Work Text:
"I think-" Jamie's voice doesn't sound right, strained and shaky. "I think my father was involved."
Kayce's first thought is John, and it lingers for a while, and confusion lingers with it. It takes him a moment to remember what Jamie means. That he has another father out there somewhere. And it's a weird thought, but it's one he doesn't focus on too much. Jamie may call him his father, but Kayce knows damn well that John was and is- is, the only father either of them need. Now, he doesn't know how long it'll take for Jamie to realize it, but he knows that he will, in time. Just like he did. Kayce had never stopped loving his father, not even for the barest fraction of a second, but he knows it isn't like that for Jamie. He knows his brother's struggles, feels them as deeply as Jamie does, but he knows that there's still a way to come back from it all. He's a Dutton, he'll always be a Dutton. And that man Jamie calls his father, well, to Kayce, he's nothing more than a sperm donor. However long it takes Jamie to realize that, that's up to him.
Though it seems they're on the right track for that. Kayce carefully tamps down a rush of anger, turning his gaze toward his older brother without quite looking at him. "Why do you think that?"
An odd sort of flinch passes through Jamie's shoulders. It's violent and it's more of a shudder than anything, and the way his brother scrunches his eyes shut and leans away from him makes Kayce want to move closer and hug him. He resists, for now. Jamie doesn't need a hug yet, he needs to talk. Kayce needs this information and Jamie's the only one who can offer it to him. "He, uh…" His brother breathes in, slowly, inhaling through his teeth as he looks away from him. "They were in prison together." A beat of silence, and then, "and my father all but confirmed it."
Kayce's getting a little tired of the 'my father' bit. It's always been our father, as long as he remembers. His thoughts instinctively trail to John, but the anger brewing in his chest doesn't quite match and it's confusing. Logically, he knows who Jamie's referring to. It's just so foreign.
"So you don't think," he begins slowly, "you know."
Jamie's chest shudders as his breath stutters, offering a jerky nod to affirm, and Kayce scowls.
Anger won't get him anywhere, though, not here. So he carefully, gently pushes it back down and nods instead, pulling his thoughts together. It's messy, to say the least. But it's all he knows. He doesn't think his mind has been clear, truly clear, in a long time. "Where is he." It's not a question and they both know it. Jamie flinches again, harder this time, and Kayce finally stops to look at him. Really look at him. His usually well-kept hair is a mess and his suit is wrinkled and rumpled in certain places, and his tie is crooked. It's half-assed, and Jamie doesn't take his appearance lightly. Kayce vividly remembers waiting outside the bathroom for hours waiting for his brother to get his shit together and get dressed all prim and proper, even just for a short trip to the horse stalls. There's only been a few times in his life he's seen Jamie look this unkempt.
The suspicion creeps in, a thick fog laying heavy over his mind. Kayce struggles against it for a moment, staring at his older brother. "Jamie," he prompts, slowly, cautiously, "where is he?"
"Dead," Jamie rasps, and another flinch shudders through his shoulders, and then he's crying.
Kayce doesn't waste any time scrambling over to him, not quite minding how rough he is as he grabs fistfuls of Jamie's suit jacket in his hands and pulls him out of the chair, onto the floor and into his arms. There's a moment of resistance, a flicker of panic as Jamie flinches and pushes against him - and it's wrong, Kayce thinks numbly, it's wrong, he thinks Kayce's gonna hurt him. He's never laid a hand on his brother, not once. The thought had never even crossed his mind.
He tries not to think too hard about Tate, the way his son had screamed and struggled when-
"I've got you," he breathes, almost choking on the words. Jamie says nothing, does nothing. He's breathing too heavy, too fast. Kayce can't tell whether he's having a panic attack or just crying. Or both. That's always an option. His own breathing speeds up just the slightest bit, and he frustratedly has to shove his own sudden onslaught of emotions down just as swiftly. What is wrong with him today? "I got you. It's okay." The words don't feel right on his tongue, they're bitter and heavy and Kayce can't really think. The weight of his older brother in his arms feels like an anvil on his shoulders and he doesn't know what else to do except just sit there and hold him, he doesn't really feel like anything he says is being processed in the first place, to be fair.
Jamie pulls back abruptly and Kayce lets him, albeit reluctantly. And then he's the one being grabbed and pulled forward, and- oh. He hadn't felt Jamie's arms around him like this in a while.
When was the last time he'd been hugged?
When was the last time he'd been held?
Kayce doesn't remember, but it's too much emotion and it all floods in far too quick to process. His eyes widen as Jamie pulls him even closer, impossibly closer, and tucks his chin over the top of his head the way he used to do when he was little. All hope of comforting his brother is immediately out the window; Kayce crashes and burns and shatters, in every way but physical. And he feels like a child again as he grabs onto his brother, as he melts into his arms.
He'll deal with everything else later. Jamie's sperm donor aside, he's almost proud of his brother. No, he is proud, but he's also scared. He doesn't even have to imagine the weight that must be pushing down on his older brother now, he feels it every day, he knows what that's like.
Later, though. Jamie's arms are wrapped around him, his brother needs him, he needs his brother. There's a moment, a horrible, awful, beautiful moment as Kayce's eyes flutter shut that he can almost feel his mother wrapped around him instead. She always held him like this, as gently and carefully as Jamie was doing so now. Tears push their way to his eyes at the thought and Kayce blinks them back furiously, a sigh bubbling to his lips as he rests his head against his brother's chest and just lets Jamie curl around him, like he's trying to shield him, protect him.
Kayce doesn't bother telling him that he's not the one that needs protecting.
Actually, he's kind of content to let Jamie do it, just this once.