Chapter Text
“Shoutarou, may I kiss you?”
Shoutarou freezes. They’ve been partners long enough now that he knows to expect pretty much anything whenever he enters the garage, yet it seems Philip can still render him speechless. He blinks rapidly a few times, takes one, two steps on unsteady legs, then stops again and gapes at his partner.
“Philip, what??”
“May I kiss you?”
Alright, so Shoutarou heard it correctly the first time. A brief look around the room only sends a cold shiver of dread down his spine - among the nonsensical scribbling, he can very much recognize words that should only belong in erotica novels. And then there’s the increasingly scandalous doodles, and Philip standing in the middle of it all, eyes shining with his usual eager curiosity, waiting for Shoutarou to let him kiss him, and just—
Shoutarou puts a hand over his face and takes a deep breath. His first instinct is to scream and ask Philip what the hell he’s doing. His second instinct is to yell about how he’s still recovering and shouldn’t have to deal with this kind of nonsense. His third instinct is— Well, his fourth instinct is to run away because he really doesn’t want to admit to his third instinct. He’s been trying his best not to open that door; he’s not about to ruin all those efforts.
So what if he’s in love with his partner? It’s not like he’s planning on doing anything about it. He recognized his feelings a while ago, screamed into a pillow about the universe hating him, then locked those feelings into a small box at the back of his mind, never to be addressed again. That didn't really work, though, if Shoutarou's being honest. He still cares about Philip a lot more than he does anyone else, despite all his vain attempts at flirting with clients. Sadly, it seems cute girls can only keep him distracted for so long before his thoughts turn back to the cute genius in his garage... But, well, at least he’s been able to keep his imagination in check. Which is quite the feat, considering Shoutarou has a rather vivid imagination.
And his imagination is really, really trying its best to run wild with Philip’s latest request.
“Shoutarou?”
Ah, right, he’s been silent for a while now; he should probably say something. Shoutarou lets his hand fall from his face and opens his mouth, but he needs a few more seconds before he can actually speak. It’s his first instinct that wins, as it often does. Uncharacteristically, though, Shoutarou doesn’t scream. Instead, he sounds incredibly tired.
“Philip, why are you… What is all this?” Shoutarou gestures vaguely at the whiteboards.
Completely unfazed, Philip starts pacing around, his fingers lightly tapping his lower lip. “I was curious about what Lily Shirogane did to Terui Ryuu earlier,” Philip replies, like it’s the most obvious thing. “So, I looked up kissing, and there were many compelling related results. Shoutarou, did you know that—”
“Stop! Whatever it is I’m fairly certain that I don’t want to know,” Shoutarou splutters quickly, extending his arm in front of him in a vain attempt to stop Philip from talking. At least Philip asking him for a kiss makes sense now - and no, it’s certainly not disappointment that Shoutarou is feeling.
“Are you perhaps uncomfortable with the subject? I’ve read it’s rather common, but you know, there’s really no—”
“Please stop,” Shoutarou whines, stumbling towards the couch. He lets out a loud groan as he sits on it, fingers coming up to rub the middle of his forehead. Why does his partner have to be an amnesiac research junkie with zero social awareness again?
And why did Shoutarou have to fall for him?
“Interesting…” Philip trails off, slowing his pacing.
“What?”
Philip stops in front of Shoutarou and smiles. “Maybe you and Terui Ryuu are more alike than you would think. He also seemed very uncomfortable when Lily Shirogane kissed him. I wonder if—”
“Alright, Philip, just— For the love of everything, just stop,” Shoutarou says, standing up and grabbing his partner by the shoulders to finally get him to stop talking.
He stares at Philip for a second, then glances at his hands on Philip’s shoulders and quickly takes a step back as if he’s been burned. Philip raises an eyebrow but doesn’t say anything. He’s just standing there, waiting for Shoutarou to say something - which sadly isn’t any less unnerving.
Shoutarou swallows hard, then sighs. “First of all, I am nothing like Terui Ryuu. And then, well. This— this isn’t something you can just ramble on about like usual. It’s something private, specific to each individual.”
“You are uncomfortable,” Philip replies, matter-of-factly.
