Chapter Text
Sometimes, breakups were messy. In high school, people broke up with shouts and fights. People often bared witness to information that they had no business knowing. Even Izuku’s own parents broke up with screaming matches in front of him where he watched them cry and throw things at the walls. He hated how friends always took sides, and how hatred grew from mistakes they had no part in.
Maybe that was why, when Izuku walked into the apartment he shared with his best friend and boyfriend of 4 years and saw him in bed with a man he’d never met, he didn’t scream. He watched them scurry away from each other, Shoto already stuttering out apologies and excuses, while the smaller nameless man looked utterly terrified at being caught by the number one hero.
“It’s okay, you don’t have to be upset. I’m not mad at you. I’m just gonna grab my duffel and I’ll leave you guys.” Izuku told the shaking man, giving him a small smile. He didn’t look at Shoto. He couldn’t. It took everything in his body to not break down. On the positive side, he finally got why breakups were so big sometimes. All the emotion in him swelled and made him feel like a volcano, ready to burst, but he held it in. He moved to his closet, grabbing the duffel that was pre-packed at all times for emergency missions and started making his retreat.
“Izuku, please, wait, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean-” An icy hand that had previously brought him so much comfort now made his stomach roll in waves of nausea. He cut Shoto off with a shake of his head, not even looking back.
“You can have the apartment. I’ll come by to grab my clothes, but you can have everything else. Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone.” Izuku promised quietly, shoulders already begging him to curl in on himself. He stayed strong, stayed in his hero persona. He could fake it until he left.
“Izuku, I love you! I don’t want to lose you!” Shoto tightened his grip, begging.
“We’ve been in each others lives since we were 15. We work in partner agencies and have all the same friends. You won’t lose me. We’ll still hangout on squad nights and friend functions. We’re friends, we’re just also broken up now.” Izuku told him quietly, still aware of the additional ears in the room.
His breath came out shaky, alerting him that his demeanor was beginning to crumble. He could already feel the tremble of his bottom lip and the shake of his shoulders.
Slowly and without force, he pulled his wrist from Shoto’s grasp and walked out of his apartment, head held up, like the strong person he was pretending to be.
The tears that rolled down his cheeks were silent as he drove towards his mother’s empty house. She was on vacation with his predecessor and mentor turned step father. In that respect, Izuku was lucky to have a space to escape to that was devoid of prying eyes. It wasn’t until he was inside, locked away, that he finally sat on the couch and let the volcano erupt.
Painful wails and never ending tears wracked through his body as he curled up on his mothers couch, completely alone. He wondered if the reason some people broke up in public was that they didn’t want to deal with the suffocating loneliness.
For the next two days, his only two days off that week, Izuku rotated between wallowing in self pity, crying his eyes out, and quietly planning his next steps, alone. He looked for apartments, adjusted his emergency contact list, changed his beneficiary. He was lucky that he and Shoto had separate bank accounts, so he didn’t have to worry about splitting money. The apartment they lived was already paid for, and Izuku knew Shoto would have no trouble paying for the other bills on his own.
Throughout the entire process, even during the waves of tears, Izuku never missed one of his friend’s text messages. He gave all his normal answers, and pushed his same energy. He even made sure to get on his social media and make a few posts like he usually would. Aside from Shoto, himself, and a random person whose name he still didn’t know, everyone thought life was exactly as it has been the week prior.
While their relationship was public, Izuku and Shoto had always been well known for their professionalism and discretion. As pro heroes, they focused on the job, and then themselves later. Of course, there were shots of them holding hands at the store, or kissing in the rain on their day off, but at work, they were Pro Hero’s only. That’s why Izuku didn’t worry about Shoto revealing anything or bringing their drama out during a fight.
The first time they saw each other was a week after their break up, and the two, worked seamlessly together, just like always. It had been a larger attack, resulting in their agencies both being at the scene. Of course, Izuku ignored the pain in his chest, and smiled through it. Afterwards, when the media asked him about the fight and about how he liked working with his boyfriend, he watched Shoto freeze for a moment, but he didn’t break character.
“Shoto is amazing to work with. I truly believe he’s one of the best heroes of our time. I love being able to work with him.”
