Work Text:
Disruption in peace came to the Armed Detective Agency under the guise of a a client in need of their services.
A woman in her twenties, along with her butler, asked for a meeting with Kunikida and Dazai. They wanted to hire the Agency to supposedly retrieve an heirloom- a garnet pendant- which had been stolen. As usual, Dazai had taken the woman's hands to compliment her on her ethereal beauty.
The woman had been very flattered and offered a piece of candy to the bandaged detective, who had eaten it promptly. As expected, eating candy from strangers never ended up well, and Dazai fainted in front of them promptly. While Kunikida was distracted by his colleague's sudden collapse, the woman and her attendant had made their quick escape through the window.
Kunikida decided that finding those two culprits could wait. The first priority was to get Dazai checked out. So, presently, all the Agency members were gathered in Yosano's infirmary, Dazai lying down on a bed amongst them.
Atsushi asked nervously, "So? Is Dazai-san going to be okay, Sensei?"
Yosano sighed as she finished her check up, "It's definitely an ability. Because he's Dazai, I can't work my ability on him to heal him, so I don't really know when he's going to be up."
Tanizaki asked, "How did this even happen? Shouldn't he be resistant to all abilities?"
Kunikida corrected him, "He's resistant to abilities that work by touch or have a physical manifestation. If my deductions are correct, that woman's ability was imbued in the candy she personally hand-fed to Dazai. Since Dazai didn't touch the candy, I assume the ability took effect."
Yosano muttered, "Seriously, what a stupid, loophole-filled ability. Why did Dazai even-"
Her sentence was cut off by the gasps of everyone else in the room. Dazai Osamu had started stirring up. As much as everyone was concerned and wanted to know what was going on, they soothed their curiosity and stayed back so Yosano could do the needful.
In the next half minute, Dazai had sat up on the bed properly. But... Let's just say he was very different now. Of course, he still looked the same. But his eyes were dull, dark and cold. His face, which everyone was used to seeing with an annoying grin, portrayed no expression at all. To make a poor comparison, he looked like a dead person who has just been breathed some life into.
As soon as Yosano tried to touch him to assess any possible injuries, her arm was swatted away immediately. Dazai had stood up by now, and when he spoke, his voice was a low, deep growl. Nothing close to the cheerful, goofy voice they were used to hearing.
The detective glared at Yosano first and then at everybody else, "Don't touch me."
He then looked down at himself, assessing his arms and legs, before looking up and speaking again, "I'm taller. How old am I now?"
Kunikida started, "What? Oi, don't mess around-"
Yosano cut him off with a subtle glare before responding to Dazai, "Twenty two. You're twenty two."
Dazai looked at the people around him before speaking again, "I'm eighteen. Mentally. It looks like I've lost my memories of the past four years."
Yosano turned to Kunikida and Ranpo, "That's it! That's the ability he was hit with. Do we know who possesses such an ability?"
Ranpo thought for second before nodding, "KJ Parker. Her ability is called 'The Last Witness'. It either traps or destroys memories from a specific time frame. There's no way of knowing which it is, so the memories might be recoverable or lost completely."
Dazai didn't say anything for a minute or two. Then, he looked around before speaking in that cold voice again, "This isn't Port Mafia grounds. Where am I?"
Kunikida offered up information, maybe as an apology for before, "The Armed Detective Agency. You work here."
The detective spoke again thoughtfully, "It seems by twenty-two year old self knows you, but I do not. Hence, I do not trust you."
Yosano nodded in understanding, "I completely get it. Is there anyone from your past you trust enough? Maybe you can talk to them and figure out a bit about yourself while we try to find the ability user."
Dazai's body still didn't relax when he fished for his phone, "Yeah, I've got it." He then nodded at the others, subtly indicating that their presence was no longer wanted, and that he wanted them to leave. Yosano got the hint immediately, and hence dragged everyone out to the meeting room to discuss about the ability user.
However, before she left last, she heard Dazai speak into his phone in a slightly nervous voice, "Slug? Can you come see me?"
