Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Part One

2017

Listen to: “Your Friend” by Alexandre Desplat or “Gold” by Chet Faker

Yeosang was his best friend. Sure, he had a lot of other friends, but Yeosang was the best of those. Which was why, if Wooyoung could have his way, he’d be debuting in a group with Yeosang. Along with a bunch of other talented, cool people, of course.

Only, he hadn’t gotten his way.

“Where do you even plan on going?” Wooyoung fiercely whispered to Yeosang in the hallway of the BigHit building.

Yeosang shrugged. “I don’t know, anywhere that’ll take me, I guess.”

“That’s crazy. You’re crazy. You know that? This is BigHit for crying out loud. Unless you plan on getting into one of the Big Three?”

“Obviously not, but hopefully a company that’ll actually debut me. Or at least tell me that they don’t plan on debuting me instead of just stringing me along.” Yeosang put his backpack over his shoulder and started his way down the stairwell, Wooyoung close on his tail.

“But that’s just it! Maybe they aren’t stringing you along! They didn’t tell us they didn’t plan on debuting us. We’ll debut in the group after the next, I’m sure of it.” Wooyoung couldn’t help his loud voice; it echoed in the concrete stairwell. Yeosang didn’t even shush him, which wasn’t a good thing, because that really did mean that Yeosang was leaving the company.

Yeosang stopped at one of the landings, Wooyoung abruptly halting at the step above it. “And when will that be, Woo? The next group - the one we’re not in - is going to debut probably in about a year. Maybe two. The group we won’t be in. And then they’ll wait a few years and debut another group. And by that point we’ll be old, washed up, and forgotten. I’m just acknowledging the inevitable and getting out while I still can.”

Wooyoung was a good head taller than Yeosang like this. If things were different, he’d relish in it. Tease him that he was the taller one now. But all he could focus on was that he was losing a friend. “Well, what am I supposed to do? Huh? We were supposed to debut together. We’re brothers.”

Yeosang sighed. He didn’t look angry or upset. He looked so sure of himself. And Wooyoung couldn’t imagine why. He was ditching BigHit for what would inevitably be a smaller company. And that was if Yeosang was even able to get into another company at all. But, then again, it was Yeosang. He was handsome, charming, and polite. He’d easily find another company. Which, would probably explain his decision to leave. “You can come too, you know. You’re talented. I wanna see you debut someday.”

He scoffed. “What are the odds of us getting into another company together?”

“You never know,” Yeosang shrugged with a small smile.

Wooyoung didn’t reply. He just hovered on that step above Yeosang. Back up the stairs were the rest of the trainees. Yeonjun, Soobin. His friends, sure. But not his brother. Not Yeosang.

But also back up the stairs was safety. Security. It was BigHit. He’d gotten into Big-fucking-Hit. Which meant he had as much potential as Park Jimin did. And that meant…everything.

But did it mean as much as Yeosang?

“It’s okay if you want to stay, you know,” Yeosang kept smiling.

Wooyoung’s voice was finally quiet when he replied: “I think I do.”

Yeosang slowly nodded his acknowledgment. “And you know we’ll still be friends, right?”

Wooyoung leapt down from the step and swooped up Yeosang in a big hug, Yeosang letting out a low “oof!”. He buried his head in Yeosang’s neck and squeezed him as tightly as he could. “We’ll still be brothers, you mean.” 

“Of course,” he heard Yeosang say, “my totally loud…totally obnoxious…totally amazing brother.”

*

Trainee life without Yeosang wasn’t the same. It also didn’t help that Yeonjun trained separately now since he was in the debuting group line-up.

Yeosang had been there through every single day of training for Wooyoung. He’d already been a trainee when Wooyoung got there. He’d never experienced a day without him. And the days without Yeosang were long and boring. Filled with constant reminders that his best friend was gone and he wasn’t going to debut anytime soon.

When Yeosang left, Wooyoung didn’t even want think about leaving BigHit. But now? It’s all he ever thought about. He was slowly growing more and more miserable. And the potential of meeting Park Jimin wasn’t even enough to keep him hanging on. He started researching other companies online. And of course, he and Yeosang continued their friendship over text, so he also stayed updated on all the companies Yeosang auditioned for.

One day, Yeosang told him he was auditioning for a company called KQ. He didn’t think too much of it. It was probably the fifth or sixth company Yeosang had auditioned for in the last several weeks.

Until Yeosang texted him that he’d gotten in. He was now a trainee at KQ, and Wooyoung was still a trainee at BigHit, and very possibly, Yeosang was going to debut before Wooyoung.

He wasn’t jealous. He could never be jealous of Yeosang. Yeosang deserved to debut, with all the sweat and hard work he’d seen him put in over the years.

But…they were supposed to debut together. Not apart.

*

“Hello?”

“Hello, is this Jung Wooyoung-sshi?”

Wooyoung glanced around the bus stop, his phone held up to his ear. “Yes, hello, this is he.”

“Ah, Wooyoung-sshi, this is Yoo Hyunwoo from KQ Entertainment. How are you doing today?”

*

“You got me an audition at KQ?!” He wasn’t even holding the phone up to his ear as he was screaming into it on the bus. An older woman glared at him, but he didn’t pay her any attention.

Yeosang’s low voice came rumbling through the phone’s speaker, muffled by it not being on speakerphone. He was most likely complaining about Wooyoung’s loudness.

“How did you even do that?” Wooyoung asked Yeosang normally, the phone once again returned to his ear.

“Did you take it?” he said, ignoring Wooyoung.

Of course Wooyoung did, he wasn’t stupid. You always took the auditions you could get, at least, if you wanted to actually become something. And Wooyoung did. He didn’t want to be a perpetual trainee and eventually have to settle for being a background dancer. He wanted to be in the foreground. He wanted to debut! “Well, yeah, but – ”

“Good, because it’s really just a formality anyways,” Yeosang said.   

Wooyoung’s head reeled. “I…I’m still at BigHit.”

A moment passed before Yeosang replied. “I know. Woo…I’m not telling you what you should do. I know you wouldn’t listen anyways.”

He laughed a bit to himself and looked out the bus window at the buildings slowly going by. “You’re right, I wouldn’t.”

“Just…just know that this is most likely your road to debuting. You know, unless you wouldn’t want to debut with me.”

Wooyoung laughed loudly. “No! Of course I would want to.”

He could almost hear Yeosang smiling on the other line. “Good. My eardrums have almost healed without you around, and I think I prefer them ruptured.”

Wooyoung booed at his lame joke.

*

The decision took about five seconds and Wooyoung went ahead and told BigHit that he wouldn’t be returning…before he even auditioned with KQ. The way he saw it, even if for some reason he didn’t get into KQ, there still wouldn’t be any point in staying at BigHit. He wasn’t debuting anytime soon there (if ever), and for all the friends he made? Shit, that’s why cellphones were invented.

And, Yeosang really was right about the audition being just a formality. They invited him to train with the company as soon as he finished the last step of choreography. He could hardly fucking believe it.

While there, he didn’t get a chance to see Yeosang or any of the other trainees since he had skipped school to audition on a weekday. You know…some things are just more important in life. But he made sure to text Yeosang the good news. And what did Yeosang text back?

[YEOSANG: Good for you! Told you so.]

That little smug shit. He quickly tapped “Call” next to Yeosang’s contact name.

“You better be lucky I just happened to be on break from practicing,” Yeosang said as soon as he picked up the phone.

“You know, your phone etiquette needs to get better,” Wooyoung smirked as he leaned against the side of a building. He was too frazzled and excited to travel home just yet.

“Maybe you should stop calling me so much. You know I’m not a very good phone talker.”

He rolled his eyes. “Blah blah blah. I was calling to tell you thank you!”

“Oh!” his voice sounded surprised. “Well, you’re welcome. You deserved it.”

“Anddd, now that we’re in the same company I won’t have to call you as much. That should be exciting, right?”

“Hmmm, maybe that was the whole reason I got you the audition in the first place.”

“Ha ha,” Wooyoung deadpanned. “I know you got me the audition because you miss me.”

“Possibly,” Yeosang teased.

“And…maybe I only accepted the offer because I miss you too.”

Yeosang was silent on the other line for a few moments. “…Well, it’s good that everything worked out in our favor then, right?”

“Right,” he smiled widely. “Do you have to be getting back to practice now?”

“Yeah, probably. I’ll see you soon though, yeah?”

“Mhm, they told me I start on Saturday.”

And Wooyoung could hardly wait.

*

The trainees at KQ were different than the ones at BigHit. Yes, they were still all boys with bowl cuts. But, they were a lot more talkative, if that made sense? At BigHit, it was BigHit. It wasn’t a cold place or anything to be, but you were potentially going to be walking in BTS’s footsteps. You didn’t have time to talk. Which, for Wooyoung, was incredibly hard.

Instead, everything at KQ was more laid back. But not in a bad way. Not in a lazy, careless way. More in a chill, careful way? Kind-of like if you embodied Yeosang’s soul into a company. There – that was a good analogy.

He had first impressions for all of trainees so far:

Kim Hongjoong: Bossy. Also would probably be president someday. Or own his own record company.

Park Seonghwa: The hyung. While Hongjoong was busy being bossy, Seonghwa was the resident hyung of all the trainees. Very cool guy.

Jeong Yunho: So. Tall. Attractive too - if you could crane your neck up that far.

Kang Yeosang: BFF, duh. Oh, and handsome.

Song Mingi: Also. So. Tall. But also very sweet and shy and gentle. A gentle giant, if you will.

Choi Jongho: Not another hyung…so why did he look like a hyung? Also, very talented. The most talented person at KQ. Besides Wooyoung himself.

And then there was Choi San. Technically, his first impression of San was: shadow. Because, everywhere Seonghwa or Mingi went, San seemed to be right there on their trail.

When Wooyoung first got introduced to everyone, San gave a very low, out-of-place bow. At first he assumed that San was just a polite dongsaeng. The maknae of the trainees. But nope, Yeosang told Wooyoung how he was also a ’99-liner. So just weirdly polite, then. And even more shy than Mingi because San seemed to avoid eye contact like the plague.

But he supposed San was cute-ish, in an adorable, lonely kitty type of way. The dimples were pretty endearing. And San would probably do well once he learned how to be a bit more confident. And learned to shadow shorter people. If he shadowed shorter people, at least you’d still be able to see his head. Not that Wooyoung was volunteering to let San shadow him, though…

Wooyoung thought that the thing he was most excited about as a KQ trainee, besides potentially debuting and all the dance and vocal classes and all that other stuff, was making some new friends. He liked talking with people and goofing off and laughing and being happy. It gave him almost as much energy as dancing did. And luckily, there seemed to be a good group of trainees, and a lot of ’99-liners, waiting to be friends with Wooyoung.

Yes, he thought he would like it at KQ.

*

It was only a few months after he became a trainee that they moved all eight boys into an apartment i.e. The Dorm. He could feel the anticipation in his bones! He’d never been invited to live at the BigHit dorms. Getting moved into the dorm was a huge step towards debuting. He could practically smell it now!

And of course, the cologne that everything Yeosang owned seemed to be doused in. Because who else would Wooyoung have roomed with other than Yeosang?

“Why do you use so much cologne on everything? It’s not like you’re gonna bring a girl over here. All you’re doing in the meantime is making my eyes water,” Wooyoung whined as he dug into his duffle bag that was much too close to Yeosang’s cologne-riddled one.

Yeosang swiped his duffle bag up off the floor. “I feel like I always stink. It happens when you practice twenty-four/seven.”

“You can’t cover stink with stink! You gotta wash the clothes too, you know.”

Yeosang snorted with amusement, his eyes crinkling. “Maybe I should’ve roomed with Hongjoong-hyung like how we originally planned. And then you could be rooming with Seonghwa-hyung. Two clean freaks together in one room.”

Wooyoung scrunched up his nose. He wasn’t a clean freak. He didn’t clean the floor with lint rollers and nag others constantly like Seonghwa did. “How rude! We’ve only been rooming for a few hours and you’re already trying to bail on me. Never get married, Yeosang-ah.”

Yeosang scowled and tossed his duffle bag onto the bottom bunk of their bunkbed.

“Yah! What are you doing? That’s my bunk, I don’t want your cologne stink on my bunk!” Wooyoung screeched.

