowed, bringing her face to rest just below your collar bones as her tears finally made themselves known. You could feel the warm beads break on your skin. 

“Cina-” 

“She treats me the same as those miscreants, and I don’t understand. Have I not done enough?” She questioned herself more than she did you. “She gave me this castle, my precious daughters, and everlasting life, why am I not special?” 

Your heart ached. 

You took a deep breath in and out, pausing for a second to gather your thoughts before carefully speaking your next words,

“I’m afraid Miranda’s capability to extend her love has been gone for a very long time, sweetheart, and that is no reflection of your worth or capabilities.” You felt your words were true. You knew about Miranda’s cause, you knew why Alcina and the other Lords existed like this in the first place. You would never truly know Miranda, especially not whoever she was before the Black God, but you could recognize a woman stricken by an infinite amount of grief. Like sorrow had swallowed you once, like how sorrow currently swallowed Alcina, grief had swallowed Mother Miranda whole, leaving her as someone perhaps her from another life wouldn’t recognize. 

“She is not worthy of you. In my time here I have watched you offer her everything you could possibly give her, you work yourself to the bone for her and she does not bat an eye.” You leaned back straightening your position so Alcina could look at you directly through her puffy, red eyes, “She is not all that matters. You have given your daughters your eternal love and affection, you have offered me your heart and your soul, you do everything you can to love us and keep us safe, don’t you see that you’ve done more than enough already?” You shook your head, astounded by her lack of confidence as she had been degraded so horribly for so long.

Alcina’s chin wobbled, and more tears formed as she stared at you

“You’re special. So special. I’ll repeat it every day to you, day and night, at breakfast and dinner. I’ll tell you it however much you need to hear it, for however long it takes for you to know, my sweet, sweet Alcina. I’ll cherish you endlessly, for you have never deserved any less.” You laid one small kiss upon her lips, not wanting to overwhelm her in such a fragile state, but she reciprocated as quick as she could before you fully pulled away, leaving a soft kiss on your lips before sniffing away the last of her tears and running her knuckles over your cheekbone.

Alcina spoke with uncertainty, the seed of doubt from previous abuse still placed in her mind, “I am special.." 

You nodded, determined to finally chip away at the branches that caged Alcina, “So very special and magnificent. Always."  you finished earnestly, wrapping your arms around her neck and bringing her down for an embrace. She smelt of lavender, her skin soft against your cheek and you savored the small moment of bliss that your embrace held. She wrapped her arms around you tightly, giving you a little squeeze before inhaling your essence. She wanted to stay here forever, wrapped up in you, but she was so tired, the exhaustion combined with her emotional episode had taken a toll on her, but you were more than happy to help. 

She pulled away first, but you cupped her cheek firmly one last time before smiling for her, “I love you so dearly, more than I have ever loved within my lifetime."

Alcina gave you a genuine smile for the first time that night, one that made your heart soar as you yearned for her despite your skin on hers, leaning closer to place a soft, longing kiss on your forehead before returning her gaze to yours. "My sweet cherub, I love you so. I wish you would stay with me forever." She pleaded.

You nodded your head without hesitation, “I will stay with you for as long as time will allow.” It wasn’t forever, neither of you were sure if you would have that forever together, but if there was any kind piece of the world left you would, and for now that hope was enough. 

Both of you stood then, moving to leave the library and return now finally together to your shared chambers, hand-in-hand, comfortable within each other as you planned to spend the night wrapped in each other's arms, taking turns whispering words of affection and love into one another's ear as the night dragged on. If both of you hadn’t been too wrapped up in caring for one another, you would have noticed the three little bugs watching your figures exiting through the courtyard, buzzing excitedly as they made their way back to their own forms, content and snug with the balance restored. 

You supposed your progress for the night hadn't been erased after all.