Chapter Text
There was no disturbance in the air on this cool September evening. In fact, Rue Bennett would describe it as unusually pleasant.
At her core, she was a simple person—or she liked to believe she was. The only thing it took to get her into a good mood was a good fix. If she had that, nothing else mattered. She didn’t particularly care for physical appearances, material things, or lavish experiences. In this sense, she was a minimalist.
This is why, initially, the September evening was a minimalist dream. It was just her, herself, and her high.
At first, the distant scream she heard wasn’t enough to pull her away from her experience. She crinkled her nose as it resonated through her ears, but she didn’t move a muscle otherwise.
She was aware enough to identify it as a scream of agony, a wailing of pain, but nothing else. No context to why it could be happening, or what relevance it had to her.
“ Rue! Rue!” Her name oozed through the walls. She thought about getting up.
“ Gia—my baby—“ Her mother’s wails still oozed through the door. This time she lifted herself up onto her elbows and looked towards the door. Her eyelids felt heavy, but she pushed through it to tune in to what was happening outside her bedroom door.
The next moments felt surreal, compounded by her elated high. She knew that she walked through her bedroom door towards the source of the screams.
She knew that she had seen her mother in her sister Gia’s room, sitting on the ground with her limp in her arms. She had seen the phone on the ground next to her.
If Rue had to be honest, she was glad that she wasn’t sober when her mother’s screams echoed through the house and when she had seen the expression on her mother’s face.
The hazy memory was already too much for her, it was all too much for her.
This time, it was too much.
The following days in the Bennett household contained a painful silence, frequently interrupted by mournful guests. If Leslie had the choice, she would have chosen to keep the silence, but she barely had the energy to greet the guests, much less ask for space.
She was truly being tested this time, as she was no stranger to grief, but now had to battle resentment.
A constant story played in her mind, one that asked what she and Rue could have done better. She tried not to think about the fact that Rue was only feet away when it happened, but unable to care or notice. She battered herself for not doing things differently, for not trying more, for not overstepping her daughter’s boundaries when appropriate.
These thoughts replayed in her mind and only came to a halt when Rue emerged from her bedroom while she just tried to exist while in the living room couch.
“Hey,” Rue said flatly and sat down in a dining room chair. Leslie couldn’t look her straight in the face.
“Can I… order takeout?” Rue continued. Leslie just nodded weakly.
“My purse is by the door,” she said in a quiet, shaky voice.
There were so many things that normally had her keep her guard up. It felt like she was always doubting Rue, being suspicious of her, being distrustful of her.
It felt different now, but she didn’t know if it was because she couldn’t find it in herself to care, or if she actually trusted Rue to act in both of their interests.
Leslie watched Rue go into her purse. She eventually came back and sat on the couch with Leslie. They had a generic conversation about what to order.
Eventually, Rue brought up the thought that was resting in the back of Leslie’s mind.
“I’m honestly not that hungry, but I wanted an excuse to come out here,” Rue admitted. She looked towards her feet as she tried to formulate her next sentence.
She was doing everything she could to hold back her tears, but the rawness of what she was about to say shook her whole body.
“It was my fault, wasn’t it?” Rue said, sniffling. “It was my fault that she looked up to me and my fault that I didn’t notice that she was dying.”
Leslie didn’t want to say anything. She knew that Rue had no ill-intentions, but she hated that she agreed. She hated that she wanted to blame her as well.
“I’ve never—I’ve never wanted to stop existing so badly in my life,” Rue stuttered and wiped her eyes.
She was generally open about her own thoughts of suicide that permeated her everyday life. But it had now morphed into something different. She had previously held the opinion that her presence wasn’t good for anybody in her life and knew that it would eliminate a lot of stress if she passed away. Her mother wouldn’t have to worry about keeping her alive, seeing her succeed, or preventing Rue from sabotaging her own life. Gia wouldn’t keep experiencing the trauma of an older sibling’s struggles with addiction and mental health.
These realities had been in her mind, but her reasons for suicide were always for her own relief. So that she wouldn’t have to deal with the hopelessness. So that she didn't have to contend with the fact that she would never be happy.
