Chapter Text
Kakashi did actually know what he might have done to deserve the torture that was spending hours at a time every week day in the general proximity to his perfumed civilian born genin. Passing her team was the easiest answer. His guilt told him it was payback for Obito, Rin, Minato and Kushina's death. Kakashi tried his best not to listen to guilt too much, and so he allowed himself the reliefs he could find from this unfortunate situation. So mostly, he slacked. A lot.
It's not like a bunch of information gathering impaired genins could really tell that he was even more late for them than for anything else. Or that his habit to stay well away from them and upwind in any and all situations was deliberate. Or like any of them could tell he was putting chakra barriers over his nose behind the mask, and breathing solely through his mouth in self-defense against Sakura's gross abuse of civilian-grade, chemical based perfumes. Even so, Kakashi was not looking forward to his genins becoming competent enough for C-ranks. Mostly because he'd then have day-long stretches of time in closer proximity to the stink-ball to endure.
The worst part of any training day was reporting to the mission desk for getting and finishing D-ranks. He'd avoid it altogether and fob the kids off to do it on their own if he had any sort of confidence in Naruto's restraint. As it was, he couldn't trust the little blond menace not to cause diplomatic incidents by being thoughtlessly rude to someone important, and therefore had to actually enter an enclosed space with his small pink-haired menace to his enhanced sense of smell twice a day.
It was almost impressive how a half a day outside wasn't enough to dilute the noxious smell back down to reasonable levels. Either she had found the absolute worst perfume available, or she used an ungodly amount of it to start with.
He knew the best solution to his problem was to take the girl aside and tell her to quit that habit, but Kakashi had never in his life possessed anything like tact, aside from the hard-earned ability to just not talk when he knew opening his mouth would result in a disaster. He knew telling a girl that she stunk was definitely in the disaster-provoking category. Also, taking her aside for a talk meant spending time near her, and all his ANBU torture resistance training wasn't enough to make him not procrastinate on that particular distasteful situation.
His entry in the Hokage tower with his team of baby ninjas to report mission success on weeding an old lady's garden was greeted by an Inuzuka chunin waiting in line scrunching his nose while his ninken whined. The Inuzuka brought up a hand to block his nose and looked around. He grimaced upon spotting Kakashi's pink genin, and leaned over to whisper in his jounin squad leader's ear. Said jounin glanced at the hand, the ninken, and signed 'report later' at his squad, who smoothly left their waiting line and evacuated the building.
Kakashi couldn't help the envious glance at the fleeing Inuzuka and ninken. How he wished he too could immediately leave a room when Sakura entered it... The Inuzuka spared him a pitying glance, but it was rather fleeting because he was quite focused in skedaddling as fast as possible.
Kakashi did notice the speculating glance the visibly seduction trained chunin kunoichi that had just had the line shortened in front of her shot the retreating squad, then his own team and himself, but Kakashi really tried his best to never analyze the behavior of seduction ninjas toward himself.
He might enjoy Icha Icha, and go out of his way to be seen reading it by the general populous, but he didn't actually want to have sex himself all that often. For various reasons. Including the potential for bloodline theft upon his Hatake white Chakra. His own paranoia at the concept of having someone both see his face and be really close to him while he was distracted and vulnerable. And, once again, his enhanced sense of smell that made him extra picky about who didn't naturally smell too off-putting to bear having them sweating profusely within arm's reach. So random seduction specialized kunoichi looking at him speculatively was one of these things he ignored with a vengeance.
Kakashi spent all the time waiting in line and then reporting chanting 'a shinobi is one who endures' inside his head, and hurriedly ushered his little monsters out as soon he could, tuning out Naruto's outraged shouts about not letting him catch up properly with "jiji".
The kunoichi was leaning against a wall near the Tower's entrance when they came out. Kakashi frowned as she smiled deviously at him. No, really, in front of his impressionable genins? Not that they shouldn't know about the birds and bees, as well as seduction by now, but he didn't really want them to witness random chunins sucking up to him in broad daylight within less than a month of being their sensei.
He didn't have a choice on this though, there she was kicking off the wall and sashaying their way. Kakashi contemplated shunshining away from the situation since he was done with his teacherly duties for the day, but he couldn't really leave his clueless genins alone with a seduction specialist who had taken an interest on him. At best she'd traumatize them, at worst she'd ingratiate herself to them and become a regular fixture and annoyance to him.
Resigned to getting accosted, Kakashi instead observed her approach to get an idea of her threat level. Reasonably muscled, but nothing that would make her stand out. Dressed in a fairly standard 'well-armored but as sexily distracting as possible' kunoichi getup. Her walk, while typical of a seduction-geared kunoichi looked more like she'd trained herself into being sensual at all times than like she was going out of her way look alluring right at this exact moment, which was weird considering she was fast approaching him.
