Chapter Text
Megumi slings the small pink backpack in his hands over his shoulder, reaching out for the four-year-old to his right as he does so with a smile.
The little girl screeches in what he thinks to be happiness, but with his daughter, one can never quite tell.
Except for Sukuna.
Sukuna seems to have a way of reading Hana with little to no effort at all. It’s frustrating to watch every time Sukuna picks the tiny girl up in his arms and just knows exactly what she’s thinking. Megumi supposes he should have listened to his mother and her superstitions about your child adoring whoever you hate when you’re pregnant because, damn, his heart aches when she fawns all over her father as if he’s the most valuable thing on the planet.
To be honest, Megumi can’t quite pinpoint when exactly he began to resent Sukuna. There was a time where he swore he would spend the rest of his life with the older man. Now here he is, walking their four-year-old daughter up the stairs to Sukuna’s condo in the center of downtown Dallas because the two of them can’t even live under the same roof anymore.
Hana breaks away from Megumi’s grip as soon as her father’s door is in sight and it bothers him that she’s always so eager to be with Sukuna. Megumi is lucky if he gets to FaceTime with her for longer than ten minutes on the weekends she spends with Sukuna because ‘daddy time’ has her so preoccupied. His ego takes a small hit each time she rushes to get off of the phone with him so she can cuddle up to her father - but if Sukuna calls, Hana could stay on the phone with him for hours if Megumi allowed it. It's as if he doesn't exist, the only people on the planet are her and her daddy.
Hana doesn’t even have to knock, Sukuna is already swinging the door open with a smile that takes up his entire face because, as always, he just knows she’s there. His sixth sense must tingle at times like these. Megumi swears that's the only reason his ex is always one step ahead when it comes to their daughter and his insides burn with jealousy. He carried the little brat for seven and a half whole months (she’d come early because, exactly like her father, patience isn’t a virtue she holds) and for some reason it seems she only has eyes for the man scooping her up in his arms and spinning in a circle. Maybe it’s because Hana and Megumi are a lot more alike than they are different and, at one point in his life, Megumi remembers only having eyes for Sukuna, as well.
“Daddy!” She giggles out in English as Sukuna showers her face with kisses. “Stop! It tickles!”
“Ah, what did you say?” Sukuna replies in Japanese, earning an eye roll from both Megumi and Hana at the same time.
“You’re tickling me!” Hana huffs out, this time in Japanese as well. Her smile grows wider when Sukuna beams in response and praises her for speaking his mother tongue.
Megumi supposes he should be glad that Sukuna is so adamant about their daughter speaking the language. It was never much of a concern to him whether she’d become fluent or not because he only ever uses it when he visits his cousins overseas. Even when they're at his sister’s house in Fort Worth, they prefer to speak English. Sukuna, having moved to America at fifteen, is much more comfortable speaking his first language and often emphasizes the importance of their daughter being bilingual. Megumi hates to admit it, but dating Sukuna improved his Japanese a great deal simply because the older man refused to let Megumi speak to him in English.
Megumi shrugs Hana’s backpack off of his shoulders, ready to shove it into Sukuna’s arms and leave, when a rather short and thin person steps out of the apartment.
“Sukuna, I’m leaving.” They say in perfect Japanese as they tiptoe to peck the taller man’s cheek. They offer Hana a small smile and throw Megumi a look the raven haired man can’t decipher. It doesn't seem hateful, per se, more so judgmental than anything, but they don't even know each other. Megumi doesn't know who this person is at all.
It would be a lie if Megumi said it didn’t cause his stomach to twist into a knot because they are downright stunning. Sukuna's type has always been pretty and petite, and it looks like Megumi has been replaced with a younger, newer, model.
Sukuna lets out a hum and nods, attention still on Hana as the person makes their way towards the stairwell. That, at least, makes Megumi feel better. He’s unsure of what he’d do if his ex had outright kissed the stranger in front of their daughter and it’s definitely not a conversation he thinks either of them want to have with the four-year-old.
“Who is that?” Hana asks, absolutely appalled that her daddy would let anyone other than herself near his face. She looks just as displeased as Megumi feels.
“That’s a good question, baby girl.” Megumi grunts out before he can stop himself.
"Just a friend, baby, nobody for you to worry about." Sukuna tells her and motions towards the door with his head, a silent invitation for Megumi to follow him inside.
