Archive of Our Own

“I know what I saw. It was big, it was ugly, and it attacked me”

He grasped her by the upper arms, rubbing his hands up and down to soothe her.

“And it’s still out there, just waiting”

“I may not believe you Stephanie, but I believe in you’ he told her in earnest.

His fingers stroked her cheek, his thumb grazed her cheek bone, and he softly brushed the hair from her face.

His face drew close to hers tilting to the side, as his blue eyes fluttered shut, she closed her own tightly in anticipation.

She had willed herself to just stay still, not to back away. How hard could that be but as she felt his breath tickle across her lips, his nose lightly toughed against her cheek and she couldn’t fight the impulse to flinch away from him again.

“Ohh! Uhh!” she let out while taking several steps away from him and turned around to compose herself.

“What? What? Come On!” Pacey sounded frustrated and honestly quite insulted, but she couldn’t help it.

“Sorry Dawson’s he’s just too repelling.” She explained to the group, wrapping her arms around herself.

They had tried filming the scene several times already that day, the kiss element hadn’t exactly been a surprise, she had seen the script weeks ago, she just hadn’t thought about the ramifications until that morning. As much as she had tried to syke herself up, tell herself it was no big deal, it is just a small kiss. Pacey wasn’t that bad really, he was her friend, and he didn’t have cold sores or halitosis, but she just couldn’t do it.

Prior to the filming she had gently tried to persuade Dawson not to include the kiss, suggested several other ways for the scene to go, perhaps Stephanie wouldn’t be mollified and would push him away, angry he didn’t believe what she had seen, perhaps they could have a tight embrace, or perhaps the camera could pan to the scenery letting the audience draw their own conclusion, but all the perhaps’ Joey could think or would not derail Dawson’s vision, he was steadfast in his belief that the characters had to kiss.

She had reverted to her usual digs at Pacey for lack of an excuse as to why she found the act so difficult. At first it had been funny, Pacey allowing the insults to just roll right off him, he had countered back at her, quips were their usual form of communication after all. But she could see that it had started to get to him, as she got more defensive her barbs grew more personal and mean. His big blue eyes had lost their amused sparkle, and he got that kicked puppy look, she thought she may have even noticed a chin wobble at one point before he called it quits for the day and stormed off. She had wanted to follow him and apologise but Dawson was expecting her to stay and help review the tapes. She had watched him go shoulders hunched, feeling guilt heavy in her stomach.

*****

That evening while Joey and Dawson are reviewing the footage, she tries to convince him again to rewrite it, but he wouldn’t. She knows this was the last chance to tell him the real reason for her hesitance, but she is too embarrassed and isn’t sure if he would understand. Dawson often struggles to see things from someone else’s perspective. She was hoping he would realise that this was crossing a line for her, but he didn’t. He was too wrapped up in his film and wooing the new girl next door to notice how truly uncomfortable she was.

“Jen and I will definitely kiss, don’t you worry. The question is: will your lips ever find Pacey’s?”

“I vote for an extensive rewrite.”

“Well, that’s too bad because you definitely have kissing lips”

Her heart stutters at his words, an unfamiliar feeling twisting in her stomach, her eyes went to him expectantly.

“Check that out” he turns the disembodied replica of her head toward her.

“You give good lip” Dawson states looking very pleased with his handy work, the thing is gives her the creeps.

“You know, Joey, you could always just close your eyes and think of someone else”.

She flops back down on his bed with defeat. She is frustrated with Dawson for not understanding but she knows she only has herself to blame. She’s the one who has lied about being kissed before, but she never has, this would be her first kiss.

In her wildest dreams, or even nightmares, her first actual kiss had never been under these circumstances. Call her old fashioned but she felt her first kiss should be private and at her discretion, not under the direction of her oldest friend. Nevertheless, how could he understand she didn’t want her first kiss to be in front of not only an audience but captured on camera when he didn’t know it was her first kiss?  She knew what Dawson was like with a project, he had a clear vision in his head as to how something would play out, and he wouldn’t stop until he got what he wanted. She knew the tape would be watched over and over, to be dissected and criticised by Dawson. Maybe she wouldn’t turn her head in the right direction, or her jaw would be moving too fast or too slow for the script requirements, it was too much pressure.

With a sigh she flops back onto his bed, if she couldn’t get over her pride and confess to the lie, she couldn’t see a way out of this. She couldn’t think of any other way to get herself out of the whole mess.

Pacey had his first kiss a few years before, one of his older sister’s friend Laura had kissed him at a sleepover for Gretchen’s birthday at the Witter household. He had later found out it had been a dare; he didn’t seem too bothered by this, but Joey had been highly offended on his behalf. She remembers them sitting behind the girl at the Rialto the next weekend and throughout the film the two of them threw popcorn into her hair. Competing to see how much they could get in before she noticed. They had been in hysterics, apart from Dawson, who had been angry at them not paying attention to the film. Unable to put up with him sulking they ended up apologising and paying to go see the same film again the next evening with him.

