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Joo-won felt himself suddenly overwhelmed when his head began spinning like the floor had been ripped out from under him and he couldn't tell whether it was because of an injury or the fact that all of his senses were filled with blood.
Blood. It was seemingly everywhere. His nose was bleeding relentlessly, he was pretty sure, and it was filling his nose with the squelching feeling of warm liquid and a metallic smell so intense it made his stomach lurch.
It dripped over his lip, between the crack of his mouth and eventually seeped inside – at least that was where he thought the bitter, bloody taste on his tongue originated from, though he couldn't quite tell if maybe the inside of his mouth was bleeding as well. Tentatively, he focused on letting his tongue slide across his teeth, somewhat relieved to find all of them still in place.
It did, however, intensify the sickening taste so much so, he had to bite the inside of his cheek to make sure he wasn't going to empty his stomach out on the spot. That was the last thing he needed when his body was already trembling with disgust.
There was more blood running down the side of his face, too, slowly dripping and getting stuck against his skin, clinging to him tightly. Some of it ran down his neck and seeped into the collar of his shirt, causing it to stick to his skin, all wet and soppy. He shivered against the sensations, both dripping wet and crusting dry, uncomfortably warm yet freezing him over- too much, definitely too much.
From his forehead down to his neck, his skin was crawling in revulsion, itching for him to raise his hands and wipe at the blood and pull on the bloodied clothing but his hands-
His hands were stained red, too. If he looked down at them, he'd see nothing but blood effortlessly hiding the pale skin underneath. It clung to his nails and made the sides of his fingers stick together as the thick substance slowly parched.
The spots on his knuckles were especially darkened, skin rubbed raw so that even the slightest gust of air felt overly sensitive against it.
Right. Air. Slowly, he forced an inhale, ragged and shaky but better than no oxygen reaching his lungs at all. Then, an equally uneven exhale.
Ironically enough, he could hear the sound of blood rushing through him in his ears along with the brutal hammering of the heart in his chest, pumping viciously like it was trying to break out of his ribcage.
Another uneven breath. In, 1, 2, 3 4 – Out, 1, 2, 3, 4. Repeat.
The noise blocking his ears subsided slowly with each breath and, even if it did nothing to ease all the other numbing feelings, it at least allowed him to focus on his surroundings slightly more effectively.
Somehow, he had made it to a particularly familiar house.
Somehow, he stood in front of the gate to Lee Dong-sik's house.
His limbs felt heavy, but he still managed to reach for the ever unlocked gate and push it open. It moaned with a rusty creak so shrill that Joo-won nearly jumped out of his skin. Had it always been this loud or was he just going crazy?
Either way, he moved forward, clumsy steps bringing him up to the basement door, where he stilled. If his mind wasn't occupied with a foggy haze, he would have thought he'd have to get Dong-sik out of that basement at some point.
For now, it took all his effort to will himself to knock at the door. His brain didn't register the spark of pain when his scraped knuckles hit the wood.
He didn't even know what he was doing. He didn't know why he was at this place or how he had gotten there or if Dong-sik would hear his pathetic knock or if he was at home at all or if he would even want to see him or if he'd be sent away immediately or-
The door sprung open lazily, revealing an expected sight- Lee Dong-sik. He was wearing comfortable, baggy clothes and his hair was slightly messy, but not so much so that it looked like he'd just woken him up. Joo-won didn't even know what time it was. It had to be evening, with the red tint that his surroundings were drenched in. Or maybe he really was going insane with all that red liquid clinging to him.
Dong-sik's expression was relaxed at first, but it took no longer than a few seconds before Joo-won could watch his eyes widen in tandem with his mouth falling ajar slightly. Something between shock and horror settled between the cracks of his skin.
“Inspector Han,” Dong-sik called, all alarmed and much too hasty for his liking. Maybe he should have considered that turning up at someone else's place covered in blood didn't really look good for the other person.
Joo-won opened his mouth to say something, but no sound left. Unconsciously, he licked his lips and tasted more blood. The involuntarily sharp inhale came through his nose and helped not lessen the metallic feeling all over his face.