This wish was replaced with a desire to have never existed at all. It was supposed to be her. She was the one supposed to be free from all the torments of being alive. She was supposed to be lifeless in her mother’s arms.
It was supposed to be Gia looking down in the casket, not Rue.
Rue’s next statement surprised Leslie, mainly because it was so out-of-character for her.
“I’m going back to school tomorrow,” Rue said, finally calming herself down. Leslie finally looked at Rue, heartbroken by her state.
“What?” She asked in bewilderment. “It hasn’t even been a week.”
“I know, I just need a distraction. I can’t… I can’t stay in this house,” Rue said. She looked around the room nervously. The more she was in the house, the more things compounded. She needed something, anything , to focus on other than her current reality.
Thankfully, including drugs, there were a multitude of things to occupy her mind.
She had always been strategic and the act of tricking herself was no exception.
The first thing on her agenda was isolation, but she was also smart enough to know that it could quickly backfire on her. Sure, it felt like everyone at the school knew what had happened, but the people she had known previously reminded her of Gia the most. The drugs reminded her of Gia, but she knew that getting rid of those was easier said than done.
Getting rid of people also wasn’t easy, but she had a plan for that too. Firstly, she wasn’t going to talk to any of her old acquaintances. If any of them gave her shit for it, all she had to mention was Gia. It was her way of processing grief.
Perfect, Rue thought while standing in her school’s hall in front of a bulletin board. Something called the Academic Decathlon was needing members badly. Rue knew that they would take her in a heartbeat and something with the word academic would have to occupy her.
She took a picture with her phone and made a mental note to attend one of their meetings happening later.
All Rue could do for now was walk down the hall and look straight ahead.
It’s like I walked into an alternate reality with losers , Rue thought while stepping into the classroom for the Decathlon meeting.
It was a completely different world with people she recognized, but with nobody she had ever befriended.
One thing she was certain of: nobody in the classroom had ever done anything more than weed. They would never.
Rue flopped into an open seat away from the group of people who clearly knew each other. She cringed mildly as an older man with glasses approached her.
“It’s good to see a fresh face around here, I don’t believe we’ve met before,” the man held out his hand for Rue to shake. “I’m the coach, Mr. Harrington.”
Rue grabbed his hand, barely shaking it and kept a stoic face.
“Rue,” she said flatly. Mr. Harrington awkwardly grinned to himself, unsure of her response. Rue could tell that he hesitated on his next words.
“Unfortunately we can’t club members who are just spectators, Rue—“ Mr. Harrington began. Rue lowered her brows and changed her tone.
“Oh, Mr. Harrington, I have every intention of competing in this…” she trailed off and looked around the room, trying to find a reminder of the club’s title.
Her eyes instead connected with another student’s. He looked to be in the same grade as her and sported a smug grin.
“Decathlon,” he stated. Rue nodded with a tight mouth and avoided eye contact with both of them.
“ Right… that,” she affirmed.
If Rue had to be honest, she couldn’t care less if she got onto the team. She could at least say that she tried. If not this team, there’d be another club to occupy herself with.
“Wait, Mister Harrington, before you say anything—“ the smug boy whispered with desperation. “We really, really need more members.”
The teacher looked at Rue and she put an unenthusiastic, surprised look on her face.
“I’m not in any other extracurriculars so I’d be all yours,” Rue shrugged. Mister Harrington looked at Rue and then back at the boy.
“ Peter…” he emphasized. Rue knew there were numerous things he wished he could say about her, it was impossible to not know about her reputation.
The poor man had a internal conflict.
Eventually, he sighed.
“You can join the team, but I’m going to need to see some real commitment,” Mister Harrington said, crossing his arms.
Rue was trying not to look at Peter, still standing there, obviously elated. She was able to see him mouth, you’ll get there, he’s always a hardass at first, and he’s flexible.
“Well then, Peter, I’ll leave it to you to get her up to speed,” Mister Harrington walked back to the rest of the group.
Peter grinned at Rue. She just raised her eyebrows, giving her best attempt at a grin back.
“Wow, we finally have a new member,” Peter said while pulling a chair up to the desk Rue was sitting at. She watched with wide eyes as he casually began to discuss the team.