“Yes,” Shoutarou admits in a harsh exhale. “I am. Happy?”
“Hardly,” Philip replies. He’s pouting a little, which is way cuter than it has any right to be - and Shoutarou wants to hit himself in the face for thinking that, because it’s really not helpful right now. “I was really hoping to try this.”
“But why me—” Shoutarou starts, then feels his stomach drop with dread as another thought occurs to him. “Wait— Wait. Please, do not ask Akiko or Terui,” he stammers. “I would like for the both of us to stay alive, and I cannot guarantee this if you ask either of them for a kiss. Especially Akiko.”
Shoutarou really doesn’t want to imagine her reaction. He’s a hundred percent certain she would blame him too. As if it was his fault, seriously… He’s still recovering from his wounds and spends most of his time in bed. The only reason he came to check on Philip was to ask him what he wanted to order for dinner, and right now he’s really regretting not having decided that by himself.
Philips blinks at him, seemingly confused. “Why would I ask them?”
“Well… So you could, I don’t know, conclude your research?”
Philip still seems like he’s not getting what Shoutarou is talking about. “But… I don’t want to kiss either of them.”
Shoutarou’s brain screeches to a halt, because if he thinks about it logically, then it would mean that - apparently - Philip wants to kiss him, and that’s— That’s not something he can deal with right now. He’s never even allowed himself to consider that as a possibility. Not so much because it feels too far-fetched - they are partners after all, share their minds on a regular basis, and know each other better than anyone, but… Philip just never seemed to have any interest in romance or feelings - or people. All of his curiosity is academic. He discovers something new, studies it thoroughly, then moves on and doesn’t spare one thought to his previous obsession.
So… Even if, by any chance, Philip ever did get curious about feelings and relationships and such, Shoutarou has always expected it to be temporary. But he also knows that if they were to cross that line, he wouldn’t want it to be just a fleeting thing, and he would be devastated when Philip inevitably switched his focus. Maybe it’s half-boiled of him to think like that, maybe he’s just protecting himself, but his partnership with Philip - their friendship - means everything to him. He’s not going to risk it all just because he’s getting a chance to kiss Philip, maybe even hold him, and—
No. Stop.
“Shoutarou?”
Right, he’s frozen up again. He lets out a breathless, dejected chuckle and averts his gaze. “I… Philip, you can’t just… Do you even know what you’re saying?”
“Well…” Philip frowns a little. “According to my research, it appears that the experience is a lot better when it’s with someone you want to kiss.” He makes a small hand gesture in Shoutarou’s direction. “I’ve thought it over a lot, and you’re the only person I can imagine wanting to kiss. I haven’t read everything yet though, so I’m not sure why that is. But since you’re here, I thought we could do this and it would help me understand.”
“Well, if you had read some more, maybe you would have known that you don’t just kiss people for research purposes. You can’t… You can’t treat people like they’re your experience subjects.” Shoutarou’s voice is strained and he can’t help the bitterness that seeps into it.
“Shoutarou, I…” Philip seems at a loss for words, distress showing on his features. It makes Shoutarou hate himself a little, because it’s his fault, but he really can’t deal with this right now.
“I’m not going to kiss you,” he says, his tone more gentle. “You’re not even sure why you want to, so it wouldn’t be right. This isn’t like when you want to taste some new food or try out a new working out regimen, it’s something that affects people.”
Philip considers his words for a moment. “So… I have to be sure?” Shoutarou nods, and Philip goes on. “And then I can ask you again?”
“Then… We can talk about it,” Shoutarou replies quickly. He really doesn’t think he will be better equipped to deal with this later, but that’s a problem for his future self. Plus, hopefully, Philip will soon find something new to obsess about and this can be put behind them.
Philip nods silently, his gaze going from Shoutarou to his book, and finally to the nearest whiteboard. Before he gets a chance to speak again, Shoutarou gets up from the couch and walks past him. “I’m going to rest,” he says, not looking at his partner.
“Yes. You’re still recovering, after all,” Philip replies absently.