He looked back and forth between the bunk and Wooyoung. “Um, that bunk is obviously mine.”

“Says who?”

“Says the extra few centimeters I have on you,” Yeosang said proudly, his back straightened.

Wooyoung scrambled up on the floor. “One centimeter! Just one!” he held up his index finger. “If I wear an extra pair of socks we’ll be the same height!”

Yeosang laughed at his dramatics, but then eventually sobered. “We’re not going to argue over the bottom bunk, are we? Because if you really want it, you can have it.”

“No,” Wooyoung shook his head. “The bunk is yours. If it wasn’t for you…you know, I wouldn’t even be here. So…take it.”

“Really? You sure?”

“Yes! I only got irritated because you assumed it would be yours,” he chuckled. “You’re supposed to ask first!”

“Oh, okay okay.” Yeosang closed his eyes and gestured to his face, like he was an actor getting into a scene, before he bowed lowly to Wooyoung. “Wooyoung-nim, may I stake claim to this bottom bunk, please?”

Wooyoung smirked and crossed his arms in amusement. “See, if you talk to me like that going forward, we’ll never have to argue.”

Yeosang laughed and ruffled Wooyoung’s hair, before they went back to sorting through their new dorm room.

*

Sleeping on the top bunk didn’t last long for Wooyoung. It was the only thing he didn’t like about the dorm. He liked getting to hang out more with Yeosang, just like the old days (not like that was too particularly long ago, but still). He also liked not having to worry about catching buses and trains back home from after practice, because now that all the boys lived in the same place, the managers would drive them home at the end of the day. And he also liked being away from home – he felt so much older, like an adult, free to be loud and rough-house without interference from his mother.

But that damn fucking top bunk. When he climbed it at night, it rattled, loud. Yeosang never seemed to mind, but it really bothered Wooyoung. He didn’t like how bunk rattled, nor how it shook and swayed as Wooyoung adjusted while trying to fall asleep. The bunk felt unsturdy and and it made him feel like….

Whatever, he just didn’t like it.

Luckily, as the youngest son in his family for years and years (before the birth of his beloved Kyungmin, who he missed dearly) he learned how to whine and beg and get his way extremely effectively. It didn’t take much pouting or pleading with Manager Lee before he was caving and sliding in a small old mattress for Wooyoung.

“Are you happy now, Wooyoung-ah?” Manager Lee panted, stretching his arms above his head from the labor of carrying the mattress.

It gave Wooyoung the perfect opportunity to wrap his arms around Manager Lee and nuzzle his head into his chest. “Yes yes yes, thank you thank you thank you, Manager-nim.”

Manager Lee chuckled, rumbling his chest against Wooyoung’s ear. “You’re welcome, Young-ah.”

It was after Manager Lee left and Wooyoung was lounging on his new mattress that Yeosang walked in and let out a heavy sigh. “Woo, why didn’t you tell me you didn’t want to sleep on the top bunk anymore?”

Wooyoung sat up. “It’s fine, really! This way both of us can sleep near the ground and no one has to climb up there.”

Yeosang looked up at the top bunk and scrunched up his face in confusion. “Oh. Where’d you get that mattress then?” he asked.

Wooyoung giggled mischievously and patted the mattress. “Manager-nim.”

“Why didn’t you just take the mattress from the top bunk and put it on the ground?”

He could feel all the color drain out of his own face and he stared, slack jawed, up at the top bunk. “Oh. That probably would’ve made sense, wouldn’t it?”

“Manager-nim didn’t think of that either?”

Wooyoung shook his head. “No, he didn’t. And you better not say anything to him! This stays between us.”

Yeosang held his hands up in innocence. “I won’t say a word to him. But I will say this: you two are fools.”

“I may be a fool,” Wooyoung laid back onto his mattress, “But at least I get what I want.”

*

The shadow’s…er, he meant San’s birthday was a few days after the mattress fiasco. Wooyoung barely ever talked to the boy. San was honestly kind of boring. Wooyoung had come to know a lot of the boys better from being roommates with them, despite the short time that they had been in the dorm.

For instance, Hongjoong was even better of a producer than he had thought. If he ever returned to the dorm at night, that was. (Which was rare).

And then Seonghwa really liked to cook food for everyone, and Wooyoung sometimes helped him. (When he wasn’t feeling lazy.)

Yunho was the VIDEO GAME KING. He’d brought a bunch of video games with him and even though Wooyoung wasn’t totally huge on them, Yunho knew how to entertain the ’99-liners for sure. (When he wasn’t on the phone with his girlfriend, yuck.)

Yeosang was obviously a king in his own right. (And Wooyoung staked his claim as Yeosang’s BFF, warning everyone early on that Yeosang was his.)

Skipping over San…Mingi! Super hilarious. Shy at first, but whenever Mingi got comfortable and let loose? He had Wooyoung practically pissing his pants. Even his face was fucking funny. (Not in a mean way, Mingi was a handsome guy.)

And lastly, Jongho. Not a teddy bear, he soon learned. Very intelligent and classy as hell. If he ever needed advice on how to be a fancy legend, he’d consult Jongho. (10/10 vocals too, especially when coming from the other side of the bathroom door.)

Anyways, back to San…he was just there. He had his cute, but low-key creepy, hoard of stuffed animals. Shiber, or whatever the fuck its name was, was San’s favorite, he knew that much. San was super good at PC games and liked manga, but that was a bit basic, right?

Whenever all the ’99-liners bonded over video games, all the boys would whoop and holler, but San would just kind sit there and grin. With his tiny eyes and tiny body. Sometimes, if he really got wild, he’d make weird noises that sounded like ducks quacking. His duck quacks were the most interesting thing about him.

Also, not to worry, San stilled shadowed Seonghwa and Mingi. But now, Yunho was also another lucky member of the shadow-brigade. Why did San only like to shadow tall people? Maybe better to hide behind?

So yeah, with all that knowledge, Wooyoung got San for his birthday (drumroll, please) … a wonderful tiny duck plushie. Now, he wasn’t going to tell San the real reason as to why he chose the duck plushie. He wasn’t evil.

No, he plopped the small duck in front of San the morning of his birthday and said: “Happy Birthday, San-ah. I figured you’d like to add this to your collection.”

San’s tiny eyes grew wide, his hand stilling as he had been mid-bite of his toast. He made a small noise at the back of his throat, since his mouth was full.

Wooyoung shook the duck, making it do a little dance on the table. Yunho, Yeosang, and Seonghwa watched on from the side. “See, he’s so little and cute, like you,” Wooyoung cooed with the voice of what he would imagine a duck to sound like.

San chewed his bite of toast and put the rest of it down on his napkin, wiping his hands on his pants. Wooyoung was sure Seonghwa was looking on with a scowl on his face at that. “Oh, you got this for me?” San asked while reaching out for the duck.

He shoved the duck towards San, San clutching it in his hand. “Yeah,” Wooyoung said. “It reminded me of you.” Because San was ‘so little and cute’…not because he sounded like a duck or anything….

Was San little and cute? And not little and cute-ish. Little and cute. No -ish. Hmmm, Wooyoung supposed he was. Kinda how he imagined Kyungmin would look like whenever he was older. Not when he was the same age as San though. Probably the ripe old age of ten? San looked extremely young. The fake maknae of the group.

And, Wooyoung also supposed San wasn’t just little and cute because of his size. Because, when San smiled and looked down at the tiny duck, that was pretty little and cute too. Little and cute enough to make Wooyoung start feeling guilty about the method in which he chose that duck.

“Thank you, I love it,” San beamed.

Wooyoung was about to say ‘Don’t mention it’….but San turned towards everyone else and made that little duck noise and nuzzled the damn thing against his face.

“So cute!” Seonghwa pointed.

Wooyoung resisted the urge to laugh. Which for him, was extremely difficult.

*

He never realized that he and San had never been alone for more than a few minutes until a few days later. Normally, the longest he and San would ever be alone was if someone, like Yunho or Yeosang, needed a bathroom break or something. But those few minutes would be short enough that time could easily be passed by staring at the TV or their phones. It wasn’t that their time alone was awkward, per se, it was just…they weren’t at that point yet. They were still in the “we have mutual friends, but we aren’t friends” phase.

Wooyoung assumed, and hoped, really, that they would eventually move past that phase. But…San always made it extremely difficult. Based on the limited conversations they’d had, Wooyoung didn’t think they had a lot in common. It also didn’t help that San wasn’t really the type to strike up conversations out of the blue, at least, not with Wooyoung. Sure, Wooyoung was a master at talking and knew how to talk to pretty much everyone. But…San was just different and Wooyoung didn’t know why.

Well, whatever it was, Wooyoung decided to fight through it when San came into the kitchen one night while Wooyoung was making himself a bedtime snack. It was pretty late. What some might consider early, early morning. They’d come home from practice just a few hours before – Wooyoung was still freshly showered, having drawn the damn short straw and been stuck going last. 

He was stirring his ramen and blowing away the steam when San walked in and faltered in his step upon seeing Wooyoung standing at the counter.

“Oh, hi,” San said. His hair had already had time to completely dry; some strands in the back were sticking up.

Wooyoung gave a small wave. “Hey. You’re not in bed yet? We have to be up early again tomorrow.”

San shrugged. “I could ask the same about you.” He walked over to the water dispenser and started pouring himself some. “And I was thirsty.”

The room fell silent as Wooyoung continued stirring his ramen and San gulped down his water.

After San was finished and his cup was crumbled up in the trash: “Well, goodnight.”

Wooyoung glanced back up as San began to walk away. “Wait, do you want some of this?” Wooyoung asked, halting San. “I probably don’t need to eat all of this before bed – I just wanted a light snack.”

He shrugged his shoulders. “Um, sure, yeah.”

They both sat down at the table, the still-steaming ramen evenly divided into two bowls.

“Thank you,” San said, taking the chopsticks Wooyoung offered him.

Wooyoung slurped up a bite of ramen. It was still hot enough to make his tongue tingle. “I notice you came to the kitchen by yourself,” he gasped after swallowing the hot noodles.

San blinked at him in confusion, his shoulders hunched. “Huh?”

He gestured with the hand that held his chopsticks. “You know…no plushie.” If San wasn’t shadowing one of the taller trainees, he probably had one of his plushies in tow. More recently, the duck that Wooyoung had gotten for his birthday.

“Oh,” his face flushed and looked down at his ramen. “Well…they’re asleep right now. It’s past their bedtime.”

Okay, that was funny. San was sort-of funny. Wooyoung giggled and covered his mouth with his hand, while San sat up a bit straighter and gave a small smile. After Wooyoung’s giggles died off, he asked San: “Why don’t you talk more?” He was never one to avoid certain topics – always usually blurting out whatever he was thinking about. Which was: why did San always stay quiet around him, letting Wooyoung think he was boring, when he clearly wasn’t a total snooze-fest?

San swirled around his ramen with his chopsticks. “I dunno. I’m not like you. I get shy around people I don’t know very well.”

Wooyoung dramatically gasped. “Oh, am I stranger to you? After everything we’ve been through?”

He waved his hands to Wooyoung frantically. “Oh! No no, that’s not what I meant – ”

Wooyoung dropped the dramatics, instead giggling once again. “I’m joking! You’re too funny, Sannie.”

“Oh.” San’s eyes were wide and unblinking.  

“I know we’re not like best friends or anything,” Wooyoung continued. “But I think you owe me some entertaining conversation after I got that duck for you.”

He chuckled low, “Oh, yes, that was a very nice duckie. Thank you again for that. I don’t know that I’m very good at entertaining conversations, though.”

“Sure, you are! You’ve already made me laugh twice.”

“Okay, well one of those times I think you were laughing at me.”

“Is there a difference?”

San looked back down at his ramen. “I think so.”

Suddenly, Wooyoung felt even more guilty about everything he’d ever secretly thought about San. He and San were just…different. There was nothing wrong about that. San was a nice kid. He’d never done anything to Wooyoung to make him thing otherwise. Maybe Wooyoung needed to start being a bit nicer and more compassionate and take San underneath his wing. “You know, I don’t think I ever congratulated you the other night on beating Yunho at FIFA 16. He’s beat my ass so many times at that game, it was about time somebody showed him what it felt like.”

That brought a big smile to San’s face. Wooyoung felt reassured that he had said the right thing. “Thanks! We were tied for so long during that match that I honestly thought that I wasn’t gonna win.”