No more time, she stopped in front of him with a cheeky smile, that once again didn't really look like it had much sexual intent behind it, and extended a hand toward him holding a slip of paper. Kakashi hesitated, but decided to just take the paper and be done with this whole thing and swiftly checked for obvious traps before accepting it and glancing at it. It wasn't any kind of code, just IoU neatly written on a side, the other one free.
"Maa, did I do you some kind of favor without noticing, kunoichi-san?" He finally asked, intrigued despite himself.
She took a pen out of her forearm bracer and twirled it between her fingers with a predatory smile. "Oh, no. I just thought I'd prepare it in advance so you only have to sign it."
Kakashi raised his visible eyebrow. So she wanted him to owe her a favor. Not the first chunin to think having him in their debt would benefit them, and way less annoying than having her throw herself at him. Still annoying though. "Oh, and why-ever for?"
She flipped the pen over so that he could easily take it from her hand, 'coincidentally' pointing it straight at his nose in the process. She shot a quick sideways glance at Sakura before her eyes came back to his and smiled in a way that scrunched her nose cutely. "You sign it, and I take care of your... problem for you." She answered him with a tasteful eyebrow waggle. Kakashi had no idea how she managed to make eyebrow waggle tasteful, seduction specialist sure were something else.
All in all, her hidden message was really obvious, but then, Kakashi's genin weren't observant at all, so Sakura choked a bit, Sasuke turned pink and Naruto looked confused.
Kakashi hummed. A favor owed for having the kunoichi take care of the perfume conversation for him seemed a bit big, seeing that he was a jounin, and his favors had a pretty high value, and she was just some nameless chunin. In the other hand, Kakashi was desperate enough at the constant burn and nausea he was currently experiencing not to care about that disparity. A dim bit of hope lit in his lungs as he snatched the pen and took his beloved book out of it's pouch for a stable backing. He quickly scribbled his Henohenomoheji on the free space, then, just to be a jerk, he stuffed the book, note, and pen back in his pouch.
"Upon delivery." He smiled, delighting in her obvious disgust in the face of his blatant pen theft.
"If you're going to hold my recompense hostage, you don't get to be absent for it. I'm not letting you weasel out of paying me by avoiding me or by claiming I didn't fulfill my end of the bargain." Kakashi was kind of impressed by her courage in demanding things from him.
He shrugged "Fine by me. Boys, you can go. Sakura-chan, come along."
Of course, Naruto yelled very loudly that it was unfair for Sakura-chan to get extra training all alone. Sakura turned beet red, probably drawing very wrong conclusion on what the training might look like. Sasuke fidgeted a tiny bit, still blushing, but very noticeably didn't leave.
Kakashi sighed, trying to think of a way to explain to his idiot that it wasn't really training without sounding condescending toward Sakura, but the Chunin (Kakashi probably should ask for her name sometime soon...) made that unnecessary by shrugging and piping up. "I don't mind, the explanation is going to be the same whether it's to one or three genins."
Oh, if only she knew. Naruto made all explanations three times longer by virtue of being a complete dumb-ass. Not that Kakashi cared. She was the one who would have to deal with inane questions. And even if Sakura felt humiliated at having her error pointed out in front of the boys, it was now officially not Kakashi's fault. "Well, training ground three, then!"
The genins dutifully headed toward their training ground, though Sakura dawdled a bit, which Kakashi mourned, because he was doubtlessly the slowest in this procession, and having her slow down also meant having her nearer to him. "Er, are you really going to..." She asked shyly, still blushing.
The kunoichi looked down at the girl and gave her a furtive smile. "Oh, no. Seduction training is quite long, thorough and intensive, I am definitely not offering it against one single favor. If your sensei ever wants me to train you in this, he's going to have to shell out some serious compensation."
Kakashi watched his little pink genin sag in relief.
"Ano sa! Ano sa!" Naruto interrupted, having apparently turned around and come back when he noticed Sakura asking a question. "Why are you talking about favors and com-pen-sion, nee-chan?"
The kunoichi smirked at Naruto. "I'm civilian-born, Naruto-kun, favors and trade are the only way I can ever hope to get even with clan-born shinobi. Your sensei is pretty famous for his skill. He is, admittedly, also famous for finding ways to swerve around fulfilling his favors in the way it is intended, but what I stand to gain from even one favor from him is worth the risk of him reneging on me."
"You know my name?" Was Naruto's predictable answer to the wrong part of the kunoichi's explanation.
She just chuckled. "With how loudly and often you go around announcing it, I would be a pretty terrible ninja if I hadn't picked it up by now."
"Uh, we don't know your name, though?" Sakura interjected.
"Right. I am Sato Aiko, chunin, specialized in infiltration and seduction. Which automatically translates to some level of assassination or information gathering. Also, yes, Aiko, as in love and girl, but if anyone uses it as an excuse to stick a -chan on me, I will make their lives very unpleasant. I am a chunin kunoichi, unless I'm actively trying to come across as harmless, I expect my fellow shinobi to address me with respect, genins even more so."
