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“We told you not to go with that drunkard! Look at how he’s treating you! You deserve better than this, son.”, Felix listened as his parents went on and on about leaving Hyunjin while they were on video chat.
“He’s not usually like this since he got over his addiction, he got over it once and he can do it again, just have a little faith.”, Felix defended.
Hyunjin had been put into a rehabilitation center for alcoholism and has been getting better, but lately, he seems to have relapsed and has been going out to drink again for the past few weeks.
-Beep, beep, beep-
Felix heard someone inputting the code to the apartment, ‘He forgot his apartment card again’, he thought.
“Hyunjin is here, I’m going to talk to you guys about this tomorrow. Just please give him a second chance.”, Felix said as he hung up and approached the door just to be greeted by a drunk-as-fuck Hyunjin.
“Hi Lixie~”, Hyunjin cooed. “Did you miss me, baby?~”, he tried to appeal to Felix to get less nagging, but it seems like it didn’t work.
“Where the fuck have you been? It’s dark out and you’re flat-out drunk, you might as well pass out on the street.”, Felix stated in worry.
Hyunjin cups his face, “Shh, shh, you’re too worried sweetheart, I’m home in one piece.~”
“Yeah, get inside, it’s cold-”, Felix stops his sentence as he feels that there’s no metallic surface against his face, “Where’s your ring?”
“Ring? What ring?”, Hyunjin asks groggily.
“I don’t know, OUR FUCKING WEDDING RING!?” Felix snapped at Hyunjin.
“Calm down, honey, I’m sure it’s somewhere on me,” Hyunjin said as he patted himself but found nothing.
“I thought that even if you seem to love alcohol more than me, at least you won’t cheat on me and hide our marriage, but this is what we’re doing now?!” Felix continued to yell as Hyunjin tried to calm him down.
“I should’ve listened.”, Felix mumbled.
“What was that, honey?”, Hyunjin asked
“I should have listened to my parents! I should have left you! I left Australia for what?! Just for you to cheat on me with some bitch you probably don’t even know?!” Felix is too far gone at this point, he quickly grabbed his keys, planning to leave.
“Let’s talk about this, please!” Hyunjin pleaded and tried to block the door but Felix pushed him away.
Felix got in his car and drove at the speed limit, he’s not looking to die, he’s not going to die while he’s bound with that good-for-nothing alcoholic spouse of his. He drove to the Han River and looked over the edge.
He looked at his wedding band and felt it with his fingertip, “Is it so wrong to love you? Why do you make it so hard?” he cried as he took his ring off, overlooking the river, preparing to leave Hyunjin behind. He threw his ring as far as he could while screaming. Who the fuck cares if people are looking at him? He doesn’t. All he cares about is filing for a divorce.
He reached for his phone in his pocket and dialed a number.
“Ms. Minatozaki? It’s Felix, Chan’s friend, can we meet up for coffee tomorrow?”
——————
Felix woke up from his door ringing, “Sir, your breakfast is here.”, the attendant called from behind the door. He didn’t feel like going home so he booked a hotel, he didn’t feel like getting up so he ordered room service. He didn’t feel like doing anything.
*Ring* *ring*
Felix groggily reached for his phone at the bedside table.
“Where are you, Mr. Hwang?”, a woman said on the other line.
“Don’t call me that,” Felix said sternly.
“Ok then, what do you prefer I call you?”, she asked.
“Mr. Lee.”
——————
Felix was sitting in the farthest stall in the cafe, patiently waiting for Chan’s lawyer to arrive. He was too distracted thinking about whether he was doing the right thing to even notice when someone arrived.
“Mr. Lee? Mr. Lee!”, Sana said as she snapped her fingers in front of his face.
Felix was a bit startled, to say the least.
“Oh, Ms. Minatozaki I’m sorry I didn’t notice you, I was just a little distracted…”
Sana sighed and took a seat in front of him
“It’s fine Mr. Lee, so what is it that you want to talk about?”
Felix froze, contemplating if he was making a good decision. He loves Hyunjin, he really does but he just can’t take it anymore. He remembers all those nights when he has to anxiously wait for his husband to come home only to find out he’s been out drinking again. Felix is tired, he just wants things to go back to normal but apparently, that’s too much to ask for.