Wooyoung swallowed another bite of his ramen. While he and San talked, it had cooled off to just slightly warm. “You need to be more confident in your skills! There’s a reason why he’s afraid to face off against you in Rocket League. Yunho may have us whipped on PlayStation, but you got his ass when it comes to PC.”

“Well, I was actually thinking of a new strategy for beating Yunho at Overwatch. Do you wanna hear?” San asked.

He smacked his hand loudly on the table. “Hell, yeah I do! I wanna make him cry.”

*

Their Overwatch plan did not succeed. Yunho still beat all of their asses and sent all the ’99-liners howling in frustration. But, Wooyoung didn’t mind too much about losing. His favorite part about video games wasn’t winning – it was getting to spend time with his friends.

And San was his new friend.

He knew he should savor practicing and learning and preparing to debut as an idol. And he did enjoy those things, yes. But…he couldn’t help while he was in a practice room or a vocal booth to look forward to later, when he would be back at the dorm with the other trainees. Wooyoung had never had that experience of what it was like to live with friends. And now he did, and it was so much fun. Instead of having to coordinate meeting up with someone or having to resort to texting or video-calling, all he had to do was roll out of bed or walk outside his bedroom door and there was a friend right there, just waiting to hang out with him.

And the boys didn’t just play video games all the time. Sometimes they had movie night if practice didn’t run too late or completely tire them out. Occasionally even a manager would join, and Wooyoung would lounge in their lap and tease them like he would his dad or older brother.

That night though, they broke out one of Wooyoung’s most prized possessions: his Harry Potter DVDs. He’d brought the eight-movie set with him (of course, along with his seven-book set as well) – not willing to leave it behind to be not-so-carefully guarded by Kyungmin. Sure, he’d seen them about a hundred times each, but it was his comfort item. Something almost as necessary to have in his life as his friends.

Not all the boys joined in on the fun of the wizarding world that night, nor did any of the managers, which was more than fine. The couch could fit only so many people on it. Yunho and Mingi were hunkered in Mingi and Jongho’s room, Jongho was somewhere off with a manager, Hongjoong was at the studio like always, and San was in his room on the phone with his grandparents. That left himself, Seonghwa, and Yeosang. Perfect!

“So if we watch Harry Potter tonight, can we watch Star Wars the next time?” Seonghwa asked as Wooyoung put in the DVD. Yeosang was busy popping the popcorn in the microwave, making the whole dorm smell like hot, melted butter.

Wooyoung turned up his nose while he grabbed the remote. “Hyung, you have seen those movies like a hundred times.” He plopped down on the couch next to Seonghwa, sitting close so he could rest his head on Seonghwa’s lap whenever he started feeling tired.

Seonghwa guffawed: “And you haven’t seen this Harry Potter movie a hundred times? Don’t be a hypocrite! It’s only fair!”

“Yah!” Wooyoung called out to Yeosang.

“What?” he called back.

Wooyoung looked at Seonghwa and smirked, but still called out to Yeosang. “Would you rather watch a boring Star Wars movie next time, or re-watch the amazing, spectacular, fantastic Harry Potter & The Goblet of Fire?”

Yeosang emerged from the kitchen, already munching from the popcorn bowl. “Harry Potter,” he mumbled with his mouth full.

“I rest my case!” Wooyoung waved his hand in the air and settled back against the couch, satisfied with himself. Long ago, when he and Yeosang first became friends, he’d made it a requirement that Yeosang watch every single Harry Potter movie. Which he did, but Wooyoung was still working on getting Yeosang to read them all as well, to no avail.

“You know, I’m the hyung here, and yet I seem to be controlled by all of my dongsaengs,” Seonghwa frowned.

Wooyoung snatched a big handful of popcorn from the popcorn bowl as Yeosang sat down on the other side of him. “Yep!” Wooyoung giggled. “But you know you love me, Hyung.”

Seonghwa didn’t reply, probably because he couldn’t refute Wooyoung. Wooyoung knew that he had a particularly bratty charm about him that made him irresistible to his hyungs.

Lupin was just saving the trio from the dementors on the train when one of the bedroom doors squeaked open and San padded into the living room.

Wooyoung jolted up from where he had been lounging across Seonghwa and Yeosang’s bodies and hurried to pause the movie, making them both groan.

“Don’t pause it! This movie is already long enough!” Seonghwa gestured toward the screen.

He ignored Seonghwa. “San-ah! Come sit down! Watch with us! Yeo, make room for Sannie.”

Yeosang placed the empty popcorn bowl on the ground and scooted over. “He won’t know what’s going on. He’s never seen these movies,” Yeosang said to Wooyoung.  

San slowly walked over to the couch, looking at the frozen image of Lupin on screen. “What movie is this?” he asked.

“Harry Potter & The Prisoner of Askaban, now sit!” Wooyoung patted the space between himself and Yeosang.

“Oh, no, I’ve never seen this before,” he said as he gently sat down. Wooyoung noticed that San smelled nice, like he had just washed his clothes.  

“It’s okay, I’ll catch you up!” Wooyoung said cheerily, causing more groans from Seonghwa and Yeosang. They could groan all they wanted – it was Wooyoung’s mission in the world to spread as much Harry Potter propaganda as possible.

“Woo, please don’t talk through the whole movie. He can look it up online,” Yeosang said.

“No, I’ll whisper,” Wooyoung replied. “You won’t even hear me.”

Seonghwa laughed. “You? Whisper?”

Wooyoung placed a finger on his lips and loudly shushed him. “Shhh! Some people are trying to watch the movie, Hyung!” he fiercely whispered before clicking play on the remote.

He was always true to his word. As soon as Harry popped up on the screen, he leaned in towards San, putting his mouth almost right up against his ear and covering his mouth to the side with his palm. “That’s Harry!” he whispered.

San giggled loudly and shook his shoulder, nudging Wooyoung away. “Ah! That tickles.”

“Will you quit it! You’re gonna get me in trouble!” Wooyoung whispered to him.

“I can hear every word you’re saying, you know,” Seonghwa announced.

Again, Wooyoung put his finger up to his lips. “Shhh! Hyung, we are trying to watch the movie!”

Seonghwa gave him a dirty look, but turned his attention down to his phone, probably having given up on watching the movie uninterrupted by Wooyoung.

“It’s okay,” San whispered back to Wooyoung. “You don’t have to explain everything to me. I’ll watch it anyways.”

Wooyoung couldn’t let that stand! As a Harry Potter virgin, San might get turned off by watching the series out of order and being confused the entire time. He shook his head and put his mouth back by San’s ear. “No, I’ll just explain the important stuff,” he tried his best to quietly whisper.

San leaned back and gave a thumbs up. “Okay!” he mouthed.

“By the way,” Wooyoung whispered back in San’s ear. “Did you just wash your shirt?”

He nodded. “Yesterday,” he mouthed.

Obviously, he washed it with the same laundry detergent they all used. Since you know, they all used the same washer and really, everything else. Wooyoung’s shirt probably smelled just like that. And Yeosang’s too, as well. Whatever. Maybe the laundry detergent mixed nicely with San’s deodorant or something. “Nice,” was all Wooyoung seemed to have to whisper back about that.

For the rest of the movie, Seonghwa and Yeosang played games on their phones while Wooyoung whispered Harry Potter storylines and facts into San’s ear. He probably could’ve stopped whispering in San’s ear, with the other two boys no longer even paying attention to the movie, but he honestly thought it was a bit fun. Since San sat up so straight, watching and listening so intently, Wooyoung liked having someone there as an open ear to listen to him.

There were a few moments where he doubted that San was still listening, because really, who could pay attention for that long, but then San would turn and whisper a question or comment, proving he really was still paying attention. That San really was that attentive.  

Maybe Wooyoung started to prefer watching movies with San over any of the other ’99-liners.

Or maybe he just really liked the attention.

*

The next movie night they had they did not take up Seonghwa’s request for a Star Wars movie. Instead, Wooyoung’s task was to catch San up on all things Harry Potter, so they went back to the beginning with The Sorcerer’s Stone. Sure, it irritated Seonghwa, but Seonghwa was always mildly irritated with him, so what was new?

They caught San up to The Goblet of Fire before they stopped having time for movie nights.

It was announced that all eight KQ trainees would be auditioning for a new survival show on JTBC – one where the winners would debut with a new group under YG.

The announcement was…stressful. At least, it was for Wooyoung. And based on the faces of the other boys: probably them too.

Wooyoung was comfortable with the idea of debuting with the seven boys he lived with. With Yeosang. With his friends. And of course, Wooyoung was not completely averse to making new friends, and definitely wasn’t opposed to debuting in a group under YG, but…he couldn’t imagine what it would be like if he actually won. It would sort-of feel like, abandoning his friends?

Naturally, the boys couldn’t refuse to participate. They were KQ trainees. They did what they were told. And while it was nerve-wracking, the opportunity to be on the show would help not only the boys in getting their faces out there to the general public, but also the company in getting its name out there too. Wooyoung wasn’t naive. He knew all this.

But still…

“What happens if one of us makes it? And debuts with a different group?” Wooyoung said to Yeosang that night as they were lying in their beds. Because of the news, the boys had to stay extra-long at the company that day and practice, so Wooyoung’s legs felt like they were about to fall right off and crawl away.

“Then the rest of us will support that person and cheer them on.”

Yeosang made it sound so simple and easy. Wooyoung doubted it would be like that. “But the others might get jealous.”

With the lights in the room off, Wooyoung couldn’t see Yeosang’s facial reactions. “Would you get jealous if I made it to the winning group?”

“Well, no, obviously not.” Yeosang was his friend. He’d always want the best for him. That much was simple and easy.

“So why would you think anyone else would get jealous? Or not support you or whoever else might get it?”

Wooyoung fiddled with the seam of his pillowcase. “I don’t know,” he mumbled. “I just…I wouldn’t want to leave the dorm. And I wouldn’t want to go off with strangers.”

“Woo, they wouldn’t be strangers. If you pass the audition, which I’m sure you will by the way, you’ll get to know them through the competition. And let’s just say you did debut, okay? Those survival show groups never last more than a few comebacks. And then you’ll probably either come back with us, or just go solo. It’ll work out.”

Going solo? Wooyoung was just trying to debut with his friends. Not go solo and be all alone. This was horrible. This was not at all what he wanted. “But I don’t want to go solo. I don’t…I don’t even know if I want to pass the audition, period.”

“Well, you will, so bank on that.”

Maybe he would purposefully botch the audition, if it meant sticking with Yeosang and the rest of his friends. Yes, maybe he would do that.

*

Another long practice. Another night of Wooyoung’s numb, jelly-like legs wobbling around as they all packed up their stuff to head back to the dorm. Well, everyone except crazy Hongjoong, who was going to go to the studio. Hongjoong must have been a vampire. There was no other explanation for how the boy operated on about negative five hours of sleep every day.

Wooyoung noticed that San was still speaking to the dance instructor, his head nodding furiously at everything the instructor said, but his eyes turned down to the floor.

San was…to put it politely…not the strongest dancer. He was just so…stiff? Kind-of like how he would imagine the Tin Man from The Wizard of Oz to dance if he hadn’t oiled his joints in years. Hongjoong and Jongho weren’t natural dancers either, but they still managed to pick things up pretty quickly and look a little less awkward doing it. Unlike San. It would appear the boy’s gifts were in other talents, like singing and collecting plushies.

Sometimes Yunho, the dance master of the trainees, would spend a little extra time with San, practicing over the moves. It helped a little…but San still needed some oil for his stiff joints. Not that Wooyoung judged San or anything! Especially since vocal lessons were Wooyoung’s least favorite part of the day…

He supposed not everyone could be good at everything, unless your name was Jeong Yunho, but whatever, he was sculpted by the gods or something.

The manager was starting to usher the boys out of the practice room and down to the waiting cars. Wooyoung saw San’s bag on the floor and picked it up, deciding to wait for him to walk down together. Yeosang and Manager Lee lingered by the door as everyone else exited.

The conversation between San and the dance instructor wrapped up, and Wooyoung and Yeosang bowed to the dance instructor as he bid them all goodbye and left.

“Here you go, Sannie,” Wooyoung extended San’s bag out to him.

San looked at it, his lips tight and thin, and then looked over to Manager Lee. “Manager-nim? Is it alright if I stay and practice a bit?”