“Han Joo-won!” the other man's voice pierced through him again, panic filling the space between them and he just couldn't get a single word out to reassure Dong-sik he wasn't currently dying even if the tight feeling in his chest squeezed the air out of him until it made him think he might be.
Dong-sik's hands hovered around him, unsure if he could touch Joo-won and visibly getting frustrated by it. So, he opted for, “Just- get in. Are you- Can you walk?”
“I'm fine,” he finally croaked out. His voice came out all wrong, but he figured it was better than nothing.
It made Dong-sik scowl, though.
“Fine my ass,” he muttered, then eventually settled for wrapping a hand around the crook of Joo-won's right elbow and pulling him inside gently.
Dong-sik's touch was the first physical sensation that didn't make his skin crawl.
So let himself be led down the stairs, Dong-sik wavering between going as fast as possible to get Joo-won inside and proceeding carefully enough as to not make him trip. Before his mind could really catch up fully, he was already being sat down on the old couch, the older man hushing something that probably meant “Stay still, I'll be right back” before he headed off.
Joo-won just focused on breathing and not thinking about how dirty he felt.
It didn't take long for Dong-sik to return, now armed with a towel and a box that he assumed to carry medical supplies. Ah, he was fussing too much about him...
“Han Joo-won,” he called once more and this time Joo-won managed to lift his head slightly and face the other still standing in front of him. “I need to know whether you're hurt or not. I swear, if I find out that you came here when you should be in the hospital right now-”
“It's not...that bad,” Joo-won responded slowly, the movement of his mouth urging him to swallow, which proved a lot worse when the metallic taste spread down his throat. “Just a cut and a nosebleed.”
That wasn't the entire truth, but he was certain about not needing a trip to the hospital.
Dong-sik sighed, “Whatever am I going to do with you, huh?” and then he pulled a chair closer, sitting down in front of Joo-won while setting the box next to him on the couch.
Joo-won said nothing in response. He was starting to think coming had been a bad idea after all.
“Turn your head and let me take a look, will you?” Dong-sik hummed, his voice soft and gentle now and it made it hard for Joo-won to pretend his throat tightened solely because the blood was too much.
So he complied, the other wasting no time in examining his face and making sure Joo-won had been telling the truth. Then, he reached for an alcohol wipe and began cleaning the right side of his face. At some point, he placed his free hand on Joo-won's left cheek to hold him still, and Joo-won himself was surprised with how naturally he wanted to lean into the touch.
If this was anyone else, this kind of touch would have set him off even more. But this was Lee Dong-sik and so, instead, he felt it grounding him.
His eyes drifted to the kit next to him. It was mostly white, though there were still signs that there had once been a pattern on it. What did, however, stick out even more was the note taped to it. It was a small piece of paper, crinkled up and sporting a light shade of yellow, clearly indicating it was pretty old. The note read “For my unruly Oppa. Start being more careful” in neat handwriting and, next to the text, a smiley face with its tongue sticking out rested.
The picture felt oddly domestic, something he wasn't exactly familiar with. For things to be domestic, you needed a home and Joo-won had never really had such a thing.
“I used to be reckless in my youth and got hurt all the time,” Dong-sik spoke up when he noticed Joo-won staring at the container. “Yu-yeon always worried too much for me and then one day gifted me a first-aid kit. It was mostly a joke, but it did end up being really useful.”
There was no hint of grief as he told the story, just fond reminiscence. Out of the corner of his eye, he could even see Dong-sik smiling softly.
Joo-won was grateful for that because he didn't think he'd be able to face Dong-sik's grief that day. Not when his own hands were covered in blood that didn't even have to do with any of that. He only needed to add one person between Lee Yu-yeon and himself covered in blood to make that connection.
He shuddered at the thought.
“Ah, but don't worry,” the other man continued before Joo-won could get lost in his thoughts. “The stuff inside isn't nearly as old as the box.”