“Mr. Lee?” Sana asked, worried about the young man in front
“I….I want to get a divorce.” Felix responded
“Are you sure about this?”
He wanted to say no, that this was just a mistake caused by his rash decision making but he ignores it.
“Yes, I’m sure about this”
“Alright then I will be sending the divorce papers in a few days, Mr. Lee”
“Thank you, Ms. Minatozaki”
——————
Upon returning to the hotel, the first thing Felix did was to take a shower, the warm water helped clear out his thoughts even if it was just for a moment, he lay down in bed, once again lost in his own thoughts, this lasted for a few minutes till he heard his phone ringing pushed his thoughts away. Felix felt annoyed by this but when he saw the caller ID he faltered a little bit, he wanted to ignore it but he can’t, no, he can’t do that to him and so he answered it.
“FELIX WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU!?”
Felix flinched
“Well hello to you too I guess”
“WHERE THE HELL DID YOU GO? DID YOU GET KIDNAPPED? DO YOU NEED ME AND MINHO TO BUST YOU OUT? DID YO-”
“Calm down and no I’m fine, I was just staying at a hotel, sorry for not telling you”
Felix heard a sigh from the other line
“That’s good to hear, I was so fucking worried when Hyun-”
“Stop, I don’t want to hear his name.”
Silence
“Felix, did something happen?”
“....”
“Hello, Lix? Are you still there?
“Yeah I am, Can I stay at your house for a few days? I promise I’ll explain everything to you once I get there.”
“Sure no problem, Lix”
Felix smiled
“Thanks, Jisung”
——————
Hyunjin thinks he’s going crazy, when he woke up he realized that Felix was gone. He tried to recall the events that happened last night but he can only remember bits and pieces of it, including Felix getting upset at him but he can’t exactly remember why. He attempted to call Felix but he couldn’t reach him, so he thought that he needed space for the time being. But clearly wasn’t the case, the papers that he’s holding right now have to be a mistake, if this was a prank then this has to be one of the cruelest jokes that Felix has ever pulled on him, he refuses to believe this, not without any kind of explanation from him.
And so he began calling their friends but so far none of them knew where he was either until he called Minho.
“Hyunjin, there better be a good explanation why you’re calling me right now or I swear to God.”
Hyunjin shuddered, despite being their friend this man has never failed to terrify him.
“Yeah hey, Minho do you know where Felix is? I’ve been trying to call him but I couldn't reach him.”
“Hm, he’s with us right now, I’m not sure why he and Jisung don’t want me to listen to their conversation but if it has anything to do with you I will personally make sure that you’re 6ft under do you understand?”
“Yeah sure, I’ll be there in a few minutes” and then he hung up.
Hyunjin got ready, almost forgetting to bring the papers with him. The drive to Minho and Jisung’s house only took a few minutes so he got there quickly. Upon arriving he knocked on the door and the person that opened the door was none other than his husband, Felix.
——————
Felix stood frozen, he didn't understand how Hyunjin found him, he didn't want to face him yet, he wasn't ready.
“We need to talk”
Hyunjin’s voice snapped Felix out of his trance.
“I-”
“Yah! What the fuck are you doing here!?”
He heard a loud voice and when he looked back he saw a fuming Jisung making his way to the door.
“I want to talk to him,” Hyunjin said
“No! You don’t get to do that after the shit that you’ve done!”
“Sungie wai-’
“STAY OUT OF THIS HAN!”
“NOT UNTIL YOU GET THE FUCK OUT HWANG!”
The screams kept getting louder and louder, he was sure that Minho came here at some point of the argument to calm Jisung but he could care less. He wasn’t really sure what’s gotten in to him when he uttered his next words but he just wants everything to stop.
“I’ll talk to him.”
“Felix, it isn’t-”
“It’s fine Sungie, let them talk it out” Minho interrupted him
“But-”
“But Felix is already an adult and he can handle it, let’s go Jisung we need to give them some space”
“He’s right Jisung, I can handle it,” Felix said smiling at his best friend
And with one last hesitant look, Jisung finally left with Minho.