Wooyoung let the arm holding the bag fall to his side. What? Why would San want to stay? Wasn’t he tired? Weren’t his legs also jelly-like? Well…on second thought, that might have been a bit too loose for the stiff San.

“Sure, San-ah,” Manager Lee answered. “I’ll come back and get you when I pick up Hongjoong. Just text me when you’re ready?”

San nodded. “Yes, thank you.” He then took the bag from Wooyoung and put it on the floor – a clear indicator he was in fact staying. For some crazy reason.

Wooyoung looked back and forth between San and Manager Lee, his mouth agape.

“Okay, let’s go,” Manager Lee said to Yeosang and Wooyoung, ushering them to follow him out.

And then an even crazier thing happened. Wooyoung opened his big fat mouth and said: “I will stay behind with San too.”

WHAT. WHY. NO. WHAT?! His poor legs…his drooping eyes…his tired body…WHAT?!

But he knew exactly why he fucking said it. It was San’s damn face. His little, poor, tiny, hurt kitten face. And Wooyoung wouldn’t want to stay behind in the practice room alone, so he knew San probably didn’t want to be alone either. And sure enough, his eyes widened and lips loosened in surprise. “Oh, Wooyoung-ah, you don’t have to,” San said softly.

Wooyoung shrugged, playing it off cool. “Nah, it’s fine. I needed to practice a few moves anyways.”

“Do you want me to stay too?” Yeosang asked Wooyoung.

The huge bags under Yeosang’s eyes pleaded ‘please say no, please say no.’ Wooyoung shook his head. “No, it’s all good. You go on ahead. I’ll see you back at the dorm.”

Manager Lee nodded. “Alright, sounds good, everyone. Just text me when you two are done. Yeosang-ah, let’s go.”

Too soon enough, Yeosang was waving bye and the door was shutting, leaving Wooyoung and San behind. In the damn practice room. With Wooyoung fantasizing about a warm shower and his soft bed. And no rest or relaxation in sight.

“Aren’t you tired?” San asked, his voice still all small and soft.

Wooyoung set his bag down on the ground and sighed, back hunching over achingly. “Aren’t you?” he sighed. “Why didn’t you want to go home and get some rest?”

San looked down at the ground between them. “Why do you think?”

Well, the answer was obvious. But, no huge improvement in San’s dancing was gonna be made in the few extra hours they were spending in the practice room. When, you know, they could be in BED! “What did Instructor-nim say?” Wooyoung asked.

He huffed, frustrated. “He said that I’m improving, but I still need to loosen up. And he was nice about it. He tried to be encouraging. But he made it clear. I still suck.”

Wooyoung winced at San’s word choice. “Okay, you don’t suck. Alright? You try your best. That’s all we could ask for you. Would you say that I suck at singing?”

“That’s different,” San shook his head. “You don’t suck at singing. I do suck at dancing.”

“Well, thanks for the compliment, but you’re wrong. You don’t suck. If you were really a lost cause, do you think you’d even be here? Obviously not. They have faith in you.”

“Do you have faith in me?” San asked.

Wooyoung raised his eyebrows and the abrupt question. “Hm? Do I?”

He nodded.

Did Wooyoung? He had faith in all of his friends. San was his friend. When you were friends with someone, you were supposed to support them no matter what. And there he was, staying late in the practice room to support San, no matter what. “Yeah, I have faith in you. I know one day, all this dancing stuff is gonna suddenly click for you, and you’re gonna be badass.”

San laughed breathily. “Badass? I don’t know if I can ever see myself being badass.”

“Well, just wait. One day you’ll be badass and I’ll be saying: ‘See? I told you so!’” Wooyoung smiled.

San just shook his head with a small smirk before looking over to the large mirrors. “I was just going to practice the dance we were learning today, if you want to give me some pointers, maybe?”

“Hmmm,” he started, thinking. Would doing the same dance routine over and over again actually help San? Sure, he would eventually get it down through repetition, but would he actually learn anything? Would his body adapt better to dancing? Probably not. “I think it would be better if we did something else, actually.”

“Oh really?” San quirked an eyebrow. “Like what?”

Wooyoung hooked his phone up to the speaker and started playing a sexy, American song that he liked. It was slower in beat to what they had been practicing with the instructor earlier.

San stood in front of the mirrors awkwardly as Wooyoung walked back over to him. “Okay, so what are we gonna do?” he asked Wooyoung.

“Well, ideally I’d like to loosen you up,” Wooyoung replied.

He snorted and rolled his eyes. “Yeah, good luck with that. Yunho has tried to help me before too. I’m a lost cause.”

“Don’t say stuff like that!” he poked San harshly in the arm. “You’re not a lost cause. Your body just isn’t used to moving the way it needs to. Think of it like this: you have muscles that you aren’t used to manipulating. Like okay, watch this.”

The chorus of the song started and Wooyoung let his body move like how he’d imagine waves in the ocean. First his hand, then rolling up his arm, to his shoulder, round his neck, then down his back to his legs. He always thought a good trick to making your body look like it was moving smoother was to avoid picking up your feet – instead his shoes slid around on the floor.

Instead of looking at San while he danced, he looked down at the ground, trying to focus on his movements rather than San’s reactions. Once he slowed to a stop though, he looked back at San to find him staring at him, his face in awe. “You make it look easy, Wooyoung-ah.”

“I mean, maybe, but I’ve been dancing longer than you. So it’s not really fair,” he shrugged, though the compliment made him feel warm on the inside. He continued on: “Okay, so I want you to try this: pretend that you’re a puppet hanging on strings, but your puppet master is taking a smoke break.”

A loud burst of laughter came from San. “What? What does that even mean?”

“Like this!” he exclaimed before letting his head and arms go limp, his back lean forward, and his knees come together to touch, heels pointed outward.

“That’s silly,” San giggled.

Wooyoung straightened up and furrowed his eyebrows. “Just try it!” he scolded him.

San sobered and quickly tried to copy what Wooyoung had done. His legs looked about right, but his back and head weren’t lifeless enough. Wooyoung went behind San and placed a gentle hand on San’s back. He felt San stiffen even more underneath his hand. “You can bend over more,” Wooyoung advised. “A puppet wouldn’t be afraid of falling.”

“If my puppet master is on a smoke break, wouldn’t I be on the floor? Wouldn’t I fall?” San asked.

Wooyoung started pushing San’s back further over. “He was nice and tied your strings down so you wouldn’t fall.”

With San’s back now so far over, his head kept trying to pop up. Wooyoung walked around in front of him and shoved his head down too. “Perfect!” Wooyoung announced.

“I feel dumb, can I move now?” San asked, muffled from how his face was so close to his chest.

“No! You have to wait for your puppet master! And oh, look at that,” Wooyoung acted out, pointing to the door of the studio even though San couldn’t see him. “Looks like he just came back from smoking his cigarette. Can’t you smell? Rude man didn’t even bother to spray cologne.”

San sighed loudly. “Oh my god,” he complained.

“Shush! He’s back now, so he’s gonna take control of the strings. So, you’re gonna slowly wake up.”

“Wouldn’t I just jerk up?” San brought his face up to look at Wooyoung. Wooyoung shoved it back down.

“No! We’re in slow motion. To the beat of the music.” The music had since changed to a chill R&B song with a faint tapping beat. Slow enough to work in this scenario Wooyoung had come up with. He moved behind San again, resting a hand on San’s shoulder so he could guide him back up. “Don’t just snap back up. Go slow. Like you’re falling down but in reverse.”

Slowly, San adjusted everything at once. To each hit of the music – a new position. So if you took a bunch of snapshots, no still image would be blurry. Even if Wooyoung had ever thought San was a lost cause (which he hadn’t), it was clear to Wooyoung that San had potential by the way he was hitting his movements. He most definitely didn’t suck.

By the end of his movements, Wooyoung’s hand was still on San’s shoulder as San stood facing straight ahead. “So what was the point of this?” San looked at Wooyoung’s eyes through the mirror.

“To show you what it’s like to relax your body enough that you don’t fall, but just enough that you’re smooth,” Wooyoung said simply.

San turned his head so he could more physically look Wooyoung in the eyes. “Thank you, Woo. I…I think that actually might have helped a bit.”  

Wooyoung’s eyes darted away. He smiled and squeezed San’s shoulder before letting his hand fall away. “What are friends for?” he asked.

San smiled. “So…what do you want to do now?”

Not a lot of time had passed since everyone had left, as double-checked by a glance down at his watch. It was much too soon to text their manager they were already done. “Now? We rest,” Wooyoung replied. There was no use in tiring themselves out even more by doing more dancing. And he felt like he did enough with San that San could use to build on in the future. Learning was a process not an event.

Wooyoung walked over to where their bags and water were, letting the music continue to play through the speakers, and like a puppet whose strings had been cut, he let himself collapse onto the ground with a contented, rested sigh.

With his eyes closed, he heard San walk over near him before lying down, though doing it a bit more gently than Wooyoung had.

“I’ll text Manager-nim that we’re done in a bit,” Wooyoung said. “I’d feel bad making him drive back and forth like that. And I know there’s no way Hongjoong-hyung is done in the studio.”

San giggled. “You’re right about that. So…naptime?”

That word sounded beautiful in Wooyoung’s mind. “Yeah, naptime.”

Wooyoung managed to drift off for a good while. Which was a miracle on that hard floor. Just a testament to how dead ass tired he was. The problem was: he woke up with his stomach growling loudly. And he didn’t have any food in his bag. He normally relied on the more responsible Seonghwa to pack snacks that he could steal.   

He sat up from the floor and looked over at San, whose eyes were closed and appeared asleep. Maybe San had some snacks hidden away in his backpack. It was worth a peek. Wooyoung tried his best to quietly grab San’s backpack and unzip it without causing him to stir awake, but as soon as the zipper barely went zzzhrip! San’s eyes flashed open.

“Do you have any snacks in here?” Wooyoung asked before San could get any words out of his mouth.

San slowly sat up from the floor, a bit dazed, before he shook his head. “No, I don’t think so.”

He frowned and moved to zip it back closed, when he caught a peek of book pages through the small opening his unzipping had created. At first, he assumed it was probably a manga – San’s usual reading preference. But the more he stared at the yellow-ish pages, he started to get a feeling it wasn’t manga. “What book are you reading?”

San’s eyes quickly grew a few sizes. “Oh, it’s nothing – ”

Zzzhrip! Wooyoung opened the rest of the backpack to unveil none other than Wooyoung’s own copy of the Harry Potter & the Sorcerer’s Stone book. He’d recognize the worn cover of his book anywhere. The copy he’d dropped down bus steps and left at numerous ramen shops.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to steal it from you or anything,” San scrambled up off the floor, talking hurriedly. “I asked Yeosang if he knew where I could find a copy of the book, and he said that you had a copy, and I told him never mind, and he said ‘no, it’s okay, Wooyoung won’t mind - ’”

“No, you’re fine,” he cut San off. “I didn’t even know it was gone.” And he really hadn’t. He’d had the books stacked up in the corner of him and Yeosang’s room, with a bunch of their other junk, due to a lack of bookshelves, or really any sort-of storage.  

“Well, I didn’t want you to know it was gone…I wanted to surprise you,” San said.

“Surprise me?”

He waved his hands animatedly as he spoke: “Yeah, I know how much you like Harry Potter…so I thought I should read the books too. Since we’re watching all the movies anyways.”

Wooyoung was caught off guard for a moment. “Oh…Sannie…you don’t have to do that. A lot of my friends haven’t read the books. It’s honestly fine.”

“But you like the books,” San replied. 

“I do…but we barely have much free time as it is. You really want to spend it reading something you don’t want to read?”

“I never said I didn’t want to read it…I want to read it because you like it.”

“Oh.” Wooyoung had lots of friends. Of all shapes and sizes. Of all different personalities and interests. Some liked Harry Potter like he did, and some didn’t, and that was fine. But…he didn’t think he’d ever had a friend who wanted to do what San was doing. Who wanted to like what Wooyoung liked. “Well…are you liking the book so far?” he asked.

San grinned. “Yeah, I am. You have good taste.”

For a split moment, Wooyoung wondered if San was genuinely enjoying the book, or if he was just saying he was because Wooyoung liked it. He looked down at the book in his hands. “What part are you at? Maybe we can read some of it together before we tell Manager-nim to come and get us?”