Shoutarou sighs softly, knowing Philip is back inside his head. “Right,” he mumbles as he walks away. He stops before he reaches the door, glancing back at his partner. Sure enough, Philip is standing there, arms outstretched, the familiar glow from the Gaia library lighting up his face from below. “By the way, did you want anything special for dinner?”
“I’m good. Order anything you want, I’ll eat later.”
“Alright. Just… Don’t forget to eat, okay? And don’t stay up all night.”
“You worry too much, partner.” Philip’s lips curl into a small smile and Shoutarou averts his eyes, bracing himself against the door.
“Yeah…” Shoutarou breathes out, then finally steps out of the garage, closing the door behind him. He stumbles through the office and lets himself fall face first on the bed, groaning loudly into the pillows.
The universe really has it out for him, doesn’t it?
Shoutarou collapses into his chair and exhales slowly. The tension from the past few days is starting to leave his body and he feels exhausted. His tongue pokes at the caramel bits still stuck between his teeth and he smiles softly as he recalls the cheerful atmosphere at the food stalls earlier. It’s a stark contrast with the quietness of the office now, but Shoutarou doesn’t mind. He knows Akiko will be back later - not that he cares - and Philip is in the garage, having rushed in there immediately when they came back. So, for now, Shoutarou can enjoy being alone with his thoughts for a while.
He can enjoy it because he knows that he isn’t really alone. He hasn’t lost everything, like he’d thought for a moment. Instead, his bond with Philip is stronger than ever, and they managed to become more powerful. Together.
Alright, maybe being alone with his thoughts isn’t the best idea if Shoutarou’s gonna go down that road.
When did it all change? When did Philip go from being his ward, the person Narumi Soukichi entrusted him with, a pain-in-the-ass weirdo with absolutely no sense of how to be a human being, to… well. His precious partner, his best friend.
The most important person in Shoutarou’s life.
It has been a lot harder to keep his feelings in check lately, ever since the whole kissing research incident. And when he believed that Philip didn’t want him as his partner anymore… It hurt a lot more than expected. Of course, thinking that he had failed his boss didn’t help, but that just added to his own lack of self-confidence. Being unable to become Double, not having that special bond between him and Philip, that was… It felt as though his entire life was crumbling at his feet.
But then Philip came back for him. Philip embraced his weakness and accepted it - accepted him, just the way he is. That gave Shoutarou the strength to stand back up, to catch up with Philip’s power, so that they could become Xtreme. It was so intense, a flow of pure energy rushing through his entire self - through their entire selves, as they became one in every possible way.
Shoutarou sighs softly as he turns his eyes towards the garage door. Maybe Philip would never return his feelings, but at least they have this. Double, Xtreme - the bond they have is something so special… It’s something no one else in the world has. And as long as that doesn’t change, Shoutarou will be fine.
Just as Shoutarou grabs a blank sheet of paper to start typing his report, the garage door opens and Philip’s head pokes out. He’s looking at Shoutarou with wide eyes, and there’s something like wariness in his gaze that immediately makes Shoutarou worry.
“Philip, what's wrong?”
Philip blinks and straightens up. “Nothing… I think.” He steps into the office, and slowly walks up to Shoutarou’s desk. “I just— I’m sure, now.”
“What? Philip, what are you talking ab—”
“Shoutarou, may I kiss you?”
Shoutarou opens his mouth, then closes it, and leans back into his chair with a nervous chuckle. “You’re still on that,” he mutters, averting his gaze. Dammit, why didn’t he put a definitive end to this conversation last time… Did his past self really believe he could ever handle it? Besides, after all they’ve just been through, Shoutarou is feeling more vulnerable than ever… He really can’t do this. “Philip…” He closes his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose. “Please, don’t ask this of me.”
“You don’t want to?” Philip’s voice is quiet and there’s a carefulness in his tone that Shoutarou isn’t used to. It’s different from how he usually is whenever Shoutarou stops him from doing dangerous experiments, but it doesn’t make him feel better.