As if to emphasize, he moved away once he'd cleaned enough to find the nasty cut above Joo-won's eyebrow and opened the box, revealing a neat arsenal of supplies.
Joo-won didn't say that he hadn't worried about that at all.
He thought about how he already missed Dong-sik's gentle hands on him instead.
Luckily for him, they returned quickly, Dong-sik fidgeting with a band-aid before gently placing it on top of the cut. The way he held Joo-won's face while smoothing it out nearly made him choke on air, feeling a different kind of overwhelmed. Being overwhelmed with disgust and horror crawling all over him was one thing but being overwhelmed with gentle touches and soft gazes was a whole nother thing.
“Maybe I should get you one one of these days, hm, Inspector Han?” Dong-sik's face was dangerously close to his as he said it. If Joo-won leaned forward just a little-
Gods. He really must not have been in his right mind. “Does that mean you're worrying about me?” Joo-won retorted, accompanied by the slightest upwards twitch of the corner of his lips.
Dong-sik huffed at that, “If you're still capable of making snarky remarks, then clearly I don't have to worry.”
Both of them knew Dong-sik was very much worried about him. He no longer had to explicitly spell it out for Joo-won.
When the older man retracted his hands again and moved them down to Joo-won's, he instinctively pulled away. “You'll get your hands dirty.”
Dong-sik took one of the bloodied hands in his anyway. “I don't care about that as much as you do,” he muttered while checking for more injuries. “Goodness...is this all yours?”
“No.”
A sigh. “Just what the hell happened to you again?”
Joo-won averted Dong-sik's gaze. He knew he at least owed the other an explanation for showing up unannounced and making him worry, but trying to find his voice was futile. Instead, his hands shook.
“I'm sorry,” he croaked out instead, his throat feeling much too dry all of a sudden. “I...didn't know where else to go.”
His voice had gone so quiet, for a moment he wasn't sure Dong-sik had heard him at all.
“I told you before, didn't I? You're always welcome here, so there's no need for apologies.”
He did remember Dong-sik telling him that, very vividly so, but it was an offering he didn't like to make to make too much use of. He came when he needed to find some kind of release and Dong-sik let him, but he didn't really understand why.
Was he not just hurting the other man with his presence? Was he not but a reminder of 20 years worth of hell? How could he so selfishly try to find solace within Dong-sik when he was sure to be nothing but poison to him?
“Do you want to take a shower?” the other man's question pulled him back out of his thoughts. “Ah, or should I drive you back to Seoul instead?”
“No,” Joo-won blurted out, surprising both of them with the suddenness. “I mean- you don't have to drive me. A shower...would be nice.”
He'd chosen the selfish option again. Just because Dong-sik was too good of a man and offered it to him.
For some reason, Dong-sik snickered as he rose to his feet. “Come along, then.”
And Joo-won did.
“You'll be lucky if those clothes can be saved by the washer. Think you'll be okay if I lend you some of mine?” he continued asking on the way upstairs and Joo-won just couldn't find it in himself to disagree on anything tonight.
The concept of wearing the other man's clothes did make him squirm, but not at all for the reasons Dong-sik probably considered. It felt so...intimate. Was he not crossing one too many lines with that?
“Yes, I'll be fine with that,” he replied sternly.
Dong-sik laughed in response, “Goodness, you're so stiff. Relax a little, will you?”
No, he wouldn't. Not when he was the one selfishly overstepping boundaries in the aftermath of a sickeningly gruesome scene clinging to his skin and his mind.
Still, he accepted when Dong-sik handed him a stack of clean clothes.
“Just leave yours in the bathroom, I'll take care of them later.”
He just nodded.
Dong-sik was just about to finish making tea when he heard the shower stop.
When Joo-won returned from the bathroom, Dong-sik noted he looked at least the slightest bit less worn down, though he was still entirely too pale and the circles under his eyes entirely too dark.
It had been a while since they had last seen each other but he didn't remember his complexion looking that poor before.
“Here, have some tea,” he told him, holding a cup out for him as emphasis. He wished there was more he could do than just that.