It wasn’t a lie. He felt that way. He just wished he didn’t also feel betrayed, broken-hearted, and like somehow it had been his fault. Somehow, he hadn’t been enough. He thought Shoto was amazing and loved him, so clearly if Shoto felt the need to cheat, it had been because Izuku didn’t give him something he needed.
Because he hadn’t been good enough.
After he cleaned up from the fight, he spent the first night in his new apartment, curled up on a cold bare floor, bawling his eyes out.
Two weeks after that, and three weeks after they’d broke up, they had squad night. Normally, they met at 4pm so at 3:30, before anyone else got there, Izuku showed up at his old apartment, knocking on the door.
“I came a little early. Thought it would look weird if I showed up after everyone else.” Izuku said as soon as Shoto answered the door. He’d had a key, it weighed heavily in his pocket, but he didn’t dare use it, it wasn’t his place to anymore.
“So, what, we just aren’t telling them we broke up at all?” Shoto sounded angry. Hateful even. His face was skewed up in disgust that Izuku immediately wanted to lash out at. He wanted to scream. The urge to shove his finger into Shoto’s face while he pointed out how it was SHOTO who had cheated. SHOTO who quite literally brought another man into their home, into their bed. Instead, he took a deep breath.
“If you want to tell them, then of course we can. I just thought it would be nice when they found out, they already knew it wasn’t going to change our group. That we were all still friends.” Izuku had clearly said the wrong thing, because steam began rolling off of Shoto's hair, a tell-tale sign that he was angry.
“So, that’s it? We’re just supposed to be friends now? Am I supposed to just forget that we dated for YEARS? Is that what you want!?” Shoto screamed and Izuku stayed silent. His insides broke all over again. His stomach felt like it dropped. Anger buzzed beneath his skin and a deep hurt held onto his heart.
They were alone, Izuku didn’t have to worry about anyone being forced to witness them. He almost opened his mouth and shouted back. He was so close to doing it, but then he looked at Shoto’s anger and deflated. If Shoto was angry at him, that meant it really was Izuku’s fault, and if he caused this, he didn’t deserve to be mad at Shoto.
“If you don’t want to be friends anymore, I’ll leave.” Izuku offered in the same quiet voice that he’d had when he walked out three weeks prior. More steam seemed to roll off Shoto, clearly another thing he’d said wrong.
“I thought you loved me.” Shoto sneered out.
“I do love you. I love you as my friend, my family, and I’m still in love with you, but we aren’t together anymore.” Izuku felt like he was drowning. Shoto sighed and walked away for a moment before rolling out one of Izuku’s suitcases.
“It's the stuff you normally wear. You can come back and pack the rest of it up later. I don’t want to lose you, but I can’t stand to look at you right now.” Shoto turned away and Izuku dropped his head, swarmed with guilt.
“Thank you. I understand. I’ll tell them we just grew apart.” Once again steam poured off of Shoto’s hair while his fists clenched tightly. Then, for the second time, Izuku left the apartment, barely holding himself together.
He waited in the lobby for his friends, his suitcase behind him. He told them all the news, that he and Shoto broke up. He gave them a fake said smile as he told them that they'd just grow apart and that Shoto needed time. He encouraged them to still have squad night without him, to comfort Shoto. He gave each of them a light hug before grabbing onto the suitcase handle with a white knuckled grip, and began to walk away, willing his knees to not buckle in dejection.
He’d never wanted to make his friends choose sides in a messy breakup, yet somehow, he chose for them, and he hadn’t even chosen himself.
The next month, he responded to his friends, he met them for lunch individually, but he wasn’t informed when the next squad hangout was. He spent his nights in his new apartment, with brand new furniture that hadn’t been broken in by friends, alone. He cried. He screamed into his pillow. He replayed the scene of seeing Shoto with someone else in his head over and over again. He wondered where he’d gone wrong, what he’d done wrong.
Two months after their breakup, his phone rang, and he answered, not even bothering to look at who it was.
“Shitty Nerd.” The familiar voice of his once friend, turned enemy, turned rival, turned sort of friend once again, filled his ears and Izuku almost looked around for the camera. Because, Katsuki calling him had to be a prank.