….
“Felix, what is this?”
“Divorce papers, Hyunjin. I want to get a divorce.”
“Why!? You can’t just make decisions without telling me!?”
“You can’t pull that shit on me Hyunjin!”
“Then why won’t you tell me what’s wrong!?”
Felix chuckled
“See, you don't even remember what you did, well how could you any way you're always drunk, you're probably blacked out in every second of the damn thing but it's probably better that you don't remember so you can feel whatever I felt when I kept denying my parents' claims.”
“Felix, look I-”
“Do you even know how many times I turned a blind eye to that vice of yours? How I kept on insisting to my parents that they’re wrong only for you to prove them right! I put all of my trust in you Hyunjin, I know you think that I’m being selfish but it just isn’t fair.” and then he just started sobbing
“...”
“Please just leave, Hyunjin” he doesn’t know what to do anymore and he’s sick of it. He just wants to go back home and tell his parents that they were right all along, he needs to get out of here.
——————
Hyunjin just got back from Jisung’s house, he was currently lying down on their bed staring up at the ceiling, saying that he was tired is an understatement, he was exhausted, both physically and mentally. He didn’t really realize that his actions were affecting Felix that much, he was an ignorant fool and a terrible husband. Letting go of Felix seemed impossible, like who would want to let go of a sweet, selfless, and positive person but he knows that his husband deserves better and so with that, he finally came to a conclusion. Grabbing the papers, he then looked for a pen and signed the divorce papers, ignoring the nauseating feeling that was slowly crawling up to him.
He got up from the bed and quickly got out of the house, taking a walk towards the postal office so the papers could finally be delivered to Felix. Once that was done he stopped by a convenience store to buy some alcohol hoping that it could at least help him momentarily forget his grief.
——————
Hyunjin never imagined that he’ll be standing here, hell, he never even imagined getting a divorce when he and Felix got married but here he was standing outside of the courtroom waiting for Felix so that their divorce can finally be finalized by the judge. Despite the several preparations he’s done, he still isn’t ready to let him go, he loves him yet he’s aware that the pain that he had caused cannot be erased.
The sound of nearing footsteps quickly caught his attention, and when he looked up he sees two people approaching, the one in the front is the lawyer, Ms. Minatozaki while the one behind her is his beloved, Felix. He hasn’t gone back home after their conversation at Jisung’s house, he tried to call him a few times but the only response he got was an automated voicemail telling him to try again later.
“Hello Mr. Hwang, it's good to see that you’re here early.” The lawyer greeted him
“Yeah…I kinda woke up early today” Hyunjin replied but despite that his attention is still on Felix who was awkwardly standing a few feet away from him, he wanted to comfort him and say that everything is alright yet he knows that it isn’t and that after this they would return to being strangers to one another, strangers with precious memories of each other.
“The hearing is about to start, we need to head inside now,” Sana stated
Upon hearing that Felix immediately goes inside without waiting for them, Sana and Hyunjin follow after him. As they got inside, He takes his seat on the opposite side of the court, the room was quiet and it was starting to unsettle him, he keeps staring at Felix but the boy just won’t look back at him, sadly the judge has finally entered the courtroom meaning that the hearing is about to start and so he sends one last glance towards Felix before paying attention to the judge.
—----
His divorce has been finalized meaning he’d be all alone once again. He’s having a hard time processing the events that occurred yesterday, he just can’t believe that they really happened. He just finished doing his errands and so immediately went inside their house, going straight for the couch, and now he was just lying there still trying to let everything sink in. He wanted to prove that he can change and that things can go back to normal, before the addiction and the arguments but it’s impossible for him to turn back time. He sits up then goes to the cabinet near the hallway, when he opened the first drawer and there he finds the picture of him and Felix, the picture was taken a few years ago during his birthday, this made him smile a bit but then he notices a small black and white object next to it, upon further inspection he realizes that it was his missing wedding ring. Hyunjin stared at it for a moment before picking it up, he looked at the ring as if it were the most fragile thing he has ever owned. He wants to cry but he can't, he doesn't deserve to, after all it was his fault for pushing Felix away and now he can’t do anything about it since he’s already out of his reach.