Sakura blinked, speechless, and Sasuke inclined his head slightly in acknowledgment. Of course, Naruto went all clueless and proceeded to be insensitive. "Why isn't chan respectful? it's cute!"
Aiko sent him a very pointed stare. "Exactly."
"But why?"
Aiko sighed. "I am a kunoichi. I work hard to be competent and strong and dangerous. Aside from -chan being for girls while I am a woman, I find it demeaning to be constantly reduced to 'cute' just because of my gender. It also denotes to a level of intimacy that I do not easily allow, never mind that people who earned this level of intimacy should know better than use an honorific I hate. So I consider people calling me Aiko-chan outside of a ruse to be overbearing, entitled, rude, and condescending. Did that answer your question?"
Naruto frowned, Sakura looked thoughtful and Sasuke looked bored.
The rest of the way was made in silence (except for Naruto 'quietly' asking Sakura what entitled and condescending meant). Once they reached their destination, Aiko sat down, back to one of the logs and gestured for the kids to sit in front of her. Kakashi went to slouch a bit further away and upwind.
"Right! I'd ask what you think I'll talk about, but I don't really care. We're there because your sensei has never learned to actually communicate. I advise you to avoid this pitfall, communication is really important and helps a lot, even outside of combat situation, talking to one another about what you want and how you could achieve it, and how your teammate could help you, and how you can help them in turn, and being clear when they do something you dislike is a fundamental basis for functioning teamwork. Civilians say communication is key mostly in the concept of marriage, but marriage really is a form of teamwork as far as I'm concerned."
Kakashi raised his hidden eyebrow. he hadn't been expecting her to go and insult him. Must be revenge for the pen theft. Not that Kakashi really minded. Her advice was solid, and he'd have sounded like the worse kind of hypocrite if he tried telling it to his students, so... All good. Besides he didn't particularly mind insults anyway.
Naruto took a deep breath, but Aiko interrupted him with a sharp gesture. "By the way, yelling all the time does not constitute good communication, firstly, because it irritates the people around you and makes them less likely to listen to you, or at least to take what you said to heart. Secondly, because if you don't let the people around you communicate too, you're still failing at communication."
Naruto made a face like she'd slapped him, but didn't actually yell anything back. Which was more than Kakashi had ever managed.
"So, since your sensei never learned to speak about stuff that's personally important to him, and you haven't learned to guess it without him speaking, I took the opportunity to squeeze a favor out of him in exchange for simply educating you on enhanced senses." She smiled happily. "Thanks, by the way!"
Kakashi had a sneaking suspicion that she wanted to annoy him. possibly just for the sake of it, or maybe she thought she could goad him into communicating better? Hmm. Anyway, it wasn't working, he cheerfully eye-smiled back at her.
"What do the bunch of you know about Hatakes?" She waited for their answers and questions and silence long enough to know the answer was a resounding 'nothing' and took up again. "I only know so much, because I am civilian born, and stuff is sometimes hard to find for us, you should ask him sometime. The relevant part for today's conversation is that the Hatake family, or clan, depending on the viewpoint, has had a summoning contract for canines for generations. And thanks to Chakra related genetic bullshit, it means canine traits have bled over in them, kind of like the Inuzuka."
Kakashi gave the obligatory scoff at this, not that he had anything against them, he even summoned ninken rather than wolves himself, but it was one of the clan traditions he didn't mind upholding. It wasn't even that Hatakes and Inuzukas didn't get along, it was more like sibling's friendly ribbing.
Aiko ignored him. "The most well known canine trait is the sense of smell, though hearing is a close second. Now for the sake of perfect clarity, it does mean your sensei can scent track even without summoning his ninken, and that he has a leg up in combat situations from hearing his enemies move even if he can't see them. But, enhanced senses are double edged. Not only is he used to having them to lean on and gets uncomfortable when he loses them, they also make him more susceptible to being hurt by loud noise and bad smells."
She gave Naruto and Sakura weighted stares. Naruto looked clueless once more, so she started out with him. "So when someone bellows right next to his ears, it's extra painful for him, as well as more deafening. And since he's used to having good hearing to help him spot dangers, being deafened makes him feel more in danger, and since he feels more in danger, he gets more vigilant, which makes him pay more attention to what's around him rather than you, and since he's more in danger, and he's forced to split is attention, he also gets shorter with you and more irritable, which will make him more likely to snap at you and to ignore you. Do you get it?"
Sakura murmured a quiet "oh" Sasuke frowned, and Naruto looked down before murmuring "okay". Kakashi wasn't really sure he liked having his weaknesses so explicitly explained, but that was shinobi paranoia speaking. He knew having his genin be more mindful of his senses could only be positive in the long run.
"On the subject of smell, it means he can smell the same things you do more strongly, but also that he smells things you can't perceive. Including chemical components."