They haven’t been in a relationship for slightly over three years, throwing in the towel when Hana was only a few months old. The lack of alignment had become too much for Megumi and as much as he knew deep down inside that Sukuna loved him, he wasn’t willing to continue working on something that wasn't going to fix itself.
Still, Megumi couldn't ignore the bitter rage that swept through him when he saw someone else kissing his ex. Especially when, even though they've broken up, they still have sex often.
He might vomit if he dwells on it for too long.
Hana seems to accept the answer, however, because as soon as she's set down she beelines straight for her bedroom to greet Iggy, the iguana Sukuna bought her for her birthday. Megumi refused to let her have a reptile at home, though she’d begged for six months straight, so finally Sukuna caved and let her keep one at his place. Usually the shorter man would yell at her to at least take off her shoes inside, but he needs her distracted so he can interrogate Sukuna.
“Who was that?” He frowns, arms coming together over his chest - crossed and ready to argue.
“Like I said, just a friend.” Sukuna says flatly
“A friend? Who kisses you? In front of our daughter?” Megumi lets out an annoyed laugh at that and Sukuna frowns.
“I didn’t mean for her to see that. I’ll have to talk to them about that next time. They’re an easy fuck, that’s it.” Sukuna shrugs. “And we get along really well, so we hang out sometimes.”
“So you’re dating.”
“Not dating. Fucking.”
Megumi wants to strangle Sukuna with how casually the man says it.
“Two people hanging out, probably often, and having sex. That’s dating, Sukuna.”
Sukuna sighs and sends Megumi a look, one that Megumi knows all too well. He’s exhausted, and he’s telling Megumi to drop it before they get into a screaming match with Hana nearby.
Megumi deflates. He knows in his heart he can’t be all that upset at the thought of Sukuna dating, but he didn’t realize until now that seeing some stranger showing his ex affection would feel like such a slap in the face.
“Look, Megumi, if it were more than sex, I would tell you. Yes, we hang out, but Uraume knows that I’m not interested in them, at least not that way. They’re aware my kid is my first and only priority at this point in my life and that’s why we work so well together. I didn’t mean for you two to see them. We lost track of time today. That’s it.”
Sukuna’s face looks tired. As if dealing with Megumi takes every last bit of energy out of him and, as much as it hurts, Megumi knows it’s partially his own fault.
“Did you guys know Sukuna was seeing someone?” Megumi asks quietly at dinner.
He’s at his favorite Korean barbeque place, with some of his and Sukuna’s closest friends. It's supposed to be a fun little get together and he doesn't want to kill the mood, but he can't stop replaying the kiss over and over in his head.
Yuuji, Junpei, Toge, and Yuuta immediately tense up and Megumi heart nearly breaks at the realization that, yes, they did. Nobara is the only one who seems shocked, mouth dropping into an ‘o’ as she almost throws the piece of meat she’s grilling at her friend.
“What do you mean seeing someone?” She all but screams.
“They’re not seeing each other, seeing each other.” Yuuta says, eyes flying everywhere except for Megumi’s own.
“I only know because of Yuuta, but he made me promise not to tell.” Toge's hoarse voice is barely audible, but his words still earn him a slap on the thigh from his fiance.
“Sukuna told you guys?!” Nobara screeches out.
She looks genuinely hurt by the fact that she’s the only one out of the loop. And like she's going to tear Sukuna limb by limb next time she sees him.
“Well, technically he only told Yuuta and I.” Yuuji says as he clears his throat. “And like Yuuta said, it’s not anything serious. They’re just-”
“Fucking.” Megumi scoffs, voice a few pitches higher than normal in a mocking tone, as he shoves a piece of grilled meat in his mouth. "I'm aware."
“Megumi, look.” Yuuji starts. “I understand that the two of you have history. I get it, but you guys have been broken up for a while.”
“So what? We all know they didn’t break up because they aren’t in love.” Nobara huffs. “And for someone who sits there and cries about how much he loves and cares for Megumi, going out and fucking someone else doesn’t exactly back up that claim.”
“Well...let’s not pretend that Megumi is a saint in this situation, either.” Junpei pipes in and Nobara makes a noise of protest, raising a finger to stop the other before he can start placing fault on Megumi.
It’s a touchy subject for everyone.
Even though it’s been years, the arguments between Sukuna and Megumi affect everyone in their group as if the breakup had happened yesterday.
It’s hard to navigate for them because when things are good, they’re great, but as soon as Sukuna or Megumi starts an argument, their friends have to walk on eggshells around them until it’s resolved.
“Are they even cute?” Nobara asks instead of butting heads with Junpei.
