Chapter Text
I groan as I wake up, my head pounding and body aching. Note to self: don’t try to explain to Great Red that he technically doesn’t exist, he gets pretty pissed at that assertion. I hadn’t expected him to be such a bitch about it but I am right.
He’s the conceptual embodiment of Dreams. He exists in that form and with that personality because the majority of sentient life believes that ‘He’ is what the pinnacle lifeform would be; an unreachable dream, the dream of being strong, being able to accomplish anything you dream, etc. All this comes together to make a giant ‘fuck off’ dragon with an arrogant personality.
Ugh, my wife is going to be pissed when she finds out I picked a fight with Great Red.
Again.
I had to do something that would guarantee he was pissed off enough to actually fight me though. Last time he just snorted and punted me out of the dimensional gap, straight into the bottom of the Underworld. Took me days to crawl out of there.
This time he played around with me for a bit but I’m still not to the point where I can overcome the conceptual advantage he has. At least with Ophis, I can match Infinity with Nothingness. Great Red is just conceptually better than everything that ‘Dreams’.
Absolute bullshit.
As I sit up I scan my surroundings, trying to figure out where I landed this time. I don’t see any fire and brimstone so the Underworld is out; no golden rays of light and fluffy clouds so not Heaven either; Azazel isn’t mocking me then running away as I try to shove his metal arm up his ass; nor am I back in Japan.
Just huge trees, as far as the eye can see. Actually, it reminds me a bit of the Mountain of Flowers and Fruit. Well, catching up with the Old Monkey wouldn’t be a bad way to spend some time. Maybe Bikou’s kids are here too, it’s been a couple of months since I’ve seen the brats.
I open myself up to the Natural Ki in the area to recover my strength and figure out which direction to travel only to stop almost immediately and cough up some blood. Shocked at the sudden pain I check my body, finding chunks of stone forming everywhere. My skin, blood, organs, hell even parts of my brain are being petrified.
It’s an easy enough process for me to wrap the chunks of stone in my Ki and force them out of my body, healing the damage swiftly. The issue is that there isn’t any Gorgon around to justify the sudden petrification.
Wait a second. Was that the Natural Ki? I pull a bit of Natural Ki into my finger, rather than my entire body and nothing happens for a while. Frowning, I sharply increase the rate of absorption and watch it slowly begin to petrify.
What kind of place did Baka-Red drop me off in?!
Grumbling to myself about how all red dragons are assholes and perverts, I sniff the air for signs of life. Thankfully, I pick up a number of scents heading westward and decide to take my chances heading that way.
I ignore the first carriage that passes me even if the man driving it gives me an odd look. I have horns, deal with it. I’m long past trying to cover up and blend into human society for their convenience. Hell, most of the time people assume I’m cosplaying.
No, the carriage isn’t weird, people use low-tech travel solutions in rural areas. It’s fine. The next five, however, leave me a bit pissed off. If Baka-Red hit me hard enough to launch me back in time I’m going to be furious. My sheer rage might be enough to overcome his stupid conceptual advantage.
I’m biologically immortal so I could just become a hermit until I return to my own time period. Whatever, it isn’t a big deal. The big deal would be having to wait decades, or centuries until my wife was born again! I wouldn’t be able to see my little sisters either or my students!
No, you can do this Ibaraki. Levia-tan and Sirzechs lived for centuries without adorable little sisters to fawn over. If you can’t they’ll tease you endlessly about how they’re the superior older siblings.
Byakko is laughing his ass off in my mindscape, finding the reasons behind my distress hilarious. Yeah, laugh it up fuzzball, you’re the patron animal of this ‘sis-con’ so that makes you even lesser.
Not so funny now is it?
As we get closer to the village I decide to open up my soul-sense since I can’t use ki-sense here. It’s a fairly average civilian population for the most part; all human, a little above baseline for most, with some strong Ki users… or maybe magicians? There’s no way everyone with more than average reserves uses both Ki and magic right?