Aiko then reached a hand back into her pouch and pulled out a scroll, which she the spread on the ground. It was filled with particularly small storage seals. The common kind, that could be easily learned with some determination, patience, a model, and a seal-writer taking a few minutes to show one in what order to copy the lines. Still, the scroll was obviously custom-made, possibly by herself, which was impressive for civilian-born, in the sense that she probably had an horribly difficult time getting someone to show her.
Aiko placed her finger on one of the seals and put chakra in, then turned her head toward Kakashi, prompting the genins to do the same, just in time for him to wince and stumble back as the smell of civilian-grade perfume smacked him in the face despite being upwind from the leaky seals of the bundle of sample-sized bottles that had popped out. Aiko took pity on him and re-sealed the bundle in.
"As you can see if you investigate labels, civilian made perfume contains a bunch of chemicals, Hatake-san can perceive them, and they definitely aren't pleasant to him."
It was Sakura's turn to look like she'd just been slapped. She looked horrified as she brought her hands up to cover her mouth while blinking rapidly to prevent tears, before squeaking out a strangled "I'm so sorry!" that made Kakashi feel simultaneously relieved and guilty.
"Now, all Konoha clans know this and avoid using civilian perfumes, because it makes no sense to needlessly irritate the Inuzuka Clan. Which in turn means most non-clan shinobi learn not to do it at one point or another. By the time we get to chunin, no Konoha shinobi wears perfume. Infiltration experts are at least chunin and use Yamanaka made pure plant extracts in place of perfume when they want to blend in as civilians for a short operation."
Aiko swiped her hand down the rest of the scroll as she said this, making dozens of corked glass vials pop out. They too smelled strongly, but only of plants and other natural things, which didn't make Kakashi recoil. He hadn't been expecting Aiko to be so thorough about educating his genins on smells. That was definitely worth the favor he now owed her.
"The main reason we stick to non-chemical perfumes for infiltration is in order to stay traceable by scent in case things turn bad and we get captured. Inuzuka ninken know to associate a blend of flowery scents devoid of chemical parts with undercover Konoha shinobi. It has a downside, though. No descent Konoha infiltrator or undercover agent uses civilian perfume, which is it's own kind of tell. That's why I have some civilian perfume in the first place. If I am infiltrating a place guarded by shinobi of another village, wearing these kind of perfume makes them less likely to recognize me as a ninja, or at least as a Konoha ninja."
While Sakura nodded dutifully looking like she was about to take notes and Naruto looked pretty interested in learning ninja stuff, Sasuke finally piped up with a scoff. "So it was a Kunoichi lesson? Why didn't you say so from the start?"
Kakashi winced at his dismissive tone. Insulting kunoichis was such a bad idea, why hadn't anyone ever taught the brat common sense?
Aiko pinned the Uchiha with the frostiest, most disdainful expression Kakashi had seen in a long while. "You know, I always found that distinction downright moronic. Either something is a shinobi skill, and boys should learn it too, or it isn't and there is no reason to waste kunoichis' time on it. You think you could never ever benefit from a grounding on how to pass for a civilian girl or woman? Especially you, with your Uchiha looks and build? If you hold true to your blood, you will be able to easily pass for as female without any chakra use even into adulthood. And even if you don't, there is still the henge. Besides, the time before you're fully grown is really the one where looking like a girl is both easiest and most useful. Once you have grown to full adult height, reach, and chakra pool and have honed your skills, sure, the importance of being able to easily hide in plain sight from stronger opponent will lessen tremendously, but you need to make it to adulthood alive and with all your limbs for that."
Naruto kind of lit up with enthusiasm, while Sakura looked conflicted on how she felt at seeing her crush get scolded. Sasuke, meanwhile had a kind of sulky scowl that translated to something like 'I don't like what you're saying and I plan to ignore everything you've said, I'm just not going to argue because I don't want you to keep arguing with me'. Kakashi was busy wondering why the hell he had never thought of that. It was a very good point. Maybe he'd mention it when he next saw the Sandaime. Or better yet, maybe he'd encourage Naruto to tell the Sandaime. Yes, that was a good plan, it required less talking on his part.
Aiko stared Sasuke down. Sasuke kept looking angry and skeptical. When she finally opened her mouth it was to deliver the most brutal lecture yet. "Oh, so you think yourself so high above disguise, do you? Is it that you think kunoichi to be so inferior? Or is it that you're to prideful to ever admit you're wrong? Oh, or you just can't use a henge?" Sasuke spluttered in outrage at that last accusation. "You are aware that subterfuge, stealth and surprise are the entire basis of what being a shinobi is about, aren't you? Are you really telling me that you're willing to discard a strong advantage for something as inconsequential as pride? Misplaced pride, at that. What are you, a Samurai?"