Yosano had no idea who her colleague could be speaking to, but if he trusted them, then Yosano was sure that she could trust them too. Dazai didn't trust people easily even now. It must have been worse in the Mafia. So, if he trusted somebody back then... His world must have been at least a little brighter than what they'd thought.
The other Agency members put all that thought aside and focused on just finding the ability user. According to Ranpo, KJ Parker worked as a freelancer in the underworld. She could be hired by anyone, if they paid enough money. That certainly didn't narrow down the main culprit behind this whole thing. But at least they knew that Parker came after Dazai most likely because she was paid to.
Ten minutes into the meeting, Naomi walked in through the meeting room door. She beckoned at the main office area behind her, "Someone's here to see Dazai-san."
Of course, all the Agency members gave up on their meeting for a while and rushed out to see who exactly Dazai had called. When they finally saw who it was... Well, it was someone they couldn't even have expected in their wildest dreams.
Nakahara Chuuya, the gravity manipulating Mafia executive, stood in the middle of the office, his feet tapping against the floor impatiently. He snapped as soon as he saw the Agency members, "Can somebody fucking get Dazai already? I've been waiting here for two minutes and I'd rather not wreck your office."
Before anybody could say anything, Dazai had apparently heard his rival's voice, because he came rushing out from the infirmary room. Everyone was very surprised when they saw that Dazai's eyes had brightened and his body had relaxed as soon as he saw the port mafia executive.
The now detective wrapped his arms around the mafioso's shoulders, "Chuuya!"
Of course, Chuuya pushed him off immediately, "Don't fucking touch me, asshole! You call me randomly and tell me I have to come see you immediately because it's an emergency and then you just hang up?! I was in a fucking mission two cities away!"
Dazai's lips parted, "You knew that you'd find me here? In this office?"
Chuuya smacked him in the arms, "Obviously! This is your fucking workplace."
The brunet looked at the Agency members before turning back to Chuuya, "Oh, so they weren't lying. I really do work here."
It was at this point that Chuuya finally realised that something was very off about Dazai. He stepped back instinctively, as if he viewed Dazai as a potential threat. He asked in a low voice, "Who are you? You're not... You're not the Dazai I know now."
Yosano was taken aback when she noticed that Dazai looked hurt for a second there when Chuuya said that. She hastened to explain the situation, "Nakahara. This is the same Dazai. He's just been hit by an ability and lost memories of the past four years of his life."
Chuuya's head whipped around to look at his partner, "Oh. So you really aren't the Dazai I know now. You're the shitty bastard I knew four years ago. That makes more sense. Oi, you're eighteen now?"
Dazai's body relaxed again and he nodded, "Yeah. Eighteen."
The mafioso asked carefully, "Eighteen before or after the..."
Dazai replied in a curt voice, "After. I know of his death."
Chuuya sighed before reaching his hand out to rub Dazai's arm, "Right. I really didn't want to have to explain that to you."
As expected of him, the taller of the duo changed the topic immediately. He tilted his head down to look at Chuuya, "Ne Chuuya, is it just me or have you not grown at all in the last four years?"
The redhead kicked the other in the legs now before glaring at him threateningly, "You want to die, asshole?"
Dazai actually cracked a grin, "Always, but something tells me my twenty two year old self wouldn't appreciate it as much."
The Agency members were rather traumatised by the sight of the Mafia Executive giving a soft smile, "Yeah. You're not wrong."
Dazai grinned some more before burying his face in Chuuya's hair, clinging on to the mafioso. The redhead complained a bit, but then he pretty much gave his partner a piggyback ride to the Agency's meeting room anyway. He muttered as they both took the same seat, "You realise I'm not eighteen anymore, right? You're way taller, I can't carry you around."
Dazai lifted his head from the other's hair, "Eh? Is Chuuya saying he's a tiny and weak Chibi?"
Chuuya ribbed the other with his elbow, "Shut the fuck up, why don't you?"
He then turned back to the Agency members who were all seated by now as well, "Ignore him. Now, what kind of shitty ability hit this guy here? Whatever happened to his oh-so-wonderful nullification ability?"