‘It seems more like a combination of physical and spiritual energy. Not Ki users of magic users but something in the middle.’ Even after all this time Byakko is still better at reading souls so I have no issue agreeing with his assessment.
There are a couple of individuals that are fairly strong but only one has the raw power to be considered Ultimate-Class and he feels fairly old for a human. Not that age makes him less of a threat, rather it generally only makes them more creative.
Actually, hold on. Byakko do you sense that one?
‘A minor god hiding inside a child? No, something similar to a Sacred Gear but so poorly constructed. Azazel could do better after a month-long bender. The containment even leaks.’ I roll my eyes at his assessment.
Azazel and he made fast friends since Byakko could intuitively feel the properties of souls. Once he was able to exist completely independent of me he basically defected to the crows. I blame Vali for the introduction but Byakko takes all the blame after that. Traitorous cat.
“Do you think the strong one sealed the god into the kid?” I get a strange look from a passing traveller when I say this. A quick glare causes him to walk faster.
‘Unlikely. The seal feels like death. The old man’s soul feels like the cycle of the five elements. Well structured too.’ I shrug unconcerned. I just want to figure out where I am at this point.
When I finally reach the gate and see the guards letting the cart in front of me through I pause, a vague sense of dread washing over me. My vision shifts to the ground, ignoring the mountain I see in the background before I get a good look. Byakko starts cackling in the back of my head but I ignore him even as my pulse starts to speed up.
I close my eyes and grit my teeth as I step up to the gate, “You alright, miss?”
I sigh as I hear one of the gatekeepers say that. I pointedly ignore the sounds of shifting cloth and metal sliding into their hands. Opening my eyes, I smile at the guard with the odd cloth tied over his nose and spiky hair.
My eyes flicker to the spiral on his forehead protector and hope against everything that I’ve found a village of cosplayers who take things way too seriously. “Of course, shinobi-san. I’m sorry, I’m a bit lost, where is this?”
If any god is listening, even Susanoo, please don’t do this- “Ah… this is Konoha miss?”
“Damn you Baka-Red!!!!”
“Izumo, what do I do!?”
“Comfort her or something! Women are starting to glare at us! Just get her to stop screaming about whatever's wrong!”
After breaking down into hysterics and being comforted by Kotetsu I was quickly ushered into the village. Kotetsu was very embarrassed after I put myself back together but I didn’t have the energy to tease him about it. I'm skinning that bastard when I get back and making a lizard skin rug.
After I apologized for my outburst I was given a, ‘Welcome to Konoha’ and sent on my way. Don’t get me wrong, some Anbu were tailing me the moment I entered the village but other than that I was pretty much let go. They seem to be treating me as a ‘potential threat’ which amuses me to no end. If I wanted to level the village nobody here could even slow me down.
So now that I’ve confirmed where I am, I need to figure out how to get back to my home universe. Magically, I’ve got nothing, Ki won’t do shit, and Byakko is also drawing blanks. My options then are; hope someone back home is searching for me, hope Great Red is only putting me in timeout, or local solutions.
‘We’re fucked.’
Astute observation partner.
I release a bone-deep sigh, drawing even more strange looks from civilians. Which, honestly, fuck off. They have living insect hives, pupilless radar people, actual mutt men, red eyes of uber-hax, and whatever happened to make Guy such a weirdo. Well, when in Rome.
Focusing again, I locate my target and make a beeline to the nearest protagonist. If I’m stuck here for a while I’m adopting a bundle of sunshine and nobody is going to stop me. I chuckle, imagining how my wife will feel when I bring home another stray. The resigned look and put out sigh never fails to make me laugh; it’s worth whatever punishment I receive.
When I find Naruto he isn’t at a ramen stand, something that disappoints me to no end. Instead, he’s wailing on a pell in a training ground. From the blood dripping on the ground and caked on the pell he’s been at it a while.
“Your technique is wrong.” He leaps in surprise, letting out a yelp as he does so.
“Gah! Don’t sneak up on people!” He dramatically points at me and my eyes glimmer with mirth.