Oof she didn't pull her punches. Naruto was grinning meanly at Sasuke's dressing down, and was already opening his mouth to mock him when he was stopped short by a glare from Aiko, who then continued her lecture in a less aggressive way.
"Since you still don't look like you're listening to me, how about an example. Let's say it's your first C-rank mission. A retrieval. There is a fire country noble, with some lose blood ties to our Daimyo, who has let his own importance get to his head, and decided he was above laws. A foreign caravan passing through his land had a very valuable item, and the noble took it from them citing that he was related to the Daimyo and it was his right to have whatever he wants. The caravan went to complain about the abuse of power to our Daimyo, and since they too have some political weight and the Daimyo wants to avoid a diplomatic problem with another country, he sent the mission to Konoha."
"The four of you are to go to the noble's castle, find the stolen object, steal it back and leave. You can't kill anyone, and you can't be seen and recognized without a doubt as Konoha shinobi. So long as no one dies and you don't touch anything but the objective, the only complaint the noble could make is that he doesn't have something he was never supposed to have in the first place. The caravan will be happy, and the Daimyo can ignore the problem of his misbehaving blood relation for a while longer."
Kakashi tilted his head. This was a pretty realistic mission, and so long as the noble in question had no shinobi guard, it was a C-rank too. Naruto was grinning, probably at the idea of defeating an evil noble, even if it was just a theoretical scenario, and Sakura seemed to be drinking Aiko's word in. Kakashi guessed she was exited at having a chunin outline a possible mission in realistic terms so she could better visualize what it would be like. Even Sasuke seemed reluctantly interested.
"So your team goes to the noble's lands, hide your headbands and put on masks and you go to the castle. After observing guard patrols, you sneak in, and look at the most likely places for the objective. It's not even hidden, because the noble is arrogant, you take it without problem, and sneak back. Except one of the guards had to go to the washroom and deviated from his patrol, and sees you. Your sensei is of course strong enough that a single civilian guard is no problem to him. He tells you to run out with the objective while he distracts the guard. As soon as you're out, Hatake-san pushes the guard away and runs out after you. He didn't kill the guard. Didn't even harm him, really, and there is no way to tell the bunch of you even are ninjas, even less Konoha ninjas, so it's a mission success so far."
Naruto cheered loudly at theoretically succeeding in his mission. He was lucky he was cute, really. Sakura frowned and elbowed the blond before pointing at Kakashi with an air of reproach. Naruto sheepishly slapped his hands over his mouth for forgetting to moderate his noise level. Damn, what was this sorcery? Thoughtfulness? So soon? Kakashi's future was already looking much better.
"The problem is that now, the noble knows there were suspicious people in his castle, he looks around and sees that his stolen item is missing, so he sends out patrols to find the thieves and take back the objective. You could just stroll out as Konoha ninjas passing through, but he could suspect you and make noise at the Daimyo. It wouldn't be mission failure, but it would annoy him, so it's better not to be seen at all. If you weren't such fresh genins, you could simply make it back by staying high in the trees the whole way back, and stop to hide if a patrol passes, but you can't really tree hop yet. What is the best way to make it out of there without being suspected?"
Sakura immediately raised her hand like an academy student, and Aiko smiled at her indulgently. "We need to disguise ourselves as civilians and walk out like normal, without heading straight for Konoha!" Textbook perfect answer.
Aiko nodded. "And more specifically?"
It was Naruto's turn to answer, though he didn't raise a hand or wait to be bid, instead blurting out at a mostly reasonable volume. "It's best to henge into a family, civilians mostly travel as families." Aiko nodded, still looking at him like she was waiting for more. "Huh... And... Oh, and be girls!"
It looked like Naruto had come to this conclusion more because he remembered the point of Aiko's lecture than because he really knew the underlying reason. Kakashi was willing to take this as a victory anyway.
Aiko took pity on him and explained the plan. "Civilians tend to believe women to be weak and incapable of doing dangerous things. Besides, you were seen by the guard and described as an adult man and and three older kids. My plan is what I would do, but I am an infiltration expert, and exfiltration and escape is part of that, so my plan is pretty good. Firstly, since the guard saw a man, your sensei should henge into a woman. With brown hair and black eyes, around thirty, not very pretty, with plain but mostly clean clothes, and pregnant enough to start showing, but not enough to not be able to walk well. Civilians usually lower their guard even further at pregnant women. Her name is Haruko" Aiko then turned around and gestured at Kakashi to demonstrate. Kakashi shrugged and made the hand signs before turning into the required pregnant farmer woman.
"Now Civilian women never travel without any male escort, because bandits think women are weak too, and being only women walking on forest roads is taking big risks. So Naruto-kun should henge into Haruko's nephew, Keitaro. He's fourteen and he thinks he's already a man and no one can beat him, he is gangly and has brown hair too, but his eyes are green-brown. He has pimples and something that might one day be a beard but really only looks like a silly half-mustache, but he's too proud of the proof that he's a man now to shave, so he has, like, ten hairs on each side of his face, they are not even symmetrical. He has a scar on the chin from hitting himself in the face with the back of an axe two years ago. He walks with a swagger, except his legs are longer than he thinks they are so it's awkward to see, and he carries a wooden club. If anyone asks, he will declare that he'll protect his aunt and little cousins from anything and anyone, and the bandits should fear him."