“Kacchan? How can I help you?” Izuku asked awkwardly, not really sure how to talk to the other hero over the phone. Katsuki Bakugou, Pro Hero Dynamight, was the number 2 hero, and worked at his own agency in the city over. It was only about 2 hours, but it usually meant that they didn’t work together very often.
“I don’t need your help, Shitty Nerd!” Katsuki yelled, though it held no real bite. Izuku couldn’t even get mad at the use of Shitty Nerd, which was almost affectionate from how often he’d heard that or Deku over the years. “Ugh, some little bitch ass villain has been robbing banks over here and my analysts can’t figure out how his quirk works. Figured I’d bring in an even bigger nerd than them.” Izuku smiled, knowing that was as close as Katsuki would come to asking for assistance. The thought of getting out of the city, even for just a day, felt like a much-needed distraction.
“When do you need me there? I’ll let my agency know I’m going.”
The next day, Izuku found himself sitting at Katsuki and Kirishima’s apartment surrounded by beer, pizza, popcorn, and the rest of the Bakusquad. Somehow, after helping analyze the villains quirk, Izuku had been roped into squad night, in a different city, and with the wrong squad.
When his usual bubble of nightly sadness began to creep up his throat, Izuku excused himself outside for some air. Listening to the laughter of Katsuki’s friends, it made Izuku miss the hangouts with his own friends even more. He’d never missed two consecutive squad nights in a row, but he knew it shouldn’t make him upset. It was his fault afterall.
If he hadn’t messed up, Shoto wouldn’t have cheated. If he hadn’t of said the wrong things, Shoto wouldn’t have got upset.
“Do my eyes deceive me or has our fearless number one crashed movie night.” Izuku heard the low sarcastic voice before he heard the feet drop onto the landing. Looking over, he found Underground Hero Mind Blank, otherwise known as Shinsou, one of Izuku’s closest friends in high school. They hadn’t been able to retain their closeness after graduation due to work and living in different cities, but they texted here and there. Enough that Izuku still instantly launched himself at the other, engulfing him in a hug.
“Shinsou, I’ve missed you!” He exclaimed, pushing his face into the familiar black jumpsuit.
“Watch those hands, Midoriya. I’m not trying to end up target practice for Todoroki.” Shinsou joked, the same as he always had. It had never failed to make Izuku pull away, face bright red, and slap his shoulder. This time though, Izuku didn’t move. The emotions he’d gone outside to escape suddenly were back full force. For some reason that Izuku couldn’t understand, it was so much harder to ignore the emotions while a friend was hugging him. He had to pull away, already feeling the tears prickle against his eyes. He had to get out of there before he broke.
“It was nice seeing you, but I have to leave. Work tomorrow. Still have to drive home.” Izuku forced out, releasing his friend. He didn’t wait for a response before he pushed the apartment door back open and smiled to the squad. “Sorry, I have to go guys. It was nice seeing you.” Izuku was rushing, he knew that. He could tell they knew as well, but he couldn’t stop. His eyes were filling with tears and he refused to break in front of them. His shoes were on and he was out the door before anyone was even able to get out of their seat.
It wasn’t until he was sitting in his car, crying against the steering wheel that he realized he’d used his quirk.
His passenger door opened and Katsuki, scowl and all, plopped down into the seat next to Izuku. He tried to pretend he hadn’t broken down in his car, sniffling and rubbing his hands over his eyes as quickly as he could, but Katsuki didn’t look impressed with his attempt.
“You picking now to start hiding your crying from me?” Katsuki asked, voice lacking the usual gruffness. When Izuku didn’t make a move to respond, his now passenger sighed. “So, you want to tell me why you just ran out of my apartment?” Izuku opened his mouth, but couldn’t find any words to come out, so he shook his head, going back to resting his face against the steering wheel.
“Deku, why are you crying?” Tears prickled back in Izuku’s eyes, rolling down his cheeks while he stayed completely quiet for a few seconds.
“I’m sad, Kacchan.” He whispered. Admitting it to another person made Izuku feel all the emotions he’d felt for the past two months, all at once. The anger, the sadness, the guilt, the self deprecation, and especially the loneliness.
“Come back inside, you can’t drive like this.” Katsuki leaned over, turning off the car and taking the keys. His seat-belt was undone and Katsuki got out of the car, but Izuku didn’t move, couldn’t move. Not until Katsuki walked around to the drivers door and pried Izuku out of the seat. The arm around his waist as they walked back to the apartment felt like a life line Izuku hadn’t known he needed.
