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Peter felt completely exhausted as he returned back to his universe. Back to my universe, what a concept, Peter kept thinking. It was a long, tiring and difficult day, both physically and mentally. God, he felt so much older. But he also felt strangely refreshed. Encountering versions of yourself can be inspiring. Peter hasn’t felt so good in a long time if he was being honest with himself. But now, as he returned back, the strange heavy wave that was always washing over him was back again. He just wanted to hug his aunt May as tight as he could, just to make sure that this version of her was still here. To make sure this part of his life wasn’t taken away from him yet. So, that’s what he decided to do.
Since Gwen’s death, Peter was living in a sort of haze. At first, he didn’t even want to look at his Spider-Man suit. Eventually, the guilt caught up with him, however. He thought about how Uncle Ben wouldn’t be proud of him if he found out Peter was just not using his powers. So, he was that friendly neighbourhood Spider-Man again. But it didn’t make him happy. Everyone he saved reminded him of the one he couldn’t. He took a gap year and Aunt May didn’t question it at all. She’s been so careful around him since Gwen died. She didn’t force him to talk about it, didn’t question his disappearances. Then, a gap year turned into two. Peter still sold pictures of Spider-Man to The Daily Bugle and worked in pizza delivery, so he could pay Aunt May rent. She never asked for it, she actually argued with him over it, but Peter insisted on paying her. During his third gap year, Aunt May started to drop hints about Peter applying to university. At first, Peter ignored her subtle comments but eventually, he agreed that he didn’t want to work as a pizza delivery guy forever. Plus, he didn’t think being Spider-Man was something he could do when he was old and wrinkly. So, he started studying again and moved out of Aunt May’s place. He decided he wanted to become a science teacher. But thanks to his spider alter ego, he missed some of his lessons and exams, so he was twenty-seven years old and nowhere near finishing yet.
Aside from being Spider-Man and studying, Peter didn’t really do anything else. He had no friends (not that he was worried any of them would turn out like Harry but the possibility was not there if he hadn’t any). He had no hobbies (photography turned into a routine of selling his pictures to make some cash). He had nothing. When he saw his other versions, they both seemed to have something in their lives to keep them going. They both had friends, girlfriends (or a wife in Peter 2’s case), hobbies. No wonder I feel so lame, Peter thought. Not that helping people didn’t bring him joy but there was just something missing.
As Peter knocked at the door of Aunt May, he was thinking he needed to change something. The other Peters encouraged him to find something in his life. He knew that all three of them went through rough patches and when he saw Peter 1 his heart ached for him. He was so young and already going through so much. Of course, he was young too when he lost it all. But to see someone else go through it was devastating. And when he realised, Peter 1 was basically him, he thought about how unsupportive he has been to himself in the past. He needed to be nicer to himself, which is what Peter 2 tried to teach him. I’m not lame, he kept thinking. Finally, May opened the door and before she could say anything, Peter lounged and hugged her as tightly as he could.
“Peter? Hi … are … are you okay?” she asked, her voice full of concern.
“Yeah,” sniffled Peter, still hugging her.
“Did something happen?”
“So much happened,” he replied and let her go. “But nothing really,” he smiled.
“You’re being strange,” she said. “Come inside, let’s have some dinner, okay?”
Peter nodded and followed May inside. He sat down at the table and they ate together. He couldn’t stop smiling at her. Just the fact that she was still there was enough to make him feel warm.
“Come on, Peter, what happened?” she asked again eventually. “You never come here during the week, and you’re always sulking, what is it?”
“It’s nothing,” he tried to assure her. “I’m just glad I have you, May.”
“Well, I’m glad I have you too, Peter,” she smiled.
Peter nodded and they finished dinner in silence. Afterwards, Peter insisted on doing the dishes while May prepared him his old room. Then, they sat down to watch the tv.
“Aunt May?” asked Peter. “Do you miss Uncle Ben?”
“Of course, I do,” she smiled sadly. “There isn’t a day that I don’t think about him.”
“Me too,” said Peter. “So, it doesn’t go away, right? The heavy wave from the loss that’s just hanging above you all the time?”
“Oh, Peter,” she sighed. “I miss Uncle Ben and I wish we had more time together. But it is a good kind of missing. I think about him and what would make him happy. And you know what?”
“What?”
“He was the happiest when I was happy,” she said and Peter smiled warmly. “So, I want to be happy. That’s the only way to go forward and to know his loss isn’t in vain. And for him to still be with me.”
“Hmm,” Peter nodded.