Naruto made a face at how lame his disguise was, but gamely henged as directed. Aiko gave a few critics until Naruto's henge looked sufficiently familial to Kakashi's. This was a pretty good exercise, actually. Henging as imperfect people was harder, because it demanded a better imagination, but it was also much more believable.
"Sakura-kun is Haruko's daughter, Hana. She is eight and a half. She's very dutiful, and has come along to help her mom carry their purchases. She's very excited at going to the town, so she's put on her best dress. It's faded and a bit threadbare, and a bit too short in the ankles too, but she still thinks she's pretty enough in it. She has her mother's hair, but a bit curlier from her dad. Her eyes are brown, she has fairly plump cheeks, but her arms are muscled from helping at the farm. She's energetic and will run ahead quite often, though not so far that her cousin couldn't protect her in a pinch. Her mom scolds her not to waste her energy because they still have a long way to go, but not angrily, so Hana still twirls around to show off her pretty dress whenever she's forced to stop to let her family catch up. She's also really curious, so she'll poke at bushes, and crouch to look at insects before blowing at them to watch them react, then remember that she put on her pretty dress, get back up and examine her hems for dirt and mud."
Sakura nodded seriously, frowned in concentration, and made her signs. Aiko once again made her adjust a few details, before going on with her exfiltration plan. Kakashi made a show of cradling his belly, then rubbing his back like pregnant women usually did, which made Naruto giggle, Sakura smile, and Sasuke purse his lips.
"Sasuke-kun is Haruko's second daughter, Sayuri. She is six and a quarter. The quarter is very important. She's finally old enough to be allowed on a trip, but she's also very shy. She doesn't let go of her mom's skirt or cousin's shirt, because Keitaro gets annoyed if she grabs his trousers when he's walking. She hides behind her mom whenever they meet someone, and doesn't speak at all when people talk to her. she's got big brown does eyes, which she knows how to use to get her way, and slightly too sparse eyebrows, her hair is as straight as her mom's but light brown from her dad, and she's got naturally pink lips and dimples, though she doesn't smile with strangers around, the dimples still show whenever she pouts or scowls. She also knows how to use her dimples to get what she wants. She's got some healing scratches on he left cheek and hands from picking blackberries. She picks at the scabs, even though her mom scolds her not to or it will scar."
Sasuke's scowl had deepened all through Aiko's description. When she gestured at him to put on a henge, he instead crossed his arms and asked why Naruto got to be an older boy and he had to be a little girl. Kakashi had some trouble stifling his chuckles.
"Because your temperament doesn't fit Keitaro. You'd come across a stiff, awkward and suspicious."
"Can't I be a little boy?" Was the next complaint.
"Civilians automatically dismiss girls as threats way faster than boys, with a pregnant woman and two small girl your team will barely be given a passing glance. Your sensei didn't complain at all when I asked him to be a woman, why are you? Are you just that bad at henge?"
"Sensei gets to be an adult, not a little girl!" Sasuke defended himself vehemently. This was the most emoting Kakashi had seen from him so far.
"Well, I guess you could switch out with Sakura-kun, but the more difference in volume there is to the henge, the more chakra it takes to hold, and you have more chakra than her. And before you try, no, you can't be twins, twins are noteworthy. Nor can either of you be a bit older, the goal there is to not be the same age as the thieves."
Sasuke opened his mouth to argue, and Aiko must have gotten fed up with his attitude, because she didn't let him talk before sternly cutting in. "Are you really telling me you'd put a mission in danger just because your masculinity is too delicate to take looking like a girl for a few hours? Unless you actually are horrendous at henges, the only reason I can see for you to argue so much is that you put too much pride in the stupidest places to use all the tools you have to their best effect. Really, do you even understand being a shinobi, or did the academy skip this lesson? Along with proper nutrition and respecting the comfort of fellow Konoha shinobi? Or did you just think you were superior enough to everyone else that you can afford to discard perfectly good weapons to spare your delicate sensibilities? Are you a ninja, or not?"
Kakashi, Naruto and Sakura stared at Aiko with wide eyes, while Sasuke gritted his teeth and performed the henge Aiko had told him to. Aiko sighed, and gave him a pair of pointers, then congratulated him in a sincere and not condescending way that made him lower his eyes to his knees.
There was a silence until Kakashi discarded his henge, prompting the genins to do the same, the Naruto hesitantly spoke up. "Why did you say the academy skipped proper nutrition?" He asked.