She hadn’t felt too bothered by Pacey’s lip locking experience but when Dawson returned from Florida last summer full of stories of his time there, an event she had already been highly jealous of, she had felt a pang of hurt when he told them with glee of his holiday romance with a girl called Sarah who was staying at the same resort. He had told them about how he had kissed her, more than once, and with tongues, he made sure to emphasise. She had been curious but hearing him talk about it gave her an uncomfortable feeling in her chest, she was curious to know more but didn’t want to hear Dawson talk about it. She figured it was because now she was the only one in her trio who had never been kissed.

By the end of that summer she was fed up with Pacey teasing her, and even more tired of Dawson’s attempts to stand up for her. She knew his intentions were good, but it always came across as condescending, making her feel even more lacking somehow.

She ended up telling them that her and a boy called Colin had shared a kiss. The whole story wasn’t a complete lie, she had spent the day on the beach with him, he had clearly been interested and he had been flirting with her. She had even been flirting back, or at least trying. Towards the end of the day, they had been sitting on a dock, feet dangling over the edge watching the colour of the sky change over the water, she had thought the setting was romantic, but when he had leaned in to kiss her, she hadn’t reciprocated. She had panicked and turned her face away, his lips connecting with her cheek instead.  She flushed just at the memory of it now, she was still so embarrassed by the whole thing. He had made his excuses soon after and left quickly, his family had left the Capeside the next day, so she never saw him again and thankfully no one else knew then truth. She had been vague about the kiss itself, knowing too much detail is how most people get caught in a lie. When Dawson had pushed for more info, she had said he smelled nice, and that he had strong lips. She didn’t know if this was a thing but neither of the boys called her out on it.

Pacey had kissed a few girls since his first kiss; it wasn’t that he was ever one to kiss and tell but she could always figure it out. When Pacey liked a girl, he would go on and on about them, try to work out if they liked him and plan crazy scenarios be in close proximity to his latest crush. He would stop this talk once he had kissed them, he would get very cagey if her or Dawson tried to get any information out of him, but he would get a little smile that gave him away. She could tell if he had been rebuffed as he would also stop talking about the girl but would get this sad puppy dog look if they were brought up. Something that always impressed her, though she would never admit this to him, was his ability to dust himself off after a rejection and just put himself back out there.

She had a worrying realisation that he had suddenly stopped talking about Ms Jacobs, or ‘Tamara’ as Pacey liked to call her, but she dismisses the thought almost immediately. There was no way the teacher would have gotten involved with her 15-year-old student; she chuckles to herself at the thought of the teen boy’s fantasy. It must have just been a flash in the pan infatuation.

Dawson had not kissed anyone else, she knew he would have told her if he had, as he often lamented the fact. He had had a few crushes but never acted on them, he would talk and talk about them until he inevitably talked himself out of liking them. She suspected the same thing to happen with Jen, but it hadn’t happened yet. Jen seemed to be encouraging his attentions in a coy and innately feminine way that Joey would never know how to attempt to pull off but if she was feeling generous, she could almost believe the blond was doing unconsciously.

When she had first lied, she believed it wouldn’t be that long until she would have her first kiss, so the lie didn’t matter that much. She even convinced herself she wasn’t really lying so much as getting the revelation out of the way prematurely. But now a whole other summer had come and gone, she was at high school, and she hadn’t been close to a kiss with anyone since the failed attempt of Colin. Pacey and Dawson tended to scare away other boys, not deliberately but Pacey would tease anyone who showed any interest and Dawson would become excessively critical. Not that she really minded she hadn’t had any romantic interest in any of the boys at their school, but she was starting to worry she may never be kissed.

Accepting that she can’t talk Dawson out of the kiss scene, and she can’t confess so gives up and leaves is house. She heads into town on her bike, Bessie had asked for her to drop some bits into the Ice House and she decides to drop round to Pacey’s after to check in on him. His mother greets her warmly as ‘Jodie’, she has given up correcting her over the years of incorrect names. Pacey isn’t home, hasn’t been home all day as far as his mother knew, although she doesn’t appear sure. She suggests trying Dawson’s house as he was usually there ‘making a nuisance of himself’ in her words. Joey doesn’t bother to correcting her or letting her know that Pacey had actually left Dawson’s hours ago, she has a feeling she wouldn’t care. She pushes the troubling thought aside as she gets back on her bike, she knows where he normally goes when upset.

For as long as she could remember they had played a game to plan their escape from Capeside. They would choose the best boat docked in the harbour at the time and imagine it was theirs, they would imagine where they would sail away to together, usually bickering over the destination, to which Joey usually won, and who the captain would be, Pacey would usually win this role once conceding the destination choice to Joey. If the boat was big enough, they may have Dawson along with them, or even a crew to serve on them if they were feeling fancy, but it was always the two of them together taking on the world. She realises this is one of the few things they did together that didn’t include Dawson; he didn’t really have much reason to be trying to escape his childhood.

After chaining her bike up at the docks, she makes her way the down the wooden structures until she makes out a figure sitting at the end. Recognising it as Pacey in their usual spot she heads over smiling to herself, but the reception he gives her is frosty at best.