Megumi knows the woman would defend him to the end of time and it makes him warm to know at least someone is in his corner.
“Very.” Megumi mumbles with a scowl and Junpei bites his lip to hold back a frown.
The eldest isn't a fan of comparing one's self to others, he doesn't like the insecurity that comes with it, and he doesn't find it necessary. The topic is clearly making him uncomfortable, but Megumi doesn't care. Junpei tried to place blame on him, and even if he's right Megumi needs comfort not logic.
“Megumi is cuter.” Yuuta offers.
“Cuter and he’s got a fatter ass, that’s for sure.” Toge rasps, offering a thumbs up. He whines when Yuuta pinches his arm. “What? You’re the one who showed me their Insta, talking shit.”
“Have you guys met them?” Megumi asks.
Yuuji gives a hesitant nod, upset with himself for having met Sukuna's friend and keeping a tight lip.
He can’t be dishonest and say he's never met the kid. Sukuna had introduced them. He’d brought Uraume with him on a weekend trip to Austin so they could record with some friends in the capital city. It had been the three of them and if Yuuji is being honest, Uraume was nothing but pleasant. He doesn't know if he should feel shameful for getting along with them because it feels like he's going against Megumi's wishes, but it's not his fault Megumi and Sukuna ended their relationship. They should've seen it coming - one of them was eventually going to find someone else.
“Me, too.” Yuuta says in response to Yuuji’s nod. “They came to one of our work parties with Sukuna, but Sukuna asked me specifically not to say anything. He said if it turned into something serious he would tell you, but if not, there was no point in bringing it up.”
Megumi knows logically he can’t be upset with his friends, they don't know about his and Sukuna's post-breakup trysts, but that doesn’t stop the ache in his heart from hearing they’d known the whole time and hadn't said a single word of it.
It seems like they’ve chosen a side when he didn’t even realize there was a side to be on in the first place.
Megumi and Sukuna's relationship was unlike any other Megumi had ever experienced.
He’d had a couple of serious relationships under his belt by the time he met Sukuna. Sukuna, on the other hand, was new to it all. He’d never been in a long-term relationship, never even came close to being in love or calling someone his partner until he met Megumi.
The pair met at Yuuta’s birthday. Though the two of them had seen each other through Instagram and Snapchat thanks to running in the same circle of friends, and Megumi being Yuuji’s best friend, they’d somehow always missed each other at events or parties.
But when they were finally in the same place at once, Sukuna took a liking to Megumi immediately. From the moment they shook hands, he’d stuck to the younger man like glue and refused to let him leave his sight. A few tequila shots later and the two of them were making out in the VIP booth of Concrete Cowboy, not caring that they were practically on top of Junpei as the poor man tried to pour everyone more shots out of the bottle. From there on out, the two of them were practically inseparable.
Sukuna as a boyfriend was...interesting, to say the least. He cared in his own way and Megumi understood that, he really did, but sometimes Sukuna made it seem like he was asking the world on a platter for the slightest bit of emotional support.
The older man absolutely hated talking about his feelings and it clearly made him uncomfortable when Megumi spoke of his own, but Megumi knew it was all so new for Sukuna, so he let it slide.
Most of the time.
In every other way, Sukuna was perfect. He was an absolute gentleman. He took care of Megumi in every sense of the word.
If Megumi wanted something, he had it. Whether it be a nice dinner, a necklace that he’d seen at the mall, a massage after a long day at work, or even treats for his dog - the same dog Sukuna disliked immensely. If he mentioned something just once in passing, Sukuna would be sure to make it happen.
With Megumi’s exes, he’d always suspected them of cheating and always argued until things turned ugly, but with Sukuna that was never the case. Sukuna didn’t fight with Megumi, he never screamed just to get the upper hand. They argued, but Sukuna never talked over him just to prove his own point, he’d never used his size to intimidate Megumi into giving in. He listened to Megumi speak, and only spoke back when the other had let out his thoughts. He was honest, sometimes to a fault, and he would always tell Megumi exactly where he was, what he was doing, and when he’d be home. He would deflect advances from everyone left and right, often with a bored face and an insult to the person for even attempting to flirt. He was proud of Megumi and took any and every chance he had to show his lover off to the world, claiming he was the luckiest man alive because Megumi had given him a shot.