“You and Gwen were meant to have more time,” she continued. “But the hole you feel is not something that needs to be filled. You need to realise that. Gwen would be happy if you were happy, right?”
“Yeah,” Peter nodded again, holding back tears.
“See, Peter, it’s not your job to fill that hole, or to get rid of the, as you said, heavy wave from loss. The terrible thing about life is that you have to live with all that. But it is also the beautiful thing about life. Because it makes it all mean something. Gwen, or Uncle Ben, they were special. That is why it hurts so much. But we are lucky to have known them, lucky to have loved them. And they loved us. So, we need to go on and love ourselves too.”
“You’re right,” whispered Peter. “It’s … it’s just so hard.”
“Love is a beautiful thing. But loving yourself … that’s the hardest thing to do. But it is also the most rebellious thing to do,” she chuckled. “And you are a tough guy, you are tough enough to love yourself.”
“I can try,” Peter smiled.
“And that’s all that matters,” May said.
“You’re amazing, you know that right?” he smiled. “Thank you. For everything really. You were always there for me.”
“Oh, Peter, what the hell happened to you today?” she chuckled.
Oh, if only you knew, Peter thought.
*
Peter returned to his flat the next day with a new determination to live better. To take care of himself. But of course, being Spider-Man caught up with him. As soon as he heard police sirens in the distance, he changed into his costume and got to ‘work’. When he returned later, beaten up and completely exhausted, he tried to think about the conversation he had with Aunt May the night before. He decided that every day he would try to do something that makes him happy. Any little thing would do. He had to be realistic and admit that with being Spider-Man full time and trying to get a degree, there was not much space to do anything else. But he could try. And he promised he would.
“Alright, Gwen, what should we do today?” he asked out loud and looked at the clock. It was already so late. “How about a nice cup of hot chocolate with whipped cream?”
In the next few days, the routine was the same. Peter would try to do his homework for university, attend classes, and then get super busy with being a superhero. In between all this, he tried to think of little things to make himself happy. He repaired his old skateboard and went to the skate park. He was quite out of practice, but it was still nice. He went to get ice cream by himself. He took his camera with him to take photos of something else than Spider-Man on his way to university. He bought a cactus. He cooked for Aunt May. He baked a terrible pie. He went swimming.
As the days passed, he could feel a certain satisfaction. However, he was feeling more and more tired with each day. He wished he could share all this with someone else than Aunt May but his very busy schedule would make him a terrible friend.
One night, he got home particularly beaten up. He took off his costume and started cleaning his wounds. He was sure most of them would heal in the next few days, but his face looked quite bad. He would need to wait with his visit of Aunt May until he looked better because he didn’t want to make up any more lies. As he changed into his normal clothes, he realised he still hasn’t done any little ‘happy thing’ for today.
“What do you think, Gwen?” he asked. “Should we make hot chocolate again? It feels like a hot chocolate day.”
He walked, or limped, to the kitchen only to find out he was out of hot chocolate. So, he grabbed his jacket, wallet and keys and walked out. The shop was only down the street and he decided to also get some more whipped cream and marshmallows. I deserve to treat myself, right, Gwen, he thought to himself. He walked back to his apartment building with his little shopping and climbed the stairs to his floor. Just as he got there, there was someone standing by the door to the flat opposite of his, wiggling the keys frustratedly. Peter has never seen this person before but then he never really paid attention to his neighbours. Friendly neighbourhood Spider-Man doesn’t even know his own neighbours, he thought sarcastically.
“Um, hello,” said Peter nervously. “Need any help?”
“Oh, hi,” the guy looked up at him. “It’s just the key … it got stuck and I can’t move it or open the door.”
“Can I try?” asked Peter.
“Er … sure, go ahead,” the guy stepped aside.
Peter wiggled the key several times until he was able to turn it around and open the door.
“How did you?” asked the guy in awe.
“Oh, mine was similar. The locks here are terrible. There is a little wiggling trick to opening it but I suggest you change your lock soon,” Peter replied.
“Thanks … er … you live in the flat there?” he asked and pointed to Peter’s flat.
“Yep,” Peter nodded.
“I only just moved in a few days ago,” said the man. “Er … I tried to knock on your door several times to say hi … and … I don’t know … greet you … but I guess you weren’t home.”
“Oh, yeah, sorry, I’m usually quite busy,” Peter admitted.
“Oh, don’t worry,” the man waved his hand and chuckled nervously. “You’re a fighter or something?” he asked and pointed at Peter’s face that was all bruised.
“What? No, no,” Peter laughed slightly. “I … er … fell off my skateboard.”