“What now Potter? Want to continue telling me how repulsive I am?”

His jibes lack his usual jovial edge, taking in his profile she can see his jaw is clenched and eyes glassy with unshed tears, she knows she really has hurt his feelings this time and she feels ashamed.

“I come in peace” she raises her hands in a show of surrender before lowering herself down beside him. Luckily the evening is warm and balmy as she only has a thin jacket on over her t-shirt and shorts. They sit in silence for a while both staring out at the water, swinging their legs. Her foot catches on his by accident, so he nudges her back with his own, she must retaliate of course leading to a foot wrestle until they both dissolved into giggles, the tensions between them dissolving with it.

One thing she likes best about Pacey is that he doesn’t hold a grudge, they could always pull each other out of a funk, but she knows she owes him a real apology this time.

“I’m sorry for being a bitch to you about this whole kiss thing Pacey” she mumbles resting her head against his shoulder.

“Pardon?!” he makes a show out for pretending to clear his ears “I must be mistaken, I thought I just heard an apology, could you repeat that please?”

She rolls her eyes fixing him with a scowl “I’m sorry, there I said it again, happy?”

He chuckles throwing his arm around her “Oh I’m just ecstatic! This is an auspicious occasion, sound the trumpets, the proud Joey Potter apologising to a lowly and repelling creature such as me!” he declares with dramatic flair.

“Don’t make me push you in” she tenses her arm around him in the pretence of shoving him into the water

“Don’t think I wouldn’t take you down with me!” his hand flexes against her shoulder warningly.

She gave him a rare toothy grin calling “Truce” She shakes her head in amusement knowing he would happily sacrifice himself being pushed in for the chance to dunk her too.

“I truly am sorry Pacey, I honestly didn’t mean to hurt your feelings, it’s not you. I just…” she pauses trying to find the right words. “I told Dawson I didn’t want to do the kiss, but he just wouldn’t listen, he refuses to understand!” she feels herself getting riled up, the somewhat misplaced anger towards their mutual friend for putting her in this situation, she takes a deep breath try and calm herself. “He’s a stubborn ass!”

“Takes one to know one” he quips, leaning away to avoid the worst of her retaliatory punch to the shoulder “You know there are some women who would jump at the chance to kiss a specimen such as myself” he shakes his finger at her smirking, wiggling his eyebrows at her.

“Specimen” she scoffs “For the sake of scientific research maybe”

“I walked right into that one, didn’t I?” he responds with a wry smile.

She elbows him in the ribs “Pace, it’s just... it’s not…” she trails off not sure how to explain without confessing.

“I get it, I’m not who you want to be locking lips with, trust me I get it” she can hear a tinge of hurt in his voice again, his smile not reaching his eyes.

“Okay” she says to herself with resolve, she turns round to face him pulling one leg up onto the dock, so she is sitting facing him.

“You have to promise this goes no further than us” she raises her little finger up to him “Pinkie promise?” her face deadly serious.

He turns, eyeing her curiously “Okay, I’ll bite” linking his little finger with hers “Pinkie Promise”

“On pain of death!” she adds, “On pain of Death” he repeats back to her nodding.

She can feel the blood rushing to her face just at the idea of saying this out loud, but she had to do this. Pacey was one of her oldest friends and although their relationship was often contentious, it was normally in good humour. She knew how sensitive he was beneath the bravado, and she hated to think she had been another person in his life making him feel deficient, she knew the feeling too well herself. Making a quick assessment that she can trust Pacey with this, she decides to just get it out quickly, rip the band aid off.

“The reason I don’t want to do the kiss in the film is because I don’t want my first kiss to be on camera” she winces, expecting him to immediately start laughing at her, but he just looks at her in confusion.

“First Kiss? But I thought, you and that Colin guy?”

“I lied okay!” she practically shouts at him before dropping her head into her hands in thorough mortification.

After a moment, she realises he still wasn’t laughing at her, she peeks out at him between her fingers.

“Why?” he asks brow furrowed.

“I… I… don’t know really, I felt left out maybe. I was sick of you both acting like you were so much more mature than me now that you had all this experience”

She always hated feeling left out and it would lead to her acting out regularly, and usually violently towards Pacey. The three of them had done nearly everything together growing up, but there were occasions when the Pacey and Dawson would go off and do a ‘boys only’ thing, like camping at their fort, they would come back with private jokes from their time without her.

Pacey looks remorseful “I’m sorry for teasing you Jo, I shouldn’t have done that, you should not have felt like you had to lie” he rubs his hand on her shoulder to offer some comfort, that was another thing that was great about Pacey, he was always willing to apologise when he knew he had done something wrong.

“It wasn’t you so much, don’t get me wrong your teasing pissed me off, but I can handle that. It was Dawson, he kept going on about it, like now he had kissed someone he knew some much more than me. I remember one day I’d had enough of him going on about it, so I told him to shut up because it was gross. He actually said, ‘Don’t worry you’ll understand some day’. As if I couldn’t possibly comprehend the desire to kiss someone, like I was some little kid who still thought a stork brought babies! And he had that smug self-satisfied look on his face”

“I know it well” Pacey acknowledged.