It took the Agency about five minutes to explain everything to the mafioso. Nakahara Chuuya was surprisingly rather sharp. They had always viewed him as the muscles in the infamous duo that was Double Black. They had always just assumed that Dazai was smart one in their partnership.
But as it turns out, that isn't true at all. Dazai is certainly a prodigy genius, but Chuuya isn't inadequate in any sense. He's smart too, but just not on the psychopath levels of genius that Dazai seemed to have.
When the explanation was finally done, Chuuya groaned in annoyance, "You're telling me KJ -I want to commit a double suicide with Dazai-san- Parker is behind this shitty mess?! That bitch never stops, huh. Never mind, I'll take care of it. She's just... God, I hate her."
Dazai once again lifted his head from Chuuya's shoulder, "Eh? Who's KJ Parker?"
The mafioso sighed in sheer annoyance, "You probably know her better as Keika-chan."
The detective spoke incredulously, "She's Keika-chan?! How the fuck does she keep managing to get to me?"
The gravity manipulator raised his hand to smack his partner's head lightly, "It's because you're a suicidal idiot, damn it. Who knew she'd come after you even after you left the damn Mafia?"
The question that everybody wanted to ask was finally asked by Yosano. She clapped her hands to get Double Black's attention, "Any of you wanna explain what you're talking about? Who's KJ Parker?"
Dazai promptly yawned and went back to resting his head against Chuuya's shoulders. The mafioso cursed profanities at him briefly before turning to the Agency and explaining with a sigh, "Keika is somebody we met at an undercover mission several years ago. This bastard Dazai flirted with her for like ten seconds, and she became obsessed with him for life. We've seen her several times on Mafia grounds after that incident.
My guess is that she just wanted his attention again and then put on a disguise to pull this shit. Perfect disguises are her 'attendant's' ability. How very annoying. I fucking hate that bitch, ugh."
Atsushi spoke up hesitantly from his seat, "Um, Chuuya-san. You said you'd take care of it, so... Do you have an antidote for Dazai-san's amnesia?"
Chuuya snapped his fingers, "Oh, right! Yeah, don't worry about it. Leave it to me."
The executive then pulled out his phone and scrolled through his contacts for a few seconds before calling someone. He even put the call on speaker so Dazai (and by extension the others) could hear the conversation too.
The person on the other end of the call picked up after three rings. A cheerful voice rung out from the phone, "Chuuya-kun~"
Kunikida recognised the voice right away, "That's the woman Dazai and I met with. No doubt about it."
Chuuya ignored that before speaking to the woman again, "God fucking hell, Keika. Can you seriously stop already? Dazai really doesn't want to commit a double suicide with you."
The woman, Keika, actually had the audacity to sound heartbroken, "What~! How's that possible! Even after I took his memories? Shouldn't he be desperate to commit a double suicide with me now?"
Chuuya glared at Dazai, threatening him silently to clear this mess up with Keika, or else. Dazai rolled his eyes at his partner before leaning ahead to speak into the phone, "Keika-chan, again, I really don't want to die with you. I'm still very much taken and in a relationship as I have been for the last three years. Wait, I mean, the last seven years."
Keika complained, "But that's so unfair! You've stolen my heart, Dazai-san~ Won't you take responsibility?"
The mafioso muttered loudly, "Fucking hell, she's just as ridiculous as you, shitty Dazai."
He then changed his focus to the woman on the call, "Listen here, Keika. Give back his memories right now, alright? You really don't want me to come hunt you down personally, do you?"
Keika yelped, "Uwah, how scary! Fine, I'll give back his memories. Just because you asked so nicely, Chuuya-kun~ It will take some time though."
Chuuya rubbed his temples before sighing, "Get it done within half an hour tops."
A bit of rustling from the other end of the call, "Understood, Chuuya-kun. Well then, you have a good day." Then the call ended with a beep.
The mafia executive turned to the Agency members, "His memories should be back within half an hour."
Kunikida spoke in extreme confusion, "Ah, yes... Thank you, Nakahara-san. You have the contact number of such an ability user?"
