Chapter Text
Guidance remembers the surface quite well, being a newly minted adult when they all went beneath the waves. She was one of many war-time orphans but her true family was the Parish of Benevolence and she was never lonely. She had a different name then, but it was so hard to remember small, insignificant details like that.
She could never be sure when it started, her memories got a little hazy around the first couple years of their new home. An understandable reaction to such a dramatic relocation. It was a grieving process for all of them, and Guidance had thrown herself into building a life for her family.
At some point though, she must have gotten the attention of Parish leadership, perhaps when she first became an Orator? Whatever it was, she began to be included in more and more important discussions. At the same time, she started getting recognized for her... talent.
See, ever since Guidance was small she had an easy time seeing things from other people's perspectives. The Parish, Founder's Wake in general, needed someone who was so naturally empathetic to take care of people and teach them how to be good and moral.
So the elders took her under their wings to teach her the subtle arts of mind magic. It did not escape her notice that this was an exchange in which they got something from her. Guidance became intimately familiar with the sensation of missing and altered memories. She wasn't too worried though, her family could take whatever they wanted from her, it was theirs.
Besides, it was a double-edged sword, if they could take from her then she could take from them too. There was balance in all things, a subtle, beautiful ballet of minds. Still, even the prettiest dance grows tiring, and Guidance eventually began to nudge them out of the nest with politics and suggestions.
They were always welcome home of course, but they knew not to stay longer than it took to rest and recover. Her Benefactors, bringing back information and relics, spreading her family's influence as Guidance kept said influence strong.
She becomes The Hand and a Ballister at the age of 25, seven years after any of them had witnessed their last sunrise. In the same year, a child was brought to her. Orphans had come to the church before, bedraggled children and teens who had left their birth families above or lost them below.
However, they had always come with documentation, or with knowledge of who they were and where they came from. This poor tot was inconsolable and seemed to barely know anything. Perhaps most interestingly, nobody else knew either. In such an enclosed community, the news of births travel fast, and just about everyone was on record.
Not this child who blinks at her with teary eyes, who reaches out to her with desperate hands. This child was a blank slate, a chance to build something good from the ground up. It was a clear sign from Benevolence that she was on the right track. So, she slipped a little magic into her comforting words and cradled the warm little body close and began to make plans.
It wouldn't do to look too interested in the child, she thought. It would only clue the others in to her plans and breed arrogance and pride. No, she would have to wait until there was solid evidence that the child was useful to set her claim, and she would just have to lay the groundwork for that.
In the meantime though, she named the child Devotion. It would be a reminder to both of them.
There was no way to tell for sure what kind of affinity Devotion would have, but Guidance knew that being exposed to mind magic at a young age tends to pave the way. It made the mind softer and more flexible, comfortable with the feeling of other consciousnesses.
Guidance carefully instructs her teachers and childminders to use a firm hand, and the higher tiered Orators to not be afraid of using a more powerful suggestions or instructions. Devotion's young mind takes to suggestions easily, barely putting up any kind of resistance to anyone and quickly becoming familiar and receptive to outside influence.
It's a good sign because Devotion seems otherwise to be a willful child, as proven three years later. Unaccounted for hours before getting dragged in by Exard! Really, when Guidance was young that would've been grounds for a thorough beating.
The wards of the Parish were lucky nowadays that she didn't truly believe in corporal punishment. No, it was better to make them believe that they've changed their minds of their own accord. If they knew, they would see it as a kindness as she did, but it was better not to give her enemies more ammunition to work with.
As it was, it looked as though Exard at least had not fully held back. That was alright, best to give Devotion someone else to direct fear towards. It would only help make the differences between the two adults more clear, and help the child trust her.
Guidance contemplated what to do. This would be the first time that she would be planting such complicated and nuanced instructions into Devotion's mind. It was risky to do so in young children because they tended to be... too literal.
An older mind understands context and can find loopholes to protect itself, which can be annoying but workable. If you tell a child to "go into a deep sleep" they might end up in a coma. It was best to stick to simple, light suggestions.
Unfortunately, there was no foreseeable way she could simplify her instructions without losing their meaning. So she wrote a letter to his last teacher of the day to keep an eye on Devotion for strange behavior and to report back to her if anything goes badly. It was a simple bit of bs about a child that went missing and suspected mind manipulation.
And then Guidance did what she could to ease the process with a bit of skin and eye contact to establish a stronger connection. With this it would be less likely to fail so she wouldn't have to do it twice and risk breaking the fragile walls of the child's mind.
All seemed to be going well until very early the next morning. Orator Daisy, the teacher that Guidance had entrusted with the task of keeping an eye on Devotion burst into her door. Orator Daisy was only a year younger than her, and had been a constant companion as a child until Guidance began her training as the Hand and Daisy decided to become a teacher.