“It’s not— I…” Shoutarou sighs. There’s no way out of this, is there? They share their minds on a regular basis, and now with Xtreme they share just about everything. He’s bound to let his feelings filter through one day, escape into the part of his consciousness he shares with Philip, revealing everything at a most inopportune time. Maybe he should just get it over with… Although he doesn’t necessarily have to say everything. “It’s not that. Philip, I know how you get when you’re interested in something, and I should have known you wouldn’t let it go, but I—”
“So you believe this is just research to me?” Philip sounds almost angry.
Slightly taken aback, Shoutarou opens his mouth but before he can say anything Philip steps forward and slaps the driver on him. Shoutarou makes an indignant noise, but then he can feel his partner’s consciousness poking anxiously at his own, urging him to understand. He looks up to see Philip has closed his eyes and is biting his lip nervously.
Shoutarou exhales slowly and closes his eyes as well. He opens his mind, then suddenly he feels everything.
Images flash inside his head as emotions that aren’t his own flow through his chest. He sees himself exiting the garage a few weeks ago, after refusing to kiss Philip. He feels the confusion from Philip, the unexpected disappointment, and the burning, overwhelming need to understand why. Why he wanted it so much; why it hurt to see Shoutarou leave.
He sees the Gaia library, sees Philip go through book after book on all the different forms of attraction and love. He feels the moment it all became clear, the shining warmth in his heart as he finally put words on what he felt. And then fear, vulnerability, as Philip remembered Shoutarou’s reaction, wondering if maybe he was the only one who felt that way.
He sees Shroud telling Philip he should choose another partner. Feels Philip’s determination not to, then the cold dread as he realized Shoutarou really couldn’t transform anymore. He feels Philip’s pain and confusion as he tried to think about what he should do.
I’m sorry, Philip thinks inside their shared minds. I wanted to protect the city, I thought that was the most important thing. But I only looked at the problem rationally and didn’t take your feelings into consideration. I didn’t mean to hurt you.
I’m not mad at you, Shoutarou replies. I understand. I wouldn’t have wanted to be in your shoes either… If you can’t be Double with me anymore one day, I don’t know what I would do. I probably wouldn’t even be able to do the rational thing.
You would do fine. You’re stronger than you think.
Shoutarou gives a weak chuckle. I don’t know about that. I’m only strong because I’m with you. Alone, I—
“Whatever happens with Double, you’re not alone,” Philip says out loud. “Open your eyes, Shoutarou.”
As he does, Shoutarou notices that he must have stood up at some point, and they’re now facing each other. Philip’s hands are resting gently on his forearms, while his own are gripping Philip’s arms - probably a bit too strongly in fact, he realizes, and immediately relaxes his hold. There’s an amused little sound and Shoutarou finds Philip smiling at him, something soft and bright and beautiful, and he can’t hold back the wave of affection that rushes through him.
Of course, because they’re still wearing their drivers, Philip notices. His smile only grows brighter. “So, you do feel the same.”
Shoutarou feels himself blush and he averts his gaze, scoffing a little. “Honestly… I didn’t think I was hiding it that well.”
“I wasn’t sure. You seemed rather defensive last time, and today when I asked you again you looked quite distressed. But I believe I understand now. It was scary to let you know how I feel without knowing how you might respond.”
“Well thank you… For being braver than me,” Shoutarou breathes out. His smile is a bit shaky when he looks back at Philip, but his partner’s gaze grounds him a bit. Then Philip reaches up to take his hat off and sets it down on the desk, and it feels so intimate somehow that Shoutarou thinks he might start tearing up just from that.
“Half-boiled,” Philip murmurs fondly. He steps closer and wraps his hands around Shoutarou’s neck, fingertips playing with the hair on his nape, and Shoutarou is now almost a hundred percent certain he is going to cry and make a fool of himself.
Good thing Philip won’t judge him for it.
He lets out a small, choked-out sob and rests his forehead against Philip’s, his arms instinctively wrapping themselves around Philip’s waist. “Yeah, well,” he so very eloquently replies before his breath catches in his throat. He closes his eyes to try and settle himself, swallowing back the tears that are pricking behind his eyelids. There are so many emotions swirling through his chest, both his own and Philip’s, it’s overwhelming - but in a good way. It’s something that only they can understand - the feeling of being just one mind, of being closer than any two people could ever be.