“Um, sure!” he nodded. “Yeah, I’d like that. I think I’m at Chapter Seven.”

They sat down on the floor with their legs crossed, and Wooyoung opened the book up to Chapter Seven. “Oh! This is a good chapter!” Wooyoung said.

“Are you gonna do the voices?” San asked him.

Wooyoung turned his head to look at San, noticing how soft his face looked. How sweet and kind he looked. Maybe Wooyoung was happy that he had stayed with San. “Of course! How could I not?”

He did the voices for San – made Dumbledore sound old, the Sorting Hat sound grouchy, Harry sound scared and nervous. And as San giggled each time Wooyoung’s impression of the character was particularly on-the-nose, Wooyoung thought about how San had wanted to the read the book just because Wooyoung liked it, and how San had wanted to stay behind all alone for extra practice just because he wanted to get better. And there Wooyoung was. Not reading any of San’s favorite manga books and even seriously contemplating purposefully botching the survival show audition.  

He was taking his friendship with San and his own talent for granted.

San worked his ass off in everything he did.

And what did Wooyoung do?

*

They all practiced day and night for the upcoming survival show auditions. Wooyoung realized if he purposefully botched the survival show audition, he’d not only be letting his own potential down, but also the team’s. His friends. The friends that would want him to do well, just as he wanted them to do well in return.

Some of the more experienced dancers, Seonghwa, Yunho, Mingi, Yeosang, and Wooyoung, all took extra time to help San. And San was improving! Much less stiff, much less awkward. He still had a lot of work ahead of him, but strangely enough, Wooyoung wasn’t worried about San. Somehow he knew San’s hard work would pay off in the end, even if he ended up taking longer than everyone else.

When the auditions finally came around, Wooyoung thought they had all done well. The other seven boys were his friends – his friends always do well. There was no doubt in Wooyoung’s mind that the judges and producers would be forced to take them all to the show.

But, of course, things didn’t pan out perfectly. Wooyoung wasn’t judging this thing, unfortunately. Instead of all seven of his friends making it, only three of them did…plus Wooyoung. Wooyoung didn’t miss the irony of how he made it past the audition when he hadn’t even originally wanted to in the first place.

Also, Yeosang didn’t make it and that was wack as fuck.

“Like, I don’t even understand the criteria! I make it but Yunho doesn’t? You don’t?!” Wooyoung shook his head incredulously, pacing around the bathroom at the company. They’d just heard the news and Yeosang quickly made a move to pull Wooyoung into somewhere more private so Wooyoung could explode out of earshot from everyone else.

How did Wooyoung make it through off his dancing when there was Yunho? THE dance master Yunho? And Yeosang, who was quicker on his feet than Wooyoung? Not that he didn’t think Hongjoong, Mingi, and Jongho didn’t deserve to pass the audition. They totally deserved it. But Wooyoung? Really? Let’s just say there was some dumb rule where they could only take four of the boys. Why not trade Wooyoung for someone else? Someone else who was working harder than him?

“Shhh, don’t be so loud, Woo,” Yeosang shushed him gently.

Wooyoung huffed and crossed his arms. “Well, I’m sorry, but it’s dumb.” Wooyoung knew he had talent. Otherwise, he wouldn’t be where he was. But he also knew there were more talented people other than him. People who probably wanted it more. So why waste it on him?

“I know what you’re thinking. And you deserved to pass that audition,” Yeosang said.

“Okay, you’re my friend, you have to say that.”

“You were a BigHit trainee! Of course you deserved to pass.”

“So then why didn’t you pass, hm?”

Yeosang shrugged. “Not everything is meant to be.”

“You’re not upset?”

“Of course I’m upset – I worked really hard and I didn’t make it,” he said. “But, you know, next time I’ll learn from my mistakes and work harder. And…I can’t really be too upset because you made it. I told you you’d make it, didn’t I?”

“But I didn’t want to make it through, Sang-ah! I don’t want to leave everyone and go there. Especially if you won’t be there.”

“Yah, you can’t talk like that, okay? You know why?” Yeosang’s voice grew sterner and more serious. “You have a duty now, to make us all proud. To do well to represent us.”

Wooyoung looked down, a bit guiltily. He knew that Yeosang was telling him what he needed to hear.

“And you’ll still be living with us,” Yeosang continued, now more gentle. “You’ll just be away during the day, that’s all.”

“Yeah, I know…” he sighed.

“So you can’t look so glum. How do you think it makes the other boys feel who didn’t make it, you know?”

Wooyoung winced. “Yeah, you’re right…”

“And don’t worry about us,” Yeosang grinned, “we’ll make sure we show those judges what they missed out on.”

The only problem with that? Wooyoung wanted to be able to show that with them as a team. Of all eight boys. Not four boys in the competition and four boys back at the company. But, those were the cards they seemed to have been dealt. It was like BigHit all over again – something not turning out how he wanted it to. And he made it past the BigHit hurdle, with the help of Yeosang. Maybe Wooyoung would make it past the survival show hurdle too, since he still had Yeosang by his side.

When Yeosang held out his hand for a high-five, Wooyoung made sure to reciprocate before pulling him into a tight hug.

*

“Hiii,” Wooyoung heard San say while he was playing a game on his phone later that night. He was sitting on the edge of his bed, Yeosang absent from their room – taking a shower. 

Wooyoung looked up from his phone and noticed quickly that San had The Sorcerer’s Stone copy in his hand as he stood in the doorway. “Oh, did you finish?” he asked, closing out the game and tossing his phone to the side.

San walked further into the room, fiddling with the book. “Yeah, I did! It was really good, I was hoping I could borrow the second one?”

He smiled and jumped up from his bed. “Yeah, sure!” He walked over to the corner where the rest of the books sat, still on the floor, and grabbed The Chamber of Secrets. “I’m glad you liked it,” he said as they traded books.

“They just keep getting better from here, right?” San asked.

“Oh, definitely! You won’t be able to put them down.”

San nodded with a tiny grin. “Good.”

A long silence fell over them. Wooyoung didn’t know what San was thinking about, but Wooyoung started thinking about everything that had happened earlier that day. About the long conversation he’d had with Yeosang with the bathroom. About how lucky he was to be where he was. “Sannie, I’m sorry you didn’t pass the audition. I know how hard you worked.”

“Oh, pffft,” he waved his hand in dismissal. “It’s okay. I know I’m not ready for something like that.”

Wooyoung frowned. “No, of course you are - those judges didn’t know what they were talking about.”

San smiled, like he didn’t believe Wooyoung. “Well, obviously they did because you made it through. And I know you’ll do great.”

As Wooyoung was getting to know San more and more, he easily recognized that as a typical San response. Spinning a conversation away from himself to talk about someone else. And that wasn’t fair. While Wooyoung had all these people to build him up, like Yeosang and San, who did San have? It was Wooyoung’s job to be San’s something, right? “Wait, that’s - ” Wooyoung started, but didn’t get a chance to finish because Mingi was peeking his head in the room, interrupting him.

“Yah! Is Yeosang out of the shower yet? Me and Yunho wanna play games with everybody before it gets too late,” Mingi said. Like it already wasn’t almost midnight or anything.

And then, as on cue, came Yunho right behind him. “Eh, Yeosang can catch up with us later. It’s not our fault he drew the short straw and had to shower last,” Yunho chuckled mischievously.

“Yeah! I wanna play!” San said. “Let me just put this book up.” He then looked back at Wooyoung. “Hey Wooyoungie, thanks again for the book.”

“Yeah, no problem,” Wooyoung mumbled as San left the room. He knew he had more to say to San about everything. About San being worthy of just as much as anyone else. And about San needing to turn his kindness inward towards himself. And also about San deserving good things to happen to him, and so much more on top of that…

Wooyoung just had a lot to say to San, even more than his usual talkative self had to say to other people. But, he supposed the moment had passed.

“So,” he said to Yunho and Mingi a bit half-heartedly, “what are we playing?”

*

Why was Yeosang always right about everything? He was right about BigHit, KQ, and now also about Mix Nine, as the survival show was ultimately called. The only thing different that changed was Wooyoung, Hongjoong, Mingi, and Jongho were out filming the show during the day, while the other four boys were back at the company, mostly doing solo lessons. But, Wooyoung got to come back to the dorm at night and share his stories with everyone about what the show was like. As always, he was Wooyoung after all, so he very quickly made friendly acquaintances with some of the other boys on the show.

Wooyoung had to film the show on his birthday, which he supposed was whatever. He’d had to go to school, work, and practice before on his birthday. Nothing inherently wrong with that. Was he bummed that he had to spend the whole day away from Yeosang and the rest of the boys? Sure, yeah. But everyone had their presents and food waiting for him when he got back home that night. Seonghwa put in The Goblet of Fire, the managers bought them all juicy steak, and even though all the boys were broke as fuck, they still managed to get Wooyoung nice things.

Wooyoung never got too pressed about presents. Sure, he liked the thought and everything, but it was never about how expensive or extravagant they were. He’d take a thoughtful jar of lotion from the pharmacy down the block over some fancy gold watch any day.

Well…a fancy watch would be awful nice…

But really, truly, not at the burden of his friends. A present for Wooyoung wasn’t worth going even more broke over. So that’s what he got. Thoughtful lotion, new slippers, corded headphones. A San with dodgy eyes apologized profusely before handing Wooyoung an envelope with his name on it.

“Sorry, I don’t have much money, I tried to do my best to find you something I thought you’d maybe like? I hope?” San said.

“Oh, I’m sure it’s fine,” Wooyoung replied politely.

What would fit in an envelope? Wooyoung had no idea. A handmade card maybe? Yeah, that was something San would totally do.

He opened the envelope to find packets of Marvel stickers. The nice, textured, puffy kind. The kind you could squish with your finger and feel how soft it was. The kind every young kid always saw in the store and begged their mom for, only to be told no. Like his brother Kyungmin.

He liked Marvel a lot, and it was something the ’99 liners would discuss at length. Sure, superheroes weren’t as cool as wizards, but yeah, the movies were entertaining. He liked Iron Man. And now, he had Iron Man stickers, along with all the other Avengers. Did he have anything to put these stickers on? No. Did he particularly even like stickers? Not really.

But, he could still feel the beaming smile grow across his face as he squished the Iron Man sticker, and then the Captain America one, and then the Thor one. “Woah, these are nice, San-ah!”

Mingi appeared over Wooyoung’s shoulder. “Ooo stick one of those on my forehead!”

Wooyoung gasped and clutched the stickers close to his body. “No! Fuck off!” he teased before turning to flick Mingi in the forehead instead.

“Gah!” Mingi grunted, clutching his forehead before scampering away.

San grinned. “You like them?”

Wooyoung could hear the hope drip from his voice. “Yes,” he giggled. “I like them a lot. These must have been expensive.”

“Nah, they weren’t that much,” he waved a hand in dismissal, even though his shoulders seemed pretty high with pride. “You know, you can stick them on whatever you want.”

“Yeah, and that isn’t gonna be on Mingi’s sweaty forehead!” Wooyoung joked. He then stood up from the couch, and looked down at the stickers in his hand, and then up at San who was standing in front of him. “Actually…I think they’d look good right here!”

And smack! Wooyoung stuck an Iron Man sticker onto one of San’s cheeks, right next to his dimple. “And I was right! Looks perfect!”

San brought his hand up over his cheek in surprise. “Oh! You wasted one on me.”

“Who says? It’s my gift. And what I say, goes!” Wooyoung exclaimed. “Also, you’re welcome for the Iron Man sticker. Everyone knows he’s the best Avenger.”

“It’s Spider-Man!” shouted Yunho from down the hall in his room.

“Yah! No blasphemy on my birthday!” Wooyoung shouted back, earning a fierce shush from Hongjoong who had been loitering nearby, miraculously not at the studio.

Wooyoung stuck his tongue out at Hongjoong, knowing Hongjoong wouldn’t do anything about it on his birthday, and turned his attention back to San.

“I’ll have to wash my face eventually, you know,” San told him.

Wooyoung wrinkled his nose and shook his head. “Nahhh you don’t have to.” He reached out and poked San’s cheek. The sticker didn’t feel so soft while it was on San’s softer cheek. “Cute,” he said.

San’s eyes traced from Wooyoung’s finger, up to his face. “Okay, I won’t wash my face then.”