Daisy didn't wait for her to acknowledge her or even react in any way, hurrying up to her large desk and sweeping everything off of it and onto the floor with one arm. Guidance blinked at the Orator in surprise and alarm, before noticing suddenly that tucked against her hip, in the crook of her other arm was the small lanky body of Devotion.
The other woman was speaking in rapid-fire common, gently laying Devotion out on the table. It took an embarrassingly long time for Guidance to understand what she was saying.
"- and you were right to suspect a spellcaster abduction! I think whoever did this must've been aiming to work them to death! I found the poor child passed out on the floor in exhaustion with hands torn to shreds!" Guidance quickly leaned over Devotion and checked the small child's mind.
All of her instructions were weakened, but still in place. The weakening was likely a feeble attempt from the brain to save itself which was both good and bad news. Good, because it meant that Devotion was at least able to stay alive. Bad, because the more the brain gets used to fighting, the harder it is to convince it to let someone else in.
Guidance made a good show of clear away some and making it look difficult. She kept most of them but did cut out a few of the more... overwhelming urges. It hadn't been her intention to make Devotion collapse, only to keep the child too busy and productive to try something so foolish again.
When she was finished, Daisy looked at her fiercely in a way that Guidance really hadn't been looked at in... well, she couldn't remember how long. She was so used to everyone around her wearing bland expressions recently that she didn't quite understand what such an intense one meant.
"We have to find out who did this, Ṱ̷̼̣͋͒̓̈́u̸̡̗̲͉̱̙̯̝͈̦̦̥̼̓̽̐̾͑̀̍̚͠͠ļ̴̧̛̛̛͇̗̺͓͕̦̲̣̹̺̳̙͍͔̭̩̝̲̭̫̣̦͖̬̺͚̹̖͚̜͍͚͇̻͇̲̘͈̯̖͔̩͙̗̄̏̆̊̑̑̌̐̃̽̋̎̌́̓͌͆̔̄̃̈́͗̐̋͆͊̈̆̿̓͘̕͘͘̚͝ͅị̷̢̧̨̛̩̼͚̱̘̺̜̯̘̯̘̭̝̞̺͔̫̤̠̩̼͕̘̗̺̖̱̦̮͔̤̍͗̍̉͐͆͆͋̌̎̐̈́̊͑̏̓̓͒̆̓̇̑͗̿͊̏̐̇̆͋̽̋͐̈́͘͝ͅp̵̡̧̢̡̢̢̛̪̜̺̹͍͎̼̭̱̝̹̣̙̬̙̻̣̘̥͇͚͍̟͓͉̣͉͇͚͙͙͖̯̥͇̱̥̮͉̫̜͍̲̓̈́̌͋̓͆̐̓̃̈͋͗̂͑̎̆̊̑͒̅͗̑͗̋͛̏̎̑̇̑͌̎͂̓͐̊̿͑̆̒͘͘͝͠, whoever it is, they're powerful and dangerous."
Guidance flinched internally at one of the words, a sudden sharp pain lancing through her head. She would've normally focused on that but right now she was too busy trying to figure out how to throw Daisy off the scent. It was obvious that they wouldn't see eye to eye on this. She had always been leery of the mental arts. Guidance decided to stall for time.
"I know. But right now we can't trust anyone. Go put Devotion to bed and come back, we can plan it out together." It was risky to let the her former friend out of her sight, but Guidance needed as much time as possible. Daisy didn't like the mental arts, but she had a willfull mind that was even better than her own at recognizing and destroying other presences.
"Oh, you and me against the world again. This feels just like old times!" Daisy said with a grin, and it triggered an odd feeling in her chest. Without even fully realizing why, she smirked a little back.
It wasn't her practiced warm smile or the rounded toothy thing she'd always thought was natural. This was sharp and dark and bitter, but it felt... familiar, comforting... like slipping into your room in the cover of night.
As soon as Daisy swept out the door again with Devotion in her arms, Guidance collapsed into her chair. It was time to face the facts. Orator Daisy was a liability that she should've cut out long ago. The fact that she hadn't already was pure sentiment. The other woman would never understand the delicate balance it took to keep the Parish going, would be too prejudiced against Guidance's own magic and methods to even listen.
Daisy had to go and there was no time to feel sorry about it.
She rang up those in her trusted circle on her hidden tonewheels, updating them on the situation and requesting availability and assistance in case things got out of hand. Then she downed her emergency supply of prestige salt, not even bothering to mix it in water as she let it dissolve directly in her mouth. It was time to let go of old things.
When Daisy came back less than ten minutes later, Guidance didn't even hesitate, snagging her at the door and grabbing the taller woman's hands as she looked into her eyes. Her old friend looked confused and alarmed for half a second, before her expression melted into something warm and amused.