Aiko pursed her lips and asked them to extend their arms, then pushed up the sleeves of Naruto and Sasuke's shirts. "Since I doubt either of you boys is neglecting upper body strength training, the fact that you do not have biceps to speak of means that you're lacking the right nutriments to put on muscle mass. How much meat do you eat?"
When neither was willing to answer her, confirming her suspicion with their silence, she instead turned to Sakura, and took her bony wrist in her hand, then sighed. "Even if you did no physical training to justify your total lack of muscle tone..." Aiko brushed her eyes up Sakura's arm, then skimmed them over the girl's too skinny thighs. "A girl your age should still have baby fat around the cheeks. If you were eating an healthy amount for your lifestyle, I wouldn't see your jawbone so well."
Aiko made an ugly grimace. "You are underweight. For a young kunoichi, that could very easily turn into a death sentence. You don't strike me as the type to dismiss a lesson from the academy. So, if you're not eating enough, it's because no one taught you. I'd advise the three of you to either go to the shinobi library and look up how much you should eat, or find an Akimichi, preferably a mother, because they know best how to look after a kid's diet, and ask them to teach you. Most Konoha shinobi will help a genin who asks them politely to teach them an essential survival skill. Or at least take thirty seconds to point you to a descent resource. Akimichi are pretty nice and generally willing to make sure their comrades eat enough, so you shouldn't have trouble on this front."
Aiko let go of Sakura's wrist and shook her head sadly. "Sometimes I wonder if the academy curriculum is designed with the goal of having civilian born and orphans drop out or die before becoming chunin." Kakashi stiffened at that remark and the bitter, defeated tone it was said in. If it was true... Well, his team was made up of two orphans and a civilian born. He would have opportunity to quiz them on what they had learned. If what Aiko was implying was true, he would report the facts to the Hokage. Konoha couldn't afford the avoidable genin deaths after the blow the Kyubi attack had dealt to their numbers.
With a shake of her head, she snatched one of her small vials and took up her initial lesson again. "My scent kit is large enough to reproduce just about any type of perfume. But that's because I'm a specialist. If you don't have the funds for the whole kit, one flower scent is generally enough to pass as a civilian girl or woman. Lavender is quite handy for that. If you need a non-chemical feminine scent in a pinch and on low budget, the best place to look is a grocery store. Lemon, cinnamon, vanilla and orange flower extracts are quite easy to find and will make perfectly serviceable perfume substitute on a budget. Once again, non-chemical perfumes are handy both because it won't render your sensei nose-blind, and because it will make you easier to find for an Inuzuka led rescue party."
Naruto cocked his head as Aiko sealed her kit back in. "What exactly does nose-blind mean?"
"It means either getting enough of one scent clogged in the nose not to be able to discern any other scent, or blocking the nose from perceiving scents with chakra. Either way, it means he'd be unable to use his sense of smell to help him detect enemies close by, which will have about the same effect as being deafened on his reaction time, paranoia, comfort levels and mood." Sakura grimaced and shrunk in on herself.
Aiko made a slightly sad face and caught Sakura's hand. "I really don't want to humiliate you but this is literally a matter of life or death for you." Sakura jerked back, and both the boys, as well as Kakashi jumped a bit at the grim warning. "Not immediately, sure, but it definitely would have added on to your disadvantage the more time passed. Firstly, your sensei is a jounin, he has enough experience to have a well honed self protection instinct. If being near you hurts him and makes him feel unsafe, he is going to avoid you as much as he can, and stay as far away from you as possible when he can't avoid you. And that means he wouldn't train you. And let me tell you, you only get one jounin sensei. As a civilian born, and a girl on top of it, if you miss this opportunity to learn the most skills you possibly can, you won't get a second chance."
"Even aside from the risk of staying a genin forever, being on a jounin led genin team means you're expected to be at least minimally competent. Your team will get missions assigned based on this assumption. If you're weaker than the expected level, it means you will be sent on missions that are too dangerous for you. And I don't doubt your sensei will do his best to protect you, but there are three of you to protect, and him dropping any of the balls he has to juggle can easily result in death. Yours or one of your teammates. Or even his. And if he dies trying to protect you, the whole team is doomed."
The genin were stark white at Aiko's matter of fact tone and distressing summary. Kakashi would feel bad, but all genin needed a rude wake-up call if they were to survive up to chunin. Kakashi would normally have left them get a bit too deep in a dangerous situation before rescuing them. Aiko's way, sat safely in broad daylight in a familiar place, with all members safe and within arm's reach to physically check up on, was much kinder. Only time would tell if it was as effective.
Aiko grimaced, a sign she wasn't done doling out uncomfortable truths. "Aside from the avoid you for his own comfort aspect, there is another, even more pernicious side." Kakashi frowned. He didn't think she would use such words on him. This was much more than the previous casual insults.