“Hypocritical coming from the mini ninja.” He flushes and stutters back.
“I’m not little!” I can’t help but laugh at the fact that was what he took from the statement. I pat him on the head and he swats at my hand.
I make sure to crane my neck down at him when he looks up. “Yes, so tall.”
He growls at me and I nearly coo at how adorable it is. “What do you want anyway, lady?”
Humming, I look at the abused pell. “Maybe to help put that pell out of misery. The poor thing looks like it’s ready to apologize for whatever made you want to beat it so badly.”
Naruto hears my joking tone and rubs the back of his neck. I’m nearly blinded by the brightness of the smile he flashes me. “Hehe, I’m training hard to be a ninja.”
I can’t hold back! “You’re so cute~.”
“Mrf gerroff!” He squirms as I pinch his cheeks. When I let him go he jumps back and flushes in embarrassment.
“Weirdo lady” I chuckle at his muttered insult and he narrows his eyes. They then dart up to my horns, taking in my tattoos, claws and fanged smile. Suddenly he’s back up close to me, stars in his eyes.
“Are you a ninja?! Hey, nee-chan teach me a Jutsu!” I ruffle his hair and notice how the Anbu following me are even more focused once they hear that question.
Do I do it? Sure, why not. “Nah, I’m not a ninja kiddo.”
He slumps, groaning in disappointment and I smirk at him. “That doesn’t mean I can’t teach you a Jutsu.”
He reinflates instantly. A lesser being would have given themselves whiplash switching from emotional extremes like that but not Naruto. “Please teach me a Jutsu, nee-chan!”
“If I must.” I grin and wink at him before putting my hand on his shoulder. “Right, so how good at you at controlling your Chakra.”
“What’s Chakra?” My eye twitches and I resist the urge to facepalm. He’s just a kid who happens to know less about the local supernatural power than someone who isn’t from this universe. That’s fine, totally fine.
“It’s the energy that ninja use to do cool Jutsu. Without knowing how to use it, I’ll have a hard time teaching you a technique.” I see Naruto vibrating with excitement and I immediately know that meditation is out the window as an option.
Instead, I reach into his chakra coils with a tendril of Ki and start to drag his chakra around. “Woah, that’s really weird, nee-chan! I think I can feel that Chakra stuff.”
“Great. I’m going to gradually let go but you just keep it moving, kiddo.” He nods, scrunching his face up in concentration. I watch his Chakra as I let go, happy that it doesn’t immediately slip through his grasp.
After thirty seconds, his Chakra begins to slip out of his grasp but he wrangles it back in with a growl and forces it to move faster. He smiles when he’s surrounded by a soft blue glow. “Check it out nee-chan! Aren’t I amazing?”
I flick him in the forehead lightly and his focus breaks causing me to laugh. “Don’t get too full of yourself yet, kiddo.”
He grumbles rubbing his forehead, “Hey, now that I can use my Chakra will you show me a cool Jutsu?”
I smirk before rubbing my chin in faux contemplation, “Sure! What kind of Jutsu do you want? A giant fireball? A wind blade? The ability to punch through boulders? Claws that can cut through anything? Maybe even super Chakra armour?”
As I make each suggestion I show off the effect; a fireball appearing over my palm, a wind blade cutting through the pell with a swipe of my hand, air pressure slamming into the distance with a punch, Ki claws forming around my hand, and finally Touki wrapping around my body.
With each demonstration, Naruto’s smile gets bigger and he starts to shake with excitement. A giddy sound rises from the back of his throat, “TEACH ME ALL OF THEM!”
I raise an eyebrow and he blushes, “Er, please teach me, nee-chan?”
“With time my student, with time. For now, I’ll teach you something even better!” Naruto gasps, his mind racing to figure out what could be greater than I’ve already shown him.
“Is it lightning bolts? A secret dragon killing punch? Flight? Teleportation!?” A sly smirk appears on my face as I lean in closer to him.
“I’m teaching you… to climb a tree!” Naruto predictably face faults.