The Bakusquad was waiting for him. Shinsou had taken over Bakugou’s seat and looked as distressed as he’d allow anyone to see. The movie had been paused and Izuku couldn’t help the new layer of guilt that washed over him when he realized he ruined their squad night.
“Midoriya!”
“Deku, are you okay?”
“Why are you crying?”
“What can we do?”
Questions kept coming until Katsuki growled out for them to stop before gently shoving Izuku onto the couch, quite literally on top of Mina and Kaminari.
“Hug the nerd.” He demanded. They both slid over slightly until Izuku fell between them and then covered his body with theirs, clinging onto him and whispering how it would all be okay.
“Ah, the Bakubrother instincts are coming out.” Sero jabbed affectionately. Barely over Mina’s pink hair could Izuku see Kacchan throw a hand full of popcorn in response.
Izuku was allowed to come up for air when he finally stopped crying. He felt drained and like his eyes were the size of baseballs.
“I know it’s a lot to ask, but please don’t tell anyone I broke down like this.” Izuku requested after the silence had drug on a little too long.
“In exchange for our silence, why don’t you tell us what’s wrong?” Shinsou pried lightly.
“Shoto and I broke up two months ago.” Gasps came from everyone except Katsuki and Shinsou, who both narrowed their eyes, looking upset.
“What happened? You guys were together for so long!” Mina wrapped him in another hug and Izuku couldn’t help but lean into the warmth and comfort.
“We just grew apart.” Izuku told them, repeating the same thing he told his own friends.
“If you don’t want to tell us that’s one thing, but don’t lie, Deku.” Katsuki scolded him, red eyes looking furious in a way Izuku could tell wasn’t directed at him.
“Okay, reason aside, we don’t need it. Movie night has been canceled everyone! We’re doing a BakuBreakupSquad sleepover! I repeat, BakuBreakupSquad sleepover!” Mina announced to the room. Sero, Kaminari, and Kirishima all jumped to their feet, making their way to the door.
“We’ll be back with supplies!” Kirishima promised, looking like he was getting ready for a hard mission. Izuku sat confused, looking at Mina who smiled back towards him.
“We don’t need a reason, we just need to know, do we hate Shoto now or are we rooting for you two to get back together?” Mina’s question made Izuku feel like he was going to throw up. There it was, people picking sides.
“Why are those the only two options? Why can’t we all still be friends with him and not want to get back together?” Izuku pressed his face into his hands, feeling miserable once again.
“Well, of course that’s an option bro. We don’t actually hate Todoroki. Unless he was like, hurting you or something, then I don’t want to be friends with him anyway. Breakups are hard, and sometimes people feel a little better when they spend a night having people reassure them, whether it’s that the other person totally sucks or that this is just a rough patch.” Kirishima explained resting a hand on Izuku shoulder before giving it a squeeze and walking back to the door. “We’ll be right back!” With that, they left. Leaving Izuku with Mina, Shinsou, and Kacchan. The latter two, who looked positively unhappy.
“How are things in the Dekusquad, with the break up?” Mina inquired, sitting back down next to Izuku. He shrugged.
“I don’t know. We haven’t talked about it. A few weeks after we broke up, we were supposed to have squad night at his apartment, but when I got there, he said he needed time away from me, so I waited for everyone in the lobby and told them we’d broken up. They had that squad night without me and then I haven’t been invited to any since. I’ve grabbed lunch with them a few times, but we haven’t spoke about the break up.” Izuku told her honestly, only to hear two matching noises of displeasure that sounded oddly like growls coming from Katsuki and Shinsou.
“YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF YOUR OWN SQUAD!?” Shinsou exclaimed, visibly angry.
“What do you mean HIS apartment. You bought that TOGETHER.” Katsuki added on. Izuku quickly waved his hands in front of him.
“No no, I gave him the apartment. It’s only his now. I got another place. Plus, I told them that Shoto seemed upset and they should comfort him!” Once again, Izuku seemed to always say the wrong things, because Mina jumped on the anger train right along Katsuki and Shinsou.
“So, who comforted you!?”