“That must have been a nasty fall. Did you get it checked out? For concussion?”
“Er … no … I’m not very good with doctors,” said Peter.
“Oh, that’s too bad,” the man chuckled.
“Is it?”
“Well, I’m from a family of doctors,” he said. “Actually, I flunked out of uni but I tried to be one, but yeah. I … er … I only said it because I don’t really know many people here and I was hoping … er … to maybe find a friend,” he continued nervously.
“Oh, that’s fine!” smiled Peter. “I … I’m not good with going to the doctors. I don’t have anything against them. It’s just part of my whole agenda of not taking good care of myself,” explained Peter. Why the fuck did I say that? He thought immediately.
“Well,” the guy chuckled. “That’s a terrible agenda.”
“Yep, I’m working on it, though,” said Peter. “But, in any case, if you wanted to hang out, I wouldn’t be opposed. I’d like it, actually. But I have to warn you, I’m incredibly boring and have no other friends, so if you want to have a social life, choose someone else.”
“I was studying to be a doctor, I’m used to no social life,” the guy laughed. “Okay, well, I’m Mike.”
“I’m Peter.”
“Okay, Peter,” Mike said, took a pen out of his pocket and took Peter’s hand. “Here’s my number,” he started writing it on Peter’s hand and Peter didn’t know what to do with himself. It felt strange but in a nice way. “Text me when you’re not so busy, okay? Maybe we can grab a coffee or something,” he smiled.
“O-okay,” nodded Peter. “I will.”
*
Peter didn’t text Mike for several days. He didn’t meet him in the building either but that might have been due to the fact that Peter mostly climbed into his flat through the window. He thought about texting him but he had no idea what to say. You can just say hi, he kept thinking, just make a friend, it’s not rocket science. He was sure that if it was rocket science, he would be much better at it anyway. God, why was he just so awkward? He was sure that Mike found some other friends in the meantime anyway. As he should have done because Peter would really be a bad friend. He was never there. And even when he was, his head was somewhere else.
“What am I doing, Gwen?” he asked. He was in the graveyard this time, sitting on the ground in front of Gwen’s grave. “You would know what to say. You would say ‘Peter, get out of your head!’,” he chuckled. “And then I would say something stupid probably, and you would laugh.”
Even though he kept trying to do his little happy things every day, he realised it wasn’t enough to ignore the immense loss he felt. His heart was still just so empty.
“Just need to figure it out, right?” he smiled at the gravestone. “Like May said, learn to live with it and turn it into love.”
He nodded at the gravestone and then slowly got up. He wiped his eyes and then turned around to walk away. He stopped as he saw Mike standing there, watching him.
“Er … hi?” said Peter, trying to mask his voice cracking.
“Hey,” said Mike. “I’m … er … I’m sorry. I was … er … God, this must look really weird. I was just … er … I went to put flowers on my mom’s grave and I saw you, so I thought I would say hi but then … er … you kept talking and I wanted to leave but I somehow didn’t … and … I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to invade,” he stuttered out quickly.
“Oh. It’s okay. It’s a public graveyard,” shrugged Peter. “If I cared about people seeing me cry, I would just cry at home, right?” he chuckled nervously.
“Right. Right,” Mike nodded. “I’m still sorry.”
“It’s fine,” Peter assured him. “I’m sorry that I haven’t texted you … I was … er … busy.”
“Oh, that’s fine! Don’t worry!” Mike smiled. “Are you … are you busy now? Or would you like to grab a coffee?”
“Sure, that sounds nice,” Peter nodded and smiled.
They walked out of the graveyard in awkward silence. The walk wasn’t long, however. Mike stopped in front of a small nice-looking café.
“Here?” he asked. “I like it here.”
“Sure,” Peter nodded. “Lead the way,” he grinned.
Mike led them inside and they sat down at the table in a corner. It was very warm and cosy inside. They ordered their coffees and exchanged awkward looks.
“So … er … sorry about your mom,” said Peter nervously.
“It’s okay, she died when I was a kid,” said Mike.
“Oh, that must’ve been hard.”
“Yeah. But it’s okay. I’ve still got my dad and he’s always been great. He remarried after some years and my stepmom is nice.”
“That’s good,” Peter smiled. “You’ve got any siblings?”
“Two sisters,” Mike replied. “They’re both older and have families already. They moved out of New York.”
“Oh, but you lived in New York before, right?”
“Yeah, I grew up here,” said Mike. “But all my friends are studying elsewhere or moved out. So, I don’t really know many people here.”
“Yeah. Same here,” Peter smiled.