“Grr, he is just so impossible sometimes!”

Pacey laughs at her rant “Look if you just explain it to him, I’m sure he’ll understand”

“NO! You can’t tell him! You promised!” she points her little finger at him accusingly

“Hey, I never said I would tell him, I would never desecrate the sanctity of a pink promise” he sounds affronted at the accusation, only half joking. “I meant you should tell him; I can be there if you like?”

She shakes her head “No I can’t tell him, god I can just imagine his reaction now”. She grimaces “No I would rather just do the kiss than deal with that”

“Wow so flattering! You’d rather kiss me than deal with Dawson, it must be bad!”

“Pace” she soothes, “I didn’t mean it like that, it’s just, well you know what he’s like, the number of retakes, and criticisms, then he’ll make us rewatch it over and over again, poking holes in everything”

“Geez, now you’re making me nervous”

“It’s not that I imagined my first kiss to be anything grand or romantic but didn’t expect it to be at the whim of Dawson and captured forever on film! It’ll be obvious I have no idea what I am doing!”

He took her by the shoulders “Calm down Potter, we can just try to convince him to change the scene”

“I’ve tried, I’ve suggested every possible alternative, given multiple reasons to not include a kiss but he’s not budging” she sighs with resignation, hanging her head.

“There is something we could do” he says hesitantly, fiddling with the fabric on her sleeve.

“There isn’t, he’s not going to change his mind”

“I know, I meant it doesn’t have to be your first kiss”

Her head whips up to look at him, he looks nervous, as though he wasn’t sure if she was going to hit him or not.

“And where am I going to find some boy who is willing to kiss me before reshooting tomorrow?” she scoffs.

“Well,” he cleared his throat “despite what some people may think, you are sat next to a boy, and well, if you wanted, we could, you know” he rambles gesturing between them and avoiding eye contact.

“You want to kiss me?” her tone incredulous, eyes wide as she looks at him.

“Well, I think the was word was willing, it could be like a rehearsal for the film?”

She eyes him suspiciously, biting her lip in indecision “If I were to agree to this, you have to promise not to try any funny business”

“Hey what do you take me for? He gasps with mock outrage

She levels him with a look, before smiling back at him.

“Fine no funny business, Scouts honour” he makes as odd salute she is sure is not the correct one for scouts.

“You were kicked out of scouts!”

“Oh yeah” he smiles at her sheepishly, “The same goes to you though” wagging his finger in her face, she went to grab it, but he snatched it back too quickly “I don’t want you thinking you can take advantage of me out here in the dark!”

“I will do nothing to besmirch your honour” she says with a bow of her head.

“Okay” she decides.

“Okay” he returns. They look at each other for a few moments before he raises his hand and spits on it “deal?” seeing the look on her face he starts to withdraw his hand.

“Look, if you can’t handle a little of my spit on your hand, I hate to tell you what kissing will entail’

After a moments hesitation she spits into her own hand and grabs his. “Deal” she agrees with a firm shake, unable to help herself from quickly wiping her hand off on her shorts after.

He leans towards her slightly and she leans backwards, “You mean now?”

He springs away “yeah, sorry I just thought…”

“Yeah, of course, now makes sense”

“Great” he licks his lips, “just moistening my lips, chapped lips don’t make for good kisses”

“Right, good point” she rummages in her pocket, pulling out a Chapstick in triumph before smoothing some onto her lips.

“Ever prepared Jo, are you sure you weren’t a boy scout?” he jokes, gesturing to the Chapstick he comments “Cherry, good choice” they both laugh a little, full of nerves

Taking a deep breath, she tucks her hair behind her ears and leans forward, this time he leans back, she freezes eyes widening. Panic courses through her, was this whole thing is a joke? Is he about to tell her she’s the punch line?

He must see the panic in her eyes as he brings his hands up to her shoulders, rubbing his thumbs against her upper arms, shifting forward so their faces are inches apart.

“Just want to confirm you are sure about this; you’re not just upset? I don’t want you to regret this later” he looks so earnest it warms her heart and helps her relax.

“I am definitely sure about this Pace”

“Ready?” he brings his hand up to her face, mimicking his actions from the film.

“As I’ll ever be” she responds quietly, her eyes fluttering closed.

She feels his warm breath on her face, his nose nudging her’s moments before his lips softly brush against hers, barely a whisper before they are gone again. She is about to comment when they return with increased pressure. His lips either side of her lower lip, pursing against it. She tries to imitate his movements raising her hands to settle against his chest for support.

Tentatively he runs his tongue along the seam of her lips, she opens them with a sigh, her tongue darting to meet his. The feel of his tongue in her mouth was not want she had expected the sensation unlike anything she had ever felt, but not at all unpleasant. His hand moves to cradle the back of her neck and she follows his lead as he deepens the kiss.

After a few moments, she really couldn’t tell how long, he pulls back resting their foreheads together. Both breathing a little heavily, lips slightly swollen.

“Huh” she says after she has her breathing under control.