“I know it might seem kind of intimidating at first, but you’ll get the hang of it. I mean, if you do pretty well in class, you’ll do well here,” he explained. Rue could tell he was wanting her to mention her own academic performance.
She kept her mouth closed. No need to oust herself yet.
“Okay,” she said. There was a brief pause of silence.
“Oh, I never introduced myself—I’m Peter, the captain,” he held his hand out to her. She groaned silently at having to shake yet another hand.
“Rue,” she said with a similar flatness as before.
“So they’re going to do some practicing, while they’re doing that, is it okay if I give you some practice questions, just to see where you’re at?” Peter asked her. She shrugged. It seemed like they weren’t going to kick her out, even if she sucked.
“Okay, you can pick the subject, since we’re just jumping into this,” Peter pulled out a booklet and opened it to the first page. He rotated it so Rue could read it. She bit her lip while reading the options.
What is the easiest one… she thought to herself while reading the options.
“…Social Science,” Rue decided. Peter put the booklet back in front of himself and flipped through the pages. He lifted the book up so Rue couldn’t see the page.
“Which of the following is the best reason for describing World War I as the first ‘Total War’?” Peter said triumphantly. Rue felt like her eyes were going to glaze over as Peter listed four possible answers.
She felt flustered and completely clueless. All of the potential answers he listed sounded correct, or true at least.
This was just trickery, wasn’t it?
Total war… total war. What would make something not a complete war? She thought to herself. She tried to push through her brain fog.
“The first one,” she decided. She wasn’t sure, but gave her answer confidently.
“Extensive mobilization of the civilian sector… is…” Peter gave a long pause while looking in the back for the answer. “Correct!”
Rue frowned. She was right? She knew jackshit about World War I. She was just using common sense.
“Really? I honestly had no idea,” she admitted.
“Next question. All the following are examples of highly multi-ethnic European empires before 1914 except… Russia, Austria-Hungary, Germany, Italy, or the Ottoman Empire.” Peter put down the book completely this time while waiting for Rue’s answer.
Rue narrowed her eyes and looked up, trying to logic her way out of this question as well.
“Fuck…” she said under her breath. She caught a surprised look on Peter’s face.
“Sorry… uh, Italy?” She guessed again, looking away this time.
“Exactly,” Peter gave her a genuine grin. “See, you’re a natural.” He picked up the booklet again as Rue felt her face warm.
She didn’t consider herself to have school smarts, it was hard when you were always only half paying-attention in class.
It felt good to be right, still. But this pride faded away as Peter read the next question.
“When Turkey declared the unilateral renunciation of the capitulations in 1914, this meant that—“ but before he could give the options, Rue interrupted him.
“Hold on, you lost me, declared the what in the what?” She asked. Instead of continuing Peter closed the booklet again.
“That’s why we, even the experienced people, still practice,” he waved his hand over to the existing group who was doing a similar activity, except with a speed component.
Rue crossed her arms. She had hoped that it was all logical, but the need to improve? She wasn’t trying to become some kind of prodigy, she just needed a distraction.
“I dunno… I don’t think I have what it takes,” Rue sighed. She was trying to find a way out now. She picked up her things and began to stand up.
“Woah! Wait, wait, you got your first two questions right in a row— what do you mean you don’t have what it takes? How’d you decide that?” Peter said, also standing up. Rue could tell that he was ready to chase her to the door if it came to it.
“I couldn’t even understand the last question you told me. I guess my vocabulary isn’t that big? Who fuckin’ knows—“ Rue was now actively heading towards the door, formulating a dozen reasons why she didn’t belong there.
“Rue! No, wait, there’s words I don’t even know in here,” Peter said frantically while following her to the door and flipping through pages. “Look, there’s a word I don’t know right here— it’s really—“ Peter had now officially followed Rue out in the hall.
“Look, Peter,” Rue said bluntly. “I’m a fluke. I was just lucky and completely guessed on those other questions. You’re all too good for me and I belong somewhere, like, in the stupid kids club.” Rue could tell Peter wanted to get a word in, but she continued.