“I didn’t want anyone involved that didn’t have to be. It was our break up, other people didn’t need to get caught in the crossfires. I’ve never liked watching breakups. I’ve never liked people yelling and saying hateful things to each other. I comforted myself.” The silence in the room felt prickly. Like Kaminari had shocked all the oxygen molecules before leaving.
“Do you really have such a savior complex that you’d rather just suffer in silence that make another person look bad?” Shinsou demanded, sounded completely exasperated with Izuku. Katsuki sat on the coffee table directly in front of Izuku.
“I know part of this is my fault. I made you think you had to stay quiet about things. I made you think that you had to deal with your problems all by yourself, but that was wrong of me. You should have told on me back then. I should have had more detentions than I can count. I’m sorry, that I made you think you had to do it alone. I get not liking messy breakups. I get not wanting to lose friends or have that dipshit lose friends, but that doesn’t mean you don’t also deserve to talk to people about shit too. You’re allowed to rely on people for emotional support. Fuck, Deku, I’ve told these dumbasses stuff knowing that I was the bad guy. Mina threw a drink in my face when I told her about bullying you.” Izuku didn’t think he’d ever heard Katsuki talk so much, or so nicely, but he had to be wrong. Then, Izuku remembered how quickly he told Shoto that he wouldn’t tell anyone and he tried to remember if he’d EVER told others when he’d been hurt.
He hadn’t wanted Shoto to look bad. He hadn’t wanted others to view him poorly, because Izuku knew that he was great. He wouldn’t have done something like that unless it had been Izuku’s fault. Then again, Izuku thought for the longest time that Katsuki wouldn’t have bullied him unless it was his fault too.
“Mina threw a drink in your face?” Izuku questioned, trying to piece together his own sanity. Mina wouldn’t throw a drink at the victim. If she did that, it meant that Katsuki had been wrong to bully him.
So, did that mean Shoto had been wrong to cheat on him?
“I’d do it again too.” Mina told them proudly, eyeing the drink next to her.
“Is it ever your fault if someone cheats on you?” Izuku asked them all in a terribly small voice. He didn’t feel like the number one pro hero in that moment. He felt like the small quirkless boy watching his father throw glasses at the wall while he screamed that it was all his mothers fault for their problems.
“Midoriya, no! Did he cheat on you?” Mina’s arms were around him once again and he only nodded. Katsuki took a large breath in through his nose and looked towards Shinsou.
“So, we kill him.” Katsuki declared. Shinsou immediately nodded, standing up.
“Dude, I know tons of places to hide a body.” Mina and Izuku both lunged for the boys, pulling them both to sit back down.
“Okay, start from the beginning, tell us everything.”
So, Izuku did. He told them everything, choosing to only leave out his night time cries and pillow screams. After, he felt better. Lighter. Like, telling other released a certain weight that had set on his chest.
“Damn Deku, that was cold as shit. I’m a little proud of you.” Katsuki told him, a happy smirk. Before Izuku could question him, Shinsou gave a chuckle.
“Like, I’m definitely still going to kill him, but even I feel a little bad for the guy.”
“What are you talking about?” Izuku asked confused. Mina giggled next to him.
“So, basically, Shoto fucked up in ways that you can’t really recover from yes, but he was over here expecting a reaction, anger, tears, something. He professed his love, and you didn’t even blink an eye. You broke up with him, then told him you could still be friends. For him, it was probably like his feelings didn’t even matter enough for you to even care. He definitely deserved it. Cheating? Terrible. Doing it in your bed? That’s a whole different level of disrespect.” Mina explained, at first making Izuku feel utterly terrible and guilty, but they were all saying he was right. They were on his side and it did make him feel a little better.
Shoto cheated on him. He stopped deserving to know how Izuku actually felt the second he brought someone else into their bed.
“Fuck him.” Izuku said, slightly louder than he intended.
When Kirishima, Sero, and Kaminari returned, they had bags filled with romance movies, ice creams, face masks, and so much more. It felt like the classic Hollywood breakup kit that every teen movie had, and Izuku hadn’t felt happier since before the breakup.