“What do you mean, huh?” His voice comes out with a slight squeak, he tries to pull away but at some point, during the kiss she had obtained a tight hold on his shirt, she clings on preventing him.

“I just meant it was different from how I imagined, not bad different, just different” she amends quickly. She hadn’t expected him to be as gentle or tender, she hadn’t expected to want to do it again not that she would tell him that.

“So, you’ve imagined kissing me? Now the truth finally come out!”

“Oh my God!” she slaps her hand to her forehead

“You don’t need to start calling me God, I know I rocked your world, but you can still call me Pacey” He places is hand to his chest with mock humility.

“You are infuriating!” she growls at him before pouncing to tickle his sides, he tries to grab her hands, but she manages to get him with her bony fingers, digging them into his ribs

“Ouch” he yelps “that hurts”

“It’s meant to” she continues jabbing at him, laughing with glee.

“That’s it missy, now you’re gonna get it” grabbing her wrists he pulls her hands away from his sore ribs and rolls them over, thankfully away from the water’s edge. After a short struggle he has her beneath him, her hands pinned above her head.

“You give?”

She knew he had overtaken her in height some time ago, but she hadn’t noticed how much he had filled out elsewhere. She hadn’t realised just how much stronger than her he must be now. They had been fairly equally matched growing up but feeling his weight on top of her she realises he had been holding back recently, he had been letting her win, this irrationally annoys her.

“Never!” She met his gaze with defiance.

He smirks down at her, the glint in his eyes telling her he is pleased, and he wouldn’t have expected any less. Holding both hands in one hand he begins to tickle her.

She squirms against him, using her hips in a futile attempt to try and buck him off.

“I’m going to get you for this” she vows between panted breaths.

He laughs at her attempts, “You just need to say the word Josephine and I’ll stop”

“Asshole!”

“Nope, that’s not it”

Her top has ridden up slightly from the struggle and his warm fingers incidentally contact her bare stomach, it tickles in a different way and they both freeze. The mood shifts between them.

Just as she had warned Dawson of recently, they were older now and it was hard to ignore their physical changes, especially when certain changes in Pacey are digging into her thigh. She appreciates he isn’t the only one affected, she feels her hard nipples pressing against his chest; she knows this isn’t from a chill as the rest of her skin feels flushed warm. She is not sure how Pacey, her friend, in the broadest sense of the word, a boy she sometimes found amusing but more often than not annoyed her, was eliciting such feelings in her. Feeling she had never felt even when imaging kissing Dawson. Although she had never imagined kissing Dawson in this way, she only really imagined a chaste peck.

There is a fluttering low in her stomach, and she can’t help her gaze drifting to his lips, pink and shiny from her Chapstick. He releases her wrists and eases off, so they are no longer pressed quite so tightly together. She feels somewhat bereft at the loss of the contact, a feeling she choses not to inspect too closely.

She meets his eyes; they are dark with lust, and she suspects he can see a similar look reflecting back at him in her gaze.

“Do you want to keep ‘rehearsing’?” his gravelly voice having a funny effect on her. She nods not trusting her voice. Bringing her arms around his neck she pulls him down to meet her eagerly awaiting lips.

Her hands rake up into his hair tugging gently on the soft strands, he groans into her mouth at the sensation. His arm slips under her waist, pulling her closer to him before rolling until she is now on top on him. She focuses less on the mechanics of the kiss this time and just lets herself get swept up in the unexpected sensations Pacey is arousing.

Their kiss evolves, becoming a push and pull. Evocative of their verbal sparring as they tease each other, neither wanting to be outdone by the other.

Pacey’s large hands are splayed across her back, she wonders when they got so big, it feels like they could easily span her entire waist. He moves up her sides, finger griping her tightly, his thumb grazing the side of her breast. Part of her wishes he would touch her, but she’s pleased he is sticking to their agreement of no funny business, although she’s not managing to keep her hands to herself.

She has one hand pressed against his solid chest; she can feel his heat radiating from him through his thin shirt. The other goes from seeking bare skin around his collar, to running down his bicep. Her fingers inching inside the sleeve, clutching at the smooth warm skin she finds there. He rolls them again putting him back on top and her hands move to his back, she marvels at the way she can feel his muscles move and contract under her touch.

She enjoys feeling the weight of him over her again. He trails his lips down her jaw to her neck, his teeth grazing against the delicate flesh before sucking it into his mouth. She lets out a throaty moan her senses overwhelmed, a sound she’s never heard escape her before.

Her hips rock against him instinctually feeling him hard against her. He pulls away gasping in a breath, his hand grips her hip holding her still.

“Woah there Jo” his voice sounds strained “As much as I am surprised at myself for saying this we should stop”

“Did I do something wrong?” she frowns up at him.

“No” he corrects quickly “Quite the opposite, ever the exemplary student I think we have accidentally skipped to the accelerated course.” he adds with a wry smile.

It takes her a moment to realise what he means, “Oh”

She feels strangely powerful being able to affect him in such a way, a part of her is tempted to test how far she can push him, but she knows it wouldn’t be fair and she’s glad he had the presence of mind to stop things when he had.