“I don’t know if you’ve heard about me either, but I’m just a total fuck-up and not someone you want on your team,” she huffed. “You saw the way Harrington looked at me—it wasn’t for no reason.”
Rue and Peter stood in the empty hall. All Rue could think about were the pills in her backpack.
“ Wow, okay.” Peter whispered to himself and fidgeted in place. Rue just looked at him, ready to walk away if he didn’t spit something out soon. He looked anxiously toward his shoes.
Then, he held out a pinky. Rue looked at him skeptically. The fuck?
“If you join our team, I personally promise to make you the absolute best player on the team,” Peter explained.
Rue gave a sarcastic laugh and rolled her eyes. Did he not hear a word she said?
“I’m serious!” He exclaimed. “I know you said you were basically a lost cause, but I’m up to the challenge.”
Rue just frowned at him. She blinked her eyes twice, feeling slightly annoyed by his persistence.
He’s the type of guy who can never lose, huh? She thought to herself.
She pondered all the possible directions his promise could go. She could prove him completely wrong and show him exactly why his promise was simply idiotic.
Or maybe he could prove me completely wrong.
All Rue could do was smirk at him and stick her pinky out as well.
“Okay. You’ve got it,” Rue linked pinkies with him
Rue didn’t have a clear idea of how Peter was planning to make her the smartest person in the school, but it was definitely something for her to look forward to.
He was part of a group of people she never thought that she’d associate with: the straightedge. The smarties who focused on which colleges they’d be getting into– not parties.
Rue found it almost prideful how her existence was just enough for them to question everything they knew.
“Morning,” a semi-familiar voice said to Rue as she walked up for classes in the morning. Rue turned to see none other than Peter accompanying her.
“Morning. What a great morning,” Rue said monotone.
“I actually thought the same thing this morning–” Peter exclaimed. Rue only furrowed her brows, unsure of how he missed her sarcasm.
Before they could enter the actual building, Rue stopped on the sidewalk. Peter just looked at her with confusion.
“Can I help you with something?” She asked him. Just following her around wasn’t going to make her any smarter or stop her from getting into trouble.
“I figured you could do at least ten practice questions a day, starting in the morning,” he told her. Rue’s mouth went agape.
“Ten a day? ” She asked him in disbelief. That was, on average, more than one every hour. Peter just nodded and then shrugged at her expression
“What? It’s easy, c’mon, we’ll be late. I’ll ask you while we get ready for the first period,” Peter didn’t budge from his stationary spot while waiting for Rue. She could only eye him with suspicion.
Rue walked with Peter inside the school, frequently scanning the hallways for familiar faces. What would they think, seeing her with someone so unusual? If she had taken a survey, they probably would have listed someone like him dead list on who she would be caught dead with.
“Okay, who invented the tinfoil phonograph?” He asked her once she reached her locker. He listed the options and then appended a sentence.
“And— it’s fine if you don’t know,” he stated.
“Charles Goodyear,” she guessed while opening her locker.
“It was Thomas Edison,” he replied. She stuck her nose up, pretending to be genuinely interested in the answer.
“Okay, good to know,” she said, closing her locker. “That’s it, right?”
“Right, but can you give me your class schedule” He asked as Rue began to walk away.
“ No,” she stated. She heard him sigh as she walked faster down the hall. He sped up to keep pace with her.
“Hey! We made a promise, did you forget?” He pleaded with her.
“That was more like a promise to yourself, than a promise I made to you,” she replied, closing in on her classroom. “I think you should have to find me,” she smirked at him from the doorway.
“ Ciao,” she waved her arm as she entered the classroom.
Rue tried to focus in class, but found it difficult considering she also had to focus on evading Peter. She found herself constantly looking towards the door, anxious to see him or run off before he could find her when the class ended.
As soon as she was dismissed, she pushed past other people to get out. She knew they were glaring.
But before she could even step out of the doorway, he was there.
“How the hell…?” She wondered out loud. How had he gotten there so quickly?
“ Oh,” she exhaled, “your class must be right next to mine.”
“Nope, across the building,” Peter nodded towards the direction he had come from.
“Cheater,” she said, brushing past him.
She hid the smirk on her face as he trailed behind her, formulating a new question for her to answer.