And the sex, oh don’t even get Megumi started on the sex. It was amazing. Sukuna was a giver, a pleaser, and he’d always made sure Megumi was taken care of before himself. With exes in the past, Megumi felt like he was a tool they’d used to get off, like a breathing fleshlight and not a human being. They never cared whether Megumi himself was satisfied, but with Sukuna it was different. With Sukuna, Megumi finally understood the meaning of making love.
Megumi likes to think of himself as a strong person. He thinks he can handle most things that come his way, so it wasn’t until Megumi was pregnant with Hana that Sukuna’s inability to empathize came to a head.
Recurrent miscarriages are common in Megumi's family. His mother had at least three in Megumi's lifetime and Tsumiki had two. Megumi was well aware of this, so he thought he was mentally prepared for what could come in the future. He told himself he would be able to lower his expectations with the knowledge he had.
When he and Sukuna miscarried the first time he got pregnant, Megumi learned that knowing something was likely to happen didn't actually lessen the blow when it did. Despite still hurting over the loss, the shorter man recognized that Sukuna was in as much pain as he was, and he knew his partner grieved differently, so he didn’t press the other to be there for him the way he so desperately needed. He was, after all, the one who said he wouldn't get emotionally attached until it was born. Because of his previous words, he didn't ask much of his partner.
In retrospect, he regrets not being more vocal about his feelings. All Megumi wanted was to be held and to be told everything would be okay, to have all of his sadness and worries kissed away, but Sukuna wanted to be left alone. Megumi remembers how Sukuna would lock himself away in the studio, spending hours doing only God knows what, and he didn’t pry. He didn’t make Sukuna talk to him about it because, as always, Megumi shoved his feelings aside in favor of keeping Sukuna comfortable. He didn't even let the older man know how heartbroken he was until a month or so later because he didn't want to cause worry.
But when they found out Megumi was pregnant with Hana, especially so soon after miscarrying their first child, all Megumi did was stress.
It had only been eight months since Megumi had lost the baby and he wasn’t sure if he was in the right headspace to handle another pregnancy. He couldn't bear the emotional turmoil of losing another child so soon, but the risk was very real.
This time Sukuna knew how unprepared Megumi really was, this time Megumi was very clear about his feelings, this time Megumi hoped things would be different.
Sure, Sukuna had prepared a fully stocked nursery for Hana and, sure, he’d made sure that Megumi didn’t work and stayed off of his feet as much as possible, but Megumi needed to talk. He needed to sort out his feelings, and he needed someone to listen to him vent. Someone to relate to him and reassure him that everything would be okay, but every time he tried to talk to Sukuna about anything pertaining to the pregnancy, he’d been met with a heavy sigh and silence.
It was like trying to talk to a wall.
Megumi can't shake the memory of the fight that started it all.
Megumi was seven months pregnant, waddling around as best he could to get his things ready for his doctor’s visit. Yuuji would be there in less than twenty minutes and Megumi couldn’t find his comfortable shoes.
“Sukuna!” He whined out for his lover, frowning when the older man simply yelled back a ‘what’ from his studio room. “Can you please help me find my shoes?”
Everything Sukuna did seemed to irk Megumi to no end lately, and he wasn’t sure if it was because of the pregnancy or because of something else.
“Babe, they’re right here.” Sukuna told him as he entered the living room, rolling his eyes as he held up said shoes. “You’d lose your head if it wasn’t attached to your body.”
“I know.” Megumi huffed. He paused for a moment, debating if he wanted to say out loud what he was thinking, before deciding to speak his mind. “I wish you would come with me to my appointment.”
Sukuna’s mouth formed into a thin line, already aware of where this was going.
“I don’t need to go to every ultrasound with you, babe. I went with you last time.”
“Yeah, you did, but don’t you want to know what’s going on?”
Megumi wondered when he'd stopped giving in to Sukuna and started looking out for himself. He'd never act this way before, he would never pressure Sukuna to join him.
“I do, of course I do. But you have ultrasounds, like, every other week.”
“Yes, because I literally just had a miscarriage and this pregnancy is high risk!” Megumi bit out, surprising himself with how angry it had sounded.
“I’m well informed.” Sukuna responded, jaw set as he tried to calm himself down. His eyes burned with something Megumi couldn’t read even if he’d tried his hardest.