She bites her lip and looks up at him through her lashes.

“Don’t you look at me like that Miss Potter!”

“Like what?” she flutters her eyelashes, pouting slightly.

“Don’t pretend you don’t know exactly what you are doing!”

She lets out a girlish giggle and he grins at her.

“We should head off before any more firsts are accomplished this evening”

“You wish”

“Obviously” he murmurs, she’s not sure f he intended to say it loud enough for her to hear. He rolls onto his back, rubbing a hand across his face.

She sits up and looks back out across the dark water until she hears him muttering under his breath.

“What are you saying”

“I’m listing things that aren’t sexy”

After a few seconds she pipes up “algebra, arithmetic, multiplication, umm long division!”

“I know you are trying to help, and I appreciate it, I truly do but you need to shut up! You are somehow making those sound-like dirty words. I find it hard enough to concentrate in maths class as it is without actually being hard”

“Just give me a minute then I’ll be fine to go”

She smothers a laugh in her hand and does her best to patiently wait.

A few minutes later he gets up and extending a hand helps her to her feet, she stumbles slightly from the momentum, bracing her hands against his chest.

“I feel much more prepared for filming tomorrow, so thank you” she raises herself up onto her tip toes to reach him.

“My pleasure” he says against her lips as they share a slow kiss. They are drawn together like magnets, as if now this line has been crossed between them, they can’t retreat back into just friends even if they wanted to, and she’s not sure she does anyway.

She hears a cough behind her, and they jump apart. Joey realises just how out in the open they are and how lucky they are no one came along a few minutes ago. Pacey glances over her shoulder and she sees his eyes widen slightly.

“Tama-Ms Jacobs!” he exclaims, before clearing his throat.

“Pacey” she replies, the tone in her voice nettling Joey.

Joey turns to see the woman; she sees the look of interest that definitely should not have been there. Feelings of protectiveness for Pacey as her friend and possessiveness for him as whatever else he may be to her now flare in her.

“Hi, I’m Joey, who are you?” she asks, keeping her tone bland and friendly. Ms Jacobs eyes finally leave Pacey, and she smiles back at her, the smile not reaching her eyes.

“I’m his English teacher”

Joey turns back to pacey, practically turning her back to Ms Jacobs, and tucks her head against his chest

“OMG! How embarrassing being caught making out by a schoolteacher!” she says loud enough to ensure she hears. She grabs Pacey’s hand giving it a squeeze and before turning back round. He squeezes back and interlinks their fingers.

“I’m sure you can remember what is was like to be a kid, all the surging hormones. Can’t have been that long ago, right?” She says with a giggle. She glances at Pacey his face unreadable, but he isn’t looking at either of them. She hopes she isn’t doing anything to upset him but at this moment in time she doesn’t care as long as she manages to get this predator to back off.

“Anyway, we should get going honey, you promised Daddy you’d have me home soon” pulling Pacey’s hand she leads him away, “Bye Ms Jakes” she calls over her shoulder.

“Were you trying to make Ms Jacob’s jealous?” he asks once they were out of earshot.

“Yes” she states, not seeing any reason to pretend.

“Okay, why where you trying to make her jealous?” she stops walking and turns to face him,

“Because she’s your 40 something year old teacher, I shouldn’t be able to make her jealous!”

“Is it so unbelievable that someone might find me attractive?”

“Don’t be dense Pacey, I think after this evening you can’t really believe that’s what I meant?” she lifts their still linked hands as evidence, a small smile plays across his lips “What I meant is that she shouldn’t find you attractive, and even if she did, she should not even consider act on it. Apart from the moral implications it’s completely illegal and will only lead to trouble for both of you”

Pacey frowned for a moment, she watched his face change from disbelieving to “So, what you’re saying is that you find me attractive?”

“Oh my god! How is that what you took away from that?” he shrugs with a cheeky grin

“It’s just Pacey remember?”

“You are impossible” she says with a groan

“Impossibly attractive? Impossibly charming?”

“Impossibly annoying!” she tosses back, she reaches over to jab him.

“Hey, keep your hands to yourself Potter, I’m not just a piece of meat you know?”

She slaps his shoulder again, as they reach her bike.

“I tell you what, I’ll let you take me home as you’ve kept me out so late”

“Sure, I’ll just have Jeeves pull round the Jag” rolling her eyes at him “How am I supposed to do that with my bike?”

“Handlebars” he answers as if it’s obvious. “Don’t worry I’ll let you take the handlebars and I’ll peddle, can’t say fairer than that?”

“Who says chivalry is dead?” she enquires with heavy sarcasm.

“I’m a feminist I’ll have you know, girl power and all that”

*****

Joey hadn’t seen much of Pacey or Dawson all morning, she had caught a sight of Pacey first thing at the other end of the hall as he turned the corner, her stomach had leapt at the fleeting glimpse. She was hoping to get a chance to speak to him to get a gauge what he was thinking about the events of last night but was glad she hadn’t had to speak to him just yet as she had suddenly felt nervous, which in turn made her feel silly.