While their nails were drying, they bashed men, despite everyone in the room aside from Mina, being a man themselves. They made jokes about petty things they could do to Shoto. Kaminari had pulled up videos of cards that wouldn’t stop singing and were filled with glitter for when people tried to break the card. Shinsou and Katsuki contemplated the best ways to murder the number 3 hero without anyone finding out. Sero had pulled up the most eligible hero bachelor lists and wrote down names for Izuku to call. They ate ice cream until Izuku thought they were all going to get sick. They cried during the sad parts of the movie.
It was nice.
Better than nice. It was amazing. He didn’t have to worry about being polite, or what anyone would think about him. He didn’t have to protect Shoto’s reputation or justify his actions. He could complain and no one would judge him for it.
When he woke up the next morning, the Bakusquad was all around him on the floor. Izuku himself was using Shinsou as a pillow while Kaminari had a leg thrown over both of them as he hugged Izuku’s waist. Sero was propped against the couch, head tilted back to rest against Kirishima, who Katsuki was laying mostly on top of. Mina’s head was laid on Sero’s knee, a hand lightly fisted in Shinsou’s hair, but mostly spread out like a star fish. It was natural and comfortable in ways that made Izuku’s heart hurt. It just reminded him how much he missed his friends.
Izuku’s own squad was never quite as touchy feely and close as the Bakusquad. They would hug occasionally, usually at the end of squad night. It was a little difficult for Izuku, who grew up incredibly touched starved, but it just made him savor the hugs at the end of the month even more.
It felt good. When he was with Shoto, he was allowed some of the touches that he craved so much, at all times. Soft kisses on the cheek, fingertips lightly brushing scars, arms around his waist as he used a shoulder as a pillow.
“I don’t think I’ve ever woken up to someone crying into my neck.” Shinsou jested as he tilted his head down to rub his cheek against the top of Izuku's head in a comfortable motion. Izuku hadn’t even realized he’d been pressing himself closer to Shinsou, or that he’d been crying while doing it.
He tried to move away, but an arm he didn’t know he was laying on wrapped around him, keeping him pressed against Shinsou’s side, with Kaminari barely moving to shuffle closer on his other side.
“Do you guys do this often?” Izuku asked, whispering directly into Shinsou’s ear. He felt the shoulder under him tense slightly before it relaxed completely.
“Enough that I know it’s Mina whose got the death grip on my hair.” Shinsou breathed out a quiet laugh. “She likes how soft it is. Somehow, no matter where she is, one hand always finds my hair. I’ve probably got bald spots from her at this point.”
Without even thinking, Izuku pulled up a hand, and reached up to feel Shinsou’s hair. The action tilted his body to be laying slightly more on the other, the arm around his waist flexing as it kept him in the new position.
In an effort to still be able to see what he was doing and not disturb the hair on the top of the others head, he chose to touch the back of the lilac hair. His fingers trailed up the side of Shinsou’s neck, keeping him on track with his target before he plunged into the plush hair.
Mina had good taste.
His fingers curled on their own, scraping against his friends scalp as he clutched the hair before releasing it and pulling his fingers out. Without thinking, he repeated the action, laying his head back down on Shinsou’s shoulder while he lightly combed out the back of Shinsou’s hair with his fingers.
“It is soft.” He whispered, closing his eyes, and relaxing his arm to rest against Shinsou’s chest as he played with the others hair at the base of his neck.
The next time he opened his eyes, it was to the smell of pancakes and laughter. Kaminari was no longer pressed to his back, Sero and Mina no longer sleeping on the other side of Shinsou, and Katsuki and Kirishima no longer on the couch. It took a second for Izuku to realize that he wasn’t on the ground anymore either. He looked down to see that he was fully laying on Shinsou’s chest, both hands resting on his shoulders and his legs intertwined with the others. Shinsou looked back at his shocked expression with one of amusement.
“Comfy?” Shinsou probed, causing Izuku to scurry off him and onto his feet.
“I’m so sorry!” He exclaimed, feeling embarrassment and shame take over his body. He could feel the heat coming off his face, but Shinsou only laughed, getting to his own feet and then threw an arm over Izuku’s shoulder, leading him to the kitchen.
“Come on, our friends are waiting for us.” Shinsou told him with a laugh.
Izuku looked down at his socked feet, not bothering to suppress the grin on his face.
Friends waiting and happy to see him.
Izuku really liked the sound of that.