Chapter Text
Jimin hates that everything always comes back to Yoongi. It’s so fucking annoying. He’s spent almost the last four years in love with his hyung. Yoongi doesn’t do relationships. He does pointless hookups and he NEVER sleeps with anyone younger than him.
Jimin has heard this enough from Yoongi’s best friends Namjoon and Hoseok. He knows this.
But he can’t get his head or his heart to get over the possibility that maybe one day his hyung could love him too.
If only Yoongi was his soulmate.
So he suffers in silence.
But he’s not completely pathetic. Jimin dates. He tries. He really tries. Sometimes, things work out for a while. But the three serious boyfriends Jimin has had in the last four years, they’ve all broken up with him when they’ve found their soulmate.
Jimin has absolutely shitty luck.
Besides, Min Yoongi is cool. He’s effortlessly funny. And he’s fucking adorable. And really talented. He’s an in demand producer and songwriter, even just a couple of years out of college.
And Jimin is not. He’s a mediocre dancer. He graduated from college with decent enough grades that his parents weren’t disappointed in him, yet they weren’t necessarily proud. He wasn’t scouted by any dance companies like Hoseok hyung had been the year before, so he was just a secretary for an indie publishing company. He wasn’t very funny. Sometimes, he thought he was cute. Men and women both liked flirting with him.
But that didn’t make him lovable.
How could he be?
He was just meh.
“Jimin-ah,” Yoongi said from beside him, snapping his long, pale fingers in front of Jimin’s face.
The younger man startled, blinking rapidly as he looked around the table. “Huh? Sorry hyungs.”
“Jimin-ah, this is the third time tonight that you’ve zoned out. What’s going on?” Yoongi asked, nudging Jimin gently with his shoulder.
“Have I really? Hmm, sorry hyung,” Jimin said, still somewhat distracted. His fellow secretary had gotten her soulmark the day before, while at work. The woman had recognized it immediately, calling her soulmate to tell them the news. The office was still buzzing with excitement over the good news.
“Jiminie! Come on, what is it?” Hoseok pushed, staring at him from across the table.
He didn’t want to explain it. This group was weird about soulmates. Hoseok’s soulmate had died when they were teenagers and although they had known they were soulmates for a couple of years before that, it hadn’t really made it any easier. Namjoon still didn’t know who his was and wasn’t focused on finding out, but he did have his soulmark. And Yoongi had no interest in a soulmate.
It’s not worth it, the universe choosing for you. Fuck that, he had said one night when drunk.
Jimin’s heart had dropped at his hyung’s revelation. He had held out hope for that first year hew knew Yoongi that maybe, just maybe, if Yoongi was his soulmate, then Yoongi would want him. But his hyung’s drunk confession destroyed that hope. Jimin went on his first date since meeting Yoongi a week later. It was awful. But it was a start.
He couldn’t spend his life pining for a man that didn’t want anything more than being his friend.
He didn't want to be that pathetic, even if there was still a part of his heart holding out for Yoongi.
“Uh, trust me, not really something you guys want to hear,” he told them finally before taking a swig of his beer.
“Oh, boy trouble? We can help with that, Jiminie!” Hoseok said in excitement, practically bouncing in his face.
Jimin frowned and shook his head. “No, Hobi hyung. It’s not that. It’s…a soulmate thing.”
The table went quiet and everyone looked away. The smile on Hoseok’s face had died immediately and Jimin hated that he had done that to his sunshine hyung.
“Sorry,” he added quietly.
“Did you get your mark?” Yoongi asked in a quiet voice after a few tense minutes.
“No, no hyung. My coworker did. Somebody she already knew. Just has me thinking, you know. Sorry.”
“Stop saying sorry, Jimin,” Hoseok snapped. The quartet grew tense. Hoseok was one of the kindest, happiest people that Jimin had ever met. But he could also get incredibly angry. He was a true representation of not wanting to get on his bad side.
Jimin wanted to cry. Why couldn’t he just turn his stupid fucking brain off? Why couldn’t he just make shit up? He had boy trouble, after all. His last date with Jaebum had been awful and yet the guy still wanted to see him again. He should have asked his hyungs for help.
Why did he have to mention soulmates?
Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.
“Yeah. Yeah, okay,” Jimin whispered, sinking in on himself. He looked at his beer, wishing someone would break the silence and crack a joke. He got his wish, sort of, when his phone suddenly rang. He hurried to pull his phone out of his pocket and felt some happiness at seeing the name. He quickly answered. “Hey Kook-ah, what’s up?” Jimin turned his body from the quiet group, talking towards the wall behind them. Jeon Jungkook was Jimin’s own dongsaeng. They had met two years before in the dance program at school. Jungkook had been so young and shy, not being able to look people in the eye, but he danced so beautifully. So Jimin took him under his wing.
“Sorry to bother you hyung, I know you’re out with your friends.”
“No, Kook-ah, it’s fine. What is it?”
“I just, you know I have that audition this weekend, right?”
“Hmm, yeah, the one for the end of the semester show?”
“Right. So. I caught a glimpse of Felix’s dance and now I’m panicking.”