“And what about you? That was your family you were talking to there?” Mike asked. “I mean if you don’t mind me asking. You don’t have to answer!” he said quickly.
“No, no, it’s okay. I … er … I don’t mind talking about her. She deserves to be talked about,” Peter assured him, his voice cracking slightly. “It’s Gwen. She … er … she was my girlfriend back in high school.”
“Oh, I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay. Well, it’s not … er … it’s never going to be okay. But it’s okay,” Peter chuckled. “She was going to study in Oxford, you know. I was planning on moving there with her.”
“You must miss her,” Mike said.
“Yeah,” Peter nodded.
“Well, do you have any family?”
“I have my aunt,” Peter replied. “She’s amazing,” he smiled.
“And your parents?” Mike asked.
“Died when I was a kid, I don’t remember them,” Peter shrugged. “I was brought up by my aunt and uncle. My uncle died no long before Gwen.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. I totally invaded you there,” said Mike. “Er … you don’t even know me and … here I go asking all the uncomfortable questions.”
“It’s okay,” Peter assured him. “I just happen to be a sad orphan,” he chuckled. “So, you studied to be a doctor, right?”
“Yeah, but I never finished. I want to become an actor. So, I’m working as a waiter instead and that’s about it. What about you?”
“Well, I’m still a student. I’m studying to become a science teacher,” Peter explained. “Otherwise, I’m quite busy with … er … taking pictures of Spider-Man.”
“You take pictures of Spider-Man?” Mike asked in awe. “That’s so cool!”
“Yeah, I sell them to The Daily Bugle.”
“Them? But they’re horrible. They only keep slandering him!” Mike exclaimed angrily.
“Well, yeah … but it pays the rent so …,” Peter trailed on.
“And do you talk to him? Is he not bothered by it?”
“I don’t talk to him that much … but … er … he doesn’t care. He believes people will make their own opinion of him. He’s … just trying to help.”
“Yeah. I think he’s doing a good job!” Mike smiled. “Sorry, you probably don’t want to talk about Spider-Man.”
“It’s okay … he’s quite the topic,” Peter smiled. “So, any hobbies?”
“I like to read when I have the time. Or watch a movie. Just regular stuff, you know,” Mike said. “I’m mostly trying to improve my acting and musical skills.”
“Oh, you sing?”
“Kind of. Nothing amazing. But I play the piano and the guitar too. I lost quite a lot of years by studying medicine, so I have a lot of catching up to do. New York actors are crazy,” he chuckled. “What about you? Any hobbies?”
“Well, there’s photography. But that turned into a chore now. I like to skateboard. And I go swimming sometimes.”
“See? That’s not boring at all,” said Mike. “You said you were boring,” he chuckled.
“Well, everything is interesting in theory,” argued Peter jokingly.
Mike laughed slightly but before he could continue the conversation, Peter felt his spider-sense alerting him. Then he could hear faint sirens in the distance. He got up abruptly.
“Er … sorry … I just remembered something … I gotta go!” he said quickly and ran out of the café before Mike could react.
*
When Peter came back home that evening, incredibly tired again, he thought about how rudely he left Mike in that café. Poor Mike, he could’ve been hanging out with anyone normal but no, he had to land me, he thought to himself. He changed into his clothes and tried to make himself look like he hasn’t just been thrown into several walls, and walked over to Mike’s apartment. He knocked and waited. Then, a woman opened the door.
“Er … hi?” said Peter nervously. “Is … is Mike home?”
“MJ!” she shouted and left. Soon, Mike appeared at the door.
“Hey,” he smiled. “You’re okay?”
“Yeah … er … MJ?” asked Peter.
“Oh, yeah, it’s my name. I’m Michael Jai. So … MJ,” he explained. “You can call me that too, it’s fine,” he smiled.
“Okay. Er … sorry to interrupt. I just … wanted to apologize for running away today,” Peter said.
“It’s okay, you had something,” Mike said reassuringly.
“Yeah, but I shouldn’t have just left like that. I didn’t even pay for my coffee. I’m sorry.”
“No worries, you can buy next time,” Mike smiled and Peter suddenly felt warm at the promise of their being the next time.
“MJ! The popcorn’s ready!” the woman shouted from inside.
“Coming!” Mike shouted back. “Sorry, it’s my sister. She wanted to have a break from the kids, so she came to visit me. Unannounced,” he said a bit bitterly. “We’re watching a movie. Do you want to join?”
“No, no, I wouldn’t want to invade on your family time,” said Peter. “Besides, I’m pretty tired, so I would probably fall asleep five minutes in. You don’t want me drooling all over your couch,” he grinned.