Their original agreement had been a one-time deal, but she felt they had gone beyond the original remit. Until she knew what Pacey was thinking she didn’t really want to speak to Dawson either as she didn’t want to lie to him, but she didn’t want to make a big deal out of it, if it was only a big deal to her. She couldn’t really explain the situation without revealing her original lie, which would defeat the whole point.

When she gets to the cafeteria, she is pleased to find Pacey sat alone. She knows Dawson is going to be late to lunch as he was planning to speak to the Mr Gold. The only conversation she’d had with him so far today was Dawson complaining he wasn’t given a spot in his class; she had reminded him it was usually a senior only course, but he didn’t understand why that should apply to him. This would be the perfect time to talk to Pacey alone, taking a deep breath she heads towards him carefully setting her tray down next to his.

“Hey” she says wincing slightly, her voice sounds unnaturally loud to her. She feels awkward and self-conscious of her every move, like her limps all need extra effort to do what she wants.

Pacey has just shovelled a handful of fries into his mouth and so nods in greeting. Following suit, she tries to eat her lunch too, the brown substance that had been ladled onto her tray looks even less appealing now than when it she had been served, so she picks at her fruit salad instead.

“You not eating that?” Pacey asks fork already in her food.

“Have at it” she pushes the tray towards him.

They sit in silence whilst he eats, she tries to think of the best way to start this conversation, but her brain doesn’t seem to be functioning properly. She decides this is stupid, that she is being stupid. She will not be one of those girls rendered braindead by the mere presence of a boy. Watching Pacey devour her food at speed she tries to remind herself how she should feel about his actions, it’s gross how fast he’s eating, that there is sauce dripping down his chin, but it doesn’t work. Somehow watching the working of his jaw, his lips moving as he chews is just reminding her of how those same lips felt against hers the night before. She feels the urge to use her napkin to wipe his face clean, so instead just holds it out to him shaking her head with what she hopes is a look of disapproval.

“Thanks Jo” he leans back in his chair and rubs his stomach before letting out a belch

“You’re disgusting”

“You didn’t seem to think so last night” he wiggles his eyebrows at her.

This would be the perfect opening if her brain didn’t sort circuit from the hand, he has slung over the back of her chair brushing against her bare arm. In lieu of being able to think of any response she frowns at him. All the films she had watched with Dawson over the years did not prepare her for how to act in this situation.

She realises she has been staring back at him for too long when Jen shows up, this could be the first time Joey is grateful for her presence.

“Hey guys, do you mind if I join you?” she asks, hovering by the side of their table.

“No of course not” Joey quickly reassures, trying for once to be friendly toward the new girl. Jen raises her brows in surprise but takes a seat opposite them anyway. The trio start to discuss their days so far, who has the most boring teacher, who has been given the worst homework so far. Joey attempts to participate but Pacey’s thigh is pressed against her leg is distracting. He has always been physical person, which despite their antagonistic friendship didn’t usually bother her, but now she is hyper aware of his every move, she doesn’t know if she wants to push him away from her or crawl into his lap. Well, she knows what she wants to do but she feels it would hardly be appropriate for the school cafeteria.

Dawson appears and immediately begins talking about his film, saying they will need to work overtime to get the filming done in time for the festival.

“Joey this means no lip about giving Pacey Lip” he orders.

She knows this is the reason they ‘rehearsed’ last night and has every intention of going through with the onscreen kiss, but she bristles at Dawson’s tone. She also knows he will be suspicious if she doesn’t put up any resistance at all now.

“I’m reaching a breaking point with this whole kiss thing” she glances at Pacey to gauge his reaction; they haven’t discussed how they would play this out.

“Listen, I’m not engorged with this either, ok? It goes both ways.” He side eyes her before turning away. She can’t get a read on him; he looks peeved, but she can’t tell as he has turned away from her.

She presses her leg into his enough that he’ll notice know it’s not an accident. His eyes flick to her, a small smile hitching up the side of his mouth. She can’t fight the smile from spread across her lips too.

Dawson suddenly announces he’s had a major revelation and that he wants to Kill Joey’s character off and write in a new character for Jen to play. Joey one time might have felt slighted to be replaced by Jen as the female lead in the film but finds that she doesn’t really mind at all. Especially not when she feels Pacey’s fingers softly playing with the ends f her hair behind her back.

Jen doesn’t seem happy about this idea initially but after seeing that Joey s find with the rewrite she soon acquiesces. Joey notices her eyes flit between her and Pacey, but she doesn’t say anything, and Dawson soon drags her off to the new role, leaving Joey and Pacey alone.

 She shyly looks over to him to find him staring at her. She feels a tension rising between them.

“So” he says after a few moments, his fingers continuing to play with her hair.

“So?”

“Do you have anything you need to do now?” he asks

“Nope, I actually have independent study next period”

“I have a free period” he lies, she knows he has English now, he knows that she knows this too. She would usually be against skipping class but given the teacher in question she decides to let it slide.

“Do you want...” “I was wondering...” they both start at the same time.

“I would say ladies first but...” he trails off gesturing to her, she punches him in the shoulder in retaliation. He laughs rubbing his shoulder.