Joo-won seemed to eye the object critically for a moment, as if he was contemplating whether it was okay for him to accept, before ultimately taking it with a nod.
Dong-sik picked up his own and then they moved to the dinner table quietly, sitting down across from each other and just sipping tea in silence for a while.
“A primary school wanted to report a child missing a few days ago,” Joo-won started, mumbling into his tea, eyes downcast. “She wasn't coming to school and they couldn't reach the parents. As it turned out, she and her parents were all gone without a trace and no one knew anything.”
Dong-sik swallowed. He hadn't really expected Joo-won to talk about what had happened after all and anything that involved kids was always rather touchy.
It didn't seem too easy for him to recall either with the way he flexed his fingers around the cup uselessly while attempting to find the right words. “In the end, we got a tip that lead us to a lodge on the outskirts of town. When I got there...”
The next breath he took was shaky again.
“You don't have to talk about it,” Dong-sik mused when he noticed, but Joo-won merely shook his head.
“No, I- It's okay,” he assured, though something told him that Joo-won was trying to convince himself of that more than Dong-sik. “When I got there, the child's father was attacking his wife. He stabbed her multiple times. I was able to pry them apart and he started attacking me instead. ”
Another long pause. The grip Joo-won had on his tea tightened. Dong-sik felt a twinge of fear- Joo-won hadn't been lying about the extent of his injuries, right? There was no secret stab wound he had been hiding, right?
“I restrained him eventually but- the woman passed away before the ambulance arrived.”
More silence. Heavy silence.
“And the kid- she had to watch all of it. She had to watch as her own father killed her mother and tore her whole family apart and-”
-and Joo-won was talking himself into hysterics, eyes wandering off to someplace far away and Dong-sik knew, then, this was about much more than just that case. The blood on his hands had been that of the mother to a small child but, in that moment, Dong-sik didn't think Joo-won saw it as belonging to this bunch of strangers.
It was impossible to watch, the way his composure crumbled and the man in front of him seemingly threatened to disappear right under his nose.
Dong-sik had to prevent that from happening, so he moved over to the other side of the table and wrapped both of his arms around Joo-won, pulling him close.
The other didn't fight it, probably didn't even register it at first.
“It's okay, Joo-won,” he whispered, one hand traveling upwards and sliding into fluffy, freshly dried hair. “You did the best you could.”
Joo-won's body shook against his in response. “If I had come sooner-”
“You did the best you could,” Dong-sik repeated firmer this time, unwilling to listen to Joo-won drowning himself in guilt. “Who knows what would have happened if you didn't stop him, you crazy idiot. You saved that child.”
Joo-won had nothing left to argue against that, so, instead, he grabbed onto the front of Dong-sik's sweater, fists curling into the fabric as he hid his face in the crook of his neck.
Like that, they were pressed against each other neatly, leaving little room between them. Instead of making a complaint about the close proximity, Joo-won seemed to hold onto it for dear life.
And Dong-sik was willing to do anything if it meant holding Joo-won together so that he didn't break into pieces.
They stayed like that for a long time, doing nothing but breathing in tandem as if they were one.
“Dong-sik,” Joo-won breathed against him, the hint of a plea carrying through his voice and, before he knew it, two slender hands stopped clutching at his sweater and slid underneath it instead. “I want-”
Oh, and he knew immediately where this was going. Dong-sik stopped him, pulled them apart until they could look at each other.
“Slow down, you're not even thinking straight,” Dong-sik warned, grabbing the other man's wrists to hold them still.
“Dong-sik,” Joo-won whined again, full-on pleading now as their gazes locked. “I need- please.”
And when Joo-won gave him that peculiar look- the one he always wore when haunted eyes were begging to forget about all the pain for just a moment, gods, how could he say no?
“Fuck- fine,” he all but growled and it was all the invitation the other needed to continue moving his hands upwards, clumsily fidgeting with the clothes in an attempt to pull them off. Mercifully, Dong-sik helped, discarding his sweater and his shirt somewhere on the ground next to them.