“Yeah … no … that would be …,” Mike trailed on nervously.
“Anyway, I’m gonna go. I’ll … uh … I’ll text you,” said Peter.
“It’s in your hands!” Mike grinned.
Peter smiled and walked back to his flat. MJ. So, there was an MJ in his universe. Well, that did not necessarily mean that they were supposed to be together. Just because the other Peters were with MJ, didn’t mean he would be. The other Peters didn’t have Gwen, so maybe he wasn’t getting MJ. But maybe he was. No, stop thinking about it!
The thing was, Peter didn’t mind MJ being a man. He knew that he found other men attractive but he never tried to explore it further. It was just always Gwen for him, so why should he? And Mike was … well Mike seemed to be nice. Peter thought he was cute. He didn’t make Peter feel bad about running off. But none of that meant they were supposed to be together, right? Maybe he’s just meant to be my friend, Peter thought.
“What do you think, Gwen? Am I overthinking it?” he asked the empty room. “You’re right, I probably am. He’s just a person. He just happens to be called MJ. That’s it.”
*
Peter was again very busy in the following days. His exams were coming up and he really needed to study. So, he spent most of his time studying. That was, of course, when he wasn’t swinging on his spider net. Which was quite often. Aunt May kept calling him to make sure he was okay, and in those phone calls, Peter kept assuring her he was. He told her what ‘little happy thing’ he did that day and that he was way too busy studying for his exams to go see her. After a few days, he finally decided to text Mike.
Hi. This is Peter. Parker? Your neighbour. I’m free tonight if you want to hang out. No pressure.
He sent the text in hopes that there would be no incident and that he would really be free in the evening. But of course, life never went the way he wanted. Spider-Man duty caught up with him. He was trying to get home as quick as he could but that didn’t work. As he was swinging back to his street, he finally checked his phone.
Hey, Peter! Nice to hear from you. Sure, how about 7pm?
Is 7pm okay?
Hello? Did something happen?
Do you want to postpone? It’s fine!
I’ll stop by later, okay?
Did you get caught up in school?
Peter swung into his flat through the window. Oh, he felt so bad. It was almost 10PM now. You know you don’t have to answer every police siren, right? A voice in his head asked him.
“I know, Gwen, I know,” he sighed and took off his mask.
Suddenly, there was a knock on his door.
“Peter?” asked Mike from the other side. “Are you home? Are you okay?”
“Y-yeah! Just a sec!” he called and tried to wiggle quickly out of his costume, which only resulted in him falling heavily on the ground.
“What happened? Are you okay?” Mike called worriedly.
“Yeah, yeah, just fell down!” said Peter and finally managed to get out of the costume. He quickly put a t-shirt and sweatpants on and opened the door.
“Hey, Mike, sorry … I … er … must have fallen asleep,” he said.
“Oh my God, Peter! Are you okay?” exclaimed Mike, concern written all over his face. “You’re all beaten up again.”
“Oh …,” Peter drawled. He forgot to check how bad he looked. “I … er … fell off my skateboard again.”
“Peter, I …,” Mike sighed. “Look, I realise we don’t know each other that well, but-.”
“I’m sorry I bailed on you!” Peter said quickly. “I should’ve texted. I’m sorry, I lost track of time, sometimes it happens to me, it’s nothing to do with you.”
“Oh, please, what am I, twelve? I don’t care you didn’t text me, it’s okay,” said Mike. “But I was gonna ask if … if … look, is anyone hurting you? Doing this to you? You’re always beaten up, you’re always tired, you’re all over the place.”
“No, no, no, I’m just very clumsy, that’s all,” Peter tried to assure him.
“I don’t want to invade your privacy or anything but I can help. If you have troubles with anyone, or maybe an addiction problem, or anything? I know it’s totally not my place, I respect your privacy, but I would hate it if I didn’t at least try to help.”
Oh, sweet Mike, Peter thought.
“No, it’s not anything like that,” Peter said seriously. “Look, I’m very sorry. I’m not good at being friends with people. And I am just very very clumsy. Trust me. But I appreciate your concern,” he smiled.
“Okay, I’m sorry, I don’t want to be annoying, or too nosy,” said Mike.
“You’re okay. I’m just … er … not used to it. But it’s nice,” Peter smiled. “I’m sorry again for bailing on you.”
“Well, thanks for apologizing,” Mike returned his smile. “Say, you want to still grab a drink?”
“Er, sure, why not, let me just change into something.”
“Okay, see you in ten minutes?”