It makes Shoutarou feel safe enough that he stops holding back; he lets his feelings flow through him freely, flow through their bond, to Philip’s heart.
“Oh,” is all Philip says, and Shoutarou can sense he’s feeling overwhelmed too.
“Not very hard-boiled, right?” Shoutarou jokes nervously.
“It’s— I wouldn’t say that,” Philip says, and there’s something akin to awe in his voice. “Thank you, Shoutarou, for sharing this with me. I’ll do my best.”
“Eh?”
“To be a good partner to you. Romantic partner, I mean. I’ve done the research, so I know what—”
“Just— Stop,” Shoutarou interrupts with a breathless laugh. It’s just so Philip to be saying this kind of thing in a moment like this.
Dammit, Shoutarou loves him so much.
“Nothing has to change, you know,” Shoutarou says quietly. One of his hands moves up to cup Philip’s face, then gently slides behind his neck, their foreheads still pressed together. “It’ll still be the two of us, solving cases like always. You’ll still get lost in pointless lookups; I’ll still yell at whatever nonsensical thing you come up with, and I’ll still be the one getting hit by Akiko for not being able to stop you.” He takes a slow, deep breath. “Knowing how you feel… It means more to me than you think. We don’t have to be anything you don’t want to be.”
“Who says I don’t want to—”
“I just mean, we can take things slow, and do things because we want to, not because a book says we should.”
Even with his eyes closed, Shoutarou can perfectly picture the thoughtful expression on Philip’s face. “You’re saying we should figure out what we’re comfortable with, together.”
Shoutarou hums softly. He just doesn’t want Philip to feel like he needs to use some kind of “relationship checklist.” What he really wants is for things to fall into place naturally. He knows Philip doesn’t have any experience in that area, and it’s not like he has a lot of it himself… Besides, their relationship is already good. They have a great dynamic, there’s no need for it to change all of a sudden.
Of course, he wouldn’t say no if Philip wanted to snuggle with him on the couch at night, as they read or listen to the radio together… Or if he wanted to kiss him sometimes, when no one else was around… But it’s not like he needs it.
His thoughts are interrupted by Philip laughing softly, and— Ah, right. His thoughts.
Well, kissing was Philip’s idea first, anyway.
“It was indeed,” Philip says in his irritating “I was right all along” voice - which somehow only makes Shoutarou want to kiss him more. “I guess your answer has changed now.”
Shoutarou raises his head, hoping to give Philip what would be - at best - a half-hearted glare, but once he looks in Philip’s eyes all he can do is give a flustered chuckle and look away briefly. Philip’s smile is so bright; there’s so much hope and eagerness in his eyes, Shoutarou just—
His brain grinds to a halt all of a sudden, because Philip’s hand is on his cheek, thumb stroking gently. He tucks some of Shoutarou’s hair behind his ear as he inches closer, and Shoutarou holds his breath, waiting for his partner’s next move. Philip’s fingers thread through his hair, and Shoutarou can feel them tremble slightly as Philip leans in, then gently brushes his lips over Shoutarou’s cheekbone.
The gesture is so heartbreakingly soft, so desperately gentle - Shoutarou can’t hold back anymore. He chases Philip’s lips, and when they finally touch it’s like everything falls into place. It doesn’t matter that the angle is a bit off at first, or that Philip is chuckling against his lips - because it’s them, so it’s perfect. And because it’s them, they’re quick to adjust, to find the right press of lips that makes Shoutarou’s breath hitch and Philip moan quietly in surprise and wonder. Shoutarou can sense him carefully cataloging every new sensation. It’s so utterly Philip that it makes his heart ache with the need to be closer still. He tightens his hold around Philip’s waist, pulling him against his chest as he deepens the kiss. The noise Shoutarou makes then sounds very much like a whine, but he doesn’t care.
He doesn’t care because Philip is here; his arms are wrapped around Shoutarou shoulders; he’s got one hand in Shoutarou’s hair, and based on what is filtering through their mental bond Shoutarou can tell that Philip is not so much cataloging anymore as he is losing himself in the kiss.