He smirked, a vague jitteriness rippling through his body before disappearing. “Good,” he replied.

San kept the sticker on the rest of the night, but the next day when he saw San it was gone. As he was about to open his mouth and tease him for not following his strict instructions, San pulled his phone out of his pocket and pointed to where the sticker was now stuck on his phone case.

*

Wooyoung’s time at Mix Nine didn’t last long. After only a few weeks of filming, he and Mingi were out in the first elimination round.

Was he upset about it? Sure. More so than he thought he would be. He hadn’t even wanted to audition, but then had a change of heart and did well at the audition, and then passed and wanted to do well for KQ and his fellow trainees, only to be ranked dead last and be sent home first damn elimination round.

It was almost embarrassing.

Sure, being eliminated meant that Wooyoung wouldn’t have to deal with the stress of potentially having to debut in an all new group, but it still meant he let everyone down. So, he was in low spirits when he slunk back to the dorms that night. Yeosang was waiting for him on the couch.

“We flopped hard,” Wooyoung whined, gesturing to himself and Mingi, while speaking to Yeosang.

Mingi sniffed. “Damn, speak for yourself, dude!” He sulked back to his room, Hongjoong on his trail.

“Oh, I’m sure it wasn’t that bad. I mean, you made it past auditions, after all,” Yeosang said.

While Wooyoung moved to sit next to Yeosang on the couch, Jongho shook his head. “No, Hyung did great.”

“I ranked last, Jongho-yah,” Wooyoung scowled at him.

“Amongst the boys, not all around,” Jongho reminded him. Like that would make him feel any better. So, Wooyoung hissed at him and Jongho scampered off back to his room, probably to help Hongjoong comfort Mingi.

Yeosang slung an arm around Wooyoung. “Yah, don’t be mean to our maknae. He’s only trying to help.”

“Which is easy for him to do! He passed the first round and I didn’t,” Wooyoung pouted.

Seonghwa then came padding softly into the room. “Young-ah, I heard what happened.”

Wooyoung leaped up from the couch and launched himself into Seonghwa, wrapping his arms tightly around Seonghwa’s torso. “Hyunggg! The judges were mean to meee!”

“I know, I know,” he chuckled, patting Wooyoung’s head. “You wanna go put salt in their Americanos?”

“I want to do worse than that!” Wooyoung exclaimed, his head buried in Seonghwa’s shoulder. “And you best promise not to snitch on me if I do do something.”

Another laugh from Seonghwa. “Yes, I promise.”

“Oh, Hyung, watch out. That boy is pure Slytherin, sometimes,” Wooyoung heard Yeosang say.

Wooyoung couldn’t help but smirk inwardly at that. He always saw himself as a Gryffindor with a secret, sneaky Slytherin side.

“Hey, is Wooyoung okay?” he then heard San say.

He pulled himself out of Seonghwa’s embrace to find San standing near the hallway, looking apprehensive and small. It’s like a switch flipped inside him when he saw San. He didn’t want San to see him upset over being eliminated, especially since San had worked so hard for the audition and didn’t pass.

Of course, Seonghwa and Yeosang hadn’t passed either…but for some reason, whatever it was, he felt like San needed more protecting than them. That he wanted to comfort San instead of the other way around.

“Pfft, I’m fine!” Wooyoung waved his hand in dismissal. “Guess it wasn’t meant to be.”

San looked at Wooyoung warily, and Wooyoung could feel Seonghwa and Yeosang’s gazes on him as well.

“And now I am back to bother you guys again!” Wooyoung continued, turning his attention to all three of them. To further emphasize his point, he attempted to put Seonghwa in a headlock that Seonghwa quickly shimmied out of due to the extra height he had on Wooyoung. Feeling playful, Wooyoung continued play-wrestling with Seonghwa, giggling loudly while Seonghwa panted and grunted.

“Is it too late to ask the judges to take you back?” Seonghwa asked, keeping Wooyung at bay with a strong hand to Wooyoung’s head.

Suddenly, San was beside Seonghwa, pulling Seonghwa’s arm away from Wooyoung. “Quick Woo! Let’s get him!”

Wooyoung ignored the look of horror on Seonghwa’s face to instead look at San’s, his eyes filled not with mischief, but with joy. Wooyoung liked roughhousing with the boys, especially his hyungs. But with San as his sidekick? That had never happened. He never really even saw San roughhousing with Yunho or Mingi on his own, much less Seonghwa.

With all the flailing limbs, the three went tumbling down to the ground, a bystander Yeosang tutting under his breath before leaving the room. 

Eventually, after several minutes of being pinned down and manhandled by Wooyoung and San, Seonghwa managed to slip his skinny body free and run away, leaving Wooyoung and San behind, panting and laughing.

“Seonghwa-hyung is gonna hate us so much,” Wooyoung giggled.

“Oh please, he could never hate you,” San replied, breathless.

Wooyoung flipped onto his side so he could look at San. “Okay, but you’re like his dongsaeng. You two are so close.”

“We are…but you’re Wooyoung.”

He snorted and poked San’s stomach. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Um, I don’t know...” he stuttered. “You’re very…”

“Very what?” Wooyoung interrupted him with a smirk.

That obviously flustered San even more, because he continued to stutter, “Uh, well…” until he finally managed to get out: “You’re like Harry Potter.”

Wooyoung laughed loudly. “Harry Potter?”

“What? Don’t laugh. I’m serious!” San shoved at Wooyoung’s arm. “You’re like the main character. Nobody ever hates the main character.”

“Okay, that’s literally not true. What about Voldemort, huh?”

San’s eyes almost comically bugged out of his head. “Shhh! Woo! Don’t say his name!” he fiercely whispered.

That earned another loud giggle from Wooyoung. “Oh, you think you’re funny?”

“Eh, kinda,” San shrugged sheepishly, laughing gently.

The floor was hard against Wooyoung’s side, so he flailed around a bit until he found a position more comfortable. On his back, lying sideways to San, with his head resting on San’s stomach. If he was really that uncomfortable, he could get up and go sit on the couch. Or even better yet: go lie in his bed. But…Wooyoung really didn’t want to move.

They lay there for a few moments in an easy silence until San said, his voice small and tight: “Hey, Woo?”

“Hm?” San was so comfortable. Wooyoung felt like he could sleep well in this position. His eyelids were feeling heavy.

“It’s okay to be upset about today. You don’t have to pretend that it’s okay.”

Aaand he was suddenly wide awake again. And feeling exposed that San sniffed him out so easily. Who did this kid think he was? “I’m not pretending. Really. It’s okay. Fuck ‘em, right?” He plastered a smile on his face even though San wouldn’t really be able to see it. Fidgety, Wooyoung grabbed San’s left arm and slung it over his own chest, cuddling it close like how San held all his stuffed little plushies. With the sleeve so close to Wooyoung, he could smell that familiar San smell he was growing more and more accustomed to – the nice smell of the dorm’s laundry detergent and something else more…comforting.

“Well…remember when you helped me with my dancing before the audition? I wanna help you too,” San said.  

“How do you wanna help me?”

“By listening to you.”

Wooyoung swallowed hard. “You don’t wanna hear about my problems…” He had lots of friends. He did. He admitted it. But…they weren’t all those types of friends. The ones that knew all your deepest secrets and fears. He had Yeosang. Yeosang was who he went to if he needed someone to listen. And more recently, Seonghwa was a good ear too. A little less level-headed than Yeosang, sure, but still a good sympathetic listener.

If you told too many friends your problems, it would ruin the fun. Wooyoung liked having the type of friends that didn’t know all his deepest secrets and fears because they felt like an escape. With those friends, he could be someone else. Someone separated from all his problems and worries. Someone just purely fun, without any baggage.

And why would Wooyoung want to damper the fun with a bunch of problems that San wouldn’t even be able to fix? That San didn’t need to know about? Because, he was having fun with San. San was a fun friend to have. But, was he the Yeosang type of friend? Not at the moment, and Wooyoung was unsure if he wanted to promote San upwards.

“Why wouldn’t I want to hear about your problems?” San asked.

“Because you have your own problems to worry about! And I don’t need to burden you with mine,” Wooyoung finished the sentence in a mumble.

“Isn’t that my choice to make?”

Sure, but a bad choice on San’s part. “Yeah, I guess…”

“Okay, so I choose to listen, and now it’s up to you whether or not you want to tell, okay?”

San spoke so softly and carefully. Like he was trying to coax Wooyoung out of a cave he was cowering in. A cave Wooyoung didn’t know if he wanted to be coaxed out of. It wasn’t like he didn’t trust San or anything – he trusted all the boys. And San really did seem to care about him, as all the other boys did too.

So? What would it be? Speak or keep his mouth shut?

The problem with Wooyoung was that now he had an open invite. And his mouth took control, as it tended to do a lot. “To be honest?...” his voice trailed, giving him enough time to chicken out if he wanted. But now that he said those three words, how could he stop? “I think my nerves got to me.”

“Your nerves?” San asked.

“Yeah,” Wooyoung sighed. He absent-mindedly began to pick at some pilling on San’s sweatshirt sleeve. “When my group was about to perform, I felt so sick. I just kept thinking about choreography and everything over and over and over again. I ran through it so many times in my head that I think the choreography just ran away…and,” he gulped, “I wanted to run away.”

San listened quietly as he talked. And only once he finished, did he ask: “Do you get stage fright normally?”

“Yeah…which sounds silly, I know,” he admitted.

“It’s not silly.”

Wooyoung raised his eyebrows and tsked under his breath. It seemed awfully silly to him. Especially since that was what he wanted to do with his life: dance on stage. In front of other people. It would be like a fisherman being afraid of water, or a surgeon being afraid of hospitals. There was a leap of logic there.

“Well, I used to be at BigHit,” Wooyoung said. “And I know that you know I have zero issues with talking to strangers and I’m very loud and everything… So yeah, it’s kinda confusing that I just…agh, I get just so scared sometimes. Scared that I’ll make a mistake and everyone will see it and stare and only see me and…yeah. It’s not usually so much thoughts like that, as it is like…feelings? Just the general feeling of wanting to just fucking puke. If that makes sense?”

He didn’t feel like he was making any sense. Wooyoung never really liked to stop and think why he was thinking things. He just…thought and felt. Which didn’t really make any sense, either.

“No, that makes sense,” San replied. “I’m sorry you feel that way and have that worry. You’re too good of a dancer to be feeling like that.”

A shy smile crawled onto Wooyoung’s face. His fingers continued fiddling with San’s sleeve. “You think?”

“I think? I know. Don’t be silly, Youngie.” San’s pointer finger on his free hand came down to poke Wooyoung in his neck, tickling him and making him giggle.

As Wooyoung’s giggling faded he turned his head so he could get a look at San’s face. San was facing upwards, towards the ceiling, which gave Wooyoung a good look at the point of San’s nose. His nose was very proportional to his face. In fact, San just had a very proportional face. Everything was symmetrical and balanced. “You know, I normally save all my worries for Yeosang, but you’re a good listener too.”

San smiled, his voice soft: “Well, whenever Yeosang is busy or anything, I’ll be here for you.”

Wooyoung wrapped his hand around San’s wrist tightly. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

*

At least a highlight of getting kicked out of Mix Nine prematurely was getting to have more time for Christmas than he would’ve gotten to have otherwise. He needed the time to go home for a few days, rest, unwind, get to see Kyungmin, and come back more refreshed than ever.

During his time back home, he also went shopping with his mom and gotten all the boys some matching keychain charms (token of friendship, and all). But, since it had just been Wooyoung’s birthday, he hadn’t expected many Christmas presents from the boys. So, he was definitely surprised when he walked into his room and saw a big, wrapped Christmas present sitting on his mattress.

He dropped all his bags on the floor and scurried to look for a tag on the wrapped box to see who had gifted it to him. However, the box was unmarked, and Yeosang’s train back to the dorm hadn’t arrived yet. So, it wasn’t from Yeosang then? Unless Yeosang left it on his bed before he left for his own parents’ house? But…no, that wasn’t possible because Yeosang and Wooyoung had left at the same time.

That meant it had to be from one of the other boys. But who? Oh, wait. Maybe a manager? Yes, that made a lot more sense. This present looked huge and expensive. Maybe it was from one of their very kind managers. Probably Manager Lee. That would totally make sense.