“Make it five,” Peter smiled.
They went to a bar down the street and it was refreshing.
“So, you had a good day?” Peter asked as they ordered their drinks.
“It was fine,” Mike shrugged. “I stood in a line for half a day to get an audition to a musical. When I finally got there, I sang three lines and they sent me away.”
“Sorry about that,” said Peter.
“I’m used to it,” Mike smiled. “So, what about you? How was your day?”
“Oh, I just studied,” Peter smiled. “I probably fell asleep, that’s how exciting it was,” he chuckled.
“And you went to the skate park?” Mike asked.
“Oh … yeah! Yeah, and fell down … er … on my face. No huge loss,” Peter joked.
“Well, I wouldn’t say that,” Mike smiled and Peter blushed.
The conversation then flew freely and Peter was enjoying himself. He forgot how nice it felt to just spend time with someone. The thing about MJ was that he just made Peter feel safe. As if it didn’t matter what he said. He was also very funny, kind and smart. Peter just felt comfortable and he didn’t feel that way in a long time.
*
As time went by, Peter spent more and more time with Mike. He even promoted spending time with Mike to one of his daily ‘little happy things. Of course, Peter was still incredibly busy. He bailed on MJ several times by accident but MJ never made him feel about it. It was nice to a friend. When he told Aunt May about his new friend, she made him bring MJ to dinner. And that way also started the friendship between MJ and Aunt May. So, almost every time Peter went to see Aunt May, MJ came along. And then, MJ invited Peter to Sunday lunch with his family. Which was … quite scary. And Peter bailed. Several times. All of the time was because of Spider-Man duty but he was quite glad that he had an excuse. Although, he had to come up with very good excuses for MJ.
“I’m not scared, Gwen,” he said to himself as he once again returned to his flat and missed the Sunday lunch. “Things just keep coming up.”
Then there was a knock on the door. Peter sighed, preparing himself and opened the door. Mike seemed angry, and he never seemed angry.
“Are you talking to Gwen again?” he asked before Peter could blurt out the range of excuses he had prepared.
“Wha-what?” Peter blinked at him and Mike just came into his flat.
“Come on, Peter, did you think I didn’t notice?” he smirked and sat down on the couch. “You talk to her all the time. Even when you don’t realise. You just mutter under your breath.”
“Oh. I … er … I’m sorry?” Peter said nervously.
“It’s not healthy, you know. I didn’t say anything before but you should really do something about that.”
“Hmm … yeah … I guess.”
Peter wasn’t sure how to react because this was not at all the conversation he was prepared for.
“I talked to May about it and we both think you should go to therapy,” Mike said.
“You – you talked to May? Wh-when?” Peter stuttered, still standing by the door.
“We get coffee sometimes,” Mike said as if it was completely normal.
“So, you get coffee and talk about me?” asked Peter, getting quite angry.
“As much as interesting you are, Peter, we talk about our own lives,” MJ deadpanned.
“Is that supposed to be funny? Look, you really crossed a line there, Michael.”
“Michael?” MJ chuckled. “Of course, once I mention Gwen, I cross a line. Don’t you get it, Peter? We’re just worried about you!”
“You don’t go talking behind my back when you’re worried about me!” Peter exclaimed.
“And what should I do then? You keep bailing on me,” Mike shrugged.
“I’m sorry, alright, I’m sorry about that, I didn’t mean to bail on you today, it just happened,” Peter started.
“Save it, Peter. I’ve accepted that you don’t keep a track of time, it’s okay, that’s just how you are. And I can’t change that. I wouldn’t want to change you. But you see how hard it is? You never open up, you talk to imaginary Gwen instead of me, and you’re so scared of meeting my family, you can’t even admit it.”
“I’m … I’m just not good at keeping friends,” Peter said.
“You’re not good at it or you don’t want to be good at it?” Mike challenged.
“Right … I’m sorry, Mike, for bailing on your family again. I … have no excuse.”
“Alright, it’s okay, Peter,” Mike nodded. “I forgive you.”
“Good, thank you,” Peter nodded. “But you have no right to talk about things like this behind my back. I know both you and Aunt May mean well but … I’m getting better. This is the best I have felt since losing her. And for you to say things like this … and with Aunt May. That’s not okay.”
“You’re right,” Mike agreed. “I’m sorry.”
“Okay,” Peter nodded. “Thank you.”
Mike smiled and then walked over to him. He hugged Peter carefully. Peter was taken aback by this. They didn’t hug really, they patted each other on the shoulder or on the back, but never a hug. It was nice. It felt … like home.