"Ṱ̷̼̣͋͒̓̈́u̸̡̗̲͉̱̙̯̝͈̦̦̥̼̓̽̐̾͑̀̍̚͠͠ļ̴̧̛̛̛͇̗̺͓͕̦̲̣̹̺̳̙͍͔̭̩̝̲̭̫̣̦͖̬̺͚̹̖͚̜͍͚͇̻͇̲̘͈̯̖͔̩͙̗̄̏̆̊̑̑̌̐̃̽̋̎̌́̓͌͆̔̄̃̈́͗̐̋͆͊̈̆̿̓͘̕͘͘̚͝ͅị̷̢̧̨̛̩̼͚̱̘̺̜̯̘̯̘̭̝̞̺͔̫̤̠̩̼͕̘̗̺̖̱̦̮͔̤̍͗̍̉͐͆͆͋̌̎̐̈́̊͑̏̓̓͒̆̓̇̑͗̿͊̏̐̇̆͋̽̋͐̈́͘͝ͅp̵̡̧̢̡̢̢̛̪̜̺̹͍͎̼̭̱̝̹̣̙̬̙̻̣̘̥͇͚͍̟͓͉̣͉͇͚͙͙͖̯̥͇̱̥̮͉̫̜͍̲̓̈́̌͋̓͆̐̓̃̈͋͗̂͑̎̆̊̑͒̅͗̑͗̋͛̏̎̑̇̑͌̎͂̓͐̊̿͑̆̒͘͘͝͠, now may not be the time to revisit all parts of the old days, love." She said kindly, even as Guidance flinched from the word. Was that a name? Why did it hurt? No. It didn't matter, this was the best chance she'd get.
Guidance tore through the first small relaxed barriers of the woman's mind. She felt Daisy's grip tighten into something painful as suddenly it got harder and harder to keep doing so, like trying to swim through molasses.
She kept pushing, the only indication that she was making any progress being the trickle of surface-level emotions she could sense, growing slowly stronger. Unexpectedly Guidance burst through on the other side. She didn't even have time to think about bracing before she was hit with an incredible wave of emotion and memory.
The line between Guidance and Daisy blurred as she experienced fear and fell in love and felt the heartbreak of losing the one you love when they choose a cause instead of you. One stood out above the rest with its vivid details and strong emotions.
Two girls giggling with restrained mirth as they sneak away from the darkened caravan. Flopping onto their backs next to each other in a field of long sweet-smelling grass. Together they lay in awed silence, admiring a dark sky so full of stars that it was more velvet blue than black.
Then a soft hand bumped into hers and she reflexively gripped it. She turned to see T̷͈̪̍̉̋͂̍̄͆̊̌̅͊͛͐͌̊̾̓͐̂́͒́̚̚͝͠͝u̷̧̡̧̨̢̨͚̬̠̙̮͈̪̣̫̞̱͇̖͕̼̺̎͛͗̀̏̀͗̎̿̍̅̚͜͜ͅļ̴̨̧̨̨̛̠͍͔͖̰͎̥͓̼͔͈̟̜͓̯̦͓͈͕̝̯̳̜̤̔̇̌͒͛̚̕ͅì̴̢̯̣̳͚͕͕̇p̸̼̭̩̗̭̳͚͙̟̎͌͒͛͋́̉͐̽͗̊̀̾̈́̒͐̓̋̓̒̽̾̐͛̋̈́͜͠͠ͅ looking at her with a sharp smirk that showed a little more than a hint of teeth and eyes so full of life.
Guidance T̶̰͈̯̰̙̺̤͛́̈́̓͑̄ͅu̴̢̧͕̣͎̱͇̰͎̻̮͚͓͂̂́ l̵̨̞̰̳̭̞̇̂̀͋̇͗̓̄̾̎̌́͝͝i̶̤͍̖̪̭̙̅p̶̗̻̮̪͕͂̌͑̆̉̽̔̾̽̓́͊̃̏̚ Guidance T̷̢̼͖̹͓̟̊͘ǘ̸̥̯͘l̷͙̂̓̇̆͆̏̏̕i̵̦̙̣͐̆p̴̮̽̽ grabbed a little flower and tucked it behind her ear.
"A daisy for my Daisy." The girl with Guidance's face said with that twist in her lips, and then everything was soft hands and softer lips.
"I love you, my Tul̶ip̶."
She came back to herself in a rush, and there was a moment of confusion before she realized that she had pulled out of the other woman's mind.
They were sitting on the floor now, and there was blood on her hands where Daisy's nails had bitten into her skin. The other woman had let go and Guidance followed pale and shaking clasped hands up to trembling shoulders and finally met pale, familiar eyes swimming with tears. They flinched away and it felt like a cold knife in her chest.