Before anything else could happen, he pulled the other man into his chest again and swept him off the uncomfortable chair. While Joo-won was taller and broader than him, he was always such a lightweight, making it easy for even someone like Dong-sik to pick him up and start carrying him over to his mostly unused bedroom.
The whole situation was kind of absurd, really. The two of them hadn't put a name on what they really were, not daring to be anything more than ex-work-partners and yet- Dong-sik knew you weren't usually the first person an ex-work-partner would turn to when he needed comfort and a good fuck.
They did this somewhat regularly, finding their bodies tangled up as they fucked, but they would never once kiss. Then they would both fall asleep in Dong-sik's bed and on very rare occasions they would even end up cuddling in their sleep, though, in nine out of ten cases, Joo-won would be long gone and the spot next to Dong-sik empty by the time he woke up in the morning.
It was never addressed between them, either, so he had no real idea what Joo-won was trying to accomplish with all of this. But he couldn't bring it up himself either because the idea of putting a name on it terrified him. The idea of Joo-won belonging to him terrified him more than the idea of that not being the case; Dong-sik was never allowed to keep something as his for too long.
If he just didn't commit to anything, he thought, he could protect himself and, most importantly, Han Joo-won.
Maybe that was why the other had gotten away with just a cut and a nosebleed this time. Maybe, if they were anything more than this, whatever this was, Joo-won would have already bled out from a stab wound in that lodge.
He left that gruesome image outside the bedroom, instead focusing on placing the very much alive Joo-won down on the bed and immediately finding himself pulled along.
Joo-won wasted no time hooking his finger into the waistband of Dong-sik's pants, though yanking them downwards was only half effective with their current angle.
“Gosh, so eager,” Dong-sik teased with a snicker while once again helping in sliding off his pants.
“Shut up,” Joo-won grumbled lightly, then undressed himself with sloppy, hasty movements. Ah, he was so easy to embarrass.
Dong-sik let his hands trail over the pale figure below him, soft motions drawing the occasional shudder from him. Once the shirt came off, his sensitivity was no surprise, for bruises were appearing in the form of blotchy, colored spots over his upper body; it made Dong-sik scowl. So much for only a cut and a nosebleed.
Still, Joo-won seemed more unbothered by it than him, quiet murmurs and pleas pushing past his lips with a need bigger than the consideration for his physical injuries.
Dong-sik would just have to handle him with extra care, then, he thought as he finally wrapped a hand around the other man's throbbing erection. The groan that slipped out of Joo-won was almost maddening; he was always so effortlessly beautiful and fuck if that didn't ignite the low-burning fire coiling in Dong-sik's stomach.
With his free hand, he mindlessly reached for the drawer and pulled out the lube, never once ceasing the movements of his other hand and never once taking his eyes off Joo-won's face.
With ease, he flipped the bottle open and coated his fingers in the sticky liquid all the while being watched by impatient eyes.
“God, you're such a brat, aren't you?” Dong-sik grunted as he positioned slick fingers against his entrance and slowly pushed them inside. “You show up here all miserable and now you're just begging me to fuck you, huh?”
Joo-won full-on moaned, then, face flushed in equal parts arousal and embarrassment and Dong-sik was sure he could drown in the sight. Curling two fingers, the body below him shuddered again. “You're lucky you're so damn pretty like this.”
“Dong-sik,” he hissed pathetically, fists grabbing at the sheets as he rolled his hips against his hands. Joo-won was always so particularly weak for any kind of praise, it was like a magic spell that increased his arousal tenfold in an instant. “Just- please, hurry up, damnit-”
And, oh, if Dong-sik wasn't equally weak for Joo-won pleading like this as he writhed underneath him, all his pride discarded in favor of chasing that high Dong-sik was more than happy to give to him.
Without wasting more time, he lubed up his own dick and swiftly replaced with it the fingers inside of Joo-won. “Whatever you wish for, my prince.”
Joo-won threw his head back against the mattress, helpless moans growing in volume and length.
At least for the moment, the shadows lurking around them lifted and gave away to nothing but pleasure.