“Start wearing a helmet, your face is all bruised again,” Mike said as he let go of Peter and Peter just chuckled.
*
After that incident, MJ didn’t try to make Peter meet his family again and Peter didn’t ask. He was still worried about it. He didn’t want to meet the people that would later associate him with their son being in pain, as Peter was sure that was inevitable to happen. Then, another problem arose. MJ had to find a cheaper apartment since he didn’t have many acting jobs lining up and couldn’t afford rent anymore. And Peter, without hesitating, decided to find a flat together with MJ. His reasoning was that he couldn’t really afford to live alone either, and what was the point of staying there if MJ was away. So, they found a small flat that was affordable for them to split the rent.
Living with MJ was comfortable. He kept humming songs while he was cooking (and his cooking was amazing), he decorated the flat with all types of plants, and he always left Peter little notes on the fridge. The only problem was that now it was much harder for Peter to hide Spider-Man from him. He had to be much quieter when he climbed into his room through the window. Sometimes he had to change and then climb out again just to go through the door because he knew Mike was asleep on the couch, making sure Peter got home safe. Mike never asked where Peter disappeared to, he seemed to accept that Peter just needed time for himself. It was quite endearing actually.
Then, finally, Peter met MJ’s family. He was able to make it to one of their Sunday lunches. He knew the address, so he just appeared, to everyone’s surprise. It was nearing Mike’s birthday and Peter wanted to surprise him. He couldn’t think of anything better. The lunch turned out to be great. There was a lot of people, with both of Mike’s sisters having husbands and two kids each. Everyone was welcoming to Peter and he felt stupid for not going sooner.
“So, you’re the famous Peter,” said Mike’s dad. “It’s good to finally meet you. MJ can’t shut up about you.”
“Dad!” MJ hissed.
“Really?” Peter chuckled. “Well, your son is the best friend I could have asked for,” he said sincerely.
“I’m just glad he’s not alone,” Mike’s dad smiled. “It’s important to have someone, right?”
“Yeah,” Peter nodded and when he looked at Mike, he appeared to be blushing.
*
Peter was doing such a good job at hiding Spider-Man. One night, he was particularly beaten up, though. He was worried, he would pass out on his way home. He climbed into his room, trying to be quiet and he thought he was. But as he was climbing out of his suit, the door to his room opened.
“Peter?” Mike called tiredly into the darkness and then turned on the light.
Then they were just staring at each other. Peter wasn’t sure what to do. He fucked up. MJ knew and now he was in danger, just like Gwen. He fucked up, he fucked up, he fucked up.
“You didn’t fuck up,” MJ said suddenly. “I think Gwen agrees.”
Oh. He didn’t realise he said it out loud.
“You look terrible,” MJ said and his voice was weak.
“I feel terrible,” Peter managed to say and his legs felt weak. He tried to make a step towards Mike but they gave in and he fell down.
“Oh, Peter, come on, sit down on the bed,” said MJ and helped him stand up and sit down on the bed. “I’ll bring the first-aid kit.”
Then, Mike was cleaning Peter’s wounds in silence. Peter felt like he was in some sort of haze. Eventually, he passed out. When he woke up, he was lying in his bed, a blanket was thrown over him and Mike sitting next to him and reading a book.
“Hi,” Peter said nervously. “Thanks … for helping me.”
“Hey,” said MJ, putting the book down on the bedside table. “How are you feeling?”
“Much better,” Peter smiled. “Look … I …er … I’m Spider-Man.”
“No shit,” MJ chuckled. “Oh, Petey,” he sighed. “Why didn’t you tell me? I mean … you don’t owe me anything but … wouldn’t … wouldn’t it just be easier? All this sneaking around, all this bailing, all these bruises.”
“MJ,” Peter started. “I’m sorry for not telling you. No one knows. Not even Aunt May. The only person that knew was Gwen and she is gone because I couldn’t save her. I just … didn’t want to lose you too.”
“Peter, I can’t promise anything,” Mike sighed. “But anything could happen to me every day and it doesn’t have to be because you’re Spider-Man. But the fact that you’re on this all alone that’s what bothers me the most.”
“Well … er … I’m used to it,” Peter shrugged.
“You shouldn’t have to be!” MJ exclaimed. “You’re out there all the time, every day I see Spider-Man on the news being thrown through windows, under cars, being stabbed, shot, beaten. You don’t have to go through all of this.”
“I do! With great power comes great responsibility!” said Peter.
“Yes, but you also have a responsibility to yourself!” Mike countered.
“Mike … I … what should I do?”