“Oh, Kook-ah, come on. You know you can’t compare yourself before an audition. You’re going to psych yourself right into failure.”
“I know. Hence the call. Please, hyung, none of my friends understand.”
Jimin nodded, even though Jungkook couldn’t see him. “Of course, Kook-ah. I’ll be at the studio in like 20 minutes, okay?”
“Thanks hyung. See you soon.”
Jimin hung up his phone and put it back in his pocket before turning back to the table. “Jungkook needs me. I’ll see you guys,” he said, not even looking any of them in the eye.
“Ah, Jiminie, wait-” Hoseok tried.
But he shook his head. Hoseok was right to be mad at him. He had been stupid to mention soulmates. He would try harder next time. “See you around, hyung.” He hurried from the table, hands stuffed in his pockets as he left their favorite bar. Jimin had driven to the bar, knowing he wouldn’t drink much. He rarely did and if he was going to, he always took a taxi. Once a week, the four men would meet at their favorite bar to talk about work and life. After Namjoon and Hoseok had graduated the previous summer, the group found themselves going weeks without seeing each other. So Hoseok decided they would force themselves to get together once a week, even if it was just for an hour.
Yoongi and Namjoon were both producers, though Namjoon’s career hadn’t taken off yet like Yoongi’s. But the two men often found themselves swamped with work, usually because they got lost in the songwriting process. Hoseok had gotten a job at a dance company teaching kids how to dance (Jimin’s dream job), so he generally had a set schedule.
Jimin had all the free time in the world.
It had been almost five months since he last even semi-serious boyfriend.
20 minutes later, Jimin pulled into the parking lot by the dance building on campus. It took him only a few minutes to get in the building and find Jungkook. The younger man had taken Jimin’s advice and had his back against a wall with his knees pulled up to his chest, eyes closed as he tried to clear his thoughts.
“Hey Kookie,” Jimin greeted his friend softly.
Jungkook’s wide eyes shot open at the sound of his friends voice. “Hyung,” he whined, “what am I going to do? My routine isn’t going to get me in!”
“Kook-ah, you know that’s not true,” Jimin said softly as he knelt on the ground in front of the other man. He placed his hands on Jungkook’s knees and squeezed. “You’re a very talented dancer and you’ve done great in your last two years! If you practice and perform your best, I don’t see why you wouldn’t get into the show. You know there’s no point in comparing yourself to others right now. Believe in yourself, even when its hard.”
Jungkook’s eyes glistened with unshed tears. “It’s so hard, hyung.”
Jimin leaned in so the boys could put their foreheads together. “I know. I’ve been there. Hobi hyung’s been there. I think all dancers have been there. But you are really talented. Why don’t we go back to my apartment tonight and eat and watch a funny movie. You can worry about your routine tomorrow, okay?”
The younger man nodded, his forehead sliding along Jimin’s. “Okay then, Kook-ah, let’s go!” Jimin pushed to his feet and held out his hands to help his friend up. Jimin knew how hard this program could be on the dancers. Jimin had lived it for four years and with worse confidence than Jungkook. Some days the only thing that kept Jimin going was Yoongi’s support. The music major understood Jimin’s problems to a certain degree and attended every performance Jimin was in. He was Jimin’s biggest supporter, even after he graduated.
Another person Jimin disappointed by not doing better.
He was certain Yoongi was disappointed that he wasn’t still dancing. But what could Jimin do? He just wasn’t good enough.
Not for dancing. And certainly not for Yoongi’s love.
Although Jimin hoped Yoongi would be his soulmate, there was also a part of him that hoped he wasn’t Yoongi’s soulmate. Yoongi deserved someone far better than Jimin.
Jungkook relaxed at Jimin’s apartment, eating a huge helping of ramen while they watched Spy (one of Jimin’s new favorite funny movies). After the movie, they curled up in Jimin’s bed, Jimin petting Jungkook’s hair softly as the younger man fell asleep. They didn’t do this often, but it seemed to help Jungkook relax. And Jimin did love cuddling, something he rarely got to do.
And if it helped Jungkook, then that was all that mattered.
Jimin’s alarm went off at 6am the next morning. The two men grumbled their way out of bed, Jimin taking a shower first while Jungkook put a breakfast together for them.
“Just remember to take deep breaths and focus on your own routine, Kook-ah. You’re talented, don’t forget that!” Jimin reminded him before he headed out for another boring day of work.
“I know hyung, thank you. I really don’t deserve you,” Jungkook said as he pulled Jimin in for a bone crushing hug. Jimin rubbed his friends back.
“Hush you. I’ll have you know you deserve better than me.” Jimin wished he could get Jungkook to understand just how awesome he was and how he deserved the world. Of course, Jimin could understand that maybe made him a hypocrite because Jungkook would tell him he was talented and amazing and Jimin could never believe him.
The office was still excited over his coworker, Yuna’s, reveal of a soulmark. It was on her wrist, out in the open for everyone to look at. And boy did Jimin stare. He didn’t mean to, not really, but…
“Yuna noona,” Jimin started softly.
“What’s up, Jimin-ah?” she asked, turning towards him and smiling sweetly.