She scowls at him getting up, “I’ve changed my mind anyway” she growls at him and stomps off out of the lunch hall.

He scurries after her and catches up in the hallway grabbing onto the back of her rucksack to stop her “Changed your mind about what?”

“Forget it! You are intolerable!”

Getting in front of her, placing his hands on her shoulders to block her path. “Okay, I’ll go first. I was thinking that we could maybe use this time for some more ‘rehearsals’?” he raises his eyebrows at her suggestively.

Joey struggles to maintain her scowl, a smile threatening to pull at her lips.

“But Dawson’s cut the Kiss scene”

“I know but he may change his mind again, and of course there will be other films?”

“Are you just making excuses to kiss me again?”

“Would I do such a thing?” he says with mock innocence, clutching his hand to his chest.

She stares him down, eyebrow raised

“Fine, can’t blame a guy for trying”

She rolls her eyes at him and side steps past him.

She sees him shoulders sag slightly in defeat. Glancing around the hall and seeing there are a few other students but no teachers, she grabs his arm and quickly drags him into the janitor’s cupboard.

With a confidence she didn’t know she had she pushes him up against the shelves at the back.

“After some careful consideration I agree that further ‘rehearsal’ would be prudent” the stunned look on his face morphs into a wide grin and his arms wrap around her waist pulling her against him.

“Well as you know when people think prudent, they think Pacey”

“Shut up Witter” she grabs him by his collar, going up on to tip toes and pulls him down to hers.

“With pleasure” he murmurs against her smiling lips.

His mouth slanters against hers and the warm fluttering from last night returns to her stomach. Flicking the tip of her tongue out he opens his mouth to greet it with his own. She can see this quickly becoming a favourite past time, she’ll never get anything else done if she isn’t careful.

One of his hands slowly inches down to rest on her butt before squeezing it in his palm.

Slapping his hand away she attempts a serious face. “To continue on the accelerated course there is a caveat”

“Oh really?” he asks with amusement

“Yes, you will need to take me out”

“Like on a date?”

“Not like a date, but an actual date”

“Is Joey Potter asking me on a date?”

“No, Joey Potter is suggesting that if Pacey knows what’s good for him, he will ask Joey Potter on a date” she shoves him slightly, making several items on the shelves fall over behind him.

“Hmm” he pretends to think about it, trailing soft kisses along her shoulder until he gets to the mark he had left last night, sucking the already sensitive skin into his mouth she shivers.

“Unless you aren’t interested in this continuing” she says with a nonchalant shrug and starts to pull away.

“Woah don’t be so hasty” he pulls her l back to him, bringing his hand to tilt her face up to meet his.

“I know I have a reputation for being an idiot but even I’m not dumb enough to allow this opportunity to pass me by.

“The opportunity to grope me?”

“No” he denies quickly before amending “Well that too, but I mean the opportunity to go out with you and it not be part of some weird fake double date. If I’d have thought you would say yes, I’d have asked you out ages ago”

“What do you mean you’d have asked me ages ago? You’ve barely even liked me until recently”

“Now you’re being dumb” she blushes at the implication

“I seem to recall you disappearing shortly into our, albeit fake date, that doesn’t exactly scream interest?”

“Well at that time I’ll admit I was being an idiot, but I was under the impression you liked someone else based on your behaviour at the beginning of the evening”

She knows he means Dawson and is a bit embarrassed that even Pacey had worked out what Dawson himself was oblivious too, but she is glad for his blindness now. It would have made things very awkward for their friendship if she had managed to convince him to see her as a sexual being to then discover she doesn’t actually see him that way, not really. She couldn’t imagine pulling him into a cupboard at school to make out or wanting to climb onto his lap in the cafeteria.

“Unless there is a different explanation for that rather pointed line of questioning for Jen, which was admittedly hilarious for a bystander such as myself, it was rather mean even by your standards”

She blushes slightly with shame for her treatment of Jen, who had done nothing but inadvertently capture her friend’s attention.

“I wasn’t really trying to be mean to her.” She admits “To be honest I thought I did like someone else, but I’ve had a recent epiphany”

“Are you comparing kissing me to a religious experience?”

“Oh my god”

“Wow, how many time, it’s just Pacey”

“You are...” he cut her off, kissing her soundly on the mouth, she squeaks in protest before giving into the kiss.

A moment later they broke apart, “You can’t just kiss me anytime you want to shut me up you know!”

“Can’t I?”

“No, you ca..” he cut her off again.

“Hey” she pushes him back, but she is laughing.

“How about we continue discussing this on our date? How is Friday for you?”

“I’ll have to check with my social sectary, but I think I can make Friday work” she replies with a saucy grin.

“Good, now let focus on this ‘rehearsal’ as we have limited time left until our final period”

“I never knew you were so dedicated to you craft?”

“Perhaps I just lacked the right motivation before” he widens his stance, levelling their height somewhat “Now where were we” his hand cups the nape of her neck, his thumb stroking the side of her jaw, their face barely an inch apart.

“I think we are off script now” she replies before closing the gap.