It’s so intense, though. Shoutarou can’t even take much pride in making Philip abandon his train of thought, because he almost feels like he’s drowning himself. There’s of course the simple fact that he’s kissing Philip, after all those months of longing and forbidding himself to even consider it. But they’re also sharing their minds, making this moment feel incredibly heightened as everything they feel flows freely between them. He can recognize the little thrill Philip always feels when he discovers something new during a time when they’re transformed. This time it’s coupled with the sheer joy of exploring this new aspect of their partnership together, and it fills Shoutarou’s chest with a soft, comforting warmth.
Shoutarou pulls back eventually. Philip makes a small, disapproving sound as the kiss breaks and Shoutarou chuckles breathlessly, bringing their foreheads together once again. He breathes with Philip a few times, until he feels like he can speak again.
“Is your curiosity sated?” Shoutarou asks, because he’s an idiot and apparently this was the smoothest line he could come up with. But it makes Philip raise his head and smile up at him, so it doesn’t matter.
“That was certainly… something. I’ve read about the hormones involved and the effect they have on—” Shoutarou groans and Philip thankfully takes the hint and doesn’t elaborate on the science of kissing or whatever. “Anyway… I didn’t imagine it would feel so—”
“Please don’t say compelling,” Shoutarou whines.
“Why not? It definitely was. But no, I wasn’t going to say that. It felt… more. Intense. Overwhelming.”
“Well, I don’t suppose your research covered kissing while wearing the Double driver.”
“Indeed, we were the first people to ever do so.” Philip’s hand moves to his lips, meaning it’s no longer in Shoutarou’s hair, which is a very sad thing. “I wonder if there’s any record of it now… Shoutarou, don’t give me that look,” he admonishes with a small smirk, “I wasn’t going to do a lookup just now.”
“Oh really,” Shoutarou says, raising an eyebrow. He wants to point out that whenever Philip makes that face he’s usually seconds away from closing his eyes and glowing, but then he feels Philip’s hands around his waist and the words die in his throat as he looks down. He watches Philip undo his driver belt and set it down on the desk next to his hat, then as Philip’s own belt vanishes, one of his hands finds its way back into Shoutarou’s hair and pulls slightly - and it feels amazing.
“I would like to collect more data first. First, I should try to kiss you without the driver to see if it really makes that much of a difference.” If this was anyone else, Shoutarou would assume that this was some attempt at flirting. But it’s Philip, so Shoutarou knows he’s being completely genuine - which is as infuriating as it is cute.
“Data, huh?” Shoutarou asks, leaning closer and brushing his nose against Philip’s. “I guess you’ve always liked to be thorough.”
Philip makes a small, high-pitched moan as he tries but fails to chase Shoutarou’s lips. “Yes,” he breathes out. “We should— We should also try that cuddling thing you were thinking about before. And really, anything you’d like. I don’t think there’s anything you could suggest that I wouldn’t want to do.”
Shoutarou is very glad that Philip took off his driver earlier because those words triggered quite a lot of mental images he definitely isn’t ready to share yet. Hell, moments ago he didn’t even consider any of this to be within reach, and was trying his best to bury such thoughts. He takes a deep breath and looks Philip in the eyes. “I meant it earlier, let’s take it slow. I just… I want to make sure we can enjoy every new experience instead of rushing into things.”
Philip gives a breathless smile and averts his eyes for a second. Shoutarou can swear he sees the faintest hint of a blush adorning his partner’s cheeks. “That’s… You’re not even being half-boiled at this point, Shoutarou.”
“Hm, maybe, but I don’t care,” Shoutarou retorts with a proud smile. “I’m not scared of admitting that I’m soft when it comes to you. And that, partner, is pretty hard-boiled.”
“Will you just kiss me again,” Philip complains, but he’s laughing beautifully.
“Eager to collect your data, aren’t you?”
“It seems that I find you rather irresistible right now. Which may or may not be linked to how irritating you are acting.”
“Ah well, then I say more research is definitely necessary.”
“That’s what I’ve been—”
Philip’s words die against Shoutarou’s lips as he’s being pulled into another kiss, then another, until they both lose count.