“Jesus, Sukuna, it’s like you don’t even give a fuck about me or how I feel. It’s the Sukuna show every fucking day with you! I ask you for some affection, for some attention, and it’s like pulling teeth. You can’t do anything for me because you know I need it. It’s such an inconvenience for you to be there for me when I need you.” Megumi’s filter had completely gone, and he didn’t even care about the anger flashing in his lover’s eyes. “Do you notice how many times I do things for you that I don’t want to because I know you want it or need it? Do you see how bored I get sitting in the studio watching you make beats for your stupid little hobby project with Yuuji and Yuuta? I go anyway because you ask me to. I go because I care.”
“You don’t have to go to the studio with me, and I’ve never asked you to force yourself to do anything for me. You’re an adult and you make your own decisions, Megumi. If you told me no, I wouldn’t fault you or be upset.”
“That’s a fucking lie!”
Sukuna had grown so used to having Megumi bend over for him, he didn’t even notice how bratty he acted when he didn’t get his way. Megumi was growing tired of it with every second that passed. When would Sukuna put himself second and give in to Megumi every once in a while? It’s not like the smaller man was asking for much, at least he really didn’t think so. He wanted emotional support. He wanted Sukuna to be there for him.
And when Megumi found himself sitting across from Yuuji after the ultrasound, crying his eyes out about how frustrated he actually was, he hated the way his best friend looked at him with pity.
“That’s Sukuna, Megumi, you’ve known he’s like that. He’s been like that our whole lives and he’ll always be like that. And besides, it’s not like you don’t have anyone. You have me to listen to your worries.” The older man offered, earning a groan in response.
If anyone understood Sukuna, of course it would be his brother, but still. Why was it that everyone defended Sukuna’s emotional capacity, or lack thereof? Why was it that ‘Sukuna being Sukuna’ was okay, but Megumi asking for a little bit of understanding was too much?
“You aren’t my boyfriend, Yuuji, that’s the whole point. I need Sukuna to be there for me in a way you, or anyone else, can’t be.”
“And what if he can’t be there for you in that way?” Yuuji asked with a sigh. He'd witnessed this fight more times than he could count. Hell, he’d been involved in it more than he would have liked simply because Megumi is his best friend and Sukuna is his brother.
It hurt, Megumi thought. The decision stung as it bounced around in his head and his heart.
He knew Sukuna loved him, he really did, but love wasn’t enough anymore. Megumi was tired of putting himself on the back burner. He was sick of begging for crumbs. He was done hiding his own misery to ease Sukuna's stress.
As much as Megumi loved Sukuna, and as much as he wanted them to work out, he knew that something was going to have to give, eventually. Sukuna couldn’t provide what he needed and Megumi couldn’t wait any longer.
“Then we don’t need to be together.”
In his defense, Megumi lasted much longer than expected.
Hana came a month and a half early, which was as emotionally draining for Megumi as it sounds.
At least Sukuna held his hand as the doctors cut him open, Megumi thought, and then he realized how pathetic it sounded in his own head. He was happy with the bare minimum from his lover because even that seemed to be too much for Sukuna to give.
He kept trying for a few months after being discharged from the hospital, desperately hoping that Sukuna's walls would come down with the birth of their firstborn. Megumi didn’t know what he was waiting for or why he even thought having Hana would have made any difference, because Sukuna still held that hard exterior up.
So Megumi left and it hurt.
When he’d told Sukuna he was leaving, he saw the panic in his boyfriend’s eyes and if he squinted hard enough, he could see the tears the older man fought back.
Had Sukuna fought, maybe Megumi would have stayed. But no. Sukuna, being the wonderful and terrible boyfriend all wrapped up in one package, told him to go.
Megumi will never forget the way the pink-haired man bit into his lower lip hard enough to draw blood, how he looked as if his entire world was ending, or the flash of emotion in his eyes before he schooled his expression back into its usual blank state and nodded his head.
“I don’t want you to leave, Megumi, I love you. I love you so much, but if you’re not happy, I won’t ask you to stay. That wouldn’t be fair.”
When he looks back at the memory, Megumi can’t help but cry. He didn't want to be without Sukuna; he wanted the older man to open up more.
Sometimes he feels like he made the wrong decision, like he should have stayed because no one had ever made Megumi feel the way he does when he’s with Sukuna. Even now when he sees his ex, he still gets that funny sensation inside and all he wants is to kiss the other man until everything is okay again, but he knows he can’t.
Megumi swears he hates Sukuna now. He tells himself every single day to remind himself to stay strong. He can’t crawl back to Sukuna just because he misses him. Sukuna hurt him. Sukuna is the one who ruined everything, so why is it that even after all of this time, the older man is the only one Megumi can think about?
He can’t help but wonder if everything will ever be okay again.