She glanced at him and sighed. "I'm not saying this word because I think he's a bad person. I'm using it because he wouldn't even notice doing it. You see, your teacher is a tracker. He's other things too, but he has a definite tracking specialty. And most high level ninja develop an innate disdain for ninja who are weak to their specialty. If I am able to effortlessly fool a shinobi into dismissing me, I will end up respecting him a lot less."
"Your perfume and bright clothes make you stupidly trackable, he wouldn't even need to try to find you. And so he will not respect you, and if doesn't respect you he won't think of you as someone capable of learning, so he won't try teaching you, and if he doesn't teach you, you will lose your one opportunity to take advantage of his skills and knowledge. Which leads to the genin forever path that I very narrowly escaped myself when my jounin sensei dropped me because my teammates made chunin and I didn't, or to the dead or maimed on a mission path that is even worse."
Kakashi stood stock still. He... wouldn't? ... No... He definitely would have. And just like Aiko said, he wouldn't even notice himself doing it. Maybe he owed Aiko two favors for saving him from the stink and the loudness, and making him dodge becoming an horrible teacher. In the other hand, nah, he was a scourge for good reasons.
"And yes, the same applies to Naruto and his unfortunate loudness and bright orange..." She then smiled and clapped her hands. "BUT! I have just the thing for that!" Aiko then rolled up her perfume scroll then stowed it, pulling out another scroll. "I did say escaping pursuit is a part of infiltration? This is my not so secret trump card."
She then unrolled the scroll and unsealed everything on it. "Those are also scents extracts, and I also bought them from the Yamanaka. Though some were actually crafted by the Nara and Akimichi. And the scent stripping soap is in there too because it's part of the process. Humans have an innate scent, that is distinctive enough to track one individual rather than any human that passed through. Scent trackers memorize someone's scent and then follow it. The classic way to foil that is laying false tracks, but aside from the super secret chakra trick ANBU methods, there is another one. If you cover up your own scent with a naturally occurring one, you can at least confuse trackers long enough to find some water, wash the false scent off and put a new one on. There are downsides, and the dosage needs to be precise, so you don't smell more like your surroundings than your actual surroundings, and you also need to have a full kit, because camouflage scents have to be custom made to the surrounding."
Kakashi's brow lifted. This was an advanced skill-set she was referencing, why wasn't she special jounin? Not that he was going to complain at her generosity. Sure, as a tracker himself, he could have explained that, but as someone more invested in tracking than evasion, and with 'super secret chakra trick ANBU methods' at his disposal from a young age, he knew that Aiko's thing could be done, and the best ways to keep following the trail anyway, but not the exact way to apply it. He leaned forward a bit, curious despite himself.
"The secret is to select the right plant or animal scents, and then avoid going to places where the scent you selected would be out of place. Say, I notice I have a tail in a pine forest. I put on just enough pine extract to smell like a tree and not like a bottle of tree extract and I run away a bit more slowly to be able to ensure I'm not leaving a lot of visual tracks. But ten minute later the pine forest transitions into an oak forest. If I keep going ahead, I'm going to be leaving a very obvious scent trail of the wrong tree essence. So my best bet is to pick right or left, and hope I find running water where I can change my camouflage scent, preferably to an animal that wouldn't seem out of place drinking where i washed."
Then she smiled a bit. "But since you're genins, I'm going to give you my emergency, less material intensive disaster solution." She picked six bottles and then proceeded to uncork each one to let the genins smell them while explaining. "These are pine, and leafy tree smoke scents. You need both to be able to adapt to your surroundings. Though in a pinch you could also just smoke yourselves up in the actual smoke, so long as you hold your breath and shield your eyes. These are boar, deer, and tiger scents. And this is burnt fur scent. These wouldn't work in normal circumstances, but if you're desperate to escape pursuit and in big danger and you don't have the time to do subtle scent engineering... You put on a bit of animal scent, not too much. Plus a liberal amount of smoke and burnt fur, and then you set the forest on fire and run as fast as you can on ground level in a straight line while trying to make your tracks look like an actual stampede."
Kakashi blinked at the inelegant but doubtlessly effective method. Aiko smiled wryly and gently scolded the genins. "This is, of course, only for really bad situations, and preferably in enemy soil. Forest fires are really bad, and they can easily kill innocent civilians, so don't think it's a magic no effort needed method."
She then resealed her camouflage scents rolled the scroll and stood up. "Well, now I have fulfilled my promise. Try to stay alive kids." She stretched, then went up to Kakashi and extended her hand in a clear demand. Kakashi gave her her IoU.
Before leaving, she turned back to the still seated genins and added one last set of advice. "I'm not kidding, though. Ditch the bright color, put on body armor and actual pants, put your hair up in a bun so it's not an easy handhold, and go see an Akimichi to fix your diet and badger your sensei for lessons. I'd rather not see any of your names on that stone."
And then she walked away leaving behind a pensive bunch of genins and a much more hopeful Kakashi.