Everything had gone horribly wrong, and Guidance? Tulip? Who even was she any more? She could barely make sense of it. She knew that she had to keep going, that she couldn't let the other woman get to the Ballisters with what she knew, but it was too much too fast.
She couldn't quite remember the last time she had cried, but now there was a dry sob crawling its way up and out of her throat. Her chest shook and her vision blurred and she felt... so alone.
What was even the point of doing their dirty work and sacrificing everything for her family if it was all like this in the end?
She almost jumped at the sensation of trembling fingers on the back of her hand. Looking up she saw those eyes on her again, the expression in them still scared but determined. She shook the touch off and looked away.
"You need to run." She felt herself saying, the words were a struggle to get out but she had to say them. Her throat felt tight and there was a pain starting up somewhere deep in her head.
"Come with me" that familiar voice replied in a near whisper but it grew stronger as the other woman grabbed her hands again, clutching desperately. "I don't know what's going on but I know you, Tulip, I know you would never do something like that unless you absolutely had to, come with me, we'll figure it out."
She was shaking her head bitterly before the other woman could even finish her sentence.
"You don't know anything. You can't trust me, you can't trust anyone here. You have to run Daisy, now!" She hissed through clenched teeth, as each word felt like a needle in her brain, igniting trails of fire through her thoughts like sparks on gasoline. She ripped her hands out of the other woman's strong grip to clutch at her head in agony.
And that's when the reinforcements arrived.
-----
Guidance woke up in her own bed with a familiar kind of pounding headache and an unfamiliar kind of pain in her ribs. A quick scan through her recent memories revealed no clear answer but some uncomfortable emotions. A little disturbed, she tried to push herself up but fell back with a groan when both sources of pain got worse.
"I find myself suprised at how sloppy you've gotten lately, Guidance." A man's voice came from the corner of the room. Ignoring how much pain it caused her, she snapped upright, one arm clutching protectively around her ribs and the other locked straight to keep her propped up.
Squinting through her pain, Guidance confirmed that it was, in fact, the last person she ever wanted to see again. She pasted on her warmest and brightest smile.
"Benefactor Progression! How lovely of you to come visit me!" The nearly ancient man scoffed, his face twisted into a sneer.
"It wasn't lovely to have to come out of retirement to peel you off the floor and clean up one of your messes, little girl. I have no time for your games. Now, are you really so weak that you couldn't handle one traitor?" Guidance felt very small at his words but she pushed the familiar feeling aside and scraped at her pained memories. She blinked and an image of Orator Daisy bursting through her door with a ferocious expression flashed through her mind.
"Has she been dealt with?" She asked cautiously, the pain in her chest becoming almost unbearable. She pressed her arm into it more tightly and tried to ignore the sudden weird urge to cry. Something was off. More so than to be expected from a conversation with her old mentor.
Progression flapped a wrinkled hand at her lazily.
"Oh yes, after she stabbed you in the ribs and you completely broke her mind we got her arrested and put in a mental hospital. It was self-defense, after all. I'd be more worried about yourself, not the traitor." Guidance flinched internally at his tone and externally at the mention of a mind being /broken./
She knew exactly what he was talking about, a last resort she'd always avoided. In the scale of altering minds, suggestions were like medication, (temporary, easy to change) and instructions were like surgery, (more permanent, always a chance of rejection) breaking a mind was like smashing into someone with a war ship (crushed to paste).
An image of confused, terrified eyes etched itself under the backs of her eyelids. Was that what her old friend had looked like after Guidance had taken every memory and thought the woman had ever experienced and turned it into an unidentifiable slurry that could never be reconstituted again?
Guidance turned her head to hide her expression as she held back the bile in her mouth. No wonder her head hurt and her memories were spotty. The backlash must have been devastating. Few could handle the power it required to do such a thing to a healthy, undamaged mind.
"How long have I been out?" She managed to force herself to ask. It was important, she could feel guilty later but right now she needed to figure out how long Progression had been in charge of things so that she could estimate how much damage she'd have to reverse.
"Oh, only three days. No need to fret, I've left all your little pawns alive and mostly untouched. That child is quite the special one, though. You've been holding out on me." There was only one child he could be referring to, but Guidance refused to feel the fear she could tell was lapping at the edges of her mind. Something must have still shown on her face because the old bastard laughed coldly.
"No worries little girl, I won't take your toy from you. It will do you some good to have a project to break." Progression said smugly and got to his feet, a cruel satisfied smile stretching across his face. "Just be careful you don't get exiled from your home and life's work when you're done playing, eh?"
Then he left her alone to dwell on her guilt and fear in silence.