“Did it hurt?” he asked.
She shook her head. “Nope. It just tingled a bit. Are you worried about it?”
He shrugged. “No. Maybe. I’m just…what if my soulmate doesn’t want me?” he whispered, staring down at his hands on the desk in front of him.
“Oh, Jimin-ah.” She reached over to gently grip his shoulder. “If your soulmate doesn’t want you, then they’re an idiot. You’re so sweet and kind and smart. Anyone would be lucky to have you as their soulmate. I know it may not always feel like that, but I promise, it’ll be okay.”
Jimin tried to smile, but he didn’t think he was very convincing. “My friends…my friend Hoseok, his soulmate died when they were teenagers,” he told her.
“Oh, that’s just awful!”
He nodded. “He dates from time to time, but I think he gave up on love. We can’t talk about soulmates in front of him, you know. My friend Namjoon has his soulmark, but doesn’t know who his soulmate is. His mark is on his back. How is anyone supposed to see that? And Yoongi…he’s my best friend but he hates the idea of having a soulmate. He refuses to entertain the idea. What if my soulmate is like him? What am I supposed to do?”
“You live, Jimin. You accept their choice, you cry, you mourn, and you live. Relationships and marriages between non-soulmates is on the rise and isn’t so taboo anymore. You don’t have to choose your soulmate, Jimin. And you’re not a failure if your soulmate doesn’t choose you.”
It didn’t really feel like it.
After his shift ended, Jimin hurried home. He just wanted to shower, climb into his soft pajamas, and watch Chef and My Fridge until he fell asleep.
But when does Jimin ever get what he wants?
Just as Jimin had dried off from his shower and stepped into his pajamas, his doorbell rang. He sighed, briefly considering ignoring it, but obviously he wouldn’t. He shuffled to the door and looked through the peephole.
Jimin quickly pulled the door open. “Hyung?”
“Hey Jimin-ah, can I come in?” Yoongi asked. He held up a bag of food. “I got us dinner.”
His heart beat quickly, that familiar feeling spreading through him. “Of course, hyung. Come in.” Jimin moved away, heading into the kitchen to get them water while Yoongi headed inside, taking off his shoes before setting the food on the table in the living room.
They didn’t speak as Yoongi dolled out the food, Jimin setting a bottle of water in front of his hyung. As usual, they sat next to each other on the couch while they ate.
“I’m sorry about Hoba,” Yoongi finally said once they had finished eating.
“Don’t, hyung. I shouldn’t have said anything.”
“No, Jimin-ah. You should be allowed to talk about soulmates. And Hoba shouldn’t snap at you for apologizing and trying to keep our feelings in mind. He pushed to know what you were thinking about, he shouldn’t get mad at you for telling us.”
Jimin stayed quiet, staring down at his hands. He wanted to tell Yoongi that it was fine, he knew he was stupid for bringing it up. “You didn’t fight, did you?” Jimin asked in a quiet voice. He didn’t want his hyungs fighting over his stupidity.
Yoongi sighed, sitting back on the couch. “Not really. But I told him he shouldn’t snap at you. We’re friends, we should talk to each other, not get angry over stupid things.”
“I don’t want you to fight over me, hyung. Over-over my mistakes. I do have boy trouble, I should have just told Hobi hyung about that. I shouldn’t have brought up soulmates.”
“The date with Jaebum went bad?” Yoongi asked.
A tingling feeling shot through Jimin’s chest. Of course his hyung remembered. Yoongi was so thoughtful. He was always asking about Jimin’s dates, making sure his boyfriends treated him well. And when things got serious, Yoongi made sure to meet them and make sure they were worthy of his dongsaeng. Jimin shrugged. “Sort of. He was nice. Hot. He seemed interesting, but I just…I think I came across like a jerk? I kept getting distracted. But hyung, he’s already asked for a second date.”
“Hmm, I guess he didn’t think you were that much of a jerk, Jimin-ah. Maybe he thought it was just first date nerves? Have you answered him?”
“I told him I need to check my schedule, but I’d let him know.”
“What’s one more date, Jimin-ah? Give it a real chance this time. If you still can’t pay attention to him, then that’s that.” Yoongi reached his arm around Jimin’s shoulder and pulled him to his chest. “You’re a good guy. You’ll find the right guy soon, soulmate or not.” He placed his chin on top of Jimin’s head, holding Jimin tightly.
Jimin squeezed his eyes shut, wrapping his arms around Yoongi’s stomach. He wished this was more than it was. He wished Yoongi would kiss him.
Why can’t you be the right guy? He wanted to say.
“You know how I feel about soulmates, but Jimin-ah, whoever your soulmate is, if you want him, he’ll be a lucky guy. But if you don’t want him, or if he’s dumb enough to not see your worth, then you’ll find the right guy. The world is full of wonderful people. Your person is out there.”
But Jimin didn’t want anyone else. He wanted Yoongi.
Jimin nodded into Yoongi’s chest, not trusting himself to speak without crying.
Maybe, just maybe, Yuna was right. Maybe Yoongi was too.
Jimin just wished this would all be a little bit easier.