He stands up and points at me accusingly about to shout at me but I’m already standing sideways on a tree in the distance. For a second he looks as though he’s still upset, though his curiosity gets the better of him.
“How are you doing that?” The answer to that is my toes are digging into the bark and I’ve locked my muscles up but he doesn’t need to know that.
“Simple. Put your hands in a Ram seal and steadily release Chakra through the tenketsu in your feet. Your Chakra will allow you to stick to the surface of the tree. Be careful though because too little Chakra will cause you to slip off and too much will get you launched away from the tree.” I flip off the tree and land beside Naruto.
“How about you give it a try?” Naruto focuses for a second then sprints up the tree. I catch him when he falls after a few steps.
“Don’t say anything! I’ve got this. Believe it!” I shake my head grinning but let him make his next attempt.
While Naruto attempts to climb the tree, I make another run at Senjutsu.
Now that I know I’m in Naruto, I know how to pull Senjutsu off locally. I just need to balance the amount of Natural Ki -I refuse to call it Sen Chakra- with my mental and physical energy. In my home dimension, all I needed to do was draw in Natural Ki and purify it so it didn’t matter how much I grabbed.
‘Byakko, can you watch the ratios with me? The second opinion should be helpful.’
‘Not like I’m doing anything else. Watching the kid fall from a tree gets boring quickly. He’s a faster learner than you were at that age though.’
I ignore that frankly unnecessary comment and start to draw in Natural Ki. Since I don’t have ‘Chakra Coils’ in the same sense as the native people, I have to balance the concentrations of energy across every cell in my body rather than a central circulatory system.
If this was a couple of decades ago I would probably have difficulty but after training with Old Sun this is nothing. The body refinement I went through using the lightning of the Jindou Yun allowed me a greater awareness of my entire body. It might have given me a mild phobia of lightning for a few months but it was worth it in the end.
‘That should be enough.’
My eyes snap open as I catch Naruto again. “Whoa, your eyes and tattoos are glowing nee-chan!”
I ruffle his hair in amusement. “Sorry kiddo, I was just testing a super awesome technique.”
He pouts, “Pay more attention, I almost had it that time!”
“Well how about we do it together then?” Now that I can use Senjutsu again I connect to the tree and it holds me aloft. Naruto excitedly follows me up the trunk and to my surprise, he has a good handle of the process.
Looking up I realize that it’s now the evening and we’ve been here for hours. Naruto starts to slip but I put a hand on his shoulder. He grins at me before yawning. “Thanks, this has been fun.”
“No problem, kiddo. You’re a good student and a good kid.” He sniffles and tries to hold back some tears that well up in his eyes.
“Really, nee-chan?” I can’t help but hug him if he’s going to be so precious.
“Of course. I don’t spend my time with just anyone. They have to be special!” He sniffles and yawns again.
“I think you should head home, buddy.” He nods against my shoulder. I walk down the tree and set him down beside me, starting to lead the two of us out of the training ground.
“Mhm. Wait a minute, I don’t even know your name!” I raise a brow in amusement, thankful that he brought it up rather than me. I’m surprised I haven’t called him Naruto out loud yet.
“Isn’t it polite to introduce yourself before asking for someone else’s name?” He flushes again before dramatically pointing skyward.
“I’m Naruto Uzumaki, future Hokage, believe it!” I cough and he rubs the back of his neck grinning, “What’s your name, nee-chan?”
“You can call me Ibaraki-nee. It’s nice to meet you properly. Please take care of me, future-Hokage-sama.” He laughs at my form of address, hiding his surprise well.
“Bye, Ibaraki-nee, I’ll see you around!” I wave at Naruto as he dashes out of the training ground.
The moment he’s out of sight Anbu leap out of hiding and surround me. The one that lands in front of me steps forward slightly and speaks, “The Hokage would like to speak with you.”
The ones behind me and to my sides draw their weapons and I smirk at the display, thoroughly amused. “Well? Lead on Anbu-san.”