“Take care of yourself, that’s all I ask,” said Mike. “And for the love of God talk to me, ask for help, don’t be alone.”
“Okay,” Peter nodded. “I think I can do that.”
“Good.”
They stared at each other for a moment and then, Mike did something Peter didn’t expect at all. He lounged at him and hugged him tightly. They were basically cuddling on Peter’s bed. He heard MJ sniffle.
“Hey, hey, what’s wrong?” Peter asked, his arms tightening around MJ.
“Just … I was so worried about you all the time … I still am. And, you were alone for all of this. And there were times I wasn’t nice to you, that I was angry that you didn’t show up to something. And all this time you were out there, getting beaten up and saving the world.”
“MJ, hey, MJ,” whispered Peter. “I … I couldn’t ask for a better friend than you. I’m so lucky that you’re there for me. You never made me feel bad and a lot of the times I wasn’t a good friend to you.”
“You were … you are,” said MJ and looked up at Peter. Then he rested his forehead on Peter’s forehead.
“MJ … I-.”
“Shh,” MJ cut him off. “Just let me have this for a sec.”
“What do you mean?” Peter asked and MJ pulled away.
“Don’t worry about it,” MJ said nervously and started peeling himself off of Peter.
“Don’t go,” Peter whispered, suddenly scared of being alone and Mike looked at him strangely. “Come back here,” Peter said.
MJ seemed to be hesitating for a while. Then, he came back right into Peter’s personal space, hugging him again.
“It’s good that you’re Spider-Man, I was really worried you were in a drug gang or something,” MJ said into his chest and Peter chuckled. “I think I’m gonna go make some breakfast,” MJ said eventually and got up.
Peter immediately felt like something was missing. As MJ left the room and went to the kitchen, Peter wanted to draw him back to him, to never let him go. Oh God, I guess I really do have my MJ, he thought as to be buried his head in his hands.
“I know, Gwen, I know, I’m an idiot,” he said as he got up from his bed.
He realised that he was only in his underwear, which meant that MJ must have helped him out of his suit. That made him feel a bit embarrassed. He put on some clothes and then walked to the kitchen, where MJ was already preparing breakfast.
“I’m making pancakes,” Mike grinned. “I think you need some sugar boost.”
“You’re the best,” Peter smiled and walked behind MJ and hugged him tightly.
“Hm, are you okay?” MJ asked in a kind voice.
“Yeah,” Peter sighed into Mike’s shoulder. “It’s just … I want to kiss you.”
Mike turned around; his face was all lit up like a kid on Christmas Day.
“Then do it,” he said.
And so, Peter leaned in and kissed him. Suddenly, he felt like a missing puzzle piece was finally put in its place. And MJ kissed him back and it was perfect. “I have my own MJ,” Peter whispered against Mike’s lips.
“What?” MJ chuckled.
“I’ll explain it someday,” Peter said and kissed him again.
“You have no idea how long I wanted to do this,” MJ said as they broke apart.
“Then why didn’t you?”
“I was worried you were in a drug gang, remember? I wasn’t sure it was the best idea.”
“You wouldn’t kiss me if I was in a drug gang?” Peter asked, feigning being hurt.
“Oh, shut up,” Mike laughed. “Let me make these pancakes.”
“Okay,” Peter kissed him one last time and then sat down on the other side of the counter.
“So,” Mike said as he was pouring the batter into the pan. “You’re basically selling your selfies to the bugle,” he snickered.
“It’s my way of getting paid for all the hard work,” Peter grinned.
“Right. Well, you should start an Instagram, or Twitter as Spider-Man. Become an influencer or something,” Mike said teasingly. “Oh, I could see it! ‘Hey, guys, today I was helping an old lady to cross a street but turns out she is a supervillain and plans to attack New York!’”
“Well, old ladies super villains are my biggest fear,” Peter chuckled.
“Is it okay that I still don’t like spiders?” Mike asked. “Like are you okay with that? Or are you gonna be like that bug alien guy from Men In Black?”
“As long as you throw them out and not kill them, then that’s fine,” Peter smiled.
Later, Mike had to leave for a rehearsal of this low budget play he was in (which Peter couldn’t wait to see). He almost left too late because Peter was way too clingy (which he knew Mike didn’t mind) and couldn’t stop kissing him. When Peter was alone, trying to study for his exams (that he missed several times now), he felt truly happy. And he realised that he felt happy for some time. Maybe even since MJ appeared in his life.
“See, Gwen, I made it. I’m happy,” he said into the room. “Thanks for being happy for me,” he smiled.