Wooyoung snatched up the box and scurried out of his room to see if he could find one of the boys who’d stayed behind in the dorms - Hongjoong, Seonghwa, San, and Jongho - to see if one of them knew anything about it. 

“Hyung!” Wooyoung shouted as he entered Hongjoong and Seonghwa’s room. He was pretty positive Hongjoong wouldn’t be there, but Seonghwa most certainly would be. Seonghwa never went anywhere.

Wooyoung was right. Seonghwa jumped up from where he was resting in his top bunk. “Yah! You scared me!” He leaned over the bunk and clutched at his heart.

“Do you know who gave this to me?” Wooyoung shook the box, and when he did, he heard a bunch of things clatter inside. A lot like the sound of puzzle pieces, or…Legos.

Seonghwa’s eyes widened before he oddly cleared his throat. “Uhm, I have no idea.”

“Hmmm, well I think you are lying, Hyung!” he narrowed his eyes.

“I am not!”

“Yes, you are! You have a very expressive face!”

“I do not!” Seonghwa balked.

“Well, Hyung, did you give this to me?” Wooyoung replied.

“Uhhh, well…” Seonghwa’s face still looked fishy, and a lot like he was about to lie, “no, not exactly – ”

“Oh, pfft, you are useless,” Wooyoung scoffed before sprinting away, leaving Seonghwa behind to scold to an empty room about how Wooyoung needed to respect his hyung.

Next door down: Yunho and San’s room. Yunho had gone back home, which left San behind. Who was probably sitting in his room reading a book and cuddling with his plushie.

Sure enough, he opened the door to find San in his top bunk, reading Harry Potter & The Goblet of Fire, while cuddling “Shiber.”  

“Yah! Who gave this to me?” Wooyoung asked.

San startled at the intrusion, taking his headphones out of his ears. “Wooyoung-ah! I didn’t know you were back.”

“Yeah, I came back just now. But I found this in my bed.” He shook the box for emphasis. “It doesn’t say who gave this to me.”

San pursed his lips before putting everything down and climbing down the bunk.

Pursed lips. A tell-tale sign he was about to lie too. Was no one going to fess up to who gave this gift to him?

“I don’t know who gave it to you,” San said with an odd inflection to his voice. “Maybe you should open it to see what it is.”

Wooyoung blinked at him. “You know, one of you guys are going to have to tell me eventually who gave this thing to me. And I’m not opposed to torture tactics.”

San laughed. “Oh, I know you’re not.”

As Wooyoung started opening the present, San hovered off to the side. And, Wooyoung had been right about how the box had sounded. After he’d ripped enough of the paper away, it very clearly was a Harry Potter Lego set of Hogwarts. “Holy fuck,” Wooyoung muttered under his breath.

“Do you like it?” San asked.

“Do I like it?!” Wooyoung parroted, looking up at San with wide eyes. “This is fucking amazing! It’s Hogwarts!” He turned his attention back to the Lego set at hand, still in disbelief at what he was looking at. He’d played with Legos when he was younger like every other kid did, but never Legos quite like this. This was next level Legos. Legos of the legends! “Shit, this is going to be so much fun to put together! Agh, and when I do I’m going to have to show Kyungmin – he’s gonna flip too. Ohmygod, how – this is – oh!” He whirled around to give San an accusing look. “You! You gave this to me!”

San immediately looked away. “Ahhh, no, no. I think you have it wrong – ”

“Nuh uh! Yes you did!” Wooyoung grinned. “You didn’t act surprised when I unwrapped it, and then you asked me if I liked it! You’re guilty as charged! And a terrible liar, by the way.” His dad watched a lot of crime dramas when he was younger. Wooyoung had picked up a thing or two from those shows.

“Agh! Okay okay,” San sighed. “I didn’t technically get that for you.”

“Then who did?”

“We did. Well, a lot of us are a bit broke, so we had some of the managers pitch in too,” he answered sheepishly.  

“Who’s we?”

“All the boys.”

“What? Why?” Wooyoung asked.

San turned his face up in confusion. “What do you mean ‘why’?”

“I mean…” Wooyoung’s voice trailed for a moment as he tried to gather his thoughts. “It’s just me. And this is…this. I didn’t get any of you something this nice for Christmas. Actually, I used my mom’s money to buy you all matching key-chain charms.”

“Oh, that sounds cute, though,” San smiled.

Wooyoung rolled his eyes at San’s effortless graciousness. “Oh shut up, it does not.”

“Well, you can think of this as a ‘Thank You’ gift, then,” San gestured to the lego set.

“A ‘Thank You’? For what?”

“For coming in at the last second to save us.”

“To save you?”

San shook his head. “No, save us. Before you came, the ‘99 liners, even the Hyungs and Jongho, we weren’t all as close.”

Wooyoung really was confused now. First, by the extravagant, expensive gift that he wasn’t expecting, nor really deserved. Not when he got everyone else fucking key-chain charms. And then now? Wooyoung saved all the boys from, what, boredom or awkwardness or something? “Well, you all weren’t living in the dorms yet. It makes sense that you weren’t as close.”

“No, Woo-yah, you don’t see it like I do,” he whined, seemingly slightly frustrated.

“Okay, how do you see it?”

“That you make everything easier. I’ve talked about it separately with Yunho and Mingi and Seonghwa-hyung. They agree too. You just make everything easier,” San said.

Wooyoung giggled a bit nervously. “I do?” He tried to think back when he first met everyone. Other than San, everyone seemed fine. No awkwardness, no tension. He supposed that there was more separation than there was now. Instead of larger groups of boys talking, it was normally in pairs or threes. But he always attributed that to the ’99 liners bonding due to the new dorm life. It was more fun to play all together than separated out into smaller pairs or threes. And Seonghwa-hyung oftentimes joined in because what else was that loser going to do? Sit in his room and be mopey?

“It’s very easy to be your friend. And it’s almost impossible not to be,” San replied, fiddling a bit with his oversized sleeves. “You know how in school, there was a group of friends, but there was someone who was the glue? Like, if this person didn’t come to school that day the friend group kinda dissolved into nothing?... Well, that’s you.”

The funny thing was, Wooyoung did know what he was talking about. He never had trouble making friends in school, but he wasn’t exactly popular, at least, compared to other people. And yeah, there were many times one of his friend groups would crumble at the edges when someone in particular was out sick, or busy doing something else. He never would think about the crumbling too much. He would just think about how much he missed that particular friend. Did that mean the other trainees missed Wooyoung like that whenever he was gone?

“This was your idea, wasn’t it?” Wooyoung asked, shaking the Lego box.

“Ahhh, I don’t know if I would say that,” San sheepishly rubbed at his neck.

His detective skills weren’t buying San’s story. “San-ah.”

“Okay, okay,” San relented. “I originally wanted to get you something nicer for your birthday, and felt guilty about resorting to stickers, and I saw a commercial or something for the Hogwarts set and thought you’d like something like that, and so I knew I couldn’t afford it, so I asked around to see if anyone else – ”

Wooyoung cut off San’s rapid rambling with a quick, wet kiss on the cheek while hugging the Lego set close to his body. It worked perfectly, as San choked, startled, and looked at Wooyoung with wide eyes.

At first, Wooyoung thought it was sort of funny. He liked giving the other boys kisses on the cheek sometimes. Especially people like Yunho and Yeosang. They would both squirm, or try to block Wooyoung with their arm, or shove him away playfully afterwards. It was all a joke – a prank almost at times. All in good fun.

So…why did San’s gaze make him feel jittery and nervous, instead of mischievous and playful? Any laughter about the situation died before it ever made it to Wooyoung’s lips. San didn’t squirm. He didn’t try to block Wooyoung, nor did he shove him. San just stood there. Staring, frozen.

He would have almost started to think he had done something wrong, maybe crossed a boundary too far, if not for the way San was staring. Because it wasn’t a stare of shock or horror. It was softer than that. Almost a stare of astonishment and confusion. Similar, but different. Wooyoung started to think that maybe there wasn’t a boundary he could overstep with San.

“You talk too much sometimes,” Wooyoung breathed.

Suddenly, the feeling in the air shifted, from less of a dazed state to more of the playfulness that Wooyoung had originally intended. San blinked for a moment before smirking and asking incredulously: “Me? I talk too much?”

Wooyoung giggled. “Yes, and that’s a very nasty habit you need to break.”

“Oh really? Is there some sort of Talkatives Anonymous group you recommend?”

“Oh whatever,” he giggled and shoved gently at San’s shoulder. “Since you decided to graciously coordinate getting me Lego Hogwarts that is…” Wooyoung looked down at the box briefly to read the fine print, “six thousand pieces, are you gonna help me put this shit together?”

San grinned. “Sure, if you want me to – ”

“Perfect! Let’s go. I’m sure you aren’t busy,” Wooyoung tugged on San’s arm, dragging him to his room. “I wanna make sure our floor is filled with Legos by the time Yeosang gets back.”

“Are you a Slytherin?” he asked Wooyoung with a snort.

Wooyoung placed the Lego box on the floor of his room before whirling towards San with an offended gasp. “Excuse you! I am a Gryffindor with Slytherin tendencies! Get it right! Now, let’s get to work building this thing.”

“Has anyone ever told you that you’re bossy?” San quipped.

He held up his fingers in a gesture that read ‘just a smidge.’ And with the help of San, the floor of Yeosang and Wooyoung’s room was properly covered in Legos by the time Yeosang arrived from his train. Unfortunately, Yeosang seemed to be skilled in the art of dodging Legos, so Wooyoung was unable to get Yeosang to injure his foot.

San stepped on quite a few though…which sadly wasn’t as funny to Wooyoung as the idea of Yeosang stepping on Legos.

*

It took several days, lots of bickering over the directions, and some help from Seonghwa and Yeosang, but Hogwarts was eventually built. Hey, Rome wasn’t built in a day, right?

The dorm was only missing three people after the holidays: Hongjoong and Jongho (who were filming), and Yunho, who was still in Gwangju.

The ’99 liners decided to take advantage of a missing Yunho and play a video game without Yunho to be there ruining all the fun by kicking their asses.

“Which should we choose?” Yeosang asked, holding up some of the PlayStation discs.

“Call of Duty,” Mingi offered. “When I play it with Yunho it makes me wanna cry.”

“What doesn’t make you cry, though?” Wooyoung quipped back.

Mingi smiled. “Your face. It makes me laugh instead.”

“Okay…Call of Duty it is,” Yeosang decided as Wooyoung punched Mingi’s arm.

“How did Yunho get so good at games anyways?” Wooyoung asked, after he felt he had inflicted enough pain on Mingi’s upper arm. “He spends so much time with his girlfriend I can’t imagine when he would’ve had the time.”

“Eh, he’s naturally good at everything,” Mingi said, voice sad with jealousy.

“I think he might end up marrying her someday,” San suddenly piped up, earning gasps of shock and horror from everyone.

“What, did he tell you that?!” Mingi asked.

Yeosang passed the controllers out before sinking onto the couch beside everyone. “Yeah, Yunho never told me that either.”

“I said I think,” San clarified. “He never said that per se. But, I can just tell,” he shrugged. “When he talks about her – that’s how my cousin used to talk about his girlfriend, and they’re married now.”

Wooyoung’s head spun at that. Yunho getting married? The guy was only nineteen! Sure, Yunho was the responsible type. The type of guy to settle down and have kids and the whatnot. And obviously he couldn’t get married anytime soon, not if he ever wanted to debut. It was a feat in and of itself that the managers accommodated Yunho’s relationship in the first place. But still, even thinking of marriage at the age of nineteen seemed too soon to Wooyoung. “That’s horrifying,” Wooyoung murmured, shaking his head.

“What, you don’t want to get married?” San asked.

Yeosang snorted and Wooyoung turned to give him a quick glare. “Hell no,” Wooyoung replied to San. “I have bigger and better things to worry about. I’m trying to debut, not settle down with someone for the rest of my life.” Marriage wasn’t even really an option for Wooyoung, depending on who he wanted to get married to, but besides that, what good came from marriage anyways? Other than boredom and bills?

“I wanna get married,” Mingi said.

“You’d need a girlfriend first for that,” Wooyoung joked.

He gasped. “I’ll have you know, I get a lot of girl’s numbers! It’s not my fault we aren’t allowed to date!”