Chuuya sighed, "Yeah, well, like I said. We've had to deal her bullshit for way too long. It's easier to have her on speed dial at this point, not that I do. Sometimes I genuinely think that she's shitty Dazai's long lost twin or something."
Dazai mumbled from behind him, "My long lost twin would definitely be cuter than Keika-chan."
It was then that Yosano was reminded of the very important question that she had wanted to ask. She stood up and pointed an accusing finger at her colleague, "Oi, you! Didn't you say you've been in a relationship for the last seven years just now? Why is this the first time I'm hearing of this!"
Dazai tilted in head as if he was genuinely baffled, "Eh? My older self hasn't told you about my cursed luck? I've been this little Chibi's boyfriend since we were fifteen!"
As expected, the meeting room was thrown in absolute chaos. Atsushi and Tanizaki just stared at each other in confusion, whereas Kenji was way too excited at this new revelation. On the other hand, Kyouka and Ranpo just sat there, completely unsurprised.
Kunikida spluttered in his seat, "You- What! What is the meaning of this?"
Yosano glared daggers at her colleague, "You were just pretending to be single when I was telling you about how I'm way too single? I thought you related to my feelings! Fuck you, Dazai."
Chuuya scoffed loudly, breaking the commotion, "That's not true. I'm not this bastard's boyfriend anymore."
The room suddenly stilled at this new development. Eighteen year old Dazai seemed to think that him and Chuuya were still together even after he left the Mafia. But in reality... That seemed to be not true at all. They probably broke up when Dazai turned traitor to the Mafia.
Apparently, Dazai had the same thought process as well, "Waaa? My older self must be stupid if he broke up with Chuuya?"
Chuuya raised his eyebrows, "What makes you think I didn't break up with you, asshole?"
The now detective whined, "Because Chuuya loves me! He would never! I want my old Chuuya back; I don't think I like adult Chuuya!"
The mafioso just snorted as he patted the other's head, "Dramatic asshole."
Before anything else could be said between them, Kunikida cleared his throat in question, "So the two of you are not together anymore?"
Chuuya turned to face him and tilted his head in pretend innocence, "When did I say that? I just said I'm not his boyfriend anymore. I never said anything about not being his husband?"
Well, if Kunikida broke his fourth pen of the day, that was his business. Kyouka and Ranpo had already left to go on a snack run at this point, and Atsushi and Tanizaki were very desperately trying to get away as well. Yosano just glared at Dazai some more; she had genuinely thought that Dazai related to her pain of being so single.
Meanwhile, Dazai looked up at Chuuya, "You married me in the future?"
Chuuya just looked at him for a few seconds before smiling, "Yeah. I married you."
He then blushed before rolling his eyes and standing up, "Anyway, let's go home already. Your memory will be back soon."
For a change, Kunikida didn't try to stop Dazai as he left during the middle of the work day. With his husband, no less. Honestly, the idealist was still trying to wrap his brains around everything that had just happened. Well, can he even be blamed?
Dazai's memory came rushing back while he was walking back home with his partner. He stilled in the middle of the sidewalk, his eyes blinking of their own accord a few times. His body jerked once before he slightly slumped against Chuuya. The mafioso had seen this exact process happen several times in the past, and caught Dazai on instinct.
The brunet blinked at the other, "Eh? Chuuya's here? What's going on?"
Chuuya ticked the events off his gloved fingers, "You got hit by Keika's ability again, lost four years of your memory and were mentally eighteen, you called me to come meet you, your Agency colleagues told me the situation, I called Keika and had her return back your memories, you told your colleagues that you've been dating me since we were fifteen, I revealed the fact that we're married subsequently. Yeah, that's it."
Dazai's eyes widened for a second before his lips settled into a simple smile, "Ah. So, that's how it is. Certainly very interesting."
A few minutes after that, on their continued walk back home, the detective spoke again, "But seriously, Keika-chan again?!"
Chuuya just groaned, "I fucking know right. Can't ever catch a fucking break with her."
Dazai simply laughed as he wrapped an arm around his husband's shoulders as the two of them kept walking.