“Even if I were to believe that, look at Yunho, it isn’t stopping him, now is it?” Wooyoung teased, but then caught San staring. “San-ah, do you want to get married?”

San blinked a few times before he shrugged with a nod. “Ummm, yeah, someday.”

The ‘yeah, someday’ crawled down Wooyoung’s spine all wrong. A flash of an image of newlywed San and his faceless, skinny wife in a spiffy clean apartment came across his mind before Wooyoung quickly shook it away. The type of life Wooyoung would probably never have, nor ever want. It was more normal for San to want that, than to be like Wooyoung. Wooyoung knew that. That’s how Yeosang was. That’s how Yunho was. Mingi. Most of his friends, for that matter.

San was attractive, sweet, funny, attentive. He’d find a wife easily someday. Or a girlfriend for that matter. You know, whenever he got past his shyness and duck-like qualities. And when San did get a girlfriend, he probably wouldn’t have the time to put Legos together anymore. He’d be MIA like Yunho.

Which, Wooyoung didn’t mind much about Yunho. Hey, they could finally actually win a game with him gone, right? But, if San was MIA like Yunho? Wooyoung couldn’t think of a positive as quickly as he could with Yunho.

“You’d need a girlfriend first before you could get a wife, San-ah, like Wooyoung said,” Mingi interjected.

“Yeah, I know.” San fiddled a bit with his bangs.

“Have you ever had a girlfriend before?” Wooyoung asked, much too eagerly and curiously. As if it mattered to him whether San had ever had a girlfriend before.

San hesitated before he shook his head. “Hm…no, not really.”

Unlike the ‘yeah, someday,’ San’s answer this time didn’t crawl his spine like a monster with thorny spikes. Wooyoung wasn’t particularly surprised San had never had a girlfriend. Based solely on his shyness and duck-like qualities. He didn’t think anybody else in the room was surprised either. But, he could feel that San was a bit embarrassed by that. Even though there was no point in being embarrassed. Especially since dating was a huge time and energy suck anyways. All it did was take your mind off the more important things in life, like debuting. Plus, Wooyoung had never had a girlfriend either. Though, if San knew the rest of the story, that probably wouldn’t be too comforting to him…

“Hey, it’s okay, Mingi’s never had a girlfriend either,” Wooyoung said. “And Yeosang had a girlfriend but she broke up with him before they even got to do anything.”

“Yah!” Yeosang and Mingi both shouted at once, irritated that Wooyoung had exposed them, despite it just being San.  

“I told you about that one girl! The one girl I talked to for a few months,” Mingi poked Wooyoung.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I distinctly remember you saying she went to a different school, and that you had only met in real life twice.”

“Three times! Thrice!” Mingi exclaimed.

“Did you call each other boyfriend/girlfriend? Did you kiss her? Did you do anything with her besides go to an arcade or something?” he pressed.

Mingi glanced away. “Well…no.”

Wooyoung turned to look at San with a smirk on his face. “See! We’re all a bunch of virgins!”

“You’ve never had a girlfriend?” San asked him.

“Pfft, me?” The other part of himself, the part that liked to perform and exaggerate, took over and Wooyoung leaned back on the couch, man-spreading a bit and exuding coolness. “Commitment isn’t a part of my DNA. I’m too busy on that grind.” Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Yeosang rolling his eyes and Mingi’s jaw slackened a bit. “However!” Wooyoung straightened up a bit, crossing his legs back over how they had been before. “If I was going to date someone, I’d set my sights high. Like hmmm… Irene!”

Yeosang and Mingi busted out into laughter.

“What? You guys don’t think I could pull Irene?” Wooyoung asked, offended.

“Maybe as your babysitter,” Yeosang chuckled.

“Ha ha ha,” he deadpanned. “I’d have a better chance getting Irene than you with Hwasa.”

Yeosang shrugged off the weak insult.

“San-ah, who would you like to date?” Mingi asked.

“IU!” San beamed without hesitation.

The other two boys agreed, but Wooyoung scowled. IU? She was almost as old as Irene! And she wasn’t even that pretty. Sure, she would probably fit well as the face of San’s faceless, skinny wife in that spiffy clean apartment, but... ugh, whatever. He didn’t like this conversation anyways.

Wooyoung waved his controller in the air, interrupting the chatter between the boys and forcefully changing the topic. “Are we gonna play or not? We gotta take use of this Yunho-free time.”

With Yunho absent, San and Yeosang ended up taking his talented place, while Mingi and Wooyoung seemed to have a knack for getting themselves killed.

Wooyoung wasn’t even really concentrating on the game though, in all fairness. He just kept thinking about how IU really wasn’t that pretty. And her music was mediocre too. She was over-rated, plain and simple. San needed to get some better taste.

*

Yeosang was still on a high from his winning streak when they got back to their room after having their final game cut short by Seonghwa stomping into the main room and complaining about the noise.

Wooyoung noticed there was a little pep in Yeosang’s step, while his own socks dragged across the floor. He was never good at video games. He should’ve suggested they watch a movie instead. At least that might’ve prevented the conversation about Little Miss Over-Rated IU.

“That was fun. I hope Yunho and his girlfriend never break up,” Yeosang sighed with a smile after hopping into the bottom bunk.

Wooyoung just grumbled under his breath and flopped onto his floor mattress.

“What’s wrong with you?” Yeosang asked.

“Nothing,” Wooyoung sniffed and rolled onto his side, facing away from Yeosang.

Yeosang got up with a sigh and walked over to Wooyoung’s bed.

Wooyoung peeped over his shoulder. “What are you – yah!” He had to clutch onto his sheets as Yeosang picked up a corner of the mattress and dragged Wooyoung to lay beside the bottom bunk, closer to Yeosang. “Was that necessary?” Wooyoung huffed.  

“Yes, now spill,” Yeosang panted a bit, sitting down on the edge of the bottom bunk and resting his elbows on his knees. “I know you too well to think that it’s just ‘nothing.’ You’ve been acting kinda weird all night.”

He crossed his arms. “Well, you must not know me as well as you think. There’s nothing to spill.”

“Mhm. You know, if you don’t like talking about girlfriends and dating and stuff, why did you keep the conversation going?”

Yeosang did know him very well, to Wooyoung’s irritation. “I don’t know,” he stiffened.

“Next time it gets brought up, do you want me to change the subject?” Yeosang offered.

“No, I’ve been having these conversations with friends my entire life, that’s not the problem.” And it wasn’t the main problem, per se. It’s what caused the main problem. The particular conversation they had in the main room. A conversation that Wooyoung really shouldn’t have kept going. Curiosity killed the cat.

“Okay, then what is the problem?” Yeosang asked.

Wooyoung sat up in his bed, arms still crossed and San’s voice still echoing around in his mind. “IU isn’t that pretty, right?”

“Wait, what?” Yeosang let out a quick, breathy chuckle. “That’s what this is about?”

“I just don’t think she’s all that pretty,” he held his head high, as if he were better than IU herself. Which…nah, he wasn’t better than IU. But he wasn’t worse than IU either, let’s make that clear, at least.

A small smile flickered onto Yeosang’s face. “Woo… San is very cute and nice. I wouldn’t blame you.”

“What?!” Wooyoung shrieked. His hoity-toity persona broken, replaced with straight-up terror and confusion. “I don’t have a crush on San!”

“No?”

“No!” And he didn’t. Right? Shit, he needed to check himself really quick….Think think think….Wait a damn second. NO! No, he didn’t. San was a friend. A good friend. A nice friend. And cute. In a duck-like way. And in other ways, too. But no, no. San was his friend. “I just think San could do better than IU. That’s all,” Wooyoung said as casually as humanly possible. And that really was all it was. Because IU wasn’t that pretty.

“Hm, okay.” Yeosang’s tone seemed to scream that he didn’t totally believe Wooyoung.

“Plus, he’s straight,” Wooyoung pointed out. Mostly to himself, and not to Yeosang.

“Well, we don’t know that,” Yeosang said, totally unhelpfully.

Wooyoung shot him a sour look.

“Okay, he probably is,” Yeosang relented. “But you don’t know that for sure.” Still being completely unhelpful.

“Even if he was, we’re friends,” Wooyoung intoned slowly and carefully.

“Sorry, you’re right,” he shook his head. “Just because you’re gay doesn’t mean you automatically have a crush on an extremely cute boy. My mistake.”

Now Yeosang was just being cruel. “Aghhh, Sang-ah!” Wooyoung groaned.

“Okay, okay, I get it. Sheesh, no need to protest that profusely now,” Yeosang gratefully backed off, even though still hinting at it, despite Wooyoung utterly and completely not having a crush on tiny little San.

“Thank you!” Wooyoung sniffed. “You should know fully well that I’m waiting on Yugyeom to come out of the closet.”

“And you think once he comes out of the closet he’ll come and hit you up?”

“Uh, duh. You’re not gay, you don’t understand our gay soulmate love.”

“Righttt, sure thing,” Yeosang rolled his eyes.

“Of course, I wouldn’t want to step on BamBam’s toes,” Wooyoung added. “I’d get BamBam’s blessing first.”

“Dear lord, you really have thought about this haven’t you?”

“Sure, every night,” he shrugged before giving Yeosang a little devilish grin.

“Agh, no, we sleep in the same room,” Yeosang pinched the bridge of his nose in stress. “Please don’t!”

“Oh right, like you aren’t thinking about your precious Hwasa!”

“Okay, okay, let’s call a truce. No more talks of this, please,” he waved his hands in surrender.

“Fine!” Wooyoung huffed, flopping onto his back on the bed.

A few minutes passed in silence. Wooyoung knew Yeosang wasn’t mad at him - it wasn’t really an argument, just a bit of playful friendly banter. However, Wooyoung really did enjoy pretending to be mad. Mostly just because he was a bit overdramatic. He liked to savor those sorts of moments.

“Hey, Woo?” Yeosang eventually said.

“Hm?” Wooyoung heard Yeosang lay back in his bunk too.

“Would you ever tell any of the others that you’re gay?”

He blinked up at the ceiling. “I don’t know…I guess if it came up? Or they asked? It’s not really a secret, at least, not from close friends.” Wooyoung wasn’t in the habit of nonchalantly giving out that information, for obvious reasons. And plus, he really didn’t think it was anyone’s business until it became relevant. As an idol trainee who really wasn’t even allowed to date, Wooyoung didn’t think it was a pressing matter. And with talking with the ’99 liners about girls, despite Yeosang’s earlier worries, it wasn’t all that difficult for Wooyoung to play along. Especially since he liked girls…he just also liked boys too. A little bit more often than he liked girls.

“Have you ever regretted telling me?” Yeosang asked.

“No, and I never will,” he answered honestly.

“Good, I hope you never regret it.”

Wooyoung was sure he’d tell the others someday, when the time was right and the occasion called for it. And he was sure he wouldn’t regret it either. How could he regret telling someone about his true self? “Actually, Sangie? There has been something I’ve been meaning to mention to you. I just, uh, I just never thought it was too important.”

“Okay, sure, what is it?”

“Well,” Wooyoung swallowed, his mouth a bit dry. “When we talk about girls? Me and you, or us and the other ’99 liners? Yeah…I’m not just playing along. Like…I’m deadass serious about Irene.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I like girls too. Sometimes. Er, well, not often. I don’t know. I don’t really think about it much at all. Gender and whatever. If that makes sense? It just doesn’t matter too much to me.”

There wasn’t any pause or hesitation from Yeosang before he said: “Yeah, that makes sense. Have you always felt that way? Or is this a new development?”

Wooyoung’s heart slowed into relaxation and a small smile formed on his face. “Uh, a new development, I think. I just didn’t understand for a while that that was like, a thing, you know?”

“So does that mean I have to worry about you stealing dates from me, now?”

He laughed loudly. “Oh, like you have them just lined up at the door?”

“Yeah, you didn’t see them on your way in?”

“Actually, now that you mention it, I did, and I already got all their numbers. I told them my dick was bigger than yours and they ditched you so damn fast, it was sad, really.”

“Oh whatever, Woo,” Yeosang laughed. “But…you know, I’m glad you told me.”

With Yeosang, everything was always so easy. Which was why Wooyoung told Yeosang he was gay all those years ago. It was easier to tell Yeosang than to not tell him. And that’s how you learned who your truest friends were. “I’m glad I told you too.”